


Dum Spiro Spero

by constellationqueen, StartingWithTheRidingCrop



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Bondage, Breathplay, Depression, Dom/sub, Foursome - M/M/M/M, Johnbastian, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, Pre-Reichenbach, Rimming, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Toys, Violence, bottom!John, jim is a total bastard, minor johniarty and mormor, very very minor oc's, warning for later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-01 23:21:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 38
Words: 197,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2791421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellationqueen/pseuds/constellationqueen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StartingWithTheRidingCrop/pseuds/StartingWithTheRidingCrop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While I breathe, I hope. </p><p>In a universe where John doesn’t worship the ground Sherlock walks on, John instead happens upon an old acquaintance from the army who has a dangerous proposition for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian didn’t just want a drink, he fucking _needed_ a drink. Jim had turned up at his flat earlier that day, and Sebastian had simply assumed he would have a job for the sniper, but that was not the case. Jim had simply came over because he was ‘bored’ and needed ‘amusing’ so he had decided to come and see how his ordinary sniper lived and spent his days.

Jim ended up staying in Sebastian’s flat for nearly three hours and succeeded in pissing him off so much that Sebastian had nearly physically threw Jim out. He really would have as well – consequences be damned – but luckily Jim was called away by business or something of the sorts, but it had left Sebastian still quietly seething. 

It only took Sebastian three minutes after Jim had left to grab his jacket, make sure he had money, his phone, and keys, and practically storm to the pub.

Thankfully, everyone seemed to sense his mood, and no one tried to talk to him. He finally felt himself calming after a couple of straight vodkas, and he was now taking his time and enjoying a strong ale and focusing all of his attention on the drink.

***

John had needed air. Sherlock was as annoying as ever, talking to himself and claiming his brilliance to anyone that would listen. John was already starting to rethink his choice of flatmate, but he really had nowhere else to go. Back to the studio flat was out of the question and none of his very, very brief girlfriends would give him a break. He was stuck with Sherlock for now, until such a time as his lucked turned around. 

He hadn’t wanted a drink when he had left; after Harry had become addicted to the drink John had tried to ease up on his consumption a bit. But when he passed the pub, which had a good taste in music seeping out from the cracks around the door, he somehow wasn’t able to say no. And he was thankful for that as soon as he spotted a familiar face.

"Colonel Moran?" John asked, walking up to the table that other man was sitting at. "Mind if I sit and have a drink with you?" he questioned, eyeing the ex-sniper to gauge his mood.

Sebastian was drawn from his thoughts as he heard a strangely familiar voice saying his name. He looked up to see a very familiar face next to him and it took him a moment to put a name to the man. When he did he widened his eyes slightly and a small smile made its way onto his face.

"Captain Watson, have a seat. What brings you to this pub then?" Sebastian nodded at one of the bar’s staff before pointing to his drink and holding up two fingers before he turned back to John.   
It had already lightened his mood the slightly, seeing an old acquaintance; they were never terribly close but they were certainly amiable enough to a few drinks with one another. He quickly finished the rest of his drink before speaking again, not really giving John a chance to answer his first question.

"I assumed you would still be serving to be quite honest; you were maddeningly determined to keep helping people over there."

John nodded, taking a seat across from Sebastian, folding his hands loosely on the table. “I had plans to stay over there for a long while, you know. Work, help people. I was actually starting to learn the language when, well…” He stopped talking as a female server came up with their drinks. He gave her a quick once over before turning his gaze back to Seb, who was far more interesting at the moment.

"I got shot," he finished, smiling infinitesimally as he lifted the pint and took a sip. "Shoulder. Nicked an artery. So, naturally, they sent me home. Had to find a bloody flatmate because I couldn’t get a job and could hardly afford a studio on my pension."

He shrugged, gesturing at Sebastian. “So how come you’re here? Tour run up and you didn’t want another go with the bloody heat over there?” he teased good-naturedly. 

Sebastian listened intently as John told him what had happened, obviously not going into detail as he knew how it could dredge up memories best left undisturbed, as he should know. 

Now the question was if he should answer the question honestly, and he decided a vague answer would perhaps be best at the moment. 

"Well I got out, basically. When I returned to London, I found a better job and I stuck with that. One of the best decisions I made to be honest." He took a sip of his fresh drink and smiled; it was rather nice being able to talk with someone who would at least understand what he was talking about, that they understood most of it.

"Also the heat was terrible wasn’t it?" He laughed quietly and considered John’s comment. "So since you got yourself a flatmate, what are you doing now? Surely you can’t be sitting around all day; you would go stir crazy." 

John laughed, taking another drink. It was good to talk to someone aside from Greg, good to be able to see someone from over _there_  that he had known and that wasn’t either dead or severely damaged. From what John could see, Sebastian seemed… completely normal.

"Well, um, I happened to find a flatmate in one Sherlock Holmes," he said, sarcastically and a bit bitterly. "Annoying sod that he is. Most days I feel like bashing him over the head." He sighed, ruffling his hair and taking another, longer drink. "That’s why I’m here. Get’s me away from him and his superior self."

Sebastian froze slightly at the mention of Sherlock Holmes. Well fuck, he certainly wasn’t expecting that. He knew that Sherlock had a new ‘companion,’ obviously, since Jim wouldn’t shut up about him, but he never would have expected it to be Captain John Watson. 

"Really, Sherlock Holmes? I’ve heard a lot about him, and to be quite honest he sounds like a prick." At least that was true. Between what he saw in the news and what he heard from Jim (except when he was practically gushing over the detective like a love sick teenager) he was pretty sure Sherlock was bit of a dick. 

John shook his head, not really wanting to talk about it. “Why are you here, then? Part of your weekly therapy?” he teased, drinking a lot more this time as he watched the ex colonel.

Sebastian shook his head and laughed slightly at the mention of therapy – if any therapist knew what he had done, confidential or not, he would be carted away. 

"Yeah you could say that, gets me away from my insufferable boss." He ordered two more drinks, making quick work of his own. It was late in the evening and after a boring day he could pretty much assume he at least wouldn’t have a job until tomorrow at the earliest, so he might as well have a good time. Of course, by a good time he did mean get drunk. Once the new drink arrived he held it aloft and tipped it slightly toward John. 

"To insufferable flatmates and even more insufferable bosses."

John laughed cheerfully, tipping his old drink against Seb’s. “Cheers, mate,” he said, drinking the rest of his drink in one go, quickly moving on to the next. 

"I’m sure he’ll deduce everything about me and what happened tonight by the time I get back to the flat, but fuck him," he said, shaking his head as he kept drinking, his competitive nature urging him to keep pace with the amount of alcohol Sebastian was consuming. 

"So… I don’t think I’ve asked you this yet," John started when he was nearing the end of his drink. "How long have you been back in London? And what have you been doing, aside from working?" He didn’t even glance at the server when she came by this time, his eyes focused solely on Sebastian, who was just as attractive now as he had been in the army. Hell, he looked like he was _still_ in the army.

He chewed his lip, looking down before he could get that flirty look about him and embarrass himself in front of an old friend. His bisexuality was his own business, and not even Sherlock Holmes had been able to detect it in him.

Sebastian had to refrain from grinning slyly when John chose to ignore the pretty bar waitress this time around, focusing all of his attention on Sebastian. He certainly wasn’t stupid, and working for a man like Jim he had certainly picked up a thing or two, and he licked his lips in thought before answering John’s question carefully. "Well, I have been in London for quite a while now, actually. The first couple of months were rough, but I eventually got the job I’m in now. Apparently I had a bit of a reputation in the army and someone thought they could put it to use, so now I work as a private bodyguard."

Well it was a half-truth; he did often accompany Jim on deals in case things went south, so he wasn’t exactly lying to John, he was just being deliberately vague.

John glanced up at Seb, looking him over. Body guard, huh? Well, that didn’t surprise John at all. Seb had been a damned good sniper, but shit, John had heard stories about how badass he was in a scrap, too. The muscles on his arms and over his chest were certainly intimidating enough. Even in his prime, John wouldn’t have wanted to go hand to hand with the colonel.

Sebastian took another long drink. "So do you run around and have your adventures with Sherlock? Do you even get paid for it?" At least Sebastian made a pretty penny with his line of work; he certainly wanted for nothing except decent company. But he had that at the moment and he certainly wasn’t going to complain.

John laughed harshly, drinking the rest of his pint and moving on to the next one. “He hardly takes money for himself. No, I don’t get shit,” he said, shaking his head and scrubbing his fingers through his hair. “But I’m not bitter,” he joked, lifting his glass in a half toast before downing another mouthful. 

"Guess you got lucky, even if your boss is an arse," John said, finishing his drink and digging out his wallet. "I should probably head home," he sighed, glancing at his watch. "Never know when I’m going to need a good night’s sleep, living with that nutter," he said a bit bitterly, setting out enough money to cover his drinks.

"Yeah it sure doesn’t sound like you’re bitter. Have you considered actually getting a job? A half decent one instead of running around after someone that sounds like an inconsiderate arsehole?" Sebastian shook his head. At least John wouldn’t be bored, but it would do him no good being stuck with someone like that when he could be so much more. Sebastian knew John had it in him, especially from his days in the army, he just wished John would end up seeing it too for his own sake. "But yeah, sure. I hope you actually get some sleep, seems like you don’t get nearly enough."

Sebastian stood up as John did and practically towered over him; he must have nearing a foot on the doctor, his broad frame only adding on the size difference. He held out a large hand for John to shake. "This has been a rather welcome reprieve; would you be against grabbing a pint again? God knows we sound like we could use it."

John looked up at Sebastian, not intimidated by his size, instead rather turned on by it, as embarrassing as that was. He shook the colonel’s hand, giving him a firm grip that he thankfully hadn’t lost.

"I’d love to have another pint sometime, yeah," he said, still holding Sebastian’s hand, not really wanting to let go just yet. He was warm, strong… John shook himself, pulling away and taking a step back. As far as he knew, Sebastian was straight, and John wasn’t going to go down that road of rejection if he could just avoid it all together. "I’m glad I caught you," he said with a smile, pocketing his wallet and nodding at Seb. "You willing to meet up again tomorrow night? I don’t have any plans," he offered. 

Seb saw the way John’s eyes flickered over him and he watched as the man stepped back rather skittishly. Insecure about his sexuality then, interesting, though he supposed being in the army did that to some folk.

"Tomorrow is good; I don’t believe I have work tomorrow evening. Make it seven o’clock?" His mind kicked into overdrive, considering what he was going to wear because John Watson certainly wasn’t going to get away that easily.

He tried to recall the way Jim had taught him how to think. 

It was glaringly obvious from John’s surreptitious looks that Sebastian’s body was a major factor, so a tight form fitting t-shirt. It was also apparent that the unassuming Captain Watson also has a particular liking for military men, so combats and dog tags it was.

Sebastian partly smiled at John and partly smiled at himself; he really couldn’t wait to see how John reacted tomorrow. Call it a social experiment with the possibility of a mutually beneficial outcome.

John swallowed, looking up and meeting Sebastian’s gaze. It really was unfair how tall Seb was. Six foot six was really… huge. And his built body just made him look that much bigger. John could already feel his pulse skittering away under his skin. 

"Seven, yes, that works," he said, nodding as he took a step back, and then another, and finally turned and walked away, leaving the pub and turning down the street, feeling Sebastian’s predatory gaze on him even when he entered 221B, which was two streets away from the pub.

Shit. He hadn’t been this desperate in a long time, and the hard-on pressing against his jeans was aching at being trapped there. He all but ran up the stairs, ignoring Sherlock sprawled out on the sofa, and shut the door to his bedroom behind him. After a furious - though not long - wank, he fell asleep, for the first time in a long time, dreaming rather pleasant dreams of the desert.

***

Sebastian grinned at the way John practically had to retrain himself from running out of the pub, he reckoned the poor man genuinely though Sebastian didn’t notice the way he was being looked at, making him look forward to tomorrow even more.

He decided to stay for one more drink before making his way home, choosing to walk as he enjoyed the quiet streets during the late evening. 

As soon as he reached his more than spacious apartment, he crashed out for an hour before heading to bed. He always had to make sure he was thoroughly exhausted before he could even consider sleeping and he most definitely wanted to be at his best tomorrow evening.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unbearable (shameless) flirting & a first kiss

The day went by relatively slowly, but there was nothing new there. Sebastian had to spend a large portion of the afternoon in a meeting with Jim, and he knew the client was notoriously nervous, and nervous people tended to do stupid things, which is why he needed to be there. 

It was only when it reached five in the afternoon did he start to cheer up ever so slightly, going in the shower but neglecting to shave so a shadow of stubble defined his jaw. He let his hair dry as usual with it certainly not being long enough to warrant styling. After lounging about for a while, he decided to actually get dressed, as he would have to leave shortly. He slipped on the deliberately tight white t-shirt, followed by a snug pair of black boxers (well you never know) and a pair of black combats followed by his old boots.

After checking the time, he swore loudly, quickly slipping on his dog tags and heading for the pub rather briskly. He absolutely despised being even the slightest bit late, a habit that stuck with him from the army.

***

John didn’t know what to wear. He tried to look casual but dismissed the thought, foolishly wanting to impress Sebastian, but on the other hand, he thought that a dress shirt and slacks were far too dressy for a night drinking. 

Eventually, he pulled on a black jumper and a light pair of jeans, pushing his fingers through his hair. He was about to head out when Sherlock’s voice stopped him.

"Where are you going?"

John stopped, stiffened. “Out,” he replied, pulling on his jacket and stepping into his shoes. “Drinks with a friend,” he said nonchalantly, grabbing his keys and patting his pocket to check for his wallet before he left, ignoring the petulant noise of Sherlock’s that followed him out the door.

When he arrived at the pup, he was two minutes early, and with a quick scan of the interior, he found Sebastian. “Bloody hell,” he whispered, taking in Seb’s appearance. He swallowed, hard, and slowly made his way up to him.

Sebastian was just waiting on the two drinks he had just ordered when John entered the pub, also the tiniest bit early. His eyes took in John and noticed that there was something different, just something slight, then he noticed that John’s hair was slightly tousled and his brain immediately supplied the image of John completely wrecked beneath him. He had to force the thought away before John came over, because it was hardly decent to greet an acquaintance with a growing bulge in your pants. 

He stood up as John walked over, holding out his hand again offering a firm handshake just as two drinks were placed next to him.

"Evening, John, brilliant timing too." After a quick handshake, since there was no better way of greeting someone who wasn’t exactly a friend, no matter how much you wanted to be inside them, he passed John his drink. He purposefully took up a much space as his large hand could on the glass so John would have to brush over his fingers when he took the offered drink, and he smiled politely.

"So, another boring day in the life of Doctor Watson?"

John let out a heavy sigh, trying to hide the thrill that went down his spine when his fingers brushed against Sebastian’s. “It was… interesting,” he said softly, shaking his head and taking a swallow of his drink. “Always interesting with Sherlock. And that’s the nicest term I can think to use,” he muttered.

His eyes travelled up to look over Sebastian, shaking his head slightly at how bloody gorgeous Sebastian was. Fuck. That shirt, and his bloody dog tags… John’s were tucked beneath his shirt, like always, but Sebastian wearing his out in the open… his stomach did a small flip. He had half a mind to wonder if Seb had done it on purpose, but he dismissed the thought. There was simply no way that Seb could know.

"Well you certainly make the use of the word ‘interesting’ sound horrible." Sebastian took a drink and scanned the pub. A habit he would do well to never forget; even having what was meant to be a relaxing drink, he still remained acutely aware of his surroundings. 

A quick check of the pub showed it was the typical pub atmosphere, and for once Jim was letting him have a proper night of instead of having him tailed. 

"So, tell me. What is it like being Sherlock’s… sidekick?" He grinned at John, knowing he would hate being called a sidekick. He also knew Sherlock was the type of arrogant prick to push John into the shadows until he was useful again and he almost snarled. He luckily managed not to and eyed John up as he waited for a reply.

John shot a rather playful glare at Sebastian for the use of those words. “I’m not his bloody sidekick. I’m sharing the rent and trying not to go batshit crazy from having nothing to do.”

He sighed, taking another drink and watching Sebastian over the lip of the glass. The man was too attractive for his own good, and he probably knew it too, the bloody bastard. John smirked, though, catching Seb’s once-over of him and repeating the gesture to him. 

"Enough about me. How was your day? Boss still being a terrible prick?" he asked, tilting his head to the side in question. "Or did you get a bit of a day off today?

"Well he’s behaving, well… the best he can. So yeah he’s still a terrible prick but a not so bad one." Now that Sebastian considered it, it was a herculean task to describe Jim to anyone really; he was so unpredictable, and Sebastian smiled. He was crazy, but he genuinely liked working for Jim; it was dangerous and he thrived on it. 

"He’s very… temperamental but y’know, you get used to it. Could even be fond of him on a good day." Sebastian laughed and couldn’t help but remember the time Jim had thought he had done a particularly great job and he walked into his flat to see a note from Jim simply saying “enjoy,” and two stunning women sitting on his couch. 

"Well, there was one time he thought I had done a particularly good job, I don’t even know myself why he thought that, and I went home to find these two beautiful women sitting on my sofa in nothing but fancy lingerie." He could already feel the laughter bubbling up and he took a quick drink, trying to calm himself so he could finish the story. 

"So I rang him up and told him how grateful I was but I couldn’t accept his gift and he started screaming down the phone telling me how ungrateful I really was and if I wasn’t such a good worker I would be on the fucking streets. Bearing in mind he didn’t know me all that well at this point, I said it wasn’t because I was ungrateful, it was because I didn’t want the women _._ " Sebastian was laughing now, nearly taking breaks between each word so he could focus enough to speak,

"Of course, it took him a few moments to realise and when he did finally realise he went in a huff for two days. Two days because he got something wrong and he wouldn’t talk to anybody." He did of course omit the detail of the two women that were hired ending up in a skip in more parts than he could count, but that was best left off. 

John laughed, good humour and a bit of relief welling up inside of him. He swallowed his laughter by taking another drink, still grinning at Sebastian when he had put it down.

 “Oh my god, he sounds almost exactly like Sherlock,” he said, shaking his head. 

He leaned back in his chair, more relaxed now that he knew Sebastian wasn’t straight. He knew he still didn’t have a chance, but the possibility of a good snog gave him a bit of hope. Shit, how long had it been since he’d been intimate with anyone? Well, there were the girlfriends he had had around Sherlock, but they hadn’t been great. 

"Sherlock thought Harry was my brother, and he pouted about it for a good day and a half. Kept bringing it up because lord knows he couldn’t possibly be wrong." John shook his head, taking another drink and giving Seb more of a lingering look over his shoulders, down to his chest, and back up to his eyes. He shivered at the heat he saw there, the liveliness in his eyes.

It was certainly something to look at.

"He sounds completely insufferable and I certainly don’t envy you." As John leant back, Sebastian leant forward, following his movements before taking a long drink of his pint and downing nearly half of the drink. 

"So, do you end up stuck with him most of the time? Because I swear I can completely see why you would want to escape to the pub." Sebastian wondered if he walked into 221b with John, would Sherlock be able to read everything about him? If he was anything like Moriarty, which seemed the case, then Sherlock would know everything about him immediately, and the mere thought of it sent a thrill of risk down Sebastian’s spine. 

He followed the path of John’s eyes when they moved down to stare at Sebastian’s shoulders and over his chest and he consciously flexed and watched the way John’s eyes almost darkened. As John brought his eyes back up, Sebastian slowly licked his lips. He brought the glass up to take another drink, letting his tongue touch the rim of the glass before tipping it to his mouth. 

The reactions he was getting from John were spurring him on, and if he played this carefully John wouldn’t have to be dealing with Sherlock tonight because he would be busy dealing with Sebastian.

John squirmed in his seat, trying to ignore the slow burn in his lower stomach. He crossed his legs and fought down the growing tension in his jeans, closing his eyes for a moment to get control of himself.

"Yeah, unfortunately I’m stuck with him quite often," he said slowly, looking up at Sebastian and giving him a rather flirty smile. He hadn’t even had that much to drink yet; he was still on his first pint, not quite two thirds of the way through it yet. This was either going to be bloody brilliant or a fucking mess.

"You… stuck with anyone?" he asked, his eyes flitting to Seb and then away. He ran his hand nervously through his hair and licked his lips. "I mean, are you seeing anyone?" he corrected, hating how damned awkward it felt asking Seb. He wasn’t used to doing the asking. He usually had women offering to take him home, sometimes all but dragging him out of the pub. 

The tables were turned now, and he didn’t really like it. But god, he would give anything to be dragged out of the pub by Sebastian.

"Stuck with someone? You have no idea. But seeing anyone? No, I’m not." He watched John and he could see the other man was actually flustered and he gave a breathy laugh. 

"My awkward job hours are difficult to work around with most people. Also, I know you might find this hard to believe but some people are actually intimidated by me." Sebastian straightened up in his seat and puffed out his chest somewhat, the only thing giving away the fact he was trying to be intimidating was the smile that nearly lit up his face. "I have no idea where they get that idea from." He threw one hand up in a gesture that indicated he was confused by the whole thing, and he finished off the rest of his drink before turning back to the bar and ordering more drinks. 

"So, how long will it take before your pet detective starts missing you?" Sebastian wanted to know if it was possible that John wouldn’t be returning to 221b tonight and he was really fucking hoping he wouldn’t be. 

John laughed at Sebastian’s ridiculous expressions and motions. God, how he missed this. This easy back and forth banter between friends. It felt good, familiar, and it seemed to be different with Seb compared to a couple of other people he had known from the army.

"I don’t think he misses me at all," he commented. "Seems as though he carries on when I’m away as if I was still there. Went away to see Harry for a weekend, and when I came back, he had apparently had three different conversations with me that I wasn’t in attendance for." He chuckled softly, looking up at Seb under his eyelashes as the server gave them more drinks.

"Why were you wondering?" he asked, arching his eyebrow and trailing his lips along the edge of the glass before he took a drink. "Got a free night tonight?"

If the wording of John’s question and the tone to his voice were anything to go by, then he knew exactly why Sebastian was wondering and he wanted to know if it was a viable option as well. 

"Well isn’t that lucky for me, because I can assure you, I would notice if you were gone." His eyes darkened and he fully focused on John, one side of his mouth quirking up at the corner and his eyelids lowering ever so slightly.

"And yes, as it happens, I do have a free night, and I would quite happily save you from your flatmate even if it was for a short while." Of course by short while he meant all night, preferably spent in his flat with minimal clothing, but honestly with the way John was looking at him Sebastian was sure all he had to do was ask. But oh, this was so much more fun. Watching John squirm and decide if he should make the first move. 

John bit back a soft whine, keeping his darkened eyes locked on Sebastian. He followed the crook of his mouth, the sensual hook of it all the way up to Sebastian’s eyes, hooded and heavy. 

Arousal settled low in John’s gut, and he licked his lips again, blowing out a heavy breath soon after. He was already in too deep. This was going to happen. He didn’t care anymore about anything else; he wanted this.

"Feel like blowing this place and going somewhere better?" he asked, raising his eyebrows hopefully at Seb as he took another drink, leaning forward to put them closer again, close enough that he could smell Seb’s cologne, could see every small piece of stubble that adorned his jaw. He almost moaned, but he quickly bit his lip and looked down, hiding the noise and his overwhelming lust.

Sebastian took in the dilation of John’s pupils and the changes in his breathing almost hungrily. John worked fast and he was slightly impulsive; Sebastian more than liked that because it would make him slightly more unpredictable. 

He finished of his drink quickly and looked to John, lowering his voice to make it sound huskier than it already was. 

"You eager, Captain John Watson?" As he stood, he placed a large hand on John’s thigh to ‘help himself up’ and turned to face John, his brain already starting to plan this evening.   
He already knew how he wanted it to end, John practically sobbing beneath him, begging and thoroughly fucked, but of course the night was still young. "I do believe I have a rather tasteful bottle of scotch in my flat and it’s only a twenty minute walk, no need to waste a nice evening, Doctor." Now that he had him hooked, he needed to make him wait, he needed to know how far he could push him before he finally snapped back and took what he wanted. 

John swallowed, looking up at Seb, who was so much taller than him. He slowly got to his feet, putting them so close together that they very nearly brushed chests. The air seemed to get impossibly hotter, and John sucked in a long, slow breath. 

"No need to waste it at all, Colonel," he said, smiling up at Seb and putting a hand on his chest to gently push him back. He tried not to focus on the hard muscle beneath his hands.

John’s hand felt almost hot through the thin material of Sebastian’s shirt, and he could only wonder how hot it would be on his skin.

"We ought to get going, then; we don’t want to be here all night," John said slyly, reaching for his wallet, because damned if he was going to let Seb cover his drinks. 

He looked back up at Seb, then to the door, and then finally took the lead out of the pub, waiting for Sebastian on the pavement. “Twenty minutes from here? That’s a pretty nice part of town. You weren’t lying when you said your boss paid well.” He chuckled, stuffing his hands in his pockets as they started to walk together.

 He followed John out of the pub and smirked to himself. Oh tonight would most certainly be good. 

"Yeah, he certainly does. Almost enough to make dealing with him worth it." Sebastian laughed softly before settling into a comfortable silence as they walked.

He walked close to John, their shoulders almost touching, and he was half tempted just to shove him against a wall so he could finally taste his mouth, but he was a patient man. More patient, apparently, than John Watson, who was almost thrumming with energy at the possible outcome of the evening. 

John couldn’t help himself. He wanted this, wanted Seb. He didn’t have any fantasies about him being on top, because fucking hell, he couldn’t see Sebastian bottoming. Not that it mattered, anyway, because John wanted so badly to be taken by the colonel.

He had to turn his head down to hide his rising blush. “Maybe I should come work for him,” he teased. “He sounds a lot like Sherlock, and Christ, if he actually pays money, I could definitely deal with him,” he joked, shaking his head and grinning, a small bounce rising in his step.

Sebastian couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped him at John’s comment. He was sure that John in his line of work would be a major asset to the boss, but he didn’t know if John’s moral code would allow for such of thing. Of course, he knew that the man was attracted to danger and it might make things easier for him to… persuade John to pursue a new career. 

"I honestly don’t know if you would like working for him, I wouldn’t be able to tell. Plus I would have to divulge some details to you, and, well, it’s all a bit complicated." He left it at that. He may in the morning consider telling John a few more details, but of course withholding the information of who his boss was. If John was intrigued then his workplace had the potential to become considerably more interesting. 

"Enough about work, I doubt you escaped Sherlock to talk about menial things like work. I went through your blog last night…" It was certainly fucking interesting; he made it sound like he worshiped Sherlock, but with the way John spoke about him in private he wondered if John had some form of ulterior motive. "You’re certainly… descriptive of his talents." 

John snorted, lifting a shoulder in a half shrug. “The nicer I am, the more he leaves me alone,” John said, shaking his head. “Honestly, if I have to hear one more complaint of his, saying how stupid people are and how little they observe, I may just fucking off myself.”

He leant over a bit against Sebastian, nudging him with his arm. Seb felt good. Solid and warm whenever he touched him. 

"He’s certainly a bit backwards. I wouldn’t off myself, though; I would fucking kill him. Strangle the fucker in his sleep if he pissed me off that much. I have to admit, when it comes to him, you have the patience of a saint." When John nudged Seb’s arm, they didn’t bother to part again and were now walking with their sides almost flush, and it was taking some ungodly will power for Sebastian not to slip his hand down the back of John’s pants right now.

"Yeah, I may not like working for your boss, but it’s a bit hard to say, I guess. I’ve been known to like things that I was positive I would hate. You, for example. Rumours of you proceeded you, and, well, I was pretty sure that I would hate you, even after I met you. Then, naturally, you had to be a fucking sex god and a damned good soldier, and I was just… lost," John admitted, a bit easier to do now that he knew they were both flirting.

 "Oh it’s also lovely to hear my reputation was that sparkling. At least you know better now, huh?" He raised the arm John was nearly leaning against and put it around John’s shoulders, leaning his head close to John’s, but not close enough for John to garner any satisfaction. "Well, I can’t really comment on the idea that I am in fact a sex god. I think that is definitely the kind of thing someone would have to experience before forming any opinions." He squeezed John’s shoulder lightly before moving his arm away and dropping it back down by his side. He was positive the sexual tension permeating the air would kill someone if they came between them. What the night could have in store hung thick between them, but Sebastian was enjoying the slow build; it would make everything so much sweeter. 

John squirmed under the subtle attention, the small bit of touch and the low tone of Sebastian’s voice.

“Well I certainly can’t wait to be able to comment on it for myself, once I know whether or not it’s true,” he said, looking up at Seb with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You’re a damned tiger, I swear," he teased, stepping a little away from Sebastian, because two could play this game, and he was actually pretty good at it.

Sebastian nearly snorted when John called him a tiger and he over dramatically rolled his eyes. "Please don’t tell me you have given me a nickname?"  

John didn’t reply and took the hand closest to Sebastian out of his pocket, letting it swing between them as they walked, occasionally brushing the back of Sebastian’s hand with his own.

Sebastian resisted the urge to grab John’s hand and pull John close to him. But he could wait. After all, it was more than glaringly obvious what tonight would entail and they were both nearly burning with anticipation. 

Once they finally reached his building, Sebastian was half tempted to run the rest of the way since he was almost thrumming with energy, but instead he managed to walk into the elevator, pressing the number for his floor and tapping his foot. 

It seemed to take them forever to get to Seb’s flat, but eventually John found himself guided into an elevator. Once Seb stepped in beside him, the space seemed to shrink in half, and John found himself pressing up against the back wall just to leave space for Sebastian.

Seb noticed that John was pressed almost into the corner, nearly trying to distance himself from Sebastian, who seemed to take up most of the lift. So, naturally, Sebastian moved back until John wouldn’t have been able to move even if he wanted too, though he kept himself turned toward the doors. 

When the lift finally stopped, he may have ‘accidentally’ pressed back against John’s hips before moving out of the elevator and walking toward his door. 

His mind started racing as he pulled out his key and slowly unlocked the door. As soon as the door was closed, he didn’t know what would happen. He didn’t know if he could make it to his kitchen and pour them a drink or if he would grab John and pin him up against the walk and fuck his mouth with his tongue.

He opened the door and walked inside, waiting to see what John would do when he entered before he decided what he was going to do himself. 

John watched the nervous energy flitting around Sebastian, could see his coiled muscles flexing under his shirt, and all he wanted to do was take it off and taste every last inch of him.   
He stopped inside of the threshold and closed the door behind him, watching the colonel closely.

“Seb? Are you really going to make me have another drink? I’d rather actually remember this in the morning.” He tried to joke, but he was entirely serious. He wanted to feel Sebastian above him, inside of him, and he wanted to be able to carry those feelings with him into the next morning.

He walked over to Seb and set his hands lightly on his hips. “Please?” he asked in his softest voice, looking up at Seb from under his lashes as he started trailing his hands lower, slowly cupping him through his jeans. He was unsurprised to find him, well, really fucking big. He swallowed, but he smiled cattily, wanting this now, not willing to wait.

Sebastian almost swore in relief as John said he didn’t want another drink, of course in all fairness the offer was simply to get John to his apartment and, oh fuck, the way John was looking at him already had his cock twitching in interest and he quietly gasped when John’s hand cupped him through the denim. 

He pressed forward into John’s hand and wrapped his own arm around John’s waist. 

"Hmm, since you said please." Sebastian immediately brought his lips down and captured John in a heated kiss. He pushed forward into John’s hand again, feeling his arousal grow as he brought a hand up to tangle in John’s short hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and kudos are the best and come find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets heated very quickly and basically this is smut.

John groaned against Sebastian’s lips, tilting his head up to make it easier on him and to allow a better meeting of their lips. He pressed closer to Seb, his hand slowly massaging over the bulge in his jeans, feeling over the length. 

"Jesus," he whispered, nipping at Sebastian’s lower lip, opening his eyes briefly to look up at him and give him a smirk. He moved his hands up, tracing under the hem of Sebastian’s tight shirt until finally skimming his whole hand over hard muscle and smooth skin. Just that alone brought a low moan to his lips, and he pressed even closer, wanting to feel and see all of him.

Sebastian grasped the front of John’s top as John’s hands roved over Sebastian’s body and started pulling him forward. He didn’t even have to look over his shoulder as he pulled John toward his bedroom, moving one hand as he did so to cup John’s arse and squeezed none too gently.

As soon as they got through the bedroom door, Sebastian had John pinned up against the wall by his shoulders, holding him with a forearm across his chest, as he leaned down to capture his lips again. The kiss was slightly desperate, and Sebastian slipped his tongue into John’s mouth, stroking it against John’s own. He pressed his entire body against John’s and moved his arm so now John was trapped with the press of Sebastian’s entire body.

John was hot, and cold, every inch of his body sparking with the solid press of Sebastian against him. He was helpless to do anything, though he wouldn’t have anyway. 

Sebastian skimmed his hands down to John’s hips and moved them under and up John’s jumper and undershirt, nearly groaning as he finally felt the warm skin beneath his hands. He finally pulled back, almost breathless from the kiss, and quickly pulled off his own t-shirt before looking at John with heavy lidded eyes and spoke with a voice that was almost a growl.

"Off, now!"

John blinked hard when Seb pulled back, jumping at the sharp order, which went straight down to his cock, making it twitch. Fuck… he was so fucked.

He grabbed the hem of his jumper and quickly pulled it off, tossing it aside as he kept eye contact with Sebastian, who grinned as John was all too eager to follow his order; he was certainly going to keep that in mind for later. Slowly, John tugged off his vest, too, dropping it beside him as he stared at Sebastian, wanting the colonel to undress him the rest of the way. He wanted to be ravaged, but he wanted to make Seb work for it first. 

"Your turn," he breathed, taking a step forward and grabbing the waist of Seb’s jeans, pulling him closer. He immediately started mouthing at his chest, rolling his tongue over his left nipple, sucking and nipping it lightly as he looked up to meet Seb’s hooded gaze.

Sebastian swore as John started to mouth over his chest, moaning lightly as he took a nipple into his mouth. Sebastian moved his hands to John’s waist and trailed his short nails down his sides, leaving pale scratch marks in their wake before he stopped at the waist band of the other man’s jeans.

He reluctantly moved back so John’s mouth parted from his chest, and he dipped his head down, biting the crook of John’s neck just above the collarbone. He sucked over the spot he had just bit before laving it with his tongue; almost relishing the tastes of John’s skin before he mouthed up to John’s neck and repeated the action, but this time he also moved his hands and started to unfasten John’s jeans. 

Once he had them open, he didn’t bother to move them down but instead slipped his hand inside and stroked John firmly over the fabric of his boxers as he continued to mark John’s neck and shoulder. 

John whimpered, his hands moving up from the waistband of Seb’s jeans and across his ribcage, up his back to his shoulders, where he clung to him. Every time Sebastian scraped him with his teeth, John would gasp, rocking his hips forward, pressing himself against the palm of Sebastian’s hand. 

"Oh… fuck," he breathed, leaning his shoulders back against the wall for support, because he was positive that he was going to fall down if he didn’t. "Please," he begged, biting his lower lip and closing his eyes at the soft torture of Sebastian’s mouth.

Sebastian groaned at hearing John say please, his voice was thick with arousal and want. Sebastian finally moved John’s boxers out of the way enough to get his hand around John’s length and he squeezed the shaft lightly before running his thumb over the tip, smirking against John’s neck at the bead of pre-cum that was already there. 

He moved his thumb slowly over the head before wrapping his fingers complete around John’s cock and moving his hand tortuously slow. He moved his head back only slightly so his lips moved against John’s skin when he spoke. 

"Please what? What do you want me to do, John?" He licked up John’s neck and nipped lightly at his jaw before hovering just in front of John’s mouth, their breath mingling together, 

"Do you want to fuck my mouth, Captain? Do you want me on my knees, John? Tell me." He kept his mouth millimetres away from John’s as he started to move his hand the slightest bit faster over John’s cock, giving him more friction but still not nearly enough.

John shook his head, whimpering softly because this wasn’t enough not nearly enough. “No… Colonel, please… want you to fuck me… fuck my mouth… anything. God, please.”

He’d never felt this way, never felt so dirty, so wanted, so fucking aroused in his life. He wanted Seb in ways he never thought he would want anyone, genders be damned. It was shrouding him in a cloud of lust and threatening to push him over the edge, and what had they done? Practically nothing. 

He pushed his hips against Seb’s hand, groaning at the slide of his cock through Seb’s fist. “Ohhhh Jesus,” he shuddered, pleasure rushing through him. 

The sound of John’s whimpers sent a tremor of arousal down Sebastian’s spine, and it was as if something clicked in his head. He stopped moving the hand on John’s cock and squeezed lightly, keeping his hand in the same place, now refusing to move. 

He watched the way John’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes dark, he watched a tongue dart out to wet the already damp pink lips before he captured John in a biting kiss. It was all raw need and lust; he bit at John’s bottom lip before pulling back.

"Such a needy whore, aren’t you, Watson?" His voice was rough and on the verge of threatening. As he spoke he also moved his hand away from John’s cock before he moved away from the man completely, Sebastian turned around and walked toward the bed, ignoring John until he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his jeans open and holding his own length in one hand.

"Come here, I want you on your knees in front of me, hands behind your back."

John inhaled slowly, shakily, something low in his gut churning as he stared at Sebastian sitting there on the edge of the bed with his long hard cock in his hand. Oh, Jesus fuck…

"Yes, sir," John said, swallowing as he stepped forward, unsure of where his feet were beneath him as he made his way towards Seb. He lowered himself to his knees slowly, staring up at Sebastian with dark, hooded eyes. His gut was rolling, his cock hard and leaking as he sat there and waited, his hands going behind his back. 

He felt vulnerable, exposed. The  _dangerdanger_  warning was going off in his head, but for the moment he didn’t care. The adrenaline surging through him was enough to make his cock twitch, anticipation hanging tangible in the air. 

He’d never wanted to be fucked so much in his life.

Sebastian smiled at john when he followed his orders, but this time it was the smile a wolf would give a sheep, a predator whose prey was offering themselves up for the taking, and John looked desperate, the way his eyes flicked up to Sebastian’s face before settling again on his cock as if he was transfixed.

He decided to make John wait for a short while and he started moving his hand over his shaft, squeezing in the way he knew would draw a moan. He started to twist slightly on every downward stroke and squeezing whenever he reached the base all the while keeping his eyes fixed on John. The man was almost salivating and it certainly would be a shame not to put that to use… He brought his thumb up to rub over his own tip, collecting the drop of pre-cum that had collected there before moving his hand toward John. 

The palm of his hand cupped John’s face as he pressed the thumb against John’s mouth, demanding entrance; once he felt the sensation of saliva against his skin he hooked his thumb in John’s mouth and used it to pull him forward toward his cock.

John made a small noise, suckling on Sebastian’s thumb while it was in his mouth. The acidic taste of pre-cum bloomed across his tongue, and he had to suck a little harder to hide his desperate moan.

"Suck. If you move your hands and use anything other than your mouth then there may just have to be consequences." He removed the thumb from John’s mouth and jutted his hips forward slightly so John would have the best access.

John licked his lips when Seb pulled his thumb away, making sure to catch the colonel’s eyes as he did so. He knew that Sebastian was just as desperate as he was; it was just that he was better at hiding it than John was.

 “Yes, sir,” he whispered, wondering for a moment what the punishment would be, and whether or not he would enjoy it as much as he was enjoying this. Maybe that was something to find out for another time, because right now, all he wanted was Sebastian inside of him.

He lowered his head, keeping his hands firmly clasped behind his back, and licked over the head of Sebastian’s cock, moaning in the back of his throat as he teased the slit with the tip of his tongue and finally swallowed him down.

Sebastian tasted bloody amazing, and John hummed around his girth, taking him down further and sucking hard, keeping his cheeks hollowed as he started slowly bobbing his head, his tongue wriggling as much as possible with the space left in his mouth. 

"Fucking hell John. Such a good mouth." Sebastian had to refrain himself from bucking up into John’s mouth, but he imagined what it would be like if he did, hearing John almost choking on his cock, and he had to bite his lip to calm himself down. 

Sebastian brought a hand up to John’s short sandy hair and gripped it rather tightly, finally giving in and moving his hips up ever so slightly pushing his length further into John’s mouth. 

"Christ, John. So fucking good." The room was filled with the sound of Sebastian moans and the sound of John’s wet lips around his cock as John kept moving as Sebastian slowly fucked his mouth, John adding rhythm and going deeper, wanting to prove how good he was, how good he could be. The praise that Seb gave him felt good. So fucking good. Made him swell with pride.

"Do you want me to fuck you, John? Do you want my cock filling you up?"

John moaned around Sebastian’s cock at his last question, his eyelids closing. He wanted to nod, but he didn’t want to mess up his rhythm. He wanted to say yes, yes of course, but that would require pulling off and damned if he was going to do that. 

Instead he sucked harder, pushed down deeper, still moaning, his tongue pressing the vibrations against Seb’s long length, damp with his saliva.

"Oh fuck!" As John sucked harder he was transfixed by the way his cheeks were hollowing around his cock, but if he kept it up he would be spilling down John’s throat much sooner than he would have liked. 

"John, oh gods. You need to stop if you want me to fuck you." Fuck, he was almost panting now and the grip in John’s hair had now tightened to the point it would be painful. 

He rocked his hips upward and pushed John’s head down so he ended up forcing his cock to the back of the other man’s throat. He groaned loudly and almost whimpered himself at the small choking sounds John was making. He was half tempted to roughly fuck John’s mouth until he did come down the captain’s throat but he so desperately wanted to be buried balls deep in his arse. Other things could definitely fucking wait. 

He roughly yanked John’s head back, and relished in the way John gasped greedy for air. 

"Lube, bedside cabinet, top drawer. I want you to get it but do not dare get off your knees.” 

John’s lungs burned as he inhaled feverishly, nearly hyperventilating as he swallowed down the abundance of saliva in his mouth. He nodded, unable to get out proper words for the moment, too focused on breathing, still feeling the entire length of Sebastian’s cock stuffed in his mouth and down his throat.

He moved over to the bedside cabinet, staying on his knees. It was awkward to move, and he was so very conscious of his arse swaying as he shuffled across the floor. Fuck, he could feel Sebastian’s eyes burning into him, and a severe flush rose up his neck and settled over his cheeks.

He reached up to the top drawer and pulled it open, shuffling around with his fingers until he grasped the lube, closing the drawer again before turning triumphantly back to Sebastian. “How would you like me, sir?” he asked, giving a small smile.

Sebastian licked his lips as he watched John move, he them almost grinned at the look on John’s face once he had found the lube and turned back to him, almost proud that he had done as instructed. He also didn’t even have to think about how he wanted John, he knew he wanted to see the man’s face as he filled him, he wanted to see every reaction.

Sebastian’s voice was rough when he spoke. "On your back on the bed with a pillow under your hips, legs parted as far as they can. There’s a good boy." 

His own mind was already jumping ahead and supplying him with images of John on his back holding his legs open so Sebastian could prepare him, the flush on John’s skin as he pushed into him and the sounds he would make as he snapped his hips forward.

"NOW."

John jumped a little at the command, pushing himself off of the floor and onto the bed in one swift motion. He set the bottle of lube to the side on the large, squishy bed, grabbing a pillow as he rolled onto his back, shoving it under his hips. 

He made a small, soft noise, giving a look of innocence to Sebastian, knowing that he would eat it up and ravish him for it. John wanted to be fucked, now, and he wanted it hard. 

"Anything else, sir?" he asked, his voice lilted, warm, dripping like honey as he spread his legs wide, running his fingertips up the inside of his thighs as he pulled his legs open further and held them there, completely opened for Sebastian to see.

Sebastian grinned as John jumped at his command before he went to pick up the lube. He watched intently as John moved as directed and ended up lying on his bed holding his legs open.

Sebastian almost gasped at the sight; he felt more pre-cum beading at the tip of his cock and he moved almost too eagerly to settle between John’s legs. He liberally coated his fingers and supported himself with one arm so he was hovering over John, reaching his hand down between them so he could prepare him. 

He brought his head down and paused, millimetres away from John’s lips, flicking his tongue out but drawing it back just as quickly. When he spoke, his own lips were brushing against John’s.

"Such an eager little slut, aren’t you?" Before John could even reply, Seb was kissing him roughly; the need spilling into it was more than clear. Without warning he pushed one finger into John, keeping their lips pressed together and he pushed his finger in all of the way and crooked it slightly. 

John was tight and hot around one finger and Sebastian could barely imagine what he would feel like around his prick. Without thought, he withdrew his finger before this time pressing in two. He met a small bit of resistance but he twisted them until they were fully seated and he crooked them again, this time hitting his target. Feeling the small bundle of nerves under his fingertips, he pressed down and rubbed.

John moaned against Sebastian’s lips at the first finger, but he pulled away and cried out at the sudden push of two fingers against the tight ring of muscle, the burn that they left behind nearly painful.

And then he was falling apart, his body shaking and shuddering in sensitivity as Sebastian pressed over his prostate, rubbing it firmly, obviously not in the mood for playing around. He nearly sobbed, shaking, trembling as Sebastian kept going, added another finger.

"Fuck," he gasped, tilting his hips away from the pressure, shaking his head because holy fuck there was so much going on. His senses were overwhelmed, his mind not knowing what to make of any of it. " _Jesus fuck,_ ” he breathed, fingertips digging into his thighs as he held on tighter to them. 

Sebastian was almost panting with want as he watched John come apart beneath him, feeling John clenching around his fingers and desperate to know what it would feel like around his cock.   
He arched his back and brought his head down to capture a nipple between his teeth and tugging while he continued to fuck John with his fingers. 

He pulled back to see the almost painful grip John had on his own thighs, the thin layer of sweat of his skin and the twisted look of pleasure on his face. He looked as if he was falling apart and Sebastian wanted to keep going until he was shattered. 

He felt John trembling beneath him as he pulled out his fingers slowly before slicking up his own length. He groaned as he moved his hand over his shaft, desperate for friction, and he lined up with John’s entrance. 

He hooked his own arm under one of John’s legs, the other grasping his hips as he pushed his way in. He gave no time for John to adjust until he was balls deep in the other man. 

"Fucking hell, John!" The tight heat around him was very nearly too much and the grip on John’s hip would most definitely be leaving bruises. He took a few more moment to reign himself in before he started moving with long deep thrusts. 

John had to let go of his thighs, had to, because he  _needed_  to hold onto Sebastian, needed to cling to him. He wrapped his arms tightly around Seb’s back, his nails digging in to his skin. And he didn’t care, couldn’t care because Seb was so fucking deep, rubbing against his prostate, and John could fucking  _feel_  him.

"Holy fuck," he gasped, over and over, mixing the words with moans and small pleas until nothing he said could be distinguished from them. He threw his head back, clenching his jaw as he shuddered, feeling how quickly his orgasm was approaching. 

"Faster," he begged. "Harder, please, something." He arched up against Sebastian, his cock bouncing over his stomach as Seb fucked him. "Please, I’m so close. Need something," he gasped, his fingers running up Sebastian’s back, tangling in the chain of his tags at the nape of his neck.

Hearing John practically begging for him like that almost tipped Sebastian over the edge but he managed to hold on and set his jaw. Well, John was going to get what he asked for. 

He snapped his hips and thrust into John as hard as he could, a shout being pulled from him as he did so. His back was stinging from Johns nails and it made his nerve ending light up, mixing pain with pleasure.

Sebastian started a brutal pace, fucking into John fast and hard, drinking in the whimpers and delicious sounds the man beneath him was making as he came apart. He wondered if John was so worked up he could cum from not being touched… There was one way to find out.

Sebastian angled his hips so every powerful thrust was hitting John’s prostate. He grunted as he felt the coil of heat in his stomach and there was no way he could hold back this time but he wanted to see Johns face twist in pleasure as he came before he did.

"Come on, John, such a good little slut taking it like that. Cum for me, cum for me, John."

John couldn’t even make any noise. His mouth was open, hanging there on a silent scream, but nothing could be heard. All he could do was hold on as Sebastian pounded into him, hitting him perfectly, driving him to the edge.

He managed a noise as he spilled over, crying out, sobbing Sebastian’s name as his muscles tensed and his back arched. Ropes of cum landed on his chest and stomach, dripped onto the sheets, peppered Seb’s chest.

“Fuck!” he yelled, the brutal pace driving him to oversensitivity quickly, making him shudder and squirm beneath Seb, half wanting to get away and half wanting to flip them over and ride Sebastian until he came. 

But he could see just by Seb’s face that he was far too close for that.

As John came untouched, Sebastian could feel him clenching around his cock, and that sensation alone practically forced Sebastian’s orgasm, and he continued to thrust into John as he finally came. 

"Fucking hell! JOHN!" His cock pulsed as he kept moving, filling John up and tormenting his already oversensitive body, pulling every shudder from the man writhing beneath him. 

Once he couldn’t take the heat around his sensitive cock anymore, he finally stopped and very nearly collapsed on top of John but managed to hold himself up until he slid out carefully. He felt John’s hole twitching around him when he pulled out, making him groan deeply before rolling next to the man and panting heavily. 

"Fuck. I… just. Fuck." 

John gave a soft whimper in acknowledgement, slowly nodding as he let himself relax. His legs flopped down to the mattress, hid hands hanging limply at his sides.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, staring up at the ceiling, his breaths coming in short, slow gasps as he regained his bearings. "That was bloody amazing," he murmured, rolling slowly onto his side and resting against Sebastian, nuzzling into his shoulder, licking lightly over his slightly sweaty skin. 

Sebastian could only hum in agreement, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breaths. As John shifted so he was against his side, Seb moved his arm so it was tucked around John, pulling him closer. 

John didn’t even care that Sherlock was going to pick him apart when he got home in the morning. For now, this was all he cared about - the soft mattress beneath him and the warm body beside him. “You’re wonderful,” he said softly, resting his head on Seb’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

"Well, I certainly like to think I am." Sebastian laughed quietly, more breathy than anything, and stared up at the ceiling. He really wanted to pull the quilt over them but he also didn’t want to move at all. 

Eventually the need for more comfort won out, and he shuffled around until the quilt was pulled up to their waists and he moved a hand to stroke John’s hair. 

"Do you think this could be a regular occurrence?"

John all but purred, the added warmth from the quilt seeping into his body, getting his muscles to relax. He had to smile at the question, enjoying the bit of uncertainty in Sebastian’s voice. It was nice to feel wanted enough that Sebastian would want him back, let alone ask in a sweet way.

"If you make me breakfast, then you’ve got yourself a deal," he chuckled lightly, tipping his head up and capturing Sebastian’s lips in a slow, sensuous kiss, their tongues teasing together, taking the time to explore each other’s mouths now that they weren’t in a rush to get to the bed. Sebastian all but sighed into the kiss, it was slow and languid now that they were completely sated.

John pulled away after a while, nestling himself against Seb’s side and wrapping his arm around his waist.

When John settled back against his shoulder, Seb kept the fingers moving in John’s hair, simply content to feel.

"I’m sure I could manage breakfast; doesn’t sound like too much of a push." He softly kissed the top of John’s head while he played with the soft strands of hair, his demeanour totally changed now that they were now lying together in the quiet room. John enjoyed the fingers in his hair more than he thought he would, and it brought a quiet hum to his lips.

“Can I sleep now?” he asked, resting his head comfortably against Sebastian’s shoulder. 

"Yes, sleep. I think I could use some as well." He kept his fingers moving in John’s hair for a moment longer before pulling his hand back. He untangled himself from John for a moment before turning and lying on his side so he was facing John, and he pulled the smaller man to his chest.

"Goodnight, Captain."

John hummed softly, nuzzling against Sebastian’s chest and letting out a small sigh. “Night, Colonel,” he murmured, pressing a couple kisses to his chest before he let out a breath and fell asleep.

There were no nightmares, no flashes from the war. There was nothing. Just blissful, dark sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and kudos are the best and come find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com :)


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian rose early and had to move carefully from the bed so he didn’t rouse John, and he left the other man in bed so he could catch some more sleep; he certainly seemed like he needed it. 

He slipped on a pair of boxers and made his way into the kitchen, indulging in a more than well-deserved cigarette before putting on the coffee machine and finding something for breakfast since John had asked so nicely.

He didn’t have much in the kitchen since he was due to get some more things in, so toast it would have to be. As he put the bread on the counter, he let his mind wonder to last night. It had certainly been something else. Of course, he’d had plenty of good fucks before, but that was intense.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, grinning to himself before getting back to the breakfast.

When John eventually woke in the morning, it was to an empty bed. Frowning, he sat up and stretched, looking around the room, noticing the light peeking in from around the edges of the curtains. He slowly slipped out of bed, wincing at the bruises on his body and the pain in his arse, but he powered through, walking to the chest of drawers and finding a pair of pyjama bottoms. 

After slipping them on, he quietly made his way through the flat, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he found the kitchen. “Do I smell coffee?” he asked, blinking at the broad expanse of skin that was Sebastian’s back.

Sebastian turned around and couldn’t help but smile at the sleep rumpled John, his hair sticking up in places, and he was wearing a pair of Seb’s lounge pants.

"Morning, Captain, and you did say breakfast, didn’t you?"

John smiled, still a little groggy from sleep, but he was quickly waking up. He walked over to Seb, leaning up on his toes to lightly kiss his lips. “I can smell cigarette on you,” he murmured, nipping at Sebastian’s lower lip. “That’s a terrible habit,” he said, walking over to the coffee pot and filling up the mug that had been left out for him. 

He pushed his fingers through his hair as he sipped his coffee, trying to flatten it out, make it look somewhat presentable, but he knew that that would be impossible until he could shower. 

"I appreciate breakfast," he murmured, arching an eyebrow towards the toaster as he leaned against the counter, the lounge pants slipping a bit on his hips as he settled back and crossed his ankles. 

"It’s the little pleasures John, little pleasures." Sebastian grinned as John filled up his mug and already started to make himself at home. He couldn’t stop his eyes following the line of John’s hips as his slightly too large lounge pants hung low on John’s hips, and Seb subconsciously licked his lips. 

He moved forward and moved a hand up to John’s hair, messing it up again. "It looks better messy, you know; it suits you.” He leaned down and kissed John’s jaw before tasting the skin there and then moving back to kiss across John’s cheek before finally reaching his lips. "I hope I didn’t disturb you when I got up."

John had to set his mug aside so that he wouldn’t drop it. Why was Seb so bloody irresistible? Why did everything he say make John feel warm and prized and wanted? 

He rested his hands on Seb’s hips, pulling him closer, wanting to feel the heat of his skin pressed against his own. He kissed him back for a long time before he finally answered, tilting his head to the side so that Sebastian could get at his neck. 

"I didn’t even feel the bed move," he murmured, running his hand up Sebastian’s back and into his hair. "I was out solid. I appreciate you trying to let me sleep, though," he said, brushing the short strands of Seb’s hair at the nape of his neck.

Sebastian brought his hand up to rest on John’s jaw, almost cupping his face, keeping John looking at him.

"I know what it’s like to need sleep like that; you didn’t even move." He smiled down at John and felt some kind of warm rush. This man… he had killed people, but he wore cable knit jumpers. He had seen death, violence, and horrors that some people couldn’t imagine, yet it was as if he needed more. He was amazing, but Sebastian knew there was something else there, almost bubbling under his skin, and he got a small glimpse of it last night. He just couldn’t possibly place John and he didn’t know why he was so…

"You’re…" fucking fantastic, bordering on perfect? "amazing, John Watson."

John laughed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Sebastian’s chest, his arms circling his waist and holding him tightly. “Thank you,” he managed, still laughing lightly, his fingers moving in small, soft circles over Seb’s skin. 

"You’re better than amazing, I hope you know," he said softly, tipping his head up to catch Seb’s eyes. "I haven’t felt like that in years. And not just the sex. Mostly the sex, but not just," he teased, leaning up on his toes to kiss Sebastian’s chin. 

"Feel like taking a shower with me? I don’t want to go home yet, and I’d like to show off my mouth," he said, his voice still light, airy, as if he hadn’t just suggested what he had. "You seemed to like it a bit last night." He pulled Sebastian’s head down to whisper in his ear. "Maybe you could actually fuck it this time."

Sebastian shuddered as John whispered in his ear, and he pressed closer to John, effectively pinning him against the counter. 

"Fuck, I’m sure breakfast could wait." He pressed his lips to John’s neck before nibbling lightly on the skin, more content to take his time now that they had already seemingly got the initial tension out of the way. 

He let both of his hands slide over John’s shoulders and down his arms until settling on his hands. 

Sebastian moved back, keeping a grip on John’s hands and slowly leading him to the bathroom. He eventually let go of John’s hands before opening the glass door to the shower; luckily it was a large shower, so they would have more than enough room. 

He stripped off his boxers and stepped in, turning on the shower and sighing as the spray of hot water hit his skin before facing John and holding out his hand.

"Come on then."

John grinned, taking Sebastian’s hand and stepping inside after slipping out of the loose lounge pants. He was barely getting hit by the water where he was standing, but that was fine with him. 

He stepped up to Sebastian, smiling up at him as he stood on his toes and kissed him again, his hands gliding over Seb’s smooth skin, along his chest to tease a nipple with his thumb, and then down his stomach, over his impressive abdomen. 

"You’re fucking hot," he murmured softly against Seb’s lips, his fingers tracing over the colonel’s rapidly growing erection. "How would you like me?"

"Mmm John, you flatter me." He sighed as John touched him, and he grabbed the man’s arms, pulling him close so they were both standing under the spray. 

"If you keep indulging me like this, John, you’re going to spoil me." He kissed John again, taking his time and savouring the taste of John’s mouth. He pulled away slowly, tracing his hands over John’s waist before flicking his eyes down. 

"I want you on your knees." 

John groaned, looking up at Seb through the spray of water as he slowly, slowly sank to his knees, kissing his way down Seb’s chest and stomach, skirting around his cock for the moment. 

When he was settled on his knees, his ankles crossed behind him, he resting his hands on Sebastian’s hips, leaning forward to lick up his cock, suckling at the tip for a moment before he pulled away. He glanced up at Seb, grinning, and sucked a testicle into his mouth, gently playing his tongue over it before he let go and moved to the other one. 

He hummed, closing his eyes, enjoying what he was doing for the moment, his thumbs easing over Sebastian’s water-soaked skin.

Sebastian moaned quietly as John’s mouth moved over his balls, and he placed a hand on the side of John’s face, his thumb moving over the wet skin of John’s cheek.

"John, baby, so good with your pretty mouth." He couldn’t take his eyes off John, watching him intently on his knees before him. He watched as the water ran over his shoulders and brought his other hand to rest on the back of John’s neck.

John hummed, mouthing up the side of Sebastian’s cock before parting his lips wide and taking him down. He started slow, focusing on sensations and the sensitivity of the head. He rolled his tongue around the glans and teased the slit with the tip of his tongue, glancing up to watch the expressions play across Sebastian’s face. 

Then he started swallowing around him, bobbing his head to slowly taking him down further, experimenting with breathing through his nose, making sure that he still could, and then swallowing even more. 

He grabbed Seb’s hand, putting it firmly in his hair and giving him a sharp look, trying to make it obvious what he wanted.

"Oh fuck, John." Sebastian bit his lip as John started to swallow him down, the wet heat of his mouth slowly surrounding his cock. As John placed his hand in his hair and looked at him with fiery eyes, Seb felt his cock twitch in John’s mouth.

The thoughts he was having last night of being able to thoroughly fuck John’s mouth came flooding back. He thought of roughly forcing his cock as far into John’s mouth as it would go, the choking noises John would make, and Sebastian almost whimpered at the thought.

"So needy for it aren’t you?" He gripped John’s hair firmly and without warning pushed his cock into John’s mouth until it could go no further and held John’s head there, more than likely cutting off his air supply. He held him there, even if he resisted, for nearly ten seconds before he pulled him back by his hair.

John gasped as he pulled off, his head tilted back by Sebastian’s tight grip in his hair. He was pliant under his direction, willing to do whatever Seb asked. That was highly unusual for him, used to being in charge, but damned if he didn’t want it from Seb.

"Come on, fuck me," he said, pulling his head back to Seb’s cock and swallowing him down again, despite the sharp pull on his hair from Sebastian’s hand still firmly gripping it. 

He had the odd want to be choking on Sebastian’s cock, to be fucked down the throat over and over and over again until he was crying and unable to breathe.

"Gods, John, yes." Sebastian could usually last for quite a while, draw things out and take it slow, but for some reason John ended up giving him the libido of a sex deprived teenager, and he was already halfway there. The delicious sounds John had made while choking on his cock also had more than a lot to do with it, and this time when John took him into his mouth again, he didn’t force John’s head but still kept a grip on John’s hair.

He couldn’t stop himself from rolling his hips forward a bit but he let John take the initiative, his head falling back and his mouth parted in a silent moan.

John kept his eyes on Sebastian, rolling his tongue as he took Sebastian slowly down until his nose was touching Seb’s stomach, his tongue licking out a little further, touching Seb’s balls. 

He pulled away slowly, the same way that he had worked his way down, and by the time he got to the tip, he could tell how utterly close Sebastian was. “Take what you need,” John whispered, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out, an open invitation for Seb to take his mouth, hard.

Sebastian almost growled, and he didn’t have to be told twice. He retook his hard grip in John’s hair and started to fuck John’s mouth in earnest. Making sure he could feel the tip of his cock pressing into the back of John’s throat with the peak of each thrust. 

Every time John made one of those gorgeous choking noises, it sent a jolt right through Sebastian, culminating in his groin and forcing him closer to the edge.

His moans continued to echo around the bathroom as he came closer to completion. He kept the grip in John’s hair, moving his head to meet his thrusts. He placed his other hand on the side of John’s neck, his large hand just resting there but with the threat of completely cutting off John’s oxygen. 

He started to feel the spreading warmth starting in the pit of his stomach and continued to use John’s mouth to bring himself off. He was now teetering on the brink and thought he should give John at least some warning as to what he was about to do.

"Fucking hell, John, I’m gonna…" He felt the rush of orgasm and he pulled John’s head forward, pushing his pulsing cock down John’s throat, the choking and spluttering sounds John was making causing his to cum more violently.

"Fuck!"

John clutched at Sebastian’s hips, his nails digging in because he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t breathe, but Sebastian was cumming down his throat and it was so fucking hot. He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling tears leave and mix with the water from the shower. He made sure to swallow everything, though that wasn’t difficult with how far down his throat Seb’s cock was.

When Sebastian finally let go, John pulled off in a rush and coughed, sucking down air as much as he could between them. He ran his thumb over Sebastian’s hip to reassure him that he was okay, but otherwise he just coughed for a good long while. 

As John pulled away and coughed, almost spluttering, Seb stroked his fingers through John’s hair and almost cooed at him. 

"So good, such a good boy, shh." He smiled down at John when he finally stopped coughing and caught his breath, moving his fingers from John’s hair and tracing them over his face. 

"Holy shit," John gasped when he finally felt like he could talk. "That was fucking wonderful."

"It really was, now come here." Sebastian crouched down, gripping the top of John’s arms carefully and lifting him so they were standing pressed together again. He could feel John’s own arousal against his thigh and he tilted John’s face up by his chin. 

"We are going to have to do something about that, aren’t we darling?" He pressed his thigh forward against John’s cock before kissing him deeply, plunging his tongue into the doctor’s mouth and tasting himself on John’s lips. 

John moaned softly against Sebastian’s lips as that strong thigh rubbed firmly against his cock. He probably could have cum just like that. Wouldn’t have taken much at this point.

Seb hummed against the shorter man’s mouth before pulling back and smiling softly, rubbing his thigh against John’s cock again. 

"I want you to turn around, bend forward slightly and put your hands against the wall, keeping your head down. You gonna do that for me, John?" Sebastian’s voice was almost tender, and he stroked down John’s arm. 

John looked at Seb when he pulled back, leaning into his thigh for a moment and shuddering before he nodded, enjoying the soft silk of Sebastian’s voice as he turned around and took a step closer to the wall. He braced his arms against it and bent forward, ducking his head down as instructed. The hot water felt good rolling down his shoulders to his back, working out any tension that had built from the serious deep-throating he had just given. 

"Like this?" he asked softly, spreading his feet a little wider to give himself a bit better stability.

"Hmm, good, John." Sebastian moved forward and ran his hands up John’s sides slowly, placing a soft kiss to the top of John’s spine before lightly nipping the skin there. 

He kissed and nipped his way across John’s shoulders before stopping at his scar and licking gently over the raised skin before crouching down and starting to work his way down John’s torso. 

Sebastian dragged his nails down the skin of John’s back as his mouth reached the bottom of his spine and he finally ended up on his own knees. He brought a hand down and cupped one cheek of John’s arse, squeezing the flesh, before doing the same to the other side. 

He bit down on the skin of John’s arse and started to suck at the flesh beneath his teeth, marking him as his own again. He licked over the wet skin before moving back and giving a soft slap to the top of John’s thigh.

 John was squirming at the attention being given to him. Every small touch to his skin was like fire, and the smack to his thigh and the bite on his arse brought small noises to his lips. 

"Move your legs apart a tiny bit further." As John complied, Seb moved so both of his hands were on John’s buttocks again, and he didn’t wait for a reaction before he parted the cheeks of John’s arse and the tip of his tongue flicked over the exposed pucker. He reflexively squeezed the flesh under his hands as his tongue moved over John’s entrance before pushing the tip in ever so slightly and moving it around John’s hole. 

John gasped sharply when Sebastian licked him, wriggling his tongue over John’s hole. He whined, putting more of his weight onto his hands, his head falling down until his chin was against his chest. “Oh,” he breathed, his toes curling as Sebastian pressed his tongue in further.

"I’m not going to last," he whispered, pinching his eyes shut and letting out a small, almost choked breath. "Please please please," he begged, tension rolling in the pit of his gut. He needed release, needed to cum.

Sebastian ignored John’s pleas for a few long moments, keeping his tongue moving around the puckered flesh of John’s entrance before finally relenting and moving one hand around to grasp John’s straining cock. 

He kept his tongue moving as he started to stroke John’s length with firm slow strokes, occasionally running his thumb over the tip. He finally pulled back, keeping his hand moving around John’s prick, moving the other from the flesh of John’s arse. He placed a finger against John’s entrance, and as he gave John’s shaft a light squeezed he pushed in, immediately crooking it and finding John’s prostate. 

"Come on John, there’s a good boy. Cum for me." He relentlessly rubbed the tip of his finger over then bundle of nerves as he stroked John to orgasm, moving forward to mouth at the skin of his arse.

John fell apart as soon as Sebastian said he could, shaking and trembling as he orgasmed. His muscles clenched around Seb’s finger, his knees going weak and his breath shuddering out of him.

"Holy shit," he gasped, pulling away, twisting his body to get away from Sebastian’s relentless, over-stimulating touches. His knees couldn’t support him anymore, and he slid down the wall, going almost completely slack. "Fucking… bloody… Christ."

He smiled at Sebastian, closing his eyes as the high from orgasm slowly seeped out of his system, and he felt more in control of himself. He couldn’t help thinking, as he slowly clambered to his feet, how much more exciting it would be it they had a Dom/sub relationship.

John frowned, leaning his shoulder against the wall. Where the fuck had that thought come from?

Sebastian let John sink to the floor but kept a careful eye on him to make sure he was alright, smirking slightly at the fact it was him that had done that to John. As John managed to pick himself up and lean against the wall, Sebastian moved himself, standing up and wrapping his arms around John’s waist and supporting his weight. 

He brought a hand up and pulled John’s head forward so it was resting against his own shoulder and he leaned his head down to whisper in John’s ear, almost cooing again. "You were so good John, so good." He kept one arm wrapped around his waist - knowing how sated he was and wanting him to keep upright - as he grabbed a shampoo bottle off one of the shelves. 

He turned John around and made sure John’s body was still leaning against his as he started to wash his hair, taking his time and massaging the scalp, talking to John as he did so. 

"You like that, don’t you? You’re so obedient you know, it’s as if you thrive for being told what to do, following orders." 

John hummed, leaning against Sebastian’s warm body, letting the other man hold him up, not really caring how much trust was being put into him from how submissive he was being. 

"Only for you," he murmured, his eyes closed as Seb continued to massage the shampoo into his hair, taking care of him, rewarding him. It felt, to him, that this was basically domination anyway. All that was missing was a safeword and complete control on Seb’s part. Not that John would mind. 

"Sherlock can go fuck off. Sholto was weak. I didn’t like listening to his orders," he said softly, turning a bit so that he could nuzzle against Sebastian’s shoulder. "You’re different. Stronger. I trust you." It was just this tenderness being shown right now that gave John trust for the colonel. The fact that the man was a complete badass, and could be so rough to get what he wanted, but always took the time to be gentle to what he seemed to care about… it took a certain kind of balance for that, and John loved that he was on both ends of that spectrum.

Sebastian remained silent as he finished washing John’s hair and moved him under the spray to rinse the shampoo out. Once his hair was thoroughly clean, he turned the man around to face him, grasping his chin with one hand and forcing him to look at his face. 

"Anyone with half a brain would know that you don’t trust easily, what I fail to understand is how you have come to trust me so easily." He watched John’s eyes move way and his head starting to follow, but Sebastian stopped him before he could really look away. 

"John! Look at me. I’m not berating you, I’m just curious. I see how you react to my orders, I see the way you look at me and how needy you are." He pressed a soft kiss to John’s lips to reassure him, his other hand coming to rest on the small of his back. 

"What you need to do is trust me right now, what do you want? Tell me what you truly want."

John nestled himself in Sebastian’s hold for a moment, not wanting to admit it, not wanting to face up to what he wanted. Why was it so bloody embarrassing to him?

Fuck it. He leaned back, squaring his shoulders and tilting his chin up to look firmly at Sebastian. “I want you to Dom me. I want to do it and I want to do it correctly. I don’t want to be in control. I make mistakes when I’m in control,” he said, his voice softening at the last sentence, and he looked down for a moment. 

"At the very least in the bedroom, I want you to take charge. We can decide later, I suppose, if we want to extend it, but right now…" He swallowed, looking up at Sebastian and nodding briefly. "Please."

"Shh, that wasn’t so hard, now was it?" Sebastian stroked down John’s face before capturing his lips in a slow, deep kiss. He pulled back but kept John close. 

"I’m gonna quickly wash my hair; get yourself cleaned up, and we can talk about it properly. Perhaps another cup of coffee while we are at it, hmm?" Sebastian grabbed the shampoo again and lathered up his own hair, taking a lot less time with himself. Mostly just wanting to get it out of the way so they could talking about this properly. 

He washed himself down, and making sure John was clean, turned off the shower and stepped out, taking John’s hand and leading him out too. 

He wrapped a towel around John’s waist for him before throwing a robe around his shoulders and doing the same to himself. Then he made his way back into the kitchen, immediately going for the cigarette left on the counter from earlier. He sorted out the coffee machine again before lighting up a cigarette and turning to watch John to see how he was after his admission. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave kudos and really nice comments *hint hint* and come and find us on tumblr at startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com and johnsblog.co.vu :)


	5. Chapter 5

John folded his fingers together on the table top, humming softly to himself as he stared down at them, occasionally glancing up at Seb to watch him. “I still think that smoking is gross, but damned if you don’t look really hot doing it,” he said, giving a lopsided smile to Sebastian.

"Well sorry, but you have absolutely no say in my smoking habits." Sebastian gave John a sly grin, letting him know there was no way in hell anyone could get him to stop.

John blushed a bit, looking down and pulling the robe that Seb had lent him tighter around his shoulders. Sebastian watched as John pulled the robe tighter around himself. Obviously slightly uncomfortable. 

"Are you going to say anything, or are you just going to keep standing there? Because I just admitted something that I never even thought about before this morning and I really, really could use some sort of distraction right about now," John said in a bit of a rush, looking up at Sebastian again.

"Listen, John, I’m just taking a moment to think this through. I think it is pretty obvious I want this; I want what you do, but it needs to be thought about properly. I want it to be done right; I just want it to be right for you." Sebastian finished his cigarette and disposed of the end before pouring them some coffee, taking both mugs himself over to the living room and placing them on the table in front of the couch. 

"Come here, John." He raised his arm slightly, gesturing for John to sit next to him so Sebastian could wrap his arms around the smaller man. 

John heaved out a heavy breath, standing up and walking out into the living room. He folded his arms around himself as he sat down, leaning against Sebastian’s warm side. He nuzzled against him, enjoying the company. He didn’t even care that he was still here, that he was supposed to have left an hour ago. 

"What?" he asked softly, leaning forward to grab his coffee and sip on it as he returned to his previous position. "What do you want to do? Just talk about it? I know people usually write out contracts, but I think that seems a bit much," he murmured, giving a soft frown as he drank more coffee, utilising it to both warm him and wake him.

"I don’t think we need a contract, John. If you ever feel the need for one, though, or if you want to take things further in that way, then you have to tell me. I do think the first thing we need to establish is perhaps some rules and guidelines." Sebastian reached forward for his own coffee, careful not to disturb John, and settled back, one hand holding his coffee and the other hand stroking over the bathrobe where his arm was wrapped around John.

"The first thing, which should be glaringly clear, is that if you feel as if you need to tell me anything, no matter how insignificant, you must tell me straight away. I don’t want to have to force things out of you, especially concerning something like this. Of course, I know it can be difficult to express your thoughts, but as you said, you trust me, and I trust you." He took another sip of his coffee and placed his mug back down on the table so he could wrap both arms around John, and he pressed his lips to the top of his head.

"You know I’m going to take care of you, of course, let’s call it in between sessions, unless you do decide you want to extend this to other aspects of your life and not just the sex, but that can be discussed another time." He took a moment to simply enjoy the feel of John in his arms, the smaller man fitting there as if he were simply made to be there.

"We also need a safeword. On top of this, I want you to tell me right now if there is anything completely out of bounds. Anything at all: being called a certain name, any acts or any kinks. If there is anything that is an absolute no go you need to tell me right now. It would also be wise to tell me exactly what you like."

John hummed softly, nodding slowly so that Sebastian would know that he understood, and that he was just thinking. He set his coffee down and pulled his arms in, snuggling against Sebastian. He could fall asleep here, and he wouldn’t mind at all.

"No water sports," he said, scrunching his nose. "No fire at all. No guns." He swallowed, closing his eyes as he thought. "Blood play is a maybe. Breath play is good. Bondage is really good. Gags, blindfolds, stuff like that are okay. Flogging is alright, but I would prefer a whip," he said, nuzzling against Sebastian’s shoulder.

"I can’t think of anything else. Can you?" he asked softly, leaning back a little to look up at Seb. "Do you have any questions or hesitancies or… I don’t know. Anything?" he asked.

"I think I have to generally agree with you there; I’m not a huge fan of floggers myself. Whips and belts are much more satisfying." He tilted his head down and practically nuzzled John’s neck, kissing the skin softly before speaking again.

"I also think it is generally safe to say you have something of a praise kink. You should see the look on your face when I tell you’re a good boy." Sebastian’s grinned against John’s skin before racking his brains, trying to think of anything else majorly important at this very moment.

"I can tell this is obviously something rather serious and there is a chance it would possibly continue for a while, so your safeword needs to be something you will always remember." He moved forward to grab a drink of his coffee again and looked down at John.

"The only other thing I can think to add on at the moment is what you are allowed to call me during. Master is alright, Colonel is better but I much prefer Sir. There is… Well. No, actually never mind." He quickly moved to take another sip of his coffee, taking only a quick drink, speaking again before giving John a chance to respond.

"So, got a safe word?"

John frowned, leaning back and looking hard at Seb, wondering what it was he could have wanted to say there. He shook his head, letting it go for a moment so that he could chew his lip in thought.

"Yellow is used pretty often," he murmured. Colours rarely came up during sex, so that would probably be pretty safe. "I… I like cinnamon better though, I think." He nodded, confident in it. "Cinnamon, definitely. And you have to promise… if I start saying it, you won’t cut me off." He had heard of other Doms doing that, doing something that would keep their subs from actually saying their safeword, which was not only trust-breaking, but also extremely dangerous. It was there for a reason. 

"Now… what were you going to say? There is what?" He reached up, cupping Sebastian’s cheek with his hand and turning his head so that they were looking at each other. "Be honest with me, please," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing him softly.

"Hmm cinnamon sounds good. I would also never cut you off, I would never do that to you, John." He hummed as John kissed him, looking intently at the man when they broke apart. It was obvious anything could be said to John and he wouldn’t judge, but this? It certainly wasn’t often he ever became… embarrassed about anything, really, but he couldn’t know how John would react if he told him.

He took another slow drink of coffee, this time stalling for time, and he tried to figure out how to word it.

"Obviously I would prefer to be called Sir or Colonel, but if you’re okay with it at all then…" He let out a frustrated huff and scrubbed a hand over his face. He should really pull himself together, as long as he told John, even if he refused, then he would at least know.

"Then I would prefer Daddy." He closed his eyes and groaned at the fact he had told John; at least he knew if John didn’t like it then it would never be mentioned again; this was at least the point of this chat.

"But of course, that is entirely up to you. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to."

John chewed on his lip and tilted his head, something he seemed to be doing a lot lately with Sebastian. “I…” He closed his mouth, thought for a while how exactly he wanted to frame the words. 

"Calling you that wouldn’t be a problem," he said slowly, wanting to make sure that he was saying this right. "I don’t have a problem with the words or some of the actions, but… I’m not going to act like I’m a child. So if that’s what you were looking for, then I don’t think I could do it." He sighed, fiddling with his thumbs in his lap. "Maybe we could try it, later, but right now…" He shook his head, unable to see himself doing that.

"Sorry," he murmured, dropping his forehead to Sebastian’s shoulder to hide his face. He just wanted to please, and he felt like he was failing by not being able to do this.

"No, gods no. I don’t ever want you to act like you’re a child I… No, it’s just the name." Instead of forcing John to look at him, Sebastian simply brought a hand up to the back of his head and held him there, playing with the soft hair at the back of his neck. 

"Honestly I’m kind of glad you said that, it saves me having to explain it. You also need to stop worrying so much, I can tell you worry, and you have no need too." He kept his fingers moving across the back of his neck and placed a kiss to the top of his head. 

John smiled, nuzzling against Seb’s shoulder and placing light kisses over his skin. “Alright,” he murmured, leaning back to kiss Seb properly. “I can do that,” he said with a small smile, nibbling on Sebastian’s lip. 

He reached for his coffee and finished it, then slowly dislodged himself from Seb’s lap. “I should get going,” he whispered, not wanting to say it, but knowing that it was true. “If I don’t leave now, then I never will.” And while that wasn’t entirely a bad thing, all of his clothes were at the flat, and he had to at least be fair and tell Sherlock that he was leaving, talk to Mrs Hudson about it.

"I wouldn’t complain if you didn’t." Sebastian moved forward and kissed John again, smiling at the man before standing up. 

"You want me to drive you home?" He picked up their empty mugs, taking them over to the sink before turning back around. "Before you even protest, I don’t mind or I wouldn’t have offered." 

John couldn’t even hide his grin at the thought of Sebastian driving him home, pulling up in front of the flat, irritating the piss out of Sherlock… “I’d bloody love it if you drove me home,” he said, walking over to Seb and wrapping his arms tightly around him, leaning up on his toes to kiss him again, unable to stop. “Thanks for the offer.”

He smiled as he walked away, heading into the bedroom so that he could pull on his clothes. “When is your next free night?” he asked, eager to come over again. “Or is every night free for you?” He didn’t know Seb’s hours, so he had to ask.

Sebastian followed John into the bedroom to get dressed as well; though he had actually considered driving him home in his robe, he thought he should probably put some clothes on. 

"Well, it honestly depends on my boss. I just get jobs given when things need to be done, so I don’t really have set hours. I would just have to text you when I know." He went over to his wardrobe and pulled out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, no point in putting on underwear since he was only taking John home.

He shed his robe and got dressed quickly and stretched before turning back to John. 

"I will of course let you know as soon as I’m free. It’s been a quiet week so far and hopefully it will continue to be, so I should be free pretty soon."

John watched Sebastian stretch, as ever completely captivated by the way his body was built and how it worked. He caught himself licking his lips and he turned away, clearing his throat as he straightened his jumper. 

After finding a pen, he walked up to Sebastian and turned his hand, writing his number down on his skin. “Give me a call or a text there. Any time.” Uncharacteristically, he sealed it with a kiss, and then leant up to plant a chaste peck on Sebastian’s cheek. 

"Come on. I suppose I ought to be getting home, yeah?" he murmured, leaving the room and stepping into his shoes once he reached the door.

Sebastian watched as John wrote his number down on his hand, it was completely cliché, even more so when John covered the ink with a kiss, and Sebastian found himself unable to be bothered about how cliché it actually was. 

He followed John out into the hall, pulling on his own boots before grabbing a jacket and pulling it on. 

"Shit, hang on a second." He went back through to his kitchen and grabbed his car keys off the hook and walked back into the hallway. Without warning he grabbed John by the front of his jumper and pushed him against the door, covering his lips with his own and kissing him deeply, only pulling back when he needed to stop for breath. 

Seb cleared his throat and stepped back, running a hand through his own messy hair.

"Right then, come on. Better get you home, I’m sure you have a bunch of shit to do." He smiled before opening the door and stepping into the hallway waiting for John. 

John could only blink for a long moment, staring at Sebastian and still reeling from that hard kiss. “Fuck. Now I don’t want to leave,” he said, grinning at Seb as he slowly stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind himself. “You have work to do, though,” he murmured, leaning up on his toes to kiss Seb’s cheek. “And some grocery shopping to do. And my arse hurts enough that I should probably not get it pounded again for at least twelve hours,” he teased, taking the lead to the elevator.

"Hmm, over twelve hours, however shall a poor colonel cope? Though unfortunately I do need groceries, and I might have to work tonight." 

John stepped inside and pressed the button for the ground level, holding the door as Sebastian stepped in with him. He was comfortable with the amount of space Seb took up this time, and instead of shrinking away, he stepped closer. “One last good snog?” he asked, pressing the button to stop the elevator’s motion and turning to face the colonel.

Sebastian stepped in the elevator after John and grinned when he stopped it and turned to face him. 

"I was counting on a couple in the car but why the fuck not." Sebastian moved quickly and pinned John against the wall with strong hands clasped around his shoulders. His tongue immediately found it’s way into John’s mouth, savouring the taste of him and the coffee left lingering on his tongue. Sebastian soon moved across John’s jaw, kissing the skin along there before landing a rather rough bite just below John’s ear, sucking at the skin, marking him in a place people were sure to see, claiming him. 

John kissed Sebastian back furiously, desperately wanting more of him. He yearned to be completely consumed by him, to be destroyed in a way that no person should ever really want to be destroying. “Fuck,” he gasped, his head knocking back into the wall of the elevator as Sebastian marked him, gave him a large bruise that would bloom into blue in a matter of hours. 

Sebastian kissed the sore spot on John’s neck and pulled back, setting the elevator to move again, acting as if nothing had happened and almost ignoring John except for the fingers that linked with the captains. 

John clung to Seb’s hand as the elevator started moving again and they separated. “Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, just under his breath as the elevator opened and they stepped out. 

He smirked, feeling the shift in Sebastian’s body at the word, the use of the name on him. God, it was a sight to see, the way his shoulders went back and his eyes fixed on John. 

Sebastian’s eyes practically burned into John as he heard that name tumble from his lips, and he was half ready to push John back into the elevator and have him there, fuck waiting, but he used every inch of self restrain and continued to walk out of the building, heading to his car. 

As they were walking down the street to where he was parked, he leaned over to John and whispered in his ear his voice rough and menacing. 

"You’re gonna pay for that, Captain." He moved away from John as they neared his car, unlocking it and getting in. Smiling, like he always did, at the gorgeous sound it made as he started the engine, revving it ever so slightly. 

"So, 221b Baker Street hmm, I hope I don’t accidentally run over your insufferable flatmate because that would surely be a loss." Sebastian laughed, but he also laughed at the fact he would be in so much fucking trouble if he hurt Sherlock, since Jim was after him. That man was fucking obsessed, and he laughed again. 

John grinned, sliding into the passenger seat and pulling the seatbelt on. “I’m doubting that you would be able to get away with killing him,” John teased, reaching over and setting his hand on Seb’s thigh, squeezing it quickly before letting go, pulling his hand back to his lap. 

"Besides, then I wouldn’t have anything to complain to you about," he joked, leaning back in his seat and tipping his head back, listening to the purr of the engine and the thrum of the tires as Sebastian drove him home.

"Oh you underestimate me, John Watson. I have my resources." Sebastian grinned at the man as he squeezed his thigh and pulled out. He didn’t even need the navigation on since he hand been around that area, conveniently, more than a few times, and he drove in amicable silence.  

They were soon pulling into the top of Baker Street. The drive was over far too quickly for Sebastian’s tastes, and he pulled up outside of Speedy’s before turning to John. 

"Well I suppose this is you. Do try not to miss me too much; I don’t want you pining over me until the next time." He half stuck his tongue out at John, pulling him over from the passenger side before pressing their lips together. This time it was still slightly needy but it was slower, more lingering, neither wanting to pull away, but Sebastian ended up doing so rather reluctantly. 

"I will text you when I at least have a vague idea when my hours are. Try not to let Sherlock irritate you too much. If he does, text me. I will text you as soon as I get in so you have my number." 

John smiled, leaning over and kissing Sebastian again, enjoying the taste of him. “I’ll text you later today. Might text you a lot. Depends,” he murmured, nipping at Sebastian’s lip before he pulled away and got out of the car. “You try not to pine after me as well, alright?” he asked, giving Seb a winning smile before closing the door and walking away. 

He sighed as soon as he was inside, ignoring the look that Sherlock gave him. “Yes, I went out, I had fun. No, I obviously didn’t sleep at Greg’s house. I can see you’ve already come to a conclusion, so can we please skip the insensitive questions?”

John looked down when his phone buzzed, pulling it out and smiling when he saw Seb’s text. 

_He’s already on my nerves. Sure I can’t tag along with you for the day?_

He smirked, tucking his phone away in his pocket.

***

Sebastian texted John as soon as he got back into to the flat, grinning at the mans reply before noticing he had a message from Jim. It was to let him know he had been sent the details of a job, and so he went to get his laptop. He could hardly complain. He hadn’t really been doing too much work recently, so it wasn’t too bad. He sat himself down on he the sofa with his laptop and started to read through mission.

It was an easy enough job; take out the ‘leader’ of a small terrorist group before capturing another high ranking member and roughing him up. Shouldn’t take him more than 12 hours, and that was only because he would have to tail the leader for a small while to learn any information he could before killing the man. 

After reading through the specs, he picked up his phone and sent a text to John.

_Looks like you’re going to have to put up with Sherlock for a while. My boss is making me work, and I won’t be finished until four in the morning at the soonest._

***

John got Seb’s text as he was sitting down to watch the news on the telly. He smiled just because he had received it, and then replied that he understood. 

Sherlock flicked his eyes over to John, narrowing them. “So, are you going to tell me who he is?”

"No," John said a bit hotly. "Why would I do that? You’d just end up stalking him online to learn shit about him, and that’s an invasion of privacy. Not to mention that you’d end up learning things about me that I don’t want you to know. So, no, I will absolutely not tell you."

Sherlock huffed petulantly, rolling his eyes and dropping down on the sofa to think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come and find us on tumblr at startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com and johnsblog.co.vu :)


	6. Chapter 6

The job had been an absolute shit trip. There were two extra men unaccounted for and now one of Sebastian’s favourite t-shirts was ruined; there was no way he could get that much blood out. 

As soon as he got home, after telling Jim where to shove it, the first thing he did was open a well-earned beer, taking it into shower with him.

The water had run red for quite some time and he was unbelievably relieved when he was finally clean. Once he was laying on his bed, he finally text John, telling him about his rather awful job but leaving out most of the details.

***

John jumped when his phone went off, and he quickly answered it, despite it being late at night.

_Everything okay?_

He laid back on his bed, resting the phone on his chest and staring up at the ceiling as he waited for a reply, tapping his index finger on the back case of his phone. God, he hadn’t thought that he would miss Sebastian this much, but he was wrong.

_Do you need me to come over?_

He sent the message before he had even thought about it, wanting to do what he could to make Seb feel better.

***

Sebastian smiled as John asked if he wanted to come over. Some company would more than likely do him the world of good right now, but he certainly didn’t want John to do it because he felt obliged. 

_It would be great if you did come over but don’t feel like you have to._

He let out a rather loud sigh and closed his eyes for a moment. Perhaps another beer was in order. He had told Jim that he may be able to gain him an employee who was skilled and a great asset, but he couldn’t exactly give too many details, so Jim was in a ‘huff’ with him. 

He needed to work fast if he wanted John closer to him, and he really wanted that; he also figured that working for Jim would let John be who Sebastian could see he truly was, instead of being stuck with the idiot Sherlock. 

_Of course, I can understand if you also need to escape Sherlock. Do you want me to pick you up?_

_***_

_Bloody idiot worked himself to sleep. I could always catch a cab, if you didn’t feel like driving._

John sat up, stretched, and then stood, walking over to his wardrobe to pull on some clothes and throw a change in his old army bag. He was going to end up spending the night, and probably a good part of tomorrow, so he figured that it would be best to be prepared. 

_I’m just going to take a cab. Can you put some tea on for when I get there?_

He didn’t know if Seb even had tea, since he was sure he hadn’t had the chance to go shopping today. Regardless, he thought he would ask.

He quickly and quietly left the flat, jogging down a couple streets to get to a busier one, where he was able to catch a cab.

**

_Yeah of course, tea’s on now. I actually have a fully stocked kitchen now; boss sent someone with the stuff while I was working. He has his uses._

Sebastian walked into the kitchen, throwing on a robe as he went. Well he couldn’t exactly prance about naked and make tea. It was practically asking for trouble. 

He put the kettle on and set about making tea for John; he figured he might as well have one while he was there, the promise of a nice beer forgotten. He simply assumed John would take his tea similar to the coffee, and he set the milk on the side but didn’t put any sugar in John’s cup. 

He tapped his fingers on the counter and figured he had a few minutes to kill, so he lit up a cigarette. He knew John thought it was disgusting, but he had really fucking earned more than one after that shit job, and his eyes closed in bliss as he inhaled the smoke before he grabbed his phone again.

_Oh, the code to get in is 568324; can’t exactly have you being stuck outside._

***

John laughed at the texts, paying for the cab ride and getting out. He jogged up to the building, typing in the code and trotting over to the elevator. It was stupid how excited he was to be here, but he really didn’t care.

As soon as the elevator stopped, he knocked on Sebastian’s door, waiting patiently for him to come open it. As soon as he had, John jumped him, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him down for a hard kiss. “Needed that,” he breathed, giving Seb and his robe and appreciative once-over before stepping inside, dropping his bag by the door.

Sebastian couldn’t even pretend to be surprised when he opened the door and was immediately pulled down into a kiss. 

"Lucky thing, I needed that too." He half smirked at John and walked back into the kitchen, picking up a hot mug of tea and handing it to John. 

"Here you are, princess. Want anything else while I’m at it? Perhaps I could rub your feet or stoke the fire." The sarcasm was practically dripping from his voice and it took every ounce of self control not to laugh, but it was impossible to stop the corner of his mouth twitching up and a small laugh escaping him.  "So how was dealing with Sherlock when you got back? Fucking awful I imagine?"

John snorted, leaning against the counter beside Seb and brushing their arms together as he sipped at his tea, humming at how good it was. “He’s an intrusive bastard. Stubborn as hell, and persistent, I’ll give him that,” he muttered, shaking his head. That wasn’t why he was here. 

"You look like you’ve had a day from hell. Wanna talk about it?" he asked, looking up and seeing the hesitancy in Sebastian’s eyes. "Or not. Maybe you’d just like to fuck the stress away." That worked sometimes, he knew. Bad days in the army had let him know that sometimes talking and relaxing wasn’t the answer, and the stress had to be let out in a burst of passion that usually ended up resulting in a fist to the wall or another bloke’s jaw. 

He set his mug down, walking back out to the entryway to toe off his shoes. He’d been too intent on getting inside that he had forgotten them. He lined them up with the row of Seb’s shoes and then grabbed his bag, bringing it back with him to the bedroom to set it on the floor in there.

Sebastian watched in silence for a few moments as John decided to start moving about his apartment, taking of his shoes and moving his bag toward the bedroom before he decided to reply. 

"I suppose I could be persuaded to talk about it later, but a good fuck certainly wouldn’t go amiss." He drank the rest of his tea, placing his mug on the counter before making sure John was dropping his bag in the bedroom and he untied his robe. 

He moved it so the entire front was open and one side was slipping of his large shoulders, and he cleared his throat quietly before speaking loud enough that his voice carried to the bedroom. 

"Come here and make it quick Captain Watson. Don’t make me wait." His voice was level and firm and the promise of John at his disposal for the night already had his cock twitching in interest, blood starting to rush south.

John arched an eyebrow, turning around and swallowing at the lovely sight of Sebastian standing just inside of the doorway. “Yes, Daddy,” he murmured, walking forward and dropping to his knees, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of Sebastian’s cock before he swallowed it down.

He moaned, flattening his tongue to the underside and slurping his way down Seb’s cock, gagging on it as he forced it all the way down. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose.

He could feel the soft pulse of Seb’s cock in his mouth, and he quickly pulled back and went to work, bobbing his head at a good rhythm, his tongue wriggling and his hands held down by his sides as he waited for Sebastian to give another order.

Fuck, hearing John call him that, and then his ears being assaulted by the sounds of John gagging on his length were certainly what Sebastian needed. He soon grasped at John’s hairs, this time having no qualms about forcing himself into John’s mouth, using it for his own pleasure.

"Mmmm straight on your knees for me like a good slut, you might even get a treat later if you keep this up." He pushed his cock fully into John’s mouth, holding his head in place for a few seconds before pulling him off completely. 

They could take their time later, and gods Sebastian _would_ take his time with John, but this was purely about getting rid of the frustration and getting rid of it as quickly as possible.

"Up." Sebastian tugged sharply at John’s hair, pulling him up so he was standing in front of Sebastian, still in his clothes.

"Strip; I want your clothes folded in front of you on the floor, if it isn’t perfect or you take too long there will be consequences."

The order went straight to John’s cock, and he didn’t even have time to nod. He quickly wiped his mouth and started stripping. Socks first, fold, and then jeans, folded beside the socks. Jumper quickly followed and then the vest, both folded on top of the jeans. Pants were last, set on top of the jumper and vest and then the socks were placed on top, everything down to military perfection. 

He could disobey at a later date, when they were testing each other and spending hours upon hours in bed. Right now, though, he knew that Sebastian needed this, and he wasn’t going to make him wait. 

"Anything else, Daddy?" he asked, tilting his head up to look at Sebastian, his hands immediately folding behind his back so that he was standing at attention.

Sebastian hummed in approval at how well John followed his orders, the clothes folded neatly and in a pile next to his feet. He wished he could draw this out, but he was tired and frustrated so it would have to wait.

"I want you on your knees on the bed, chest against the mattress and hands behind your back." He desperately wanted to fuck John into the mattress, taking his stress out on the smaller man and using him for his own needs.

"I also don’t want you to make a sound. I expect silence and do not speak until spoken to. Is that clear?" As he spoke he finally shucked off his robe and let it fall to the floor, pooling around his ankles.

"Yes, sir," John said, nodding briskly as he turned and crawled onto the bed. He spared a glance over his shoulder at Sebastian before he got into the commanded position, spreading his knees and easing himself down on his chest before he folded his hands behind his back. 

He let out a shaky breath as he waited, listening to Seb walking up behind him and then getting onto the bed. Closing his eyes, he bit his lip, wanting to just feel it, not distract himself by seeing, looking at the wall or at the duvet.

He desperately wanted to say something, to goad Sebastian into just fucking him already, but he stayed silent except for his heavy breaths.

As Sebastian moved over he moved off to the side so he could get the lube from the bedside; as much as he just wanted a fuck, he still didn’t want to truly hurt John. He climbed onto the bed, kneeling behind John then moving his cock over the cleft of John’s arse.

"Good boy, being so quiet for me." He stroked a hand down John’s back, fingertips tracing over his spine before reaching the bottom and leaving angry red scratch marks over his lower back.   
He quickly coated three fingers and moved to press two into John. The digits sank into him slowly, the ring of muscle around them restricting and Sebastian groaned. He pushed them in all of the way before starting to move them, occasionally scissoring them. He wanted to prepare John quickly, not draw it out, and he soon added another finger.

"Mmm, John, you’re being so good." Once he had dealt out all of the patience he had at the moment, he withdrew his fingers, slicking up his cock and lining up to John’s entrance and pushing in roughly.

John wanted to cry out, to whimper, to do anything, tears springing to his eyes at how fast and rough Sebastian was being. And it fucking killed him to know how damned hot he thought it was, how every ounce of pain went straight to his cock. 

He pressed his face into the mattress, not trusting himself to stay completely silent with Sebastian inside of him. His skin still stung from the scratches, but he could hardly feel it with the rough force that Seb was already using to pound into him.

A soft whine rose to his throat and pushed past his lips, and his fingers tightened on instinct, knowing that he had broken an order. Fuck fuck fuck. He hadn’t meant to, but god, it felt fucking amazing and painful and Jesus… it was hard to think past the animal instincts.

Sebastian had heard the whine and had continued on for a few moments, fucking into John as if he hadn’t heard it, lulling the man into some false sense of security. After these few moments however the hand that was on a John’s hip tightened painfully and Sebastian brought his other hand down to slap John’s arse as hard as he could. 

Seeing the red mark blossom over John’s skin made Sebastian moan and at this very moment he was too high strung to speak so he slapped the area again.

He gave one last forceful slap to John’s thigh before finally being able to speak, though each word was punctuated with a pant or a gasp, his voice deep and rumbling.

"You have permission to make noise and speak." He continued to fuck John relentlessly, his frustrations leaving him with every brutal pounding.

John finally let out the sharp cry that had been blooming in his chest from the start. He moaned and whimpered, pushing his hips back against Sebastian’s and swearing softly.

"Fuck that feels so good. Holy shit. Harder, Daddy, please," he whispered, knowing that Sebastian wanted to hear it, and it just sounded so fucking filthy. He tightened his fists, keeping them positioned perfectly behind his back.

"Oh, fuck. Yes Daddy," he whispered, panting hard from the brutal fucking that he was going to feel every inch of in the morning, but god, all he could feel now was the slap of Sebastian’s skin on his and the constant brush of Seb’s cock against his prostate.

John’s cry as he was finally allowed to make noise sent a shot of heat right through Sebastian, and he started to snap his hips forward as hard as possible. 

He wanted to finish and make John wait before he got any release but he couldn’t resist the temptation of feeling John clenching around his cock as he came, the way he cried out when he reached his peak. Sebastian moved a hand to wrap around John’s cock and started stroking roughly.

"You have been so good, such a good slut. You want to cum for me, John?" He already felt John twitching around his cock as he stroked him to completion and he felt rather than heard the exactly moment he came. 

Sebastian’s hand becoming warm with the slick coating of cum, a shout escaping his lips as John clenched around him and John’s whimpers beneath him.

He moved his hands and grabbed John’s elbows, pulling him up and using the grip to continue to fuck into him. The position must have been uncomfortable for John but he didn’t care, he was so close and he kept thrusting in John’s over sensitive hole. 

His orgasm hit him suddenly, almost violently, and he gave a near shout as he filled John with his release. He couldn’t even form words for the few moments after he rode out his climax and let go of John’s arms, barely noticing the cum he had smeared over the skin.

Another few long moments and he finally pulled his softening cock out of John carefully and pulled them both down onto the bed so that Sebastian was effectively spooning John. He kissed the back of his neck gently.

"So good John, well done."

John shivered, his thighs still trembling from the hard fuck he had just received. He closed his eyes, completely limp, and felt just a single tear drip down his cheek, and he quickly wiped it away on the duvet. 

He was cold, sticky, and sore, but Sebastian’s praise warmed him, made him feel like it was all worth it, not to mention the high he was still riding from that wonderful orgasm. 

"Thank you, Daddy," he whispered, curling up a bit, pulling his knees closer to his chest, no matter how much it hurt to do that. Fuck, walking in the morning was going to be a struggle, but it just felt good right now, satisfying to know that he had helped, if even a little, to take away the stress from Sebastian’s day. 

"You should sleep," John murmured, well on his own way to doing just that. "Been a long day. That was intense. Need some sleep." He did, at least. He was sure that Seb did as well, but he couldn’t very well make him sleep. He just hoped that Seb didn’t have to work the next day so that they could cuddle. Sebastian was warm, and comfortable, and John loved the way Seb surrounded him completely when he held onto him.

"Shh, I’ve got you." Sebastian pulled the heavy quilt over them before wrapping his arms completely around John. He was relaxed enough that he could sleep now; he could take care of John in the morning when they had both rested, because John would certainly need it after that. 

With his arms wrapped around John, his thumbs stroked over the skin they could reach, lulling him to sleep. He kissed the back of John’s neck before closing his own eyes and letting sleep claim him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment and kudos are the best and come find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com :)


	7. Chapter 7

Sebastian woke up slowly, and with a quick check of the clock he realised it was later than usual for him. Past eight am. He couldn’t remember the last time he had slept so late, and he yawned quietly. 

He somehow managed to detangle himself from John, who was now half on top of him, snoring lightly, and he found a pair of boxers to pull on before walking into the bathroom and starting to run a bath.

He walked back into the bedroom and stopped on the side of the bed closest to John.

Sebastian knelt on the floor and brought a hand up to stroke through John’s hair and over his face to wake him up gently.

"John, come on baby. John, I’ve got a bath running for you."

John made a small sound, nuzzling into the hand, despite wanting nothing more than to pull away and stay asleep. “What time is it?” he whispered, slowly opening his eyes and blinking at Sebastian, who was at eye level with him. 

He slowly yawned and stretched, cringing at the tightness in his muscles, the dried cum still on his arms from where Seb had grabbed him last night. “Oh my god,” he groaned, pushing himself up until he was sitting on his hip, his head ducked down and his eyes closed. “I’m really glad I don’t have to do anything today,” he managed to tease, cracking a smile as he looked up at Seb. “Feel like helping me?” he asked, doubting that he’d be able to hold himself up right now. Maybe after that warm bath Seb had mentioned. And some black tea. Definitely some breakfast.

"It’s just after eight, and don’t worry, I was planning on it." Instead of letting John even try to stand by himself, Sebastian stood up and bent down to pick John up. He hooked one arm under John’s knees and the other under his back and carried him through to the bathroom. 

The bath was just about full enough, and Sebastian lowered John down slowly into the warm, nearly hot water before turning off the tap. 

"That okay?" Sebastian knelt on the floor beside the bath, his hands and forearms resting in the water as John settled in the bath. "How’re you feeling?"

John snuggled against Sebastian while he was in his arms, sighing as he was lowered into the hot water, the heat seeping through him to his bones. It made him shiver, and he just sunk down deeper into the water. 

"Feels great," he whispered, turning his head to smile at Sebastian. He lifted his hand, cupping Seb’s cheek and stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. "It would feel better if you were in here with me, though," he murmured, smiling a little broader. "Come on. There’s room. You don’t have to be anywhere, or you would have been there already."

He slowly sat up, using the sides of the tub as support. With what seemed like too much effort, he scooted forward, making up some room for Seb behind him.

"I figured you might want to relax by yourself for a few moments, but if you insist." Sebastian couldn’t help but smile at John’s need for closeness, and he stood up, taking off his boxers and kicking them across the floor. He slid in the bath behind John, his longer legs parting so John could sit between them. 

He pulled John back so he was lying against his chest, and he brought his head down to kiss along John’s shoulder and neck. 

"Thank you; you were so good John." His hands dipped under the water and his arms wrapped around John’s waist, his hands coming to rest on John’s stomach and his fingertips caressing against the skin lightly. 

John hummed, smiling at the praise as he leant back against Seb’s chest, loving how comforting he was. “Just wanted to make you feel better,” he murmured, resting his head back against Sebastian’s chest, thinking that this was much more comfortable than leaning against the side of the tub.

"What do you want for your breakfast? You can have anything you like."

"Eggs sound really good," he said softly. "Maybe some pancakes, if you don’t mind making them," he added, his stomach rumbling as he thought about food. God, he was hungry.

He appreciated what Seb was doing, making up for his ferocity last night by being gentle and soothing. John was glad that he could see and experience both sides of Seb. “You’re really comfortable. Might fall asleep on you later,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment as the hot water did its job in relaxing his limbs and working out most of the soreness, though he would probably end up taking some painkillers as well.

"Sure, how about pancakes with bacon and syrup, scrambled eggs too. I think you have more than earned a good breakfast." Sebastian laughed quietly and he started to wash John’s hair for him, using the jug that was in the bathroom. 

"And you can do anything you like later; it will be nice just to have a day in with some company." He started to lather the shampoo into John’s hair, massaging his scalp gently. 

"But if you want to do anything you just have to ask. If you get bored we could go somewhere." He rinsed the shampoo from John’s hair and pulled him back against his chest, his hands moving round John’s shoulders so he was holding him there. He kissed the back of John’s neck, pressing his lips on every inch of skin he could reach. 

John hummed and nodded, relaxing against Sebastian for a moment more before he sat up straighter and moved to get out of the tub. He winced; definitely going to need painkillers then. But he forced his way through it, reaching for a towel and drying himself off. 

"Think I’m going to go start on some tea," he said, wrapping the towel around his waist before grabbing the robe he had worn last time and pulling it on. He smiled softly to himself, surrounded by warmth, and started walking - limping - from the room.

Once in the kitchen, he started the kettle, sitting at the table as he waited for it to boil.

Sebastian felt slightly guilty when John went through to the kitchen and was quite visibly limping, but then again there were no complaints, so he let himself put it from his mind. 

He took a few minutes longer to wash his own hair, figuring John could manage a few moments without him, and then he stepped out of the bath. He dried off and hung the towel up before walking to the bedroom and finding a pair of sweat pants to pull on. 

Once he found a clean pair, he pulled them on and padded into the kitchen to find tea and John waiting for him, definitely a good morning combination. He picked up his tea, sipping at it before moving through the cupboards and fridge getting the things he needed for the breakfast. 

"Painkillers are in the cupboard above the microwave if you’re wondering."

"You read my mind," John said, standing up immediately and taking the bottle down, shaking a few pills into his hand and dry swallowing them. He made his way back to the table and sat down again, shifting his weight onto his hip to keep it bearable. 

"That smells really good," he murmured, turning to look at Seb and smile. The scent of bacon was already hanging in the air, and it made his mouth water and his stomach growl. "God, I’m starved," he groaned, sipping on his tea in hopes that it would sate him for the moment.

In the meantime, he had to appreciate how fucking hot Sebastian looked in those sweat pants, the way they hung just off if his hips, showing off his arse and his waist and just… fuck.

”Hmm, well I’m sure you will enjoy it all the more. I have to admit, I’m fucking famished myself.” Sebastian busied himself with getting the breakfast done, getting two rather large plates from the cupboard and filling them with the food. He brought them over to the table where John was sitting, placing them down before fetching cutlery. He took one look at the way John was sitting and with a knowing smile, walked into the living room. 

He came back carrying one of the softest cushions and made John shift up for a moment while he put it on his seat before sitting down himself. 

"Better? And I really hope you enjoy your breakfast, there is certainly enough of it." He laughed quietly before picking up his fork and starting on the food, humming in appreciation at the taste. 

John blushed, ducking his head in thanks at the kind treatment. He didn’t like to be babied, but he didn’t really consider it babying when Sebastian was doing it. Seb didn’t baby anyone, which made John feel a little better. 

He dove into the food, making an appreciative noise at how delicious it was, but otherwise remaining silent. Food was more important than talking right now, and there was so much good food in front of him that he couldn’t even think about talking. Fucking hell, he was hungry.

He managed to slow down once he was about halfway through the plate, and he leaned over against Sebastian, letting out a pleasant sigh as he sipped his tea, every now and then forking another bite into his mouth. 

"You should change professions. Become a chef," he teased, nuzzling against Seb’s shoulder. "This is really, really good," he murmured, sighing happily now that he was pleasantly full.

"Hmm, I don’t think being a chef would compete with my current salary and job benefits." He laughed at the thought quietly before eating the last of his eggs, not even able to finish the entire pancake. 

"Also, I don’t think I could deal with all of the fucking idiots in the kitchen; I would be Gordon Ramsay times ten." He imagined himself shouting at the young apprentices and threatening to skin them, letting out a soft snort of laughter. 

He stretched slightly in his seat before looking over to John, 

"You finished?" Before John could reply, Sebastian stood up to start the coffee machine. "Because I’m thinking a day in bed with crap telly is in order. I think we deserve it." 

John nodded, standing up and grabbing both of their plates, tossing the remainder of their food in the bin and putting their plates in the sink. “I think I can agree with that,” he murmured, nodding again and leaning up to kiss Sebastian’s cheek.

"I’ll meet you there, okay?" he whispered, nudging his nose against Seb’s cheek before leaving the kitchen and heading slowly back to the bedroom. The painkillers were finally kicking in, and that made it easier to move, but it really only turned everything into a dull throb instead of an ache. He sighed heavily, hanging up the towel and the robe in the bathroom, then finished walking into the bedroom.

He had to kneel by his bag, bending over too difficult, to fish out a pair of pants. He glanced at his phone while he was there, sneering at the five texts from Sherlock that harped at him to join him for a case, or he would ‘find out’ where John was. “Bite me,” he muttered, shutting off the device and crawling into bed, snuggling up under the covers.

Sebastian made them both a large mug of coffee as John went ahead into the bedroom. John was certainly something else, and Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder how many people, if any, had seen this many sides to John. If they had, he probably wouldn’t even want to know, and he felt the tiniest stab of jealousy but quickly tampered it down.

He walked into the bedroom to find John already in the bed, making himself comfortable. He smiled at the other man before walking around and placing his mug on the table next to the bed before going to the other side and doing the same with his.

"Feel free to make yourself at home." He half stuck his tongue out at John as he pulled off his sweatpants and instead pulled on a pair of boxers before sliding in the bed next to John. He moved his pillows so he was half sitting up and he turned on the TV, leaving it on some crap reality show.

John chuckled, scooting closer to Sebastian and resting his head on his chest, listening to the sound of him breathing. He could hear laughter on the telly, but he wasn’t concerned about it. 

"You know… I’ve been in a lot of relationships," he started, tracing his fingertips over Seb’s chest, circling them in abstract patterns. "But I’ve never felt like this. Never felt… cared for. Maybe I was just looking in the wrong places, wrong people. I don’t know. I just…" He sighed. "I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Don’t be jealous, maybe. Don’t worry about it. I’m not leaving anytime soon, so long as, well, you stay too."

He pressed a soft kiss to Seb’s chest and settled down. Within just a few minutes, his breathing had evened and he was drifting off to sleep, unable to hear if Sebastian had replied or not.

Sebastian must have not hidden his reaction to his previous thoughts as well as he would have liked, but John’s words gave him some semblance of comfort. He certainly wasn’t going to leave John, if anything he wanted to keep him until time ran out; he was possessive and found himself needing to own John completely. 

He didn’t reply to John, there wasn’t really much to say, so he lay in silence watching the TV, trying not to shift John when he reached for his coffee.

He listened to John’s breath even out as he fell asleep again; Seb must had definitely worn him out, and he stroked a hand through John’s hair while he slept. He made sure the TV was on low volume and found himself drifting back to sleep. It wasn’t often he slept this much, but now that he had the chance and he was highly relaxed he just let it happen, making sure one arm was around John and he rested his other hand on John’s hip.

***

Sebastian could have thrown his phone out the window when it vibrated on the side, rousing him from sleep. He quietly moved from John and picked up his phone. He looked at the caller ID and waited until he was in the living room before answering.

"Yeah boss?" Jim seemed to be in a relatively good mood today, well for him anyway and Sebastian was more than relieved.

"I told you, I’m not saying who it is, just that you would be gaining an amazing asset." His eyes rolled at Jim’s insistence, but he was definitely going to work on it.

***

John woke up hours after he had fallen asleep, and at first he didn’t know why. There was no noise, no light, nothing. That was when he realised that the bed was empty and the telly was off. 

Sighing, John slid out of bed, wrapping the duvet around him as he padded from the room, peeking into the living room and giving Sebastian a small smile when he noticed him by the window, talking on the phone. He admired the view of his lean back for a moment before he went into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water and taking some more painkillers. 

He returned to the bedroom once he had sucked the glass dry twice, crawling onto the mattress and fixing the duvet again, leaning against the headboard as he waited for Seb to come back.

***

"I know you can find out, but boss, just trust me. It will be worth it." This seemed to placate Jim since it was rare he ever asked for anything directly. By doing this he managed to get the rest of the day off, plus tonight too, with the prospect of perhaps getting Jim something good out of it. 

Sebastian said his thanks and hung up the phone, using the bathroom before he slid back into the bed, half grinning at John.

"Good news, I have the rest of the day and night off. Bad news, you’re gonna have to spend it with me." He moved over to John and straddled him as he sat against the headboard, kissing softly down his neck.

John laughed, setting his hands on Seb’s hips, running his thumbs over his bare skin above the waistline of his boxers. “How will I ever survive such torture?” he teased, tipping his head to the side to enjoy Sebastian’s attentions.

"God that feels good," he murmured, his hands slipping around to Seb’s lower back, tracing his fingers over his spine and dipping over his arse. 

"How is it that you can make me feel really, really good while I hurt really, really bad?" he asked, his eyes slipping closed as he continued to enjoy the way Sebastian’s mouth moved over his skin, warming him up and sending a shudder down his spine.

Seb hummed against John’s skin as he continued to kiss him, occasionally nipping softly over his neck before murmuring against his skin. 

"Perhaps you confuse the two. You like it when it hurts so good." He dipped his head back down and bit John’s shoulder gently before returning to his neck and finally reaching John’s mouth.   
He pressed a chaste kiss against his lips at first before moving to deepen the kiss; it was slow, and Sebastian’s tongue invaded John’s mouth, intent on tasting him for as long as possible. 

He finally sat back, still straddling John, and moved his hands over John’s torso, feeling the skin and mapping all the blemishes and scars. He had certainly been doing it for a while but couldn’t bring himself to stop. Occasionally he would brush over a nipple or scratch lightly down his side, but he never went further than that. They did have the rest of the day and night after all. 

"Amazing."

John already felt hot with the slow way that Sebastian was stirring him up, making him feel small and yet so cared for. “You’re amazing,” he countered, looking up from the scars on Sebastian’s chest to meet his gaze. 

"You’re right, though… I do like it when it hurts. Some days I think there’s something wrong with me for that, but… I can’t help it," he said softly, catching Sebastian’s hands and pulling them up to his lips, kissing over his knuckles one at a time. "That’s not to say that I don’t also like it slow and soft and careful as well, but, predominantly I seem to care more about fast and rough than anything," he murmured, meeting Sebastian’s eyes again.

It was a bit ridiculous how much he wanted Sebastian. In every way, all the time. He would never leave the bed if he could get away with having as much sex with Seb as was humanly possible. He hoped, god he hoped, that it wasn’t just lust, and that this wouldn’t fade after a week or a month or a year. 

Sebastian smiled as John kissed his knuckles, and he ran his free hand though John’s hair, tugging lightly at the strands.

"Both is good, slow is especially when you’re hurting already." He winked at John and subconsciously licked his lips at the thought. He didn’t however want to hurt John again, not just yet anyhow. He could save that for later. For now he was just content to feel.

He rolled his hips down slightly and leaned forward to kiss John deeply.

"Oh…" John gasped softly, tipping his head back until it dropped against the headboard. He grabbed Seb’s hips and brought them down again, rolling their hips together slowly. 

He grinned up at Seb, coyly biting his lower lip. “You do things to me,” he murmured, shaking his head. “Very, very good things.” He smirked, leaning up for a kiss. “You should do some more,” he breathed.

"Mmm good, because you make the most delicious noises." Sebastian brought his head back down and nipped at John’s lower lip before moving back to John’s neck, sucking at the skin, marking him again.

He kept rolling his hips against John’s, keeping a slow pace as he nipped and marked the other man’s skin, feeling his cock start to harden at the motion. Without warning he flipped them over, so John was on top of him settled between his legs.

He bucked his hips up rubbing his clothed length against John’s and moaning quietly.

"So good, baby."

John braced himself above Sebastian once he had oriented himself. He leaned down and kissed Sebastian hard as he moved so that he was straddling him, rutting against him and swearing softly as their erections made the most unbelievable friction through their clothes. 

"Daddy," he whispered, splaying his hands over Seb’s chest. "Please. I… I need something," he said softly, closing his eyes, his breaths coming out in small fevered huffs.

He didn’t know what he wanted, whether it was Seb’s mouth around his cock or a quick hand job, or whether it Sebastian inside of him, be didn’t know. He just knew he wanted Seb.

John calling him daddy made Sebastian’s cock twitch again, and he bit his lip as he rutted up against John.

"Of course, baby." He knew John was hurting and he certainly wouldn’t be happy with a hand job or a blowjob; he wanted more. Well, there was a simple solution. He shifted and stretched his arm out to the side, reaching for the bedside cabinet but keeping John on top of him. 

He finally located the lube and pressed into John’s hand, thrusting his hips up rather hard as he did so.

"Go on baby, you have been so good, you can have me."

John stared down at the bottle in his hand, then turned his frown to Sebastian. “But…” he bit his lip, letting out a shaky sigh as Sebastian rutted against him again. 

"I thought you didn’t like bottoming?" he asked, leaning down to kiss Sebastian slowly, suddenly a little unsure. It wasn’t as if he’d never topped a guy before, it was just that he didn’t think Seb would have ever wanted it. He really didn’t seem the type.

"I never said that. Not once, you just assumed. Of course, the mood has to take me." He grinned up at John before having to take matter in his own hands. 

He pushed John off him for a moment before shucking off his boxers and grabbing the lube from John. He didn’t pull John back on top of him but instead opened the bottle of lube himself and slicked up his fingers.

He moved so he was now lying on his side, his legs open, one bent at the knee before reaching behind himself and slipping a slick finger into himself. He moaned at the sensation, twisting his finger slightly and thrusting it in and out slowly before deciding it would be okay to add another finger.

He was purposefully making the most obscene noises he possibly could as he fingered himself in front of John.

"Any time you want to step in, feel free."

John swore softly, biting his lips before he pushed Sebastian onto his back, forcing him to stop, and took the lube, slicking his fingers before pushing two into Seb. “Fuck,” he whispered, pushing them in all the way, hooking them up and brushing them over Seb’s prostate, smiling at the wonderful noise he made. 

He was slow to open him, being careful with him, not because he thought that Seb would be fragile, but because he wanted to be intimate, wanted to take his time and get to know Seb’s body a little better.

He added a third finger, running his free hand over Sebastian’s chest, twisting a nipple between his forefinger and his thumb. “You ready for me?” he asked, still shallowly thrusting his fingers as he leant forward to capture Seb’s lips in a soft kiss.

Sebastian moaned rather loudly as John started to prepare him and eventually hit his prostate, and he found himself bucking up his hips, searching for friction. 

By the time John had added a third finger, he was almost panting beneath him, the way John had prepared him was a slow burn, and it felt as if he was now ready to combust. He kissed John back eagerly before finding the words to reply to his question, 

"Fucking hell John, yes, just… fucking now." He moved his hips so he was pushing down on John’s fingers needing more than he was already getting. He parted his legs more eagerly, silently telling John to essentially hurry the fuck up. 

John had to laugh, kissing Sebastian again as he pulled his fingers away, reaching for the lube again. Just the sight of Sebastian spread out like that beneath him was enough to make him giggle, but the look on his face made it even worst. “Be patient,” he whispered, squirting lube onto his palm and slicking up his cock, keeping his eyes locked with Sebastian’s as he slowly nudged his way forward, pushing the head of his cock against the ring of muscle and slowly slipping in.

He moaned as he sunk in further, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment before he forced them open, wanting to watch Seb. “Fuck that’s good,” he whispered, his voice rough. 

He quickly pulled out and snapped his hips forward again, burying himself balls deep in Sebastian. “God, you’re so fucking tight,” he gasped, bending down to suck on one of Seb’s nipples as he hiked his hips up, aligning them better with his cock as he started an easy rhythm driving into him.

Sebastian groaned, it sounded more like a rumble from his chest, as John pushed in slowly. It had been a long while since he had done this, so the sensation was almost completely new, he was so full but still couldn’t help but want more.

"Y-you’re one to talk about, nghnn, patience." He almost keened as John mouthed at his nipple before thrusting into him. He moved his arms so one hand was resting on the small on John’s back and the other between his shoulder blades, holding him as he started to fuck Sebastian.   
He gasped as John realigned their hips and thrust again, this time hitting his prostate.

"Ah! John, gods." The other man had started a steady but firm pace, each time hitting that bundle of nerves and drawing sounds from Sebastian he couldn’t even bring himself to be embarrassed about. 

Sebastian’s fingers started to flex at the pleasure and he ended up pushing his nails into John’s skin, leaving angry red crescent marks in their wake.

It was slow for them, slow but heated, the lust almost permeating the room. Both men were covered in a thin sheen of sweat; it mingled where their bodies where in contact, and the room was filled with the pants and moans of both men. 

Sebastian pressed his hips upwards and swore loudly as his aching cock found friction on John’s stomach, he pulled him down so they were entirely pressed together so he could rut against John as he continued to move in him.

"Fucking hell John, ah, so good baby."

John couldn’t help the spark of pleasure that came from Sebastian using him, while he was using Sebastian. “Fuck,” he swore, slamming in harder, abusing Seb’s prostate as he started fucking him faster.

He pushed Seb down and straightened himself up, putting Seb’s knees over his shoulders and bending him back, getting a better rhythm going again. He reached down, his hand wrapping around Sebastian’s cock and jerking him off, his thumb sweeping over the head and smearing pre-cum on every other stroke.

"Come on, Daddy," John breathed, bending down to kiss Sebastian again, fucking him hard and stroking him harder. "Cum for me, please," he whispered, closing his eyes and resting their foreheads together, his own stomach rolling with heat, but he wanted to make Sebastian cum first.

"Ah! Fuck, John. So good baby." The hand on his cock was almost too much and he found himself tensing, the heat rolling through his stomach intensified and the next think he knew he almost shouted John’s name as he spilled over his hand. As he came he pulled John back down into a rough kiss, his own moans as he rode through his orgasm being muffled by John’s mouth. He purposefully clenched down on John’s cock as he continued to fuck him. 

"Come on baby, come on." He moved one hand down to squeeze at John’s arse, his nails digging into the flesh. 

That last bit of quick sharp pain did it, and John spilled over, his hips stuttering as he came inside Seb’s tight hole, fucking himself through most of it before nearly collapsing onto Sebastian’s chest, letting Seb’s legs fall back down to the bed.

"Thank you, Daddy," he whispered, resting his head on Seb’s chest and closing his eyes as he regained his breath, nuzzling close to Seb and pressing kisses over his heated, sweaty skin. 

God, they were both going to need a shower again.

"Mmm John, so good for me baby." Sebastian held the other man close, breathing deeply and closing his eyes as John kissed over his chest. He brought a hand up and ran it through John’s slightly damp hair before kissing his forehead, the taste of sweat noticeable on his lips. 

He kept stroking through John’s hair, his other arm holding him close. 

"How you feeling now?" 

"Satiated," John mumbled, his eyelids drooping. "Tired," he added, nuzzling closer to Seb, wanting to roll them onto their sides, but he was too tired, and this was comfortable anyway.

"You’re bloody amazing. So amazing." Sebastian was certainly the best top John had ever had, he was a bloody good man, and John just… felt safe with him around. He let out a sigh, closing his eyes and nuzzling ever closer to Seb. 

"Hmm you need to stop saying that; I might end up with an ego." Sebastian laughed softly and reached for the TV remote, trying to move as little as possible. 

"Is it okay if I nap for a bit? I’m trying to catch up on sleep, and all this sex isn’t really helping," John teased.

"Of course you can sleep, as long as you are the one to order food later, and I get to watch TV as you sleep." Seb smiled down at John and kissed the top of his head again. "Go on, go to sleep. I’m gonna be here when you wake up; I can hardly move in all fairness." He smiled again and settled his hand on John’s shoulder, stroking the skin gently and lulling the other man to sleep. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos is brilliant and comments are even better ^.^ and come and find us on tumblr at startingwiththeridingcrop.tumblr.com and johnsblog.co.vu :)


	8. Chapter 8

John had eventually drifted back to sleep, but not ten minutes later Sebastian heard his phone vibrate on the side again and he quickly answered it, speaking as quietly as he could, barely a whisper.

"For fuck’s sake, Jim, I said I was doing it… Yes, I know… Yes, I sent you the information… Yes… I told you I would ring you when I knew… Fine. Yes." He hung up and put his phone back on the side before returning to the shit TV he had been watching. 

John stirred awake about an hour later, humming because Seb was still there, as he said he would be. “Hey,” he murmured, his voice still heavy with sleep. He rubbed his eyes, pressing a few kisses to Seb’s chest, humming softly. “Wanna take a shower with me?”

He pushed up on his elbow, smiling down at Sebastian, watching the way his eyes turned and captured his own, holding him there, completely still beneath that gaze. 

"I’ll order dinner when we get out. Is Chinese good?" he asked, breaking their locked gaze first as he turned and rolled out of bed, pushing to his feet and stretching.

"Of course, whatever you want." Sebastian stood himself and ran is fingers through John’s hair, messing it up further before stroking down John’s face. "And Chinese is good." He pressed a kiss to John’s forehead and moved himself from John, walking towards the bathroom.

"Come on then baby, suppose we should get cleaned up." He moved further into bathroom and turned on the shower, making sure it was the right temperature before stepping under the spray and waiting for John.

John smiled, watching Sebastian for a short moment before he stepped in after him, humming softly as the spray of the water bouncing off of Sebastian’s body hit him. “You’re really fucking hot. I have no idea why you like me at all,” he said, leaning against the wall of the shower.

It was true, though, sad as he was to admit. He was built short, stocky, hiding the power that he contained in his body. He was still strong, still fit. He knew how to use his body to harm and to help better than most other people, easily combining his skills as a doctor and a soldier.

But… he wasn’t attractive. He was average. He wore tattered jumpers and worn-out jeans. His hair was nothing to talk about, and he was already greying around the temples. He had laugh lines and frown lines on his face. He had an ugly scar on his shoulder, and multiple other scars on his body.

Nothing like Sebastian, who was toned, tall, fit, muscular… dangerous as all hell. His overall “don’t fuck with me” attitude was the only thing that kept women and men alike from fawning over him. John had seen for himself the longing gazes of more than a few people in the pub that they had gone to.

He could do so much better than John.

Sebastian, at first, couldn’t quite believe John’s words. The man didn’t even sound upset as he put himself down like that, if anything he sounded resigned. There was quite possibly nothing worse than a person who couldn’t see what they had, what made them amazing, and it was clear John thought there was nothing remarkable about him at all. 

Seb moved forward and pulled John too him, kissing him softly before holding him against his chest.

"I have to admit, you did pretty much bag yourself a modern day Adonis." He laughed quietly at himself before kissing the top of John’s head. He gently grasped John’s chin and coaxed his head up so he was looking Sebastian in the face. "Come on baby, look at me." He kept his other arm around John’s shoulders and kept the light grip on John’s chin so he wouldn’t be able to look away.

"You obviously don’t see what I see, John, and it kills me that you don’t. I think it is beyond clear how much I do want you, after all the fact we have seen each other more than once is a rather big deal for both of us." He eventually let go of John but practically pinned him with his gaze as he moved to get a hand full of shower gel before moving back to John.

"I do want you, John; I want you so much baby. The gorgeous body, the stunning person inside that body, everything, John. I want everything." As he spoke he lathered the shower gel over John’s body and started to softly but methodically clean every inch of the other man. "I want to have every single inch of you; I want to pull you apart just so I can put you back together. I want to consume you. I want to own you, John." The last part very nearly ended up sounding like a growl as he pushed John back so he was standing under the spray again and Sebastian watched intently as the remaining lather was rinsed off John’s body.

John’s breath hitched, and a shiver ran down his spine as he stood under the hot spray of water, letting the suds from the shower gel wash away down the drain. 

He just stood there for a moment, watching Seb, seeing the possessive light in his eyes, the stance in his body. 

John smiled, tilting his head as he grinned at Sebastian. He knew his eyes were darker, his pupils already widening. “Come get me, then,” he murmured, so, so ready to be Sebastian’s, to belong to no one else. Something slightly wicked in his eyes, John dove forward and pushed Seb back, quickly darting out of the bathroom, not bothering with a robe or a towel as he fled to the bedroom, then turned to wait for Sebastian to follow. 

He’d already given himself to Seb, whether they both fully knew it or not. But if Seb wanted him now, he was going to have to take him. John grinned to himself, bracing his feet apart in a slight fighting stance. Adrenaline was already surging through him, and though he knew this wasn’t going to be a long fight match, it was going to be fun as hell.

Sebastian knew that what he had said immediately got to John as his eyes practically lit up, and Sebastian furrowed his brow as he saw the look on Johns face. 

As John darted out of the bathroom Sebastian grinned; he knew exactly what John was trying to do, and he shut off the shower. He did however wait a few moments before leaving the bathroom, wanting the adrenaline to burn through John a bit longer, get him more worked up. 

When he did, he walked out slowly, seeing John poised just off the centre of the bedroom. He quickly scanned the room; he knew exactly where this was going to go and he needed to know where to manoeuvre John when he got him.  

He started to move slowly toward John, almost prowling.

"Are you sure you want to do this? Are you going to risk it? Or are you dying to find out what the consequences will be?" He moved forward quickly, going for John’s right arm but instead feinting to the left and grabbing his wrist and twisting his arm so it was being held up his back. 

John shouted as pain shot down his shoulder from it being twisted, and he quickly reacted, leaning quickly back against Sebastian and kicking his feet out so that he fell. John was dragged down with him, and he landed hard on Seb’s chest, quickly rolling away and regaining his footing. 

"Are you so sure I’m going to lose?" John teased, his eyes alight. Fuck, he hadn’t felt like this in years, high on the adrenaline from fighting, his shoulder only a dull ache now, though he was sure it would be smarting later.

"You’re getting slow," he said, shaking out his hands as he waited for Sebastian to make the next move.

Sebastian grunted as he hit the floor, the wind being temporarily knocked out of him as John landed on top of him. It only lasted a moment however and he was quickly back on his feet. 

"Slightly unfair if the person you are up against is so terribly fucking distracting." He raked his eyes over John’s still damp body before moving forward and hitting John in the solar plexus to wind him. While he was temporarily winded, Sebastian wrapped a leg around the back of John’s knees and pulled forward so John fell back. As soon as he was down, Sebastian pushed him roughly into the carpet, placing all of his weight on John’s shoulders. 

"So distracting." As he said that he dug his fingernails harshly into the spot under his shoulder blade, very nearly drawing blood. 

"But someone might think that you wanting to go against me was your very own roundabout way of saying you want me to hurt you… properly." 

John struggled to draw breath, the feat not being helped by Sebastian’s heavier weight pressing his chest down into the floor. He snarled, reaching back and scraping his nails painfully down Sebastian’s thigh. He wasn’t going to give up so easily, despite being completely pinned.

Though his heart was rapidly beating at the thought of Sebastian hurting him, he was a fighter, and he wasn’t just going to lie down and take it.

"I can still fight you like this, still cause you pain, too," he growled, throwing his arm back, hitting Seb in the side under his ribcage with his elbow. It was a lucky shot, not at all planned, but it gave him enough give to roll over and throw a good punch at Seb’s jaw and a kick to his chest, sending him sprawling backwards.

Sebastian almost growled, the hits from John finally tipping him over the edge into the mode of a completely focused fighter. He moved up quickly, almost graceful for a man of his bulk and squared his shoulders. 

He couldn’t even reply to John’s comment because now his thoughts were completely taken over by the best way to take John down. He took in every detail of John’s form, cataloguing any weak points. Of course his left should was the major weak spot, followed by his right side, just above the bottom of his ribs.  

"Do you want to cause me pain, John?" He moved forward again, hitting out with the heel of his hand against Johns shoulder before taking the moment to clock him in the jaw with his forearm.   
He spun around, using the momentum to drive his elbow into John’s ribs, getting him back on the floor but this time pinning him down with a knee on the bottom of his back, digging it into his spine. 

He grabbed John’s wrists as he delivered a particularly hard slap to the back of John’s bare thigh, watching the red welt rise on the skin.

John didn’t have the breath to respond, pinned to the ground and winded the way he was. “Fuck,” he growled, trying to squirm free and finding himself unable. 

He panted, pressing his forehead into the carpet and squeezing his eyes shut, trying to think ahead to a way to get Sebastian off of him. He knew he couldn’t do anything until Sebastian moved, which he would have to do eventually. 

As soon as there was a hand on his back instead of a knee, he bucked up, getting a knee underneath himself. He threw his head back, connected with something, and followed the motion back. He was shorter than Seb, but he could use that to his advantage. His elbow jerked behind him, connecting with ribs yet again, and he reached up with his now free hands, grabbing the back of Seb’s neck and rolling forward, throwing the taller man over his back and onto the floor. 

"Not really, but desperate times call for desperate measures," he panted, getting to his feet again and holding himself ready.

As Sebastian was thrown onto the floor he grunted with the force of his back hitting the carpet and he desperately tried to look like he wasn’t enjoying himself. Instead he closed his eyes, trying not to grin and he listened for John. He had obviously got back to his feet.

Sebastian dismissed the pain in his ribs and he determined where John was actually standing and by some crazy amount of luck it was right where he needed him to be. 

If he got him on the bed, pinned down well enough, he could easily get his wrists attached to the headboard. The threat of punishment would have to be enough to keep his legs still. He took a deep breath and moved slowly, giving the illusion that he was, in fact, in more pain than he was letting on. 

He kept his breathing laboured as he stood before seeing his jeans from the corner of the eye with his belt next to them. Sebastian took a slow breath before grabbing the belt quickly and doubling it over in his hands and immediately striking out at John, landing a hit against his thigh. The crack of the leather hitting John’s skin filled the room, and Sebastian took that moment to kick John’s legs from under him and push him face down onto the bed. 

This time he didn’t let John turn his head to the side, and he made sure John would be struggling to breathe as he straddled John’s back and grabbed his arms. The grip he had on John’s wrists would most certainly leave bruises, and he couldn’t resist leaning back and slapping John’s thing with the belt once more before tying his wrists with the leather.   
He flipped John over and yanked him up so he could secure his hands to his headboard. Once he was finally done he moved back to sit on John’s legs, rendering him completely immobile. 

“Oh, well, how about that. I have only went and fucking caught myself a slut.” He gripped Johns jaw harshly, tilting his head back as if he were examining him. “I do hope you’re going to be a good one.”

John was gasping for breath, his eyes boring holes into Sebastian, though he was feeling damn near fucking giddy on the inside. He had known that Sebastian was going to win the fight, and he wouldn’t have initiated if he hadn’t wanted to end up in a position much like this one.

He thrashed under Seb’s weight, bucking up with his hips, trying to use his arms to pull himself out from beneath Sebastian. He could feel the leather of the belt cutting into his wrists, but fuck, he wasn’t going to give up fighting. Every hit, every hard grip from Seb was just going to be a bruise that he could admire tomorrow. 

He managed to pull his face out of Sebastian’s grip, and he turned his head, glaring at him out of the corner of his eye instead of straight on. 

Sebastian grinned as John pulled out of the grip he had on John’s face and he couldn’t help but lick his lips. 

"Oh, so you’re going to be like that are you?" He moved up John’s legs slightly so he was now straddling his upper thighs, his own skin rubbing against the welt from the belt, and he placed his palms flat over John’s chest. 

"Because I can draw this out for as long as it takes." He leaned his head down and placed a surprisingly tender kiss in the centre of John’s chest, following his lips with his tongue.  He kissed him again before biting down as hard as he could; he knew he had broken the skin when the faintest metallic tang touched his tongue. 

Sebastian pulled pack and admired his handiwork before looking back to John. 

"I’m also sure I have another nice belt around here somewhere. So," he slapped John’s face, just hard enough to redden the cheek, before he continued, "how’s this going to go?"

John cried out sharply at the dig of Sebastian’s teeth on his chest and the harsh slap of his hand on his cheek. He spat a spray of saliva in Seb’s general direction, his blood singing at the thrill of this, the fact that they were playing, because they both knew it was consensual, but in every other sense, it was extremely real.

"Bring it on. I can guarantee that I’ve been through worse," he snarled, baring his teeth and jerking his body again, yanking hard on his wrists. He was going to have bruises that would last a week or more if he was lucky.

Sebastian almost snarled as John spat at him and his face twisted into something that could probably be described as sinister. John was going to fucking pay for that, and he would pay dearly. 

"Whatever you say, dear." He wanted to hurt him, hurt him so bad/good but he had something else in mind first. He twisted his face into a sickly sweet smile before moving slowly down John’s body, he noticed John in an already half aroused state and immediately took the length into his mouth. Feeling it harden as he ran his tongue over the head and sucked lightly. 

Sebastian worked at John’s cock with his mouth, lightly stroking John’s thighs until he was drawing those delicious sounds from John. As soon as he felt John’s hips twitch he moved and stood at the side of the bed, he touched John carefully on the spot he had bit on his chest before scratching over John’s chest breaking the skin again. 

Without speaking, he left the room. He didn’t give John any warning, and indication what he would be doing, he just left quietly and shut the door. He moved to his spare room where he kept spare clothes and found another belt, but he didn’t go straight back into his room where John was currently tied to the bed. 

Sebastian waited exactly 15 minute before going back to the bedroom and looking down at John. 

"Are we calmer now? Or are you still looking for punishment? Are you a whore for punishment John?" 

John had stopped pulling at the belt approximately five minutes ago once he realised how stupid it was to be even trying to do that. He glared at Sebastian when he came back in. He still wanted to fight - that desire was still there - but it wasn’t running hot through his veins anymore.

"I’m calmer," he said slowly, levelly, watching Sebastian closely, his eyes twitching down to the belt in his hands, and he squirmed, partly out of excitement, partly apprehension. The two feelings twisted dangerously in his gut, and the small level of fear in his eyes was real.

Adrenaline was being pumped through his system again, throwing him back into the high of the fight, and he wondered if his previous statement was still true. He wondered just how calm he really was.

"Good, that wasn’t so hard; however it does absolutely nothing to make up for what you have done." He moved forward and trailed the belt over John’s chest, following the scratch marks he had left previously.

"Don’t make a sound. If you do, as I’m sure you already know, there will be consequences." He trailed the belt down to John’s thighs, letting it touch over John’s cock as he did so and he looked to John, and the barely noticeable fear in his eyes lit the fire in his belly. 

He moved quickly, bringing his arm down and slapping the belt over the front of John’s thighs with as much force as he could muster. 

He swiftly moved to John’s stomach, this time the hits not hard but still forceful enough to mark the skin over his abdomen. He moved further up until he hit John’s chest right over the bite mark. 

John wanted to scream, cry out, something, but he sealed his mouth shut, clenching his jaw and taking the blows, watching the leather slide away after each hit. His chest was on fire, his thighs stung, and he forced his eyes closed, taking deep, measured breaths.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He could feel himself slipping, his mind replacing the blows of the belt with the sting of a blade or the impact of a fist. He felt the fire on his thigh and thought of the hot iron that had scarred him there. 

He pulled his knees up and kicked, hard, at Sebastian, twisting his body away, stuck in survival instinct, as he tried desperately to undo the belt, his fingers unwilling to work properly. He could nearly taste his panic as he struggled to get away, not even in the fight anymore, his mind stuck somewhere else.

Sebastian managed to move as John kicked out; he also knew it was completely wrong. There was something going on, something he knew all too well and it was exactly why John couldn’t at least blurt out his safe word.

He dropped the belt to the floor, and before moving to actually untie John, he pulled the quilt off the bed so he could pull it over him as soon as he was freed.  

Unfortunately, he had to straddle John and pin him down again, something he sorely regretted doing, but it needed to be done so he could untie the belt around his wrists. As soon as the fastening was undone he grabbed John and held him close, pulling the quilt over them but not trapping him. 

"John? John, come on baby." He brought his hand up to run through John’s hair and cooed softly in his ear, bringing him back to himself since he knew exactly what was happening. 

John struggled right away, trying to pull away, to get out of Sebastian’s grip, but when he found that to be impossible, he was forced to relax, to sag against him. It didn’t take him long to realise that he was shaking, and it took him even less time to break down and sob, burying his face against Sebastian’s neck as he let himself be held.

"I’m sorry," he choked out, feeling more than a little guilty for having been the reason they stopped. "I’m so sorry," he breathed, clinging to Sebastian, trying to bring himself back from the heat and the pain of the desert.

"You don’t have to be sorry, I know what it’s like baby, don’t hold it back." He kept his voice soft and kept the hand moving through John’s hair to relax him. 

He was so glad that he was there for John for one of his episodes, because at least Sebastian knew what it was like, he knew how it felt and he wouldn’t patronize the man. 

He let John cling to him, simply letting him come back from the place his mind had gone.

"I’m here, John, I’m here." He stroked a hand over John’s back, keeping him close and cooing softly in his ear, just reassuring John that he was there. 

Despite everything, John was soothed by Sebastian’s words, glad that he was finally in the presence of someone who understood, who wouldn’t judge him or treat him differently for it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm now at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	9. Chapter 9

Eventually, John became calmer, his breaths evening out and only his core trembling slightly. He nuzzled closer to Sebastian, humming quietly. “Thank you,” he whispered, running his fingers over the back of Sebastian’s neck and shoulders. “Thank you so much.”

He hated flashbacks. Nightmares were bad, too, but at least you woke up from nightmares, and then they were over. Flashbacks took some coaxing, some kindness, and a lot of understanding.

"You don’t have to thank me, John." He now wrapped his arm properly around John, holding him to his chest as he kissed his forehead softly. Sebastian sighed deeply and thought back to his own army days, not unlike now, to be honest, but at least now he was practically living in the lap of luxury. 

But sometimes he ached for the burning sun on his skin and his comrades fucking about around a fire at night. 

"I know what it’s like to get lost like that, but do you ever miss it? Do you ever feel like there’s something missing?" This could be it, this could be the moment he suggested John could perhaps acquire a new job… He waited with bated breath as he continued to hold John to his chest. 

John had to think for a moment before answering. “Yes and no,” he finally said, furrowing his brow as he thought it out. “I miss the adrenaline, the constant fight. I miss being bloody _useful_. But… I don’t miss all the blood on my hands after a surgery, or after a buddy died in my arms. I don’t miss that at all,” he said softly, shaking his head and frowning softly. 

At least in Sebastian’s arms he could think about it and not feel like it was trapping him. At least here he was safe from the lives that he couldn’t save. He didn’t really spare a thought for the people he had killed, but for the people that he had lost… he hated himself every day.

"You must miss it a lot, though, since you went on to do whatever exactly it is that you do. I know you get to handle a gun, because I’ve seen the cleaning supplies. I’m a bit jealous of that," he admitted. "Being able to handle one legally. Mine’s stashed away in my drawer."

This had to be it. Sebastian started to mentally prepare himself for how he was going to build up to this. He certainly would have kept on like this if John had simply said no, but Sebastian knew there was something more to the man and this was proving him right.

“‘A gun’ would imply there is only one that I get to handle.” He made sure that his grip loosened around John since now would be about the time that, if he were so inclined, he would start to at least shift away from Sebastian when he next spoke.

"Legally would also imply that it was legal." Even though he had loosened his grip he still kept his arms around John and stole one more kiss in case he did in fact pull away.

John frowned, leaning back from the kiss to get a good look at Sebastian. He didn’t initially know what to say, too stunned to be hearing it at all. What Seb did for a living wasn’t legal, and it involved the use of multiple, illegal weapons. 

He swallowed, looking down for a moment, and then back up at Sebastian. “What… what do you actually do for a living?” he asked, because obviously Sebastian wasn’t the bodyguard he had claimed to be. 

John wasn’t entirely sure why he wasn’t leaving, why he was still sitting here on Seb’s lap, soaking up his warmth and affections and wanting more of it. Probably because, while he knew Seb was dangerous and deadly, he also knew how gentle he could be, how kind and caring. There was something about Sebastian that kept John firmly rooted where he was.

Sebastian audibly sighed in relief as John stayed put, this could work. This would work, because not having John simply wasn’t an option.

"I didn’t really lie to you; I do occasionally act as a bodyguard. Most of the time though, I’m a, well, an assassin I suppose." He groaned, it sounded awful when he put it like that and he racked his brain for a way to rephrase it.

"Well, mostly a freelance sniper, I just happen to have one boss. Honestly it’s hard to put into words without making it sound like something out of some ridiculous crime novel." He raised his arms so they were now wrapped around John’s neck and he pulled him forward into a deep kiss but there was not a trace of roughness. It was simply deep and exploring before he moved John back again.

"I understand if you would want to go." He sorely hoped John wouldn’t, because the outcomes were nearly painful to think about; he would have to kill John, and he wasn’t sure he could even think about doing that.

He pulled John close as if he were savouring and felt a small amount of nerves thrumming through his body as he waited for John to reply.

John struggled out of Sebastian’s hold, resting his hands on his chest to put some distance between them while he thought. He thought about Sherlock, Harry, Lestrade, all the boys in his team back in the desert. He thought about Sebastian and the life that they had right now, as well as what it could turn into.

He opened his mouth, taking a breath and thinking of something to say. Eventually he closed it out of frustration, frowned. 

Fuck it. He reached up and cupped Seb’s face, pulling him in to a long, hard, deep kiss. He bit at Sebastian’s lips, sucked on his tongue, scraped their teeth together. 

When he finally pulled away, he was panting for breath and looking with wide eyes up at Seb. “Are you offering me a job, or just telling me so that I don’t get in trouble with your boss?” he asked, resting his hands on Sebastian’s shoulders and holding onto him.

Sebastian could feel himself smiling stupidly as John pulled away from the completely thorough kiss, leaving his surprised and more than a little turned on.

"Both? I’m telling you because I quite frankly can’t lie to you, and I find that extremely worrying, but it’s also a job offer." He wrapped his arms around John’s back and moved them slowly so John was now beneath him and Sebastian was settled between his legs.

"I know how shit you find it with Sherlock; I know you can’t stand him most of the time and you are eager to get away. I know that I can offer you so much more." He leaned down to kiss at John’s neck for a few long moments before continuing.

"Thought, if you agree, and you want this, there is no turning back or backing out. Once you’re in, you’re in. The boss will also want to meet you, which is rare but I’m pretty much his favourite and get a lot of… Benefits others don’t." He leaned down so his body was completely covering John’s and his lips were touching the shell of his ear. When he spoke, it was a rough whisper almost erotic in its tone.

"So what will it be, John? Yes or no?”

If Sebastian hadn’t been the careful and precise man that he was, his weight would have been crushing John, who was listening to everything with heightened attention. He wrapped his arms around Seb’s waist, trailing his fingers over his back, up his spine, keeping him close.

"Yes," he breathed, arching his neck, pushing himself closer to Seb, closer to his scarred skin, his body heat, his danger. "Fucking god, yes," he growled, his nails scraping lightly over Sebastian’s skin. 

He didn’t care if it was illegal or whatever. He needed the danger like a drug, and at this point, leaving Sebastian would kill him, probably literally, going by what Seb was telling him.

Sebastian didn’t even wait for John to say anything else; as soon as he heard John say yes, he moved his mouth down from John’s ear and started to suck a mark into John’s neck before moving back enough so he could look down at John.

"Right answer." His voice was dripping with need and possession as he slid an arm under John’s back and pulled him up slightly so he was arching off the bed.   
Sebastian rolled his hips downward and kissed John again, a kiss that left him breathless and wanting more but he didn’t master self-control for nothing.

He moved completely off John and went to find his robe before pulling it on and walking into the kitchen area, grabbing two beers out of the fridge and lighting up a cigarette.

John was left gasping and needy, achingly hard and desperate for what Sebastian hadn’t given him. Fucking hell. 

Slowly, he got to his feet and trudged naked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter beside Sebastian and grabbing one of the beers, cracking it open and taking a lot drink. God, damn, that was good. “You’re an arse, you know?” he teased, bumping his elbow into Seb’s side. “Working me up like that and then leaving. I know you want it too.”

He leaned up after Seb had pulled the cigarette from his lips, locking their mouths together and inhaling the smoke as Sebastian exhaled. He lowered himself to his heels after that, slowly letting the smoke out through his nose. 

Grinning cheekily, he shook his head, reaching for his beer again and taking another drink.

Fuck, that was beyond insanely hot, and Sebastian had to take a moment to remember what he was going to say.

"Yes, but I believe you still need to be taught a lesson." He smirked at John before taking another drink of his beer and placing the bottle on the counter, taking a long drag from his cigarette and letting the smoke furl from his mouth slowly.

"But it is difficult to say no to you, John, and perhaps I will just have to remind you another time." He unfastened his robe so it fell open but remained on his shoulders, exposing his still hard length.

"Come here then."

He stubbed out his cigarette and pulled John to him, holding him flush against his body and kissing him deeply, rocking his own erection against John’s stomach slowly.

John moaned softly, returning the kiss as good as he got, his fingers winding into Seb’s hair and tugging on it. He slowly pulled away, kissing down Seb’s chest and stomach as he sunk to his knees.

"Punish me, then," he murmured, licking a long line up Sebastian’s length before he took the head past his lips, sucking on him gently, his tongue swirling perfectly over the glans, teasing the slit and tasting bitter pre-cum. God, he fucking loved the way Seb tasted.

He looked up through his lashes at Sebastian, humming as he pressed his tongue flat underneath Seb’s beautiful large cock.

"You are insatiable, John Watson, so needy." He simply let John work at his cock for a few moments, relinquishing a tiny amount of control for a short amount of time before his hands found their way to John’s head. 

One of them twisted in his hair and the other rested on the back of his head before pushing forward, forcing John to take him in his mouth agonizingly slowly. Once he felt the tip bump against the back of John’s throat he didn’t stop and instead forced the rest in, knowing full well John couldn’t breathe and he held his cock there until John started to struggle. 

He pulled back, groaning at the feel and only giving John a few moments to take a breath before he did it again and again. Repeating the motion until he knew John would start to become dizzy from the lack of oxygen. 

John pulled off and sucked in deep lungful’s of air once he was allowed to, grinning stupidly and licking his lips. Fuck, he could do this for hours, which was probably good, because Sebastian was in control, and who knew how long he could last. 

"Will you fuck my mouth, Daddy?" he asked, looking up at Seb through his lashes and leaning forward, despite the pull on his hair, to lap greedily at Sebastian’s cock, groaning as a bead of pre-cum bloomed across his tongue. God, he was in too deep. He was far too needy and wanting of Sebastian, but he’d be damned if he said he didn’t love it.

"Please, Daddy," he whispered, his breath hot over the glans. "I want you to teach me a lesson."

"Oh fucking hell, John, you’re such a slut." He tightened the grip in John’s hair and slapped a couple of times at John’s cheek. 

"Come on then, open up and don’t move." Sebastian pushed his cock into John’s mouth as soon as it was open wide enough to accommodate his girth and started to thrust deep and slow, simply using the other man, and the thought alone was enough to make his cock twitch. 

"Oh, John, such a good whore. So good." He stroked over John’s cheek gently, a sharp contrast to the punishing use of his mouth and throat. He wouldn’t be surprised if John could barely talk after the way he was using him, but to be honest, at the moment he didn’t care at all. He was too distracted by the amazing feeling surrounding his length and the moans and pants leaving his own lips. 

He pushed back in one more time, this time cutting off John’s air supply again but holding it for twenty seconds, relishing the feeling of John struggling against him. Sebastian pulled back and used the grip on John’s hair to pull back sharply and watch as the man fell to the floor. 

John gasped and coughed, trying to get his arms under himself and failing the first couple times. He just kept coughing, saliva pooling out of his mouth as he sucked in long, hard breaths, trying desperately to regain the oxygen that he was missing.

When he finally stopped coughing, he rested his forehead on the cool tile, closing his eyes as he got his hands under himself and straightened up a bit, pushing back onto his arse and leaning up to look at Sebastian.

"Was that good, Daddy?" he asked, his voice raw, and the struggle for normal speech made him cough again. "You like watching me struggle, don’t you? Like it when I can’t breathe or move to fight back." He thought about the belt in the bedroom, how it would be so easy to just slip it around his neck, pulled on, and used to control his breathing while Sebastian fucked him from behind. Just the thought made his cock twitch.

Sebastian smiled as John fought for breath for a few moments, practically helpless on the kitchen floor, and he licked his lips slowly. 

"Of course it was baby, and you know I love to see you struggle, yet you remain so desperate." He moved forward and pet through John’s hair. Sebastian knew it was demeaning treating John like this, but he also knew they both loved it and wanted it desperately.

"But I do wonder, John, who likes it more." He gave John a pointed look before flicking his eyes to John’s straining erection, pre-cum by now was practically dribbling from the tip and he could almost see it throbbing. 

He crouched down in front of John and took his neck in one large hand and squeezed hard enough to make John splutter again for a few moments before releasing the grip. 

"What do you want? Tell me what you want and do it quickly. I want you to tell me without coughing or spluttering; I’m sure you can manage one sentence." He really wanted to see how John did; he knew it was nearly impossible with the abuse his throat had been through, but of course the prospect of punishing John for failing was too great to let the opportunity pass. 

John’s nostril’s flared, trying to pull in oxygen that way. He knew, he  _knew_  that he would get punished if he couldn’t say a sentence properly, but he also knew that there was no way he could get a sentence out without coughing. So he didn’t even try.

"Belt in the bedroom… around my neck like a choker leash for dogs." He coughed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. "Want you to pull it while you fuck me."

He opened his eyes again, meeting Sebastian’s dark gaze with his own. He sucked in a slow breath as he waited for an answer, trying to ease into normal breathing again, hoping that that freedom was going to be gone soon. He was angry with himself for not being able to keep up with the punishment last time, and he was going to force himself through this one if it killed him. He needed this, needed Seb to be the one to do it.

Sebastian tutted at John, disappointment washing over his face and he stood again to his full height, imposing over John. He looked at the desperation in John eyes as they watered from the coughing. 

"Oh, John, you were doing so well, but apparently not well enough." He moved around John and kicked at his back until John fell forward onto his hands again so he ended up on all fours. 

"Well, we best get to the bedroom then. I don’t think you have earned the right to walk there, so you can crawl like the desperate mess you are." He kicked John again, this time in the back of the thigh to get him to start moving. 

"Get a fucking move on. If you behave tonight I might even get you a treat." He landed a slap across John’s back as he started to move toward the bedroom, Sebastian walking beside him. 

John covered the soft cry that threatened to escape him at the slap to his back. His chest had stopped bleeding from where Sebastian had bitten him, but he was still achingly sore from everything else if he gave himself enough time to think about it.

With a bright blush on his cheeks, he crawled to the bedroom, shooting daggers sideways at Sebastian as they progressed down the hall. He was too old for this shit, evident by the dull pain in his knees by the time they reached the carpet of the bedroom floor, and he had to stop by the bed to await further instructions.

He kept his head down, though he hadn’t been told to, exposing his entire back in a sign of submission. His front would have been better, but he hadn’t been told that he could shift positions from his hands and knees. And he didn’t dare speak yet, lest he fuck up again and get punished worse.

So he just stayed there, waiting, listening to Sebastian as his muscles tensed and relaxed, his stomach knotting and his hands fisting over the carpet.

"Oh, so good John, you did so well." Sebastian watched as he stopped by the side of the bed and he knelt down and took Johns face in his hands, tilting his head up. He kissed John softly, keeping the interactions between them constantly fluctuating between harsh and almost sweet to keep John from knowing what would happen next. 

"Come on then, up on the bed, all fours." He waited for John to move and stroked over his back as he settled on the edge, his arse exposed fully to Sebastian. 

He moved and grabbed one of the belts off the floor, the one with the most worn leather so it would be easier to tighten around John’s throat and then moved back behind John. For now he looped the belt loosely around John’s neck and kissed the small of his back, rubbing his thigh gently. 

"So beautiful." He kissed John’s back again before moving to get the lube, he wasn’t going to prepare John; he had already taken him recently, and he still needed to be punished. 

He slicked his own cock generously but quietly and moved behind John, not quite touching him but grasping the belt loosely with one hand. 

Without warning he pulled the belt back so it tightened around John’s throat and pushed into him in one, almost fluid motion. The tight heat around him was nearly unbearable as he pulled John back with the belt, cutting off his supply of oxygen until John was kneeling up on the bed and his back was pressed against Sebastian’s chest. 

He pulled the belt down - John could go a while longer with no air - and started with shallow thrusts, not for concern but because he wanted to draw this out for himself. 

John’s back bowed back until he had no more room, until he was trapped against Sebastian, the belt tight, constricting. He reached up on instinct and clawed at the leather, his mouth open in a desperate attempt for air.

Signals in his brain were firing that this was dangerous, that he could die, but holy shit, the mix of adrenaline and oxygen deprivation was astonishing and intoxicating. He could feel every small movement that Sebastian made, every press of his cock against his prostate and his inner walls.

He scratched at his throat, trying to get any air possible, bowing his neck back until his head was on Sebastian’s shoulder and he could go no further. Black fog was just starting to creep into the edges of his vision when Sebastian loosened his grip and John could suddenly breathe.

He turned his head to the side, coughing, closing his eyes and whimpering, his body shaking from the force of holding in his orgasm. Fuck, fuck. He wasn’t going to last if Sebastian kept this up. 

Sebastian’s hips stuttered at John’s whimpers, the sound almost like the best music to his ears, and he kept the grip on the belt loose for the moment. 

He moved one arm to wrap around Johns waist, holding John to him and digging his nails into side, nearly hard enough to break the skin. 

"You’re doing so well, John. Look at what a desperate cock slut you are, aren’t you baby? My cock slut." He tightened the belt again, cutting off John’s air and he started to thrust into John harder. He paid no attention to John’s own straining erection, simply using him since he knew how much John got off on it. He could feel the tremors racking the other man’s body when he struggled to breathe, and he watched John’s cock drip onto the bed. 

One of John’s hands tightened on the leather, the other moving to scratch at Sebastian’s wrist. He wasn’t going to last, he just wasn’t. He was already right there, had already nearly fallen off once. Every stroke of Seb’s cock was too much and not enough, the lack of air intensifying everything.

He needed to breathe, he needed to cum, and one of those things was going to have to come first.

He struggled against Sebastian’s firm hold on him, trying to break out of his banded arm, trying to get away from the constricting belt, but he was only held tighter. 

His body stuttered, and the blackness crept in again. He panicked when Seb didn’t let go, and the blackness started to swallow him. His heart jumped to his throat and he fought in earnest, though the oxygen deprivation made his muscles weak and unresponsive. He was going to pass out. He was already floating, already could barely see. His hands fell away from Seb’s wrist and the belt, just hanging at his sides. 

As soon as John went lax in his arms he let go of the belt, the air would burn his throat as he took a breath in and he moved his arm and slapped John to shock him into breathing. As soon as he heard a stuttering gasp he wrapped his hand around John’s cock and only hand to pump it a few times before John was tensing around him. 

He moved his hips hard this time, fucking into John as hard as he possible could, bringing himself to his own climax, filling John as his hips moving erratically with the intensity of it. 

"FUCK! JOHN!"

John came, hard, as soon as he could breathe. He shouted, cried out at the nearly painful way the air filled his lungs. Tears spilled over and ran down his cheeks as he coughed and choked on his breaths, soaking the duvet with ropes of cum as Sebastian stopped moving inside of him, and he could feel the pulse of his cock as he filled him.

He couldn’t find words. Even if he could, he wouldn’t be able to manage them. So he just held on, shaking and trembling as he came down from the high, the intoxication of being strangled.

He was glad that Sebastian was holding him, because without the support he would have fallen, his muscles refusing to cooperate anymore. He hurt, every breath was a struggle, but his nerves sang from it. He loved it, and he hated that, thought that there had to be something fucked up in his brain for him to love it so much, but he couldn’t change it. Besides, he’d never felt safer than how he felt right now, held close by his colonel.

Sebastian wrapped an arm around John and held the trembling man to his chest; he was still gasping for air as Sebastian removed the belt from his neck completely and let it drop to the floor. 

"Shh baby, I’ve got you, I’ve got you." He, with some difficulty, managed to move John and lay him down on the bed. He climbed over John and laid down on his side so he could hold the still shaking man against his chest. He listened to John’s deep breaths, laced with the occasional gasp, and stroked John’s back. He stroked through John’s hair and over his face, letting him know he was there as John came down. 

"You’re okay darling, you’re alright." He was overly gentle with him now; it was important he let John know he was there and was going to look after him.

John struggled for breath for a long time, his eyes closed as he rested on his side against Sebastian, letting air into his lungs and feeling the oxygen surge through his body, making his fingers and toes tingle. 

He hurt. Jesus Christ, he bloody hurt. Ache swelled through him and crashed down on him, and he buried his face against Sebastian’s chest, hiding from him and the pain as he choked it down. He was too sensitive, overly so. Every breath hurt his throat and his lungs. The welts from the belt on his thighs stung, and the skin on his neck was hot from the tightness of the belt. His knees were sore. “Everything hurts.”

It took him a moment to realise that he had said that last part out loud, and he was ashamed of it when he did. He was supposed to be strong, a soldier. He was supposed to be war-hardened and self-dependent. If he couldn’t even take a light whipping and a bit of suffocation, then what had he come to?

"Shh, of course it does, of course it hurts." He continued to stroke over his skin and he heard the roughness of John’s throat. He held John against his chest, letting him hide his face; Sebastian knew that this was when John would quite possibly be feeling his most vulnerable. 

"Don’t hold back John, let it out." He kissed the top of John’s head and kept his hands moving over John’s skin, soothing him. 

"But you know you deserved it, right baby? It’s your own fault darling."

John sobbed, curling up in a ball, because of course he knew. Of course it was his fault. Wasn’t everything? Every death, every life that he couldn’t save. The life that he had been living with Sherlock. All of the pain, the agony, that was all his fault.

He cried harder until it was hard to breathe, and then he violently shoved away from Sebastian, getting quickly out of bed. He grabbed the robe from the floor and pulled it on as he walked out of the bedroom, fleeing to the balcony off of the sitting room. 

He sat down on the railing, holding his wrists against his chest and shivering in the cold, hardly feeling it as sobs pushed against his chest and threatened to rip him apart. He didn’t feel his fingernails biting into his skin or the blood filling up around his nails. He didn’t feel anything.

Everything was his fault. Even Sebastian knew it.

Sebastian simply observed as John let it out, it was as if this was what everything was building up to and John sorely needed it. He needed to expel it all if he could possibly dream to move on and Sebastian had given him that chance. He watched calmly as John shoved him away and pulled on a robe, hearing the door to the balcony open. 

Sebastian moved off the bed with slow efficiency. Grabbing his own robe and pulling on a pair of boxers, he followed John out and stopped at the large glass door.

"You needed this John. You know you did." He paused and pondered for a moment as to what he would say next. While he thought, he quickly moved to the kitchen to grab his cigarettes before this time stepping out onto the balcony. He lit one and inhaled deeply, watching the smoke as it unfurled from his mouth and dissipated into the sky.

"I know because I have had to do the same, it’s getting there that is the problem. Once you’ve done this you are free to put it all behind you, just like I have. You have the opportunity to move forward and be more than you already are." He dared to move forward slightly, now standing immediately beside John.

"I know what you have locked away in there, Captain Watson; I have seen glimpses of it and I want to show you what it can be like when you finally relent and let it take over. You can stay here, you will meet the boss and it can all be different for you. Making that choice will also be down to you, your fault, but it will be your making. I told you I would pull you apart, now it’s time to put you back together." Sebastian was surprised at himself when all of those words spilled from his lips, but not a single word uttered was a lie, and John would know this.

He turned from John and looked out at the relatively impressive view, every now and then closing his eyes as he smoked.

John felt exposed, abused… he felt cheated of something that he couldn’t even think of. There was no softness nor bitterness to Sebastian’s words. They just… were. 

He wiped at his cheeks, thinking about screaming at Seb, thinking about telling him to fuck off, thinking about leaving. He wanted to leave, wanted to run. He didn’t like the direction that this was turning, having long ago buried the instinct and the desire that Sebastian was addressing. He hated the part of him that enjoyed the chase, the kill, the beating. Hated it with a fiery burn. Probably hated it more than he hated how much he loved pain.

"What do you want from me?" he asked instead, because if he was going to run, then he knew that he may as well just lean back and fall from the balcony, because Sebastian wouldn’t let him get far without either a knife or a bullet in his back.

"I want you to let yourself be who you are. None of this fucking bullshit about tampering down your basic instincts." Apparently blunt was the way to get to John; he didn’t have to sugar coat his words and he certainly wasn’t fucking going to. John needed to hear this; he could make the man be everything he could, and of course he was not going to let that opportunity go.

"I want you to buck up your fucking ideas and just let yourself be. I can see the struggle in your eyes nearly constantly, then there are those fleeting moments where you win, the real you, and it fucking changes you, John. Those moments, you are actually yourself and it’s breath taking, it’s intimidating and unbearably fucking beautiful. Then it’s gone." He took a long draw from his cigarette, steeling himself; this was more draining than he thought it would be. It was on both of them, and he hoped to every higher power that this would work.

"I need it to stop being gone. I have taken down the barrier you put up to trap it and now you’re the one who needs to let it go. I fucking know you can, John, you can be fucking amazing yet you choose not to be because you’re scared. You’re shit scared that you will enjoy it more than you thought possible and you know what you will. I do; it’s terrifying but beyond fucking thrilling." He was slightly worked up and he finished his smoke to calm down a slight bit before flicking it over the balcony and facing John again.

"I know you trust me, you must for this to be happening. I know that you yourself know you’ve got that potential or you would have been gone already. So just please let us do this damned thing together."

"You want me to be a fucking killer and just let it fucking go with a snap of my fingers," John shouted, jumping from the railing and pushing Sebastian hard with everything he had. "It’s not that fucking easy. I’ve been holding this in for years; it’s not just something I can let go."

He pushed Sebastian again and again, pinning him back against the wall and then hitting him, his fist connecting with his jaw and Jesus fucking Christ everything still hurt. He was in agony but fuck it felt good to hit Seb. 

He wanted to hurt Sebastian, brutally. He wanted to hurt himself worse. The desire to punch the brick wall until his hand was broken and his knuckles were bleeding was a sore temptation. Instead he grabbed Seb’s pack of cigarettes and lit one up, dragging hard on it and turning away.

"You’re a fucking arse," he snarled, bitter because Sebastian may have had to let it go, but he had a feeling that Seb got out of the army dishonourably. He had a feeling that Sebastian had worse intentions than he himself did. John was a doctor. His job was to save people, not kill them. 

He dragged hard on the cigarette again, closing his eyes and willing himself to relax, but his tense muscles and his clenched fist wouldn’t listen to him.

Sebastian barely flinched with the blow, coming to expect it, especially with John’s temper and the… delicate nature of this subject.

"You have already started to let it go, that look in your eyes I spoke about. That was there, it was there when you moved toward and it was there when you hit me. You need it John." He moved forward, almost circling around John, no doubt a dark look in his own eyes as he grabbed the front of John’s robe and pushed him back. 

He heard John’s head hit the glass, and luckily nothing shattered, but John’s head would be worse for wear. Not that he gave a toss at the minute, this was the only way to get through to John; he had to break him one last time. Rile him up so he would finally let go.

"By the fucking way, don’t you dare give me any of this high and mighty BULLSHIT because that’s just what it is! You’re no fucking better than me, John, or you wouldn’t fucking be here!" He let go of John and stepped back, his mouth twisted into some sort of snarl,

"Don’t act like you never knew what you were getting into, John, you knew from the fucking beginning and you wanted it. You wanted it desperately." By now his voice was a growl, he wasn’t going to do anything rash, but the threat was there and fuck he needed a drink.

John dropped the cigarette and lunged at Sebastian, grabbing his robe in one hand and hitting him with the other, over and over as he pushed Seb back toward the balcony, driving his lower back against it, pushing his upper body back, over the ledge, hitting him one last time.

He broke. Something snapped inside of him as he looked down at Sebastian, whose nose was bleeding but not broken, whose eye was swelling, whose lip with split and bleeding. And he didn’t care. He  _did_ , because it was Seb and because he was a doctor and because he was holding him over the ledge, but he  _didn’t_  because he had done it and it had felt invigorating.

He pulled Sebastian back and turned away, walking inside and to the kitchen where he rinsed the blood from his knuckles, letting his anger go with it down the drain. He just felt tired now. Weary. 

When Sebastian came in, John left again, finding the medical kit in the bathroom before returning. “Sit,” he ordered, but there was no inflection. He didn’t care if Sebastian listened. He would just throw the kit at him and walk away if he refused.

It took every ounce of strength Sebastian had not to smile as John ordered him to sit when he took out the first aid kit. That was it, that was the snap he was waiting for, and now the exhaustion was washing over both of them. Before he sat down, he poured himself a whiskey and downed it in one, humming at the burn. He left it out should John choose to indulge and sat in one if the kitchen chairs.

He sat in silence as John patched him up, not exactly a stranger to taking a beating, but this was different. He hadn’t even tried to stop John, and he knew he was in far too deep for any of this to get fucked up. Well, it was already fucked up, but he meant properly fucked up.

As soon as John was finished with him, Seb walked to the bedroom and stripped off, sliding under the covers and stretching out. The altercation was catching up to him, and he was sure it would be worse for John.

"Come on, you need to rest. We both need to." The air somewhat seemed calmer between them now, now that everything was out there, and he practically cooed John’s name, coaxing him into bed.

The last thing John wanted was to sleep, but it was the first thing he needed. He went back to the kitchen without a word, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and drinking straight from it, putting it away once he was done. The walk back to the bedroom felt like a marathon, and he still managed to take off the robe before he crawled carefully into bed beside Sebastian.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t think he could say anything without screaming or crying or both. So he kept his mouth shut and rolled over, weary to his bones and sore as all hell. He felt like he could sleep for a week. Hell, he  _wanted_  to sleep for a week. 

He was still mad at Sebastian, no matter how sweet and soft his voice had been a few moments ago. If Seb expected him to get over it that fast, then he was dense, because he needed to think, needed some space first. Then he could decide, even if there wasn’t really a choice.

Setting his jaw and trying not to think about how much he hurt, inside and out, he fell into a rough but heavy sleep, his back turned to the man that had broken him.

Sebastian was actually surprised when John climbed into the bed beside him, granted not touching him, but it was more than he thought would happen. He turned so he was facing John’s back, he was within touching distance but he refrained. It wasn’t what John needed right now. 

Instead, before he heard John’s breathing even out into that of sleep he spoke, his voice was just audible in the room.

"I know." It was laced with so many meanings, but the important one was letting John know he had been through this except, John had Sebastian there. Sebastian had had no one there when he was torn apart, literally and figuratively, so there was no one to pull him back together. He had to do it himself, and since then he had always felt there was a piece that just didn’t fit. 

Jim had tried to rearrange the pieces, but he still hadn’t quite managed to put Sebastian back together, he conceded to the fact he would never be whole and he had very nearly ruined the person that might have a chance of fixing him.

John sounded like he was asleep, and Sebastian finally let it out, one small sob. It had been clawing at him but he couldn’t possibly let John hear or see it. One small sob and the tears started to leak quietly from his eyes as he lay there, stopping himself from closing the space between him and John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	10. Chapter 10

John woke up in the morning and rolled over, looking at Sebastian in the soft morning light, watching his face as he slept, seeing tear stains and feeling his heart break for him. Fuck.

He scooted closer, lifting Sebastian’s arm and then settling it over himself as he leaned into him, pressing himself against Seb’s chest. He knew that the motion would wake Seb, but that was okay. They were okay. John still hurt. He thought that maybe he always would, now, but it could be okay. Sebastian could make him okay, and he could make Sebastian okay. It could work, maybe.

"I’m sorry," he whispered, nuzzling against his chest when he felt Sebastian stir into waking. "I’m sorry I yelled at you and hit you and turned away from you. I’m sorry." It was stupid to apologise for things that Seb had made him do, but he did it anyway. He just wanted to be held and comforted. Maybe take a hot bath with candles and bath salts and soft music. He wanted to be promised that he wasn’t alone, though he already knew that he wasn’t.

Sebastian felt something in his chest clench as he was roused from sleep by John moving over and pressing into him, working his way under Sebastian’s arm. As soon as he heard John apologize, he felt the tears threatening his eyes again, and he pulled John to him, tightening the arm around his shoulders.

"No." He heard his voice crack as he spoke and he kicked himself internally; he couldn’t let John see him like this because John had his own shit to deal with. Sebastian took a deep stuttering breath and at least managed to hold it together long enough that he could string a sentence together.

"You’re not allowed to be sorry, John. Not now, not ever. This is on me." He knew it was, most of it being intentional, but it still felt like a kick in the ribs when he thought about it all going wrong and John taking it out on him completely. He kissed the top of John’s head before resting his chin there, not allowing John to see the fresh tear tracks on his face as he held him in silence.

John clung to Sebastian, holding him tightly and running a hand along his spine. “It’s okay,” he whispered, pressing soft kisses to Sebastian’s chest before he nuzzled against him. “I won’t let you take all the blame for this.”

He just held Sebastian closer, wanting him to be okay. “I love you, Seb, and it’s all okay,” he breathed, a weight leaving his chest as he whispered those words, not really that surprised to find how true they were.

He leaned back, cupping Seb’s cheeks and kissing him softly. “Thank you for being here,” he murmured, because it was a huge deal to not have to go through this alone, to be able to have someone to lean against and to rely on. He needed it, desperately.

Sebastian’s breath stopped and his eyes watered once more. He had never expected that, not now, and he was shocked to find how much John had meant it, how much truth he heard in his voice, and Sebastian so desperately wanted to say it back but it was as if it were stuck in his throat. He had never said it, no once to anyone. Not even family. And it struck him how much he wanted, needed to say it to John but still couldn’t. 

“I’m always going to be here, you’re going to have everything I never had and more. Anything I can give to you it’s yours.” But no matter how hard he tried he still couldn’t force out those three words, he was fighting himself and perhaps he would be able to say them but it wasn’t right now. He pulled John toward him and kissed him deeply and moved a hand over his back and started to tap in Morse code.  _I love you to, I’m sorry._

John managed a small smile against Sebastian’s lips, tapping out his own message onto Seb’s thigh.  _You’re an idiot. They’re just words_ _._ He knew Sebastian felt that way. There was no reason for him to not say it, but John certainly wasn’t going to push.

Instead he just kissed Seb back, giving as good as he got, groaning into his mouth so that the sound was swallowed up by the kiss. He bit and licked and sucked his tongue, pressing himself ever closer because love was an expression and not a collection of words.

Sebastian kissed back, trying to tell John what he couldn’t say. He managed to tap out a _thank you_ on John’s back before pulling John on top of him. He made sure the kiss was deep, exploring John’s mouth and giving as good as he got, trying to explain everything. 

He moved back slightly, keeping John on top of him, and kissed his cheek. "I’m so sorry, I’m trying, I just…" His breath caught and he buried his face in John’s neck. "I’ve never said it before. To anyone." He wrapped his arms around John’s waist, he felt drained and he was sure John was feeling it even more.

"How about a bath?"

John hummed, resting his head on Sebastian’s chest for a moment, breathing him in, feeling him there. What had become of his life that he could go through something like he had yesterday, and be completely okay today? 

Then again, he had been to war on multiple tours.

"I think a bath is the best idea right about now," he murmured, letting out a small breath and slowly getting off of Seb, sliding out of bed and waiting for him. "And Seb… I’m sorry. That you’ve never said it before. Everyone deserves someone to love." He smiled softly and then turned from the room, padding quietly into the bathroom to start the water.

How could John be like that, still caring like that after what had happened? Sebastian at least still expected some amount of hostility, and it astounded him to no end as he watched John walk to the bathroom. 

Sebastian heard the water start running and waited at least another couple of minutes before persuading himself to get out of the bed. He stood and stretched, feeling the slight ache in his body, and winced at the though of how John must be feeling.  

He walked into the bathroom and grabbed a couple of towels, putting them next to the bath for when they got out, and he smiled at John. 

"Thank you, for at least understanding why it’s hard for me." He kissed John quickly before turning off the tap and getting into the bath, groaning as he sunk into the hot water. 

He moved back and parted his legs so John would fit between them before letting his head loll back and rest on the back of the tub, closing his eyes. 

John smiled softly, his first instinct to care for Sebastian, no matter how sore he was, no matter how upside-down he felt. He was a doctor. Caring was easy for him, second nature.

He slid into the tub in front of Sebastian, leaning back against him and closing his eyes. The hot water felt good, relaxing, and Sebastian’s presence behind him went a long way to helping him as well.

"It’ll come with time," he whispered, reaching for the shower gel and turning around to rub it over Seb’s chest and torso, kneading lightly with his fingers to ease away some of the ache. The bite on his chest stung in the hot water, but it was okay. Pain was grounding. 

He leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to Seb’s jaw before he used his hands to scoop up water and rinse Seb off, and then he turned and settled down once more. He rested his head back against Sebastian’s chest, humming softly as he relaxed.

Sebastian barely moved as John turned and started to clean him, the motion was beyond relaxing and he hummed in appreciation, missing the sensation when John turned back to rest against him. He brought his arms up and wrapped them around John before tilting his head down and kissing across his shoulder and up his neck. 

"It’s been intense, huh?" He continued to pepper John’s neck and shoulder with soft kisses, his hands dipping beneath the water and stroking over the skin of John’s stomach. 

"I think that might be an understatement," John murmured, a soft purr escaping him at the light touches, the hesitant feel of Sebastian against him. "A bit overwhelming, definitely," he said.

He wondered if that even summed it up properly. He felt like he was drowning, but he was breathing easily enough. He hoped that it might be better when he knew what he was doing, when he stopped hurting and could start thinking. 

"I’m going to be selfish and ask for some aftercare when we get out of here," he murmured, closing his eyes. "There’s still an open wound on my chest and welts that need to be taken care of. Not to mention the sore spot on the back of my head and the tense muscles. Might be good for both of us."

"I’m offended that you didn’t think you would be getting that regardless. I have everything to do that, and you, whether you like it or not, are going to be spoiled." Sebastian had already planned on all of that, of course it more than likely would have happened last night if it wasn’t for them reaching that pinnacle so soon, but he could look after John now. 

He brought one of his hands up from the water and used a light touch to tilt John’s head back so he could kiss him gently on the lips. 

"Stand up." He waited for John to comply so he was now standing in the tub in front of Sebastian. He moved to his knees so he was kneeling in front of John before grabbing the body wash and lathering up a soft flannel. Without speaking, he knelt and meticulously cleaned every inch of John’s skin, all the while taking in all of the details he could, particularly the scars. 

John had to close his eyes, shivering at the careful attention, the way that Sebastian seemed to take him in, all of him at once and yet piece by piece. There was no scorn in his expression, only the want of knowledge, to get to know John intimately.

He realised, quite suddenly, that he had been here for nearly three days.

Somehow, he didn’t really care.

Smiling, John rested a steadying hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, sitting back down when he was told and letting the water wash away the suds. “You could be a doctor with how bloody careful you are,” he teased, looking up at Seb and kissing him softly. He knew, though, that that care was only for him, and the thought of that made warmth bloom in his stomach.

Sebastian kissed John back, being nothing other than soft, then smiled at his comment. 

"Yeah, a doctor. Now that would be the day." He pulled John back so he was resting against Sebastian’s chest again, letting his hands wander back down over John’s torso. He loved just to touch; it wasn’t often he was ever this close with anyone, and he wanted to savour every moment, including that of the feel of John’s skin beneath his fingertips. 

"I’m only careful with things that are important to me. People that are important to me. The one person that is important to me." His voice trailed off as he considered again how deep he was in with this man. His lips found John’s skin once more and he smiled against him. Well, it wasn’t all bad. 

John’s heart leapt, and he turned in Sebastian’s arms and kissed him properly, his tongue trailing over Sebastian’s, exploring his mouth and humming softly, the sound swallowed up by Sebastian’s lips. He knew that that was as close to an ‘I love you’ as he might ever get, and he didn’t care. That was close enough for him. 

"Let’s go back to bed, yeah? Or maybe to the sofa," he murmured, pulling back and trailing his lips over Seb’s jaw and down his neck. "The water’s cooling off, and I don’t want to turn into a prune, anyway," he teased, slowly sliding away and then getting to his feet, holding back a small groan as he got out of the tub.

Sebastian was momentarily stunned by John’s eager kiss but soon relaxed into it, missing the contact as soon as John moved away. 

"Sofa is good, I could honestly do with a change of scenery." He laughed quietly and got out of the tub as well, picking up both of the towels before John could and wrapping one around John before himself. 

"Actually, wait in the bedroom until I call you? Please, trust me." He smiled softly at John and kissed his cheek before quickly leaving the en-suite and closing the bedroom door behind him before shouting through to John. 

"Don’t come out."

 

John frowned when he was told to go into the bedroom and stay there. He didn’t want to be away from Sebastian right then. He wanted to be held and kissed and whatever else Seb had in mind, not left alone in the bedroom. He listened, however, because of the lovely glint in Seb’s eyes, and used the time alone to dry off and wrap himself in a robe.

Sebastian immediately started moving around the apartment, grabbing a bunch of pillows and blankets from the spare room and chucking them on the sofa. He went into the kitchen and grabbing the first aid stuff, placing it on the coffee table before going back into the kitchen. 

Sebastian put on a pot of coffee and dug out every pastry and cake he could find, pleasantly surprised when he found a box of Jam doughnuts and put them on the table too. 

Once the coffee was done, he made two overly large mugs and they joined everything else in the living room. He smiled at his handiwork and quickly grabbed his cigarettes and an ashtray so he didn’t have to move for them either. 

He got rid of his towel and wrapped himself in one of the blankets as finally shouted for John. 

"Right, come on!" 

John rubbed the back of his head as he walked out into the living room after finally being called. He immediately broke out in a grin, shaking his head and laughing. “You weren’t kidding when you said you were going to spoil me today, were you?” he asked, walking up to Sebastian. He leaned up on his toes and kissed him gently. “Careful, though. I need to start gaining back some muscle, not losing it to jam doughnuts,” he teased, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s waist and nuzzling against him. “Thank you,” he whispered, intent on focusing just on the moment, on today, knowing that tomorrow he was more than likely going to be introduced to Seb’s boss, and he could only guess how that was going to go.

Sebastian couldn’t help but grin as soon as John’s face lit up, definitely worth it, not like it was too much bother any how. When John stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his waist, he brought up the blanket he had around himself and wrapped it around John as well. 

"I’m sure we can find a way to burn off the doughnuts." He smiled and kissed the top of John’s head before holding him close. 

"You’re welcome John." With no warning he pulled John down with him so they fell onto the sofa, he shifted them until they were sitting next to each other but could still reach everything on the table.   
He leaned forward and took a sip of his, at the moment too hot, coffee and picked up an apple turnover before leaning back and starting to eat. While he held the pastry with one hand he turned the TV on with the other for some background noise. 

"Mmm, I think this is just what we needed."

John was still laughing lightly, rolling his body into Sebastian’s and burying his face against his neck, warming up now that they weren’t fighting for control over the other. This seemed natural and easy, for Sebastian to be the caretaker spoiling John. 

John certainly wanted it. He reached over after a moment and picked up a doughnut, leaving his coffee for the moment so that he could savour the flavour of the jam without having a burnt tongue. 

He hummed, smiling, and turned Sebastian’s chin so that he could lean up and kiss him, tasting the apple flavour on Sebastian’s tongue mix with the vaguely strawberry taste on his own. 

When he pulled away, he finished his doughnut and took a sip of his coffee, curling up into Sebastian’s side and smiling to himself. “So… is your boss coming over tomorrow? Or are we meeting him somewhere? Or… what’s the plan? Do I have to do anything?”

The kiss was literally delicious and he was more than a little dejected when John pulled away, stealing one last kiss before John asked him about his new ‘boss’. Honestly, at that moment, he had completely forgotten about it. He had been fixating on John, making sure it was, well, it was something.

"Hmm, well usually you would be taken to meet him, but for something a bit more special he would be inclined to make a personal visit. I think it’s best we find out now." He stretched his arm out for the phone, barely able to reach it, but he managed and pressed the speed dial and he was soon answered with a rather over eager Jim.

"Yes yes yes, hang on. Yeah, so, boss I think I may in fact have you a new employee. Of course I will be bloody training him, yes. I have mentioned everything… What? Fuck off, really?" Sebastian groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face,

"Fine, at least it’s in the evening. See you then." He hung up the phone and turned to John,

"Well good news, he’s rather eager. Bad news he may be coming over this evening."

John sighed, shaking his head and scrubbing his face. “He sounds like an overeager puppy,” he muttered, holding his mug of coffee in both hands, blowing on it idly before sipping it. 

"I’m never going to be able to look at him again and not hear you saying over eager puppy," Sebastian laughed lightly.

"I’m not going to embarrass myself, am I?" he asked, turning his face into Sebastian’s neck, wishing that he could smell more of  _him_  and less of the shower gel. “I mean, I know you’re both criminals and whatever, but… I’m not going to look like a total fucking idiot, right?” 

He pulled back, looking up at Sebastian, who had already filled up a great part of his life, consumed his thoughts and actions and made a home in his chest. He didn’t really give a fuck about his new boss. He just didn’t want to disappoint Sebastian in front of him.

Sebastian considered John’s question; he could tell him who his boss would be now or he could wait. Jim’s flair for dramatics was starting to rub off on him, and he chose to withhold the information.

"Honestly, it all depends on how you react to him. He finds people that toady to him are pathetic but he also looks for discipline so honestly I think you will manage." Sebastian sipped at his own coffee and gave John a reassuring smile.

"If I could deal with it and end up in such a high position, I’m sure you can. Oh and, uhm, have you let Sherlock know you’re still alive?"

John hummed softly, thinking over Sebastian’s first words, hoping that he would do well, and he was honestly surprised by that thought. He was going to be killing people, most likely. It sounded to him like torture wasn’t out of the question, either.

He let out a laugh at Sebastian’s last question, though, and he shook his head. “No, I haven’t. I’m sure he either doesn’t care or is completely freaking out. He’s usually on one extreme or the other.” He snorted, reaching for another doughnut and taking a bite, periodically taking sips of his coffee. 

"You do know that we will have to go over sometime to pick up your stuff? ‘Cause you can’t exactly stay there now. I mean you can have your own place but I was hoping, well this is a rather big apartment for one person."

John hummed, thinking about it, but choosing not to say anything yet. "Do you think you could take care of my chest and the welts on my thighs and stomach?" he asked, lifting his chin and giving Seb a small smile. "It would be nice to have them not hurting anymore."

Sebastian leaned over to John and took the mug of coffee from him and stood up from the sofa. 

"Of course, needed you fed first, though." He smiled down at John and moved to push him back. He was careful with his movements until John was lying on his back across the sofa. 

He unfastened John’s robe slowly, letting it fall open so it was now only covering John’s arms. He couldn’t help but run his hands down John’s sides softly; admiring the body and unashamedly admiring the marks he had left. 

Sebastian didn’t speak again as he reached for the first aid bag he had brought over with him and dug out antiseptic wipes, gauze, tape, and salve. He nodded to John before taking an antiseptic wipe; he knew it was going to sting so he was quick and efficient when he cleaned the bite on John’s chest before covering it with a thin square of gauze and taping it down. 

As soon as that was done, he went back to moving slowly. He uncapped the salve and started to coat each of Johns welts carefully. He made sure it was fully rubbed in and he moved over John’s stomach and thighs. 

While he was doing this the tension seemed to thicken in the room and it was as if he was moving even slower. John’s skin was hot under his fingertips and he had to take a deep breath when he finished and moved away. Something had definitely shifted since they both had realised what they meant to each other and it hung between them, and it was very nearly suffocating. 

He knelt on the floor beside John and bowed his head so his forehead was carefully resting on John’s chest, his hands clutching the side of John’s robe and he breathed deeply. 

John hummed, reaching his hand up and pushing it slowly through Seb’s hair, feeling him at what seemed like an increasingly vulnerable state. “Okay?” he asked softly, petting Sebastian’s hair, moving his hand down his neck to his thighs.

He didn’t want to talk about going back to the flat at Baker Street. He wasn’t going to stay there anymore, just go back for his clothes and his gun, but he still didn’t want to talk about it. When he did go, he wanted Sebastian there. “You know I’m going to stay here, right? I’m not going to leave you, not unless you want me too.”

He continued softly petting Seb’s hair and smooth skin, tracing a scar on his shoulder that was just a white line and would fade over time. 

He rolled over onto his side, cupping Sebastian’s face in his hands and forcing their eyes to meet. “I love you,” he whispered, because he could, because Sebastian looked lost, because he felt like he needed to. He sealed the words with a kiss, moving his lips softly against Seb’s, tilting his head to get a better angle, to deepen the kiss. 

Sebastian nodded as John spoke; it was barely noticeable but John would be able to feel it. He wanted him here, there was no question about it, and he almost sagged in relief when John declared he wanted to be there too. He lifted his head slightly as John turned on his side to face him, meeting John’s gaze as he cupped his face, a barely perceptible smile crossing over it. 

"You’re too good for me." He kissed John back, moving forward so he could be as close as possible, sliding his tongue into John’s mouth and placing his hand on John’s waist. 

He pulled back reluctantly and pushed John back so he was lying back again and started to kiss over John’s chest. He kissed everywhere he could reach before moving up to John’s neck and kissed and licked his way up to John’s jaw before settling back on his knees again. 

"You’re amazing, John." 

John’s eyes had closed at some point, but he opened them now, smiling over at Sebastian. He reached out, gently brushing his fingers across his jaw, admiring the way he moved, the way his stubble felt against him. He furrowed his brow, concentrating as he traced the scars on Sebastian’s face, traced his frown lines, which were more prominent than his laugh lines. 

He finally brushed his thumb over Seb’s lips, pulling down his bottom one into a pout and laughing at how cute it made him. “You’re adorable,” he whispered, leaning up on his elbow because damn the welts and how much his chest stung, he was going to kiss Seb.

"Come here," he breathed between kisses, closing his eyes and groaning softly. He cupped Seb’s cheek, pulling him closer, nipping at his bottom lip. He just wanted a good snog, because after this they should eat something decent and then get dressed. But not right now.

"I’m not adorable, and I’m offended you said that." Sebastian laughed softly but soon melted into the kisses he was getting from John. He was careful with John, not waiting to hurt him any further… at the moment at least, but he still leant in, eager to deepen the kiss. 

His hands stroked softly over John’s skin as he pushed himself up so he was slightly leaning over John. He stroked the skin of his face, chest and waist, probably the most tender he had ever been with the man. 

He could stay here forever, he knew they had to get sorted and he needed to have some form of plan for when Jim arrived, but right know all he knew was  _John._  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm now at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	11. Chapter 11

John moaned softly, closing his eyes and sinking down into the sofa cushions, every so often letting out a small gasp because it was so nice to go slowly for the moment. 

"Please," he whispered, pulling Sebastian’s hand up to kiss and nip at his palm, sucking his thumb into his mouth, rolling his thumb around the digit. "Slow and soft. Make love to me, Sebastian," he purred, nipping the pad of Seb’s thumb as he pulled it away

"Anything, anything for you John." Sebastian moved his hand from John’s mouth and placed a soft chaste kiss on his lips before moving down his neck. He licked and kissed, only nipping gently at the junction of his neck and shoulder. As he kissed his way down, his fingertips traced small patterns over John’s stomach and hips. 

Sebastian remained on his knees next to the sofa as he started to move slowly down, taking each nipple into his mouth and running his tongue over the pink flesh and sucking lightly. He took his time with each one before moving further down John’s torso, relishing in the way his muscles quivered under his soft touches. 

He moved further down until his lips were resting on John’s hip and he brought a hand up to John’s thigh. He slipped his hand under John’s thigh, pulling his leg up as he gently nibbled at the skin of his hip. Sebastian then pulled away and took his own fingers in his mouth, liberally coating them with saliva before moving his hand under John’s thigh again and tracing John’s hole carefully but not yet pushing in. 

"So beautiful baby, stunning." He moved his head forward and licked up John’s length before taking the head in his mouth and pressing a finger into John at the same time, crooking it so the tip would rub against John’s prostate. 

John whimpered and moaned, closing his eyes and swearing softly as Seb pushed his finger inside and rubbing his prostate. “Oh fuck,” he swore, his hands finding their way into Sebastian’s hair just for something to hold on to. “Oh my god, Seb,” he keened, bowing his head back as another finger was slowly added.

Shit, and that tongue was fucking amazing, so slow as it lapped at his glans, mixed with just the right amount of suction. He bowed his neck back, trying not to move too much, trying to just enjoy what was happening. “You’re amazing. You’re so amazing - Jesus.”

Sebastian hummed quietly, as if he was affirming John’s statement. As Seb added a third finger, he took the entirety of John’s length into his mouth, the head hitting the back of his throat, and he still kept the pace slow and almost torturous. He hummed around John’s cock as he heard the stuttered praise falling from his lips, but he forced himself not to rush even though he was achingly hard himself.

After what was nearly a couple of minutes he finally relented, and with one last graze over John’s prostate he removed his fingers. He swirled his tongue around the tip of John’s leaking cock one last time as he withdrew his mouth, and he finally let the blanket that was wrapped around him fall to the floor. He stood up before positioning himself over John and settling between his parted legs. 

He, rather vulgarly since he didn’t want to pause to go and get anything from the bedroom, spit in his own hand and slicked his own length liberally before lining up to John’s entrance. Before he pushed in, however, he leaned down to kiss John deeply until he was almost panting.

John kept kissing Sebastian, putting his heart and soul into it as he wrapped his arms around Seb’s shoulders and tangled his fingers in his hair. He only broke the kiss with a soft cry as Seb pushed into him. Saliva wasn’t really proper lubrication, but he didn’t mind the ache or the roughness. He actually liked it, liked the way it balanced this out, letting them have slow, sweet sex, but also letting them be rough about it. 

"Oh, god," he panted, arching his back and clenching his muscles, trying to bear down on Sebastian’s cock, trying not to focus on how bloody big it felt as it slowly sank inside of him. "Jesus… I can’t…" he squirmed, convinced that he wasn’t going to be able to take it, even though he knew that he could.

All of his breath and tension left him as Seb bottomed out, and he just laid there on the cushions, his inner muscles quivering and flexing around Sebastian.

"Oh fucking hell John, still so tight." He bit his own lip harshly as he sank into John, a deep groan rumbling from his chest and he completely buried his cock inside him. 

He paused when he was fully seated and he pressed down, carefully letting John take some of his weight so they were completely pressed together. He brought one arm up to stroke through John’s hair and over his face, which was now glistening with a thin sheen of sweat.

"You’re doing so well baby, so good. Gods John." He kissed John again, and it was significantly more passionate but it was still slow and heated. A slow burn that was gradually building in the two of them that would soon combust. 

Sebastian finally started to move. He thrust with slow deep strokes, angling to hit John’s prostate every time, and he held John close and this time made love to him.

"Amazing, my amazing John. Wonderful, perfect." He pressed his forehead to John’s as his body moved achingly slow, eyes threatening to water at the sheer intensity of the moment.

John was at a loss for words. All he could do was hang on, breathing in Sebastian’s air, whining and moaning and making soft mewling sounds as they pressed together, over and over. He didn’t know where his body ended and Sebastian’s began, and that’s how he thought it should be. 

Perfect, perfect. Sebastian was so fucking perfect, and he wanted to say it but he couldn’t. He held Seb against him, the pads of his fingers digging into his shoulders and his lower back, his breath falling out of him with every thrust that Sebastian made. He hooked a leg over Seb’s hip, pulling him closer with that, too, opening himself up more because he wanted more of Sebastian inside of him. He wanted everything.

"Oh," he breathed, his voice leaving him in a hushed, stuttering way. His eyes blew wide and he stared up into Seb’s, watching them reflect everything he was feeling, and he leaned up for another kiss, throwing as much love as he could into it, his fingers winding into Sebastian’s hair to hold him steady.

At the beyond fucking gorgeous sounds John started to make, Sebastian thrust into him that tiny bit faster, it was still slow paced but now he could really start to feel the build. He groaned into John’s kiss and moved to hook his elbow under John’s knee so he was practically holding him open.   
He managed to squeeze his other arm into the gap between John and the sofa and slide it under John so he was cradling John’s lower back.

It caused John to arch into him and, if it were even possible, they felt even closer. The air was practically crackling around them with unspoken words, things that wanted to be said and things that had already been said, and Sebastian couldn’t help but let out a guttural moan.

"Oh John, fucking gods!" It was very nearly too intense as Sebastian was overwhelmed with sensory input, the feel of John around him and under him, consuming him. The sheer tension in the air and John’s words repeating in his head as he made love to the man beneath him was too much.

"Sebastian," John gasped, rolling his name over his tongue, tasting it, loving it. "God, Seb, I’m so fucking close." It was almost shameful that he was, because he had amazing stamina and he knew it, but this was far more intimate than anything he had ever done, ever. 

He rocked his hips into Sebastian’s, letting out small gasps every so often, his hand tightening in Seb’s hair. He groaned, arching back and biting his lip. 

"Roll us over," he panted, squeezing his hand on Seb’s shoulder. "Please, please I want to ride you." And the moment of stillness would let him compose himself a bit more.

Fuck, hearing John say that made he cock twitch and he was pretty sure John noticed it as well. He let go of John’s leg and carefully manoeuvred them until it was Sebastian who was on his back with John straddling him. 

Sebastian’s breath caught at the sight, John’s back was arched back slightly, the robe still on him but now hanging off his shoulders revealing a completely flushed neck and chest. His lips were reddened from the kisses and his cock was jutting out over Sebastian’s stomach, a drip of pre-cum landing on his skin.

"There are not enough words to describe you, John." He raised his hands and place one on John’s chest and the other on his waist, this time his voice barely a whisper.

"Beautiful." His hands slid down to John’s hips and his thumbs moved over the skin, stroking it softly as he gently pushed at John, telling him to move. His head fell back onto the cushion as John’s hips moved up slowly and he gasped as John sank back down.

John steadied himself with a hand on Seb’s chest as he started moving, at first keeping up their previous rhythm, but then moving into a slow rocking one, his hips moving in circles to draw Sebastian’s cock in and out of him minutely. 

He threw his head back, scraping his nails down Seb’s chest and moaning, because Jesus fuck, Seb was so bloody deep and so fucking perfect, the way his cock was moving kept up a constant motion on his prostate. “Oh Jesus, oh my god,” he swore, biting his lip and whining.

He was so close, so fucking close. He cock was leaking pre-cum and it was achingly hard. He was so tempted to take it in hand but he knew that he could get off just like this. 

"Fuck, fuck, Seb oh Jesus fuck." He couldn’t seem to manage anything else as his body tensed and contracted, his muscles working around Seb’s cock as he brought himself closer and closer.

He came without warning, and without waiting for permission, ropes and ropes of his come covering Sebastian’s chest. He whimpered, keeping his hips moving, forcing himself to keep going through his orgasm, needing to be filled.

Sebastian could barely make a noise as John came across his chest, his muscles clenching around him and squeezing his cock. Guttural gasps and barely there moans filled the room as the sensation pushed him over the edge and he filled John with his own release. 

He quickly pulled John down and captured him in a hard kiss as he thrust up and rode out the last of his climax, using John to milk himself dry. He practically sobbed at the heady combination of it all, he had just made love to John, something that was so intense and laced with so much feeling it was very nearly difficult to cope. 

He pulled back slightly but held John close, the mess between them ignored for the moment, 

"John, you’re… wow. I can’t… amazing. Perfect." He could barely form words, never mind a sentence, and he kissed John again, so desperate to tell him how much he needed him, how much he had quickly come to love him but unable to say the actual words. 

John kissed Seb back, petting through his hair, down his face, telling him without words that it was okay, he understood. He giggled when they broke apart, and he pressed gentle kissed to every inch of Sebastian that he could reach. 

"You’re pretty amazing yourself," he whispered, finally settling down, his head resting on Seb’s shoulder, feeling the both of them pressed together. "God, you’re wonderful," he breathed, letting out a happy sigh and closing his eyes.

He wanted to gush over Sebastian, but he was too tired and sated to put much effort into it. “We shouldn’t lay here long. I don’t want your boss to walk in on us,” he whispered, whining a little as Seb slipped out of him.

"He won’t, it’s too early." Sebastian reached and arm out and grabbed a blanket that had fell to the floor and pulled it over them. 

"Even if he did, he could go fuck himself." Sebastian kissed John’s neck softly and held him close, ignoring the mess between them, more content to just feel John at the moment. He ran his hands over John’s waist delicately, just letting himself feel and remember every detail. It was still the closest he had been to anyone and it was still overwhelming, but it was most definitely worth it. 

"You’re so important to me, John." As he spoke, he again tapped out _I love you_ on John’s side along with another apology. It killed him that he couldn’t say it, but each time it stuck in his throat and refused to leave. 

"Only you."

John’s heart swelled, and he closed his eyes, holding onto Sebastian tightly. “I’ll try to be deserving, then,” he whispered, letting out a shaking breath as he lay on top of Sebastian, enjoying how intimate they were continuing to be.

"You’re already deserving John, you deserve everything." He kissed John’s temple softly and stroked his hand through the sandy hair.

It hurt to think that they had been screaming at each other not so long ago. “Do you remember about the fifth time we met? I was sitting in the mess hall with some of the greenies, and all of a sudden the doors slammed open and it was you, angry as piss and demanding to know who fucked up your scope.

"I remember every voice just died, and then from the back someone yelled out something, god I don’t even remember what they said, but you beat the living shit out of them." He laughed. "I had to patch your hands and send the other guy to the med centre at another base."

John didn’t know what had reminded him of that, but the memory made him smile. “You’re just as ridiculous now as you were then.”

Sebastian laughed softly. 

"I remember that, someone said it was obviously my imagination when it was obviously them; they did have it coming, though." He kissed John again, never imagining they would be here like this when he patched up his hands so long ago. 

"And I don’t know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult." He let out a breathy laugh again before kissing John’s cheek. He paused for a moment and tilted John’s head up so their gazes locked. 

"I… listen, you know I’m not the best with this. But, it means a lot that you’re still here. After all that, that you’re still here with me, that you didn’t leave… That you didn’t give up… on me." 

John frowned, leaning up a bit on his elbows to look at Sebastian properly. “Seb… You’re an arsehole sometimes, honestly. And… I was thinking about leaving, I’m not going to lie.” He sighed, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on Seb’s chest. “But you’re so… kind. And you have so much to give. I couldn’t leave you. I knew what that would do to you. To both of us,” he whispered, raising his head again to look at Sebastian.

"I love you, you great arse. I don’t know why or how the bloody hell it happened, but god, do I love you. You’re stuck with me now," he teased, pressing their lips together in a soft kiss.

Sebastian closed his eyes at the kiss and kept his eyes closed for a few moments after John pulled away. Once he opened them slowly he took a breath, a deep one that betrayed the current state of his emotions more than he would have preferred. 

"John, I am not a good man and I don’t know why you decided to stay, or even how you could possibly love me but please, don’t ever stop." He closed his eyes again, squeezing them shut as if it would make himself stop feeling so strongly, or make him feel strongly enough he could finally express it. 

"You don’t know how sorry I am that I can’t tell you. I want to, I just can’t." He raised a hand and scrubbed it over his own face before tugging at his hair in frustration, 

"Fuck! Why can’t I do it! Why can’t I tell you John? It’s fucking ridiculous." He turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to face John and used his forearm to cover the rest of his face. 

John sat up, straddling Seb’s waist and setting his hands on his hips. “Sebastian Moran, you stop this self-pity right now,” he said, giving a stern look that was only about twenty percent real. “You are amazing and gorgeous and one hell of a lover, and if you can’t say three little words, I’m not going to hold it against you.”

He pulled at Seb’s hand, uncovering his face. “Honestly, love, I don’t care if you ever say it. You’ve told me, through morse code, but mostly through your actions, through your kisses and your body posture and the way you just made love to me.”

He kissed Sebastian’s knuckles, keeping eye contact with him. “I know you’re not usually a man of many words, and I understand. Please don’t beat yourself up over this.”

Sebastian looked up at John intently. He would never cease to be amazed at how considerate John was despite what he was doing.

"It’s not self pity John. It’s anger; I want so bad to be able to tell you and I can’t. I’m angry at myself that I can’t just fucking say it." He took a deep breath to calm himself, closing his eyes for a few moments before looking back at John.

"I’m sorry, it’s just hard. I know you understand, one of the things that makes you so perfect, but it still doesn’t make it any easier." He pulled John down so his weight was resting completely on top of Sebastian’s and he practically buried his face in John’s neck.

"You mean so much to me."

"That’s enough," John whispered, holding Sebastian close. "That’s plenty enough for me." He wanted to shout to the world that he had finally found someone, finally found a person good enough to love, who fit against him like a missing piece that he had been absent of for years. 

But instead he just whispered it to Sebastian, told him over and over again how special he was, how perfect and kind and amazing. So, so amazing. He whispered how much he loved him, how he was going to show it, how he already did. He said that everything was going to be okay, even though nothing was wrong.

"You’re my love," he breathed, kissing Sebastian softly as he slowly sat up and slid off the couch. "And we need to shower because we’re gross."

Sebastian laughed as John called them gross, and he had to nod in agreement, standing up himself before moving over to John and finally pulling his robe off, letting it fall to the floor.   
Before John could even think about protesting he picked him up and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift, ignoring the way he struggled slightly and laughing as he carried John into the bathroom and only put him down when they were in the shower cubicle. 

He was happy, he was more than happy. The words John had whispered to him still echoed in his head, and he pulled the shorter man to him before reaching behind him and turning on the spray. He kept John held to him and tilted his head down so he could rest his chin on John’s shoulder, a small smile playing across his face. 

John happily snuggled against Sebastian where they were standing, resting his head against his shoulder and humming softly. He pulled away after a moment, though, reaching for the shower gel and a flannel. “We do need to get clean, Seb. Even if we just took a bath this morning.”

"Hmm I suppose we do."

John smiled softly, taking the flannel and scrubbing it over Seb’s body, being just as meticulous with this as he would have been with treating a wound. He cleaned him perfectly, and then pulled him under the water with him, smiling as the water swept away the suds.

Sebastian hummed in contentment as John washed away the mess, and once he was clean, he re-paid John in kind, cleaning him thoroughly. 

"Do you think we would be able to control ourselves until the boss gets here? I mean I know I’m irresistible but there’s a limit." He stuck his tongue out at John before shutting off the water. It may also help if he put clothes on this time around, so when he stepped out of the shower with John he actually dried himself off properly and walked into his bedroom. 

He decided to pull on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, looking at least half presentable for when the boss came since Jim apparently had a burning hatred for lounge pants even though he owned several pairs himself. 

"I think some fresh coffee and a cigarette is in order too."

John dressed as well, a pair of dark jeans and a light grey jumper, the last clean pair of clothes that he had brought with him. “Need to go to Baker Street tonight. I’m out of clothes,” he said, walking after Sebastian into the kitchen.

"Of course, we will go later on. Get everything you need." He busied himself in the kitchen making fresh coffee and sparking up a cigarette as he did so. 

John hopped up on the counter, watching Seb move around, the jeans looking just as nice on him as any of his lounge pants. He reckoned that Seb could wear short shorts and still look damn fine.

He laughed to himself at that image, tipping his head up as the laughter was pulled from him, and he had to wrap his arms around himself in an effort to hold together. “Oh my god,” he giggled, taking one look at Sebastian and bursting into a fit once more.

Sebastian was waiting on the coffee when he heard laughter starting to bubble from John until the man was nearly falling off the counter in a fit of laughter. He had no idea what John had found so amusing but he couldn’t help but smile; John’s face practically lit up when he laughed and it was fucking perfect. 

He huffed a small laugh out himself before speaking over John’s laughter. 

"Really John, what the fuck is so funny?" 

John broke into another fit of giggles, gesturing to Sebastian helplessly as he broke down again. He couldn’t help it; the image of Sebastian in short shorts was too easy to pull up, and it was way too funny to stop laughing about. 

He covered his mouth, smothering the giggles until they finally died in his throat. “I was just imagining you wearing booty shorts,” he said, and admitting it only made him laugh again, harder than before, his body wriggling as he fought to control the bubbling laughter.

Sebastian immediately found himself laughing along with John, picturing himself in the frankly awful attire and he found himself almost doubled over with tears in his eyes. He was hit again with another bout of laughter as he imagined John in the shorts, and he had to hold the counter for support. 

His brain then started supplying him with images of John in the tightest shorts possible, which soon morphed into obscenely tight pants, which soon turned into see through lace. The material then soon started to turn into sheer lace, and Sebastian shook his head and straightened up. Gods, he could barely control himself around John, all of that had just come from the idea of shorts! 

Sebastian turned so he was facing away from John so hopefully he wouldn’t see the flush on his neck and busied himself making the coffee that was now ready. 

John finally got himself under control, and he hopped off the counter, walking over to Seb and wrapping his arm around his waist.

“You’re blushing,” he whispered, leaning up to kiss his neck, nuzzling against the short hair at the nape of his neck. “What are you thinking about?” he murmured, purring softly as he nipped at Sebastian’s skin. 

"I do not blush." He finished making the coffee and after handing John his he sipped at his own. 

John had a pretty good idea, but he let it go for the moment. When his coffee was done, John thanked Seb and took it, taking a sip and humming. “I’m still bloody sore. God, we’re like rabbits, I swear,” he teased, nudging Seb in the side with his elbow.

"Yeah, we might want to calm down a bit huh? It’s not like you make it easy for me, I mean just fucking look at you." Sebastian raked his eyes over John’s body and his brain supplied the image of the underwear again, fucking hell this time it was black lace and he hoped to god his skin wasn’t flushing red again. 

Sebastian shook his head again and walked through the kitchen, back to the sofa and picking up another pastry, eating it quietly. 

John had to laugh, following Sebastian and sitting down beside him. “You’re ridiculous if you think I’m going to judge you for whatever you’re thinking about,” he said, leaning against him. “Especially if it has to do with something I can wear to make you crazy,” he purred, leaning up to nip at Seb’s jaw. 

He leaned away, though, when there was one brief knock on the door followed by it opening. John whipped around, his eyes widening and then narrowing as fucking Jim Moriarty walked through the door.

He stood quickly, his hands in fists at his sides. This fucking nutter had kidnapped him, drugged him, and strapped a bomb vest onto him. 

"What the fuck?" he demanded, turning to glare at Sebastian, demanding an explanation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	12. Chapter 12

_Oh shit, here we go._ Sebastian stood next to John, slightly in front of him ready to stop any altercations; though he wouldn’t mind letting John get his comeuppance, this needed to go smoothly. 

"John, this is my boss. Which is exactly why I had to know that you were sure about this." He looked at Jim and raised an eyebrow, a silent warning telling him to behave because this could be the making of… everything. 

"Oh, I believe we have already met." Sebastian glared at Jim again, telling him to behave as Jim strode further into the room. "Tut tut Sebby, look at the mess." He moved forward until he was standing a few paces away from Sebastian and John. 

"Now, Johnny, I am under the impression that you are looking to work for me? Of course, Sebastian will be overseeing your training, and I doubt you would be seeing much of me, but this had to be done in person. I do of course offer a handsome pay as long as you do your job well, hopefully as well as Sebby here."   
He stood totally at ease before the two men, almost looking bored, but Sebastian knew how excited he was at this opportunity. 

Sebastian sighed at how overly dramatic Jim was being, nothing unusual there, and he gave a nod towards John.

"Jim, perhaps an explanation?" 

"Oh right, of course. Well John, believe me I have nothing against you, it just seemed like you were the best way to get to your pet detective, but now we know that’s not quite true. It appears I underestimated you, John Watson, and now I want to see you at your full potential."

Sebastian was now tightly wound, ready to intervene in case John decided not to listen and attack Jim regardless. 

John took a deep, deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly through his mouth. He forced himself to relax, and though he was still ready to kill Moriarty at any given opportunity, he squared his shoulders and closed his eyes, giving a small nod.

"My full potential?" he asked, tilting his head to study the well-dressed man in front of him. "I hope that you’re ready to understand that my full potential will always be when I have access to an operating table, but I can make a few exceptions with a gun in my hand," he said, his right trigger finger flexing. God, how he missed using his gun. 

"What exactly am I supposed to be doing? I still don’t really understand how any of this works," he admitted, looking between Jim and Sebastian, hoping for a proper explanation from one of them.

Sebastian turned to face John before Moriarty could explain, as smart as Jim was he could probably explain this to John that slight bit better, plus John was more amiable toward him.

"You will still be an acting doctor, except it will be for Jim’s employees, though you won’t be in one set place, it will be ‘in the field’. Nearly all of the time I’m assuming you will be with me and you will most definitely be needing to use a gun more often than not but you will be acting as a doctor as well." Sebastian placed a hand on John’s arm reassuring him; if he trusted and loved Sebastian so much he would surely trust him on this. 

"It will of course be nowhere near easy, but it wouldn’t be fun if it was. Would it?" He moved forward and pressed a kiss to John’s lips, ignoring Jim, he obviously already knew about them and he needed to reassure John and let him know it was alright. 

John kissed Sebastian back without even thinking about it, setting his hand on his waist to steady himself. After a moment, he pulled away, looking past Sebastian to Jim, eyeing him thoughtfully before he spoke. 

"I’m going to need a proper med kit. In a rucksack like we’d have in the army, preferably. What I have right now isn’t going to cut it. I need sterile needles and thread and wraps and braces and everything that could ever be wanted. If I’m going to be treating someone, I’m going to do it properly and efficiently. I’m not using whiskey or some shit for sterilising; I’m going to use proper medical tools and equipment. If this can be done, then I have no other arguments."

He stepped a little closer to Sebastian, letting their arms touch as he waited for the boss to speak.

Jim was completely nonplussed by their affection; it was obvious they were stuck together and he certainly liked how immovable John was on certain things. It would most definitely be an asset.

"Of course, you will have the best equipment money can buy. I trust you will be a great asset, John Watson, do not let me down. Seb, training starts tomorrow, the usual. Keep me updated." With that Jim left as soon as he had appeared, and Sebastian turned back to John. 

He was actually nervous, he was nervous as to how John was going to react so he stepped carefully. "So, he seemed rather sweet on you. I might get jealous if you become his favourite and not me." 

John laughed, letting all of his tension and nerves fall away with the simple motion.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” he teased, wrapping his arms around Seb’s neck and pulling him down for a heated kiss, pressing their bodies together.

He didn’t let them stay like that for long, though, before he pulled back. “What does ‘the usual’ training include?” he asked, arching an eyebrow, wondering how quickly he was going to be diving into this mess.

"Hmm, fitness training obviously. Bit of time on a gun range, not that you need it, and of course informing you on what to expect." He placed his hands on John’s waist and smiled down at him, almost letting out a sigh of relief at how pleasantly things had gone. 

"I know you opinions on the boss would already be biased, but once you know everything you will see things a bit more clearly." He kissed John again and sighed as he let himself relax. 

"It will all be good, John. It will be great, you can stay here, you can reach your full potential, and you will never be under appreciated again. Trust me." He laughed softly and ran his hands over John’s shoulders. 

"Though, it’s not quite done yet; we still need to go to Baker Street." 

John sighed against Sebastian’s lips, pulling away after a short moment. “Let’s just go get that done,” he suggested, leaning up for one more quick kiss. “Then I can get settled in and we can have the night to ourselves before the busy day tomorrow,” he said, walking over to the door to slip into his shoes.

He could feel Seb’s presence behind him like a constant, steady heat, always threatening to combust. It was like living with a bomb, but one that would explode in a fury and most likely end in rough sex as opposed to death. 

John grinned, shaking his head at himself as he pulled the door open, gesturing for Sebastian to leave first.

Sebastian grasped John’s hand as they left the building, walking close to him and raising an eyebrow, challenging John to protest. He only let go of said hand when they reached his car and they both slid into their respective seats, but before he started the engine, he grabbed John and kissed him quickly but roughly.

He smirked when he pulled away before starting the engine and pulling out. It wasn’t that long of a drive to Baker Street and hopefully it wouldn’t take John long to collect his things.

"Hey, if we’re lucky he might not even be there? Probably off solving some shit or something, though the things I have heard, he might not have even noticed you’re gone." He shook his head softly, keeping his eyes on the road but totally uncomprehending of how anyone could not notice John.

John smiled, laughing lightly at Seb’s words, though his mouth was still stinging from that hard kiss. He glanced over at Sebastian, watching the way his long body relaxed in the car, fit so perfectly against the leather. He looked at home, and damned if it wasn’t one of the hottest things he had ever seen.

He bit his lip and looked away. “Are you coming in with me?” he asked, licking his lips. Honestly, he wanted to have Sebastian come in with him, acting all possessive and snarky and glaring down his nose at Sherlock while John packed. 

He smiled at that thought, reaching over to set his hand on Seb’s knee, his thumb running over the material of the jeans.

"Of course, why wouldn’t I?" He smiled as he felt John’s hand on his leg and they drove in amicable silence until he was pulling into Baker Street and rolling to a stop outside of 221b. 

Before he got out of the car he turned to John and smiled. "You could take even longer and make me a cup of tea to irritate him longer if you like? I absolutely promise it has nothing to do with the fact I want a cup of tea." He grinned and leaned over to kiss John before getting out of the car and stretching slightly before locking the door. 

Sebastian over dramatically gestured to the door and half bowed at John, trying desperately not to grin as he did so. "After you, sir." 

John punched Seb in the arm as he walked past him. “Knock it off,” he chuckled, shaking his head as he walked up the few steps to the door, unlocked it, and then carried on inside. 

Sebastian laughed rather loudly as John hit him, and he followed John up the stairs.

There was silence from beyond the door, but John knew that that didn’t necessarily mean that Sherlock was out of the flat. “Sherlock?” he called, letting the door open a little louder than normal as he stepped into the kitchen and walked over to the threshold by the kitchen. 

Sherlock sat up from his position on the couch, eyeing John a bit suspiciously. “Who is he?” he asked, nodding over John’s shoulder to what must have been Sebastian.

"This is Seb," John said, more civil than usual. "My new flatmate. My… boyfriend?" He tested the word hesitantly, and it ended up coming out as more of a question than a statement.

Sebastian stood behind John and must have subconsciously stood a bit straighter, bringing his shoulders back but the tiniest huff of laughter escaped him, breaking his composure. 

"Gods, boyfriend sounds so childish. What about… lover? Partner? Sex friend?" He laughed lightly at the look on Sherlock’s face before composing himself and nodding politely. 

"Sherlock, John has told me so much about you." He teasingly pinched John’s backside before tapping it lightly, telling him silently to get the tea on. 

John jumped a bit, swatting Seb’s hand away as he turned back into the kitchen to make the tea. As the water was being brought to a boil, he walked back over to Sebastian and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing and then nipping his shoulder, glancing up at Sherlock with a grin.

Sherlock shifted, looking increasingly uncomfortable as he stood up, his hands going into his pockets. “Has he now?” he asked, meeting John’s gaze.

John stepped back when he knew that the tea was just about done, and he set about preparing Seb’s mug. “Sebastian,” he murmured, stepping up and holding the cup out to him. “I’ll just be getting my things then,” he said, leaning up on his toes to steal a soft kiss from him.

Sebastian took his mug of tea from John and hummed in appreciation, kissing him back and watching John walk up the stairs. He turned back to where Sherlock was standing in the centre of the living room, and he walked over, ignoring the stare, and sat on the sofa. He sipped at his tea in silence for a few moments before looking back up to Sherlock, who hadn’t even moved. 

"Well, he of course hasn’t told me everything bout you but I think I would be concerned, even jealous, if you were all he spoke about." He smiled up at Sherlock and raised an eyebrow, looking for any reaction; all he got was a narrowing of the eyes. So Sherlock had obviously figured John was leaving and wasn’t all that happy about it. 

"I think perhaps John wouldn’t be as eager to leave if you had treated him with a bit more respect. He might have even wanted to stick around." Sherlock wasn’t very happy, but from at least what Sebastian could tell he hadn’t figured _everything_ out, though he could tell the detective hated his presence. He stood back up when he heard John coming back down the stairs and he left his cup on the coffee table before moving to grab John’s stuff. 

"I will take these down to the car, perhaps you wanna say bye?" He leaned forward to John and whispered in his ear. "Say goodbye, he looks sad. Angry at me but sad you’re going. He’s a bit of an idiot but hey I’m a softy at heart." He laughed softly and kissed John’s cheek and left the flat, leaving them alone.

John sighed, watching Sebastian leave with what he was sure was a stupid smile on his face. He turned back to Sherlock once Seb was out of view, and he gave a small smile. 

"Sorry to drop out on you like this. It just… happened. I’ll pay my part of this month’s rent, but after that I’m done. I… I’ll see you around, Sherlock." He left before Sherlock could get out a word, not wanting to see the look on Sherlock’s face anymore. He set his key down on the kitchen table and then turned for the door and left, wrapping his arms around himself.

He didn’t want to live there anymore. He wanted to be with Seb, and he had a new job and a new boss. Sherlock drove him up the wall. So why did he feel so bad about leaving? Why did it feel like a kick in the gut?

"I feel like I just hit a puppy," he muttered to Sebastian, walking past him and taking a seat in the car.

Sebastian had already put John’s things in the boot and he got into the car after John, immediately starting the engine and heading for home. They needed a nice evening; this had all been incredibly draining. 

"It’s probably because you think he’s dependent. It seems like he is, but I guess you’re gonna feel bad for not being there for him even though he never really respected or appreciated you." He risked a momentary glance to John who still looked rather despondent.

"But that’s just my opinion, you could of course still see him though I suppose you would have to be a bit more careful." He drove the rest of the way in silence, the air between them slightly heavy, but he just put it down to them both being drained. 

He let out a small sigh of relief when he finally pulled up outside his apartment building and grabbed John’s things, carrying most of them himself. There wasn’t that much really, and Sebastian was completely ready to change that; he was going to spoil John. 

As soon as they were in the apartment he went and put John’s things in  _their_ room - he could sort them out later - before walking back in and practically collapsing on the sofa. 

"With everything considered, I suppose it hasn’t been too bad." 

John followed Sebastian up the stairs with his old army rucksack that he was determined to continue owning. He dropped it by the door and kicked off his shoes, rolling his shoulders before he walked into the living room and sat on the floor, cross legged in front of Sebastian with his back against the sofa.

"It’s been a long fucking day," John countered, tipping his head back to rest it against the inside of Seb’s thigh. He closed his eyes and just breathed, wanting to fall asleep right then and there, but knowing that they had really only eaten pastries today. 

"Give me a few minutes and I’ll cook something for us," he whispered, not feeling like getting up at all. His shoulders were knotted and his limbs felt like lead. He felt almost sick… like the flu except less nauseous. 

"Hmm, no, you’re not cooking; it’s been a long day. We’re getting pizza and that is completely non-negotiable." He brought one large hand over and started to stroke his fingertips through John’s hair, every now and then brushing them over his neck or check. He started to scratch lightly at John’s scalp, stopping every now and then to let his fingers play through the blond strands.

"We both need to rest too, especially you, if we are going to be busy tomorrow." He used his free hand to pull his phone from his jeans pocket, just about managing without disturbing John.

"What kinda pizza do you want? Sooner we order the sooner we can eat and go to bed." The entire scene was awfully domestic, but instead of repulsing Sebastian, he found himself smiling as he busied himself playing with John’s hair.

John found himself nearly purring at the soft, gentle touches, and he turned his head to nuzzle against Sebastian’s thigh, not minding the rough scrape of the denim against his cheek. 

"No fruits on it, but otherwise I don’t really care," he murmured, his breathing already evening out, the tension of his body seeping away into a near nothingness. 

"Please don’t stop doing that," he whispered, his hands lax in his lap. "Feels really good." He thought a shoulder massage might feel better, but no one had ever played with his hair like this, and he didn’t want it to end.

"Hmm don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on stopping." Sebastian kept his hand moving in John’s hair as he used his other to ring for the pizza. He just ordered one large pepperoni and then let his phone drop on to the sofa when he had hung up. He leaned forward slightly so now his other hand could play with the skin on John’s neck while he played with his hair.

"You look so content, it’s like no one’s ever done this for you, which surprises me. You should have people lining up to do this for you." He wasn’t flattering John, he was only pointing out what he considered to be true. The way John reacted to some of the things he had done for him made it seem as if he had never been truly cared for, and it quite frankly baffled Sebastian.

"You can also put your things away properly tomorrow, because I don’t think either of us can be arsed to do anything more strenuous than eating and sleeping right now."

John hummed, not feeling like answering Sebastian’s first statement. Why would people bother treating him kindly? He wasn’t anyone special, just another broken soldier home from the war, unable to find a good job, unable to live a quiet life. He didn’t look like anyone special, didn’t look any more extraordinary than his common name.

"Tomorrow, yeah," he agreed, feeling weightless as he sat there, lulled by the motions of Sebastian’s hands until he finally just gave in and drifted off to sleep.

Sebastian smiled as he felt the weight of John’s head against his thigh grow heavier and heard the steady breaths of sleep. He could give him a few minutes at least, until the pizza arrived and he had to move. He didn’t once stop the motions in John’s hair; he wouldn’t be opposed to sitting doing this for an incredibly long time, but unfortunately fifteen minutes later the bell sounded and he had to move. 

He lifted John’s head lightly and placed it back so he was resting against the sofa while he went to get the pizza, he paid the guy quickly before bringing it over and placing the box on the coffee table. He sat down on the floor next to John and paced a hand on his shoulder, nudging lightly. 

"John, come on. Food." 

John grunted in protest, whining and shaking his head. “I was sleeping,” he muttered accusingly, blinking awake and scrubbing his eyes. The smell of the greasy pizza pulled him awake a little more, and he eagerly reached out for the box, grabbing a slice and biting into it.

"This is not healthy food," he grumbled, leaning up against Sebastian’s side and letting out a small breath as he swallowed. "But thank you," he said, reaching up to turn Seb’s head so that he could kiss him softly. "You’re spoiling me. I’m going to become soft," he teased, nipping his bottom lip before he went back to eating.

Sebastian smiled into the kiss before grabbing a slice of pizza for himself.

"I seriously doubt that, I just think you like to complain. Also, I’m sure we can get away with pizza tonight; we have more than fucking earned it." He hummed in appreciation at the taste and letting John lean against him. 

"So John, I have a question." He took another couple of bites of pizza before actually turning his head to face John and speak. "What is it like sitting on the floor next to one of the deadliest, and quite frankly best looking, men in Britain, eating take out pizza?" He laughed before grabbing another slice. He couldn’t actually be bothered to eat it, but he really needed something half decent in his stomach before they went to bed. 

John raised his eyebrows, shaking with silent laughter that he refused to let out. He took another bite of pizza, acting as if he were considering the question. “Well… it’s pretty fucking intimidating, but it’s invigorating, especially since I know he loves me,” he whispered, smiling to himself.

Sebastian ate in silence after John had spoken. At least John knew, it was just… It became real when John said it out loud.

John finished up his slice of pizza then took another, crossing his ankles as he ate. “I love you, Sebastian,” he whispered, staring of into the fuzzy space between himself and the opposite wall. He was too tired to try to actually focus on anything. “I really, really love you.” 

Sebastian sighed quietly as John told him he loved him; there way no way he would get used to hearing that, it was certainly more than amazing.

When he finished his second slice of pizza, he stood and stretched, ruffling Seb’s hair as he walked past him and into the kitchen to wash his hands. “I’m knackered. Meet you in bed,” he said, turning for the bedroom. He stripped down to his pants, tossing his clothes to the floor, and crawled under the covers, sinking down onto the soft mattress.

 Seb followed John with his eyes as he stood and made his way to the bedroom, and Sebastian finished eating quietly before standing up himself. He moved the left over pizza and put it on the counter, closing the box. Depending on how he felt it might be breakfast. 

He tidied the place up some before washing up himself and finally making his way to the bedroom, seeing John already half asleep practically snuggled under the quilt. He smiled down at him before stripping down to his boxers and sliding in the bed next to John, pulling the man to his chest and kissing the back of his head. 

"You mean so much to me, you know you do, I just wish I could tell you." He kissed the back of John’s neck before wrapping his arm around his waist, stroking the skin on his stomach lightly. 

John hummed softly, smiling to himself as Seb held him, snuggled him close. “I know. You’ll get there eventually,” he murmured, and he finally drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	13. Chapter 13

When John woke in the morning, Sebastian was still asleep and holding onto him, though his grip was looser than before. John slipped from his arms and pulled on some lounge pants, walking quietly from the room and into the kitchen.   
He shook his head at the box of pizza on the counter, quickly going about making them a proper breakfast, something that would actually get them through the day.

He brewed some coffee while he was at it, sipping from his mug when it was done as he flipped eggs and pancakes, tending to the bacon that was starting to give off a nice aroma.

Sebastian grasped at nothing when he woke up and was momentarily confused before he could smell bacon, and he smiled at the domesticity of it all.   
He rolled out of bed, heading straight into the bathroom and getting himself sorted before finding a pair of jogging pants in his room and walking into the kitchen to meet John.

He walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around John’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder.

"Mmm I could get used to waking up to this." He stroked his hands down John’s sides and kissed the side of his neck before stepping back and taking a few minutes to look around for his cigarettes. 

Oh, he knew it was an awful vice, but to be honest it was hardly the worst thing he was doing. He fished one out of the packet and joined John back in the kitchen area, lighting up his smoke. There was something so satisfying about the first one in the morning and there was something more satisfying about watching John move around the kitchen, totally at ease.

"So, today I’m gonna have to force you to do a round on a gun range, though it’s obvious it will be no bother, the boss still insists. Then it will be giving you the ‘warnings’ and I think a bit of training in the gym."

"Warnings?" John asked over his shoulder as he poured Sebastian a cup of coffee, and then moved to get them some plates for their breakfast. 

"I’m assuming that I can use my own gun? Or at least something very similar to it? Handguns are quicker for me," he explained, putting the pancakes on their plates, then the bacon, eggs, and finally half of a banana and half of an orange for each of them.

"Tell me over breakfast," he said, setting their plates out and gesturing for Seb to sit down across from him.

He wasn’t nervous about his “training.” He was more nervous of when he actually started the job.

Sebastian nodded and finished his cigarette before sitting down opposite John. He quickly ate a mouthful of pancake and hummed at the taste before looking back to John. 

"Warnings I can do now to be honest. No mentioning the boss’ name to  _anyone_ unless explicitly stated, best not to talk about Jim at all to be honest. Of course you can’t talk about the nature of the work, or anything really, and if you do… Well, I don’t have to tell you how inventive he can get.” He ate some more before speaking again. 

"Your own gun is too much of a risk, but of course you will have access to any weaponry you request, you just have to tell me and I will get it for you. Anything for my John." He winked at him, as if offering John his choice of weapon was the highest form off flattery, and he laughed quietly before going back to his food. 

John chuckled, shaking his head in good nature as he started eating. “I want a Sig Sauer,” he said, highly conscious of his own gun in his army bag. “The P226R, preferably,” he added. “If you can get it so that it’s ambidextrous, that would be even better. I’m a better shot with my right, but I can shoot with both hands, and it’s nice to have something that doesn’t feel wrong in my left hand.”

He took another couple of bites, peeling off the skin of his half of the orange. 

"Will I be going with you? Most of the time, anyway? I don’t expect to be with you constantly, but…" He shrugged, looking up at Seb as he popped a slice of orange in his mouth.

"Yeah, that will be no bother. And I’m assuming you will be working nearly all of the time with me, since I go on pretty much the best jobs and you are ‘under my wing.’" Sebastian set about eating again, starting to feel full and putting down his knife and fork, stretching slightly.

"I just hope you don’t get too sick of me, eh?" He laughed quietly and stood up, taking his plate and leaving it on the counter. He would certainly have to clean up the place later on this evening, but they had things to do today. Before anything, however, he moved over to John. He had waited until John had finished eating before pulling him up for a slow kiss, holding him close.

"Come on, we best get ready. Shooting range is better earlier on." He went and picked up his phone, sending off a few texts specifying the type of weaponry John had requested and making sure he would get the best quality med packs before getting ready himself. He much preferred wearing soft worn-in jeans and a t-shirt; it was his usual wear, and he topped it off with a soft leather jacket so it didn’t restrict his movement. He hated being any kind of discomfort when he was training or on the job itself.

John eyed Sebastian’s outfit, licking his lips at how fucking hot he was. “I have half a mind to pin you against the wall right now,” he commented, slipping into some jeans and a jumper before turning back to Sebastian with a smile. 

"Don’t think that would help too much with our need to get going, though," he teased, walking up to Sebastian and instead just pulling him down for another kiss, licking his way into his mouth and groaning softly because fucking hell he tasted good.

Sebastian kissed him back eagerly, his arms snaking their way around John’s shoulders and holding him there for a few moments.

"And I would never, ever get tired of you," John breathed as he pulled away, nipping at Seb’s chin and grinning mischievously up at him.

"Good because you’re stuck with me now." Sebastian pulled back and winked at John before grabbing his car keys and phone shoving them into his pockets. He took a few more moments to find his wallet since now they had to have fucking ID badges to get in anywhere at the insistence of Jim - it was probably only because they had to have a ‘photo day.’

"They should have everything at the shooting range, I doubt you need to practice, I know I don’t, but it’s best to keep him happy." He smiled at John as he did another quick check of his pockets for everything, and he picked up the bag by his bed, throwing in another top and sweats for John since they would have to hit the gym.

"Come on then, soldier boy, let’s go see what you can do."

John laughed at what Seb had called him, and he followed after the other man as they made their way to the ground level and then to the car. “It’s a good thing you’re driving, because if there’s one thing I’m not comfortable doing, it’s definitely trying to control a vehicle,” he said, sliding into the smooth leather of the passenger seat. 

He had a hard time feeling comfortable driving, after what had happened to his parents, leaving Harry and him orphans to go live with their grandparents, who had only recently passed away. Harry was all he had left, and it seemed as if she was gone, too.

John sighed, leaning back against the seat and closing his eyes. He refused to think about this now. Maybe later, when they were back home and snuggling or when he went to take a shower by himself, or whatever. But not now. Not when he was supposed to be enjoying his day with Sebastian, despite the odd pretences behind it.

"I am perfectly content being your chauffeur." Sebastian laughed quietly and risked a glance at John in the passenger seat. He looked as if he had withdrawn into himself, and Sebastian put his eyes back on the road but placed a hand on John’s thigh for a moment. 

"Hey, you don’t have to tell me what’s wrong yet but don’t bottle it up yeah? You can talk to me later, let’s just get the day over with." He squeezed John’s thigh before turning his attentions back to driving. 

"They will have every gun you will possibly want to shoot at the range, so I’m sure you can find something you like. Though if you out perform me I might get a bit jealous." 

John laughed fully at that, thankful for Sebastian’s ability to pull him from himself. “That just gives me more motivation,” he teased, reaching over to take up Sebastian’s hand for a moment, kissing over his knuckles before releasing him.

The drive to the range was quiet and peaceful, and John didn’t mind that silence at all. By the time they pulled up, thoughts of his family were long behind him, and he was perfectly content to be right where he was with Sebastian.

"Does it matter what gun I use? Or are we more concerned with accuracy than with being able to handle a variety of guns?" From his time in the service he had learnt that all guns are useful for certain things. Sniper rifles, for instance, only did you any good at all from a large distance. But if you only knew how to shoot a Barrett and not a 9mm, then someone could easily get behind you up in your range, and you would be defenceless.

Sebastian waited until they had arrived and he pulled up before he answered John.

"Unfortunately, I have to deal with accuracy and gun handling, but I think yours will be more focused on accuracy. I doubt you will need more than a hand gun, anything else I can deal with." He pulled John in for a quick but slightly heated kiss before getting out of the car. Sebastian knew for a fact it was going to be more than hard work trying to keep himself from jumping John as he saw him handling a gun.

"Come on then, I can’t wait to see what you can do." He grinned at John before locking the car and heading into a warehouse. He took out a card and scanned it so they could get in before heading to a flight of stairs and walking down.

"As you can tell, Jim likes everyone to be well trained, which is why he has such ‘facilities.’"

John hadn’t realised that this was actually Jim’s shooting range until Sebastian said something. “Holy shit,” he whispered, looking around as they walked down a hallway and stepped into a massive, soundproof room.

There were guns seemingly everywhere, and John’s jaw dropped. None of these weapons were in use, and that was what shocked John the most. If there were this many guns just used for target practice, how many more were actually out there in the field?

"I didn’t think anything like this could surprise me after the war, but… fuck," he murmured, walking up to the wall and running his fingers over an assault rifle much like the one he used to carry in Afghanistan. 

Just a few rows down he found it. His gun. It wasn’t ambidextrous, but that was alright for now. He carefully picked it up off the wall, and he shivered at how good the weight felt in his hand once more. He quickly did a check on it, unloading the empty clip and sliding it back into place. Checking the chamber for a bullet out of habit. It was a damned nice gun.

"Hmm, like what you see?" Sebastian couldn’t help but lick his lips as John checked out the gun, handling it almost gracefully, like he was made to be holding a gun.

Sebastian moved forward and picked up a handgun. He had his own range in the arse end of nowhere just outside of London for when he wanted to train properly with his sniper rifle. He moved over to the massively stocked ammunitions area and loaded the gun swiftly, showing his years of practice, perhaps ending with a slight flourish because he may or may not have been subconsciously showing off for John.

"Is my solider boy ready to go?" They basically had the place to themselves, and Sebastian moved them over to one of booths, wanting to see how John handled the gun against a moving target before he squeezed in any practice himself.

John loaded the gun practically, because despite his burning need to hear praise from Sebastian, he was a practical man. He didn’t need to flourish about to get the job done, though he smirked when Sebastian did it, because he was hot and he loved the way his body moved. 

He stepped up beside Sebastian at the booth, and he flipped the switch on the safety. There was always a difference in a gun when the safety was off, making it feel heavier, more real in his hand. He raised the weapon, holding it with both hands in a teacup grip, and nodded at Seb to start the test.

It was almost too easy, too reflexive. His peripheral vision was strong, and he was easily able to shoot the targets before they became a “threat” to him. He knew that the real world was far more dangerous, and too much target practice could lull a person, but it felt damned good to feel the kick of the gun, hear the ear-splitting cracks, smell the burnt gunpowder. He had missed this, tremendously.

When the targets were all down, John lowered the gun, flipped the safety back on, and set it down on the small table in front of him before he turned to grin at Seb.

Sebastian watched John intently, torn between wanting to watch the targets fall and wanting to watch John in the process of making them fall. As soon as the last target was down and the echo from the shot had faded to silence broken only by John’s slightly accelerated breathing, he turned to face John.

"That was fucking brilliant." He own breathing was slightly accelerated, and he told himself this was only training, but fuck, he could picture John taking down any threat, a tiny bit of blood landing on his cheek, and he moved forward. He pushed John against the booth wall and covering his mouth with his own, his tongue invading John’s mouth. He kissed John deeply, one hand keeping John pressed against the wall and the other wrapped around John’s waist. It was more than a few moments before he finally pulled back.

"You saying yes to this job is possibly one of the best things to happen."

John groaned, grabbing the front of Sebastian’s shirt and pulling him close, staring up into his sharp, intense eyes. “Shut up and kiss me again,” he demanded, grinning until their lips were connecting once more.

He kept one hand in Sebastian’s shirt, the other winding up his neck to tangle in his hair. He moaned against Seb’s mouth, pushing his hips forward to rub them against Sebastian’s. John gave a good bite to Seb’s lower lip, then wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled himself up, his legs wrapping around Sebastian’s hips. 

"Fuck," he swore softly, the adrenaline running through him faster than he could really keep up with. Everything was reaction, and fuck thinking about it. That was Sebastian’s job, anyway.

Sebastian immediately hooked his hands under John’s thighs and held him there, groaning slightly at the friction, and he pulled back slightly to look at John while still holding him in place.

"We are never going to get anything fucking done if we keep behaving like this." That would have been a perfect sentence to let John go and continue with the training, but instead he surged forward and kissed John again. His tongue pushed its way into the shorter man’s mouth almost greedily. He moved his hands upward from John’s thighs until he was holding his up by his arse, the rest of his weight held up by John’s grip around his shoulders.

Sebastian finally pulled away from John’s mouth but immediately started to kiss his way over John’s jaw and down to his neck, nipping and sucking at the skin there.

John didn’t give a damn about the training, not when Sebastian was kissing him like that, nearly fucking his mouth with his tongue. He swore softly when Seb finally pulled away, that wonderful mouth moving down his neck. 

He slowly moved his hips, grinding against Seb in a way that was probably driving both of them completely mad. “Jesus,” he whispered. “You’re a hard man to resist, Sebastian,” he murmured, his eyes slipping closed as his hands wandered over Seb’s shoulders, though he never lost his grip on him. 

He wanted to beg to be fucked, but he knew they didn’t have anything for lube, and this wasn’t the time nor the place for a proper fuck anyway. 

"John, fucking hell. I would have you right here if we didn’t have anything we actually had to do." Despite his words he still bucked his hips forward and rubbed against John. He moved to mouth at his neck again, nipping at the skin and marking it again.

"Fuck, we should stop." His hands squeezed John’s arse roughly and moved to kiss him again. Pushing his tongue into John’s mouth, his breath speeding up as he tasted nothing but John.

John groaned, kissing back as good as he got, rutting his hips against Seb’s, pulling him closer with his hands. “Don’t you fucking dare,” he gasped, pulling back so that he could breathe. “Don’t you dare stop.”

He was hard, aching, and he needed,  _needed_  Sebastian right fucking now. “Oil. Cleaning oil for the guns. It’s mostly water, but it’s literally lubricant,” he gasped, the sudden idea hitting him and making his adrenaline spike. Fuck. Now they had a way to do this, and damn it, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

"Gods John, you are fucking filthy." He couldn’t believe John was actually suggesting this. Naturally, the thought had briefly crossed his mind, but he didn’t think John would actually suggest it. 

He rutted forward and ground his clothed erection against John’s before reluctantly putting him down, a smirk making its way onto his face. "Get the gun oil, Captain, and I want you back here with your hands against the wall. Now, boy!" The last part was almost a growl and he gave John a heated look before shoving him in the direction of the gun oil.

John’s blood heated, not in anger but in lust, and he quickly went to get gun oil in a room that he had never before been inside. He fumbled in multiple drawers before he finally found a small tube, and he immediately made his way back to Sebastian with it. 

He diverted from Sebastian’s orders only to pull him down into a heated kiss as he pushed the tube into Sebastian’s hand. Panting, he turned around and pressed his hands against the wall. He leant into them because he knew that he would need the support.

Sebastian was still achingly hard when John returned and grinned after John kissed him almost desperately before turning around. He immediately moved forward and reached around to undo John’s jeans. He pulled them down to John’s thighs before running his hand over John’s arse.   
He delivered two quick, but hard, slaps to the flesh of John’s arse.

"Fuck, John, so beautiful." He slapped his arse again, harder this time for deviating from his order before finally opening the bottle of gun oil. He pulled John’s hips back so he was slightly bent at the hips and he slicked his fingers before abruptly pushing two in.

John shouted, not giving a damn that they were in a public place. He wanted everyone to know who owned him, to know that he was Sebastian’s and he always would be. He was not up for grabs. He was claimed. 

"Oh shit," he swore, turning his head around, barely able to see Seb in his peripherals. The tightness of two fingers with the barely-there lubrication from the gun oil was perfect and filthy and he loved it. "Oh my god, Seb, fuck," he gasped, turning back to face the wall and dropping his head.

Sebastian wrapped his arm around John’s waist, standing slightly to the side so he could watch his fingers moving in John and he bit his lip at the sight. 

"Fucking hell John, still so fucking tight." He scissored his fingers, working John open before eventually adding another. The thought of the tightness that would eventually be wrapped around his prick made him groan, and he tightened his grip on John’s waist. He moved his fingers and crooked them so the tips were rubbing against John’s prostate while he prepared him rather impatiently. 

After what had felt like more than long enough, he withdrew his fingers and quickly unbuttoned his jeans enough so he could pull out his cock and slick it. Sebastian stepped over so he was properly behind John and lined up to his entrance, not even pausing before he pushed in, the head moving past the tight ring of muscle and drawing a ragged groan from his lips. 

"Shit, John, ah!" He kept moving until he was fully seated and pressed his chest against John’s back. Sebastian moved a hand up to John’s neck and he covered the man’s throat with a large hand so he had to tip his head back. 

Sebastian leaned forward slightly so he was whispering in John’s ear, the other arm still wrapped around his waist. "Fucking hell, John, you’re such a whore letting me fuck you here, such a needy slut." He punctuated the last word with a quick thrust of his hips before starting to move with longer deeper strokes. The hand around John’s neck tightening slightly but not quite enough to cut off the air.

John whimpered, bending back so that his spine bowed and his arse stuck out, his head held back by Sebastian’s hand on his neck. He squeezed his eyes closed as those dextrous fingers tightened, and he groaned, wanting to reach back and touch Sebastian, but without permission, he was detained like this just as well as if there had been ropes holding him in place.

A sharp gasp escaped his lips as Sebastian started moving in earnest, and he swore, closing his eyes tightly. “Please, Daddy,” he whispered, swallowing and feeling Seb’s fingers involuntarily tighten around his throat. “Call me a slut again,” he murmured, knowing that this really, really wasn’t the place for them to be doing this at all, let alone diving so far into it, but he really didn’t give a damn.

"Oh, John, such a good slut, begging for it like that." Sebastian tilted his head forward and moved his fingers slightly so he could latch onto John’s neck, biting rather harshly before sucking and licking at the flesh. He pulled back and started to thrust into him harder, the tight heat around his cock very nearly unbearable and his breath came in sharp pants. 

"Such a needy slut too. Fuck, I should get you a plug and keep you open, ready for me to fuck whenever I want." He tightened his fingers around John’s neck again before slipping the other hand up his jumper, his fingertips playing over the warm skin before scratching down his chest.  

John’s breath left him in short, sharp gasps, punctuating every hard thrust that Sebastian gave him, playing off of how tight his fingers were. He neck was going to be red for a while after this. He let out a strangled cry at the bite, his arms slipping from their positions for a moment, and when Seb’s fingers clawed down his chest, his knees went weak.

"Oh  _fucking Jesus_ ,” he whispered, wanting to drop his head forward, but he couldn’t. He whined, his cock leaking pre-cum onto the floor. He was close already, unable to handle how fucking perfect Sebastian fit in him, pushing him to the edge with every stroke.

"Close," he gasped, whimpering quietly. "God, Daddy, please, I’m so close."

Sebastian scratched his way down John’s stomach until his had reached the leaking prick. He ran his thumb over the tip, coating the head in his own pre-cum then stopping and giving him no more stimulation but instead speeding up his thrusts. They were starting to become erratic, and he felt himself coming closer to the edge, hearing John whimper and the sharp breaths whenever his fingers tightened around his neck. 

"Oh gods, John, you’re such a good slut, come on then, cum for me." He finally wrapped his hand around John’s shaft, moving his hand in time with his own stuttering thrusts, very nearly ready to tip over the edge. He bit his lips hard, trying to hold back so John would cum first, so he could feel John’s body convulsing around him as he came. 

John didn’t need any more encouraging, not with the way Sebastian was thrusting into him, and certainly not with the added stimulation around his cock. He came with a shout, ropes of cum decorating the floor and the wall in front of him. 

He gasped and shuddered, his inner muscles tightening around Sebastian, and he whined again once he was filled so perfectly just moments later.

"Holy shit," he panted, his body sagging, his head dropping forward as the hand around his throat moved away. "Thank you," he breathed, almost too softly to hear.

Sebastian was lost within himself for a moment before he came to and wrapped his arms around John, holding him up for a moment before he pulled out.   
He turned John around, ignoring the mess for the moment and holding the shorter man close.

"I’ve got you, baby." He kissed John’s temple and ran his hands down back. "You alright?" He cupped John’s face and tilted his head up before kissing his lips softly.

John didn’t think he would ever stop being amazed by Sebastian when he was like this, when he could go from so hot to so cold – fast and furious to soft and sweet – so quickly. "I’m okay," he whispered after he had pulled away from the kiss, resting his head on Seb’s shoulder and breathing him in as he slowly started relaxing, becoming more aware of where he was. "Yeah, I’m okay."

He grinned to himself, chuckling softly. “Oh my god, what the hell,” he giggled, burying his face in Seb’s chest. “We’re impossible.”

"I blame this entirely on you being completely insatiable and irresistible." Sebastian laughed softy, continuing to hold John before he took a deep breath and stepped back. He tucked himself away and buttoned up his jeans again before looking to John.

"Hang on, there’s bound to be a towel or something in the cupboard." He moved over to the cupboard with various supplies in and found a small towel and handed it to John.

"Here, I think we should try and control ourselves at least until we get home." He laughed again before kissing John softly and picking up his own gun, the safety still on, and tossing it between his two hands.

"I suppose I at least better keep up appearances and get a bit of practice in."

John laughed, quickly cleaning himself up, glad that they had gotten that out of their systems at least, especially knowing now that he was going to end up watching Sebastian with his gun. He was so screwed.

He pulled his pants and jeans back up, making quick work of the buttons and the zip before he headed over to toss the rag and put the gun oil back where he had found it. And then, damningly, he walked back over to Seb and leaned against the wall, gesturing for him to continue, knowing that it was going to be a hell of a sight to see.

As John walked back over, Sebastian looked at him and laughed before turning back so he was now facing the range.

"Do you think you would be able to keep it in your pants this time?" He laughed again before breathing deeply and clicking the safety off the gun. He took another deep breath before flicking the switch that set off the moving targets. He zeroed in on each target, hitting them dead centre. It was actually a good few weeks since he had properly handled a handgun, but it was apparent he certainly wasn’t rusty.

After what only seemed like a few moments he scanned his gaze across the now stationary targets and each hit was neigh on perfect. He turned to John and winked. "So, not too rusty eh?"

John chuckled, shaking his head because Sebastian was ridiculous. “Not too bad at all,” he whispered, walking over and wrapping his arms around Seb’s waist, looking past his shoulder at the targets.

They had different styles of shooting. Sebastian thought of everything as a competition, shooting the targets dead centre. John was more practical. His bullets looked off-target until you compared the targets to a human body. He shot in places that would be deadly and painful, but that would leave the victim alive long enough for either torture or information extraction. Or both. 

They were a deadly team.

Smirking, he rose up on his toes and kissed Seb’s neck. “You better tie me up tonight, Colonel,” he whispered, his voice heavy. “A gag might be necessary.” His blood was singing, and he needed some stimulation, but he could wait until tonight.

"Oh I think I should treat you to something proper, how about we go ‘shopping’ after the gym?" Sebastian grinned at John; he knew the perfect place and he had more than enough money to burn. He would treat John to anything he wanted. "Anything you like my darling, just for you." He winked at him and half stuck his tongue out, teasing the shorter man.

"You are not allowed to complain about any costs either, or I might just have to punish you." He pulled John into a bruising kiss before pulling back and just taking a moment to take in the amazing man before him.

John hummed, staring up at Sebastian, wondering just what “shopping” entailed. How much was he limited to? Was he completely free to roam? 

"Don’t make me too eager," he whispered, leaning up to kiss Seb once more before he reached past him for his gun, moving off to put it away. He walked with a sway in his hips, knowing that Sebastian was watching and loving every second of that knowledge. 

"So," he said, leaning back against one of the counters and folding his arms over his chest, "where’s the gym and how long do with have to spend there?"

"It’s not too far from here, a ten minute drive or so." He watched John lean back and couldn’t help but rake his eyes over the captain and subconsciously lick his lips.

"I would say only about half an hour at the gym. It’s mostly just weight training to keep everything up, because if I’m going to be completely honest I think we are keeping on top of our cardio." He gave John a lopsided smile before walking over and making sure the gun he had used was stowed away safely. 

He checked his pockets for his car keys and took them out and looking to John. "Come on then, gym then shopping."

John practically purred, taking Sebastian’s free hand as they walked, his hips still sashaying behind him. There were people walking around now, a few men and only one woman that John could spot. He felt their eyes on them as they walked out, but he couldn’t have cared less.

The drive to the gym was just as silent as their drive to the shooting range had been, but it was a companionable silence that John actually enjoyed. When they got out, John took Sebastian’s hand again, running his thumb over his knuckles.

“Just think. You can openly parade me around now,” he murmured.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly. We can pick you up some new workout clothes when we go shopping, anything else you need as well, more clothes if you want them. Like I said, don’t worry about the cost okay?" Sebastian started to get changed himself, pulling on a tank top and a pair of sweat pants and lacing up his training shoes. 

He grabbed John’s clothes and shoved them in the bag too before putting it in his own locker and turning back to John.

"It wouldn’t surprise me if your ID is already waiting in my flat along with your other things. He likes to work fast, hates waiting." He offered John a smile before he led them into the gym. He walked over to one of the trainers he knew and greeted him before asking for a call every two minutes. He grabbed two water bottles from the side and threw one to John.

"Right let’s get going then."

They worked their arses off for thirty minutes. John, for his part, didn’t complain, but he had to re-adjust the weight every time he got to a machine that Sebastian had already been at, and he wasn’t making it heavier. 

By the time they were done, he was a sweaty mess, and some of his muscles felt like jelly. Others felt good for the workout, but he knew he was going to be sore in the morning.

He and Sebastian trudged to the showers together, though John was quicker and got in first. He stood at the showerhead at the end of the row, his head down, letting the cool water beat over his neck and back. His hand was shaking, but he didn’t realise why until he caught himself staring at the drain, expecting the water to run pink. 

He was expecting himself to be injured.

"Seb?" he called, wanting to tear his eyes away from the drain, but he couldn’t.  _Where was the blood? Why wasn’t he bleeding? He had just got stabbed, hadn’t he? Right side, just below the seventh rib. Short blade, mostly a graze, but quick to bleed. So why wasn’t there blood?_

"Sebastian."

Sebastian had stopped to grab towels before he followed John into the shower, grabbing the shower gel too before slowly stripping off, or more like peeling off, his clothes. 

He walked into the shower and saw John staring at the drain and frowned, his brain finally kicking into gear when he heard John say his name. He sounded scared.

"John! John, what is it? What’s happened?" He had never heard John sound like as of yet so something must be majorly wrong. He tried to think, what could have happened? He hadn’t noticed anything while they were working out had he? Just some other people doing the rounds as well, there was a couple of unfamiliar faces but there always was.

"Come on, John, talk to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	14. Chapter 14

John just kept staring at the drain, as if completely transfixed by it. “There should be blood,” he said, his brow furrowing.

“There was a wound, and it should be bleeding. Here,” he murmured, tapping his finger over what was now a years-old scar. “Why isn’t it bleeding?”

Later, he would look back on this and realise that he wasn’t having a flashback or a walking nightmare. He was overloaded with sensory information, too susceptible to weaknesses, and his mind had simply found a recognisable place to go. He had spent so long in Afghanistan that apparently his mind always went there.

Now, though, he was mostly confused, and he was kind of scared. He didn’t understand what was going on, because his senses expected him to be in one place, and he brain was accounting for that, but his rational mind knew that he was in a completely different place, or he wouldn’t have called for Seb. The problem was that they were both existing simultaneously.

Sebastian looked to where John has gestured and saw the puckered skin of a scar there and figured out what had happened though he had never had to deal with it before. He stepped forward and cupped John’s face softly with his hand and tilted his head up so he wasn’t staring at the drain but looking at Sebastian instead.

"John, listen. You’re here with me. You’re in the gym in London and no one has hurt you." He took John’s hands in his own, running John’s finger tips over the scar.

"There, feel. It’s a scar, not fresh." He ran his own fingertips over the scar, feeling the skin there himself.

"You’re here with me. Not in Afghanistan, you’re okay." Sebastian wasn’t worried, he knew he could bring John back to himself, he just didn’t know how long it might take.

John frowned, running his fingers over what was obviously a scar. He opened his mouth, figuring that this was a mistake, but he closed it again, turning to look down at his side. There wasn’t a wound, just a scar among many others. 

Letting out a shuddering breath, John stepped into Sebastian and wrapped his arms around him, burying his face against his shoulder. “This is the second time in less than a week,” he whispered, his eyes closed. “Why is this happening? I was fine, I was getting better,” he said, pressing his lips tightly together afterward. 

Sebastian simply wrapped his arms around John and held him close, letting him relax for a moment.

"John, it happens to the best of us. War, being in a place like that, it changes things, and you can’t expect to get better and not relapse. I know it’s hard, trust me, but we all have our bad times; we just have to find the strength to get through." He stroked his fingers through John’s damp hair and cooed sweet nothings in his ear.

"I know how strong you are, you can get through it and I will be here." He kissed the top of Johns’ head and kept him close.

John made a small noise, staying in Sebastian’s arms for a few moments longer before he stepped back, tilting his head up to look at him. “Thanks,” he murmured, meaning it with all of his heart. “I just hope it doesn’t happen when I’m out in the field. I don’t want to accidentally shoot you or something,” he said, shuddering at the thought.

Trying to cast it from his mind, he reached over for the shower gel that Sebastian had brought in with him, and he squirted some on a flannel and started to wash himself off.

Sebastian took the shower gel back from John and poured some into his own hands and started to wash himself down, talking as he did so.

"Listen, John, the times something like that has happened you have still known I was there, and you focused on me. It’s what seemed to help and, just going from that, you shouldn’t consider yourself a danger to me." He rinsed off and grabbed one of the towels, wrapping it around his waist.

"Everything is going to work out, John, we just have to work at it and you have to trust me." He waited for John to rinse off and grab his own towel before pulling him in a tight hug.

"Listen, we will go shopping and spend a ridiculous amount of money and enjoy the rest of the day, right? Do I need to offer to get you ice cream or something?"

John laughed, burying his face in Sebastian’s shoulder, his arms tightening around him. “Ice cream never hurts,” he teased, though he pulled away and leant up to kiss along Sebastian’s jaw, licking at and grazing his teeth over the long stubble there. “You need to shave,” he whispered, his eyes snagging Seb’s before he stepped out of the shower and went to pull his clothes on.

"Ice cream it is, then." Sebastian smiled after John, thankful that the man was at least smiling now, and he followed him into the dressing room. 

John dried off completely before he started dressing, and by the time he had his jeans on, Sebastian was stepping out of the showers with him. He towelled off his hair furiously before pulling on his jumper. “I need new clothes,” he muttered, plucking at the jumper. “T-shirts are more practical.”

Sebastian also towelled off himself before letting it drop to the floor and pulling on a pair of boxers. He looked over to John and laughed at the look of disdain John gave his jumper.

"Yeah, t-shirts are much more practical, slightly less frumpy than those bloody jumpers." He teased at John and laughed quietly. 

He looked up as another man walked into the locker room, nodding at Sebastian and eyeing John. John frowned, glaring at him before going back to dressing, pulling on socks and then shoes.

Sebastian immediately greeted the man that walked in but frowned slightly at the questioning look he gave John. He turned to the man again as he was pulling on his jeans. "He’s with me." He offered nothing more as he finished getting ready and shoved everything back into the bag before slinging it over him shoulder.

"Come on then, John, shopping." He grinned at John and walked out of the gym, ignoring the other man on his way out.

John followed after Sebastian, not giving the other man a spare thought. “You like my jumpers,” he teased, shoving Seb gently as they left the gym, heading towards his car. “But, honestly… I don’t know. Maybe it’s time for a wardrobe change. Though maybe not as much black as you,” he joked, waiting for the car to be unlocked before he slid inside.

He loved the way Sebastian dressed. It was very complementing of his physique, but it wouldn’t suit John the same. He had a hard time even thinking about giving up his jumpers, which had served as a security blanket of sorts when he had got home from the war. 

But now he was being pushed back into a war, and he knew that proper attire was a must. Hiding behind jumpers wasn’t going to suit him anymore, and he needed to make that outwardly clear, both to himself and to everyone else.

"John, your jumpers are horrible and tacky." Sebastian tried to give John a severe look as he threw the bag on the back seat of the car but it only lasted a few moments until he burst out laughing.

"But really, a new more practical wardrobe might be needed for when you’re working at least. But, if you are extra good for me there might just be ice cream and a new jumper in it for you." He half stuck out his tongue and winked at John before pulling out and heading toward the centre of London. He was actually looking forward to this.

He hadn’t been out recently to just spend a lot of money for the hell of it, and he thought he had earned it, though nearly nothing would actually be for him. He was genuinely looking forward to spoiling John.

"I’m always good for you," John said, because it was true. Everything he did lately, it seemed, was in Sebastian’s best interest. He reached over and took up his hand, just holding onto it as he drove. "I love you," he whispered, because he did and because he needed to say it. 

He didn’t know what exactly to expect of the rest of the day. He wasn’t the kind of person to just spend money willy-nilly. He’d grown up poor and had lived that way his whole life. He didn’t know the meaning of having money to blow. 

He supposed, though, that with Jim hiring him, he would have to get used to it. If he was going to get paid even half of what Sebastian was getting paid, then he was going to have a lot of money that he wouldn’t know what to do with. 

He thought about leaving anonymous donations to hospitals or veterans funds, and it made him smile. He may not be doing legal work anymore, but he would always be a doctor, and he would always have a soft heart.

"Hmm that’s because you’re my good little soldier boy." Sebastian stuck his tongue out at John again before turning his eyes back to the road, every now and then running his thumb over John’s hand.

"So, we need gym gear first since that won’t take long at all. It’s only stuff you’re going to sweat all over anyway." He laughed lightly before pulling into one of the large car parking complexes and getting a ticket before finding a space straight away.

"Then, clothes. Anything you like: practical stuff for work and something for when we aren’t on a job. After that, we need to go to a shop where you can feel free to go mad." He smiled at John before getting out of the car and making sure he had his wallet before locking the car and walking round to the other side to grab John’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

"Right then, let’s go shopping."

Sebastian had been right in saying that the clothes shopping wouldn’t be that big of a deal. They got a couple tank tops and a couple pairs of shorts for John to wear, and then they left that store and went off to another. 

John tried to argue that he didn’t need the more expensive clothes, but Sebastian wouldn’t have it. John would have been lying if he said that he didn’t appreciate it or feel special, or if he said that the more expensive ones felt better.

He ended up with five new pairs of jeans, some new shoes, and close to twenty t-shirts, plus the new jumper that Seb had insisted on.

"Can we put these in the car before we go to the other shop?" John asked through a laugh, looking down at the bags that weighted his arms. 

Sebastian was full of bags and he laughed, looking down at the amount they were both carrying.

"Yes, probably a good idea." Sebastian had only bought a couple of t-shirts for himself but he felt good, he had absolutely doted on John through the entirety of the shopping trip and loved every minute on it. He didn’t have to worry about how much he had spent since he had the cash to burn, and he started to head back to the car. 

Unfortunately, due to the amount of bags, he was unable to link his hand with John’s again so they simply had to make do with walking close.

He let out a sigh of relief as they finally got the bags into the boot of the car, shaking out his arms before pulling John in for a quick kiss.

"Right, one more shop then the promised ice cream?" He laughed quietly and made sure to lock his car again before grabbing John’s hand and practically dragged him to this shop. It was very out of the way and somewhere one would probably have to know about to find it, it was also very unassuming and you had to walk down a set of stairs once you were in to get to the main part of the store. 

Once they walked in, he watched John intently, waiting for his reaction; it was quite possibly the largest sex store in London with anything anyone could possibly imagine.

"Go on then, John, anything and everything you like."

John gaped, looking around at all of the merchandise, his neck heating in a blush that he refused to let climb to his cheeks. “Oh my god,” he whispered, starting to walk around, dragging Sebastian with him.

"What am I limited to?" he asked, his voice softer. He had already picked out three things that he wanted, but he had to ask first. "Daddy," he whispered, just so that Sebastian could hear, "how many things am I allowed?" 

"As many things as you want, baby, this is my treat." Sebastian couldn’t care less how it might look that he was buying John all of these things - he wouldn’t be surprised if the staff thought he was some kind of sugar daddy – but as long as John was happy, he was happy. 

Judging by the look on a John’s face he was most definitely happy.

"You want me to get a basket?" Sebastian didn’t even wait for a reply before deciding that he would most definitely need a basket, and quickly going to pick one up before walking back over to John.

"Go on then, start choosing." He gave John a smile and gestured to the whole shop.

John shivered, a wide smile on his face as he immediately grabbed a length of silk rope, padded handcuffs (two pair, one for his wrists and the other for his ankles), and a ball gag.

He spent the rest of the time working out things in his head, occasionally tossing something else in the basket. A couple vibrators were added, one normal plug and one vibrating plug with a remote. He added a proper blindfold. A whip. And then he just stood there staring, trying to think of what else he could get.

"Oh," he murmured, walking over and grabbing a couple cock rings. Grinning to himself, he brought it back and set it in the basket. "Anything you wanted?" he asked, looking up at Seb with a smile.

Sebastian couldn’t help but watch with a grin as John started to fill the basket, the grin almost splitting his face as he saw everything John was putting in. He rose a brow at John’s question and pondered for a moment, looking around the shop. His gaze lingered on the lingerie for a second before he shook his head.

"Nope nothing I wanted… need, on the other hand." Sebastian moved over to near the counter and picked up a liberal amount of lube and put that in the basket too.

John opened his mouth to reply, but his mind was stuck on where Sebastian’s eyes had caught. He turned to look again at the lingerie, but he shook himself of the thought. Not now.

"Might as well get everything while we’re here." He now took the very full basket over to the counter and watched as the woman started racking up the total. He snaked his arm around John’s waist as they waited and he leaned in so he could whisper in his ear.

"What do we say to the lovely man who is spoiling you rotten?"

"Thank you, Daddy," John whispered, leaning up and kissing him, snagging his bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away. "I can’t wait," he said, turning to look again at all the things Seb had bought for him.

He had a really hard time believing that this was his life now. He was waiting for the moment when he would blink and find himself still sitting in Baker Street, or back at his first studio flat, or worse, still in the desert.

But even if this was a dream, he was damned sure going to enjoy it now.

Sebastian smiled at the whispered thank you and had to suppress a shudder as John lightly bit his lower lip. He smiled further as he saw the cashiers face as it was obvious she had heard John call him daddy and she had no idea what to make of it. Especially since John was obviously, even if only slightly, older than Sebastian. 

He kept an arm around John’s waist as she finished the transaction, the total coming up to just over £200 and he handed her his card, smiling politely as he did so.

Once everything had been paid for, they both thanked her and left the shop, Sebastian letting out a small huff of laughter as soon as they were outside.

"Her reaction alone when you said thank you was worth going in there." He grinned at John, moving the very full bag to his other hand before taking John’s with his own and giving him a quick kiss on the lips before starting to walk down the road, keeping his eye open for an ice cream store.

John chuckled as well, holding tightly to Sebastian’s hand. “This is so ridiculous, and I can’t believe you just dropped that kind of money on sex toys,” he teased, shaking his head and laughing a little more. He couldn’t remember a time when he had spent that kind of money on himself. 

He hadn’t seen the girl’s face, so he couldn’t comment on it. He’d been looking too intently on Sebastian, who inevitably was taking up the entirety of his thoughts. How could one man so devastatingly affect him, crushing his old life and forcing him into a new one. John shouldn’t have been thankful for it, but he was, oh god, he was.

"What are you going to use tonight, Daddy?" he asked, his voice tilting up a bit at the end of the question, wanting to find out if Sebastian was thinking of anything special.

Sebastian found himself very nearly melting at the question and he looked over at John and licked his lips. 

"The rope, gods definitely the rope, I want to see you tied up all pretty for me." Sebastian leaned in a bit closer and lowered his voice so it was a whisper in John’s ear. 

"And since you have been so good for me, I will get you trussed up and I’m going to fuck you with one of the vibrators until you’re practically crying and begging for my cock." He moved back, smirking to himself as he continued to walk down the street with John’s hand in his own. He quickly leaned in again.

"Though if you keep calling me daddy in public just to tease me I might just have to use the whip." He acted as if he had said nothing when he finally spied an ice cream shop just a few more metres down the road. He pulled John into the shop and turned to him as they waited to be served. 

"So what do you want?" 

Sebastian’s words had gone straight to John’s cock, and he squirmed, forcing upon himself thoughts of rotting food in order to keep down the threatening erection. His mind immediately wandered again to what was planned for him tonight, and he grit his teeth, focusing so much that he nearly missed Seb’s question.

He looked up, glancing over the lighted menu of fancy sweet dishes that this shop served, including their trademark special. None of it really sounded that appealing. Too many calories, too sweet, too much chocolate or caramel or whatever. “Just a cone,” he replied, leaning against Seb’s side. “Vanilla. Maybe with marshmallow cream drizzled on top.” 

The marshmallow was something he hadn’t had in a really long time, and he was just thinking about how perfect it would taste when his phone buzzed. 

Sebastian nodded at what John wanted for his order and raised an inquisitive eyebrow as John’s phone rang. There didn’t seem to be that many people he was in contact with, and he wondered who could have been ringing him. 

He pulled the device out of his pocket and frowned. Unknown caller. “Hello?” he answered, lifting his eyes to glance at Sebastian. 

"I see you’ve changed paths, Dr Watson."

John frowned at the cool, calculated tone that he hadn’t heard in a good while. “That’s not your business,” he snapped, stepping away from Sebastian so that he could talk to Mycroft in a way that was mostly private.

"Is it not? You were my brother’s… companion for quite a while, and now you’re working in accordance with one Sebastian Moran, whom I know for a fact works with a certain Jim Moriarty."

John clenched his fist, counted to ten, and unclenched it. “So what if I am? You don’t own me. I wasn’t doing anything for you or for your brother. I left, I moved, and I’m done.”

"Yes, I believe you are."

The line went dead, and John lowered the phone, his eyes scanning the street, watching the crowds. There was a glint from a window across the street, and just as his eyes caught it, and he recognised what it was, the crack of a gun exploded. 

"Sebastian!" he yelled, diving out of the way. He curled up by the wall under the window, covering his head with his hands as round after round was fired into the shop.

Sebastian was just stepping up to the counter when he heard John yell his name and he quickly spun to face him, only having milliseconds before he registered the glass window of the shop shattering and a hail of bullets entering the shop. 

Sebastian dove to the floor, feeling the sharp impact of the hard surface against his body as he used one hand to cover his head and the other arm to pull himself over to John. He felt shards of glass from the shattered window cutting into his arm but he pushed it from his mind as he reached John and had to shout over the gunfire.

"I bet this is fucking down to Mycroft!" Sebastian kept low; keeping one arm over his head he pulled his phone from his pocket and rang Jim, unable to actually talk to him but he knew Jim would figure out what was going on straight away and use the GPS locator on his phone. 

"There’s no way we can get out without being stopped by Mycroft’s men and we don’t have weapons; we’re stuck here, we have to wait for an extraction!" 

John was about to yell back that this was fucking bullshit when the bullets suddenly stopped. He lifted his head a bit, readjusting himself so that he was sitting. He was panting, and his left arm hurt, but he passed it off as pain from his shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked, guiding Sebastian over to him, noticing the blood on Seb’s arm from the glass. "That’s going to be a bitch to clean," he muttered, his eyes wandering around the shop, taking count of the dead and the injured, the total damage done to the place.

"I’m fine, it’s fine." Sebastian pulled himself up but still kept out of line of window and sat up in front of John. Sebastian ignored the damage done to the shop and instead kept on his guard for any other possible attacks. 

John’s vision swam and a wave of pain flowed over him. “Fuck,” he swore, turning his head to look at his arm, for the first time giving it any real thought. Blood. Lots of it. “Shit… Seb,” he whispered, his hand coming round to squeeze over the wound, his eyes pinching shut because  _bloody hell_  that hurt. 

Sebastian’s eyes were soon drawn to John’s arm as he swore and he saw the blood covering John’s hand and he reacted quickly, the training kicking in so he didn’t panic despite the fact it was John that was injured.

He moved John’s hand out of the way and looked at John’s arm, finding and entry wound and an exit wound. After noting there was definitely no debris in his arm he proceeded to rip the sleeve from John’s jumper, exposing the wound. 

"It’s a through and through; we can get you patched up properly when we get out of here yeah?" It didn’t look like they had hit anything major, but it was still bleeding profusely and he used the sleeve of the jumper as a tourniquet to stem the flow, tying it around the top of John’s arm. 

"We still need to stay here, men should be here soon and we can’t risk moving." 

John nodded, years of medical training and more years in the army told him that Seb was right, he had to keep still and stay put. “Missed the bone,” he murmured, tipping his head back against the wall and grimacing. “Not as bad as the first one,” he tried to joke, implying the mass of scar tissue on his shoulder where he was shot in the desert. 

It still hurt like a son of a bitch, though, but he kept his mouth shut. Complaining wasn’t going to do anyone any good. 

Instead he lifted his head and used his good hand to pull Sebastian closer. “Let me see your arm,” he said, taking his wrist and pulling on it until Sebastian gave in. Most of the cuts weren’t too deep, and the ones that were didn’t go near any major veins. “Make sure you get someone competent enough to flush out the small pieces of glass,” he murmured, wincing as his arm smarted again. 

"Guess our plans are shot for the night, huh? No pun intended."

Sebastian rolled his eyes as John forced him to let him see his arm - it was really nothing. Yeah, a few of them would scar, but it was nothing major; it was John he had to worry about. 

"I know, John, the medical team might not exactly be up to John Watson’s standards but they are competent enough." Sebastian felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and he took it out, checking the message he had received. 

"Extraction team will be here in a couple of minutes. Give me your phone." He watched as John hesitated and instead took the phone from him, he didn’t really want to do this but it had to be done. He dropped the phone to the floor and stretched his leg out so he could smash it with his heel. He didn’t stop until the phone was completely shattered and was just another part of the debris littering the floor. 

"We can’t risk the trace, John, had to be done. As for our plans, yeah they might have to be put on hold." He suddenly started laughing as he looked next to him and realized he had managed to salvage the bag and he nodded to it on the floor. 

"At least we won’t have to go back to replace everything." 

John snorted, despite the ache in his arm. “Well, there’s something at least,” he teased, shaking his head, muffling a soft groan. 

"Fuck, it hurts," he whispered, keeping his eyes closed so that he didn’t have to look at Seb or at the people that were bleeding out around them. He tried not to move his arm as much as possible, tried not to focus on the bleeding that wasn’t really slowing. He tried to focus on nothing at all, which really, when he thought about it, wasn’t working.

"Not gonna carry me out like a girl, are you?" he asked, trying to crack a smile. "Legs aren’t hurt. Suppose I could walk," he teased, though he was sure that the joke fell flat.

Sebastian huffed quietly at John’s ridiculous suggestion but soon found himself smiling. 

"Well, I wasn’t going to but now that you have suggested, it you are most definitely getting carried out." Moments later he heard the shouts of familiar sounding men, no gunshots however, so Mycroft’s men must have cleared out before they could be captured. 

"Right, we’re going to one of the safe houses and we will get patched up before going home, yeah?" He watched as two men came into the store, holding up their guns and checking for any potential threats before seeing Sebastian and calling through to Jim to let him know they had found him. Sebastian nodded at them and made John clutch their bag with his good arm, earning him a smile from the man as got up and leaned down to pick John up. 

He picked the smaller man up bridal style, two men flanking him and keeping their guns raised until they reached a van and Sebastian climbed into the back, forcing John to sit on his knee. 

"Nearly there baby." His voice was a whisper as he was speaking only to John and he stroked his hand through sandy hair. 

Part of John hated being carried and babied, and truthfully, if it had been anyone but Sebastian, John would have been putting up a fuss. As it was, though, he leaned into him, closing his eyes and willing the pain in his arm to subside. 

As they drove, he thought through how efficient Jim’s men were. It reminded him of the army, and he was betting that most of the men were ex military, same as Seb and himself. He knew that everything was illegal, and when it came down to it, it seemed that it was every man for himself, but they had arrived in good time, and they had been efficient in getting him and Seb to safety. 

There was something that John could admire about that. Especially knowing that, had he and Sherlock been in the same situation, help would not have come so quickly, if at all.

"It’s fine, it’s alright," he murmured, his eyelids heavy, his limbs like lead. He was glad, now, that Sebastian was holding him, because he was obviously going into shock.

Sebastian heard the fatigue in John’s voice and immediately started to fuss over him, checking anything and everything. His temperature seemed relatively regular and his pulse was generally normal if a bit erratic so it was highly unlikely he had lost enough blood to go into hypovolemic shock. Though it was apparent the amount of blood he had lost was affecting him and he felt John starting to go lax in his arms. He slightly tightened his grip around him, holding John to his chest, careful not to jostle his arm. 

"Nearly there, we can get you patched up and you will have another lovely scar to go with the one on your shoulder." He checked the material wrapped around John’s arm to make sure it was still tight enough; the blood flow had certainly been stemmed enough that it wouldn’t be a risk. 

"Keep looking at me John, you know the drill; it’s emotional shock but you’re suffering with blood loss too so you cannot go to sleep." He moved one arm so he could cup John’s jaw and tilt his head up so he would look at Sebastian. 

"Trust you hmm? You turn up and cause the most trouble there has been in a long while; it’s a good job we like a bit of trouble." Sebastian smiled at John, wincing slightly at the pain in his own arm. 

John’s eyes sought out Sebastian’s and held them. He frowned marginally, listening to him speak, watching him as he was thinking behind those amazing eyes. “Didn’t think he’d be an issue,” he murmured, meaning Mycroft and knowing that Sebastian would understand.

He leaned into Seb’s touch, grimacing as they went over a bump and then eased into a stop outside of a seemingly normal building, but John had a feeling that it was anything but.

His head dropped again to Sebastian’s shoulder as they got out, Seb’s hold never failing him, which John was grateful for to no end. He knew that glass shards hurt like a bitch, and he wasn’t short on empathy.

"We’re okay," he murmured, his eyes closing. There were more people around them now, and he felt hands on him, but he was pretty far sunk into himself to notice too much. The last thing he remembered before he passed out was Sebastian standing in a white hallway, staring after him.

Sebastian carried him inside, letting out a breath of relief as he was practically swarmed with men ready to treat John. They certainly knew that John was important to Sebastian as he had carried the man in himself and they carried him carefully down the corridor. They were obviously incredibly mindful of what would happen to them if anything happened to John. 

He was soon pulled into a different room so that his own arm could be treated. He gladly accepted the painkillers before some of the medics started to clean his arm, pulling out pieces of glass and flushing out the rest, making sure the cuts were completely clean. 

A couple of the cuts did need stitches, but he was soon patched up, his arm covered in white bandages, and he immediately asked where John was. As soon as someone told him, he made his way through the building to the room they had put John in and dismissed the woman standing in front of the door.

John was completely out when he went in so all he could do was pull up a chair and sit next to the small bed. He seemed to be alright, probably hopped up on painkillers but otherwise fine, so Sebastian sat and waited. Eventually he felt exhaustion wash over him; the adrenaline wearing off, and he rested his head on John’s stomach and let his eyes close, breathing in time with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are the best and come and find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and I'm at pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	15. Chapter 15

John woke up with a slight headache, but otherwise he felt fine. There was the heaviness of the painkillers running through his veins, and his arm felt stiff from what he knew were layers of bandages, but otherwise he felt really okay.

There was a weight on his chest, though, something that wasn’t an injury or a bandage, and he lifted his head a bit to look down. He smiled and his heart lightened when he saw Sebastian, sleeping contently with his arm bandaged as well. 

John only moved enough to lift his hand and card his fingers through Seb’s hair, smiling softly because, if this was his life now, he was alright with that. 

Sebastian woke up slowly, something disturbing him from his sleep and he noticed the fingers playing with his hair and he turned his head so he was now looking up at John but still using him as a pillow. 

"How you feeling baby?" His voice was thick with sleep and a bit slow thanks to the painkillers and his eyes were still heavy but he smiled nonetheless. 

"And before you even ask I’m fine, they got all of the glass out and I’m fine. It’s you that got shot." He knew for a fact John would fuss over him first - he was definitely too caring to not do that - so he had to make sure John was alright before anything else. 

He leaned into the touch on his hair and brought his other hand up to stroke along John’s side as he waited for an answer, huffing a laugh slightly as he saw their bag next to the bed. 

“‘M fine,” John murmured, irritated at the slur of his words, but there was nothing for it. “Just tired. Heavy,” he said, trying to explain a situation that he knew Sebastian could relate to. 

He was glad to hear that Sebastian was alright as well, and he returned the smile but not the laughter, still too groggy to do that. In a few minutes he would be more alert, but for now he was pretty much drifting between completely alert and on the cusp of falling back asleep.

"How long are they going to keep me here?" he asked, furrowing his brow at the thought of needing to stay more than a couple days. "Have they told you?"

Sebastian looked up at John, just taking him in and being glad he was here for more than a few moments. 

"You won’t be kept long at all; they know you’re an army doctor and they know I will be there to help." He thought about it for a moment and figured he would be surprised if they kept him in more than a day. 

"As soon as you’re up and moving you will be able to leave, they aren’t real sticklers for things like that as long as you’re fine." Sebastian brought his own hand up to stroke John’s side, the other laying by his side covered in white bandage. 

"At least you can’t be tracked anymore. There was nothing among your things, no trackers or anything. Jim had people go to the flat and check. I’m sorry about all of this, John." He closed his eyes again and listened to the now steadying beat of John’s heart through his chest. 

John was glad that he’d be able to go back home with Sebastian soon, glad that he didn’t have to be stuck here in this hospital-like place with people he didn’t know and didn’t really trust. 

He frowned, though, when Sebastian apologised. “Why are you sorry?” he asked, his hand moving to cup Sebastian’s cheek, to make their eyes meet again. “It’s not your fault. At all. Don’t you dare think that,” he said, his eyes flashing in defiance. “It’s my fault for not thinking about getting a new phone, for not even thinking about Mycroft at all. So don’t…” He shook his head, looking away for a moment to compose himself. Bloody medication.

"You’ve been nothing but amazing to me since I showed up, and you have literally nothing to apologise for. Except maybe for spoiling me, but I know that you won’t be sorry about that," he teased, his lips quirking up in a smile.

"Firstly I am never going to stop spoiling you, so get used to it, but I should have known about the phone, I should have kept you safe and I didn’t." Sebastian took a deep breath and forced himself to look at John. He really could have lost him today, and it was only hitting him now. During the attack, he could only focus on getting them out of there, the same as any of the situations where jobs had gone sour. Get them out and get them patched up, but a few inches and John could have died instead of simply bleeding from his arm. 

He paused for a moment and tried to imagine going back to his flat and seeing John’s things and knowing he wouldn’t be coming back to collect them and his breath caught in his throat. 

"I should have kept you safe." He blamed the sudden rush of emotions entirely on the painkillers, but he knew it was something more. His voice was raw and thick with feeling - he hadn’t heard himself sound like that in years - and he had to bite his lip to stop the swell in his chest that felt like it would rip him open. 

"I - did… this is my fault." His voice trailed off in a whisper and he turned his head so his forehead was resting on John’s stomach, hiding his face and feeling hot wetness of tears momentarily drip onto John’s t-shirt. 

John was more than shocked to see Sebastian like this. Strong, able Sebastian who always kept a level head and a cocky attitude. “Oh, love,” John whispered, sitting up and pulling Sebastian close to him with his good arm. 

"Shh," he whispered, kissing the top of his head, rubbing his hand over his shoulders. "It’s okay, love, it’s alright. I’m here and so are you. Everything’s going to be okay, yeah? We’ll get back to the flat and I’ll rest up a few days, and then everything will be back to normal."

He continued to press kisses to Sebastian’s head, down to his temple. “You’re okay,” he breathed, still holding him tight. “It’s just a flesh wound, yeah? It’ll be two weeks max before I can use it properly, but that’s better than a broken bone.”

Sebastian just let John pull him close, too exhausted to do anything but go with the motion. Too exhausted to pull himself together, and just letting it all out in front of John. Of course, he would probably be mortified about this later on but he didn’t care. He had almost lost John. 

"The wound will be fine John, but you - I, you could have been killed." He couldn’t stop thinking about it, so many other places that bullet could have hit and it wouldn’t have been a warm solid John in his arms but a lifeless body. 

"I could have lost you; you would have been gone and it would have been on me." He grasped John’s t-shirt with the hand that had been stroking his side and didn’t let go. 

"I - fuck, I’m going to have Mycroft’s neck for this." Hot tears still escaped from his eyes no matter how hard he tried to stem them, and he buried his face into John’s chest, sitting there in silence. 

"Hush, Seb, shh," John whispered, rocking them slowly, not arguing with him but instead holding him steady. "You’re alright, love. I’m not dead, I’m here. No matter what could have happened, it didn’t, okay? That’s what’s important."

He lightly put his fingers under Sebastian’s chin and tilted his head up, waiting until their eyes met and then locked. “I love you, Sebastian Moran. Not matter what.” He brushed away some tears with his thumb, smiling softly down at him. “And I do not blame you at all for this, okay? Not at all.”

He leant down, pressing their lips together and humming. Slowly, he licked his way inside; his left hand came up and cupped Seb’s other cheek, holding him steady while they kissed. 

Sebastian looked to John’s eyes for a moment before he was closing them again and letting himself be taken over by the kiss. He sighed at the heady sensation of John’s lips and tongue against his own and he finally loosened the grip on John’s t-shirt. 

He moved his hand so he could mirror John’s actions and cup the blonde’s jaw. He slowly started to feel some relief as John kissed him and he felt himself starting to relax again, reminding himself repeatedly that John was still here as they explored each other’s mouths. He tried to show John how much he loved him through the actions since he couldn’t access the words.

They eventually parted and Sebastian offered John a small smile.

"You have to tell me as soon as you can get up and walk somewhat; I just want to us go home."

John smiled, comforted, because that was what he did. “To be completely honest, if you help me, I could probably walk right now,” he said, kissing Seb softly on the lips and humming again. “I’m already sitting, which is probably ill-advised, but whatever.”

He kissed Sebastian again and again, just chaste kisses, but it felt good after what had happened to just touch their lips together. “Would you like to go home, my love?” he asked, his voice low and practically a purr.

"Are you really sure you will be alright getting there? Because I would love to go home, I think someone went and got my car for me and I’m good to drive." Despite his answer Sebastian still didn’t move for what must have been about a minute, this day had quite possibly been one of the most surreal things he had ever experienced. 

Sebastian eventually moved and stood right next to John’s bed, ready to help him sit up properly. It wasn’t too difficult, the other man only really sluggish from the painkillers. Once John’s feet were on the floor as he sat on the bed Sebastian fetched his shoes and put them on for him, saving any unnecessary movement of his arm. 

"Right, come on then. Let’s get home." He pulled John’s good arm over his shoulders, having to lean down quite a bit so he could support him properly. He laughed as he paused to pick up their bag. They started walking out of the building, John surprisingly steady on his feet, but Sebastian was unwilling to let go. 

John snorted at the fact that their bag of sex toys had survived the bloody shootout and was still there with them. “God, we’re fucking ridiculous,” he muttered, shaking his head and grinning. 

They were stopped at the door by a man in a lab coat who handed John a bottle of painkillers. “Every four hours, as needed,” he instructed, and John nodded. He had already known, but he knew that this was the man’s job.

Then they finally, finally left the building. “I call the bed as soon as we get home,” he said, wincing a little as he jostled his arm getting in the car. “Need something with a bit of sugar in it. Jelly, maybe. Or ice cream, since I never did get my cone,” he teased, resting his head against the seat and closing his eyes.

"I know, how rude of them to interrupt when we were obviously getting ice cream." Sebastian laughed slightly as he slid into the car and started the engine. His arm was sore but it wasn’t so bad that he couldn’t drive, so he pulled out and started to drive to the flat, taking a small detour and parking outside of a supermarket.

"Won’t be a moment." Sebastian went in and got John a tub of cookie dough Ben and Jerry’s - well, they fucking deserved it - and a small case of beer. He came back out and put the things straight in the boot before driving home, perhaps a little faster than necessary. He audibly sighed in relief as they pulled up to his apartment building and he told John to stay put while he took everything out of the car and took it to the flat before coming back to help John.

He smiled and shook his head as he saw John was already out of the car and walking towards him; he locked the car from where he was and went to wrap an arm around John’s waist.

"Hmm nearly there."

John laughed lightly when he was caught by Sebastian. “I can walk on my own, love,” he teased, shaking his head but otherwise giving no physical complaint. “It’s my arm that’s been shot, not my leg.” Nevertheless, he liked being this close to Sebastian, being able to smell him and feel his warmth and security. 

John felt safest when he was with Sebastian, he was noticing. He knew Seb always had an eye on him, and he was extremely glad for it. 

Eventually they made their way up the elevator and into the flat. “Leave me be,” John teased, shoving away from Sebastian and walking on his own. “I’m fine. You go… do whatever. I’m going to change and get myself to bed.”

Sebastian grinned as John pushed him away when they got into the flat.

"Fine, fine, I will be through in a moment." He walked into the kitchen and filled the fridge with the beer he had bought before grabbing two bowls. He split the ice cream evenly between them and took them into the room to find John lying on the bed. He handed John the ice cream and placed his own on the bedside table before getting in next to John and picking up his bowl.

"Y’know I’m still really pissed we didn’t get our ice cream until now." He laughed quietly before starting to eat, humming, almost moaning at the sweetness. Okay so he had a bit of a sweet tooth but he didn’t care, this ice cream was amazing.

"Well, I appreciate you getting it now, at least," John said, smiling around his spoonful of ice cream. "Been a while since I’ve had any." He brought his knees up so that he could balance the bowl better, eating with his right hand to give his left a rest. 

He leant over against Sebastian, resting his head on his shoulder. “I love you,” he whispered, his eyes closing. God, he was tired. So fucking tired. “I really do,” he murmured, lifting his chin and bringing up his hand to cup Seb’s cheek, guiding their lips together. 

When he had first met Seb, if someone had told him that the man could manage a short term relationship, let alone actually  _love_  someone, John probably would have scoffed and turned away. Around anyone else, Sebastian was hard as a rock and struck like a viper. But not around him, not when John was involved. 

"I’m kind of pissed. I was really looking forward to having sex tonight," he teased, as if they hadn’t had  _enough_  sex lately.

Sebastian smiled into the kiss before laughing at Johns comment. "Oh, trust me baby, I was looking forward to it as well." He placed his bowl on the bedside table and traced his fingertips over the side of Johns face.

"Though I’m sure a break wouldn’t be so bad. I mean, I don’t think I have ever had that much sex in that time frame." He kissed John on the nose before grinning at him. "But, I suppose that’s what I get for being with an insatiable slut like you hmm?’ He leaned in to kiss him again, snaking his tongue into John’s mouth and tasting the sweetness on John’s tongue before pulling away.

John groaned into the kiss, whining softly when it ended. “Don’t know how you expect me to not want you, honestly. You’re irresistible.”

He leaned away again to his side of the bed so that he could finish his ice cream, and then he laid down on his back, knowing that he should be resting. “You don’t need to stay with me, you know. I’m a big boy. I can handle myself if you have to go somewhere.”

He had a feeling that, after this morning, Jim was going to send someone after either Mycroft or his men. He also had a feeling that Seb would be one of the ones who would be sent out.

"I know you can, baby, I just don’t actually want to leave, though I should probably check." Sebastian leaned out of the bed to grab his jeans since his phone was in the pocket. He had Jim on speed dial and the call went through straight away, which was to be expected.

"What’s the plan of action boss?… Right… Yeah. I thought you would be waiting because of the brother… Yes I get that… Straight up job? Sure, got it." He rolled out of bed and pulled his jeans back on and shrugged his shoulders at John.

"Looks like I am needed after all; I shouldn’t be long, it’s a simple enough job." He grabbed his jacket; he would have to get everything else on the way to the car.

"Seems Sherlock was actually giving his brother hell for trying to hurt you. Anyway, get some rest and I will be back soon."

John nodded, a bit surprised, actually, that Sherlock had defended him. “Be careful, love,” John murmured, smiling softly at Sebastian as he watched him walk from the room. 

As soon as he heard the front door close, he stood up, taking their bowls into the kitchen and rinsing them off. He grabbed the bottle of painkillers from his pocket then and took one, swallowing it down with some water.

When he finally returned to the bedroom, it was with heavy muscles and tired eyes. And finally, finally, after staring at the ceiling for twenty minutes, he convinced his mind to go to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are the best and come find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	16. Chapter 16

Sebastian was exhausted. That was the most tightly planned mission he had ever had to do, and he was glad it was over. He might have been on the verge of passing out but he still had a small smile on his lips from the sight of the shot hitting its mark and Mycroft falling to the floor. He would definitely never forget it.

He finally reached the apartment and still had the decency to enter quietly in case he disturbed John. He walked into the room and smiled as he saw John dead to the world, snoring softly.  
He stripped off his dirty clothes and left them on floor before getting into the bed rather ungracefully and closing his eyes. Within moments, he was completely passed out, the exhaustion having finally caught up.

~

John awoke in the morning to a warm body wrapped around him. He smiled, resting his hand over Sebastian’s, which was resting on his stomach, and squeezing it, feeling Seb’s fingers squeeze lightly back in response. 

Humming softly, he turned his head to look at Sebastian, smiling to himself at how smoothed over his features were. He looked peaceful, the way he should be. 

"I love you," he whispered, lacing their fingers together and turning his smile to the ceiling. His Sebastian. They belonged to each other now, despite the fact that they technically belonged to Jim. He didn’t care. Seb was his, and he was Seb’s. 

Sebastian still didn’t open his eyes when John shifted. He heard the quiet words and, keeping his eyes closed, he smiled softly. 

"Mornin’ my soldier boy." He kept his eyes closed, more than ready to go back to sleep but he knew if he did then he would simply end up over tired. "Mmm, how’s your arm? You doing okay?" He pressed himself closer to John, seeking out more warmth but being careful not to jostle them too much. 

John hummed, feeling content to just lie there. “I’m fine,” he said softly, smiling to himself, his hand moving up and into Seb’s hair. “How are you? Is your arm okay? It didn’t start bleeding again, did it?” he asked, concerned but not overly.

"Good, m’glad your fine." Sebastian yawned and then had to refrain from opening his eyes just so he could roll them at John’s fussing.

"It feels fine, don’t know about the bleeding, haven’t opened my eyes yet." He hummed in contentment as John kissed his forehead and after a few moments forced his eyes open and looking straight at John.

John shifted a little so that he was sort of on his side, letting him get a better look at Sebastian. “I love you. Good morning.” He leant forward and kissed his forehead.

"You love saying that, don’t you, that you love me?" He couldn’t help the stupid smile that graced his face when he mentioned it; it was obvious to anyone that John was completely besotted and he really couldn’t have been luckier.

"I don’t think I will ever truly understand why you do, but gods, I love to hear it." He moved forward and kissed John chastely before looking down at his arm. A couple of spots were red where the wounds had started bleeding again but it didn’t look too major.

John followed Sebastian’s gaze down, smirking and shaking his head in exasperation when he saw the blood. “God, Seb,” he murmured, pulling his chin up so that he could kiss him proper.

"I love you," he breathed, this time in more of a tease than anything else. He chuckled, slowly sitting up. He rolled his neck, hearing it pop a couple times. "God, I hate sleeping on my back all night. I’m getting too old for this shit," he grumbled, standing up.

Stretching his back as well, he eventually moved out of the room to grabbed the med kit. “Sit up. Let me take a look at you,” he said, pulling out some alcohol and some cotton balls, as well as some clean bandages.

"Fuck off John, you aren’t old. I will tell you when you’re old." He grinned at the man before reluctantly sitting up himself, moving to the edge of the bed so John could get at his arm. 

"Yes, doctor." He waited for John to return with the med kit and held out his arm so John could clean and change the dressing. He winced a few times as John cleaned the cuts, for some reason it always hurt more cleaning them than actually getting them. 

He flexed his hand a bit when the new bandage was on and smiled at John. "Thank you doctor, do I get something for being really good?" He feigned his best expression of innocence and looked up at John, trying not to smirk. "A lolly, perhaps?" 

John grinned, slowly packing up the med kit and setting it on the floor. “Only if you’re good for a little while longer,” he whispered, pushing Sebastian back against the bed and moving over him. 

He straddled Seb’s hips, careful not to jostle his arm at all as he leant down and kissed him, first slowly, and then more feverishly. He felt like devouring the man before him, but he figured that he could settle for a kiss. 

Rocking his hips, he found Sebastian just as hard as he was, and he grinned, pulling back to look down at him. “Do you want that lolly now?” he asked, a bit breathless. Smirking, he leant down and whispered in Seb’s ear, “If you do it well, I’ll let you cum on my face.”

He had a possession kink. It was one of the reasons why he loved Sebastian kissing him in public, holding his hand, leaving bruises on his neck. He wanted this.

Sebastian groaned deeply as John kissed him. He supported John by his good arm as he leaned over him. He groaned lightly as John moved his hips and he looked up at John with heat in his eyes as the man pulled back. 

John’s words sent a shot of arousal through him and made his cock twitched at the thought. 

"Fucking hell, John, are you trying to kill me?" Sebastian used his other hand, being mindful of John’s arm, to grind John’s hips down again. He kissed John again, this time with more force before pushing John back slightly and smirking. 

"We do have to be careful with your arm though, I mean it would makes sense if you were on your knees. Purely for your own good of course."

John snorted, running his fingers up Sebastian’s chest, smirking at him as he pulled up his shirt, spending quite a bit of time looking at his chest and skin and scars. 

"Would you like me on the floor, Colonel?" he asked, tilting his head and taking on a sultry tone. "Or would you rather do this all on the bed. The floor gets rather hard on a person’s knees, though I can’t imagine you wanting to stand up on the bed to paint my face in your cum," he said, flicking his eyes up to lock with Sebastian’s.

Sebastian took less than a few moments to figure out what he was going to do. He gently pushed John off him,

"Stand up." He made sure John was standing next to the bed and he stood next to John. He pulled him in for a gentle kiss before helping him off with his t-shirt. Sebastian dropped the shirt to the floor before grabbing a pillow from the bed and dropping it to the floor.

He sat on the edge of the bed in front of the pillow and smiled up at John.

"On your knees, baby."

John happily knelt, putting his hand on Sebastian’s thigh to balance himself as he lowered down to the floor. He leaned in then and nuzzled against the bulge in Seb’s pants. He slowly mouthed at it, breathing hot air and licking it through the fabric. 

"Can I have a taste, Daddy?" he asked softly, still mostly focused on making the material as damp as possible. "Please. Daddy I want to taste you."

He shifted closer, looking up at Sebastian with wide, innocent eyes, sucking lightly at his cock through the fabric. God, he was completely insatiable, but Sebastian was addicting, and so were the dynamics of the relationship.

Sebastian swore quietly as John started to mouth through his pants and he thanked whatever higher power was listening for the fact he wasn’t wearing any other clothing. 

"Gods John, of course, anything you want." Sebastian lifted his hips slightly and used his good arm to lean on the bed and he pulled down the pants with his other. He pushed them down to his ankles and spread his legs so John could settle between them. He laid one of his hands to rest on the back of John’s neck, not quite completely controlling but letting John know that he could take complete control if he wanted. 

"Go on then baby, taste as much as you like." He pulled John forward until his lips were millimetres away from his straining cock before the started to scratch his nails lightly along the back of John’s neck. 

John groaned, licking his lips before he licked long strokes up Sebastian’s cock, humming in the back of his throat at how fucking good he tasted. When he reached the head, he parted his lips and took Seb into his mouth past the glans, still just tasting, lightly suckling and lapping at the pre-cum beading at the slit.

He felt Seb’s fingers tighten, and he moaned, taking him further, still focusing on licking, using his tongue as much as possible and adding suction when he thought it was necessary. 

Slowly, he worked his way down, pacing himself and occasionally coming up for air, until he finally reached the bottom, swallowing around Sebastian’s cock once he was completely seated.

"Oh John, you’re so good for me. So good." Sebastian’s voice was already slightly hoarse and he was desperately trying not to rock his hips upwards. He could tell John was more than getting off on this, and that in turn was arousing him even more. 

John pulled off almost immediately, sucking down air and licking his lips, clearing them of saliva. "You taste good, Daddy," he whispered, licking from base to tip again before opening his mouth for more.

Sebastian watched with dark eyes as John pulled back and licked his lips, almost growling in his throat as John moved forward and took him in his mouth again. 

"Fuck, such a good boy. Taking it all like that." When he brought himself to loosen his grip on John, he stroked through his hair, almost petting him before gripping the strands again and guiding John’s head. 

John moaned around Sebastian’s cock, letting Sebastian guide his head,  _wanting_  him to. Fuck, it was so good, so perfect.

He took him down again, swallowing and sucking and bobbing his head fractionally before he pulled back, and Sebastian let him. As he caught his breath, he studied Seb, watched his face and the tension in his shoulders. 

"You want to fuck my mouth, Daddy?" he asked, forcing it out as a question, when in fact he knew it was a statement of fact. "You want to make me gag around your big cock?" He moved his mouth back to Seb’s prick, pressing open-mouthed kisses along it, maintaining eye contact while he did.

Sebastian could barely nod as he watched intently as John mouthed at his cock, obviously waiting for some kind of answer. The fact John was looking at him with lust filled eyes wasn’t helping him form a coherent thought at all and he had to take a breath to steady himself. 

"Ah, yes John. Fuck, baby, want to feel you choking on it." Sebastian practically wrenched John’s head back before he stood up, the back of his legs resting against the bed and he kept his hold on John’s hair.

"I can tell how desperate you are for it too, wanting to feel me using that pretty little mouth of yours. Gods, John, you’re such a cock slut." He pulled John’s head forward and pressed his cock between his lips, forcing himself into the blonde’s mouth. 

He forced as much in as John could handle and more, hearing John choking and spluttering around him nearly making him shake with need. He eventually pulled back slightly only to start fucking John’s mouth in the most unforgiving way.

"Fucking look at you, you’re so hungry for it. I could have everyone I know around here come and use you like the slut you are but you would still want more." He saw tears starting to form in John’s eyes and he pushed his cock in his mouth and held it there when John struggled for breath, admiring the fact the tear filled eyes looked even bluer. Sebastian finally let John breathe again before going back to his unforgiving pace. 

John groaned at every word, every derogatory phrase, because it was true, all of it was true. Even if they were surrounded by people, even if Sebastian was sharing him, he would still crave more. He wouldn’t give a fuck, so long as Sebastian thought it was okay, and Sebastian remained in control.

He struggled for breath, pulling back just to be forced down by Seb’s hand, and fuck he loved it. He knew that Sebastian was watchful, that he would never let him hurt himself, and that made him love it even more.

His own cock was straining behind his pants, and he was desperate for release, but he was too intent on getting his mouth fucked to much care. 

He kept his eyes on Sebastian, watching him so that he knew when he was getting close, letting him know when he could make the suction stronger, when he should wriggle his tongue and let out a hum so that Seb could feel it.

Despite the way Sebastian was using John’s mouth, he could still feel it when John added to the brutal pace with the laving of a tongue over his shaft or suction when he was pulling out. He had also been watching John intently when he had spoken, watching his reactions and the way he shifted, the way John’s eyes widened made him grin.

"You’d fucking love it wouldn’t you? Me using your mouth while someone fucks into your tight hole. Them gripping your hips hard as I pull your hair. But I bet it still wouldn’t compare to being fucked by me." Sebastian started to feel to coil of heat in his stomach, but willed it back that bit longer, still intent on using John’s mouth more. His pace was erratic now, but the sounds of John choking around him and the tears on his face spurred him on.

"You would probably beg for more if it wasn’t me, do you think you could take more John? Do you think you could take two men using that hole of yours?" The look on John’s face alone was enough to suddenly and violently tip him over the edge and he held John’s head as he filled John’s throat with his cum with a deep moan.

"Fuck. John, baby."

John choked as Sebastian held his head, filling him with his cum, but he forced himself to swallow, not wanting any of it to go to waste. He finally pulled off with a gasp, spluttering, coughing, and choking, his hand going up to his throat as he rocked back on his heels and bent forward, sucking down air like the lifelike it was.

"Shit," he gasped, his eyes closing for a moment while his breathing steadied out. "Oh, fuck, Seb. God…" He looked back up at him with wide eyes, tears spilling down his cheeks. "You going to keep good on that, or was that all talk?" he asked, sounding like the cock slut he was, but he really couldn’t have cared less. He was hard and aching and still just kneeling on the floor, less than half of Sebastian’s height.

Sebastian let John catch his breath, stroking through his hair as he did so before smiling at John’s question.

"Oh I can make good on it if you want, but you should know I’m very possessive and would have to thoroughly mark you before and after." Sebastian admitted to himself that he had always been a generally possessive person, but this was something else. 

He turned the man around and stripped him of his pants before pulling him back down so John was sitting in his lap, his back pressed against Sebastian’s chest.   
He wrapped one arm around John’s waist and wrapped a hand firmly around John’s shaft, the skin was nearly burning hot against his palm and he rubbed his thumb over the head, the pre-cum practically dripping from his cock.

"I got you baby. You were so well behaved for me, would you behave for anyone else? Or is it just your daddy, hmm?" He started to move his hand in a steady rhythm, resting his forehead on John’s back and loving the way John was squirming slightly in his lap.

The thought of being thoroughly marked by Sebastian more than once set John’s skin on fire, and he had a hard time sitting still once he was in Seb’s lap. 

"F-fuck," he gasped, reaching around with his good arm to cup the back of Sebastian’s head, his fingers pushing into his blond hair. "Oh-oh… just you, Daddy. O-only you," he choked out, wanting to close his eyes, toss his head back, something, but he just had to keep watching Sebastian’s hand sliding over his cock.

He whined, his fingers tightening in Sebastian’s hair. “Daddy please. Can I cum, Daddy? I want to cum. Shit… oh god,” he groaned, fighting it back as Seb’s thumb brushed over his head again, making his hips jump forward.

Sebastian ignored John’s pleas for a few moments longer, massaging he sensitive skin of the head with his thumb before stroking firmly up the shaft again and he picked back up with his steady pace. John was practically squirming in his lap now, and he relished the feel of John trying to find some kind of purchase on his hair as he was worked by Sebastian’s hand.

"Go on then baby, cum for me." He kissed the back of John’s neck before biting down right at the nape just as he felt the tremors of climax start to race through John’s body. He bit down harder as he felt John’s cock twitch and soon there was wet warmth on his hand but he kept it moving for a few moments longer, teasing John’s now over-sensitive prick.

John cried out as he came, choking on the sharp noise and eventually falling silent, his body shaking with tremors from the force of his orgasm, the intensity still spiked as Sebastian bit him and kept his hand moving. 

Sebastian slowly licked over the spot he had bitten down on, very nearly breaking the skin and it would definitely leave a lovely bruise. He pulled John back so he was pressed flush against Sebastian’s chest and pressed soft kisses to the side of his neck.

"You’re perfect baby. So perfect."

When all of the contact finally stopped, John sagged, glad for Sebastian’s arms around him, glad for Sebastian in general. He wished that he could reply, say anything, but no words came. He just tilted his head lazily to the side, his eyes closed as Seb’s lips wandered over his neck. 

God, he was going to hate himself in a few hours once the euphoria wore off and he was left with sore muscles and a throbbing arm, but right now, he was content to sit in the bliss of the moment. 

"Mmm love you," he whispered, finally finding his voice again, though his was scratchy from everything. God, he was so perfectly fucked. 

Sebastian took a breath. He kissed John’s neck again and steeled himself.

"You too." It wasn’t exactly I love you but it was the closest he had ever came. John knew; he would know how important it was that Sebastian had replied in that way. 

He moved John slowly, sliding the man off his lap and wiping his hand on his own pants before throwing them across the floor. He could sort it out later but now he was intent on lying back in bed with John.

Sebastian practically crawled under the quilt, and as soon as John joined him he pulled him close, their naked bodies pressed together and he sighed in contentment before repeating his previous statement, this time in a whisper.

"You too."

John smiled, pleased that Sebastian had come this far. He knew that it was a big step, that it was important and prominent and that he should be screaming with joy. But he wouldn’t do that. 

Instead he hummed contently, closing his eyes and settling into the bed. “I’ll make lunch later,” he whispered, though he had a feeling that his mind would change as soon as he woke up. “Some sort of pasta, maybe,” he thought, thinking of spaghetti and basil penne and lasagne, warm tea to wash it down.

He thought of Sebastian sitting beside him, smiling and laughing and saying  _'I love you'_  and leaning over to kiss him. 

With that thought on his mind, he fell asleep.

Sebastian watched as John closed his eyes and murmured something about making lunch later on but he could tell the man was still tired, the induced drowsiness from the painkillers wouldn’t be helping any either. 

He smiled as he heard John’s breath steady out into that of sleep and he stroked his shoulder softly, watching the way his chest would rise and fall with each breath. 

He lowered his voice so it was barely audible, so he wouldn’t disturb John. "I’m sorry I can’t say it just yet. I’m so sorry." He kissed John lightly on the top of his head and proceeded to watch him sleep. Sebastian was far from tired now, he had slept more than usual and he wouldn’t be surprised if he had trouble sleeping tonight. Hopefully the painkillers would knock him out, but that was probably wishful thinking.

But for now, he was content to lie there and wait as John slept, not wanting to disturb him, happy he was at least getting some rest now after the incredibly eventful past few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are the best and come find us on tumblr at johnsblog.co.vu and pitzandperverts.tumblr.com :)


	17. Chapter 17

John jolted awake with a yelp of pain after accidentally moving his bad arm in a rather painful way. He hissed, sitting up and resting his hand lightly over the wound, closing his eyes as he willed away most of the pain.

"Damn. Been a while," he muttered, thinking back on the hell it had been for him to sleep with the shoulder wound. Shaking his head, he slowly got to his feet, not giving a damn about how naked he was. He knew Sebastian was awake, could hear him shifting on the bed behind him as he watched over. John ignored it for the moment and left the room.

Still mindful of his arm, he walked to the kitchen and tipped back another painkiller with some water, moving over to the kettle once he had swallowed. He shivered as he got two mugs down, taking out some honey to put in his tea.

Sebastian was loath to admit that he actually got a bit of a fright when John jolted awake and he sat up, ready to ask if John was okay before he spoke first. He could tell by his tone that he didn’t want to be fussed over in this instance so he simply sat up and watched as John left the room. He also may have unashamedly watched his arse as he walked out.

He heard the kettle being turned on and managed to drag himself out of the bed and walk into the kitchen. He walked up behind John and wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing the back of his neck.

"You need the bandages changed?" He kissed his neck again and moved away, grabbing one of his cigarettes and lighting it up, watching as John prepared tea.

"If I do, I can change them," John said, pouring them both mugs of tea, adding honey to his own and then setting Seb’s down on the counter beside him.

"You not gonna let me help then? Doctors are always the most stubborn."

John took a sip of tea before setting it down and reaching across Seb, grabbing the pack of cigarettes. He took one, lighted it, and took a long deep breath of smoke, closing his eyes as he exhaled. “Fucking hell,” he whispered, taking another sip of tea followed by another drag of the cigarette.

Sebastian offered a small smile before he frowned as John took his packed of cigs and took one, placing it between his lips and lighting it up. He tasted his tea, the small taste of the hot drink already warming him through before he looked intently at John.

Looking over, John caught sight of Sebastian watching him, and he sighed, shaking his head. “Sorry. Bad dream,” he murmured, shrugging his shoulders and dragging hard on the fag.

"You don’t have to tell me about it, as long as you are some modicum of alright." Sebastian knew exactly how it was, especially with the dreams, they could affect people more than they were willing to let on. Luckily he hadn’t had one too recently; he didn’t particularly want to be around John when he did. Not because he lashed out, or had hurt anyone due to them but because he always woke up sweating and  _scared._

"You especially have to let me know if you aren’t alright because I will have to go and buy more cigs if you are going to keep stealing them." He offered another small smile and smoked the rest of his cigarette in silence, just giving John a bit of time.

John managed a smile, finishing off the cigarette and putting the butt in the ashtray. “Cigarettes are disgusting,” he said, repeating his normal mantra. “I won’t be taking any more, promise,” he said, sliding over and leaning against Sebastian, his head resting on his shoulder.

"I don’t know what’s going on with me," he said softly, staring at a spot in space, not really focused on anything. "I don’t know if it’s stress or just the environment change or if it’s because we’ve not been doing much or if it’s because we’ve been doing too much. I don’t know. I wish I did. I might be able to make all these fucking symptoms go away," he muttered, sipping his tea.

The hot liquid was making him forget about how chilly it was out of bed with no clothes on, and Sebastian’s body heat was helping, too, but remembering how bare he was helped him to snap back to himself.

Shaking his head, he went back to the bedroom with his tea, leaving Sebastian yet again to stare after him.

Sebastian smiled at John’s exclamation regarding cigarettes and relaxed slightly when John leaned against him. He simply let John talk, it wasn’t much but it was more than he was expecting concerning John’s current state. He just felt completely fucking useless; he didn’t know what to do that could possibly help, or even if there was anything he could do.

He took another mouthful of tea, leaving his mug on the bench before walking slowly to the bedroom door, but he paused outside. He couldn’t tell if John wanted to be alone, the way he had left the room this morning and just now certainly suggested that he did. But Sebastian knew that it was completely shit to be alone in such a situation and he was torn between walking into the bedroom or walking away.

After a few long moments of internal debate he figured he could go in and get some clothes to gauge John’s reaction. He walked into the bedroom and very nearly held his breath as he pulled on some clothes, picking up the dirty ones off the floor as he did so.

John looked up from where he had been sitting staring at his folded hands in his now clothed lap. He watched Sebastian for a moment before he cleared his throat and patted the bed beside him.

"I know that look," he murmured, one side of his mouth twitching up. "I don’t want to be alone, love. May as well come take a seat."

Sebastian let out a sigh of relief and threw the dirty clothes in the hamper before walking over to John. Instead of sitting next to him where John had patted, he climbed onto the bed and sat behind John, moving his legs so John was sitting between them and let his arms wrap carefully around John and held him lightly against his chest.

"I didn’t know what to do, I’m sorry. I feel completely fucking useless and I just want you to be okay." He rested his forehead on John’s shoulder, making sure it was on the opposite side of the injured arm and taking in a deep breath.

"I feel fucking horrible for uprooting you and dragging you into this, I want to fix it and I don’t know if I can. You have been hurt, you were fucking shot for god’s sake, and it’s on me." He took a steadying breath again, inhaling the scent of John and letting the breath go slowly before continuing. Despite how frustrated he was, he just sounded defeated. "I think the worst thing is that I wouldn’t change a fucking thing because you’re here now."

John made a small noise when Sebastian was done speaking. He mulled the words over in his mind, thinking on them, making sure that what he was going to say next would come out the way he wanted to.

"Sebastian… god, love, stop kicking yourself in the arse," he murmured, leaning back against him. "I wouldn’t change anything either, alright? I swear to fucking god, if I could change anything it would be so that I could have met you sooner. I’ll get better. I just need time. Maybe I need to start taking my medication again for a while."

He sighed, tipping his head so that it rested against Seb’s. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving. I don’t give a damn if you blame yourself every time I get injured, because lord knows I’ll do the same for you. I just need some time so that my mind can sort out this shit that’s going on.”

Sebastian shifted slightly so he could kiss John’s skin softly, letting John’s words sink in. He still felt completely useless but it couldn’t be more obvious that John wanted - needed - this just as much as him.

"Take all the time you need, if you need your medication I can drive you to get it, or I could pick it up myself." He stroked his fingertips softly over John’s stomach, playing with the skin. Everything was soft. The touches were beyond gentle; it was something they probably both needed.

"I just want you to be okay, you’re so important to me John. So fucking important, you’re everything." He fell into a slightly pensive silence, keeping his hands moving over John’s torso and breathing in the smell that was entirely John.

John smiled softly, catching Sebastian’s hand and pulling it up to his lips, kissing gently over each of his knuckles. “You’re the only person…” he lost his voice and tried again. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding stupid. But you… you fit. I hate to say that you complete me, but you do. We’ve both got our problems and we’re both pretty fucked in the head, but Christ, I wouldn’t be with anyone else.”

He turned around a bit and cupped his palm over Sebastian’s cheek, looking up at him intently. “Okay?” he murmured, leaning up to kiss him softly, tenderly, humming when Sebastian kissed him back. 

"Besides. You’re supposed to be earning the privilege of being my daddy out in public as well as in bed. Maybe we should start small, and you can order me around in the house, yeah?" he teased, grinning as he nipped Seb’s lower lip, then snuggled against him, resting his head on his shoulder.

Sebastian smiled as John nipped at his lip and he held him that slight bit tighter when John rested his head on his shoulder, as if he was wary of letting go. He kissed the top of John’s head before lacing his voice with feigned shock.

"Earning the privilege? Why should I have to earn it if you love it just as much, hmm? It’s hardly a hardship for you." He rested his head against John’s, and though he would never ever admit it, something akin to a slight giggle bubble past his lips.

"We are a fucking mess, it’s bloody ridiculous." He sat there for a few moments, still smiling and thinking of nothing in particular before he thought of his and John’s dynamic. It would be so disconcertingly strange to anyone else, but it was how they worked; John needed it and so did Sebastian.

"I’m certainly not going to complain about getting to order you around the house, but unfortunately for you one of your first orders will be to make sure you get enough rest and make sure that arm heals up nicely." He kissed the top of John’s head again before closing his eyes and leaning forward against John.

John nodded, snuggling up in Sebastian’s arms as if it was the safe haven in a world fully of storms. “I figured as much. It’s alright,” he whispered, closing his eyes and heaving a breath.

"Wake me up a bit later, yeah? Painkillers are dragging me down," he murmured, his head getting heavier, his muscles relaxing. His lips parted as if to say something else, but the thought was quickly lost to him as he fell into sleep.

Sebastian managed to move back without disturbing John, laying him down on the bed so he wouldn’t hurt his injured arm before covering him with the quilt. 

Since John was likely to be out again for a while, Sebastian took the opportunity to clean the place up, get some clothes in the wash and make the place look a bit more presentable. He was only used to it being him, so he didn’t have to tidy up as much because he very rarely made a mess but with John there he had been plenty distracted.

He had closed the bedroom door on his way out so he could at least risk putting the radio on as he got some things done around the apartment. Sometimes he would sing along quietly, his voice soft and gravelly, to keep himself amused as he worked his way through the boring but necessary tasks.

~

John awoke nearly an hour later to the sound of music. He sat up slowly, smiling when he recognised the tune and the low voice singing along with it. He didn’t think that Sebastian would ever stop surprising him.

With a bit of difficulty, John swung out of bed and padded barefoot from the room and down the hall, leaning against the wall to watch his lover with a soft smile on his face.

Once the song had ended, John moved forward, letting his presence be known to the sniper by making his footfalls a little heavier. “You have a nice voice,” he said, catching Seb’s hand and pulling him close. “Can you dance as well?”

Sebastian didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when he heard John walk over and realised that John must have heard him singing. He smiled when John told him he had a nice voice and squeezed his hand lightly, shaking his head slightly.

"It’s alright, I mean I don’t know but I definitely can’t dance." He pulled John into a soft kiss, happy that John seemed at least slightly better.

"And by can’t I mean both can’t and won’t." Though he knew he could, he really had to be in the mood, so he generally told people he couldn’t. Sebastian laughed softly at the thought of him dancing before kissing John again. Everything was still soft and tender and it was actually nice. It was different but so nice.

John smiled softly, leaning into the kiss, enjoying how tender it was. He liked being rough and forceful, but he liked when Sebastian was soft and gentle with him as well. 

"Well that’s good, because I can’t dance either," he teased, stepping away after a moment to go into the kitchen and make up a pot of coffee. He knew it was a bit late in the day for coffee, but he didn’t really care. Coffee was good and strong and warm, and he knew he needed to keep something in his stomach for the medication to keep working.

"The flat looks nice when it’s clean," he joked, stepping out into the living room again to give Seb a wide smile.

Sebastian laughed at John’s comment and shook his head again slightly,

"The flat was clean when you first got here, I think it’s your fault that the flats a mess." He half stuck his tongue out at John before quickly finishing tidying up the table in the lounge and giving the room one last once over and nodding to himself.

"Don’t worry; you will get to do your fair share of cleaning when your arm is healed." He could, in all fairness, hire a cleaner, but he preferred to do things himself; he knew what he liked and it was better than wasting money on someone that didn’t. 

He walked over to John and pulled him close again, stealing another languid kiss before the coffee would be ready. Then he walked with John back into the kitchen area. He picked up his packet of cigarettes and took one for himself before lighting it and fixing John with a stare as he put the packet back down.

"No." He tried to give John a serious look, which was completely negated by the grin on his face and he moved to make coffee for the both of them.

John laughed loudly, shoving Sebastian with his good arm as he went to go fix the coffee. “I wasn’t going to, you great git,” he said, taking a sip from his mug and humming softly.

"So, what are we going to do for the rest of the day?" he asked, glancing over at Seb. "Have another lie-in? We seem to do that a lot." He didn’t like feeling useless, but with his arm the way it was, he was going to be bed-ridden for a couple weeks, and then after that he was going to have to work on rebuilding what muscle he could so that he could work his arm properly. 

"Ugh, for once I’m actually sick of bed, can we at least migrate to the sofa?" Sebastian sipped his own coffee, loving the way the taste mingled with the taste of smoke.

"Plus we can get the blankets and quilt from the spare room, watch some films." He smiled at the thought. He felt like they were acting like children because there wasn’t much else they could do.

"Though you might have to stop me from building a fort." He laughed at the idea; it would have to be a pretty big fort for him to fit in now and he shook his head, still laughing lightly. He took another couple of drags from his cigarette and faced John.

"Look I’m getting off topic, any movies you might want to watch?"

John smiled at Sebastian, walking over and leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I think you’re sweet,” he whispered, as if it was a secret that only they could know. 

He leant back a little at the question, though, grinning sheepishly and looking away. “I like the Bond films. Since I was a kid, I’ve loved them. All of the versions, honestly.”

He set his coffee aside, reaching over to take Seb’s free hand. 


	18. Chapter 18

Sebastian had never watched so many movies in his life. Of course, he had been out on a few jobs since he hadn’t been injured really, it had only been a few cuts, but whenever he was in the apartment with John there wasn’t much else they could do, so movies it was. 

Turns out that Sebastian rather enjoyed the Bond films, but he was still more of fan of horrors, and, though he would never admit it, now and then he liked the odd animated movie.

Now though, he was finally giving John’s arm one last check. The wound itself had healed nicely, the skin was still rather pink and slightly sensitive but he was sure in another few days John would be able to start building back any muscle tone he had lost due to the inaction.

"Well, it seems you’re very nearly all healed up. ‘Bout time too." He smiled at John, who was sitting on the bed with Sebastian kneeling in front of him and looking at his arm.

"I mean don’t get me wrong, I love movies but there are so many better things to be doing." He looked up and John with a raised eyebrow and a small smirk on his lips.

"Oh?" John asked, a teasing lilt to his voice. He had been bored out of his mind sitting around the flat like this, more so than he had let Sebastian see. He needed stimulation, and without it he felt like he was wasting away.

He leant forward, pressing a soft kiss to Seb’s lips. He knew that he needed another couple of days before he could start exercising again, but for now, he could still do physical activity.

"What better things are you thinking about, Daddy?" he asked quietly, his lips still brushing over Sebastian’s.

Sebastian returned John’s kiss, not deepening it or pressing forward just yet but instead pulling away and sitting on the bed next to John, pulling the man into his lap. 

This time, he did deepen the kiss, making sure John was sitting at an angle so he could turn and capture his lips before licking his way into John’s mouth. He caught John’s bottom lip between his teeth before he pulled away, his hand running up and down his back, as if he was praising him silently for the kiss.

"I think first and foremost someone needs to show how much they appreciate Daddy looking after them all of this time. To show them how thankful they are for everything Daddy has done, hmm?" He tilted his head forward, kissing over John’s neck, using a light grip on his hair to tilt his head back so he could have better access. 

It felt as if it had been forever since they had done this, so as eager as Sebastian was, he was going to let John control how this actually went despite his… position.

"So how do you want to say thank you, John?" He paused only to speak and then continued with his ministrations over John’s neck as he waited for a reply.

Chills of pleasure ran down John’s spine, and he chased the kisses with some of his own, whimpering softly as Sebastian held him. 

"I’ll do whatever you want, Daddy," he promised softly, closing his eyes when he felt teeth scrape over his jugular. "I’ll be a good little whore for you. You can use my mouth or my body or both if you wanna," he murmured, turning his head to kiss Seb again. 

He mind went to the multitude of toys they had bought, and his stomach clenched with excitement. “How do you want me, Daddy?”

"Hmm." Sebastian trailed his hand over John’s back and down his side before teasing just above the waistband of his pants. 

"I want you on your knees in the centre of the bed, face down on the mattress and arse up nice and ready for me." He licked along John’s lower lip and brought his hand back up to play with the short hair at the nape of John’s neck.

"But first, I want you to be a good boy go and get that bag from the wardrobe and bring it here." He kissed John lightly again before moving his lips to his ear, flicking his tongue out over the lobe lightly before shoving at John lightly so he had to move from his lap. 

"When you bring the bag over place it at my feet and strip." His voice was slightly firmer now and he licked his lips in anticipation, staring right at John as he did so. 

John impulsively licked his lips as well, nodding briskly before he moved over to the wardrobe. He had no idea what was going to happen, which toy or toys Seb was going to use on him. He didn’t know really anything about what was going on, except that something was going to be used from the bag, John was going to be vulnerable, and Sebastian was going to be completely in control.

The thought of what was to come made John shiver with pleasure.

He quickly retrieved the bag and walked it back over to Seb, setting it down as requested and then stripping, folding his clothes because it was just becoming second nature. Sebastian liked the flat to be clean, and John liked to behave in a disciplinary manner.

As soon as he was naked, John met Sebastian’s eyes and nodded, then stepped past him and got onto the bed, getting into the position that Seb wanted him in. He was reminded of the last time he was in this position, when Seb had had a rough day and had taken it out on John. He closed his eyes, hoping beyond hope that this was going to be a lot like that.

Sebastian smiled as John folded his clothes properly and got into position on the bed. He was so willing and obedient for him and the thought alone made his cock twitch. Sebastian moved himself so he was now kneeling on the bed next to John. He ran a hand over John’s back and let his fingertips trail over every inch of skin before moving to his arse and squeezing lightly.

"Oh, you’re such a good boy, presented to me like that to say thank you." He teased his fingers over John’s perineum before cupping his sac lightly, rubbing the flesh softly before moving away and rubbing his hand gently over John’s thigh. He kept his movements carful and controlled, taking the time to just look as he decided what he would be doing. He was fairly certain John had choose a whip among the things, he would soon find out because he was going to empty the contents on the floor so he could pick them up quietly so John didn’t know what coming.

"But first, I think you need to be punished, baby. Not being able to do anything for Daddy for so long, being unable to help. So I think thanking me can come later but first you need to be shown how sorry you should be." Sebastian moved from the bed and emptied the bag onto the floor, smiling at the choice he had but he wanted to gauge how much John needed this before he actually chose what to use.

"How sorry are you baby? Tell me what you’ve done wrong."

John frowned, glad that his face was turned away from Sebastian so that he couldn’t see his expression. Seb had ordered him, before, to do nothing but lie around and take it easy. He would have helped his daddy if he had been asked to or if he thought he could.

"I’m sorry, Daddy, but I didn’t do anything that you didn’t tell me to," he said, knowing as he said it that he was going to get punished for it, because that was the game they were playing right now. "You told me to take it easy, so I did. I would have thanked you a lot if I had known I could."

There was logic in his argument, he knew, and therefor Sebastian was going to have to think up something clever to still be able to punish John. But that didn’t take away the fact that John was still going to get punished.

The thought made his blood sing with need.

"I told you to take it easy baby, I told you to get healed up. I never told you to do nothing, oh there are so many things you can do with the use of one arm." Sebastian picked up the length of silky rope, making sure his movements would give nothing away as he made sure the plug, lube and one of the cock rings were in easy reach, as well as the whip. 

"You surprised me with your lack of initiative John, though I do have to say your argument seems fair." Sebastian was still fully dressed as he started to move around John with the soft rope and he started looping it around John’s knees, spreading his legs a bit further before he looped it around his elbows. He wouldn’t use the cuffs just yet, not until John’s arm was one hundred percent. 

Once he had the rope looped carefully around John’s elbows, Sebastian linked them to his knees, forcing his arse further in the air and making him extremely vulnerable and unable to move. His legs were parted obscenely and his cock hung thick between them.

John whined, feeling off-balance and exposed. He felt like he could fall over with one small push, though he knew that, with his knees spread like that, he was actually pretty stable. 

Sebastian smiled and reached for the cock ring, putting it on John. 

"We certainly can’t have this being too quick." He grabbed the bottle of lube with one hand and the plug with his other, placing it on the bed next to him as he slicked his fingers. He pressed one into John’s exposed hole, moving slowly and giving him nothing more than the one finger fucking him excruciatingly slowly.

"So John, do you think you’re right? Do you think you have done nothing wrong?" 

He let out a shaky breath when Seb pushed a single finger into him, and he squirmed, his muscles clenching around the intrusion. Opening his mouth, he tried for words, tried to make something come out of his vocal cords, but his train of thought evaporated when Seb’s finger lightly brushed his prostate.

"I-I don’t know, Daddy," he said a bit unsteadily. "I don’t know. I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, but I don’t know. Have I been bad?" He had noticed over the course of the last weeks, as he healed and as Sebastian became a more dominant, directing figure in his life, John had started to take on a smaller, submissive role. He refused to act like a little kid, but, especially in instances like this one, it was really difficult to have a level debate with Seb. He really didn’t want to, if he was honest with himself.

"You could have been better baby, you could have been better." Sebastian very slowly added another finger and momentarily rubbed over John’s prostate once more before returning to his previous slowly rhythm, watching the way John’s hips tried to move against his fingers. 

He did of course have to take it slow since John hadn’t been prepared in such a way for a while, but he was definitely going slower than necessary. He scissored open his fingers, watching John stretch around them before eventually adding another and meeting a small bit of resistance. 

"But if I simply let you get away with it, if I go easy on you, who’s to say you won’t start and misbehave more?" He started to move his fingers faster now, the three fingers pumping inside of him and occasionally curling and brushing over his prostate. 

"I don’t want to hurt you more than is necessary, baby." Sebastian looked at the plug John had picked up and at its widest point was thicker than Sebastian himself so he scissored his fingers again before removing them. 

John’s breath started coming faster the more fingers Seb added. He whined and closed his eyes, living for every bit of pleasure he got from his prostate, but it was over far too soon. 

Sebastian grinned before quickly licking over John’s perineum then liberally covered the plug in lubrication and slowly working it into John, watching the way it stretched him before just the base was visible. 

John gasped as the plug almost immediately replaced Seb’s fingers, and his toes curled as the stretch became more and more, almost too much, and then relaxed. He felt so full. So fucking full. It almost hurt, and every small shiver pushed pressure onto his prostate. 

"There’s a good boy, taking that for Daddy. Now, I want you to count out loud okay? Only up to ten, but if you falter, I will add two more." With that, Sebastian picked up the beautifully made whip and stood at the side of the bed before anchoring his weight and bringing the first lash down over John’s arse.

John heard Sebastian talking, saying something about counting, but he was too focused on the mass inside of him to give it much thought. So he cried out from shock when something hit his arse, leaving a sharp sting behind. Reflexively, he breathed out a quick “one,” hoping that that was what Seb had been wanting from him.

He closed his eyes as the next blow came down, and the next after that. The counting kept him grounded, kept him from drifting off and replacing what was happening with something that had occurred in another life.

There wasn’t a set rhythm to the hits. Some were in quick succession, others had large gaps between them. But after seven, his arse was sore and felt raw, and he buried his race in the duvet to keep his whimpers to a minimum. “Eight,” he gasped as the next blow landed, and he rocked away from the pressure.

Sebastian continually murmured to John as he counted, telling him how he was so good for keeping track and also how he was being taught a lesson. He delivered two more hits, one over the small of John’s back and the other over the back of his thighs.   
The ten he heard from John was barely discernible but there nonetheless, Sebastian laid the whip back down on the floor. He had been careful to not break the skin but still leave angry red welts in its wake. 

He ran a large hand over the inflamed skin, and used his other to shift the plug inside of John, twisting and moving it slightly while he traced the marks he had left. 

"Do you think you understand what I was trying to say now?" Sebastian occasionally broke the soft touches with scratches over the parts of skin he hadn’t hit. He stopped moving the plug and trailed his fingers down John’s perineum and over his sac. He stopped at the cock ring and tugged at it slightly before rubbing his thumb over the head of John’s weeping prick. 

John whimpered, trying to rock forward into Seb’s touch, but it wasn’t possible with the way he was bound. “Yes, Daddy,” he whispered, his hands relaxing a bit from where they had balled up. “I wasn’t…  _bad_ , but I wasn’t really good to you, either,” he murmured.

He tried not to focus on the light touches that Sebastian was leaving on him, or the way that the plug felt again now that it had been moved around a bit. But his body was in control of his mind now, and it was hard to ignore something like that.

"I’m sorry for not being good, Daddy. Can I make it up to you?" he asked, hoping that Seb would say yes, that he would be able to get some relief soon. His cock ached with need.

"Shh, baby, of course you can, of course you can." He moved his hand from the tip of John’s cock to the ring and worked it off very carefully. He moved his hand softly over John’s length again before moving upwards and slowly working the plug back out of John, his hole gaping ever so slightly due to being held open and very nearly leaking with lubrication. 

"Gonna turn you on your back now baby okay?" He half lifted and half pushed John until he was positioned on his back, the rope holding his knees up and apart keeping him exposed and unable to move except for using his hands to grip his own legs. 

"Oh John, you’re being so good now. I want you to cum while Daddy fucks you, alright?" Sebastian stripped quickly before positioning himself over John, his cock very nearly throbbing with how long he had been waiting. 

He very nearly shouted with how smoothly he slid into John thanks to the plug, and he groaned John’s name as he started moving slowly. He moved his hips, angling himself so he would brush against John’s prostate with every thrust of his hips. 

Sebastian finally wrapped one hand properly around John’s prick, moving it over the shaft in time with his thrusts, the pre-cum practically dripping onto John’s stomach. 

John couldn’t express his gratitude in any way except to whimper. He was glad that he wasn’t on his knees anymore, but with his legs and arms in the same position, it was still a bit uncomfortable. But fuck, did he love it.

He cried out when Sebastian slid into him and started fucking him, being so good, hitting his prostate. John’s already aching cock pulsed, and he felt more pre-cum dripping onto his stomach. He swore, arching into Seb’s touch, nearly sobbing at how wonderful it felt.

"Fuck, I… _Daddy_ ," he moaned, his eyes closing as his body shook and trembled, building higher and higher until he gave a harsh shout and came all over himself, shudders wracking through his body as another wave hit him and he came a little more. 

Sebastian groaned as John continued to shudder beneath him, clenching around his dick as he fucked himself toward climax. He felt the coiling warmth in his abdomen, a quick build from how long it had been and soon his thrusts were becoming sloppy. He felt John twitching beneath him as he continued to thrust into his oversensitive body until he eventually spilled his release, filling John up with hot spurts. 

He remained there, panting heavily until he felt his softening dick slipping out and he pulled back, sitting up on his knees. 

"So good for me, you were such a good boy." He moved to start untying the ropes from around John, letting his legs down carefully and rubbing the skin gently where there had been any chafing. He dropped the rope off the side of the bed and pulled John to him, holding him against his broad chest, and kissed the top of his head. 

"I got you baby." He stroked his hand over John’s hair and back, comforting him, letting him come down slowly. 

John let himself be held, let the heat from Sebastian’s body slowly seep into him, warming his shivering body. He tucked his head against Seb’s neck and shoulder, breathing him in, feeling his pulse moving against his cheek.

"That was… fuck," he murmured, his lips twitching up in a small smile. "Thank you, Daddy," he breathed, his eyes closing, focusing on getting control back into small parts of his body. 

His arse still hurt like a bitch, and the chafing on his knees and elbows were irritating, but right now he felt too good from the flood of endorphins too much mind. He knew he wasn’t actually hurt, and he trusted Sebastian to take care of him. “Love you.”

"You too baby, you too." Sebastian kissed the top of John’s head again before shifting back slightly. "I’m just going to move you one more time, okay?" Sebastian moved off the bed and tugged the quilt down on his side before moving over and using one hand under John’s waist to lift John a little and pulled the quilt out from under John. 

He lay back down right next to John and pulled the now free quilt over them before pulling John back to his chest. 

"There we are, much better." He resumed his movements of stroking through John’s hair and over his back. 

"So lucky to have you baby, so lucky." 

John hummed softly, smiling a little as he nuzzled against Seb’s chest. 

It took a while longer, but eventually he levelled out, settling back down into his normal state of consciousness. He leaned back a bit, hiding a small wince when his sensitive skin brushed against the sheets.

"Some days I feel like I get more out of this than you do," he teased, running his fingers up Sebastian’s chest, playing around one of his nipples. "You’re always so good to me."

Sebastian sighed as John’s hand moved over his chest and teased around his nipple, his own hand stroking softly down John’s side.

"Trust me, we both get just as much out of this; you should never think otherwise." He moved his hand from John’s side and tilted his head up.

"I would do anything for you, I adore getting to be the one who does that, the person who looks after you. So never tell me this relationship is one sided because it most certainly isn’t." His voice had taken on a bit of a firmer, sharper tone as he spoke and he eventually let go of John’s face and ran his hand through the short blonde hair before softening his voice again.

"You just shouldn’t think that baby, it’s not true." He kissed John’s forehead lightly. "I want to be good for you, I want to be good for you as long as you will let me." He ran his thumb over John’s cheek before pulling him back to his chest.

"But if you think there is something wrong, or you want to do something for me, you have to tell me, John. You need to tell me straight away.” He kissed the top of John’s head again and simply lay there, holding _his_ John.

John smiled softly, nuzzling close to Sebastian’s chest, feeling lighter and happier than he had in weeks, maybe months, maybe forever. “Yes, sir,” he murmured, letting out another soft breath. 

After resting for a little bit longer, he pulled away and kissed the tip of Seb’s nose. “I’m going to go make up some lunch,” he murmured, going in for another soft kiss before he stood, pulled on some of Seb’s lounge pants, and headed into the kitchen.

It wasn’t that he particularly wanted to be up and moving right then, it was just that he didn’t want to just lay there in bed. He finally had most of the use of his arm back, and he didn’t want to waste it by just laying around. He wanted to cook something, make himself useful somehow.

Still, though, he was surprised that Seb hadn’t objected.

Sebastian lay there for a moment and watched as John walked out into the kitchen, he rolled onto his back and stretched before getting up himself and pulling on some pants and a t-shirt. He followed John into the kitchen, pausing to kiss the back of his neck before pouring himself a glass of juice and one for John and sliding it over to him. 

"Unfortunately we’re going to have to start hitting the gym again in a few days." Sebastian rolled his eyes; even though it was necessary, he really did not like the gym at all. 

"But on the plus side it means we will finally be getting some proper work." He offered John a small smile as he watched the other man move around the kitchen. He was more than a bit happy that John was taking initiative and starting to do things again, he was far too good for Sebastian but he wasn’t about to complain. 

"Give me a shout if you need anything yeah?" He took his glass and went to the living room, putting on the news to see if anything remotely interesting had happened as he half listened to John moving around in the kitchen. 

John made a small noise to show that he had heard Sebastian, but he didn’t say or do anything. Instead he just kept working, fixing them some pasta, occasionally sipping on his juice, which was usually too sweet for him but now was just right. 

He had half an ear towards the telly and Sebastian, but mostly he was in his own world, working away at getting them some decent food.

Once their plates were dished up, he took them out to the living room and sat down beside Sebastian, following his gaze to the tv where there was talk of an election for someone to replace Mycroft Holmes. 

"They still haven’t done that yet?" he asked, a bit surprised.

As John handed Sebastian his plate, he thanked him and followed John with his eyes as he sat down next to him. He took his fork and took a mouthful of food before turning to John. 

"No, it’s going to take a very long while because they need to figure out who they can trust to be put in a position with that much power." Sebastian took another bite of the pasta and hummed in appreciation before speaking again. 

"Each candidate has to go through rigorous security checks, especially since he has been assassinated and they think that one of the candidates would have done it to take the position from him." He leaned forward and took a drink of his juice, pausing for a moment with a smile on his face.

"Of course we know different."

John chuckled, shaking his head at how cheery Sebastian was today. “Of course we do. So… why doesn’t Jim have one of his men try to take over Mycroft’s position?” he asked, stabbing a couple noodles with his fork and popping them in his mouth.

"I mean," he swallowed, "I get that Jim already has a lot of power in the underground networks and stuff, and I understand that he was already more powerful than Mycroft was and whatever, but… wouldn’t it serve well to have someone try to get into that position?"

Politics had never really been John’s thing. He had started in the army as a captain, and he had been perfectly content to stay there for as long as he could. Once, his major had asked him if he had wanted to step up in rank, but John had shaken his head and asked that the duty be given to someone else. His job was out in the field with his men, not in the tents or back in Kandahar trying to sort out the bloody war. 

"Who said he wasn’t trying to get someone in that position?" Sebastian smiled again and took a few more moments to eat more of his food, chewing thoughtfully before speaking again. 

"Of course Jim already has a lot of ‘connections’. Some you wouldn’t believe, how do you think certain men get into their high ranking positions? It’s because they pay top money and Jim helps things along." He ate a bit more before putting down his plate and taking a drink before turning so he was properly facing John on the sofa. 

"So, we had men under Mycroft regardless, his death just set a few things into motion that we weren’t really planning on." He smiled at John, watching as the blond turned the information over in his mind. 

"Luckily we don’t deal with most of that. I do sometimes, but only if it is necessary. We get to do the dirty work instead."

John practically giggled, shaking his head as he set aside his empty plate and moved over to Sebastian, kissing him softly. “Well,” he murmured, pulling away with a bright look in his eyes, “I’m glad that someone else gets to handle all of that political bullshit,” he teased, nibbling down Sebastian’s jaw, humming to himself as he scraped over stubble.

"God I love it when you don’t shave," he whispered, bringing his hand up to cup Seb’s cheek, holding him steady as he worked over every inch of his jaw and neck, juggling between biting and kissing and rubbing his cheek over the scratchy hairs.

He couldn’t be arsed about the Mycroft dilemma or thinking about work at the moment, because he wasn’t on bed rest any longer, and he could actually move around without worrying about banging up his arm.

Sebastian let his eyes close as John started to move his mouth over his jaw, a small groan leaving his lips every now and then. 

"I am definitely going to keep the stubble if you like it that much." He tilted his head back so John could have easier access and he brought his own hand up and placed it on the back of John’s neck, not doing anything but resting there in a light grip. 

"I’m also sure that this is partly because you can use your arm properly again and are an insatiable cock slut." Sebastian grinned to himself and wondered at just how much their dynamic had developed. He pushed John gently off him and picked up their plates. 

"Stay there, John." He took the plates over to the kitchen, disposing of any of the unfinished food before putting the plates in the dishwasher and walking back over and returning to his seat. He parted his legs slightly and indicated to the floor at his feet, the carpet was plush and it was definitely not uncomfortable. 

"Sit down there baby, you’re going to stay there until you’re allowed to sit on the sofa again. You can rest your head against my leg, facing me or facing away but you aren’t allowed to get up without permission, okay baby?" He really hoped that John would figure out why he was doing this. The way he had started to bite and kiss over Sebastian’s neck, as lovely as it was, he didn’t ask or indicate or even say please before he took action. 

He really hoped to god that his judgement was right, and he watched John carefully. 

John stared at Sebastian for a moment, his brow furrowing as he thought through what was going on. He opened his mouth and then closed it again, slowly lowering himself to the floor. He leant his back against the sofa, staring ahead at the tv.

He was going to have to get used to this new dynamic. He knew that it had been his suggestion, but he hadn’t expected it to be so… much. 

He sat with his back stiff and straight for the first few minutes, then eventually slumped and leant against Seb’s leg. “Sorry Daddy,” he murmured, closing his eyes. He wanted this, so he may as well get used to it. “I didn’t know it was a rule.”

Sebastian watched John move to the floor, and he was tense for more than a few moments, quite clearly figuring everything out, and Sebastian let out a small breath of relief as he leaned against his leg. He moved his hand so he could stroke John’s hair as he sat between his legs, the side of his head resting against Sebastian’s thigh.

"It’s okay baby, you just need to learn is all." He kept his hand moving through John’s hair, keeping a close eye on a John’s body language and relaxing more when he noticed John wasn’t uncomfortable in that position.

"You’ve done so well though, doing as you were told straight away, such a good boy for me." He kept consistently light touches moving through John’s hair and over his neck as he went back to watching TV. 

Some moments were certainly tense for Sebastian within this relationship with his fear of pushing things too far, but it seemed that everything worked between them. Their relationship was solidifying their dynamic and vice versa, he really couldn’t have asked for anymore. His John was perfect.

"Tell me when you’re too uncomfortable okay baby?"

"Alright Daddy," John murmured, letting out a heavy sigh. He focused on Seb’s light touches, trying not to be too much of a pouty child, but it was difficult when he was being scolded for things that he didn’t know weren’t allowed.

Finally, after another handful of minutes stewing over this, he stood up. “Sebastian,” he said forcefully, letting him know that he wasn’t playing right then. “How am I supposed to know what to do and what not to do if we don’t have rules? It’s a big fucking step putting you completely in control, and I need some ground rules if this is going to work, otherwise I’m going to be afraid to do anything in case you see fit to punish me. I need to know these things.”

Sebastian was less than surprised at John’s ‘outburst.” In fact he had been expecting it, and it had let him know exactly what he needed. Of course they had been slowly moving toward that dynamic for a while now but Sebastian needed to know if it was definitely something John wanted.

He needed to gauge his true reaction and not just get an answer to a question. It was clear that this was going to become permanent, that Sebastian wanted this as did John, especially after procuring such a reaction. 

Sebastian stood up from the sofa himself, very nearly towering over John and he looked down and smiled. 

"Good, I needed to know. I couldn’t give you the chance to lie about what you wanted… needed, so I had to do it this way." He placed his hand gently on the side of John’s neck and stroked his thumb over the soft skin just behind his ear. 

"Thank you for letting me know baby. Now, rules." He kept his face soft and the thumb moving over John’s skin, a small thing to let him know the rules wouldn’t be completely over the top. 

"You can touch me whenever you want but if you want anything more than a simple kiss you have to ask, even a ‘please’ would work. You’re not to be touched by anyone except me without my express permission. While we are in the apartment and in the living room assume that you must sit at my feet unless indicated otherwise. You do as I ask, though that is simple enough to grasp." He moved forward and dipped his head down, kissing John’s forehead softly. 

"Everything else, will remain the same, and you remember your safe word right, baby?" He kissed John again, this time on the corner of his mouth. 

"The main thing is, if you have any questions or concerns,  _any at all,_  you have to ask me. Am I clear?"

John’s heart was pounding quickly, and he tried to recall his safe word. Cinnamon? It was cinnamon, right? He had to ask. “I’m pretty sure my safe word is cinnamon? Right? And…” he frowned. "Are we taking this outside of here now? Is this going to happen out there too?" he asked, gesturing to the door and what lay beyond it.

"And what about when we’re working? I don’t want to have to wait to ask you what to do if we’re on a job, because that could get one or both of us killed. And what if it’s Jim? What if Jim touches me? I can’t exactly back away from that and completely deny it. He’ll gut me. Am I supposed to sit at your feet if we eat at the table, too? Because that’s not fair; I’m not a dog. Does the safe word count for when we’re not like actually  _doing_  something? It seems kind of stupid to use it just around here, but what happens if I did? Can I safe word out of the ‘not touching someone?’”

He sighed, closing his eyes. As far as he was concerned, right now, they were equals until he agreed to everything, and he wasn’t going to do that until all of his questions and concerns had been addressed and answered.

"Yes, it’s cinnamon." Sebastian took a deep breath before he spoke, calming himself and John, who spoke slightly too fast, giving away how uncertain he was, so Sebastian spoke slowly. 

"You will only have to sit at my feet in the living area. Everything is completely negated when we are out on a job because the job comes first. Jim won’t touch you unless there is a legitimate reason behind it and I trust him." Sebastian closed some of the space between them so now they were merely inches apart, and he wrapped one arm around John’s waist. 

"As for the safe word, it’s there for a reason and you may use it  _whenever_ you feel the need to. I’m not going to force you to do anything, okay?” He gently kissed John’s lips, the taste sweetened due to the juice and he hummed quietly. 

John relaxed a bit into the touch and the kiss, humming softly as he slowly backed off and let Sebastian take control. 

He pulled back slowly, looking up at Seb with a look of love that was only slightly guarded, letting Seb know that he was still there, still not entirely into the new role yet. “And I can talk to you whenever, yeah? I don’t need to like, do something special? I’m always allowed to speak my mind?”

He thought that the rules were pretty fair, and pretty easy on top of that. He just wanted to make absolutely sure.

"Yes, of course. Like I said, if you want to say anything to me just say it." He moved his arm around John’s waist slightly so his fingertips could dance over the skin there. 

"I never want you keep anything bottled up or hidden. Even if it is the smallest thing, the smallest concern, anything." He eventually removed his arm from John’s waist and moved both hands to grasp John’s wrists. Sebastian sat down on the sofa and gave John a tug so he was pulled down to sit on Sebastian’s lap, which was soon becoming one of Sebastian’s favourite places to see John. He maneuvered him so John was facing Sebastian, straddling his thighs with his knees on the sofa. 

"Everything clear for now, baby?"

John settled in on Sebastian’s lap, looking down at their hands and moving his around so that his palms were pressed against Sebastian’s. “Yes Daddy,” he murmured after a while, looking up at Seb. “I understand now.”

He leant forward, resting his head on Seb’s shoulder, letting out a small breath that huffed against his neck. It was a bit much to take in, thinking about all of this, puzzling it over in his mind. He wasn’t used to it, to being so submissive, but Sebastian seemed to understand, and he was kind and understanding about it. “Thank you,” he whispered, the tips of his middle fingers rubbing gently over Seb’s wrists.

"Anything for you baby." He simply tilted his head back slightly so it was resting against the back of the sofa and let John rest against him, sighing slightly as John’s fingers moved over his wrists. 

"Take the time you need, I can practically hear you thinking about it." He grasped John’s hand and pulled him forward again so he was now completely pressed against Sebastian’s chest but he kept his head tilted back and closed his eyes. One hand held onto John’s while the other found John’s hair and started to stroke through it. 

"You do know that you don’t  _have_ to do anything? You don’t  _have_ to do this. I just want you to be happy. You’re everything John.” 

John smiled softly, nuzzling against Sebastian, just trying to get closer. “So are you,” he whispered, closing his eyes and spending a moment just breathing him in.

"How about we give this a trial run, hmm? Couple weeks. And then at the end, we can decide if we want to keep doing it," he suggested softly, running his free hand over Sebastian’s side, feeling his muscles and the faintest hint of ribs as he did so. "I want to do this, but it may need to be tweaked or something. I don’t know. Hard to say unless we try it, right?"

"Of course some things will end up needing to be discussed, well I would be surprised if they didn’t, but a trial run is the best thing to do." Sebastian tried not to twitch as John’s hand moved over his side, naturally everyone had sensitive skin there, anyone would twitch… He very nearly let out a sigh of relief when John’s hand stopped moving, honestly it was one of those spots where you didn’t know whether to laugh or be turned on. 

"So yes, it will be a trial and we will see how things develop, just let things flow instead of setting a time period." He stilled the hand still playing with John’s hair and cupped the back of his head, pulling him forward until their lips were mere millimetres apart. 

He brushed his own lips against John momentarily and kept him held close. 

"I don’t think I’m going to ever find a word that describes how amazing you are John Watson." 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break but I have (startingwiththeridingcrop) taken over the beta reading and hopefully will be updating regularly!

John shivered, liking the way Sebastian held him so close. “Actions speak louder than words,” John whispered, because he truly believed it. He knew how Seb thought of him, knew what their relationship was.

He leant forward the last millimetre and pressed their lips together, kissing him slowly enough to enjoy it. “Daddy,” he breathed, pulling back in order to catch his breath, “can I touch you, please?” he asked, looking up at Seb for permission, his fingers ghosting over his side again.

He didn’t think he would ever tire of Seb’s body, the way it moved when he was asleep, when he was shooting a gun, when they were having sex, even when they were just lounging on the couch. He had a desperate desire to map him out, to kiss every inch of him and then some. 

Sebastian moved his hands to John’s hips, his grip firm but still light and not overbearing.

"Yes, god yes." He squeezed at John’s hips slightly before using the hold to pull john forward so there was no space between them except the tilt of Sebastian’s head.

"Touch me wherever you like baby." He moved to press another kiss to John’s lips before letting his head fall back again, a pre-emptive sigh already leaving his lips at the thought of sitting there as John simply explored his body and his cock twitched in interest.

"Such a good boy for asking so nicely too, so good." John hummed happily, moving to pull Sebastian’s shirt off, not wanting to waste any time with that. Sebastian lifted his arms so John could get rid of his shirt and placed one hand gently on John’s shoulder and let the other relax by his side so John was free to do what he wanted.  As soon as he was bare, John started exploring.

His hands roamed over Seb’s torso, fingers dipping into the indentations between his muscles. His mouth, though, focused on Seb’s neck and jaw, picking up where he left off by mouthing at his stubble, groaning at the rough feel of it against his tongue.

"Oh, Daddy, you taste really good," he whispered, sliding down Seb’s lap a bit so that he could mouth at his body, laving his tongue over Seb’s nipples, suckling gently on them one at a time.

He worshipped Sebastian’s body, working his way down slowly until he was nestled on the floor between his legs, nuzzling at his hips and mouthing at his cock through his lounge pants.

"Such a pretty mouth John, such a good boy." He moved the hand from John’s shoulder to the top of his head as John moved completely from his lap and knelt between his legs, a low groan coming from his throat as John mouthed at his through the pants and he lifted his hips so they could be pulled off, joining his shirt on the floor. 

"So good for me baby, you do so well." 

John rested his hands on Seb’s body, one on his thigh and the other on his hip as he continued mouthing over the sensitive skin of his lower body. He hummed with the praise, shifting a bit as he tried to contain the energy running through him.

He licked over Sebastian’s balls, sucking one into his mouth and rolling it gently around with his tongue. He hummed as he let it go; moving to mouth at the base of his cock, then took the other into his mouth. He was intent on driving Sebastian insane.

It felt like an age before John took Sebastian into his mouth properly and by then he was throbbing with need and moaned unabashedly loud.

"Fucking hell John, ah!" He tried desperately not to buck up his hips, he could but he didn’t want to, he wanted this, he wanted John to get what he needed.

"Ah gods." His voice was deep and throaty when he felt John’s tongue swirl around the head and he couldn’t stop his hips from moving forward the smallest bit.   
His hand tightened in John’s hair but still not pulling, not controlling him but guiding him as he took him in his mouth. It was very nearly too much but not enough at the same time and he was on the verge of panting,

"Fuck John, you need to slow down or you will be swallowing very soon."

John moaned, pulling off so that he could lap at the head of Sebastian’s cock. He loved this, loved having some control, but not too much. He loved being able to drive Seb so close to the edge, so close to desperation.

"What’s wrong with swallowing?" he asked innocently, looking up at Sebastian slyly through his lashes. After another lick, he took Seb down again, still working slowly, methodically and thoroughly, dragging this out as long as he could.

His hand came up to fondle Seb’s balls, and he ran the pad of his thumb over Sebastian’s perineum. 

The way John looked at him pushed him closer to the edge and as soon as he felt Johns thumb press against his perineum he groaned loudly.  
He didn’t know if he should push his hips down or up to chase the contact and a needy moan rumbled in his chest.

He could feel himself coming apart under John’s ministrations and he let himself lose it slightly. Sebastian’s moans became more frequent, laced with pants and gasps, telling john what a good boy he was and what an amazing mouth he had.

His thighs soon started trembling and his grip tightened in John’s hair was the only warning John got as Sebastian held his head in place as he rather suddenly came, shouting John’s name as he pulsed in his mouth.

John swallowed everything, groaning as he worked his mouth, milking every last drop from Sebastian that he could. He pulled away with a small gasp of breath, filling his lungs before he lapped over Seb’s length, cleaning him off.

"Thank you, Daddy," he murmured, turning his head to nuzzle against the inside of Seb’s thigh. "I love the way you taste." 

He stayed on the floor, waiting for permission to get onto Seb’s lap, knowing that that was their deal now. Instead he rested his cheek on Sebastian’s thigh and looked up at him openly, ignoring the strain in his pants for the moment.

Sebastian sat breathing hard, trying to calm down after what was a more than intense orgasm and it took him a few moments to be able to function properly. He noticed his hand had slipped from John’s hair so he moved it to the other man’s neck and softly stroked the skin.   
It took him a few more moments before he could coherently string a sentence together, then a few more to smirk as he figured out what he was going to do. 

"Go to the room baby and get the lube. Come back, take off your pants, and I want you to lie over my lap arse in the air. Am I clear?" He gave the soft skin another stroke before urging John to go and do as he asked with a gesture of his hand. He was in for it tenfold; he was going to make him come apart with nothing more than his fingers. 

Sebastian could already imagine the sweet sounds he would make as he toyed with him and he wondered how long he could make it last. 

John stood up like he had just been shocked, and he nodded. “Yes sir,” he said, trying to walk calmly as he made his way to the bedroom, rifling through the drawer until he found the lube. He returned to the living room quickly and handed off the bottle to Sebastian, then quickly stripped out of the lounge pants and briefs.

He assessed the way Sebastian was sitting for a moment before he moved to lay across his lap, putting his knees on the sofa so that he could lift up his arse. 

"Like this, Daddy?" he asked, folding his arms on the sofa and resting his chin on them. "Is this okay?"

Sebastian watched intently as John’s stripped off, his cock hard and heavy and a flush across his chest. He followed every single movement as John lay over his lap exactly as he was told and he stroked over the small of John’s back with one hand.

"Exactly like that baby, perfect." Sebastian smiled to himself and moved his hand from John’s back so he could open the bottle John had handed to him.   
He liberally covered two of his fingers in the lubrication and placed the bottle next to him, so it was easy to reach.

"Fuck look at you. You’re so perfect like this." He moved his left hand so it was resting between John’s shoulder blades, almost pinning him down, as his other hand moved slowly over the crease of John’s arse and his fingertips ghosted over his hole. He watched the way John’s body twitched and he teased his fingers over the skin of his entrance, making the pink flesh slick before pushing in one finger.

He moved it slowly, crooking it and rotating it and his other hand absentmindedly stroked over John’s back. He offered John nothing more than that one finger teasing at him, barely filling him up but still giving him the smallest amounts of pleasure when it moved within him. 

After very nearly a full minute of nothing more than that and seeing the way John subtly moved on his lap refraining from begging for more, he eventually added another finger. Once he had done this however he stopped moving them in and out all together, and instead pressing in knuckle deep and every few moments crooking his fingers within John.

"Such a gorgeous arse baby, I wish you could see yourself like this, my fingers deep inside you. Fucking stunning."

It had been hard for John to keep from gasping and keening right away, but now it was nearly impossible. He groaned, burying his flushed face in his arms. Every time Seb’s fingers would curl up and brush his prostate, he jumped, whimpering softly.

"Fuck," he breathed, trying to rock back on Seb’s fingers, but it was nearly impossible with the way he was positioned. 

Eventually,  _finally_ , Sebastian’s fingers started moving again, and John felt like he could breathe, even if it was ragged breaths that he was taking in. He squirmed a bit, panting into his arms. He was already so hard, and fuck he wanted to come so badly.

Sebastian moved his other hand so it was back between John’s shoulder blades, pressing down and holding him in place.

"Oh no, not too soon baby. I know you can take more than that." Sebastian arched his back forward and tilted his head down to lick and nip at the small of John’s back and over the swell of his arse.  
He let his tongue dip into the cleft, rubbing over the skin just above his entrance before moving further down and let his tongue replace his fingers momentarily. He licked at John’s hole, his tongue gliding over the sensitive skin for a few moments before pushing his fingers back in.

"Oh baby you’re such a mess, you’re practically quivering with how much you want more." He loved seeing and hearing John so desperate so he kept his pace the same with only two fingers.   
Every so often brushing over John’s prostate and loving the way he shuddered over his lap.

"D-Daddy," John whined, shaking his head, trying to move but finding himself unable. He wanted,  _needed_ , to come. He’d never felt so bloody hard in his life, he could feel the pre-cum dripping from his cock.

He gasped and arched when Sebastian suddenly attacked his prostate, and then slumped when he drew away, not letting him reach that point. John panted, writhed, and whined, letting Seb know just how much he needed it.

"Daddy please," he groaned, burying his face in his arms again, trying to rock his hips, to get some sort of relief for his aching cock, but he found none. "P-please let me cum."

Sebastian bit his lip at the sound of John begging, it was very nearly music to his ears and he eventually relented.   
He moved his hand from John’s back and withdrew his fingers slicking them again along with a third.

"Since you asked so nicely baby." He pushed three fingers in and immediately started moving them, rubbing over Johns prostate with every movement.   
He could only imagine how over stimulated John must be feeling and he smirked to himself as he kept his fingers moving relentlessly in John.

John cried out, the sharp sound starting muffled and ending with perfect clarity as he raised his head from his arms. His eyes blew wide, and he gasped and moaned, rocking back onto Sebastian’s fingers.

It didn’t take him long at all, with the perfect stretch of three fingers and the constant pressure on his prostate, before he came hard with a sharply moaned curse.

“Oh, oh, Daddy thank you,” he whispered, gasping sharply as the pressure continued for a moment, and then subsided.

He slumped down over the couch and stayed sprawled on Sebastian’s lap, panting for air, trying to regulate his breathing yet again. 

Sebastian pulled his fingers out slowly, after one last touch over John’s prostate just to wring another shudder from the sated man over his lap. He could feel John’s release starting to cool on his thigh but he couldn’t bring himself to care, seeing John like that over hip lap was just too good to complain.   
He stroked his hand through John’s hair, the other stroking over the back of his thighs leaving a slick trail until the lube was wiped off his fingers. He kept his hands moving over John, just stroking over his skin as John came down slowly. 

"You were so good for me, my brilliant John." He sank back into the sofa and sighed in contentment, keeping John over his lap and just simply touching him.   
They would eventually have to move to shower but he couldn’t find it in himself to get up at the moment.

John made a small grunt, acknowledging what Sebastian had said, though he was unable to offer anything more at the moment. Why was sex so exhausting? Why did he always want to curl up and go to sleep afterward? He didn’t know, and he couldn’t give it too much thought at the moment. Though he did suspect that it was because of, at least partially, his age. 

"Daddy?" he asked after a moment, turning his head a small amount to look at Seb. "Can we go shower, please? I feel dirty." He shifted a little on Sebastian’s lap, feeling the lube on the back of his thigh and along the cleft of his arse, and he knew that Seb’s thigh was covered in his cum. 

"Of course baby, let’s get cleaned up." Sebastian shoved at John lightly indicating for him to get up. Both men were rather exhausted but they found the energy to both make it to the shower and Sebastian ushered John in before stepping in himself and turning on the water.   
The water felt amazing on his skin, he could already feel the stickiness washing away, but he was far too tired to stand there for long so he grabbed a cloth.

He lathered it up liberally and started to clean John before himself, making sure he was thoroughly clean before doing the same for him and moving them both under the spray so the suds could be rinsed off.   
He decided their hair could wait and he pulled John out of the shower before wrapping him in a towel and a robe and doing the same.

"There, is that better baby?" He had wrapped them in the robes so even though they were still slightly damp they could get straight into bed and that they did, Sebastian pulled John to him until the other man was practically draped over his chest.

"All good gorgeous?"

John just went along with what Sebastian did, shuffling his feet and leaning into touches, just going with it. He followed behind Sebastian slowly as they went to bed, and he let himself be manhandled onto the bed and over to Sebastian’s side.

"So much better. Thank you," he whispered, resting his head on Seb’s chest, humming softly. "Dunno why I’m so tired. But I am," he whispered, his eyes closing. If Sebastian replied to him, he didn’t hear him, because he was asleep that quickly.

~

He woke up to a hand running through his hair, down his neck, and over his back. He focused on the movement for a bit, thinking that it was Sebastian, but he felt both of Seb’s hands on him, and once that registered with him, he stiffened, his eyes flying open.

"Ohh, the puppy awakes," came a cool voice from over his shoulder, the hand never stopping its exploration of his - thankfully - robed body, making its way back into his hair. 

John looked up at Sebastian, seeing him awake and looking at Jim, watching him carefully. John didn’t speak, afraid to say the wrong thing. He swallowed thickly, though, nervous about the reason Jim was there, and disturbed by the intimate way he was touching him.

Sebastian was more than scowling at Jim, it was the biggest non-verbal back off anyone could give and it was taking all of his effort not to just simply growl at him. 

"Get off him." Jim hand didn’t cease and a smile graced his lips, never reaching his eyes. 

"But tiger, it’s rude not to share." Sebastian tightened his grip around John slightly, the possessiveness and protectiveness bubbling inside him. 

"What do you want  _boss._ " Jim eventually moved his hand from John and Sebastian relaxed a fraction but still remained tense. 

"Just checking up on my favourite employee and his pet." Sebastian physically pulled John away from Jim as he sat down on the bed, as much as he could anyhow but Jim was still incredibly close. 

"So there’s no job?" Sebastian was trying to keep Jim attention from John but apparently that wasn’t happening as he let his hand stroke over John’s cheek as he looked right at Sebastian. 

"Oh yes there is but I can send you the details. Like I said, I just wanted to pop in." 

"Right well now you have popped in you can leave." Jim abruptly stood up and moved around the bed so he could reach Sebastian and tangled a hand in his hair and pulled his head back exposing his neck.   
Jim licked a stripe up Sebastian’s throat slowly before kissing his jaw, 

"Don’t forget tiger, I own you. I own what you own." He lowered his head so his lips were brushing against Sebastian’s ear, his breath hot over the skin and Sebastian had to suppress a shiver. 

"And don’t forget how much you enjoyed it." With that Jim left just as soon as he had arrived and Sebastian took a deep shuddering breath, John didn’t need to see that. John wouldn’t want him now, now he knew. The worst part was Jim was right, he did used to enjoy it and he couldn’t have avoided that unmistakable shiver when Jim was so close. 

John would probably be disgusted and Sebastian felt himself curling in on himself, he couldn’t do without John. He needed him and no one else and now he was bound to leave.

John waited until he heard the front door close before he snuggled up closer to Sebastian. He had heard what Jim had said, and yeah, it bothered him a little, but it didn’t surprise him. 

"I don’t like him," he whispered, wrapping his arms tightly around Sebastian, holding him as much as he was asking to be held. "He creeps me out big time."

He had had a feeling that Jim was possessive almost the first time that they met, and he knew that Jim only thought of him as a pet, but that wasn’t even what bothered him. 

"He’s so bloody cold. Like a snake." He shook his head. "Doesn’t seem very caring. Just possessive." 

He was too awake now to even think about falling asleep, so he didn’t. He nuzzled against Sebastian, humming softly. “I still love you, stupid. Don’t even think that I don’t.”

Sebastian relaxed into John’s hold slightly, closing his eyes and tightening his grip on John. 

"He is but he’s… he helped." Sebastian sighed deeply trying to be as close to John as possible, seeking out as much contact as he could as if it would rid him of thoughts of Jim altogether. 

"He helped me, he gave me this job. He got me out of some things I shouldn’t have been involved with. I wouldn’t be here without him but it’s… It’s hard." Sebastian pulled John on top of his so he was covered by his weight, it was almost comforting.   
"You’re too amazing John, what did I do to deserve you?" He kissed the top of John’s head and tried to shake off the sensations from Jim’s visit, trying to focus on John and nothing else.

"I’m not amazing," John scoffed, nuzzling against Sebastian’s shoulder. "I’m a beat up old army doctor. Nothing special about me," he murmured, pressing kisses over Sebastian’s shoulder. 

"Don’t worry about him, Seb," he said, his voice hushed as he tried to comfort the obviously shaken man below him. "It’s fine. The worst he can do is  _have_  one of us, or both of us, and honestly, if it means that I still get to be yours afterwards, I don’t really care.”

He kept kissing over Sebastian’s skin, erasing the touches that Jim had placed. “We’ve both been through worse, yeah? We can get through this, too.” He teasingly nipped at Seb’s jaw. “Besides. You promised me a threesome at some point,” he chuckled, hoping that Sebastian would find the joke in there as well.

Despite what had happened Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from laughing and it very nearly came out as a snort, 

"Fucking hell John do you just always have sex on the mind?" He smiled as John continued to kiss him, already his spirits had been lifted just by John being there and he couldn’t comprehend how brilliant this man was. 

"If you ever put yourself down like that again though, I will have to take drastic measures." He slapped playfully at John’s arse before kissing his forehead. The next time he spoke his voice was softer, quieter. 

"I - thank you John. Don’t say it’s nothing, just let me say thank you."

John looked up at Sebastian and smiled, his fingers ghosting over his chest, making their way down his side. “You’re welcome, love. You’re very, very welcome.”

He leant up and kissed him softly, and then he pulled away, resting his head once again on Sebastian’s chest. “What time is it?” he asked. “Gotta be late afternoon by now, right?” He didn’t actually care what time it was, he was just trying to change the topic of their conversation.

Sebastian stroked the small of John’s back lightly as he shifted slightly so he could see the clock,

"It’s just gone five." Sebastian shifted again and moved his legs so John was now settled between them and he placed both of his hands on John’s waist slipping under his robe, his thumbs moving softly over the skin.

"What do you want to do this evening baby? Anything you want."   
He so badly wanted to tell John how he felt but he still wasn’t quite there, it was one of the most frustrating things and he let out a huff of breath before kissing John’s head again.   
He wrapped his arms completely around John’s waist, the skin warm, nearly hot, against his arms.

John hummed for a moment, thinking. “I want to get out of the house,” he said softly, breathing slowly as he rested on top of Sebastian. “I know that Jim’s going to send you information on that job, but I want to go for a walk.”

He stared across the room at the wall, listening to the soft sounds of the flat around them. “I miss the air. It’s not winter yet, and I’d like to enjoy the nice weather while we have it,” he said, shrugging.

"Maybe we can pick up some Thai on the way home and eat that before you need to leave."

"A walk would be good, probably be good for us. I don’t know when they job will be, might not be until tomorrow so we might have more time." He kissed John softly before lightly pushing him off so they could both sit up. 

"I can check the details now then we can see what we can do yeah? You never know you might have to come with me." Sebastian reluctantly pulled himself up and went to fetch his laptop sitting back down on the bed and opening up his secure e-mail. Apparently Jim had developed the network himself so it couldn’t be hacked, not even by the best.   
He frowned as he read the most recent e-mail from his boss and looked up at John. 

"The job isn’t until tomorrow." He huffed, it sounded like frustration but he really didn’t know how he felt with being separated from John.   
"It’s just the usual and I will be gone one night." He cleared his throat and looked at John again, 

"It appears Jim also has some work for you, he has given a time and a location and it looks like it will take about one or two nights." 

John frowned when he heard that. “What am I doing? Does it say?” he asked, scooting closer to Sebastian to look at the screen. “I don’t even have a gun yet. It hasn’t arrived,” he murmured, his eyes reading over the words again. “I don’t want to go in there empty handed.”

He looked up at Seb and saw that he was displeased, but he didn’t know why. “What’s got you chewing you lips like that?” he asked, reaching out to take Sebastian’s hand. “It should be pretty typical, right? Someone’s going into something where they need a doctor on standby, yeah?” 

He wasn’t sure if that was exactly how it worked, but he was hoping so. He didn’t want to be caught with his pants down, so to speak.

"It should be, I don’t know I just don’t think, I just don’t really want to be away from you." Sebastian shook his head and laugh despite himself. 

"It will probably be an easy job, you can take anything you need of mine and since you will more than likely be working as a doctor you will have everything else supplied for you."   
He squeezed John’s hand lightly and gave him a smile, he knew he would be alright; he was just worrying for nothing. 

"You will have to leave before me; I can give you a lift to the location tomorrow if you like?" He knew he shouldn’t worry, John could handle himself and he hand no right to be fussing over him. 

"At least we get to have that walk." He smiled at John and stood from the bed, moving over to his wardrobe finding something to put on, mulling things over.

John chuckled, following Sebastian out of bed and over to the wardrobe. “I would appreciate a ride very much,” he said, bumping his elbow into Sebastian’s side as he reached for some clothes.

"Besides, we still get to sleep together tonight, and then we’ll have most of the day tomorrow together. I just won’t be home for a couple days after that," he said, shrugging like it was nothing, but in reality, it bothered him.

"I suppose I ought to double check my army bag, though. Make sure my name’s off of it and that I have everything that I’ll be needing in there." He sighed. It had been years since he had last done a check on that bag. 

"Yeah I suppose that’s true." Sebastian eventually pulled out some clothes and started to get ready, still slightly shaken from earlier but trying to push it all from his mind. 

"If you need anything at all for your bag let me know, I’m sure there will be everything you need lying about." Sebastian gave John a small smile before pulling a jacket from the wardrobe and throwing it on the bed. 

"We can sort all of that out in the morning though." He moved forward and cupped John’s face with both hands, tilting his face up and kissed him softly. 

"Where do you want to go for a walk to then baby?"

John nodded. “I think I’ve got everything. I’m pretty sure I still even have some needles and thread left, so I should be prepared for whatever happens.” 

He shrugged at Seb’s question, tugging on his jacket and stuffing his feet into his shoes. “I don’t really care. We could walk a few streets down and then work our way back in as much of a square as possible. I just need to get out of the house. I’m starting to go crazy in here,” he teased, leaning up to kiss Seb’s chin before he opened the door and went out.

Sebastian followed John out, checking to make sure he had his keys, phone and wallet before closing the door behind him. He stepped quickly to catch up to John, staying silent the couple of minutes it took to exit the building. 

"You know you get given everything you need for the job so you don’t have to worry about supplies." Once they were about part way down the street Sebastian couldn’t stop himself from reacting out and grasping John’s hand, entwining their fingers.   
John’s hand was warm in his, a comforting presence as they continued to walk in amicable silence with John every so subtly leading the way.  

"Yeah, well," John murmured, not wanting to say how much he didn’t really trust anyone except for Sebastian. He was getting paid, and quite well, to be a doctor for a man that didn’t really exist, and he was damned sure not going to fuck it up because he was relying on someone else to get him supplies.

"I’d rather just be reimbursed for the supplies that I buy. At least then I would know for sure that they’re top of the line and usable. Sometimes the best money can buy isn’t the best treatment, and you don’t know that unless you’ve been in the field."

He fell into silence after that, gladly holding Sebastian’s hand, keeping close to him as they walked down the street. 

He hadn’t felt this happy in a long time, despite what had happened only an hour before. He knew that dealing with Jim was going to be part of this job, and so he didn’t say anything. He would just deal with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find us on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com and mxrmor.tumblr.com
> 
> Comments and kudos are the best!


	20. Chapter 20

They must have been walking for a good fifteen minutes in amicable silence before Sebastian decided to pay attention to where they were. He knew the area well and decided they could stop for a few minutes to get a coffee, he felt like he needed it. 

He stopped walking and tugged John’s hand lightly getting him to follow Sebastian this time as he took a different turning. 

"There’s a really nice coffee shop along here, small but nice." They walked for a few more minutes before they stopped outside the shop. It was small, rather mismatched and slightly bohemian but it was usually quiet so they could get a couple of coffees to go with too much of a wait.   
Sebastian led John inside, still holding his hand before stopping behind the one person in front of them at the counter and he turned to John and kissed him lightly, 

"What do you want baby?" 

John smiled softly, kissing Seb back before turning his attention to the surrounding shop. “Just a small black is fine with me,” he said softly. “Something to sip at while we’re walking.”

He looked over at a young couple sitting in a two-top table in the corner, bent close to each other over their steaming coffees. John couldn’t help a small smile, glad that some people got to experience a love like that when they were young. 

He felt his hand tugged as Sebastian stepped them up to the counter, and John heard him order, but he wasn’t really paying too much attention to him or what he was saying. His thoughts were elsewhere at the moment.

Sebastian moved forward and after placing their order he reluctantly let go of John’s hand to pay for their drinks. Once he had sorted his change and shoved his wallet back in his pocket their coffees were already made, they weren’t anything special so he wasn’t really surprised it was that quick and he turned back to John. 

John however seemed to be slightly distant, staring off into space and Sebastian nudged him with his shoulder.

"John? You okay?" Once John’s attention was finally back on him he handed John his coffee and led them outside.  
"You seemed to zone out a bit there what’s up?" John shrugged.

“Nothing much. Just thinking. Guess I didn’t feel like focusing on anything, comes with middle age,” he teased, taking a sip of his coffee, humming as he swallowed.  
"Thanks for the coffee. And for taking the walk with me. I appreciate it," he said, starting down the street again so that they could continue on their way. 

He looked around them, not actually recognising where they were. Sebastian lived in a part of the city that he rarely ventured into, though now, he supposed, since he lived there too, he would have to figure out his way around.

"Are you sure you weren’t just over thinking things again?" Sebastian carried his coffee with one hand and instead of grasping John’s hand again he put his arm around the other man’s shoulders.  

"You need to stop doing that, its fine; it’s all going to be fine." Sebastian leaned over and places a kiss on John’s temple as they continued to walk, it felt as if he was telling himself that more than John but he could at least pretend it was mostly for John’s benefit. 

They settled into silence again, letting their legs carry them, Sebastian nudging them in the right direction every so often until they were about 5 minutes away from their apartment. Their coffee cups discarded some time back. 

They hadn’t really spoken much, but he figured there was no real need to, the silence was hardly uncomfortable and Sebastian only broke the peace when they were back in the flat.   
Before they had a chance to even take off their jackets Sebastian pulled John to him and kissed him thoroughly and unrestrained before pulling back and studying John. 

"Feeling better after a walk baby?" 

John was left breathless and more than a little senseless after the kiss and for a moment he just stood there, one hand on Sebastian’s side to steady himself and he caught his breath and regained his composure. 

"Yeah," he said, nodding and smiling up at Sebastian. "Yeah, I feel better. Thanks Daddy," he said, leaning up on his toes to kiss him chastely before he stripped out of his coat and took off his shoes.

"We didn’t pick up anything on our way home. Do you want me to order some takeaway? Thai or Chinese, maybe?" he offered, walking into the kitchen to fill up a glass of water.

"Hmm Thai sounds good, we do need to stop with the takeouts at some point though. It will do us no good." He laughed lightly before taking off his own jacket and leaving it in the hall. 

"But I do think there is a menu in one of the drawers somewhere." He moved over to the counter, not resisting a small squeeze to John’s arse as he passed him and grabbed his cigarettes.   
He gave John a small grin before lighting one up and inhaling deeply. 

"Order whatever you like, I’m not too fussy." 

John smirked, fishing around for the menu. “You know,” he said, glancing up at Sebastian, “you tease me for constantly thinking about sex, but it’s hard to think of anything else when you go around pinching my arse and looking the way you do,” he teased.

He finally found the menu and pulled it out, looking through the items before he called the number and ordered for them. “We’ve got twenty minutes to waste before it gets here,” he said, pursing his lips and taking a drink of water. 

"I’m going to check my bag," he said, walking from the room and into the bedroom, fishing around in the cupboard until he found the rucksack. Grimacing, he pulled off his name tag. "Sorry," he murmured, pulling of Murray’s and Johnston’s as well. He held the pieces of fabric for a while before he stashed them away somewhere safe, hidden alongside his old gun and his dog tags. 

He slowly went through the process of checking his bag, checking things off in the list in his head, reorganising to make sure everything was in its proper place. 

By the time he was done, the buzzer rang, signalling the arrival of food. He stood and left the room, wiping off his hands on his jeans as he found his way back to the kitchen.

By the time John had went to sort out whatever he may have needed in the room and came back out Sebastian had already paid for the food and brought it in.  
He placed it on the counter and grabbed two plates and some cutlery, taking the food out and putting it on the counter so they could help themselves. He spooned some food onto his own plate, smiling at John before heading to the living room and flicking on the TV as he sat down, plate in one hand.

He smiled warmly when John joined him before taking a few bites of food humming in appreciation.

"Good choice baby." He gave another smile before turning back to his food and paying half attention to the TV.

John, of course, sat at Sebastian’s feet, since he hadn’t been invited to sit on the couch. He leant against his leg, though, and ate slowly, savouring each mouthful. 

He let out a small breath when he was finished, not quite done with what was on his plate. “I don’t wanna leave you for so long,” he whispered, resting his head on Seb’s knee and closing his eyes. 

He hated admitting that he was already so attached to Sebastian that two nights and the day in between was going to be too long to be away from him, but he couldn’t lie to himself, and Seb had the right to know.

Sebastian felt his chest swell with something akin to pride as John as at on the floor by his feet and they ate quiet and contentedly for a while before John broke the silence.   
Sebastian leaned forward and placed his plate on the table before leaning back and running his fingers through John’s hair and he felt the strongest surge off protective affection at the tone in John’s voice.

"I don’t want you to have to go either baby." There was no point in telling him he didn’t really have a choice because that was his job now, it would be stating the obvious and if anything ruin the moment.   
He leaned down this time and took John’s plate from him and put it on the table before manhandling John into his lap so his side was pressed against Sebastian’s chest and his head could rest on his shoulder.

"It won’t be long though, I know you will be fine. If anyone will be fine it is going to be you." He actually believed his words, John was more than amazing and a two day job wasn’t going to be a hardship, it might certainly take some getting used to but he will easily deal with everything thrown at him.

"You’re too perfect to do anything less than amazing."

John snuggled up against Sebastian, but right now it seemed more out of habit and expectation than really needing to. He didn’t mind it; of course, he just thought it seemed like they were still in their honeymoon stage.

"Thanks, Daddy," he murmured, closing his eyes and sighing. "Doesn’t make me want to do it anymore, though."

He rested in Sebastian’s lap for a moment longer before he stood up, gathered their plates, and took them into the kitchen. He decided to do the dishes while he was there, so he flooded the sink with hot water and squirted some soap in there as well. 

John seemed slightly distant when he pulled himself from Sebastian’s lap and took their plates into the kitchen. Sebastian was torn between going to join him or letting him have his own space.   
He eventually settled on an intermediary and stood from the sofa, he could go to the kitchen area to pick up his cigarettes, make sure John was fine then head out to the small balcony for a smoke. 

He moved through to the kitchen area and saw John cleaning up, he grabbed his cigarettes and lighter from the counter and moved up behind him. He placed his free hand on John’s shoulder before kissing the back of his head, 

"I will be on the balcony if you need me. Thank you for cleaning up." He placed another kiss on the back of John’s neck before walking back to through the living room and stepping out onto the balcony and closing the door behind him.   
He lit up a cigarette straight away and leaned his forearms on the balcony railing, leaning over and looking down before focusing his attention back on his cigarette and just watching the world go by. 

He was soon lost in his own head, turning over the events of the past few weeks, just trying to let them truly sink it. It still seemed slightly surreal but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, he had John and that was more than enough. 

When John had finished cleaning, he turned to look at Sebastian through the glass doors, watching him for a long moment before he moved to join him. 

He was silent, leaning against the balcony, facing the opposite way of Sebastian. The late light of dusk was falling around them, casting the shadows of the buildings onto them, sending chills through John as he looked up and saw the dark skies closing together.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" he asked, still looking at the sky. "And don’t say that we can do whatever I want, because that’s not what I want to do."

Sebastian didn’t move when he heard John come out and made no effort to face him when he spoke, his voice more subdued than usual. 

"We need to go pick up your new card, you have a new bank account with money already in. Once we pick up the card you can pick up anything you need or want for the job since you stated it would be more proficient if you bought the supplies yourself." Sebastian realized the cigarette between his fingers was long since finished and he flicked the butt off the balcony before continuing talking. 

"I need to drop by the range to pick up a different scope for my job then I thought we should probably go and grab lunch together then by the time we get back and ready we will have to leave." Sebastian frowned as if there was something else and he nodded to himself when he remembered, 

"We also need to get you a set of keys and a key card for the building since you can’t always use mine. That alright with you?" Sebastian moved so he was standing properly and leaning on the railing with his hands and he watched how dark the sky was getting. 

John nodded slowly, moving the words through his mind so that he knew what was happening. “Yeah, that sounds good,” he said, taking a step to the side to put him closer to Sebastian.

They didn’t say anything else until it was dark outside, and John was the first to talk after that. “Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day for the both of us, I think,” he said, shaking his head and taking Sebastian’s hand.

His mind was already back on Jim, and the possessiveness he had shown to both Sebastian and himself. It made him shiver, thinking about those cold hands on him again. If Jim never touched him again, it would be too soon.

Sebastian squeezed John’s hand lightly, only now noticing the chill that had arrived with the darkness and he nodded leading them both back inside and making sure to lock the balcony doors. 

"Yeah, bed sounds good." He kept his fingers laced with John’s, walking him over to make sure the front door was securely locked before actually heading into the bedroom and finally letting go of John’s hand. 

"I’ll not be a minute baby." He walked into his bathroom and spent a couple of minutes getting sorted for bed taking one last look in the mirror and almost sneering at his reflection he walked back into the bedroom. He nodded in the direction of the bathroom door, 

"All yours." 

Sebastian stripped off so he was just in his underwear, shivering slightly at the cool air before he got into the bed, pulling the quilt over him and sighing as he stretched out. 

John was quick in the bathroom; doing what he needed to do and nothing more before he left. He was glad to be rid of his clothes, and he let out a sigh as he crawled into bed beside Sebastian.

"I hate depression," he whispered, closing his eyes as he pressed up against Seb’s side, his head resting on his chest. "Doubt and anxiety and hopelessness. I hate it."

He knew that they were both suffering a bit of it just now, and he knew that neither of them wanted to talk about it. But it was better to have it out there than to keep it bottled up to the point where they started hating one another. 

Sebastian looped his arm around John’s shoulders and held him close,

"It’s one of the worst things. Especially when you what to change the way you think but it’s impossible to actually do so." He moved his head so he was still lying on his back but facing John.

"At least we don’t have to suffer through by ourselves now, it’s better than nothing." He moved his hand so he could tilt John’s chin up so he was looking at Sebastian, he held John’s gaze for a few very long moments.

"Beautiful." He kissed John slowly, only licking his way into his mouth a few moments after a continuous press of lips. He slowly and languidly explored John’s mouth while his hand stroked gently over his jaw.

John whimpered, moving slowly with Sebastian, letting himself be tasted and explored. He leant a little into the touch, his hand sliding slowly over Sebastian’s chest, fingertips drawing patterns with no real direction.

He finally pulled away, looking up at Sebastian in the dark, the only thing giving relief to his silhouette being the faint light from the streetlamps outside the window. 

"I love you, Sebastian Moran," he said seriously, giving Seb a look that said he wasn’t being submissive at the moment, he was being honest. "I know it hasn’t been long, but I bloody love you. And I want to keep loving you. I want to move past this bloody honeymoon stage and I want to argue with you and stay mad for hours, then make up with rough sex and cuddling. I want to cook with you and for you, and rub your shoulders when you’re stressed. I want you to make me coffee in the mornings because yours is always better. But always, no matter what, I want yours to be the last face I see every night, and the first one I wake up to."

He swallowed, leaning forward to kiss Sebastian again, feeling dampness on his cheeks. “I love you so much. Sometimes I think I’ll explode from it.”

Sebastian’s breath caught in his throat at John’s unexpected small speech. He could hear every nuance in John’s voice that was telling him how honest he was being, how true the words were.   
He moved quickly until he was over John, holding himself above him, caging him in place with his arms.

"Fuck John, we will have all that. We will have all of that and more." He lowered himself down over John and kissed him fiercely; pouring everything he had into it and more.   
He finally pulled back, breathing slightly heavier than he had been before and leaned on one elbow and he raised a hand to wipe away the dampness on John’s cheeks.

"Everything, I want you to have everything. Somehow you ended up with me but I can only promise to try. I will do fucking anything for you John, gorgeous baby, my beautiful John." He lowered himself down again, settling some of his weight on John and nudging slightly so he could lie between John’s legs.   
He kissed John’s jaw and neck with feather light kisses, the totally opposite of the fiery kiss before but there was still the heat between them.

"I know you will," John whispered, wrapping his arms around Sebastian and holding onto him tightly. "I know, Seb, I know." He sniffed, nuzzling into Sebastian’s hair, kissing his temple.

"Just… just stay here tonight. I just want to hold you," he breathed, rubbing his hands over Sebastian’s back, needing to feel useful for something. 

That was the only reason he was looking forward to the job the next night. He’d actually be able to do something, get out of the flat and  _work_. He needed it, but tonight, all he needed was to hold onto his lover and keep him close.

"Where else would I go baby, I’m not going to leave." He let John hold him, he completely relaxed into his touch but making sure he wasn’t leaning all of his weight on John.

"I’m never going to leave; I’m here for anything, anything." He sighed as John’s hands roamed his back and he continued to shower John’s jaw and neck in soft kisses and touches.   
The air was heavy between them, but comfortably so, the tangible air of words already spoken and words not yet said.

"Perfect, my perfect John. Fucking amazing." His voice was now barely a whisper and he kissed along John’s skin between words.

John’s fingertips suddenly dug into Sebastian’s back as he arched back, Seb’s teeth hitting a sensitive spot a little too hard. “Oh, fuck,” he whispered, bending his legs at the knees and holding onto Sebastian’s hips. 

"Easy there, tiger," he teased, his fingers coming up to card through Seb’s hair, tangling in the longer strands. "Your stubble’s ticklish too, just so you know. I’m going to have red skin tomorrow," he chuckled, shaking his head in exasperation.

Sebastian groaned deeply, it was more felt than heard when John’s fingers dug into his back and he kissed his way back up John’s neck before licking and nipping at his lower lip them pulling back. 

"I would say sorry but I’m really not." He smiled down and John before moving back down the bed slightly so his face was pressed against the crook of John’s neck. Sebastian sighed as John’s fingers found his hair and he stroked his fingertips down John’s side. 

"You’re officially not allowed to complain about my stubble, especially since I know how it sets you off." He let the slightly rougher stubble of his chin rub against John’s collarbone lightly before settling back down.   
He soon found himself actually stifling a yawn and he figured he may actually have to get some sleep tonight, especially if he was on a job tomorrow. 

"We should probably sleep, need to be rested for work I guess. G’night baby." He gave John’s skin one more kiss before relaxing and slowly falling into sleep. 

~

The next day was spent solemnly, for the most part. They picked up John’s new card and gave him his bank account information. While they were at it, he was given an ID card to access all of Jim’s facilities, and they made him copies of Sebastian’s keys.

For the last hour, they had been sitting around the flat, migrating from one room to the next, just wasting time. 

John now rechecked the gun Sebastian had given him - a Walther PPQ M2 - and holstered it in his shoulder holster. He was nervous about the job, but he refused to give himself time to think about it. He had rechecked his bag and slung it over his shoulder, and now he zipped up his jacket and waited, hands in his pockets, for Sebastian to get ready so that he could give him a ride to the rendezvous sight.

Sebastian had been, rather unwillingly, ready for the past 20 minutes or so. He must have annoyed John with the checking and double checking but he was hardly going to risk anything happening and so he made sure everything was just so.   
He finally slipped on his shoes, grabbing his own bag and the unassuming case containing his rifle before walking over to John.

"Well, time for work I guess. You’re meeting point is only 20 minutes away, think of me when I have to go all the way to bloody Moscow." Sebastian had finally got the further details of his job and he wasn’t best pleased, couldn’t have been somewhere like Cuba or Hawaii could it?   
He gave John a quick kiss before picking up his own keys and heading out of the apartment, he checked to make sure the door was firmly locked before the went down to Sebastian’s car.

The drive was relatively quiet, they wasn’t really much to say, nothing that would be considered appropriate anyways so he drove in silence and only broke it when they reached John’s meeting point.

"Well here you are." He turned to face John and couldn’t resist leaning over and stealing one last kiss and making it last as long as he could.

"See you soon baby." He watched John leave the car and made sure he went into the building before driving himself to the airport. This was certainly going to be a long couple of days.

John had to force himself not to turn and watch Seb leave, and somehow he managed. He quickly stepped inside of the building, walking further into the lit waiting area, frowning when he saw a desk and a pretty young woman behind it.

"Oh, Dr Watson. You’re expected," she said, standing up and quickly leading the way down a series of halls to a closed door on the right. "It’s unlocked," she said, and then quickly left. 

Still frowning, John opened the door and stepped inside. He closed his eyes in defeat when he saw Jim sitting in a high-backed chair, watching him closely. “Don’t suppose there’s any hope that I’m just early, is there?” he asked, closing the door and setting his back aside. He already had a bad feeling in his gut.

Sebastian had dropped John off barely five minutes ago and he was already slightly on edge, his fingers tapping a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel as he arrived at the airport.   
Of course he didn’t have to go through security and he would be travelling on a private jet so it was not long before he was up in the air and on the way to the job. 

Thoughts of John however kept coming to the forefront of his mind and he had to push them back, it would do no good to be distracted when he was working.   
He opened up the laptop that was always left on the jet and started re-reading any information on the job, he of course knew every last detail but he needed to occupy his mind and focus on something else. Something other than John. 

~

Thankfully Sebastian did manage to reign in his thoughts and the job was an efficient one. Most of his time was of course spent observing and waiting for the right moment but once it was all over he was straight back on the jet to London.

When he did eventually get home the night of the second day the apartment was empty and he shrugged, he was sure John would be fine, Jim just enjoyed making people work for longer than intended. Sebastian immediately went into the room and fell onto the bed, not even bothering to undress or cover himself with the quilt and he was asleep within moments. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated so much and come find up on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com and mxrmor.tumblr.com :)


	21. Chapter 21

John was finally allowed to leave near dawn of his second day there. He fumbled into his clothes, wincing a bit as he did so. He flinched away from the cold hand that ran up into his hair, yanking his head back. 

"You don’t tell Sebastian," Jim threatened, staring hard at him. "Or, well, you can, I don’t really care. But I know you won’t, pet," he said, a grin flashing across his face before he let John go.

John stumbled, quickly catching himself and finishing gathering his things before he fled the building, catching a cab once he was a few streets away.

He got home just as the sun was coming up, and he let himself inside, nearly collapsing once he was past the threshold. He dropped his bag, locked the door behind himself, and walked over to the sofa. 

His muscles and willpower finally gave out on him, and he collapsed on it, shivering as he curled up into a tight, guarded ball and fell asleep.

Sebastian slowly woke up at around 9, rather late for him and he stretched realizing he didn’t even bother to get into bed. He got up and went into the bathroom, cleaning up fairly quickly because all that was on his mind right now was a large mug of coffee and perhaps a cigarette on the balcony, the air might wake him up. 

He yawned as he walked past the living room and paused as he head the occasional snuffling breath of someone sleeping and he smiled as he walked over to see John fast asleep on the sofa. He wanted to wake him up but he thought he should perhaps let him rest a bit longer, he would probably wake up with the smell of the coffee regardless. 

He walked into the kitchen and started making the coffee pulling down a mug for the two of them and tapping his fingers on the counter as he waited for it to be ready. Soon enough two large mugs of coffee were made and he carried them both through to the living room, leaving John’s on the table and heading over to the balcony. 

He opened the door, leaving it open as he stepped outside, holding his coffee with one hand and lighting his cigarette with the other. He hummed in contentment; he loved mornings like this, when he had got a decent amount of sleep after a good job. 

He smiled to himself as he heard the movements of John obviously waking up and hoping he would appreciate the fact Sebastian didn’t disturb him on purpose and even left him coffee. 

John blinked awake, his eyes shifting around him, reaffirming that he was back home before he dared sit up. He looked down at the coffee, but for now he ignored it, standing from the sofa and walking into the bathroom.

He started the shower, and while it was warming he brushed his teeth and shaved. When he stepped inside the shower, the water was scalding, but he left it, quickly grabbing a flannel and the shower gel and rubbing himself raw in an effort to clean himself bone deep. He scrubbed his hair in much the same way, and then he stepped out, wrapping his robe around himself.

By the time he got back to his coffee, Sebastian was inside and sitting on the sofa. John grabbed his coffee from the table and walked over to the armchair, sitting down in it with his knees drawn up to his chest as he slowly sipped on his coffee. He avoided looking at Sebastian; afraid that he would be able to read what had happened if they met gazes.

Sebastian finished his cigarette and flicked it over the balcony, he should probably stop doing that, but he more than likely wouldn’t, before he went back inside. He noticed John was no longer in the living room but he nodded to himself when he heard the shower running and he sat himself down on the sofa and turned on the TV, waiting for John to come back in. 

He was rather eager to see him, he hated to admit it to himself but he missed him more than he thought in the couple of days he was away and he smiled but shook his head at the thought.   
He lifted his head, a smile on his lips when he heard John walk back into the living room but it immediately turned into a frown when John walked back in and sat in the unused armchair and completely ignored him. 

He quickly went over everything in his head and he couldn’t seem to think of anything he could have possibly done for John to be acting like this, so something on the job then? Something had went wrong?   
He got up from his place on the sofa and found himself kneeling in front of John, his hands resting on the armchair but not touching him as he looked up and tried to catch John’s eyes with his own. 

"What happened baby? What’s wrong? Please don’t say nothing, it is obviously something and I just want you to be okay. Did something go wrong on the job?" Sebastian was very nearly panicking but he stayed calm kneeling in front of John, he didn’t want to push him or make anything worse so he waited patiently for a reply.

John turned away and swallowed, shaking his head as he closed his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it, Seb. Please… I want to forget it even happened.”

He held onto his mug with both hands, trying to get any warmth from it that he could. Despite the hot shower, he was freezing, shivering under the robe. He didn’t want Sebastian to notice that, either, but John knew that he was bound to.

He tucked his head down into his knees, trying his damnedest to hide himself. He hoped that Sebastian would let it go. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t want to admit that it had happened at all.

Something significantly worse than what Sebastian had initially thought had must have happened and it seemed that John was trying to retreat into himself. He had never had to deal with something like this in a very long time but something seemed eerily familiar, like he had seen this exact reaction before but couldn’t place where. 

Sebastian stood from his position in front of John and grabbed the blanket that was draped over the back of the sofa and wrapped it around John, trying to not touch him more than necessary. He moved back over to the sofa and sat with his legs tucked underneath him and felt his chest clench at the sight of John sitting like that, 

"John, listen. If you ever need to tell me what happened, if you ever need me to do anything you just have to tell me. You know nothing could change my opinion of you baby, just trust me." Sebastian sighed softly and worried at his bottom lip, he desperately wanted to pull John into his lap and hold him, kiss him until he could think of nothing else but he didn’t want to make things worse. Whatever they were. 

"Just please don’t forget I’m here for you." He had tried to keep his voice level and calm but he couldn’t help the slight waver or the catch in his throat what he started to realize what may have happened. 

John managed to nod, glancing over at Seb for a quick moment. Aside from that, he didn’t move for the next few hours. He was completely withdrawn into himself, fixing everything, sorting through the damage, reasoning with himself.

When he finally blinked himself back into an alert state, Sebastian was no longer on the couch, but John heard him in the kitchen, and the smell of food made his stomach growl. 

He stood slowly, still tender down his legs and across his back, up his arms to his shoulders. Holding in a cringe, he walked carefully into the kitchen, fishing around for the tea then starting up the kettle.

"He likes to hit, and smother," he said softly, keeping his eyes down on the counter. "Though I’m sure you knew that already," he said, not blinking, his hands in fists on the counter.   
  
He continued preparing the food while John made tea, going through the motions and he was surprised when John spoke. The words made Sebastian stop completely and he remembered his own experiences, except it was more than hitting and smothering. There was blood, the sting of a whip and the sharp feeling of teeth breaking his skin. Half of the scars that littered his body were from Jim. 

He cleared his throat and looked to John who had averted his eyes, 

"Was that all he done? Do you need anything to be looked at?" He kept his voice quiet but even, trying to keep things calm. He turned his attention back to the food, it was nearly done and he grabbed two plates nearly dropping one of them but managing to catch it and place it on the counter. 

His thoughts had turned back to his ‘time’ with Jim, the worst part wasn’t what Jim had done, it was that Sebastian had enjoyed it. Every time he thought of it now he felt sick and he tried to push it from his mind, He needed to be okay for John, he just wanted John to be alright.

"If you do need something to be looked at I can call another doctor if you don’t want me to touch you, I know what it’s…well I understand." 

John shook his head, taking a long, slow breath before he spoke. “No, I… it’s all minor. Scabbed up already. Should be fully healed soon,” he said softly, thinking of the lines of cuts down his back, the bruises and scrapes on the rest of his body. 

He glanced over at Sebastian, watching the way he was moving, holding himself. It was obvious that he had gone through the same thing, maybe worse. He knew that Seb had enjoyed it, but he also knew that Seb wasn’t like that with him.

"It’s… okay… Sebastian. You can look me over if you want to," he murmured, reaching out and gently brushing his fingers along Seb’s arm. "I don’t mind touch, I don’t think. Might need time for everything else, though."

Sebastian sighed when John touched his arm, the relief almost overwhelming him and just being able to touch, to have the chance to be close.

"After food, you need to eat first." He let his fingertips touch Johns before moving away and plating up the food.   
He just wanted to hold John and let him know everything would be okay, to softly kiss his hair and whisper sweet nothings to him but first he needed to make sure John ate and he needed to check him over.

"Come on." He picked up both plates and moved back over to the living room and placing John’s on the table so he was free to choose if he wanted to sit near Sebastian or not.   
He sat in his usual place on the sofa and smiled softly at John as he walked over.

John noticed the placement of his plate right away, and he pursed his lips, nodding slowly. He sat beside Seb, a small amount of space between them so that they could eat comfortably. 

He didn’t say anything as they ate, just forced himself to eat slowly so that he didn’t make himself sick. 

"Cinnamon, by the way. For now, at least, I want nothing to do with it," he said softly once he had finished, and he had set his plate aside.

"You didn’t have to tell me that, I know you won’t want to do anything and I’m not going to make you." Sebastian ate the rest of his food in silence, stealing glances at John every so often, feeling ridiculous at how often he was checking on him.   
He waited for John to finish and put his plate down before he took them into the kitchen and filled the sink to wash them. He didn’t hear John follow him and he finally let a quiet broken sob escape him.

He was going to Fucking skin Jim one day, he would pay him back tenfold and he looked forward to the day he saw him choking on his own blood. He took deep breaths to try and calm him, tried to push his frustration to the back of his mind.   
He started to feel the wetness on his face, rare tears borne of frustration and guilt.

John stood up when he heard the sob, and he crept silently into the kitchen, watching Seb for a moment before he stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. 

"It’s okay," he murmured, holding onto him tightly, preventing him from turning around in an effort to see him. 

He buried his face between Seb’s shoulder blades, and he cried quietly there, just holding onto Sebastian and trying to keep them both from falling apart at the seams. 

Sebastian jumped slightly at the contact, not hearing John coming up behind him but he immediately relaxed into the touch.   
He felt John rest his head on his back and he could pretend for a moment that everything was in fact okay, he imagined that John had just thanked him for his meal and would start kissing his neck, he imagined John having to stretch up and reach and it would be okay. But it wasn’t, it was far from okay but maybe he… they, could fix this.   
His voice was almost weak when he spoke, he almost sounded like a broken man and he hated himself for it, he hated Jim for it.

"It’s not okay John. It’s far from okay, he hurt you and I’m going to have his fucking neck for it." He finished up the dishes, going through the motions and dried his hands.

"It could be okay though, we could fix this. We need to fix this; I need you to be okay John." He didn’t move, he leaned against the counter, too scared to turn around in case he inadvertently pushed John away.

"I need you to be okay, I want you to have the world. You’re too brilliant for anything less. You’re perfect to me." Sebastian let his head hang down, staring at his own feet, he just needed his baby back and he wanted Moriarty gone. Sebastian wasn’t important but John was and that was too far.

John sniffed, loosening his hold after a while and pushing on Seb’s sides to get him to turn around. He lifted his head, looking up at Sebastian with guarded and wet eyes. 

"How can we fix this?" he asked, shivering a little. He couldn’t seem to get warm. "He… he…" John closed his eyes and dropped his head until his chin touched his chest. 

Taking a deep breath, John lifted his jumper up in one quick motion and pulled it off tossing it onto the floor. He knew that there were plenty of marks on his front, but there were more on his back, so he slowly turned around. 

"He owns us, Sebastian. How are we supposed to fix this? We can’t do anything about it. He knows where to find us and how to get to us, and I’m pissed about it. But right now…" He was suddenly glad he wasn’t facing Sebastian, because the amount of shame he felt was certainly showing on his face. "Right now I just want to forget about living for a couple days. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until I feel better."

Sebastian took a deep breath as John took off his jumper, he tried to remain calm as he looked over John’s chest and stomach, at the marks there and he couldn’t conceal a gasp when John turned as he saw his back. 

"We can do something, it might take time, we would have to be extremely careful and we might even need help but there has to be a way." Since John was facing away from him he didn’t touch him no matter how much he wanted to, it would startle John and make things worse, he should know. 

"But right now you can do what you want; whatever you need to do that might help." Sebastian stepped out from behind John and stood a few paces in front of him so he could see him. He moved his hand out slowly to John’s shoulder and he lightly nudged him toward the bedroom. 

"Go on, go to bed. I don’t know if you will want me there right now but please if you need anything, no matter what it is, just shout for me." Sebastian tried his damnedest to not let the sadness show on his face. He was going to take Moriarty down himself if he had to, he was going to start figuring out how he could and he would get rid of the bastard once and for all. 

John nodded, a small smile on his lips.

“You can join me later, if you want. I don’t want you sleeping on the couch,” he said, attempting a chuckle. 

"I have another room if you need your space but I’m not going to say no if you’re offering." Sebastian returned his small smile and nodded slightly, urging John to go and get some rest. He desperately wished to join him straight away but he knew how important it was that he gave him a bit of space at the moment. He had been the same, except he had no one else there for him. 

"I will be out here if you need me."

John turned to walk away, but he paused after a couple steps. “Thank you, Seb. Really, I…” He pursed his lips, not knowing what else to say. But he nodded, smiled again, and then left for the bedroom.

He stripped down once he got there, though he pulled on one of Sebastian’s t-shirts and a pair of lounge pants before he crawled under the covers. 

Curling tightly in a ball, John let himself cry, burying his face in the pillow and letting out all of what he’d been feeling since he had arrived at Jim’s two days ago. He sobbed and screamed into the pillow, holding his arms tightly around his waist as if by doing so he could hold himself together. 

He watched John walk into the bedroom before he went to get his laptop, he needed to do some research. For a while he could hear the occasional sob coming from the bedroom and he forced himself to leave John alone so he could get everything out. Eventually, nearly an hour later, John fell asleep, clutching the pillow to his chest, his face still damp with tears.

Soon Sebastian was completely engrossed in his research; his cigarettes next to him and his laptop were all he needed for the next few hours. He didn’t care that he was smoking in the living area he was stressed and it helped him concentrate on finding out what he had to. 

Time started to blur into research, learning everything he could and more between lighting up cigarettes. If Moriarty were to be watching him or tracking his laptop it would simply look like he was working on managing his network like he usually did instead of finding ways to get to Jim himself. 

John woke up near around two in the morning, and he immediately noticed the empty bed beside him. He sat up, quickly scrubbing his cheeks as he looked around the bedroom. Once he was sure he was composed, he stood up and padded from the room. 

"Seb?" he asked blearily, his voice a little scratchy, but he didn’t care. He saw Sebastian on the couch, a smouldering cigarette sitting in an ash tray, a look of intent concentration on his face.

"Come on, love," he whispered, walking over to him and closing the laptop, taking it from his lap and setting it on the table. "It’s time for bed, come on." He put out the cigarette and took Sebastian’s hand, smiling softly as he guided him to his feet.

Sebastian startled slightly when he heard John say his name, a quick glance at the laptop told him it was much later than he anticipated and he rubbed his eyes before looking to John. 

"John?" 

He was a bit disoriented, the research still burning behind his eyes and he furrowed his brow as John closed the laptop and put out the cigarette before taking his hand.

He grasped John’s hand and followed him toward the bedroom, only now realizing how tired he was and it had slowed him down considerably and he was finding it hard to think. The next thing he knew he was in the bedroom and he looked down and realized he was still dressed so he let go on John’s hand and stripped down to his boxers before finding his way to the bed and crawling in. 

He was so tired his eyes were now stinging and he closed them slowly before turning on his side and reaching out for John who hadn’t got into the bed yet. 

"Baby? Want… hold." His voice was mumbled as he had already started to fall asleep and he was drifting between asleep and awake. His thoughts flitting between needing John next to him and everything he had found out with his research. 

"Hush, love," John murmured, his brows furrowed in slight concern as he watched Sebastian. Slowly, he crawled into bed beside him, scooting up close and resting his head on his chest.

Wrapping his arm around him, John stroked gentle circles over Seb’s back, humming quietly to him. “You’re okay, love. Get some sleep. I’ll be right here, I promise,” he murmured closing his eyes and sighing out a small breath of relief. 

He felt Sebastian fall asleep, and within minutes he was drifting off as well.

Sebastian relaxed almost immediately once John had moved in next to him. He heard John say something but he couldn’t quite figure out what and the next thing he knew was darkness.

He noted that he hadn’t moved all night when he finally came around to waking up. The light was pale and watery telling him it was still early and his mind immediately went back to his research.   
He had found out enough to know that they would need help and there was only one person they could ask and it was one of the biggest risks they would have to take.   
He shook his head and slid out of the bed trying not to disturb John and went straight into the bathroom and started running a bath.

He waited for the tub to fill and tried to clear his mind, he needed to try and relax. It would do no good to get worked up at the moment, things were still too raw. The tub eventually filled and he stripped and slid into the water with a sigh and closed his eyes.

They were going to have to ask Sherlock Holmes for help.

~

John didn’t wake up for hours after Sebastian. He wasn’t quite sure what woke him up, but even once he was awake, he didn’t move to get up from the bed. 

He grabbed Sebastian’s pillow and pulled it to his chest, curling up around it, inhaling Seb’s scent from it. Sebastian himself would have been a far better alternative, but John wasn’t going to complain about this either.

When he heard the door open a moment later, he stiffened, still expecting Jim to show up, but it wasn’t their boss, it was Seb, carrying a tray of breakfast. “Morning,” John murmured, slowly releasing Sebastian’s pillow so he could sit up.

"Morning, I didn’t want to disturb you so I let you sleep." Sebastian carried the tray over to John, just scrambled eggs on toast and a large mug of tea.   
He took the mug of tea and put it on the bedside table next to John before handing him the tray and sitting next to him on the bed. 

"I also figured you probably wouldn’t want to get up so…" He gestured to the try and offered John a small smile and watched to make sure he started eating and when he did Sebastian spoke again. 

"I’ve been trying to find a way to get rid of him. It can be done, it might take a while and before we can even start we need to make sure we have more than enough money to live on which shouldn’t be much of a problem at all." Sebastian tilted his head back and rested it against the headboard before sighing deeply. 

"The only thing is we would need help and there’s only one person who could help." He turned to face John again, still talking while john ate his food. 

"I would have given up there but I can’t let Jim get away with that. He can do anything to me, but that was…" His voice caught in his throat and he had to bite his lip to rein everything in before he could speak again and when he did his voice sounded almost broken. 

"It was too far, I - I can’t let that happen again." 

John looked up, a little startled at what Sebastian was saying. “Don’t… don’t say that,” he murmured, setting his food aside and reaching for Seb’s hand. “Don’t say that he could do it to you and it would be okay. Because it wouldn’t be.”

He moved over closer to Sebastian, resting his head on his shoulder. “What’s going to happen once he’s gone? I mean, is the network going to collapse or will someone else take over?” he asked, not really wanting to think about it but knowing that it had to be done.

"And… who do we need help from?"

He squeezed John’s hand lightly and rested his own head against John’s, 

"John he could do anything to me and it would be okay as long as it wasn’t you." He stroked his thumb lightly over the skin of John’s hand, happy enough that John still wanted to be close to him. 

"The network has been built so meticulously it would run for decades without him. There are fail safes and contingency plans, some of which would have to be dismantled before taking him down if we don’t want to go down with him." Sebastian let go of John’s hand and instead wrapped his arm around John’s shoulders and holding him close but keeping his touch relatively light. 

"We need help from Sherlock Holmes." 

John blinked, a bit startled by what Sebastian was saying. “Sherlock? Why?” he asked, tilting his head, though he didn’t turn to look at Sebastian. 

He buried his face in his neck instead, taking a deep, steadying breath. “This is going to be big, isn’t it?” he whispered, wanting to just curl up and disappear for now, to pretend that none of this was happening. He would be happy to ignore it forever if he could.

"Yes, he’s the only person who has the capacity to help, who can get close enough to Moriarty apart from us. I wouldn’t be saying this if it wasn’t necessary." Sebastian stroked John’s hair, trying to comfort him before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

"It’s going to be huge but it has to be done, we just can’t let it go on. Though we don’t have to do anything straight away, you can take as long as you need." He kissed John again before closing his eyes and just letting himself rest against John, simply happy that he was still here.

"It may take me a couple days," John said softly, laying down and tugging Sebastian with him. He didn’t want to be sitting, not until his legs had healed, at least. 

"You can take all the time you need baby." He brought his had up and stroked it softly over John’s cheek and smiling.

He snuggled against Seb, relieved for his presence, not knowing what he would do if he was alone right then. Something pretty bad, he suspected. “I should have my gun in by then, right?” he asked, his fingers circling lazily over Seb’s side and down to his hip.

He would feel better with a gun in his hand that was for sure. And if it was his gun, or a gun identical to it, then he would feel far, far better. 

They were going to need money once this was all over. He had Seb would still have money in their bank accounts from this job that they could transfer off shore without Jim noticing. John could be a surgeon again.

Seb would probably end up being freelance or he would need to tone it down and do something slightly more domestic. Regardless, once the deed was done, they were going to have to disappear for a while.

"I’ve never been to Prague," he said softly, thinking that maybe they could go there for a few months. It wouldn’t be too difficult.

Sebastian relaxed against John as he pulled him down lying right next to him and he sighed at John’s light touches.

"Prague is lovely, you would like it. Perhaps after Prague we could go somewhere really hot, I have always wanted to go to the Caribbean." He smiled at the thought of getting away from all of this with John, it would just take time. They could do it, he was sure.   
The hardest part was probably going to be getting in touch with Sherlock,

"How are we going to contact Sherlock, we would have to do it without alerting Moriarty.” Sebastian looked down and John and shook his head slightly before kissing his forehead.

"But we can think about that later. For now you need to rest."

John sighed. “No one ever said that I couldn’t talk to him ever again,” John said softly. “I could pretend to still be mates with him, pop in and give him a visit,” he said, closing his eyes as he snuggled closer. 

"Doesn’t matter, though. We’ll get it done somehow. I’ll deal with Sherlock, you deal with the money, and we’ll be okay," he murmured.

Shaking his head, John closed his eyes and settled down, trying to relax as Sebastian held him. “I just want this to be over.”

"We can worry about that later thought, we both want it to be over but I just need you to be alright." He had never felt this way about anyone before and it was most definitely the best thing that had ever happened finding John. Of course there were also the bad that came with it but he would take it any day just for this.   
Sebastian still couldn’t quite believe it and despite all that had happened and all he usually couldn’t say, he spoke without having to think.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated and come find us on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com and mxrmor.tumblr.com


	22. Chapter 22

"I love you too," John whispered on reflex before he realised what Sebastian had said. He just laid there for a moment, blinking, before he tightened his arms around Seb and held him tightly. "I love you so much, Seb. Fuck, I love you."

He didn’t realise he was crying until he felt the damp of Sebastian’s shirt against his cheek, and by then he didn’t care. He would have gone through so much worse just to be able to hear Sebastian say it.

"I will always love you, Seb. For the rest of forever, I promise."

Sebastian cradled John in his arms, letting him cry against his chest and peppering the top of his head with kisses and stroking his hair softly.

"Gods I know baby, I know. Shh I got you." He still couldn’t quite believe that he had told John how he felt, it was still a difficult thing for him and he was still slightly stunned by how it felt saying it.

"Forever baby, forever and a day." He squeezed John lightly before turning so he was on his back and moving john so he was pretty much lying on top of him as he stroked his hair again.

"Get some rest; I’m gonna be here, just get some more rest okay?" He continued his movements through John’s hair and started to relax himself, his eyes slipping shut again. This was beyond exhausting but it was worth it all to have John here and he let himself be lulled to sleep by the sound of his and John’s rhythmic breathing.

John hadn’t thought that he could sleep again, but he somehow found himself drifting off.

He was smiling when he woke up, and it only broadened when he realised that Sebastian was still there, acting as a body pillow for him to rest on. “I love you,” he whispered, running his fingertips down Seb’s well-built left arm, tracing a few veins and letting his hands dip with the muscles. 

He linked their fingers once he reached his hand, and he smiled when Sebastian squeezed back. “I would say good morning, but I think it’s evening,” he teased.

Sebastian smiled when he was woken by John and he realized neither of them had moved since they fell asleep. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes before looking down at John, 

"We should probably get up and get some food, sit in the living room for a bit hmm?" Sebastian sat up, pulling John up with him and kissed his cheek before pulling himself out of bed and stretching before heading through to the kitchen.   
He was in a significantly better state, somehow he felt lighter for now at least and he put on a pot of coffee before starting to look through the cupboards and fridge for something to make. 

"Anything in particular you fancy baby?" 

John hadn’t wanted to get out of bed. Bed was warm, relaxing, and, when Sebastian was in it, it was safe. But Seb had left the room before John had a chance to say anything, and so he forced himself to get up.

He pulled on a robe despite the clothes he was already wearing, and he slowly walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter as he watched Sebastian.

"No, not really," he said quietly, shaking his head. "I, uhm… not fried potatoes and eggs though, yeah?" he asked softly, wrapping his arms around himself and staring down at the floor. He would be surprised if he would ever be able to eat that combination of food again, after that had been his only food while at Jim’s.

"Anything you want love." Sebastian smiled at John and tried not to let it turn into a grimace. The fact it was so bad there was even an association with certain food boiled his blood and he had to tamper down a flare of anger.   
After a few moments of calm he started pulling things out of the fridge and cupboard.

"Stir fry okay?" He brought out two pans and started cooking the base for the stir fry. He busied himself cooking the meal and set about keeping it warm before it was done so he could have a smoke before he ate.   
Luckily it was only cigarettes and he hadn’t went and bought a bottle of whiskey this time.

"Yeah, that’s fine," John said softly, walking over to Sebastian and leaning against the counter beside him. 

After a moment’s hesitation, he took the pack of cigarettes and started smoking his own. It was a habit that he had originally picked up in the army, and he just… he needed another one right now.

"You know you can’t blame yourself, right?" John murmured, dragging in a breath and letting it out as smoke. "It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault. It happened, and the best we can do now is try to fix it."

Sebastian couldn’t even bring himself to reprimand John for stealing one of his cigarettes, he certainly looked like he needed one and he made a mental note that he should go out and get some more. 

"I really wish I couldn’t blame myself baby, but it’s obviously hard. I just want everything to be okay for you, I just want the best for you." He took a long drag of his own cigarette, and exhaled slowly. 

"We will fix it though, if it takes forever, if it’s the last thing I do I will fix it." He stubbed out his cigarette and moved to John kissing him softly on the lips before moving back to the food. He finished it up and started to plate it up for them and turned to John. 

"Do you want to sit at the table or in the living room?"

"Here is fine," John said softly, moving to the cupboards and pulling down a couple glasses for them, which he filled with water and set out on the table. He took a seat next to Sebastian, waiting a moment before he picked up his fork and started eating.

"Thank you," he murmured after swallowing the first bite. He leant over against Sebastian and sighed softly, resting his head on his shoulder. He had a need to be close to him, to touch him in any way possible. 

"Can we just spend the day in bed tomorrow?" he asked, leaning forward to eat a bit more. "I want to just cuddle with you. You’re always really warm, and it’s nice."

Sebastian sat down and started eating but paused to smile when John leaned against him. He turned his head to kiss John’s temple. 

"We can do anything you want, I can bring the other TV through and we could watch some movies?" it certainly seemed like John was already doing better and he only hoped it would escalate from there. He continued to eat, both men settling into a comfortable silence and just enjoying their food. 

He was soon full and pushed his plate forward, this time resting against John and sighing in contentment. He was cautiously happy at the moment, and was looking forward to tomorrow, especially if it was something John needed and how could he refuse spending a day in bed holding the man… well the man he loved. 

"I - I really do, I truly love you John." 

John smiled broadly, turning to kiss Sebastian’s cheek, migrating the kisses down his jaw. “I love you too,” he whispered, reaching over to take his hand, his thumb grazing over Seb’s knuckles.

"Let’s go lie down," he whispered, standing up slowly and taking his dishes to the sink, then going back for Sebastian’s. "I’ll meet you in the bedroom, love. I’ll put the food away, and then come join you."

"Are you sure?" He looked at the firm look on John’s face and new he wouldn’t move until Sebastian went into the room so he smiled at him and headed back to the bedroom. 

He pulled off his lounge pants so he was in a t-shirt and boxers, not really wanting to undress further like he usually did so John wasn’t uncomfortable, and he got into the bed. He lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling just thinking about nothing in particular and waiting for John to come in. 

John followed after Seb a few minutes later, smiling softly at him as he pulled off his robe and then proceeded to undress down to his pants. He knew that his body was covered in bruises, and then backs of his thighs had scabs over the cuts that Jim had marked into his skin, but he knew that he would eventually have to become comfortable again.

He hummed softly to himself as he crawled into bed and pulled the quilt up over himself, moving over to Sebastian to lay against him. “Hello, stranger,” he teased, resting his head on Seb’s chest, listening to his heart beating. “You’re always so bloody warm. Why is that?” he murmured, running his fingers down Seb’s arm again.

Sebastian was more than surprised when John stripped down to his underwear and he tried so desperately hard not to stare. Not just at John’s body but the marks on it too, he was torn between needing John’s body against his and killing the bastard that had done that to his baby.   
Sebastian was soon enough distracted however when John got into bed and lay on his chest, he stroked one hand softly down the man’s back, careful not to aggravate any injuries before kissing his forehead.

"Oh that’s just because I’m so hot." He laughed lightly, John’s head following the movements of his chest as he laughed. Sebastian paused then brought his hand up to John’s chin, tiling his head up and looking right into his eyes,

"Gorgeous." He tilted his own head down and pressed a kiss to John’s lips, it was firm and insistent but he didn’t dare push for more, pulling away after a few moments and laying his head back down on the pillow.

John smiled, and his eyes teared up a little. “Only you would say that,” he whispered, leaning up and cupping Seb’s cheek, making their eyes meet again. “You’re so good to me. I don’t understand it,” he breathed, leaning forward to kiss him again.

This was okay, safe. Jim didn’t kiss; Jim bit, marked, hit, drew blood. Sebastian kissed with all of the fire in his soul, coveted, worshipped, loved. 

"I love you," he whispered, pulling back for a moment to catch his breath before he went back in for another kiss, tipping his head and licking at Sebastian’s lips, parting his lips to invite Seb in.

Sebastian closed his eyes and hummed softly when John kissed him of his own volition, it was soft but it told Sebastian exactly how John had felt.   
He smiled at the man when he pulled away for a moment and stroke his hand gently over the small of his back.

"I hate that you don’t know how perfect you are baby, but you are. You’re very nearly indescribable in the best possible way." He smiled again as John moved forward to kiss him yet again; he nearly jumped slightly when John licked at his lips and parted his own. He wasn’t really expecting it but again he wasn’t going to question it since John had initiated. 

He slowly let his tongue slide over John’s lips and into his mouth, tasting him property in what felt like the first time in a very long while. Sebastian sighed quietly into the kiss and brought his other had up to gently cup the back of John’s head.

It was slow but it wasn’t lacking any feeling, the way they felt for each other trying to be conveyed through that one act. Sebastian trying to let John know how loved he was through the slide of tongue and the parting of lips.

John finally pulled away when he needed a breath, and he smiled down at Sebastian. “I love you,” he murmured, laying back down and resting against him. He hummed, running his fingers along Sebastian’s clothed chest, feeling his breaths rise and fall under his touches.

"You keep saying how amazing and important I am, but I think you keep forgetting that you are those things too. You’re special to me, and you’re fantastic and kind and everything else, and I don’t want you to think that I’m somehow above you, because I’m not," he murmured, plucking at Seb’s shirt. 

"We shouldn’t be trying to play up each other, because we’re equals, even if you’re a bit smarter than I am," he said with a soft smile, wrapping his arm around John’s waist and pulling him close. 

"You are amazing and important, I can’t let you forget that and you need to be told in case you do." He held John close and occasionally pressed kisses to whatever bit of a John he could reach, usually his forehead but sometimes his temple or his cheek.

"I’m also certainly not smarter than you, we are both smart. Smart doesn’t necessarily mean one thing and this is exactly what I mean about my need to remind you of how brilliant you are." He brought one hand up to grip John’s chin lightly so he was looking up at Sebastian and he pressed another kiss to his soft lips.

"I don’t feel like you have been told it enough in your life and I’m making up for it now baby."

John shook his head. “Please don’t. At least don’t do it so much. I… it makes me feel self-conscious and I don’t like it,” he murmured. “I don’t know.”

He buried his face against Seb’s chest, reaching down to pull the blanket a little higher. “It bugs me,” he muttered.

Sebastian was slightly taken aback by John’s reason and the way he hid his face but he didn’t press. If that was the way John felt then he was be sure to be accommodating, naturally he would to anything for John so it wasn’t exactly too much of a stretch.   
He rested a hand on the back of John’s head and stroked at the soft hair slowly,

"I’m sorry baby, I’ll rein it in." John was almost clinging to him now and he hushed his voice so it was nearly a whisper, keeping the tone calm and comforting.

"It’s okay love, it’s fine. Anything you want. It’s all fine."

John fell asleep to Sebastian’s calm and soothing words, humming softly to himself until he drifted into the lower regions of sleep. 

He woke up early the next morning to the sound of a phone ringing, and he frowned until he realised that it was his own. Groaning, he rolled over, picking up the device and answering it. “‘lo?”

"John, I require your assistance."

"Sherlock?" John sat up straight, rubbing his hand over his eyes. "What the hell? It’s five in the bloody morning. Why are you calling me?"

"I told you, I require your assistance."

"Is this for a case? Because if it is, it can wait until I’m dressed and have had breakfast."

John could hear a sigh on the other end of the line. “Yes, alright, fine. Meet me at Baker Street when you’re done.”

The line disconnected, and John set his phone down, flopping back against the bed. “Seb? You awake?”

Sebastian groaned and gave a disgruntled sigh when John asked him if he was awake. 

"Well I am now, what is it?" He kept his eyes closed and felt around the bed for John before pulling him close and wrapping his body around him refusing to even think about getting out of bed. 

"Actually don’t tell me. I want to go back to sleep." He hummed contentedly before blindly finding a part of John to kiss and thinking he kissed his forehead settled back down. 

John sighed, letting Sebastian hold him for a moment longer, wishing that it was this easy, that he could just curl up in a ball and fall back asleep with Sebastian and not have to worry about it. 

"Sherlock called me," he said, leaning back to loosen Seb’s hold and to see his face. "He wants to meet me at Baker Street. I think it’s for a case or something, I don’t know.”

Sebastian immediately woke up at that and he scrubbed a hand over his face before looking at John but still not letting him go.

"Are you sure it’s nothing else? John we can’t be too carful right now. We know that Mycroft’s men may be involved after what happened, Jim could have gotten to him and they could get to you while you’re out with Sherlock."   
Sebastian couldn’t let John just go at such a randomly timed phone call like that, it was too dangerous. Anything could happen.

"It’s just not the right time John, but it is a good time to ask him for help so I’m going to suggest I come with you." Sebastian kissed his softly and kept holding him close.

"You’re also not arguing with me on this. I go with you or you don’t go. I’m not going to do anything but be there, I won’t interfere and if you want you can explain it all to Sherlock and I will only speak if he needs more details. Please John. We have to be smart about this."

John sighed heavily, but he nodded in understanding. “Alright. Okay, you can come along. He’ll just have to deal with it, I guess,” he murmured, kissing Sebastian softly before he got up and started gathering clothes to get dressed. 

"I’m going to make breakfast if you want to shower quick" he said over his shoulder, walking from the room now that he was dressed. Breakfast this morning was toast with sausage, and he made it quickly, starting the kettle for tea a bit too soon and ending up with cooled tea by the time the food was done.

Sebastian groaned before forcing himself to get up at an hour that was even too early for him. He walked straight into the bathroom and stripped off stepping into the shower then turning it on so the shock of cold water would wake him up. 

As soon as he was clean enough he went into the bedroom and threw on jeans and a t-shirt and grabbing his shoes to put on before he left. He walked into the kitchen and yawned before standing at the counter and thanking John for the food. Honestly if he sat down right now he would fall asleep, he quickly made an instant coffee to drink with his food to perk him up a bit. 

After getting some food in himself and drinking his coffee Sebastian felt slightly better and he stretched before shoving on his shoes and grabbing his keys, phone and wallet.   
His handgun was in the boot of his car, and he would most definitely be taking it out as soon as they got to the car and keeping it on him at all times. He moved over to John and stole a quick kiss before giving him a resigned smile.

"Right, well you ready?" 

"No, not really," John said, shaking his head and leaning up for another kiss. "But I suppose we’re going to go anyway." He managed a smile, stepping past Seb to pull on his shoes. 

"Right then," John said, tugging on his jacket. "Let’s get this over with, yeah?" Then we can come back here and maybe get a good shag in before dinner," he teased, giving a half-hearted wink before he left the flat.

He held the elevator for Seb, leaning against him once they were inside. As soon as they hit ground floor, John linked their fingers and walked outside with Sebastian, glad to have him there for physical and emotional support.

Sebastian startled slightly at John’s jibe and he pulled on his own jacket as he laughed quietly. He followed John and when he linked their fingers he squeezed his hand slightly before they reached the car.   
He unlocked the car and moved to the boot and grabbing his gun before getting into the driver’s seat. 

He leaned over and kissed John slowly before nodding once and pulling out, heading for 221b Baker Street. He had no idea what they were walking into with this but they had to take the risk, either way they needed to speak to Sherlock but he would still have to be on guard. 

John was tense as they drove, and when they finally pulled up, he waited for Sebastian to get out before he followed, ringing the bell for Mrs Hudson, since he knew that Sherlock often destroyed his. 

A few moments later, the landlady came and let them in with a smile and a hug for John. “It’s good to see you, Mrs H. Is Sherlock in?” he asked, stepping out of the hug and glancing at the stairs. 

"He should be. Haven’t seen him all day though. Been keeping to himself a lot lately."

John sighed, then nodded, walking up the steps and knocking loudly on the door.

"Yes?" came the bland answer from inside. 

"Sherlock?" John called, stepping into the flat. "You wanted to see me?"

Sherlock, who had been reclining on the sofa, jumped to his feet as if shocked. “John? I didn’t…” he trailed off when he saw Sebastian over John’s shoulder, but he quickly refocused on John. “I didn’t call you over here. What are you doing?”

Sebastian followed him cautiously into 221b nodding politely at the landlady before following him upstairs and standing directly behind John. He immediately tensed and readied himself for any immediate threat. 

"John, I told you it was suspicious." He reached behind him and settled his hand on the butt of his gun that was tucked into the waistband of his jeans. He feel of it beneath his hand was slightly comforting and he looked directly at Sherlock and mouthed at him over John’s shoulder. 

_Are there any bugs?_

He scanned his eyes around the room but wouldn’t know where to start in this clutter; he nodded when Sherlock shook his head telling him there were no bugs. He though that Sherlock would possibly be involved in this but he seemed too surprised to see John to be involved. 

"This has either been Mycroft’s men or Jim. I’m guessing Mycroft’s after what happened, I think they might want to tail us back to my apartment. We need to find a way to shake them and quick, there is a safe house we can use but of course Jim knows the location so he would end up being more involved than we want him to be. We have limited options."   
He was mostly talking to John as he spoke but his eyes kept flitting over to Sherlock to make sure he was listening in. 

John blew out a breath, pushing his hands through his hair. “Fuck,” he muttered, walking over to his chair and sitting down in it, groaning as he put his head in his hands. He had been  _so sure_  that Sherlock had been the one on the phone. It had sounded like him, but then, he supposed a recording could have worked easily for the minimal conversation they had had.

"John… what’s going on?" Sherlock asked, walking over and sitting down in his chair, looking across at the man that used to be his flatmate. "What are you involved in?"

John glanced over at Sebastian, then back at Sherlock, shaking his head. “Moriarty,” he said, lifting up the hem of his shirt to show Sherlock some of the bruises. He didn’t give an explanation - let the man come to his own conclusions.

"Sebastian has a plan to get rid of him, but… we need your help."

Sebastian watched as Sherlock both tensed but seemed overcome with interest at the mere mention of Moriarty, it was like he was obsessed with the man the way his eyes lit up. It was however soon replaced with concern when John showed him only a fraction of the marks on his body.   
Sebastian eventually stepped forward and stood next to John’s chair looking slightly imposing over the two men that were currently sitting down. 

"I have information on which parts of the network you wold have to go through to get to him. It would be easy enough to kill him but he has contingency plans and those are what need to be disabled before we can even touch him." 

Sebastian placed a hand gently on the back of John’s neck and let his thumb stroke over the soft hair at the base of his head, it was to admittedly calm himself and remind himself why this was so important. He probably wouldn’t have done anything if Jim had went after him again but not John, never John. Never again. 

"You seem to be the only one who can do it. We are too close to it all and we would be found out immediately but we can give you the information. It is also a matter of avoiding Mycroft’s men at the same time, I have my suspicions that they want to keep Moriarty up and running. I believe Mycroft had contingency plans too."

John frowned, unable to understand why Mycroft’s men would want Moriarty to stay in business, but he supposed it was good for them to have something to focus on, to try to keep in check.

Sighing, he shook his head, leaning back into Sebastian’s touch because it was the only thing calming him down at the moment. 

"So," Sherlock started, after taking a moment to watch John and Sebastian, "what exactly do you need from me? Hacking into the network? Killing people? What?" he asked.

"If there are people to kill, couldn’t Sherlock just… distract Jim? You can be ready to kill him once I take care of everything else," John suggested to Sebastian. "Sherlock’s the only person that Jim would drop everything for. If he said he was ready to play his game… we might have a shot at this."

"That could work, I doubt they would suspect an inside job if Sherlock was busy distracting Jim." Sebastian sat down on the arm of Johns chair and kept his hand stroking over the back of his neck.

"I wouldn’t be able to use my rifle; it would be took obvious if all of the kills were crack shots. I will have to change methods, a couple of shooting, stabbings and perhaps poison. We need to be careful with how we do it but I think we can." He couldn’t help but lean down and kiss John’s temple before he turned back to Sherlock.

"You have to be ready to do anything to distract Moriarty."

Sherlock nodded, looking back over at John. “Anything.” It seemed that Sherlock and Sebastian agreed on only one thing, and it was that John mattered more than either of them.

John didn’t like it, but he could live with it for now if it meant taking down Moriarty.

"Let’s just… sort this thing out right now. I have a feeling this is Mycroft’s men’s doing, sending us here, so I just want to get out and go lie down for a bit until we have to do something. There’s been too much shit going on these past few days. I’m having a hard time compartmentalising it all."

It was sadly obvious that both men in the room hopelessly loved John and Sebastian gave Sherlock a sad smile.

"We can sort out the details later now we have went over the basics. It will take a while to do this and we will have to arrange to meet again no doubt. I can get a disposable mobile and only give you and John the number for it. It’s probably the safest way to communicate." He stood again,

"Now we just have to figure out how to shake off whoever it is so we can get home."

John stood up and went to look out the window, frowning at the street below. “There’s no one on the street. If they’re waiting for us, they’re far off,” he said, stepping back and looking over at Sebastian.

With a sigh, he walked towards him, wrapping his arms around his waist and pressing against him. He felt safe there, warm. It was a place he didn’t want to leave if he didn’t have to. Despite the fact that he was a war-hardened soldier who could shoot someone in cold blood, he didn’t like violence, preferred to stay away from it. He was a helper and a healer, not a killer. Not unless it was necessary.

"Can’t we just drive home as if we suspected nothing?"

Sebastian wrapped his own arms around John’s shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Sherlock seemed slightly taken aback by the show of affection from John but Sebastian ignored him. 

"It’s worth a shot, how about you take something? It would look as if you came to pick something up you had forgotten?" He really had no other suggestions and he just wanted to get back to the apartment and actually spend the day in bed with John watching crap movies and just holding him. 

John nodded, walking upstairs to his old bedroom. He was surprised to find it completely untouched, except that it had been dusted since he had left, because it looked the same as when he had moved out.

Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he moved to grab a discarded duffel bag from inside the wardrobe, putting some books in there so that it looked like it was weighted with things, and then he trotted back downstairs.

"This will do," he said, nodding at Sherlock to show that he had noticed. "Let’s just go. We’re safer at home for now. We should all get phone that can’t be traced so that we can communicate."

Sebastian stood in silence as he waited for John, not even attempting to make small talk with Sherlock; everyone was certainly far too tense for something like small talk.   
He turned to face John when he came back downstairs and offered him a small smile before turning back to Sherlock.

"Yes, we can get the phones and we will get our numbers to you somehow." He gave the detective a nod and took John’s hand in his own and laced their fingers together. 

"Thank you for agreeing to help though I know you have your own reasons." He gave him another small nod and let go of John’s hand heading downstairs ahead of the man so he could have a minute with Sherlock since he hadn’t even seen the man in a while. 

John looked awkwardly at Sherlock, the duffel bag hanging in his hand. “I… um…” He looked down, shaking his head. “I’m sorry for leaving as suddenly as I did. It wasn’t very mature of me. You didn’t deserve that.”

Sherlock swallowed audibly, obviously not knowing what to say. “It’s okay, John,” he murmured after a moment. “He makes you happy,” he said, looking past John to where Sebastian had disappeared downstairs. “I haven’t seen you like that… ever. I know you keep insisting that you’re a damaged soldier, but you deserve to be happy. I’ll do my best to help you keep it.”

John nodded, fighting with his emotions. He was half tempted to walk over and pull Sherlock into a hug, but the man didn’t like physical contact, and John could respect that. “Thank you, Sherlock,” he said, and his voice was choked.

Before he could start sobbing, he fled the flat, walking past Sebastian and sliding into the car, tossing the bag over his shoulder into the backseat. He scrubbed his face with his hands, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself down.

Sebastian frowned as he got into the car, reaching out and placing a hand on John’s thigh. 

"It’s going to be fine John." He ran his thumb over the denim of John’s jeans before moving away and starting the car. 

"We still have all day, we can get in and you can go straight to bed while I move the good TV into the room then we don’t have to move unless we need something. Okay?" He pulled out and tried not to drive faster than he usually would.   
When they finally arrived back at the apartment Sebastian still hadn’t noticed any tails and he let himself relax slightly as he got John’s bag from the back of the car. He waited for John to get out and locked up, taking John’s hand in his own as they went into the building and went up to the apartment. 

John let out a small breath once they were inside and he immediately left Sebastian and went into the bedroom. He stripped down, tossing his clothes aside because right then he didn’t care, and then he collapsed into bed.

He grunted, having fallen on a bruise, and rolled over, curling up so that he would be facing Sebastian when he finally came into the room. 

Sebastian watched as John went straight into the room, he really hoped he would eventually be alright. He dumped John’s bag on the sofa before walking through to the spare room and picking up the TV, he had never really watched TV in his room so he didn’t feel the need for one but he could make an exception for John. 

He grunted slightly when he went into the room and placed it down on the unit, it was heavier than it looked and he looked over to John curled up in the bed. He quickly set it up and switched it to regular TV, movies could wait. 

Sebastian stripped down to his boxers and kept his t-shirt on and climbed into the bed. He gathered John in his arms and carefully pulled him close, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

"How you feeling now baby?" 

"Better," John mumbled, scooting a bit closer to Sebastian and resting his forehead against his chest. "I just feel like shit, pulling him into this, even though I know that he wants to be," he said softly.

"It just… it feels like we’re putting up a fight for something so small. I mean, he did it to you, and now he did it to me. I’m not broken by it. Not to the extent that you seem to think I am. I just don’t want this to be some dominance thing between you and him over who can have me and who can’t."

He let out a long breath and sucked in a deep one, just resting against Seb’s chest, the telly in the background droning out the silence.

Sebastian’s breath hitched at John’s comment. Was that really what he thought of all of this? Did he think Sebastian saw him as property? 

"John, no it’s not like that at all. I just can’t bear the thought of him hurting you again. I just can’t, I should have looked after you and I couldn’t. I can’t let it happen again." he kissed John’s forehead and bit back the over flow of emotions that was threatening to spill. 

"Please, you can’t think that’s what it is. I just don’t want you to get hurt at all. I love you John. Please, please don’t think this is between me and Jim. Fuck, please don’t compare me to him." He was very nearly rambling and his voice was cracking but he didn’t care, he couldn’t have John thinking like that and if he did it would fucking kill him. 

John blinked, his arm tightening around Sebastian’s waist. He sniffed, burrowing closer to Seb. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding him as tight as he could. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean it that way,” he breathed, running his hand up into Sebastian’s hair. 

He shushed Seb gently, peppering kisses up his neck. “It’s alright love, I promise,” he murmured, leaning away after a moment so that he could cup Sebastian’s cheek and look at him firmly. “I swear to god, Sebastian, I love you so much and I’m not comparing you to him.”

He leant in and kissed him gently, his fingers pushing through his hair. “I promise. God, Seb, I wouldn’t ever compare you to him,” he murmured against Sebastian’s lips, pressing in for another kiss when he had finished talking.

Sebastian couldn’t help but nod at John’s words; he thought that if he spoke now then he would completely fall apart. He wrapped his arms completely around John, encasing him and let his eyes flutter shut as John kissed him. 

Sebastian pressed back, kissing John’s lips softly and repeatedly before flicking his tongue out and licking across John’s bottom lip as if asking for permission, making sure everything was okay before he even considered going further. 

John hummed, parting his lips and inviting Sebastian in with a soft moan. He pressed closer to Seb, rolling over and pulling him on top, his hands quickly sliding up Sebastian’s back under his shirt.

He deepened the kiss, groaning softly as his fingertips dug into Sebastian’s soft skin on either side of his spine. 

"Don’t," he said when Seb pulled back and it looked like he was about to say something. "Don’t speak, just act. Just do it, Seb. Like nothing ever happened. Please," he murmured, mouthing down Sebastian’s jaw, licking at the sensitive skin below his ear. "Please, Daddy," he breathed, a shiver running down his spine and a grin parting his lips.

Sebastian was surprised when John pulled him on top and his slightly cool hands slid under his shirt. He moved back to look at John, to ask him if this was okay but it was evidently what he wanted. Maybe even needed. 

Sebastian groaned quietly as John’s mouth found his jaw and started to tease over the skin. He used one arm to hold himself up on the bed and let the other one slide down over John’s side and over his hips, only now realizing John had completely stripped of and was naked beneath him. 

"Anything you want baby." he tilted his head down and pressed a quick kiss to John’s lips before moving to his neck and starting to suck and lick at the skin there, craving the taste that was completely John.   
He shifted John slightly so he could settle between his parted legs and he rolled his hips down, groaning loudly at the contact. He pulled back but rolled his hips down again, biting his lip as he did so. 

"What do you want baby? Tell me what you want." 

John’s eyes were blown wide, and he moaned softly through parted lips, dropping his head back as Sebastian mouthed at his neck. He needed to be reclaimed by Sebastian, to get the feeling of Jim off of him.

"You, please," he whispered, closing his eyes and whimpering. "Please, Daddy, I just want you to own me again," he murmured, looking up at Sebastian with an expression of need. 

He pulled Seb down against him again, rolling his hips up, panting at the friction of his cock against Seb’s boxers. “Fuck me, Daddy, please.”

Sebastian groaned as John rutted against him and managed to pull himself away long enough to grab lube and pull off his boxers, letting them drop to the floor.   
He moved back over John and gasped as their cocks slid against each other, leaning down to kiss John deeply again he brought one of his legs up to wrap around his waist. 

"Anything for you baby." Sebastian liberally coated his fingers in lube, rubbing it over his skin so it warmed up before moving his hand down to tease his fingertips over John’s entrance.   
he kept up a slight roll of his hips, giving them both some friction and he slowly pressed one finger into John, leaning down to kiss him as he did so. 

John swore softly, tensing up a moment at the intrusion before he made himself relax. “Christ,” he murmured, dropping his head back and staring up at the ceiling.

He lifted his hips, making Seb’s finger move inside of him, pushing their cocks against each other again. He moaned, his fingers grabbing at Sebastian’s shirt for something to hold on to.

"I got you baby." He kissed John again and let his tongue slowly explore his mouth while he slowly pressed in another finger.

He kept rolling his hips down to distract John from the intrusion as he thrust his fingers into John.

"So good for me baby. Perfect." He tilted his head down and started to mark John, mark him as his own.

John whined and writhed under Sebastian’s ministrations, arching into his touches until his muscles were straining and he felt that he couldn’t get any closer to him without crawling inside his chest and nesting there. 

He couldn’t remember why he had been so nervous to do this, why he had been afraid to open himself up like this again. He couldn’t recall anything that had happened with Jim, not when Sebastian was possessing him so thoroughly.

"Please," he moaned, wiggling his hips. "Please, Daddy, I’m ready," he gasped, his mouth falling open at a love bite placed on his neck.

"Hmm I don’t think you are ready baby." Sebastian pulled his fingers slowly out of John before moving John carefully until he was on his front with his arse in the air.   
Sebastian took a moment to remove his shirt before be moved over to John and placed a kiss on the small of his back. 

"I decide when you’re ready." He moved further down and licked a stripe from the base of John’s sac over his perineum and over his entrance where he dipped it in slightly. He flattened out his tongue and licked a broad stripe over John’s hole before pointing it and pushing it slightly into the slightly stretched entrance, continuing for a good minute or so.

Sebastian grinned at the sounds he had drawn from John as he moved away and this time pushed three fingers in, crooking them so they brushed right over John’s prostate. He thrust his fingers in again a few more times, hitting the bundle of nerves each time before he eventually removed his fingers and slicked up his own cock. 

"Now you’re ready baby." He knelt between John’s legs and pushed John’s chest down into the mattress while he used his other to stroke small circles over John’s back as he gradually started to push in. 

John had found himself unable to control the noises Sebastian pulled from him, using first his tongue and then his fingers. He moaned and whimpered and mewled, grabbing at the duvet in hopes of steadying himself.

"Oh," he gasped, pushing himself back onto Sebastian’s cock, whimpering as he was stretched open more. He bowed his head down, his eyes closing and his hands tightening on the covers. "Fuck," he whispered, feeling Seb finally bottom out.

"Oh god, you’re so good. You feel so good around me baby. Fuck. Gorgeous." He groaned loudly as he pulled out slowly and after a couple of inches thrust back in. He leaned forward slightly so he could grasp onto John’s shoulder for leverage and moved his other hand to John’s waist, his fingers digging into the flesh. 

He started to thrust forward in slowly and lazy strokes giving John time to adjust to being so thoroughly filled. He dipped his head down and kissed over the skin of John’s back as he started a firmer pace, using his grip on John to pull him back to meet his thrusts. 

John cried out sharply, the noise quickly followed by a loud moan and a soft string of swears. He tried to move with Sebastian, but there was really no point, not with the way Seb had taken control again.

"Oh, god, Daddy," he groaned, ducking his head down so that his face was buried in the duvet. "God, you feel so good," he whispered, his voice hitching around the last word as Sebastian thrust into him again and brushed firmly against his prostate.

Sebastian was trying his damnedest to be careful but his he couldn’t help but start to snap his hips forward and thrusting hard into John.   
It felt like it had been an age since he had been with John and the feeling around his cock was very nearly too intense and he had to force himself to slow down but it was increasingly difficult, feeling John so tight and hot around him.

"Fucking hell John." His grip tightened on John’s shoulder and he couldn’t slow down his pace anymore, he removed the hand from John’s waist and wrapped it around his shaft. His thumb rubbing over the tip and smearing the pre-come that had gathered there before stroking John in time with each thrust that were soon becoming erratic.

John nearly sobbed, bucking his hips forward into Sebastian’s hand as much as he could, trying to gain as much friction as possible. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned, biting down on a section of the blanket.

It was hardly a few moments later when he cried out, calling out Sebastian’s name as he came, his thighs shaking and his knees going weak. He was glad that he was already on his front and nearly lying down, or he probably would have collapsed.

Sebastian swore loudly as he felt John climax beneath him, the ring of muscle tightening and flexing around his cock pulling him closer and closer to the edge.   
His grip on John’s shoulder was now bruising as he kept his hand moving over John, bringing him through his orgasm.

"Ah! Baby, so fucking gorgeous." He started to feel that familiar tug at the pit of his stomach and he continued to fuck into John who was trembling with sensitivity beneath him.   
He purposefully angled to hit John’s prostate to wring a few more twitches and sobs before he was suddenly filling John with his own hot release with a shout.

Sebastian nearly collapsed on top of John but he managed to hold himself steady as he carefully pulled out and instead collapsed beside him. He immediately gathered John in his arms and pulled him close,

"I love you."

John trembled as he curled up against Sebastian’s side, burying his face against his chest. He was still so sensitive that once he found a comfortable position, he didn’t move, finding himself nearly unable. 

"I love you too," he whispered, shaking a little as he slowly came down.

When he finally levelled out, he tipped his head up to look at Sebastian, smiling at him softly. “I love you so much,” he murmured, leaning up to kiss him, the brush of their lips delicate in post-coital bliss. 

Sebastian held John as he calmed down, stroking his skin softly as he trembled slightly next to Sebastian. He finally felt John next to him settle, and he kissed him back softly. 

"You okay baby?" He ran his fingers through John’s hair and started to pepper soft kisses every so often on his forehead and cheek. 

John nodded slowly, humming as his eyes closed and he relaxed against Sebastian. “Yeah,” he murmured, tucking his head under Seb’s chin, kissing his neck and breathing in his scent. 

He swallowed, blinking his eyes and turning to look around the room, as if checking to make sure that Jim wasn’t there. “Yes, I’m alright,” he said definitively, turning back around and lightly kissing Sebastian’s chin before he settled down beside him.

He watched John look around the room and he tightened his grip ever so slightly, 

"You’re okay, only big old me here." He kissed the top of John’s head and was torn between wanting a shower or wanting to lie here. But he did say that they would spend the rest of the day in bed and he really didn’t want to move. 

"You know that I’m not moving from this bed until I literally  _have_ to.” He laughed quietly before letting his gaze drift over and fall onto the TV, absentmindedly stroking every inch of John’s skin he could reach. He even let his hand drift over John’s groin but it was non-sexual, he was just touching, memorizing. 

John shivered a little at all the touching, humming softly as his eyes drifted closed. He was surprisingly okay with being touched like this, with Sebastian mapping every inch of him.

"You better not leave," he teased, but his voice was groggy and not really into it. "Not for a long, long time."

He felt exhausted, the weight of the day settling over him, almost physically pushing him into the mattress. “I’m gunna fall asleep on you,” he muttered, and only a few minutes later, he had fallen unconscious.

"I’m not going anywhere baby." He kissed John lightly and shifted slightly so he would be comfortable enough the fall asleep. 

"Go ahead, I’ll be right here." He kept stroking over John’s skin until he hear he level breaths of the man next to him telling him that he was asleep. He moved his hand to stroke through John’s hair while he was sleeping, the slow repetitive movements making Sebastian’s own eyelids heavy. 

He managed to watch a few more minutes of TV before falling asleep himself, his head resting against John’s and his arm still wrapped around him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying it so far and I can now officially say that this is now over half way through! 
> 
> Comments and kudos literally make our day and come find us on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com and mxrmor.tumblr.com


	23. Chapter 23

John jumped awake to a loud bang, and he immediately thought  _gun_ , and then his mind frantically caught up. Not loud enough to be a gun. Too dull of a sound. Too close.

There were footsteps.

John heard shouts, an argument, and he looked over to find the bed beside him empty.  _Sebastian._ The footsteps started again, two sets walking closer. John scrambled for the bedside table, reaching for the knife he kept in there.

"Johnny," came the sing-song voice through the door before it was thrown open, and John jumped back onto the bed, cowering against the headboard and hiding the knife by his thigh. "I thought I told you not to share our little secret, and here I find you already back with Sebby." Jim was in the room, walking closer, and John was trembling, his heart racing in his chest.

"Didn’t you learn your lesson? Do I have to teach you again?" Jim reached him and grabbed his hair, yanking it and forcing his head back to expose his neck. "I was so hoping for another opportunity." One of those cold hands reached forward, wrapping around John’s neck and squeezing. 

John heard what sounded like Sebastian, but he couldn’t make out words. He could only see, and all he could see was Jim standing above him, grinning because he had just caught his pet doing something punishable. 

John reacted.

He lunged forward, tackling Jim off the bed and to the ground. The hand in his hair released, but the one on his neck tightened. John didn’t care. He lifted his hand and brought the knife down, stabbing Jim between his ribs, piercing his lung. He pulled out the knife and stabbed again, and again, until the hand fell from his throat, and then he just couldn’t stop himself and he kept going.

Sebastian was woke with a jolt as John started to twitch rather violently in his sleep, another nightmare, Sebastian usually found that with John keeping him held close and soothing him usually worked. Only this time it didn’t, and Sebastian had two options, he could let the nightmare run it’s course or wake him up. 

"John? John baby?" He tried calling his name slightly louder this time but nothing seemed to rouse him. He certainly didn’t want to wake him up with a shock so instead he got up from the bed and went into the kitchen. 

He set about making tea for John, he would want something to calm him down when he woke up and tea was always the go to plan. He placed the mug on the table and filled a glass of water too, putting it next to the mug. He pulled out a tray so he could carry both of them without spilling and ended up dropping it on the floor. If the bang hadn’t woke up John he wouldn’t know what will. 

He walked back into the room and immediately placed the tray down on the side and moved over to John who was now cowering against the headboard. 

"John! John? Fuck, come on John, come on baby wake up." Sebastian reached forward to touch John’s shoulder and suddenly found himself on the floor then all he knew was a searing pain. If felt like his abdomen was on fire and he dragged in a ragged breath, he blinked rapidly finding it hard to see anything in the dark but he knew the familiar glint of a knife and there was another sharp searing pain on his arm, then across his chest. 

"JOHN!" Sebastian relied on the adrenaline to push through the pain and he eventually focused enough to push John off him and kick the knife away before collapsing back to the floor. 

Each breath he took was rasping and ragged and he could feel his chest covered in warmth. Blood probably, he didn’t really care he was too tired, it was rather comfortable lying on the floor. Why was he lying on the floor again? It was a bit hazy, he was probably just over tired and he smiled reaching out for nothing in particular but speaking weakly as he did so, 

"Baby?" John was probably in the bathroom or something, everything was fuzzy. His thoughts… he was. The word? Was… Wanted sleep. Tired. Cold. 

John heard the sharp yell of his name, and there was no doubt that it was Sebastian. He felt a shock run through him as he landed on his arse, and when he blinked and looked down, he realised what had happened. 

"Fuck," he swore, jumping to his feet and grabbing his phone, quickly calling 999, demanding an ambulance. He ran for his med bag, grabbing it and then rushing back to Seb. "Hurry," he snapped into the phone before tossing it aside.

"Seb? Sebastian. Hey, look at me, love, love at me," he commanded, cupping the side of Seb’s face, patting it lightly as he pulled out wads of gauze from the bag. "Don’t you dare close your eyes, tiger. Don’t you dare. Come on now, keep looking at me," he said, his voice steady for the amount of tears rolling down his cheeks. 

He had stabbed -

No.  _No_. Can’t think about that now. Need to focus on Seb.

"You’ll be okay, I promise," he spoke confidently. "I promise, alright. Don’t you dare close your eyes. Sebastian!"

Sebastian felt something against his face, he was sure John was calling his name. Why was he trying to wake him up? He was sure it was the middle of the night. He tried to tell John to leave him alone but for some reason it was difficult to speak, like he had been drugged. 

"G- go… ‘way." The effort of speaking was took much and he found himself coughing and each cough was lanced with a searing pain and he forced his eyes open.   
Had he just been sick, there was something warm coming out of his mouth, it was horrible and coppery. He tried to ask John what was going on but there was suddenly a warm fluid filling his mouth. It tasted like… blood. 

Why was there? Oh… fuck. He started to panic slightly as he foggy brain started to pick out what happened. John had, John, was he… was it him helping or was he… Sebastian started to panic slightly, or as much as he could in his state and he forced his eyes open. 

He saw a blur above him that could only be John and his voice was muffled but he sounded scared? 

"J - John?" His voice was gurgled because of the blood that was now filling his mouth. He forced himself to move his arm, he started reaching out to John but another sear of pain shot through his arm and it fell back to the floor.   
It all hurt, everything hurt. he just wanted John, why couldn’t he just hold John. His eyes were watering now due to the pain and he could feel the wetness on his face.

John was sobbing, but he had to hold it together, had to be there for Sebastian. “Shh, shh, love. Don’t fight it, it’s alright, I promise. Keep calm, you’ll be okay.” He knew Sebastian was dying, though, and it was his fault, his fault. “Sebastian,  _please_. Please hold on.”

He heard footsteps in the hallway, multiple pairs, and he quickly shouted to them. “In here! Help, please!”

The bedroom was soon filled with paramedics, and John was forced back, away from Sebastian as hands started moving over him, trying to stop the bleeding, picking up where John had left off. 

Seb was loaded onto a stretcher and carried from the room, and John was being ushered to follow, someone asking him questions that he wasn’t hearing. There was an ambulance and a police car parked on the curb, and Sebastian was loaded into the former, John into the latter. Both were taken to the hospital.

He heard John, but it sounded like he was underwater but he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer and let them slide shut. Every now and then he could hear the wail of a siren but it sounded far away though he must have been in the ambulance.   
It felt as if he was locked in some kind of dream state, every so often there was noise and flashing lights behind his eyes lids that were separated with intermittent periods of darkness. 

It felt like he was going, he had been in some states before but this was different, it felt different. He felt so weak, he could never pull back from this but he needed to. He needed to tell John it was okay but he couldn’t. There was movement and he guessed that he was being took into the hospital and he desperately tried to open his eyes, where was John? He needed John!

Everything went black. 


	24. Chapter 24

John was questioned thoroughly and harshly by a young detective from New Scotland Yard once he had been looked over and was found to be uninjured. He told the detective what must have happened, saying that he didn’t actually remember doing anything because he had been dreaming.

"Look," he snapped, finally getting to his feet. "I suffer from PTSD. You can look it up in my medical records or my therapist sessions, I don’t care. Hell, you could probably call DI Lestrade down here and he could confirm it for you. Right now all I know is that my boyfriend is lying in a hospital bed probably dying and I put him there, and you won’t even let me go wash his blood from my hands."

The young officer cowered, then stammered an apology and let John go to the loo to wash his hands and arms.

John was shaking, trying to keep himself from breaking down but it was hard, too hard, and he collapsed before he got to the sink. Huge sobs ripped through him, and he wrapped his arms around his chest, trying to hold himself together. Sebastian was dying. Dying and John had done that to him.

Sebastian opened his eyes slowly, the light in the room making them water… light? What time was it? Where was he? He took a deep breath to collect himself but nearly cried out in pain. It felt like his lungs were burning and his mind slowly started to piece everything back together, his entire body was aching and certain areas were throbbing.   
He tried to focus on his surroundings but all he could see was blurred tubes and hear the steady beep of a monitor machine. 

He tried to move, he needed John, where was John? What if he was hurt? Fuck, he needed to see John but his body was not cooperating at all.   
He was positive he heard people rush into the room and he saw blurred shapes starting to move around the bed. 

"N - need, J - J - John." His voice was barely a rasp and he wasn’t even sure they heard his but everything started to go dark again, they must have gave him something to knock him out and he tried to fight it but it was impossible.   
Before he went back under he was sure he heard one of them mutter he wasn’t out of the woods yet. 

John had been told to go home, because Sebastian was going to be staying there for a while, and it was possible that he wouldn’t make it. But John couldn’t leave, and so he camped out in the waiting room, huddled in a chair in the corner. 

Lestrade stopped by once, having heard what had happened, and tried to convince John to go home and get some rest, but John refused. 

Sherlock sent John a couple of texts, but John didn’t reply. It was his fault that Sebastian was here, and he wasn’t going to leave until he had an answer of whether or not he was going to live.

Sebastian slowly woke again, except this time it was actually dark when he opened his eyes slightly. A groan immediately escaped his lips, his throat felt like he had been swallowing glass and his entire body ached, luckily the drugs they were pumping into his arm were enough to dull the pain somewhat.   
He still couldn’t move properly but he managed to rasp out some kind of noise and someone was by his side immediately. That means he was most likely critical and was now in intensive care, not that it mattered he just needed to see John. 

He felt his arm being lifted, probably to check the IV and he assumed any wounds that might be there, his vision was still slightly spotty and blurred occasionally but he could start to make out proper shapes.   
He gritted his teeth and steeled himself, making sure he was looking directly at one of the doctors above him, or at least in their general direction before attempting to speak again. 

"I - I…" Some cool water was poured into his mouth and he spluttered before he swallowed, feeling it ease his throat the slightest bit. 

"I n… need J-John." He tried to move, and found himself able to shift slightly, and he kept doing it, silently telling them that if he didn’t see John he would keep trying to make everything worse. 

_“John.”_

It was hours into the night when John’s phone rang. “Hello?” he answered, emotionless, staring at the floor.

"John Watson? We need you back at the hospital. Sebastian is demanding to see you."

John sat up a little straighter. “I’m still here. Never left. What room is he in?” he asked, rising to his feet.

"309. I’ll meet you by the check in desk on third floor."

John hung up and ran to the lifts, not giving a fuck about the people who told him to slow down or the others who stared. It seemed to take the lift forever to get to the third floor, and when it finally did, John took off again, skidding to a halt near a nurse who was motioning to him. 

"This way," she said briskly, leading him off down a hallway.

Sebastian continued to move, he was positive he pulled some stitches on his arm and he continued to rasp out variations of John’s name. It got to the point where they had to pump him with more painkillers to make him more lucid but not knock him out. 

Sebastian finally let himself relax back onto the bed and stopped moving so much, perhaps they wouldn’t let John see him. Not after what had happened and he didn’t know if he should be angry or upset and he felt moisture leaking from his eyes again. 

“ _John_.” He felt the tears slip down his face and he closed his eyes again. One hand reaching off the bed for nothing in particular but wanting John. 

"Seb?" John whispered, ignoring the doctors that looked at him as the nurse finally dropped him off in the room. "Sebastian Moran, you look at me," he said softly, approaching the bed and taking the hand that was reaching out into the air.

He was crying - they both were - and he gently wiped the tears from Sebastian’s cheeks. “It’s me, love. I’m here.” He bent forward, pressing his lips to Sebastian’s forehead, having a hard time breathing because of the silent sobs ripping through him. “I’m so sorry, Seb. I’m so sorry.”

He held Seb’s hand tighter, carding his free fingers through Sebastian’s hair. He wished that he could gather Seb into his arms, but he knew the statistics of how damaged he was, and he didn’t want to risk it. 

"I’m so sorry, love."

Sebastian felt someone take his hand and he cracked open his eyes again, only now registering John’s voice. He felt another flood of tears come from his eyes no matter how hard he tried to hold them back as he felt John press his lips to his forehead.

He made some kind of sound and motioned the best he could for water, one of the nurses immediately moved back over and gave him a few small sips before moving back to give them some privacy.

"J-John?" Sebastian managed to smile lazily, the painkillers still making him sluggish and slightly out of it.

"My baby." He wanted to reach out and touch him, just to make sure he was real and still there but he couldn’t even raise his arm.

"Don’t leave." He hoped his words were coming out coherent enough; he couldn’t bear the thought of John leaving, not just now but ever. Though he knew John might never be able to get over this and Sebastian needed to let John know but he couldn’t and it was infuriating. He could feel himself getting worked up.

"S-stay." He took a breath and must have stretched or knocked something because suddenly there was a searing agony and he thought he was yelling in pain.   
Suddenly there was the frantic beeping of a machine and nurses and doctors rushing about him. The pain was far too much and he could feel his body trying to shut down again but this time he tried to fight it, but the physical stress was too much and he started convulsing. He managed to murmur, or yell he wasn’t even sure, John’s name again before he was taken by darkness once more.

John was pushed away from Sebastian’s side and eventually out of the room, where he was forced to pace in front of the door and eventually he just sat down against the wall, pulling his knees up to his chest.

He had run out of tears by the time a nurse came out and knelt beside him. 

"He’s alright again. Just pulled too many stitches and started bleeding into his lungs again. We knocked him out. You can go in and sit with him, if you want."

John nodded, pushing to his feet and wiping at his eyes. “Of course I do,” he said, his voice rough, but he didn’t care. “Thank you,” he murmured, stepping away from her and going back into the room.

Sebastian came back around, the room was still dark. He had either been sedated for a short while or a full day; the latter was probably the most likely since he would be at high risk of pulling his stitches again if he woke too soon. He was actually surprised he had woke up at all, the thought was terribly morbid but he was so close to the brink and he could feel that he was still at risk of complications. 

He forced his eyes open properly and saw a shape next to him through the dark, and when it eyes adjusted he saw that it was John. He was in the chair next to him with his head resting on the bed, asleep by the sounds of it.   
He closed his eyes again and concentrated as much as he could, just to move his arm so he could place his hand in John’s hair. His lips moved into a weak smile as he felt the hair beneath his hand, it was real and grounding. 

"John." His voice was still quiet and raspy but sounded loud enough in the quiet room. 

John startled awake at the touch to his hair and the soft voice near his ear. He blinked rapidly, looking around and finally settling his eyes on Sebastian. “Hey you,” he murmured, taking his hand and threading their fingers together. “You’re not going to flatline on me again, are you?” he tried teasing, but he knew it came out watery.

He brought Sebastian’s hand up to his lips, kissing over his knuckles, trying to stop himself from crying again. “I’m so sorry, love. I didn’t know…” He sniffed, shaking his head and collecting himself.

"You need to rest so that you can get better," he whispered, leaning up to kiss Seb’s forehead, then lowering himself back down again. "I love you so much."

Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment at the soft touch of lips before tilting his head slightly toward John, the breathing tube tugging slightly as he moved. 

"J-just a scratch." He gave John a weak smile before trying to squeeze his hand, unsure if John even felt it.

"Stop being s-sorry. please." He looked at John and desperately wished he could say more but everything was too tiring, he gave another small smile before putting his head back again.   
He managed to murmur the word water before he felt too exhausted to try speaking again. 

John nodded understanding and moving to pick up the glass of water with the straw in it. He didn’t know if Sebastian would even have enough energy to sip through the straw, but as soon as he offered it, the rest of the water was finished quickly.

John hummed, moving back to his original position, resting his head on the edge of the bed, his crossed arms acting like a pillow, except this time he was holding Sebastian’s hand. 

"Get some more rest love," he murmured, kissing his knuckles once more. "You need it to start feeling better."

Sebastian drank the water that was offered and closed his eyes at the soothing feeling on his throat and letting his head fall back when he was done, keeping his eyes closed. 

"Bored of sleep." He kept his eyes closed as he spoke but let a small smile shape his lips even though he said that he could feel himself becoming drowsy again thanks to the pain meds that were being continuously pumped into his system. 

"Love y.." Sebastian was out before he could finish the sentence. 

John smiled, though he could feel tears welling up and sliding down his cheeks. “I love you, too,” he whispered, sniffing and quickly wiping away his tears.

It took him a long time to fall back asleep, and when he finally did, it was that restless sleep that never makes the reality of what’s around you fade away.

He woke with a start when he heard the door open, and his thrumming heart didn’t slow when he saw Jim enter the room. Swallowing thickly, John glanced over at Sebastian and then stood, pushing Jim from the room.

"He needs his rest," he said a bit harshly, glaring up at Jim as he shut the door. "What are you doing here?"

Sebastian felt movement before everything went still again but there was something different, his hand didn’t feel as warm as it did before and he cracked one eye open.   
The space that John had been resting in was empty but there was a lingering warmth. He had probably just gone to the bathroom or something but what if they had finally decided to put him away for what he had done? What if he was being taken away and Sebastian could do nothing about it. 

He started to breath a bit faster and he needed to calm down, he could hear the heart monitor picking up slightly but he couldn’t stop. He wanted to blame the drugs for how panicky he was, it was the drugs fault that he couldn’t think straight but it wasn’t working. 

Fuck, what if Jim had seen the opportunity to take him again. Sebastian started to move, trying to sit up, to look around for John. Anything was better than lying there thinking the worst, all he could hear as he forced himself to shift was the frantic beat of his heart on the monitor and suddenly he was being pushed back down by one of the doctors. 

"Sir stop moving, you could pull your stitches again." But he needed to see John!

"Sir you could start the internal bleeding again and it could kill you! Lay down!" The thought seemed to immediately sober him up and he lay back down and took some deep breaths, well as deep as he could with a stitched up hole in his lung and forced himself to relax. 

"I need John. John, wh - where is he?" 

Jim had pulled John aside, down a couple of hallways to push him back against the wall. “I just wanted to check on the two of you,” he purred, flashing a grin that made John’s stomach roll. “Have you been naughty, Johnny?” he asked, running the tips of his fingers down John’s cheek.

John swatted the hands away, his jaw clenching. “Don’t fucking touch me,” he snarled.

Jim only chuckled and moved closer, pressing their bodies together from knee to chest. “Like this, Johnny boy?” he asked, fisting a hand in his hair, turning his head for inspection. “I swear,” he murmured, leaning in to run his lips along John’s neck, “you fight more than Sebby does. Do you like putting up a fight? Do you get off on it?”

John opened his mouth with a retort, but it was cut short as soon as he heard shouts from down the hall. He pushed Jim away and ran back to Seb’s room, pushing past a couple of nurses and making his way to Sebastian’s side.

"Hey," he whispered, cupping Seb’s cheek. "Hey, calm down. I’m here, you’re alright," he murmured, smiling softly when Seb’s eyes locked with his own. "There, see?"

Sebastian smiled weakly as his eyes finally landed on John’s face, his good arm managing to reach out and touch him this time,

"Where did you go? Y- you left." He probably sounded pathetic and needy, he could always chalk it up to the drugs but he really didn’t care.   
He was so worried about John that something had happened to him. Yes he should be more worried about himself, that he was in intensive care and he had nearly died but he just couldn’t bring himself to consider for one moment how he felt when something could have happened to John.

"Where were you baby?" His voice sounded choked and anyone else would have thought he was crazy, wanting John to be so close after what had happened but if anything it made him need the man closer. He needed to make sure he was okay, to let him know that Sebastian wouldn’t abandon him no matter what.

John smiled softly, running his fingers through Sebastian’s hair and kissing his forehead. “It’s alright, love. I just had to run to the bathroom,” he murmured, kissing down Seb’s nose and finally gently pressing a kiss to his lips. “I wouldn’t ever leave you. You know that,” he whispered, letting out a breath as he rested their foreheads together.

He straightened up after a moment, turning around to face the doctor and the nurses. “He’s fine now. Can we have some privacy, please?” he asked, waiting for them all to leave and shut the door behind themselves.

He took a seat on the edge of Sebastian’s bed this time, taking care not to touch his side or his chest at all, but he continued stroking his fingers through his hair and over his cheeks and forehead and lips, trying to get him to relax.

Sebastian sighed at the touch, closing his eyes and focusing on John’s fingers moving over his face and through his hair. 

"Don’t do that again." Sebastian couldn’t remember the last time he had panicked like that, well actually he could. It was when they were both attacked when they had been shopping and John wad been injured. He just couldn’t bear the thought of John being hurt in any way. 

"Tell me, before you go any- anywhere." He moved his arm again, with great effort and managed to lightly grasp John’s t-shirt. He was so tired, but he wanted to stay awake though it seemed nearly impossible and he fell back asleep still grasping John’s top.

John sighed softly, leaning down to press a kiss to Sebastian’s forehead. “I won’t leave again,” he promised quietly, moving back down to the chair beside Sebastian’s bed.

~

Jim didn’t bother them again, thankfully, and John was able to stay with Seb for the next week with no problems. He ate and slept at the hospital, even took showers there, and the staff let him because it kept Sebastian calm if he was always nearby.

He smiled at Seb as he walked back into the room from a run for some food and tea, and some water for Sebastian. “How are you?” he asked, perching on the edge of the bed and smiling down at Seb.

The week had been rough, spent mostly sleeping or just drifting, pumped full of pain meds but he was better. He could at least move a bit more now and talk properly though his speech was still a bit slow due to the drugs. 

"Better, I just want to go home." He reached out and took John’s hand in his own, pulling it to his mouth and kissing John’s fingers. 

"I just want to go home and lie in a good bed with you and watch shit films. How long did they say I would have to stay?"

John smiled, reaching up with his other hand to adjust the oxygen tube so that it sat better under Seb’s nose. “I asked while I was out, and they’re okay with us going home tomorrow. But you’ll be on bed rest for at least another week, and they want you to stay on oxygen for another couple of days,” he murmured.

"But at least we get to go home," he said softly, leaning down to kiss Sebastian’s forehead. 

"Thank you." He smiled up at John,

"Does this mean you’re going to be my doctor? Are you going to wear a uniform?" Sebastian managed a weak laugh and tried not to shift his oxygen tube again.

"Does it mean I get sponge baths?" He gave him another grin before huffing slightly in annoyance.

"The oxygen is more than annoying."

John swatted gently at Sebastian’s shoulder. “You’ll be able to walk, so you’re probably going to be taking showers, not baths. Showers are cleaner,” he said, smiling softly at Seb.

"It’ll be alright. Just a couple more days, then that can go away," he promised, kissing Sebastian’s lips. "It’ll be nice to just be home again, though.”

"You’re still going to help me shower right?" Sebastian gave John what he hoped was an endearing smile before managing to pull John down for another kiss.   
"But your right it will be nice to be home. They better p-pers… give me painkillers as good as these." He looked up at John, yes they made him a bit loopy but it was nice he wasn’t hurting and he couldn’t really think properly. He could just focus on John. 

John chuckled, kissing Sebastian again. “They’ll give you good painkillers,” he said. “I’ll make sure of it.” He looked down at Sebastian sweetly, wishing that he could do something more for him, wishing that this hadn’t happened in the first place.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he gave Sebastian an apologetic smile before pulling it out and reading it. He responded quickly and then pocketed it again.

"I’ll be back in a moment, love," he promised, hopping off the bed. "Sherlock said he wants to see me, but they won’t let him back here," he said, cupping Sebastian’s chin and kissing him one more time. "Five minutes, yeah?"

"Only the best for me baby." He managed another smile before waiting for John to check his phone. He frowned as he mentioned Sherlock, letting John kiss him before speaking,

"Are you sure. What about last time?" He grasped John’s wrist lightly, 

"What if it’s not him? Why won’t they let him back here?" He hoped to god it was the drugs making him this panicky, he would hate for it to be psychological and for him to be this dependant on John for quite possibly forever. 

"What if you get hurt, John please. Make sure there are people around." He gave John’s wrist a light squeeze before letting go reluctantly,   
"Five minutes. If you’re not back, I’m getting out of this bed myself to come and get you." 

Sebastian nodded and let John leave, it was starting to worry him how much he needed John around him and he knew it wasn’t for John’s sake, it was for his own.   
If John was out of the room for too long he would start to panic and no matter how much he tried to rationalize it he would still panic. Once or twice he had even given the doctors a scare when his heart monitor went slightly crazy. 

John smiled softly. “You stay right where you are. You’re just starting to get better,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’ll be right back,” he promised, giving Sebastian another smile before he left the room.

He tried to relax again, John said he would be five minutes and he believed him. He lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, the action made much more pleasant by the morphine still in his system, while he waited for John to return. 

John only had to turn the corner before he found Jim waiting for him, leaning against the wall with a grin on his face. “Knew you’d come, Johnny boy. You’re so loyal, even to masters you don’t like.”

John clenched his jaw, glaring at Jim. “What do you want, Jim?” he pushed out, clenching his hands at his sides. “Didn’t find what you were looking for the last time you stopped by?”

"Just checking on my pets," Jim said, appraising John. "You seem a bit more self-assured. Did you tell little Sebby what had happened? All the little intimate things I did to you?"

John clenched his jaw, looking away. “I didn’t have to. He figured it out.”

"I’m sure the bruises and the cuts were a big giveaway," Jim chuckled, a gleam coming to his eyes. He stepped forward, getting into John’s space and pressing him back against the wall. "You’re such a good little fuck, John," he whispered, his voice dangerous. "I could have you right here, right now, and no one would be able to do a damn thing about it. You’d probably enjoy it too, wouldn’t you?"

John turned his head away, earning a growl from Jim. “I’m not your little fuck toy, Jim. And I didn’t enjoy it at all.”

"Really?" Jim smirked, kissing and nipping softly at John’s neck. "Then why is this here?" he asked, cupping John through his jeans and finding him half hard. Laughing, Jim stepped away. "Don’t flatter yourself, Johnny. You like it rough." He blew John a kiss and then walked away.

Seething and pissed at himself, John returned to Sebastian’s room.

Sebastian heard footsteps coming into his room and he turned his head,

"John, baby." He reached out his hand for john and when he got close entwined their fingers.

"What did Sherlock want? Why did he come here?" Sebastian smiled up at John, he couldn’t wait to get home and just spend his time with John with no interruptions. "Why wasn’t he allowed in?"

John sighed softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “It wasn’t Sherlock, love,” he murmured, not wanting to continue to lie to him. “It was Jim. But it’s alright; he’s gone now, and we’re both okay,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss Sebastian’s forehead.

He sighed softly, shaking his head. “He didn’t hurt me, it’s fine,” he said, resting their foreheads together for a moment before he leaned away.

Sebastian took a long few moments to let the information sink in, it wasn’t Sherlock. It was Jim Moriarty, not Sherlock but Jim. John had either been tricked to going out again or he was lying to Sebastian and he completely refuse to believe the latter.

"You weren’t to know, he obviously tricked you into going out." He pushed himself forward, groaning slightly at the small amount of pain, before kissing John softly.  
"It’s okay, you didn’t know, as long as you’re okay." He lay back down and closed his eyes,

"You didn’t know." It was as if he was reassuring himself instead of john since he refused to believe anything else and he found himself grasping John’s had as hard as he could. It wasn’t as hard as it could have been but it still let John know he was there.

"You didn’t know."

John found tears brimming in his eyes at the desperation that was in Sebastian’s voice as he clung onto that thought. He hated that he had known, that he had willingly left the room knowing that Jim was waiting for him, but he couldn’t tell that to Sebastian, because he wouldn’t wound him like that.

"You should sleep, love," he whispered, smiling down at Sebastian. "You’re going to need your strength for going home tomorrow. Besides, all I’m going to be doing is eating, anyway," he said, looking over at the tray of food he had left.

"You’re not going to make me sleep this much at home are you?" Sebastian gave John a weak smile before deciding to listen to him and close his eyes, he would be home tomorrow and everything would be better. 

~

Getting home was a bit of a pain, and that was an understatement. Sebastian could walk well enough with a bit of help but it was the fact he was being asked to stay on oxygen for a bit longer and it was the oxygen that was getting in the way of everything.   
He thanked every higher power when they finally got home and he was lying in their bed with a decent game show on the TV and a decent cup of tea. 

"John!" He couldn’t exactly shout but it was loud enough for John to hear from the kitchen. 

"Come and lie down with me, I’ve missed it." 

John was glad that they were finally home. He was starting to hate staring at the hospital walls, starting to hate the smell of antiseptic and the way the nurses would smile every time they came in the room. 

But they were home now, so everything was better.

"I’m coming, hold onto your panties," he called ahead of him as he walked down the hall to the bedroom, holding his mug of tea and a tray of biscuits. "You complain as much as my mother used to," he teased, setting his mug aside and climbing into bed beside Sebastian.

"I’m not complaining!" He turned and smiled at John before eyeing up the biscuits he had brought through, he gave john a bigger smile, 

"Johnnnnn, you’re going to have to feed me, I can’t reach." He looked up at John who was sitting propped up and he nudged him with his good arm as hard as he could. 

"Come on, I need to make the most of you looking after me. I’m milking it for all it’s worth, are you going to give me a shower later?" Sebastian knew he was talking too much but he couldn’t really stop himself, he assumed he would be like this until he moved on to regular painkillers. 

"John, biscuit!"

John snorted, reaching for a biscuit and holding it out for Sebastian to munch on. “If you’re going to keep on like this, then I may have to video you. And you would kill me if I did that,” he teased, leaning over to kiss the tip of Sebastian’s nose.

The internal guilt of what he had done still weighed heavily on him. He hated that he had lost control so badly, and he wasn’t sure he trusted himself to not do it again.

"Don’t worry. I’ll look after you. I’ll spoil you, yeah? You can make it up to me later," he murmured, reaching for his cup and taking a sip of his tea.

Sebastian grinned before munching on the offered biscuit and smiling when John kissed the tip of his nose and he reached up and stole a kiss from his lips. 

"I don’t have to make it up to you; you love me so you would do it anyway. Don’t video me though, that’s rude of you. It’s very rude." He reached out for John’s hand and linked their fingers together. 

"But if your spoiling me does that mean I get anything I want?" He waggled his eyebrows at John before nodding to his crotch and lifting his hips the best he could before starting to laugh quietly. 

"Johnnn I missed your mouth!"

"Sebastian Moran, you’re too drugged up to even get a proper erection," John chastised, swatting his hand lightly. "Behave yourself, or I’m going to increase your medication and make you fall asleep," he threatened, though there was a laugh in his voice.

He brought Seb’s hand up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles individually. “If you rest up properly and don’t do anything stupid until you’re healed, then you can use my mouth as much as you want, alright?” he reasoned, leaning over to kiss Sebastian’s cheek. “You’ve only got about a week of bed rest left.”

"A week is far too long, and is that a challenge? Because I’m taking it as a challenge. Just you wait." He gave John a lopsided grin before motioning him to move closer and carefully lie against his side. 

"I love you. You know that right? I always will, really. You aren’t even allowed to think otherwise because I said so." He pressed soft kisses against John’s head and his cheek. 

"I love you, I love you so much. You also need to stop with the guilt and I can see it in your face all of the time. You need to stop it." He kissed John again and entwined their fingers once more, "just stop it please." 

John hushed Sebastian and pulled him as close as he could without hurting him. He nuzzled into his hair and held on to him, closing his eyes.

"I almost killed you. I’m so unstable that I almost killed you. How can I stop blaming myself for that?" he asked softly, not really wanting an answer. He petted his hands down Sebastian’s back and arms, reassuring himself that it was fine, that Sebastian was here.

"I know it must be hard but I’m still here aren’t I? I might be a little doped up on meds but I’m in one piece and I still love you." He breathed in as deeply as he could and sighed at the feel of John carefully touching him, as if he was making sure he was real. 

"I think the fact I love you should be more than enough to be going on. We can get you help if you want it, if you don’t I will be your help but the first thing you need to know is that this truly wasn’t your fault. You weren’t to know." Sebastian sighed again, 

"Listen, let’s just focus on the present right now. Everything else comes later." He tilted his head for a kiss, nudging at John’s lips and kissing him slowly, letting his tongue lazily explore his mouth.

John whined softly as he kissed Sebastian back, returning his smile before going in for more. He kissed Seb for a long time, tasting the medication on his tongue and lips. 

He pulled away after a moment, resting their foreheads together and closing his eyes. “I love you,” he murmured. “God, Seb, I love you so much.”

He could feel tears building up, but he didn’t care, not right now. He kissed Sebastian again, chastely, and then pulled away, reaching for his tea so that he could sip on it.

As John sipped at his tea Sebastian placed a hand on his side and stroked over the material of his t-shirt, tracing random patterns with his fingers. 

"Don’t cry. I hate to see you cry." He kept his hand moving over John’s side and he started to feel the slow rush of the painkillers he took earlier starting to work and he let his head fall back into the pillow and he sighed. 

"I never want to see you upset, you should only be happy baby and you deserve to be happy." His voice was starting to trail off and he stopped the movements at John’s side and just rested his hand there instead. "I just want you to be happy."

John hummed softly, setting his tea aside and readjusting his position so that he was lying down beside Sebastian. They weren’t quite touching, but it was close enough that John could feel the heat of Seb’s body against his own.

"I am happy, love," he promised, kissing Seb’s shoulder and taking up holding his hand again. "I am the happiest that I have ever been in my life, I swear," he murmured.

And it wasn’t a lie. He was happy; Sebastian made him happy. Guilt wasn’t the same as unhappiness.

"Gooooood." Sebastian drew out the word for as long as possible and made himself laugh quietly at the end. He should probably sleep to save further embarrassment from the meds but he didn’t want to waste any time with John, not at the moment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh these two! Comments and kudos are appreciated so much ^.^ come find us on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com & mxrmor.tumblr.com


	25. Chapter 25

The next few days passed rather uneventfully, Sebastian was positive that John had videoed him trying to take a shower while high on pain meds, he was sure he just ended up lying on the floor and letting the water run over him. 

He had healed very well, he was of course still very tender but that was of course to be expected. Apparently he was still due another couple of days bed rest but he was so sick of lying about so now while John was in the shower he snuck into the kitchen to find something to eat. 

He managed to make himself a sandwich and sit down at the table, it had been a lot more tiring than he thought but at least he had done it unaided and he started to eat.  

John finished up in the shower after a few minutes, taking a longer one than normal due to some aching muscles. He smiled to himself as he wrapped a towel around himself and stepped out into the bedroom, but he panicked as soon as he saw that Sebastian wasn’t in bed.

"Seb?" he called, walking quickly from the room in search of his partner. When he found him in the kitchen, he sagged with relief. "Don’t do that to me," he said softly, walking over to Sebastian and running a hand through his hair before kissing the top of his head. 

Once he was reassured that Sebastian was alright, he made his way back into the bedroom and pulled on some comfortable clothes again before returning to the kitchen to sit down beside Sebastian.

He waited for John to come back into the kitchen and sit down before he replied, 

"I didn’t mean to worry you baby I was just so sick of lying in bed." He finished the rest of his sandwich and leaned back in his chair slightly. 

"Though I have to admit lying down hurts a hell of a lot less." He winced slightly before pulling himself from the chair, he hadn’t really considering how tiring it would be getting back to the bedroom and he gave John a resigned smile, 

"You wouldn’t mind lending an old colonel a hand would you?" He held himself up by leaning on the table until John moved over to him and he wrapped an arm around his shoulders to lean on him. 

"You’re not old," John said teasingly, moving to Sebastian’s side and holding him close, minding his chest injuries. "You’re younger than me," he said, slowly walking them back to the bedroom and helping Seb into bed. 

"But," he added as he walked around to his own side, "even if you were older than me, I would still love you and help you back to bed, and I would definitely still call you my daddy," he murmured, leaning in to kiss Sebastian gently.

Sebastian hummed into the kiss and smiled at John when he pulled back.

"Hmm always good to know." Without warning, but still being careful, he pulled John down next to him so John’s front was pressed against his side.

"You’ll always be my baby." He grinned at John before reaching over for another kiss, this time flicking his tongue across John’s lower lip, nipping it lightly before slipping his tongue into John mouth.   
He took his time to taste him, keeping his movements slow and quite soft but it was enough to make Sebastian moan lightly into his mouth before pulling back.

"I missed this."

John smiled, running his tongue over his lips as he watched Sebastian, looking for any signs of pain that he might be in, but there was nothing, and that made John relax. 

"I always miss it," he whispered, leaning in for another kiss, but this time propping himself up on his elbow, running the tips of his fingers down Seb’s chest and over his stomach, feeling his diaphragm flutter at the light touch through the loose cotton of his t-shirt.

Without asking permission, his hand dipped down, cupping Seb through his lounge pants and slowly stroking his soft cock with his palm. He hummed, nipping at Sebastian’s lip before he pulled away enough to talk. “Still miss my mouth?” he asked, pressing open kisses down Seb’s jaw. 

Sebastian moaned softly when John palmed him through his lounge pants before looking up at John and smiling, 

"Of course I miss your mouth baby." He moved his own hand down and gripped John’s wrist before guiding his hand under the waist of his lounge pants to his cock which was just starting to show interest. 

"I miss every part of you." He gasped as John’s hand wrapped around his now hardening cock, his own hand on top of it and guiding the movements. He tilted his head back so John could access his neck and jaw slightly better. 

John smiled against Sebastian’s skin, running his thumb over the head of Seb’s cock, humming softly as he felt him come to full hardness. “I miss you too,” he whispered, kissing down Seb’s throat as he moved slowly down the bed, his hand still working until he was lying between Sebastian’s legs.

He pulled down Seb’s lounge pants until he was exposed, and he tenderly licked up his cock, taking his time to build up the tension as he swirled his tongue lazily, eyes shifting from closed to openly looking up at Sebastian.

It seemed like ages before he finally parted his lips and took Seb into his mouth, moaning softly at the taste of his hot flesh and a small stab of bitter pre-cum.

Sebastian let his head fall back into the pillow as John carefully moved down his body and starting working at his cock. He moaned deeply when John finally took him in his mouth, his hand finding John’s hair and stroking through the soft blond strands.

"Ah baby. Fuck, you feel so good." John’s movements were kept slow and lazy and Sebastian kept his hips as still as possible.

"Mmmm perfect." He kept his hand stroking through John’s hair as he lay and continuously praised John between breathy moans.

John just hummed, smiling softly as he took Sebastian a bit deeper. He was content to go at this pace, to not rush things and just let them both use this to relax. He was stressed, and he knew Sebastian was bored, and this would help both of them.

Out of nowhere, he pushed himself all the way down, moaning around Seb’s cock before he pulled back and returned to his slow pace from before.

His fingers traced idle patterns up Seb’s thighs, and he cupped his sac with his other hand, gently fondling him and every so often giving a gentle tug.

"Fuck, John!" Every so often he would take Sebastian’s cock as deep as he could before pulling back and going back to the slower pace and in all honesty Sebastian was surprised he had even lasted this long.   
He parted his legs more so John had better access and this time the grip tightened ever so slightly in John’s hair.

"You have such a gorgeous mouth, such a good mouth for daddy hmm?" A low groan escaped Sebastian as John took in as much as he could again and he rolled his hips slightly.

"Ah! Baby if you keep that up I’m gonna finish soon."

John let the praise sing through him, and he kept his head down, swallowing around Sebastian’s length before he pulled back up and suckled at the tip. 

He looked up, watching various expressions move across Sebastian’s face. He loved doing this to him, bringing him to pieces like this. All other times, Sebastian was in control, always in control. But not when John did this. When John’s mouth was around Seb’s cock, John had control, and Sebastian never let him down.

With a determined hum, John took him down again, purposefully swirling his tongue in such a way that he knew would tip Sebastian over the edge.

Sebastian looked down to see John watching him and that alone was enough for the small pressure to start building up in the pit of his stomach and this time he really did tighten his grip in John’s hair.

"Fuck, you going to swallow it all for daddy?" Sebastian’s breaths were starting to come quicker now and it was becoming more difficult to keep his hips still. As soon as he felt john sucking at the same time as his tongue moving around his cock Sebastian felt his whole body tense with pleasure and he was coming into John’s mouth with a shout.

His sensitive prick twitched as John sucked it clean and Sebastian murmured to him softly, telling him how good he was, how he had such a brilliant baby and how perfect his John’s mouth was.   
After a couple of minutes to compose himself Sebastian patted the bed beside him and looked to John,

"Come here baby."

John hummed, nearly purring, as he pulled off and put Sebastian’s lounge pants back on properly. He slowly crawled up the bed, depositing himself on his side next to Seb. 

"Yes, Daddy?" he asked softly, closing his eyes as he rested his head against Seb’s shoulder. The air smelled like sweat and sex, and John nearly moaned as he licked a stripe of perspiration from Sebastian’s neck.

Sebastian brought up a hand to stroke over John’s face and neck when he rested his head on his shoulder before tilting his chin up and pulling him forward.   
He pressed a soft kiss to John’s mouth before immediately parting his lips and letting his tongue slip past. He moaned softly, there was something incredibly erotic about tasting himself on John lips and tongue. As he was kissing John he closed his eyes and forced himself onto his side, thankful that he could actually move now.

He stroked a hand down John’s waist and down over his backside, squeezing lightly before ghosting his hand over Johns cock through the material of his pants. He pulled back from the deep kiss so they could take a breath and he took the time to just look at a John.

"Gorgeous, I wish I could do so much more baby. I want every inch of you, inside and out. Maybe you could lie here and just let me play with you hmm?" While he was talking his hand and sneaked under the waist band of John’s pants and he was softly running his thumb over the head of his cock.

"Would you like that baby? I bet you could lie there for hours until you’re a shivering mess while I played with your hole."

John shivered at the thought of that, closing his eyes for a moment as he focused solely on Sebastian’s hand and where he was touching him. He wasn’t sure about hours of lying here, but then again, Sebastian was very good at what he did, and could probably easily take him apart that slowly.

"Yes Daddy, please," he whispered, pushing his hips forward a bit to get a little more friction on his cock. He missed Sebastian being in control, pushing him in various places until he snapped. He wanted that again.

"You’re so eager." When he spoke he rubbed his thumb over the tip of John’s prick again, smearing the pre-come there before wrapping his large hand around John’s shaft and squeezing lightly. 

"You going to be a good little slut and get me the lube?" Instead of moving his hand from John he started to stroke his cock slowly, he wanted to see if John had the will power to move away from his touch that he had been craving for a very long while.   
At every other stroke upwards he would rub his thumb over the tip and smiling at the way John shuddered. 

John whined, biting his lip and closing his eyes, focusing on what Sebastian was doing at the moment before he eventually just pulled away, rolling over and getting the lube from the drawer. 

He returned to facing Sebastian, smiling as he handed it over, settling more comfortably on his side, since he knew he was going to be there for a while. “Please, Daddy,” he whispered, shaking a bit already just from anticipation.

Sebastian shifted slightly closer to John and tugged at the waist band of his pants, telling him silently to take them off. Once the material between them was gone he pulled John’s leg up so he could easily reach John’s arse and his cock was rutting against Sebastian’s hip. 

He gently stroked his hand up John’s thigh before following the curve of John’s arse and ghosting his fingers over the puckered entrance. He pulled his hand back and generously slicked up his fingers before kissing John softly, 

"You are allowed to cum until I say, okay baby? Though if you end up begging well enough I might consider it." He grinned at John before moving his slicked up fingers to John’s entrance and started stroking gently over the sensitive skin but not pushing in just yet. 

John nodded his understanding, relaxing his body as much as he could before Sebastian started playing with him. He whined softly at the press of his cock against Sebastian’s hip, no friction because he wasn’t moving, but still pressure. 

He mewled softly at the slick slide of fingers over his hole, and he groaned when Sebastian just teased, leaving him waiting, holding his breath for the pressure to come. “Daddy,” he whispered, pleading softly for something more, something that would make him struggle to keep his composure.

At the first small crack in John’s composure Sebastian smiled and kissed his slowly, licking his way into John’s mouth as he slowly pushed one finger into John.   
His entrance was tight and hot around his finger and Sebastian moaned softly into John’s mouth, mostly because he couldn’t stop himself but also because he wanted to wind John up. 

He kept the kiss slow and lazy, matching it with the movement of his finger. Occasionally he would pull all of the way out and tease over his perineum before pushing back in and doing this unrelenting for at least a few minutes.   
He would alternate between kissing John slowly and leaning back just to watch his face for every reaction, 

"So gorgeous baby." 

John would whine when Sebastian moved away, and hum happily when he came back. He smiled up lazily at Sebastian now, flexing teasingly around his finger before relaxing again. 

This was nothing. He could do this for days if they wanted to. But Sebastian couldn’t stay on his side for that long yet, so John whimpered again and leaned forward to nip at Sebastian’s lip. 

"You know I can take more than that, Daddy," he whispered, having expected a much more torturous experience than what was currently unfolding.

"Hmm I know you can baby, but do you not want me to enjoy myself?" He gave John a firm look before removing his hand completely and pushing John’s leg off him, rather harshly. 

"Turn over, on your side facing away from me." He half let John move himself and half pushed him into position, Sebastian pushed John’s leg up and quickly shoved two slick fingers into John. 

"If you touch yourself, I’m going to stop and you won’t be allowed to cum for a week." He voice was almost a growl and he bit John’s shoulder, sucking at the skin and marking him. 

John’s gasp was lodged in his throat as Sebastian pushed him around, making him face the wall. He yelped when two fingers were suddenly shoved into him, and he reached back and grabbed Seb’s wrist, holding onto it tightly.

His head was still spinning from the sudden change in what was going on that he hadn’t realised he had said his safe word until everything stopped and he said it again, whispering it as he folded his shoulders forward.

"What the hell was that?" he asked softly, his voice muffled by the duvet and his arm, his shoulder stinging from where Seb had bit it.

Sebastian stopped immediately and stopped touching John, quickly wiping his hand on the quilt before shifting up slightly and speaking in a calm and hopefully relaxing tone. 

"Shh, it’s okay baby. It might have a been a short flashback, minor panic attack, I don’t know baby." He wanted to hold John but didn’t know if touching was allowed, knowing that sometimes being touched made things worse. 

"Can I touch you?"

John sat up and looked down at Sebastian. “No, I meant that…” he waved his hand in the air to gesture at Sebastian and to encompass what they had been doing. “Scared the shit out of me. You can’t just…”

He bit off, turning away and wondering if he sounded like a whiny child. He told himself to calm down, to breathe, and he flopped back down onto his back. “You can’t just go from being soft and caring in one second and then being hard and forceful the next. I need time to adjust,” he murmured, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before he closed his eyes.

He scrubbed his hands over his face and shook his head. “Sorry. It’s a stupid reason.”

Sebastian’s stomach filled with guilt, to the point it had make him feel sick and he had to take a couple of deep breaths before he could speak, though he wasn’t sure of what he would say at all. 

"It’s not a stupid reason, it’s, you… I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you and that, you obviously need to adjust. I’m sorry. I should have known." His breaths started to come slightly quicker and he calmed himself down again before forcing himself to sit up and throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. 

"I’m sorry I just, you probably don’t even want me to be here right now, so I will give you your space. I just, I don’t want to mess anything up. Not again." Sebastian gave John a soft smile before he forced himself to stand up and walked carefully out of the room, knowing that when he used to have his episode he always needed space.

He wanted to scream, nothing seemed to go right for him and it was so fucking frustrating. He just wanted to John to be okay and he was even fucking that up, he walked steadily to the spare room and all but collapsed onto the bed closing his eyes and covering them with an arm.

Why the fuck couldn’t anything go right? Why did he have to mess everything up? He only wanted the best for John.

John blinked, his stomach clenching in worry at the suddenly empty room around him. “Seb?” he called softly, standing up and slowly walking into the other room. 

He sighed softly, walking over to the bed and crawling in behind Seb, curling up around him with his arm flung over him.

“Don’t do this to yourself,” he whispered, kissing his shoulders and the back of his neck. “I don’t want you to leave; I never want you to leave,” he breathed, closing his eyes as he held onto Sebastian a little tighter, mindful still of his injuries.

Sebastian jumped a little when John got into the bed beside him and curled into him, the soft kisses catching him completely off guard. 

"I’m never going to leave, I could never leave you and that’s the problem." His voice was barely a whisper, scared if he spoke any louder the calm quiet would leave and he would be back to the start. 

"I am so dependent on you sometimes the thought of you not wanting me makes me feel sick. I don’t know when it happened and I can’t control it. I can’t stand being away from you, no matter what would happen I would be there for you, I would do anything you asked without question and that thought fucking terrifies me. It’s not right John, it’s messed up, I’m messed up and I’m broken and you’re still here and I don’t know  _why_.” 

John was quiet for a long moment, waiting to make sure that Sebastian had got out what he wanted to say before he leaned up on his elbow and rolled Seb over, leaning down to gently kiss at his shoulder and up to his neck.

"First of all, I will never not want you," he said softly. "If you would have stayed and given me a moment to catch my breath, I probably would have been alright trying again." He kept up his light kisses, his hand moving to trace along some of Seb’s older scars. "Secondly, you’re not broken. Not like that. You’re my brave colonel, and you’re okay," he murmured.

"We’re both a little fucked up, and yeah, maybe we’re a bit dependent on each other, but that doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with us," he said softly. "You just need to take a moment and breathe, because I love you so, so much, and I’m never going to stop loving you, and I’m never going to leave you. Alright?

Sebastian sighed as John kissed him and he tried to relax but it was hard to break himself from his current train of thought. 

"I even messed that up, I should have stayed. I shouldn’t have left you and I can’t do anything right. I couldn’t protect you." He breathed in deeply and tried to exhale slowly, trying to at least slow down his thought process.   
"I don’t know why you stay but I couldn’t be any more thankful. I love you. I just want… I don’t know. I just know I want you here." His voice cracked and he desperately tried not to let the barrier break. 

"Fuck, John I just, I don’t know."

John made a small noise, pulling Sebastian close to his chest as he lay back down. “I think you need to just let it out,” he whispered, pushing his fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “Anyway that you think will help, just let it go,” he breathed, kissing Sebastian’s temple.

He knew that this could lead to violence, but John was used to that, he could handle violence or crying or screaming or whatever, but he couldn’t handle seeing Sebastian like this.

"Please, love. Please just… don’t hold this in." He tightened his hold on the other man, burying his face in his hair.

"I can’t. I can’t let it go." Sebastian moved his arms and help John close to him, pressing a kiss to any part he could reach. 

"I can’t, not right now." Sebastian closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath. 

"Just stay here. At least until I’m asleep. Right now that’s all I need." He gripped John as tight as he dared and let himself lie in silence until he eventually started to fall asleep. 

John just held Sebastian close, rocking him gently as he fell asleep. “Oh love,” he whispered, kissing the top of his head and just staying there, holding him as he slept.

Eventually, John drifted off as well, emotionally exhausted from the latest events, wishing that he would have just kept up with it. A little discomfort on his end would have been better than putting Seb through this. He slept fitfully, and ended up waking an hour later, finding Sebastian stirring beside him.

Sebastian’s sleep was disturbed and he was mostly slipping between being semi-conscious and completely dead to the world. It was strange, he was sure at some point he was awake but it seemed like he was in some kind of dream state. 

This time he did wake up and he was completely drenched in sweat but shivering with it, he was slightly confused for a few long moments before he felt someone next to him. He reached out a hand blindly and found John’s arm and managing to choke out the word water. 

It felt as if he had a fever but his brain simply couldn’t catch up and his mind was slightly fuzzy. 

"John? W-wat.."

John was already off the bed and moving away from him to get the glass of water that had been asked for. He returned with a new cold flannel to switch out for the last one, and he quickly wiped off Seb’s face and helped him to sit up.

"Easy," he whispered, only letting Seb take a few small sips at a time. "You’re burning up. Your stitches might be infected, but I didn’t want to check while you were sleeping in case it woke you up," he murmured, taking away the water and making Sebastian lie back down.

"Let’s take a look, yeah? We might need to run into the hospital again." He gently lifted Sebastian’s shirt, taking a peek at the stitches on his side.

Sebastian couldn’t do much but groan as he sat up, sipping at the water and moaning as it soothed his throat. He let John move him, too feverish to do it himself and he let his head fall back onto the pillow. 

"Don’t want, ho-hosptial." Sebastian frowned with the effort of speech but forced himself to talk anyway, 

"You’re a doctor, you can… you." 

"I can’t help you if the infection is inside," he said softly, petting Sebastian’s hair. "These all look okay to me," he murmured, swearing softly and resting his head on Seb’s chest for a moment.

Shaking his head, he pulled out his phone and called the A&E, explaining what was going on. After some discussion, they decided that an ambulance again would be best, and John hung up, moving back up to Seb.

"It’ll just be for a couple days," he said softly, petting the side of his face, wincing at how hot he was.

"No, John, please." Sebastian opened his eyes again, trying to focus on John but everything was slightly blurry and he closed his eyes again. He tried shifting, pushing the quilt off him completely to try and cool down, it felt as if he was in a furnace. 

"What is it? Why am I…" He started to breathe deeply, almost panting, the fever completely wracking his body. 

"J-John." 

John hushed Sebastian, trying to keep his own panic down as he took off the quilt and eased Seb out of his shirt. “Calm down, love, please,” he murmured, kissing his temple and quickly pulling away, feeling how burning hot he was. 

It took a few more minutes for the ambulance to arrive, and by that time, Sebastian was almost completely incoherent. John was dressed by then, and he quickly followed the responders down the stairs and into the ambulance, sitting quietly as they worked.

Sebastian was tired, not sleepy but tired of everything going wrong. Now look at the state of him, barely conscious with a severe fever and all if it stemmed back to him. If he hadn’t of wanted John, if he hadn’t of got his claws into John they wouldn’t be in this situation. 

He tried saying John’s name again but he wasn’t even sure he made a sound over the sirens of the ambulance and he was rushed to hospital. 

John was kicked into the waiting room as soon as they got to the hospital. He took his time signing Sebastian in, knowing that he was most likely going to end up needing surgery to take a look inside and fix everything that was happening. 

He sighed as he sat there, forehead resting on his knees. His body sagged with exhaustion. His shoulders hurt, and his left one was completely knotted up, but he didn’t move from his position, no matter how much he wanted to rub his shoulder or get up and pace or demand to go see Sebastian.

He just sat and waited.

Sebastian woke up slowly, he felt no pain and he wasn’t sweating this time but he was groggy, as if he was hung over. He couldn’t remember drinking and his mouth was awfully dry but it didn’t have that ‘taste’ and he felt surprisingly okay.   
That was until he moved and it felt as if everything in his head was made of cotton wool, like he had been pumped so full of drugs he had no idea of what was really wrong. He tried to speak but could hardly move his mouth. 

He started to hear the heart monitor and it was beeping fast, worryingly so considering he was practically sedated and suddenly a shudder wracked his body causing him to cry out. It felt like he had been doused in water with the chill that ran through him. 

John’s name was called after several hours, and he looked up to see a young nurse approaching him. 

"What’s wrong?" he asked, immediately worried. Something was wrong if he wasn’t allowed to see Sebastian yet.

The nurse gave a tight smile. “He’s gone into septic shock,” she said softly. “We’re working on it.”

"Working on it?" he nearly shouted, nerves running through him and making him turn violent. "What the hell does that mean?"

Sebastian felt wrong, it felt like he was fading and he didn’t know where he was, where was John shouldn’t he be in bed? They were going to go to sleep.   
He felt as if he was drifting in and out of consciousness and just put it down to being sleepy, unaware of the oxygen tubes and IV’s currently attached to him. 

Maybe he had went for water? Yeah Sebastian was sure he wanted water, but he didn’t want it anymore. Maybe John was in the bathroom? He was tired, he would go to sleep and wake up with John next to him, he shivered violently and tried to pull the quilt up but couldn’t move, perhaps he was just that tired?

John wasn’t allowed to see Sebastian. He wasn’t given any updates other than the brisk, “we’re still working on it” bullshit. He finally just resigned himself to going home, where he passed out on the bed.

John didn’t even hear from Jim in the days that he waited for a call from the hospital. He knew that there was no point going down there if he hadn’t been called, so he forced himself to stay home, to talk to Sherlock and try to plan things out.

All the while he couldn’t keep his mind from drifting to Sebastian, lying alone in the hospital.

Sebastian eventually woke up a few days later, they had kept him sedated to keep his heart rate as level as they could get it as he was constantly being fed antibiotics through and IV and being kept on a nasal oxygen tube.  As soon as he woke up a doctor was with him, telling him that everything was okay and he couldn’t even nod to let him know he understood. 

He simply lay there, waiting for his body to start co-operating but the doctor said it could take up to two days before he could even move his arms properly thanks to the heavy sedation and the impact his body had taken from the severe fever.

As soon as John got the call he was on his feet and running about the flat, shutting off lights and grabbing his coat, keys, and wallet, before making a mad dash for a cab.

Someone was waiting for him at the hospital, and he was escorted to Sebastian’s room immediately before being thankfully left alone with Sebastian. Swallowing, John walked over to the bed and sat down, offering a kind smile.

“Hey,” he whispered, taking Sebastian’s hand in his own.

Sebastian could barely move his head toward the general direction he heard John’s voice coming from but he lay for a minute just making sure that it was John’s voice he had heard. Once he faintly felt his hand being held he knew it was John and he desperately wanted to say something but at the best managed a small rasping noise. 

After an internal scream of frustration he realised he could blink and he could just talk to John through that and so he started blinking in morse code and john would hopefully pick it up.

'D r u g s c a n t m o v e y e t.' He closed his eyes for a few moments, giving them a small reprieve before starting again,

'F i n e i n t w o d a y s.' John made a small sound, but he nodded.

“Alright. I understand, love,” he whispered, leaning in to kiss Sebastian’s forehead. “Just be still then, yeah? Take care of yourself,” he whispered, pulling away to smile down at Sebastian.

"Get some rest," he murmured, petting his hand through Sebastian’s hair until he felt him fall asleep.

Sebastian couldn’t do much but give in and go to sleep, just happy that John was there. He slept as he did before, feeling as if he was drifting in and out of consciousness.  
He was unsure how long it was before he woke back up fully and he forced his eyes open adjusting to the small amount of light he sought out John and a smile pushed its way on to his face.

"Baby." It was more of a quiet croak than any form of word but at least he had managed it this time and he looked over to the man and concentrated.   
He managed to move his hand the few millimetres enough to brush it against John’s.

John’s eyes shot up to Sebastian, and a deep breath of relief dropped from his lips. “Hey there,” he whispered, ignoring the tears brimming in his eyes.

He set his hand over Sebastian’s, holding it and stroking his thumb over his knuckles. “You gave me quite the scare, you know,” he whispered, looking up to meet Seb’s gaze, and he leaned down to kiss his forehead for a moment. He feared this might become an unconscious habit, now, checking for fever while showing affection.

"Do you need some water, love?"

Sebastian managed a small nod; John was really going to have to help him drink it because he could still barely move. He waited for John to fetch some water and managed another smile when he came back with a full glass.   
He watched as John put it on the side and moved him into a sitting position, he groaned slightly as his body hurt from the residual fever and he parted his lips so he could accept the water. 

He nearly spluttered at first but managed a few small sips and relaxed again, staying in the supported sitting position and looking to John. 

" ‘m not gone yet." He could see John straining to hear him but he couldn’t repeat himself again, it was still a bit too much.

It took John a moment to piece together what Sebastian had said, and he managed a smile at that. “No, you’re not. And you had better stay that way,” he whispered.

He finally forced himself to set Sebastian back down, being gentle with his body because, as a doctor, there was no other way he could be.

"I love you, you know," he whispered, smiling even though there was a fresh spring of tears welling up. It hurt him to see such a strong man so utterly helpless. "I love you so much."

"You too." Even breathing was starting to become slightly difficult and he was, for once, glad of the oxygen tube. He looked up at John, trying to reach out for him again and giving a small smile that if anything looked more sad. 

"Don’ cry. Be fine." Well Sebastian hoped he would be alright, he didn’t much care for himself but he couldn’t leave John. 

John sniffed, but he nodded, holding Sebastian’s hand tightly and kissing his knuckles. “You had better be alright,” he whispered. “Because I know that we just went through your dramatic desperation of how dependent you are on me, but I’m ridiculously attached to you, too. You are absolutely not allowed to leave me, you understand?”

He rested his head lightly on Sebastian’s chest, closing his eyes and listening to him struggle for breath. “You’re not allowed to die. Not now. Not like this,” he whispered.

"Not gonna, will be a blaze of glory." Sebastian managed a weak laugh but suddenly tears filled his own eyes, he was scared, scared he might not even leave this hospital.   
He had never been scared of death, not before John. Now he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him, leaving him alone. 

"I d-don’t want to die, not anymore." He would probably regret telling John that when/if he got better but he just had to let him know. 

John choked on a sob, holding Sebastian tighter. “Shh, shh, love,” he whispered, reaching up to pet through his hair, though he didn’t move otherwise. 

He felt Sebastian crying beneath him, felt the little shivers under his cheek that signalled shortness of breath. John was right there with him, until eventually, exhausted, they both passed out.

Sebastian was sure he had felt something touching his face but he couldn’t even force his eyes open. He knew, he knew something important had happened something with… John? Was it john touching his face? He couldn’t tell, for all he knew he could be imagining it. 

He wasn’t even sure he was awake; the constant beeping seemed to be an extension of him now so it all merged and he never knew. He couldn’t even tell if it was night or day, he didn’t have the energy to open his eyes and he knew he must be falling back asleep because the beeping was slowing down just like his breathing.

Must be falling back asleep, maybe he already was asleep?

John jerked awake when he heard the change in the heart monitor, and he swore loudly, jumping from the room and calling out a code blue down the hall. Even though he wasn’t a doctor there, he knew that it was a knee-jerk reaction for nurses and doctors to respond to.

He stood back as people flooded the room, trying quickly to get Sebastian’s heart working faster again, to get back into the normal beat instead of the slow pulse that was just getting slower by the moment. 

John stood still, enraptured, hoping and praying to whomever could hear him that Sebastian be okay, that he makes it.

It felt like someone was trying to wake him up again… No wait there was loads of people. What were they doing? He was just trying to get some sleep; he had to rest to get better right? He couldn’t even push them away because he could barely move, couldn’t they see that was why he needed his rest. 

Sebastian tried to push them from his mind, if he focused on the IV he could almost feel the rush of drugs in his system, he could pretend that they were still giving him a strong dose of sedative.

He let the feeling, real or not, rush over him and he relaxed. Felt himself almost melting into the bed and everything started to get quieter. That was better; it was as if they just didn’t want to let him sleep.

John could hear Sebastian’s heart monitor beeping slower, could hear it going crazy because Seb was in the danger zone now. “Sebastian!” he shouted, and a nurse rushed over to him and pushed him back. “Sebastian, don’t you leave me. Don’t you dare!”

Another nurse came over to join the first, and though John fought, they succeeded in pushing him out. John managed one last shout of Sebastian’s name before the door was closed on him.

Defeated, he slumped against the wall, whimpering as his hands came up and fisted in his hair. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated so much and come find up on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com and mxrmor.tumblr.com :)


	26. Chapter 26

Sebastian groaned when he finally woke up. He felt even worse than before, like he had been hit by a train so that must mean the sedatives must be out of his system and had stopped relaxing his body.   
He opened one eye and realized that a doctor was already there, hovering above him looking relieved. Sebastian managed to furrow his brow and croak out a broken, 

"What happened?" He had to concentrate to listen but apparently the infection had nearly shut down his entire body and he fell into a coma for nearly two weeks. He immediately thought about John, where was he?   
The doctor interrupted his thoughts and was speaking again, telling him that they fought the infection and the wounds were healing now though he would have some horrible scars. He simply lay and nodded gently before croaking out John’s name quietly. 

John hadn’t been able to do much except go home and try to get stuff done. Jim emailed and sent him out on several jobs, only once making him stay the night. Jim claimed that he was bored and needed distraction, though John assumed that it was more the case of Jim wanting him for himself, having already stated multiple times that he didn’t like sharing. John was getting creeped out by how many people suddenly found him so bloody worth fighting over.

Twelve days had gone by before he had finally received word from the hospital. Sebastian had woken up and was asking for him. 

So John went, didn’t rush, but steadily made his way to where Seb was waiting for him. He reached the hospital riding the lift up to Seb’s room in terse silence, being led in by some nurses.

Sebastian had been propped up against some pillows by the doctors at his request to sit up. His muscles were stiff from disuse but they said that, if he tried to keep moving the stiffness could be dealt with in a few hours though he would have to stay another couple of nights for observation.

He looked over when John came in and his eyes almost lit up at the sight of him and he smiled softly, 

"baby. ‘parently I slept in." He laughed weakly and waited for John to come sit next to him. 

John smiled, walking over to sit next to Sebastian with a small sigh. “Hey love,” he whispered, ducking his head down but looking up at Seb to meet his eyes. He was exhausted, but he tried to smile through it for Seb.

He reached out and lightly pet through his hair, running his fingertips in short patterns against his scalp. “I missed you,” he murmured. “It’s been a long two weeks. The flat’s really empty without you,” he said softly, shaking his head.

"Are you feeling okay?"

" ‘m better." He sighed as John’s hand found his hair and gently leaned into the touch. 

"Hope you haven’t made a mess." He smiled softly at John, he looked probably as bad as he did and he hated the fact that John was looking like that because of him. Because he just couldn’t get better. 

" I‘m sorry, should be out in a couple days." For some reason everything seemed soft, like everything wasn’t quite in focus and it was nice, kinda peaceful. He gave another smile to John, happy he was here. It was all he needed. 

"You don’t have to apologise, love," John said softly, worried about Sebastian still, even though he seemed to be getting better. "It’s certainly not your fault."

John still felt like he should be the one apologising. It was his fault that Sebastian ended up there in the first place. “Everything’s going to be okay. We’re going to go home, and then you’re not going to move from our bed until I damned well say you can,” he said, teasingly firm. 

His smile failing him, John leant forward and pressed a kiss to Sebastian’s forehead, glad when he found no fever there.

Sebastian hummed quietly when John kissed his forehead and he closed his eyes for a moment. Maybe this time he would be able to stay at home, if he had to stay in hospital ever again he would probably scream.

"Can’t wait for home." He opened his eyes again and looked back at John, his heart practically swelling just because he was there.

"Home with you, ‘s all I need."

John nodded softly, smiling and tracing Sebastian’s smile with his fingertips. “Me too,” he whispered. He pulled away and moved to sit at the chair beside the bed, feeling slightly too warm in the turtleneck jumper he had pulled on to hide the new bruises and cuts. 

"I went shopping," he said, trying to keep Sebastian’s mind focused on something other than healing. "I bought new drapes. And some new clothes for me," he said with a grin. "Bought something special for you when you get all better, too," he teased, giving him a light wink and a chuckle.

"You can’t tease me John, not fair." Sebastian managed a small laugh and smiled. Things were already looking up, somewhat at least, he was feeling better and he would be home soon. Hopefully with no more visits to the hospital then they would be able to actually start working on their plan.

" ‘av you seen Sherlock?" He coughed slightly, his throat still dry and he reached out for some water.

"I can tease you as much as I like," John laughed. "Besides, you’ll love it, and the drapes, and, well, everything," he said, picking up Seb’s hand and kissing his knuckles.

He hummed softly and shook his head. “No, Jim’s been keeping me busy,” he said off-handedly. “I haven’t even had time to text him. I suppose I probably should get on that, though.”

"He would probably know as soon as I woke." Sebastian gave a resigned smile and shook his head; he wouldn’t be surprised if he decided to swan in at any moment.   
Sebastian knew that Jim would have to give John a couple of Jobs while Sebastian was in here but he only realised John wasn’t wearing his regularly style jumper and he put the pieces together. He couldn’t even bring himself to be angry; he was just sad and guilty.

It was his fault again, it was always his fault.

"Sorry. I’m so sorry."

John shook his head, squeezing Sebastian’s hand and humming softly as he kissed the faint scars of battle on the back. “Don’t be sorry,” he whispered. “This isn’t your fault, okay? We’ll take care of it later, but don’t worry about me right now.”

He gave Sebastian a small smile, digging into his pocket to bring out his untraceable phone. He sent a text off to Sherlock letting him know exactly what was happening. Since he didn’t expect a reply, he then pocketed the device again. 

"You just focus on you right now, okay? Then we can go hell bent about whatever else you want."

"I can’t help it; I can’t even help you lying here completely useless." He watched as John sent a text, seeing which phone he used he assumed he was texting Sherlock. 

"Is he still going to help?" He hated admitting that he needed help, especially when he wanted to be enough for John but they needed Sherlock. 

"I just want everything to be fine. It doesn’t even have to be great, just as long as it’s okay." it was probably the most Sebastian had spoken so far and he coughed rather violently after the last word and had to sip at water for a few minutes before it calmed down. 

John shook his head softly, smiling at Sebastian because the size of his heart was so large for someone who loved so few. “Sebastian Moran,” he said, gently but firmly, “you listen to me right now. I know that you’re a colonel - you’re my colonel - and I understand your need to protect me and watch out for me, but you…”

He swallowed, reaching up to run his fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “You need me to watch out for you, too, you understand me? You are not allowed to be the only selfless one in this relationship. I will not allow you to throw yourself away for the sake of me being happy. This is obsessive behavior, yeah? You… I love you because you’re you, because you’re strong and stable, because I can lean on you. But there’s more than that. You’re there for me, and you give me independence when I need it. You need to trust that I’m alright, and that if I wasn’t, I would tell you.”

Laughing lightly, he leant in and kissed the tip of Seb’s nose. “I’m older than you. By far too many years. I’m capable of taking care of myself if I need to.”

"I’m sorry; I just want everything to be… Right." He smiled up at John before leaning his head forward as much as he could and stealing a quick kiss. 

"I love you. Plus I don’t care how old you are, you’re still my baby.”

~

He ended up having to stay for 3 more nights since he needed a few short sessions of physiotherapy just to get his muscles back in working order but finally he was home.   
He had walked in from the car himself and was promptly forced into bed by John. 

"I am sick of beds; could I not at least lie on the sofa?" He looked up at John and gave him, though he would later deny it, a puppy dog look making his eyes wide and pouting slightly.

John laughed, glad that they were finally home, glad that they were - hopefully - rid of the hospital this time. 

"No," he said, touching the tip of his finger to the tip of Sebastian’s nose. "No, you need to relax, not have distractions," he murmured, changing into some comfortable clothes and crawling into bed beside Seb. "Besides. At least this bed is comfortable, and at least I’m in it with you," he chuckled, kissing the side of Sebastian’s neck.

"Hmm I suppose that’s true, I have to admit I know it was awful but at least when I was out for nearly two weeks my wounds healed up nicely." He laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around John’s waist, stroking a hand over the thin cotton covering his side. 

"I missed this." He pressed a kiss to John’s forehead and smiled at him before stealing a proper kiss and keeping it slow. 

John hummed softly, his lips vibrating against Sebastian’s as they kissed slowly, just a press of lips and heated breaths as they pulled away to look at each other or find a different position. 

John eventually parted his lips, licking over Seb’s pout and into his mouth, groaning softly at the taste of him. Jim was nothing, nothing compared to Sebastian. Nobody had anything on how much John constantly needed to touch Seb, needed him near and healthy and warm beside him.

"I love you," he breathed as he pulled away, resting their foreheads together as he regained breath.

"Fuck, I love you too baby. I can’t believe I could never say it, I would be perfectly happy telling you it every minute." Sebastian brought his hand up and lightly stroked his fingertips over John’s face, tracing his cheek and his jaw.   
He gently shifted slightly and pulled John on top of him, letting John rest between his legs. 

"I don’t know if I have ever mentioned this, but you are gorgeous." He grinned at John before kissing his cheek and the corner of his mouth before finally kissing his lips again. He sighed softly and let his arms wrap around John’s waist and his hands splay out over John’s back. 

John hummed happily, kissing Sebastian back again with a little more heat as he kept his weight off of Seb’s chest. He knew that technically he was healed, and that he could rest as much weight as he wanted to on Seb right now, but he was afraid of breaking him.

"You tell me that a lot, actually," John whispered, nuzzling under Sebastian’s jaw, wishing that he didn’t smell so much like the hospital. "But I love to hear it," he murmured, nipping gently at his skin and the short beard that had grown in over his hospital stay.

"I feel like I don’t tell you enough." He tilted his head back so John could have easier access and he slipped a hand up John’s shirt and rested it on his waist, his thumb tracing small patterns over the skin.

"Because it’s true you know, you are gorgeous." He grinned and couldn’t resist letting one hand slip down and lightly pinch John’s backside. He moved his hand back up and slipped it under his shirt as well, resting it on the other side of his waist and softly stroking the skin.

"I’m sorry I left you in that hospital, it felt like I was giving up." His voice was lowered and he pressed a kiss to the top of John’s head.

"I nearly wanted to as well but you stopped me."

John made a small noise, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian’s neck. You are not allowed to give up,” he whispered, leaning back to look at Sebastian more firmly. 

He cupped his face, staring at him as he rocked on his hips, grinning at Sebastian. “You hear me?” he asked softly. “You can’t leave me. Not now, and not ever. You’re mine, and I intend to keep it that way.”

"I’m not going to baby, never." Sebastian couldn’t help but grin back before pulling John back down and peppering his jaw and neck in kisses. 

"Fuck, I’m never going to leave John, never." He started to place open mouthed kisses along John’s jaw before suckling lightly at the skin just under his ear.   
He continued to stroke his hands lightly over John’s back and sides, sometimes teasing over his waistband at the small of his back. 

"Hmm can we stay here for the rest of the year?" Sebastian laughed lightly and closed his eyes, resting his head back on the pillow. 

John stole himself and finally relaxed onto Sebastian, humming softly as his head nestled onto his chest. “We can stay here for as long as you want,” he whispered. “The end of the year isn’t too terribly far away; I think we could manage,” he teased.

His fingers traced along Seb’s side, running over ribs that shouldn’t be so prominent. “As soon as you feel up to it, I’m going to make you something to eat,” he said softly, leaning up to kiss under Sebastian’s chin. “And then we’re going to sleep for a few hours, and then I don’t care what we do.”

"John, I could quite happily never sleep again." Sebastian laughed lightly before stroked a hand through John’s hair and humming contentedly. 

"I am however all for some good food." He smiled and looked down at John, his hand still moving through his hair before he kissed his forehead. 

"Then some movies might be nice." He smiled again and moved his other hand over John’s back, his fingertips softly stroking over the smooth skin.

John shivered at how delicately Sebastian was handling him, but it brought a smile to his face despite how unnecessary it was. He nuzzled against Seb’s chest for a moment, glad that he could finally do so, and then he slowly pulled away.

"I’m going to go make that food," he said, smiling at Sebastian before getting up completely and walking off into the kitchen.

It was nice to have Seb back in the flat. He wasn’t sure how the man had lived by himself for so many years, because this place was huge and far too lonely with no one else there.

After quickly throwing together some hot food that would be easy for Sebastian to eat, but that wasn’t soup, he returned to the bedroom with a tray for the tea first, and then with the food.  

Sebastian returned John’s smile as he left the room to make some food and he hummed in appreciation when John brought in tea. He pushed himself up into a sitting position when John brought the food through and gave him his thanks.   
He ate quietly, completely focused on the food, he had forgotten how much he loved decent food and he occasionally hummed around a mouthful.

When he was eventually finished he drank his tea before putting his food tray down on the side and rolling over to face John.

"Thank you baby." Sebastian reached out and grasped John’s hand, entwining their fingers and sighing contentedly.

"You’re welcome, love," John murmured, still leaning against the headboard as he finished drinking his tea. He hummed softly, looking down at Sebastian contently. 

When he finally finished, he set his cup aside and moved onto his side to snuggle up to Sebastian. “I love you,” he murmured, nuzzling against Seb’s chest and nearly purring. “I’ve missed you a lot. It’s not the same when you’re not here.”

"I’m sorry baby. Let’s hope I stay home this time huh?" He let go of John’s hand and instead wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders and kissed the top of his head.   
He let one hand rest near the back of John’s neck so he could stroke his fingertips over the soft skin there, 

"I love you too, so much." He kissed John again before pulling him as close as he could and tangling their legs together. 

"My gorgeous baby." 

John smiled, kissing up Sebastian’s neck until his could kiss him properly. He let it go slow, not wanting to push Sebastian, even though he was nearly completely healed. John wasn’t going to risk that with him. It just wasn’t going to happen.

"My handsome daddy," he murmured, nipping lightly at Sebastian’s lower lip. "You’re so good to me."

"Only the best for my baby." Sebastian gave John a lopsided grin before pressing their lips together and licking his way into John’s mouth. He hummed softly and lightly scratched the back of John’s neck before pulling back and placing a kiss on his jaw. 

"I feel like it has been too long since we got to do this." He smiled at John before moving to kiss him again, his other hand stoking over John’s waist.

The noise that fell out of John’s mouth was pleasantly surprised, and he found himself eagerly leaning back into the second kiss, whining softly as their tongues slid together.

He pulled away, panting a little harder than he should have been. “I am not letting you fuck me, Daddy,” he said, smirking up at Sebastian. “You are still healing, and you can’t do anything vigorous that might trigger anything to happen.”

He was going to be very adamant about this. Absolutely no fucking until Sebastian was at 100% again. 

"John." Sebastian’s vice was almost a whine and he may have even pouted slightly. 

"You know it doesn’t have to be ‘vigorous’ exactly? Please?" He looked at John with wide eyes before rocking his hips forward gently and moaning quietly.   
"Babyyy ~" He smiled at John before dipping his head down and started to suckle lightly at the skin of John’s neck, occasionally laving it with his tongue and nipping lightly with his teeth. 

John’s arms tightened around Sebastian’s neck and shoulders, and he stretched his neck back, moaning softly. “Oh…” he whimpered, wrapping his leg around Sebastian’s and pulling him closer. 

He had to admit that he was gasping for it, wanting so badly for Sebastian to fill him up. It had been too long, and he hadn’t even taken himself in hand since Sebastian had been put in the hospital. He just… hadn’t felt like he wanted to.

"Daddy…" he whispered, his fingers threading into Sebastian’s hair. "I don’t want you to start hurting again. You’re supposed to be getting better."

"Well, you’re just going to have to be careful with me aren’t you?" Sebastian laughed lightly and pulled back, moving slowly and started stripping the clothes off both of them. Dropping each article to the floor and ignoring John’s concern for his health, he would just take it slow…

Once they were completely stripped Sebastian moved so he was sitting up against the head board and patted his own thigh, motioning for John to straddle his lap, unable to stop himself from stroking his own cock lightly before he spoke. 

"Come here baby." 

John licked his lips, slowly moving forward until he could sit in his daddy’s lap. He looked down at Sebastian’s cock, watching those sure fingers move over it. He wished Seb was healthier, wished that they could see just how long John could hold out, but this would have to do for now with Seb in the state that he was.

He tentatively reached forward, looking up at Seb from under his eyelashes. He was being a little more innocent tonight, because he knew that sometimes, when it happened rarely, Sebastian really liked it, and John wanted him to really like it.

"Yes, Daddy?" he asked softly, biting his lip as he ran his fingers over Seb’s chest, rubbing his nipples with soft palms.

Sebastian groaned when John settled in his lap and looked up at him like that. He wrapped one arm around John’s waist and pulled him closer so their cock’s brushed together, 

"You going to be a good boy and get the lube for me?" He moved the arm that was around his waist and stroked his hand down John’s back, his fingertips teasing gently at the cleft of John’s arse.   
"Are you going to get the lube for me so I can slick you up and stretch you open baby, look at you, you’re already desperate for it." He smirked and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to John’s lips.

John whined, rocking against Sebastian and trying to get his fingers to touch him more too. “Of course, Daddy,” he whispered, leaning over and trying not to move from Seb’s lap as he dug around in the drawer and pulled out the lube.

He handed it over to Sebastian, looking down at him still with a softer expression, making him look years younger than he was. “There you go, Daddy,” he said, giving him a soft smile, resuming his light touches over his chest.

Sebastian poured some lube in one hand, rubbing his fingers together to warm it slightly before moving it back to tease over the cleft of John’s arse again.   
He swore this time at the way John looked at him, the innocent facade made his cock twitch and he couldn’t help but rut his hips up so his cock rubbed against John’s.

He then dipped his head down, kissing his way down John’s chest before taking a nipple into his mouth and suckling lightly, occasionally flicking his tongue over the nub. As he done this he pressed in the end of one finger, just to the first knuckle, before pulling back and looking at John,

"My beautiful baby, you look so gorgeous in my lap like that." He eventually pressed his finger all of the way in, meeting little resistance thanks to the amount of lube and he started to move slowly.

"Hmm if you look so gorgeous like this I can’t wait to see you stuffed full of my cock." He licked his lips hungrily as he looked over John, looking at him like he was going to be devoured.

John gasped sharply at the way Sebastian was looking at him, and he blushed for effect, closing his eyes a moment and ducking his head down. He rocked back on Sebastian’s finger, trying to entice him to brush his prostate, but he didn’t.

John whined, the sound replaced by a gasp as Seb pushed in a second finger. John hadn’t been worked open in a while, and the burn surprised him. His breath hitched and his grip tightened on Seb’s shoulder. “Daddy,” he whispered, just needing reassurance that he was there. “D-don’t stop, please.”

"Shh I got you baby." Sebastian started to press open mouthed kisses to John’s jaw, occasionally licking over the flesh or murmuring reassuring words against his skin.   
He moved his fingers slowly in and out of John, starting to spread them slightly to stretch John’s hole, 

"Oh fuck baby, you’re so tight." Sebastian tilted his head back up and captured John’s lips again, licking his way into mouth and at the same time brushing the tips of his fingers over John’s prostate.   
He groaned at the way John squirmed in his lap, making their cocks rub together and Sebastian used the distraction to slowly add another finger. 

John moaned into Sebastian’s mouth, his voice hitching as his prostate was rubbed and the stretch increased with another finger. He hardly even noticed the friction of their cocks, because Sebastian was just so overpowering himself, and John was just trying to kiss him back.

With Jim, it was different. John blocked it out as much as possible, pretended not to feel anything. With Seb there was just so  _much_  to feel that he had to stay focused, had to try and feel everything. 

"Fuck, Daddy, please," he whispered, his hips jumping as yet another finger was added and his prostate was rubbed. "Please, please, I just want…" His voice jumped an octave and he whined, squirming and keening on Sebastian’s lap.

Sebastian used his other hand to grip John’s hip tightly, controlling the movement of his hips as he started to move his fingers faster, every other thrust brushing over John’s prostate, 

"Mmm since you asked so nicely baby." He licked his lips and smiled at John before very slowly removing his fingers and grabbing the lube again. He slicked up his own cock and bit his lip as he moved John’s hips into position. 

"You’re so gorgeous, so gorgeous." Ever so carefully he lined up to John’s entrance and started to move John’s hips down, slowly filling him up with his cock. He swore loudly at the tight heat enveloping him and his grip on John’s hips became almost bruising. 

"Oh, fucking hell John!"

John gasped and swore, his mouth open in a silent cry as Sebastian spilt him open and filled him up completely. “Fuck! Oh… Daddy…” he groaned, pushing his hips down and swearing again.

He had forgotten how huge Sebastian was, how fully he filled him and pressed against his walls and stimulated his prostate. 

"Can I move, Daddy?" he asked softly, biting his lip and trembling a little. "Please, Daddy, can I?"

"Oh gods baby, fuck!" Sebastian let his head drop down to rest against John’s shoulder for a moment so he could try and compose himself before he looked up into dark blue eyes and moved his hands up to John’s waist to steady him. 

"You can move baby." Sebastian brought John forward, so he still had leverage to move but also so Sebastian could hungrily kiss him, tasting every inch of John’s mouth when he finally started to move the kiss muffled Sebastian’s deep groan.

John whimpered softly, moving slowly at first, just a couple inches up and slowly down, and then a little more. He broke from the kiss so that he could breathe, each exhale coming out as a hard pant as he went faster, bouncing on Seb’s cock like he was born to be there.

"Oh, oh," he whispered, words and moans punctuated by gentle gasps as he kept moving, focusing on being gentle with Sebastian and with trying to please both of them. Honestly he wasn’t sure how Sebastian managed to be in control so often. It was bloody exhausting.

He bent forward, resting his forehead on Seb’s shoulder, whimpering and moaning as he rocked his hips for a moment.

Sebastian softly moaned when John picked up the pace and started to fuck himself on Sebastian’s cock and his grip on John’s waist tightened.   
When John’s head came to rest on his shoulder he turned to kiss John’s temple and just couldn’t keep still any more. He tightened his grip on John’s waist again and rocked his hips up slowly, but filling John completely before moving them back down.

The delicious sound he drew from John made his eager for more and he started to thrust up into John, keeping it slow but making sure it was deep.

"Fuck, you’re such a good boy for taking it all like that. Gods you’re amazing." Sebastian moaned unashamedly loud when he pulled john down on an upward thrust and rolled his hips so he was moving in John but not thrusting completely.

John whimpered, wanting to tell Sebastian to stop moving, that he could hurt himself, but he was too selfish right then, too desperate for more. 

He was gagging for it, stuffed full of Sebastian and just wanting more. “Some day,” he panted, burying his face in the crook of Sebastian’s neck, “we’re going to find someone, and we’re going to have a threesome. This is not debatable. It’s going to happen,” he said, moaning as he rocked up and then slammed back down all the way.

He rolled his hips, keeping them moving. “He has to be military. Good at taking orders.” He cut off with a whine when Sebastian suddenly slammed into him, and he tightened his grip on Seb’s shoulders.

"Fuck, baby you’re such a little cock slut." His tongue flicked out and kicked John’s lower lips before she moved to his neck and left a large, nearly vicious looking, mark.

"Do you want someone’s tight ass to fuck while I fuck into you? Or do you need your mouth filled as well as your hole because you’re so fucking desperate for it?" Have gave a particularly hard thrust up into John and moaned loudly,

"Or - fuck, or do you need even /more/?" Sebastian moved one hand from John’s waist, scratching his nails, down John’s side as he moved his hand back to John’s arse. He gave a harsh squeeze before starting to rub a finger over the skin being stretched by his cock.   
He squeezed John’s waist with his other hand and pulled him in for a desperate and sloppy kiss, just as he pressed the very tip of his finger into John along with his own length as he continued to thrust up into him.

John was still reeling from the harsh mark on his neck when Sebastian started asking him questions, teasing him, goading him. All John could do was moan. Until Seb got it right, and there was more pressure and stretching and -

 _Oh_.

He whimpered, his mouth dropping open with a gasp. His legs spread wider, begging for more and letting him sink down further onto Seb’s cock and now his finger too.

"Please," he whispered, trying to start bouncing again, but he could hardly manage more than rocking with the way his mind was fuzzing over.

"Oh gods baby, you’re so hungry for it. Fuck." Sebastian desperately wished he could see John’s stretched hole, the sheer thought of John wanting more made him groan deeply.   
The pressure around his cock was very nearly unbearable and he started to move his hips upwards slightly erratically. 

"Please? please what baby? What do you want?" Sebastian dropped his head down and sucked another mark onto John’s neck, claiming him as his own. No one else, he was Sebastian’s completely.   
He teased a second finger around John’s entrance, next to the other and he thought of another cock pushed into his already stretched hole and had to bite down on John again to control himself. 

John cried out, squeezing his eyes closed at the bites, the marks of possession. His cock twitched, and he could feel pre-cum dribbling down, pooling on Sebastian’s stomach.

"I… Daddy please, I want everything," he whispered, unable to list it all right then. He wanted more, he wanted less, he wanted it rougher, faster, harder, slower, calmer, sweeter. He wanted a cock in his mouth and another pounding into him with Sebastian. He wanted to be put on a leash and passed between a group of men like the slut he was. He wanted to cum.

He couldn’t form the words, though, not now, not when it hurt but it felt so fucking good. Not when Sebastian was still biting him and marking him possessively. He could hardly think, let alone speak.

"Please… everything."

He pushed in the second finger, the resistance he met making him groan but he worked it in until two fingers and his cock was buried were buried deep in John. 

"You can have everything, fuck, anything for you baby." He thrust his hips upward again, finding it harder to move, his brain practically shutting down. 

"Ah! Fuck baby, I’m gonna cum." Practically a second later he was shouting John’s name as he filled John with his release, his hips moving erratically as he used John to ride out his orgasm.   
He had to pull out immediately, suddenly overcome with sensitivity, but he immediately filled John again with his fingers. 

This time he slowly worked in four, stretching John again and wrapping a hand around John’s cock.

John gasped, caught between wanting to push back on Seb’s fingers and wanting to thrust into his fist. “Oh, fuck, Daddy,” he moaned, forced to just sit there as Seb stretched him and stroked him.

His breath hitched, skittered to a halt for a full thirty seconds. His heart was jumping in his throat and pounding in his ears when he finally came, and he choked in a long breath, whimpering and sobbing at the intensity of it.

He squirmed as Sebastian kept stroking him and pushing his fingers into him until he was far too sensitive and he had to grab Seb’s wrists and tug them away.

He collapsed on Seb’s chest, panting and choking on his breath as he tried to get back to normal, to steady his heart and fill his lungs with air.

As soon as John collapsed on him he wrapped his arms around the man’s shoulders and started to stroke the skin on his back softly.  Whispering into his ear as he sucked in huge lungfuls of air, almost gasping. 

"Shh, it’s okay baby. I got you, shh." Sebastian held John against him, every so often kissing his cheek or neck, letting him recover. He pressed another kiss to John’s head and whispered against his hair, 

"I love you baby." 

John took another moment to steady himself, to ground himself back to reality. Sebastian was good at that, good at getting him so high and then easing him back down. He trusted Seb implicitly.

"I love you too," he whispered, finally able to speak. "Fuck, that was… oh my god." He held on to Sebastian tightly, shivering because of the sensitivity of his skin. 

He slid off of Sebastian eventually, curling up against his side and making a small noise as he felt Seb’s cum leaking from him. “I’m serious. I want at least one more,” he said softly, resting against Sebastian.

"Mmm, trust me baby I will take care of it all." If he was being completely honest he had already started mentally listing people who he could ask, if he was going to do it he was going to go all out.   
Sebastian smiled to himself, already having a plan and he raised a hand to stroke through John’s hair. 

"When would you want it baby? You would just have to trust me, I will do anything for you and you just have to let me know." He pressed a kiss to John’s forehead and held him close. Closing his eyes and keeping his hand moving through John’s hair, every so often whispering hushed compliments and reassurances. 

John hummed softly, resting against Sebastian and just gathering himself again as he pretended to think about it. “As soon as you’re fully able to,” he finally said. “You need to be in control, and that means that you need to be healthy,” he murmured, leaning back a little to look up at Seb and kiss his jaw.

"Does that sound like a deal?" he asked, smiling softly, reaching up to trace his fingertips down Seb’s nose and cheek. 

"I love you so much."

"That sounds like a deal." He was right, he would have to have complete control of the situation, he had to make sure everything would go perfectly for his baby. 

"Only the best for you." He kissed John again and let his hand stroke down his back, playing over the skin. 

"We’re going to have to get cleaned up, you’re filthy." He gave John a lopsided grin before letting his hand trail further down and completely obscenely gathered his own cum on his fingers and pushed it slowly back inside John. 

John shuddered, letting out a ragged moan as he buried his face in Sebastian’s chest. “Oh god,” he whispered, sounding every bit as spent as he felt.

He wrapped his lips around Seb’s nipple and sucked on it, laving the pink skin with his tongue and looking up under his eyelashes. He popped off with an obscene sound, then licked his lips and pushed himself up onto his elbow.

"Let’s wash off, then," he said softly, carefully rolling from the bed so that he wouldn’t get it even dirtier.

Sebastian moaned softly as John mouthed over his nipple, smirking down at John before he moved from the bed. He took a deep breath himself and stood up, very carefully stretching out his muscles, still having to be very careful with his body at the moment.   
He followed John into the bathroom and turned on the shower, sticking his hand under to make sure it was hot enough before pulling them both in.

He groaned as the water ran over his skin and he held John close to his chest. Stroking his hands over, now wet, skin.

John leant against Seb with his eyes closed and his head tucked down. He was exhausted, and he knew that he would be extremely sore in the morning, but for now he didn’t care.

"Feels good," he whispered, letting out a soft breath as the hot water ran over them both, heating them up and loosening their muscles. "Gunna hurt in the morning," he said a bit sluggishly.

Wearily, he grabbed a flannel and the shower gel and started cleaning Sebastian’s body, tipping his head up to kiss him after a moment.

Sebastian hummed in agreement, letting himself be washed by John, humming as the cloth moved over his skin. He kissed back softly before taking the flannel from John and putting on more shower gel.   
He turned John around and started to clean his back, moving down slowly before cleaning over John’s arse, carefully dipping the flannel between his cheeks making sure he was properly cleaned.

"It just means we are going to have to spend the day in bed again." Sebastian groaned a moment later and rolled his eyes while he continued to wash the rest of John’s skin.

"Though we do have to meet with Sherlock sooner rather than later."

John sighed softly, turning his head around to look at Sebastian, and then eventually his whole body once his backside was done being washed. “Why? What do we need to talk to him about?” he asked, tilting his head as he reached back for the shampoo and started rubbing some into his scalp.

"Because the last time I checked, we didn’t have a further plan. Unless you’ve come up with something and haven’t told me," he said, refraining from phrasing the last sentence as a question. He trusted Sebastian, and a lot had happened in what was nearly the past month.

He rinsed out his hair, then stepped back so that Seb could have access to the water for his hair as well. Sebastian started washing his own hair before his answered John, chewing his lip for a moment as he pondered his reply. 

"It not so much of a plan, more of a really vague idea." He washed his hair slowly, massaging his own scalp as he looked at John.

"Well, if Sherlock has been doing as he said and taking down the parts of the network that needed to be dismantled then my idea might work. As long as the parts that would retaliate if Moriarty died were gone then we can get rid of him once and for all." He rinsed off his hair and pulled John to him, stealing a kiss before speaking again. 

"We need to get Sherlock to meet with Moriarty, offer him the ultimate distraction and when they meet I can kill Moriarty. Long range, no one would have to know it was me and then the network would by default go to me. I would essentially run everything." He cupped John’s jaw and tilted his head up so he could look directly into his eyes. 

"But most importantly, we would be safe and he would be gone."

John let out a soft breath and looked up at Sebastian, blinking a little rapidly to keep the spray of water out of his eyes. 

"I still need to go take out some people too," he said, thinking of people in the web that would be too close to Moriarty, or who would have an interest in keeping tabs on him. "And that needs to be done after Jim leaves to go to Sherlock, but before you kill him."

He dropped his head to Seb’s chest. “I’m too tired to think about this right now. Can we just go lie down? I want to sleep, and then later I want to eat a good dinner, and then I want to sleep again. Sherlock can come over tomorrow or something,” he mumbled.

"Yeah, come on baby." Sebastian turned off the shower and lead John out, grabbing them both a towel and handing one to John.

"We can go lie down and think later." Of course they should wait until they could plan it properly but he was sure it would be nearly impossible to get Sherlock over here.

"Sherlock can’t come here. There is no doubt Moriarty is keeping tabs on us. We would have to go to him. Possibly somewhere that is not Baker Street." He waited until they had both dried off and just left the towels on the floor in the bathroom before grasping John’s hand and pulling him back to bed.   
Once they were comfortable again Sebastian kissed John and pulled the quilt over them.

"But you’re right, let’s think of that later."

John sighed softly, but right now… right now he didn’t care. He winced as he settled down beside Sebastian to sleep, and he whined quietly as he had to readjust himself to get comfortable.

"Well, I know one thing," he murmured, closing his eyes as he settled down beside Sebastian. "When we do get to have that threesome or foursome or whatever, I’m requesting the day after as my day off," he chuckled softly, wrapping his arm tightly around Sebastian and holding onto him.

He drifted off a while later, safely nuzzled into Sebastian’s embrace.

"Don’t worry, you will be pampered the day after, I will make sure of it." Sebastian kissed John softly and made sure he had finally fell asleep before settling down himself but taking a very long while to stop thinking enough to sleep.   
It was going to be difficult to take Jim down, it would have to be planned down to the very last detail and have every single contingency plan possible. Plus this was all relying on Sherlock’s cooperation and the hope that they didn’t get caught before they could act.

After worrying enough for the both of them he finally fell into a rather unsettled sleep, his mind obviously still worrying as he tried to rest because if he didn’t John wouldn’t be too happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find us on tumblr at mormortrash.tumblr.com & mxrmor.tumblr.com, comments and kudos make us feel loved :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note, thank you so much if you're still reading and at this rate the entire fic should be uploaded shortly!

John woke up a few hours later, well rested but sore as hell. He groaned and shook his head, sitting up slowly and pushing off of the mattress. After grabbing a robe from the chair in the room, he pulled it on and limped into the kitchen.

The first thing he did was light a cigarette and put it in the ashtray while he took some painkillers. Then he took a quick drag and walked over to the fridge to look for something to make them for supper.

There really wasn’t anything. He hadn’t been food shopping in a while. So he picked up his phone and, after taking another short drag of the cigarette, he called the Chinese place down the street.

Sebastian woke up feeling groggy and cracked an eye open, noticing that John wasn’t in the room and forced himself to get up. He stretched carefully loosening his stiff muscles before walking into the kitchen, too lazy to bother with clothes. 

He saw John was on the phone and gave him a smile when he heard him ordering some food for them and he walked over to the fridge, thanking every higher power when there was a beer in there and opening it, bringing it over to the counter with him. Sebastian sipped quietly on his beer as John finished ordering food, 

"How you feeling baby?" He gave a pointed look at John who had apparently taken up smoking completely now before grabbing a cigarette for himself. 

"It hurts," John said, leaning against the counter beside Sebastian as he set his phone on the counter beside him. "But it’s fine. I took some painkillers." He smiled up at Seb, picking up his cigarette and drawing in a long drag before letting it out.

"How are you? Your chest okay?" he asked, setting down the cigarette again and moving to get a beer for himself. "For that matter, how are your legs and arms? You’ve been bed-ridden for a while. Muscles working okay?"

"A bit stiff, nothing that won’t work out. I just need to get used to working them again." He took a long drink of beer, unsure if being honest would make John uncomfortable but John would kill him if he just said he was fine. 

"Well, it doesn’t exactly hurt but I’m aware of the healed wounds. My lungs are all good though." Which he was eternally grateful for because the cigarette he was smoking was thoroughly enjoyable.   
"I’m going to be completely fine so you can stop your worrying." John shot a glance over at Sebastian, then ran his eyes over his body, taking in his new scars and the old ones.

“You’ll be fine when I say you’re fine,” John said a bit sharply. “I gave you those, and I get to be the one who says when I can stop making a big deal about it.”

He sighed, putting out his cigarette and picking up another. He lit it as he made his way out onto the balcony, letting out a breath as he sipped his beer and leant against the railing.

It took him a long moment before he finally just closed his eyes and tipped his head back, tossing the cigarette over the side before he finished it. He forced himself to calm down, using his old techniques from the army that he would practice before performing a surgery. He just needed to breathe.

Sebastian nearly flinched when John replied, it was a base reaction and he could stop it but mentally berated himself for it regardless. He watched as John took yet another cigarette and walked outside, he could tell he needed to be alone if the second fag was any indication.   
He left him to it and instead walked back into the bedroom, pulling on an old t-shirt and some lounge pants before going back through to the living room and curling up at one end of the sofa. 

When John finally came back in, Sebastian had had enough time to think things through and it was obviously his fault that John was upset. He should have answered John’s question differently so John didn’t get angry. 

"I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to upset you. You tell me when I’m fine, I’m sorry." 

John walked over to Sebastian and sat down beside him, curling up around him and pulling him back onto his lap to hold him. “I love you,” he whispered, burying his face between Sebastian’s shoulder blades.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m just angry at myself.” He sniffed, nuzzling against Seb and tightening his arms around him, his thumb stroking his stomach through the material of the shirt. “I’m so afraid of losing you that I don’t trust myself around you anymore. I don’t want to hurt you, Seb, I don’t.”

He knew it wasn’t technically his fault that he had stabbed Seb, but that didn’t take away the guilt of the jarring fact that it had still been his hands that had done that to him. “I’m so sorry. And don’t you dare tell me that I shouldn’t be,” he whispered, no anger in his voice, hardly any emotion at all.

Sebastian let himself be pulled back into the embrace, only truly realizing how much weight he had lost as John caressed his stomach. 

"Please don’t be angry at yourself, I will make sure you won’t hurt me again. I won’t let it happen to either of us again baby." Sebastian turned their position on the sofa slightly awkward but he still managed to steal a kiss. 

"I love you, don’t ever forget that. We can make this work." Sebastian leaned back against John and sighed quietly, 

"I’m just… I just need it to be like it was."

John snorted, then started outright laughing, going red in the face from not breathing as he buried his face against Seb’s shoulder and laughed so hard that he cried.

He gasped for breath, slowly coming down and wiping his eyes off. “Sorry, sorry. It’s just… the way it was before, we literally had sex every day and you hardly went to work, and I was going through an identity crisis,” he chuckled. “I don’t want it to be exactly like that again.”

When John  _finally_  calmed down and Sebastian had overcome his initial confusion then anger at John for laughing he pushed away from John and sat facing him on the couch. 

"Well at least you got a laugh out of me trying to explain something. Glad to know you found it amusing." He frowned at John, he wanted to laugh about it and make a joke about having sex every day so he could leave it at that but his brain evidently had other ideas. 

"You know how fucking hard it is for me to explain things, why would you do that? Why would you laugh at me?" He sounded desperate and needy, almost childish and he fucking hated it.   
As soon as the doorbell went, he jumped up to answer it, thankful that it went then so there was a distraction. He went and paid the guy, taking the food in and putting it and some cutlery on the table in front of John before heading into the bathroom. 

He wasn’t hungry and he needed to think, he really didn’t mean to react like that but he just couldn’t help it. Instead he ran the hottest bath he could stand and stripped off before sinking in, hissing at the burn of it on his skin. 

John frowned, opening his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by the door ringing, and then Sebastian disappeared. 

He tried to eat, but he couldn’t, not with his gut rolling like that, so he stood up and put everything away. Walking back into the bedroom, he dressed, then glanced at the clock and grabbed his jacket and his wallet and keys, leaving the flat a moment later.

They were both fucking stupid for trying to avoid each other when they were like this, but John was only confrontational when he was ordering people around, and he still thought of Seb as his commanding officer.

He growled, hunching his shoulders and ducking his head down as he continued on down the street, not caring where he went, just so long as he was moving.

Pretty soon, though, his stewing led to more negative thoughts, feelings that he hadn’t felt until now. Blaming Sebastian for the mess he was in, blaming him for turning his world into what it was. He even went so far as to blame him for his getting raped, and he hated himself for thinking it, but once his anger was churning in his stomach, he couldn’t let it go. 

He clenched his fists. He needed to hit someone, but he didn’t want to spend the night in jail, either. He needed to hit  _Sebastian_ , but his doctor side wouldn’t let him, and so he just kept walking.

Sebastian finally got out of the bath when it started to cool, goosebumps rising on his skin until he dried off slightly and went into the bedroom to grab a robe. He realized he would eventually have to talk to John so he figured now was a good time as any. He walked out into the living room to find it empty and the food still on the table, he frowned and went to see if John’s keys were there. 

Seeing them missing he walked over to the couch and sat down with a heavy sigh, letting his head fall into his hands. He had fucked it up. Again, as per usual he had fucked it all up. He sat for a few moments and took some deep breaths to calm him but still jumped when he heard a knock at the door. 

John wouldn’t knock, he had his key. He frowned and eyed the kitchen drawer where a handgun was kept, reassuring himself it was there. He didn’t bother with the spy hole and just opened the door, freezing but for some reason not entirely unsurprised to see Jim there.   
He simply moved aside and let Jim walk in, watching as he made his way over to the sofa and sat down, helping himself to some of the cold food. 

"Come and sit down Sebastian, looks like you and Johnny had a bit of a tiff." Sebastian quietly followed Jim’s order, moving to the sofa and sitting next to him. Jim was silent as he ate a bit more food before turning to Sebastian, 

"I know he laughed at you. You tried to talk and he laughed, even I haven’t done that tiger. You try to explain what he is to you, what he means and what you want but he threw it back in your face." Sebastian’s eyes widened, Jim was… well he was right. He looked down before nodding gently and Jim continued to speak. 

"He obviously thinks he’s too good for you, I mean who would laugh at a man he had nearly killed hmm? He left you alone too, you only went to clear your mind and he left you all alone." Sebastian’s eyes were watering again and he nodded at Jim’s words. 

"Anything could happen to you tiger and it would be his fault. But I’m here. I know you still think about me Sebby ~" Sebastian looked up and Jim and let out a quiet choked sob, Jim had picked him up the first time he felt like he was falling apart and he would do it again. Any other time he wouldn’t dare but he moved closer and practically fell into Jim’s lap, resting his head on the criminal’s thigh.   
He sighed quietly as Jim’s fingers ran through his hair, as he whispered how nasty John wouldn’t hurt his Sebby anymore with a smirk on his face Sebastian couldn’t see. 

~

John didn’t go back to the flat that night. He couldn’t. He was pissed off and ready to snap at anyone or anything. He didn’t want to get into a fight with Seb, not tonight, not when they were both broken and Seb was physically still healing.

So he went to a pub, and then another and he got to the point where he would have done  _anything_  stupid if someone asked him to. 

He looked down at his phone, checking for messages, but there weren’t any.  _Obviously not. You fucked up, John. Can’t even fucking show sympathy for the man you love._

John threw his glass and left the pub, walking down the street until he found himself at home. Home as in 221B Baker Street. 

He knocked, and Mrs Hudson answered the door. He thanked her and pushed past, walking with heavy feet up the stairs. Sherlock was standing on the threshold when he reached it. “John?”

"Shut up," John growled, grabbing him and pushing him back against the wall before yanking him down and kissing him. Sherlock responded instinctively, then stopped and pushed him away, knowing that this was something that John didn’t truly want.

“You’re drunk. Come on. You need to sleep.” But John was finally overcome and simply dropped to his knees and started crying, because he couldn’t fucking do anything right, because all of this was a mess and it was his fault.

~

Sebastian lay with his head in Jim’s lap like that for what seemed like hours, waiting for John to come home but he didn’t. The thought of John not coming back drew another sob from him and Jim softly stroked his cheek and neck, 

"Shh, it’s okay tiger. I’m here; I’m not going to leave you when you need to be with someone." The more Jim spoke the more his words rang true, Jim had never truly left, he had given him all of this. He had saved him when they first met but again Sebastian thought of John. 

"But you hurt him. You hurt John." Sebastian’s voice was soft as Jim let his hand wonder down over his shoulder and to his side, stroking softly over Sebastian’s ribs, the smirk still on his face.

"And he hurt you. Aren’t we really the same? I didn’t want him to end up hurting you yet it still happened. I only want what’s best for you Sebby ~" His voice was soothing and familiar and Sebastian closed his eyes, John had hurt him. Jim was here and John wasn’t.   
Sebastian suddenly reached up and grasped Jim’s hand, lacing their fingers together. This was the right thing to do wasn’t it? John had hurt him then left him? Jim said he wanted the best for Sebastian. 

"oh Sebby." Jim gently moved his head from his lap before standing and pulling Sebastian up with him,   
"Come on tiger, let’s go to bed." 

~

John was helped to bed by Sherlock, and he passed out almost immediately. When he woke in the morning, he had a massive headache, no memory of what had happened to him after the third pub, and the feeling of cotton in his mouth. 

He groaned, rolling over and seeing the glass of water, which he gratefully drank in slow sips. He saw the painkillers next and took some, swallowing them down with the water. 

He moved slowly downstairs, obviously recognising 221B even though he didn’t remember showing up. Sherlock was in the living room as per usual, sitting in his chair sipping tea. He glanced up at John almost wearily, and John wondered what the fuck he’d done.

"I’m just… gunna sit here ‘til my headache goes away," he said slowly as he sunk down into the couch. Sherlock opened his mouth to speak, but John cut him off. "I don’t want to know. No matter what it is, I don’t want to know."

And so they sat in silence for a few hours, John sipping on water and staring at the floor, until he felt well enough to make his way to his feet and leave the flat.

He caught a cab back to Sebastian’s and slowly climbed into the lift and then stumbled into the flat. He was exhausted. He needed to sleep. Seb wasn’t anywhere in sight, so John walked back into the bedroom, intent on falling into bed regardless of whether Seb was sleeping or not, but he froze just a few steps beyond the threshold.

Seb was asleep, and he was curled up against a shirtless Jim, who was watching him with a toothy grin.

Sebastian woke up slowly, pressed up against and almost too warm body and he remembered how Jim had came over last night. He remembered his words and how he had looked after him; he curled up making himself even smaller and buried his face into Jim’s side and keeping his eyes closed. He only opened them when he heard Jim speak, 

"Oh Johnny, what have you done ~?" Sebastian tried not to immediately turn around and instead stayed pressed up against Jim, almost too scared to move.

"You left him alone, and I was the only one here to look after him. My tiger here lay in my lap and cried until there were no more tears and I was the only one who could comfort him because you left." Sebastian chewed his lip, keeping his face hidden, John would be angry at him and he didn’t want John to be angry.   
He knew what John could do, what he had done just when he was angry and Sebastian was sure he was shaking. 

John was numb. He wasn’t angry, wasn’t upset or hysterical. He was sure the anger would set in later, just like the heavy dread would sink into his stomach, but right now, he held tightly to the numbness.

He looked Jim over, looked at his smug smile at having got in between them and wedged them apart. John wanted to slit his throat, but his body didn’t respond.

"Sebastian?" he asked, and his voice was soft, calm and smooth as silk. Not how he felt. He felt brittle, betrayed. He swallowed. "Seb, look at me, please," he murmured, waiting until he saw an eye peeking out from where he was hiding. "I think we need a bit of space, yeah? I’ll give it to you. You’ve got my number if you ever want to see me again. Otherwise…" he looked over at Jim. "Otherwise, you enjoy your life."

He reached into his pocket, fishing out his keys, and tossed the one to Seb’s apartment onto the mattress. “See you around, Colonel,” he muttered, turning around and grabbing his jacket as he once again walked outside.

Sebastian finally looked at John from his position net to Jim and his chest nearly physically hurt at the set look on John’s face. He couldn’t do anything but nod, his eyes watering as John said his bit. 

He even went to reach out for John but Jim gripped his wrist firmly, not letting him move. He finally managed to choke out a pathetic ‘John’ but by then he was gone. He spent the next couple of hour alternating between completely silence and broken sobbing while he was ‘comforted’ by Jim. He kept telling his boss how sorry he was, sorry for everything and Jim told him it was all for the best, he was still here so he must be right…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usual note, comments and kudos really do mean a lot! And come find us on tumblr as mormortrash & mxrmor


	28. Chapter 28

Sebastian wasn’t eating; the weight he had lost with being in hospital wasn’t gained again, if anything he had lost more. His ribs and hip bones scarily prominent but he still got jobs done for Jim as precisely as he ever did. 

He stopped talking, loosing John having hit him harder than either he or Jim could have thought but Jim didn’t care as long as Sebastian was getting the work done and still letting himself be used for Jim’s pleasure.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later when Jim started to hurt him again, ‘keeping him in line’ but Sebastian just dealt with it, not being able to speak out against him until another two weeks later it was too much.

He couldn’t even do his job properly because he was so much of a mess, so thin and covered in wounds. Instead he used his resources to find out where John was now, luckily he had went back to Baker Street.

Sebastian wrote down his address and went out to catch a cab, having to hand the paper to the driver since he was unable to physically tell him the address and the next thing he knew he was knocking weakly at the door of 221b. Hoping it had been heard.

~

John was still a mess, and even Sherlock was having difficulties dealing with him. But John chipped in with the rent and let himself be used as a receiver of Sherlock’s rages against the world, so they found themselves and equilibrium again and managed to work through it.

He was only called in once by Jim to do a job, to just patch someone up, but otherwise he had heard nothing.

It was nearly a month later when he heard a knock at the door. He glanced over at Sherlock, shrugged, and then trotted down the stairs. 

The last thing that he was expecting was a ragged, thin Sebastian barely standing on the other side of the threshold. “Jesus bloody Christ,” John gasped, reaching forward and quickly pulling Seb inside, holding onto him and supporting his dangerously low weight as he quickly shut the door.

Sebastian immediately reached for John, holding onto him and letting him support some of his weight. Hissing in pain as John’s arm rubbed against his back.   
He held on to John as he helped him up the stairs and into 221b, he didn’t even notice that Sherlock was there until a few moment later because all he could see was John. He hadn’t seen him in what felt like years and he seemed to be doing okay and Sebastian smiled at that. 

No matter what happened, John being okay was always his number one priority. He let John lead him over to the sofa and sit him down and he looked up at both men who were now staring at him, waiting for an explanation but he couldn’t give it to them. He couldn’t even speak; He was completely broken and hated himself for it. 

"Sherlock, go get me a bowl of warm water and a flannel. And bring my med bag, too," he said. He had left all of his possessions at Sebastian’s when he had left, but the med bag had been the first thing he had bought.

Sherlock didn’t even question him, just ran off to go get it. 

John cupped Sebastian’s cheek, looking into his eyes for any indication of drugs before he went to his shirt and gently stripped it off. “It’s okay,” he promised, being as careful with Seb as he would be with a screaming child. “It’s alright, I promise. I’ve got you now, Seb, okay? I’ve got you.”

He winced at the amount of damage Sebastian had suffered, and he resisted from touching the new wounds and the poorly healing ones alike. “I’m not going to let anything else happen to you.”

Sebastian obediently raised his arms so John could remove his shirt, and nodded gently when John started talking offering a weak smile. He hardly flinched when he started to clean his wounds. It didn’t really hurt anymore and if anything he was far too happy from seeing John. 

He nodded again when John told him nothing was going to happen to him, and he believed him completely. Jim had said that but he had hurt him yet again, he should have known John would never do that. Never.   
He reached out an all too thin arm and grasped John’s shirt, holding the material between his fingers and trying to ground himself. 

"You’re okay," John sniffed, working carefully through building tears. "You’re alright, I promise. I’m so glad you’re here, love," he whispered, finishing with Seb’s wounds in the front and carefully turning him around to see his back. 

"Easy," he whispered, cleaning off a particularly deep wound. "Just take it easy. I’ve got you. I’m here." By the time he was done, the water was bloody, but Sebastian was clean from head to toe. 

He did some basic physical tests after that, testing his reactions and his temperature and heart rate, his breathing. He asked Sherlock for some broth, and again was met by no resistance. 

"Sebastian," he said softly, carding his fingers through ragged blond hair. "Seb, love, I need you to drink some of this, okay? Then we can go lie down, alright?"

Sebastian so desperately wanted to tell John something, anything really. Even just call him baby but every time he tried his throat seized up and he just couldn’t. Instead he made sure he was constantly touching some part of John for the reassurance and let him get on with his work.

He twitched a couple of times when something particularly stung but otherwise sat still.   
When he was done he looked up at John and offered another small smile and leaned into John’s touch, closing his eyes and nodding while John stroked through his over-grown hair. 

Sherlock brought over the broth and he sipped at it slowly, it took him a long while but he managed to finish a full small bowl. He placed it down on the table and held out his hand for John after making some kind of gesture that Sherlock hopefully picked up as thank you. 

John smiled softly; glad at least that Sebastian hadn’t turned down the food. He was extremely worried about him not talking, but for now, he would just focus on healing his body, because he could do that.

"Come on, let’s get you to bed," he said softly, standing and helping Sebastian to his feet. He could have carried him, easily, but he didn’t, letting Seb keep his pride by only supporting him as they walked up the stairs to his room.

"Take it easy," he murmured, slowly lowering Sebastian onto the mattress.

Sebastian managed it fairly easily up the stairs with John’s help; he was just exhausted so his movements were sluggish. Sebastian closed his eyes and very quietly sighed as he lay down, keeping a grip on John’s sleeve as he did so. Silently telling him not to leave.   
He tugged on the sleeve and opened his eyes again, patting the bed beside him. Urging john to lie, or at least sit next to him. Despite all of the things he had gone through he didn’t want to be alone, and he knew that deep down he trusted John implicitly. 

He felt awful, childish and dependent since he couldn’t speak to him but John seemed to be taking it in his stride, or at least pretending to for Sebastian’s sake. 

"Hush," John murmured, stroking Sebastian’s hair as he moved to sit down beside him. "You’re fine now. I’m not leaving," he murmured, shaking his head as if the idea was ridiculous. 

His stomach clenched at thoughts of what had happened to Sebastian, but the worst thought of all was that he had done at least most of this to himself - that Jim was responsible for the bruises and cuts, but that Sebastian had been the one refusing to eat and speak.

He was almost positive that that was the case, and it wounded him. “What happened to you?” he asked. “You used to be so powerful and in charge of yourself. Why did you let yourself go like this?” he whispered, shaking his head, his hand trembling softly where it now rested on Seb’s shoulder.

Sebastian wanted to say everything, he wanted to say that everything had crashed down on him and how much of a fucking mess he was but the best he could do was lick his lips and managed a small sound of discontent.   
He frowned at himself before looking to John. Sebastian chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to figure out how to explain himself without words and he pushed himself up slightly and looked right at John.

He moved is hands in a wide circle, hopefully meaning everything, before pointing to himself. He shook his head again, frustrated at himself for not being able to articulate an answer. He made another frustrated sound before suddenly placing his hand on John’s chest and doing the same to himself, feeling the heartbeats under his fingers before moving his hands back and making a crushing motion. 

He pointed to himself again, tears of anger and frustration brimming in his eyes before throwing himself down onto the mattress again. Ignoring any pain and instead tightly clutching John’s shirt again.

"What, your heart broke?" John asked, bitter and hurt that that was Sebastian’s only excuse. "Yeah, everything went to hell. Because we can’t fucking communicate with each other without hurting the other person and insulting them and making it so much fucking worse, right? Because we’re both fuck ups and the only thing we ever did right together was fuck each other, yeah?"

He pulled his knees to his chest, because he was tired of Sebastian’s self-pity, and he was tired of his own. He would rather physically fight with Sebastian than have them both wallowing around like this. 

"I have news for you, Seb. We abandoned each other, and it hurt me just as much as it hurt you. Yeah, I fucked up. So did you. Get over it. You coming here wounded is not going to get you back in my good graces with a snap of the fingers. It’s going to take work."

He pushed on Sebastian’s shoulder when it looked like he was going to get back up again. “No, you stay the fuck still. I don’t care if you don’t want to hear this, and I certainly don’t give a fuck if you think that I would be better without you. If you get out of this bed without either going to the bathroom or coming to get me for medical help, so help me god, I will never speak to you again. You stay right fucking there until you’re healed. Because you’re my responsibility now, so just fucking deal with it.”

By the end, he wasn’t so much angry as he was bitterly crying, and he pushed to his feet, moving to sit across the room in the chair. He wasn’t ready to leave Sebastian yet, but he didn’t think he was ready to share a bed with him either.

Sebastian violently shook his head, it wasn’t what he meant but be couldn’t fucking explain it. He listened eyes wide as John spoke, and starting to burn with tears, when john moved away from him he wanted to scream.   
He wanted to shout at John, shout how fucking sorry he was. How this was all his fault, he wanted to plead for forgiveness and beg John to listen to his while he tried to explain himself. He just needed John to know and now he couldn’t even do that right. His brain just wouldn’t let him talk; Jim had no care for it and left him to his silence so it became ingrained.

Sebastian moved and punched the mattress in irritation, his hands moving up to pull harshly at his hair as he continued to shake his head.   
He tried to say no, he did but the word wouldn’t form. However this time he made a louder noise, it was relatively nonsensical but it was some form of noise and he tugged at his hair again wishing he could just say what he needed.

This was all his fault, and now he was practically stuck in his own head trying to find a way out to tell John but both his own and John’s problems seemed to be in the way of fixing it. But it needed to be fixed in order to work through the problems and he chewed violently at his lip, trying to work through the frustration.

John watched Sebastian for a moment, eyes wide as he waited for him to calm down, but when he didn’t, John stood, crossing the room quickly and pushing his arms apart. He pinned them to the mattress, staring down at him and breathing a little heavier.

"Stop it," he whispered hoarsely, glaring at Sebastian through his tears. "Just stop." He pushed away, turning to hide his tears. "Fuck, Seb!" he shouted, turning quickly and punching the wall.

He spun around, facing Sebastian. “Stop fucking blaming yourself,” he snapped. “Stop beating yourself up. You are not a fuck up,” he said, stalking forward and stabbing his finger at Sebastian’s chest. “And I can one hundred percent guarantee you that taking all of your frustration out on your body and your mind is the most surefire way to lose me. So fucking stop it. We can have a heart to heart later, but right now, you need to heal.”

Sebastian flinched when John hit the wall, stopping chewing his lips immediately before covering his head with his arms. Not half a moment later he remembered that it was John, John would hurt him and he lowered his arms but couldn’t help the second flinch when john prodded his chest.   
He shook his head again, more subtly this time, he couldn’t lose him forever, not when he already thought he had and this was what it done to him.

Instead he grabbed John’s wrist as firmly as he could and his thumb found the soft part of skin and started tapping. He told him he was sorry and he would do as John said because he couldn’t lose him, not again.   
Once he was done he let go of John’s wrist again, smiling sadly because it was like the time he told John he loved him by tapping it out because he couldn’t say it just then. Now, he couldn’t say anything but John hadn’t kicked him out so it was something and he let himself hope for a second that things might eventually be okay.

John waited patiently for Sebastian to finish tapping in Morse, and he slowly nodded once he had released. “I know,” he whispered, carding his fingers through Seb’s hair and briefly kissing his forehead. “Just… just rest, okay?” He gave him another light kiss before he stepped back and sat at the chair once more.

"Please, Seb, just sleep. We’ll work on everything later, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. I… I won’t leave you, I promise. I need time to think about this."

Sebastian breathed a sigh of relief when John nodded and closed his eyes as he stroked through his hair, opening them again inn surprise when he felt a kiss on his forehead.   
He reluctantly let go of John when he stepped away but gave him a small smile, even though it probably didn’t reach his eyes, and nodded when John just told him to sleep. 

Sebastian closed his eyes and was promptly asleep, he didn’t even dream because his body was that desperate for the rest.   
After an indeterminate amount of time he slowly woke up, he hadn’t even moved when he was sleeping, and he looked up to see John asleep in the chair. He smiled and went to called John’s name but the word once again got stuck in his throat. 

He couldn’t leave John to sleep in the chair or he would be aching, he could either wake up John or go and get Sherlock to move him to the bed. If he got up John would probably kill him and he would only be moderately grumpy if he woke him up so waking him up it was. 

He reached over and grabbed a pillow from the other side of the bed and stretched out his arm before throwing the pillow at John, he was aiming for his stomach but ended up hitting him in the chest, just missing his face. He chewed his lip trying to stop himself from smiling. 

John jumped awake, grabbing the pillow before it hit the floor and whipping his head around to look at Sebastian. He frowned when he saw Seb’s cheeky grin, and he stuck out his tongue.

"Yeah, okay, thanks," he muttered, rolling his beck because it was already sore. He glanced over at the clock, making a small noise at the time. "I’m going to go make some supper," he said, getting slowly to his feet. "Would you like some?"

Sebastian was glad when John woke up in a moderately okay mood and failed miserably at keeping the smile off his face. Sebastian pulled himself up into a sitting position and nodded at the offer of food, surprising himself. Perhaps just seeing John again was enough to get him to eat.

He motioned for John to come over to the bed so he could tap on his wrist again, asking for a book since he wasn’t allowed out of bed.

John smiled softly, nodding at Sebastian. “It’s too bad you don’t know sign language. That would be faster than having to type in Morse for everything,” he said, hesitating before he finally turned and left. 

Sebastian simply gave a resigned shrug when John mentioned he should know sign language and he tapped out a quick apology before John left to make food. 

He made everyone food - spaghetti for himself and Sherlock, and buttered toast and eggs for Sebastian - and then returned upstairs with the food and some water with a book tucked under his arm.

"I don’t want to push you back into eating, so we’re going to start slow again. Can’t have you getting sick on me," he said, handing Sebastian his food before he took a seat next to him on the bed.

While John was downstairs he lay and tried to force himself to speak, again only managing a few sounds but he was positive he managed something that sounded like the letter J.

When John came back in with the food he gave him a smile and nodded, he doubted he would eat everything on the plate but he would try.   
He tapped out a thank you on John’s leg before taking his food and starting to eat slowly. He got about half way through before he had to stop, feeling far too full. He gave John an apologetic look before putting his plate on the side and lying back down.

John looked over at Sebastian, meeting his gaze with a smile. “You don’t have to apologise for not eating it all, Seb,” he said softly, reaching over to squeeze his wrist. “I’ve been starved before; I know what it’s like, trying to get your appetite back up.”

He finished off his food and water before he moved to lie down, tugging on Sebastian’s wrist and giving him a soft smile. “Lie down with me, yeah? I want to hold you, love,” he said softly, rubbing his thumb over Seb’s wrist.

Sebastian was pleasantly surprised when John wanted to lie down with him but he wasn’t about to complain.   
He curled up to John, his arm going around John’s waist and resting it there lightly. His hand splayed out on John’s side and he tapped out

'I'm surprised at this. It's nice.' He pressed a kiss to John’s side and closed his eyes again.

John hummed softly, pulling Sebastian close to his chest and kissing the top of his head. “I love you,” he whispered, nuzzling into his hair and letting out a soft breath. “I just want to hold you for a while,” he murmured.

Tucking Sebastian in close to him and staring across the room at the other wall. He rubbed his hand over Seb’s back, hating how much bone he could feel. There was no muscle anymore, and his skin was sunken and sallow.

"We’ll get some weight on you, and then maybe get you to go see a speech therapist, yeah? Might help a bit."

Sebastian hadn’t expected to hear that from John, not now and honestly not for a long time at least and he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Instead a sound that was somewhere between the mixture of the both escaped him. 

He immediately tapped out ‘I love you too’ before looking up at John and concentrating hard again, trying to make the sound he did before, something like a J. When he heard the noise come from his mouth he gave a small triumphant smile before nodding at John’s words. He twisted his face slightly at the thought of having to go to speech therapy but he would do anything to fix this. 

Sebastian traced his fingers over John’s side, the both of them just lying in silence for a while before he prodded John’s side to get his attention and started tapping again. 

‘ _We still need to take Jim down. All this, because of him.”_ Well, he still blamed himself for most of it but John would probably get angry at him if he said that again so instead withheld it from the message. 

John let out a soft sigh, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I know,” he said softly, breathing into Sebastian’s hair. “But not until you’re better. I’m not doing anything without you. Not again,” he murmured.

"Sherlock’s been prodding me about it for a while now, too, but I don’t… He’s been leaving me alone. Probably because he’s been so busy with you. Regardless, though, my desire to kill him had gone down." He held Seb tighter, feeling that anger building up again, that hate directed at Jim. 

"I want to fucking rip his throat out now," he breathed, his voice laden with conviction.

Sebastian’s let himself be pulled as close as possible, trying not to wince when John’s grip tightened and instead moved the arm that was around his waist so his hand was now resting on John’s chest. 

'You should do it. You should kill him for both of us.' When he had finished tapping he let his fingertips trail over John's chest, stroking random patterns. He breathed in deeply, inhaling everything John. Fuck he had missed this; he couldn't comprehend how much his mind had been warped by Moriarty that he actually gave this up.

Thanks to Jim he thought that John was to blame, and Jim twisted his mind for his own and he wished he could have realized. If he had, he certainly wouldn’t be here now, and he wouldn’t be in this state. He stilled the stroking movements of his hand and started to tap again,   
“I’m sorry, I should have realized. It was all Jim, he…” there was a long pause while Sebastian thought of the right word to use,   
“He broke my thoughts.” He looked at John with a questioning expression, silently asking him if he knew what he meant.

John listened quietly, letting Sebastian ‘speak’ his mind through his fingers. When he had finished, he leaned forward and kissed him, solidly but softly, against his plush lips. Sebastian hummed quietly when John kissed him; he would have been perfectly content for the rest of his days just lying there, being held by John so the kiss only made things sweeter.

"Sebastian Moran," he whispered, his voice broken and his eyes filled with tears, "will you marry me?" he asked, his thumbs stroking over Sebastian’s cheeks. His heart felt so full of sadness that he didn’t think it could hold anything else, but trying not to love Sebastian was like trying to keep a duck away from water.

"I love you so much, and I’m so happy. I mean, I’m pissed, but, fuck, Seb," he whispered, kissing him again. "Will you please, please marry me?"

Sebastian suddenly froze at John’s words, it was… Was John. Did he really? He couldn’t do much more than stare up at John, still trying to figure out if he had really just asked that but when he said it again that was it. There was such a rush of emotion that ran through him it nearly made Sebastian feel sick and he gasped at the intensity of it. 

He was beyond frustrated that he couldn’t physically say yes, he wanted to shout it at the top of his voice but instead John would have to settle for a nod of his head, followed by a heady kiss and Sebastian repeatedly tapping out ‘yes’ on every inch of John he could reach as he mouth moved against John’s.

John’s heart soared and he held Sebastian close, rolling over to hold himself above him while he returned the kiss, humming into his mouth and groaning at the taste of him. 

When he pulled back, he was panting for breath, but he was smiling like mad. “Thank god you said yes. That would have been really, really embarrassing otherwise,” he said, smiling widely at Sebastian before kissing him again.

He kissed down his jaw to his throat, smiling against his skin as he kissed over his pulse. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m never letting you go again, alright? You’re mine. You’re safe with me.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but grin at John’s reaction, gasping quietly as he was rolled over; he wrapped his arms around John’s waist and practically melted into the kiss. When John eventually pulled back he brought his hand up to caress Johns cheek before tapping out ‘I missed you’ across his jaw.

Just the thought of being with him and having this forever was nearly overwhelming and his eyes watered as John started to kiss over his neck despite the grin still on his face.   
He held John tightly, and ran is fingers through John’s hair, something he had missed doing terribly. They stayed that that for a few moments, before Sebastian cupped John’s face and moved his head back up so they were looking at each other again. He managed another small J sound before tapping against John’s jaw again, ‘I love you, always will.’

John smiled, turning his head to nuzzle into Sebastian’s palm. “I love you too, you nut,” he murmured, letting out a soft breath before he eased himself off of Sebastian and curled up beside him.

"I know you got plenty of sleep before, but I’m still exhausted. If Sherlock comes up here, which I doubt he will, just tell him to piss off, because I’m not moving until I wake up."

He let out a small sigh, nuzzling into Seb’s chest. “Go to sleep when you’re tired, love, yeah? I love you.”

Sebastian shifted so his arm was round John’s shoulders and John was curled up into his side. He nodded and tapped out I love you too onto John’s back before settling back and getting comfortable.   
He gently stroked John’s shoulders and back, sometimes moving over his arm and sometimes reaching up to his neck, the soft touches lulling him to sleep.   
He closed his eyes and just listened to John’s breaths becoming slower and evening out, soon punctuated by small snores and the sound was soon lulling him to sleep as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for keeping up with this and find us on tumblr as mormortrash and mxrmor


	29. Chapter 29

An indeterminate amount of time later Sebastian was woke by a crash that sounded like it came from downstairs and his mind immediately went into overdrive, Jim must have sent someone to get him, he didn’t want to go back to that and he sat up and looked around the room in a panic, temporarily unaware of John next to him. 

He saw that the corner next to the bed was a place he could go unnoticed and when he heard another crash he moved immediately from the bed, uncaring of his injuries and curled up in the corner with his arms above his head. 

John jumped awake at the second crash, turning around in the bed and finding Sebastian curled up in the corner. John’s first instinct was to go to him and provide comfort, but he noticed the faraway look in Sebastian’s eyes and decided that it would be okay to let him stay there for a few minutes.

He ran downstairs, finding Sherlock in the living room, tucked behind the sofa and staring over the top at the window. The window that was splintering, cracking, webbing out from what John could see was a bullet hole.

Shit. 

"Sherlock," he snapped, reaching out to grab him and yank him to his feet. "Upstairs, now." He pushed Sherlock up ahead of him, closing and locking the door once they were inside. 

Then he went over to Sebastian, cautiously crouching next to him. “Seb?” he murmured, reaching out to cup his cheek. “Sebastian?”

Sebastian was practically frozen in place, unable to move and he heard the door close. Please, please please don’t be Jim. He kept his eyes shut, praying to every higher power that they hadn’t come for him. He heard his name but it didn’t sound like Jim and he risked opening his eyes and finally looking up and seeing John. 

He surged forward, knocking John’s hand away and wrapping his arms around John’s shoulders, knocking them onto the floor. 

He kissed over John’s cheek and neck before finally letting his hand find John’s chest and tapping quickly.   
'Are you okay?' He touched every part of John, seeing if he was okay before he even bothered to find out what had actually happened.  
’What happened?’ 

John fought to keep his breath as Sebastian knocked him to the floor, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around him to keep him close. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” he insisted, looking up at Sebastian and managing a smile.

"Someone shot through the window," he said, gently sitting them up and walking over to his bookshelf to grab his gun. "Don’t know who, don’t know why."

"I-I was going to play my violin," Sherlock said, looking over at John with wide eyes. "I was standing by the window when the bullet came through. From the street, had to be."

John watched Sherlock for a moment before he looked back at Sebastian. “I’ll be right back,” he said, clicking the safety on his gun and chambering a bullet. “You watch Sherlock, alright?”

Sebastian stood and turned to Sherlock, both giving each other a questioning look before he turned back to John and nodded. He assumed by look after Sherlock John meant to keep them in them in that room and not leave.   
Before John could go out Sebastian grabbed his wrist, manoeuvring it so Sherlock couldn’t see before he started tapping,   
'Be careful, not losing my fiancé.' He gave john a pleading look, after all of this John couldn't get hurt and he was relieved when John nodded.

He watched as John left the bedroom, closing the door behind him and moving back over to sit on the bed, waving Sherlock over to sit next to him. He surprisingly accepted his invitation but he still startled when Sebastian grabbed his hand, he scowled at Sherlock, silently telling him to not be stupid before he started tapping, surely a genius like him knew Morse code.

'What happened exactly? Could it be Jim?' Or one of your cases?'   
He stared, waiting for an answer when there was the sound of a gunshot and Sebastian immediately jumped up, heading for the door, but Sherlock pulled him back down.

"John will kill you if you go out there, I’m sure he is fine. He’s tough." Sebastian chewed his lip but eventually nodded, grabbing Sherlock’s hand again.   
'We still need to get Jim.'

"I know, I have been trawling his movements, it’s certainly been tough." Sherlock shuddered at the thought and also the thrill of the chase but reigned himself in when he saw the look on Sebastian’s face and this time tried to hold his hand in a comforting way, patting softly, albeit slightly awkwardly. 

"It will be fine. It will be all okay. John will be fine and we will get Jim. You’re very lucky to have John, Sebastian, don’t ever let it go." Sebastian was rather taken aback by how… Nice Sherlock was being but he nodded and gave him a small smile before jumping up again when he heard someone coming up the stairs.

John knocked on the door in morse. When Sherlock pulled it open, John nodded at him and quickly ducked inside, closing and locking the door behind him again. 

"He’s dead," John explained, ears still ringing from the shot as he walked back over to the bed and sat down. "Came up from behind and caught me off guard, but he’s gone now." 

He set his gun down and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t recognise him, but if he’s one of Jim’s, then there will be more. So we’re staying up here for the rest of the night,” he said, glancing over at Sherlock and directing him to the chair.

Sebastian nodded and moved back on the bed so he could rest against the headboard, it would be a long night because he was sure no one would get much sleep.   
There was a tense silence now between the three of them, with the thought of more gunmen approaching. The possibility of something akin to a siege. 

They could hardly sit around though and do nothing, or they would more than likely end up arguing over something. Sebastian sighed and knocked loudly on the headboard to get the attention of both men before he actually started knocking in Morse.   
'While we are here, we might as well start a proper plan. While together.' 

John sighed, but he nodded, folding his hands in his lap for a moment. “Seb’s right,” he said slowly. “He’s out of commission now, so we’re going to have to be faster. Or we’re going to have to wait. Which should we do?”

He looked over at Sherlock, raising his eyebrows.

"Sebastian… he’ll heal in, what? About a month?" Sherlock asked, glancing over at him. "I don’t think we can wait that long. I think we should get this over with."

John nodded, agreeing. “I don’t want you alone with Jim if we can help it, though. That’s… that’s not at all safe.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes, already sick of being the one who couldn’t really do anything but give them as much information as he could. He raised his hand to knock on the headboard again, his eyes flicking between Sherlock and John,   
_'I know I can't do much, but I can give info.'_  He switched hands over, getting sick of this but it being the best he could manage at the moment. 

 _'Give me pen and paper.'_  He lowered his hand again and gave his head a resolute nod; he would at least help as much as he possibly could.   
Sebastian looked at how far away John was, right on the edge of the bed and he wanted him closer, uncaring that Sherlock was in the room but he surely wouldn’t care. He took a deep breath and held his arms out slightly and held his arms open in an inviting gesture. 

"J, J-J Jo." 

John watched Sherlock get up, walking around the room in search of a pad of paper and a pen. John directed him to where he thought there might be some, but otherwise he didn’t get up to help. 

He turned when Sebastian spoke softly, and he looked over at him, smiling and scooting further onto the bed. He leant against Seb, nestled against him, and closed his eyes, feeling arms wrap around him and hold him. 

"I love you," he whispered into his neck, letting out a soft warm breath to ghost over Seb’s skin.

Sebastian sighed as John cuddled up to him, stroking his fingertips slowly over the parts of John he could reach with his arms wrapped around him. He felt his skin raise in goose bumps as he felt the breath tickle over his neck and sighed again, his fingers tapping out ‘I love you’ in a repeated rhythm. 

He stopped and reluctantly removed his arms from John when Sherlock brought over a notepad and a pen. He nodded to Sherlock in thanks, leaning over to kiss John before starting to write. 

He wrote down everything he could possibly think of, the other two men watching in silence as he racked his brains for any piece of information he could.   
Once he was done and his hand was starting to cramp he handed the notebook to John. Giving him another kiss as he did so and raising his other hand to knock on the headboard again.   
_'That's everything I know.'_

John nodded, reading over the paper before handing it off to Sherlock. He was pretty sure that he already had a decent plan, but he would need to keep Sebastian in the dark, just in case, and he would need to get Sherlock to agree to it.

"Thank you, love," he whispered, cupping Sebastian’s cheek and leaning over to kiss him softly. "I love you so much," he murmured against his lips, nipping at his lower lip.

Sebastian nodded, and closed his eyes kissing John back softly, letting his hand move up to stroke through John’s hair. He pulled back again, opening his eyes to simply look at John before moving back further so he could also see Sherlock and starting to knock again. 

 _'Any form of plan yet?'_ He looked between them and practically saw the cogs turning in their heads but he was sure it wasn’t because they were thinking of a plan, but considering if he should be filled in. More than likely because they knew he would want some part of it, which was true so he simply got comfortable on the bed again and closed his eyes, soon enough falling into sleep. 

John waited a few minutes to make sure that Sebastian was asleep before he stood and walked over to Sherlock, crouching down beside the chair.

“We’ll switch positions,” he said, looking up at the detective.

"I’ll… I’ll distract him, and you take out the other men. When he’s done with me, I’ll kill him," he said, earning a glare from Sherlock. 

"You’re going to let him rape you again just so that you can take him out?" Sherlock bluntly demanded.

John raised his chin defiantly. “If it comes to it and you’re going to take out his men so that it’s not all in vain, understood?”

~

Sebastian slept for a short while, his body apparently not letting him rest any longer with the threat looming about them. He woke up slowly and he saw Sherlock still sitting in the chair with a tight expression on his face. John was turned away from him as if they had been arguing.   
About the plan details no doubt, he stretched out slightly and rolled over so he could reach the bedside cabinet so he could knock on it. 

 _'I'm guessing there is a plan now.'_ He looked between the two men and there was definitely an atmosphere between them and he figured that one or both of them wasn’t happy about the plan but it was the best one they had.   
_'What’s wrong?'_

John looked over at Sebastian, chewing on his lip as he watched him and waited for the tapping to finish. “Nothing. Well… not much. But it’s as good as it’s going to get.”

He walked over to Sebastian and sat down beside him, then lay down and curled up around him. “We’re thinking we’re going to do it tomorrow. Just to get it over with,” he said softly, resting his head on Sebastian’s shoulder.  

”So you’re going to be here by yourself for a few hours,” he murmured, looking up at Seb and smiling softly. “I’ll leave you my gun. I’ll be stopping off at your place before I do anything. All of the untraceable weapons are there.”

Sebastian reflexively wrapped his arms around John as soon as he was close and stroked his hands over John’s back. He trusted this man implicitly and nodded his approval, he would be okay by himself as long as they knew what they were doing but of course it wouldn’t stop him from worrying.   
His fingers traced over John’s back before tapping again,   
_'As long as he doesn't figure out what you are doing it will be fine.'_

He gave John a smile and started to move his fingers in random patterns over the material of his top before letting his hand come to rest on the small of John’s back and frowning slightly before flicking his eyes over to Sherlock then back to John.  
_'Does Sherlock know about us getting married?'_

John shook his head, letting out a breath before hiding his face in Sebastian’s chest. He rubbed his hand over Sebastian’s chest before he tapped out,  _'I'll tell him when this is over with.'_

He held onto Sebastian in order to comfort them both, to give them each something to hold. “Sherlock?” he called over his shoulder. “Can you call Lestrade and tell him what happened? I don’t want to continue to have a body lying in the flat if it can be helped.”

Sebastian nodded and held John, he wanted to make sure he didn’t accidentally let anything slip and he moved his hand to play through John’s hair.   
He heard Sherlock agree and say that if they came over they would be alright for the night until they could put the plan into play tomorrow.

Once Sherlock had left the room he cupped John’s chin and moved his head so it wasn’t against Sebastian’s chest. He gave him a soft smile before kissing him deeply, not knowing if all of them would be resigned to staying upstairs so he was tasting John thoroughly while he had the chance.   
As he let his tongue slide over John’s he rested his hand on his waist after sliding it up under John’s shirt, stroking the warm skin before tapping out the word fiancé.

He pulled back and gave John a grin, taking another deep breath, he thought his determination alone would probably let him at least say John’s name and if anyone could do it, it was him. Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment before looking directly at John, he imagined himself saying it, the letters forming from the shapes of his mouth and he looked directly into John’s eyes.

"J-Jo… Jo-J." He took another deep breath, trying not to let himself get frustrated since it wouldn’t help.

"Johhh… J-John." He could have cried, he never knew he would feel like this after getting to say one word but it was something. He couldn’t keep the grin off his face, he probably wouldn’t be able to say anything else for a long time but this, this was a big step.

"Oh, Sebastian," John whispered, cupping his cheek lovingly and kissing him slowly, gently, just pressing their lips together before he delved deeper again, tasting Sebastian thoroughly, needing his flavour in his mouth like he needed air to breathe.

He pulled Sebastian close and then on top of him, settling him between his thighs, feeling his slight weight settle in on top of him. “I love you so much,” he whispered, pulling away to kiss along his jaw, to nip at his chin. “I’m going to buy us rings as soon as we’re through this. Or you can. Whatever, I don’t care. Maybe we won’t do rings.” 

He made himself stop talking, made himself go back to just kissing Seb and running his hands over his skin and holding him close.

Sebastian let himself be moved, settling on top of John and sighing at the feel of them so close and pressed together. He almost hummed into the kiss and let out a long breath as John started to kiss over his jaw and neck. He ended up laughing quietly when John rambled about the rings and he simply went along with it, they could discuss it all later.

They alternated between heated kisses and teasing nips on each other necks, content to just be close and finally be touching each other so completely. Sebastian’s hands pushing John’s shirt up so he could stroke over warm skin, they were so lost in each other it took the noise of a cleared throat before they looked toward the door to see Sherlock there with his phone in his hand.   
It was still lit from the phone call to Lestrade so he hadn’t been there to hear about the rings, which was good since John wanted to wait.

"Lestrade is on his way over with backup. A team are going to be stationed outside for tonight and we can move around the flat but cannot leave 221b." Sebastian nodded at him, it was all fair enough. They were conducting their plan tomorrow anyway.

John listened, nodding when Sherlock was done talking. “Alright. Goodnight then, Sherlock,” he said, giving him a meaningful look. 

Sherlock rolled his eyes, but he turned away. “Don’t be too loud. Lestrade has good hearing for his age,” he said, and then he left, closing the door behind himself.

John laughed, immediately pulling Sebastian back in for a kiss. “It’s only been a month. How could I miss you so terribly?” he asked, breathing and speaking without moving his lips away from Sebastian’s. “You’re so wonderful, so good. God, Seb, I love you so much,” he whispered, sucking on Sebastian’s lower lip and looking up at him from under his eyelashes.

Sebastian laughed lightly when Sherlock told them not to be too loud and left with a roll of his eyes; he immediately looked back to John when Sherlock was gone.   
John’s lips were immediately pressed to his once more and he let one hand trail down John’s side and rest on his hip, playing with the waistband of his pants. 

A very quiet groan escaped Sebastian when John sucked at his lip and the look he gave him sent a jolt of arousal right through him, he let his fingertips trail over the sensitive skin just above John’s waistband before tapping,   
_'I love you too, baby.'_ As soon as he had finished tapping he moved them without warning until he was sitting against the headboard and John was straddling his hips before pulling him back in for another deep kiss. 

John moaned against Sebastian’s mouth, cupping Seb’s face in his hands as he returned the kiss, their tongues sliding together and their noses bumping. 

"I’m not letting you fuck me," he whispered when he pulled back a moment later. "It’s not going to happen this time." He nipped at Sebastian’s lips, mouthing down his jaw and suckling at the soft skin under Sebastian’s ear.

"I think we can put up with each other’s hands right now, yeah?" he murmured, going back to kissing Seb as he ran his hand down his chest to his waistband. 

Sebastian whined as loud as he could when John said that, trying to have a minor strop so he would get his was but he was soon distracted by the mouth at the top of his neck and was instead keening softly.  
He nodded before John kissed him again and canted his hips upwards when he felt John’s fingertips teasing at his waistband. 

Sebastian let his hands run down John’s back and he tugged at the hem of John’s shirt, silently telling him to lift his arms so he could take it off. He smiled when John returned straight away to the waistband of his pants as soon as his shirt was off. 

He leaned forward and pressed slow open mouthed kisses to John’s shoulder and neck, occasionally letting his tongue slide over the warm skin. He hummed at the taste of John, letting his hands move round and run over his chest before stopping to pinch at his nipples. Teasing them between finger and thumb. 

John keened, arching up and whimpering at the insistent touch. “Fuck,” he whispered, tipping his head back down to look at Sebastian with heavy, lust-filled eyes. “You’re a menace,” he teased, bending in to kiss him again.

He tugged Seb’s waistband down enough to expose his cock, and he slowly wrapped his fingers around it, stroking it slowly, purposefully, moaning softly into Seb’s mouth.

He gave John a smirk before his mouth was covered again and he gasped into the kiss as a warm hand started moving around his cock, the warm fingers slowly moving over his length. 

He rolled his hips up slowly, pushing into John’s hand and moaning quietly as he did so. His own hands moved down to the waistband of John trousers, huffing slightly that John had more layers on than him so he deftly unfastened them and exposed John so he could wrap his own hand around John’s prick. 

He squeezed lightly, before rubbing his thumb slowly and repeatedly over the tip as he practically fucked John’s mouth with his tongue. 

John moaned and whimpered, giving up complete control to Sebastian. He melted against him, bracing himself up with a hand on the headboard. He thrust his hips into Seb’s hand, trying to get more friction along the length instead of just at the tip.

"Daddy," he whined, drawing away to breathe and to bury his face in the crook of Seb’s neck. He shuddered as Seb’s hand tightened around his cock, and he turned to mouth at his neck, moving his own hand a little faster.

Sebastian groaned deep in his throat, John probably feeling it more than hearing it as he eventually started to move his hand in long firm strokes. He brought his other hand up and teased his fingertips over John’s neck before scratching his nails lightly over John’s shoulder and pressing firmer as he moved them down his back. Leaving faint red marks in their wake. 

As John’s hand started to move faster Sebastian’s breathing also picked up slightly and he bucked his hips upward every so often, following the movement of John’s hand, biting back the loud moans that were threatening to escape him. 

John’s breath hitched, and he faintly heard the door close downstairs. “Fuck, Daddy,” he whispered, whimpering right afterwards because he was giving Sebastian plenty enough for him to get off, but John wasn’t getting the same in return. 

"Daddy, please," he gasped, pushing his hips forward, trying to get more movement, more friction, more anything. "I need it. Please, Daddy, I’ve been a good boy, haven’t I?"

Sebastian moaned deep in his throat when John started to beg and he eventually gave in. He tightened his had slightly and started to move it in time with John’s hand moving around his own cock.   
His other hand found John’s shoulder and gripped it tightly, his own orgasm creeping up, being pushed closer just by John’s whimpering alone. 

He dipped his head down again to suck and lick his way up John’s neck, nipping at the skin just under his ear before nudging him with his cheek so John would move he head back.   
As soon as he could he captured John’s lips with his own, his tongue stroking over John’s in nearly the same rhythm his hand was moving in. 

John whimpered and moaned into Sebastian’s mouth, rocking his hips in desperation. He pulled his mouth away, gasping as he rested his forehead against Seb’s, breathing in his air as they slowly started reaching higher and higher.

"Daddy," he gasped, closing his eyes for a moment before locking his gaze with Seb’s. His breath hitched and his thighs trembled. He bit his lip, whining softly as his body shook. "Oh, fuck…" He only lasted a second longer before he came, his hips stuttering to a stop and his breath catching as he shuddered apart in Sebastian’s hand.

Sebastian bit his lip as John caught his gaze, staring intently into his eyes as he fell apart. He kept his hand moving, milking John all the way through his orgasm, the way John was trembling on top of him pushing him closer to his own. 

His breathing picked up and he started to pant louder as John’s movements became erratic, his hand unintentionally squeezing nearly too tight and the sensation suddenly tipped Sebastian over the edge. He made nearly no noise, gasping quietly as he bucked his hips beneath John, spilling over his hand. 

As soon as the tremors had stopped racking his body Sebastian pulled John in for another deep kiss, but this time it was slow and sloppy. Both of them drained from climax and he pulled John forward so he was resting against Sebastian. 

John hummed, exhausted, and he nuzzled closer to Seb, breathing in his unique smell. “You need to start speaking again,” he murmured lazily. “Miss you bossing me around. Doesn’t feel right when it’s the other way around,” he said, smiling as he kissed over Sebastian’s neck.

It made him sick to think that in less than twenty-four hours, he was going to be handing himself over to Jim, was going to be forced into bed with him.

Hopefully, though, for the last time.

"I love you so much, Sebastian," he whispered. "Don’t you ever doubt that. Not ever. I’m going to marry you at a fancy wedding, and you’re going to take me on a honeymoon to Prague, and we’re going to have the best fucking sex ever, alright?" he asked, leaning back with what felt like a great effort and cupping Seb’s cheek, smiling softly at him.

"J-John." Sebastian smiled back, hating himself for not being able to say more but he would work at it. He was desperate to be able to speak again, just to tell John he loved him, to call him baby again. Anything.   
Instead he settled forward for leaning into John and kissing him softly and tapping out I love you on his arm. 

He hummed contentedly before starting to move John, they could clean up later, right now he just wanted to be close. He moved them so they were both lying down and facing each other, with their foreheads pressed together and their breaths mingling. 

John smiled, blissfully just letting himself be held, letting himself be close and warm and smiling at Seb. He didn’t say ‘I love you’ again, because he didn’t need to. Sebastian knew, and that was good enough for John. 

So he closed his eyes and relaxed, letting himself be consumed by the man that was his life. “One more day,” he whispered, running his hand gently over Seb’s side. “Just one more day, and then everything will be better. I promise,” he said, convincing himself just as much as he was convincing Sebastian.

Sebastian nodded slightly, hoping that John was right. That everything would be finished tomorrow, that they would be fine. He pulled John even closer, tucking his head under his own chin and closing his eyes.   
They may as well sleep, cleaning up could wait until morning. John would especially need the energy for whatever he was doing.

Before he tried to go to sleep he tapped out a quick message on John’s arm,   
'It will be fine, I trust you.'

John hummed in response, letting himself get comfortable before he slowly drifted off to sleep.

~

When he woke up in the morning, Sebastian was still asleep, and John wanted to keep it that way. It would be too painful to say goodbye, especially when he knew that there was a chance that he wouldn’t be coming back. 

He disentangled himself from Seb’s arms and slipped out of bed, pulling on a robe and grabbing a pile of clothes. He walked downstairs to find Sherlock awake and in the kitchen, pouring over something on his laptop. They said nothing to each other, and John passed for the shower.

When he came out, he made himself some tea, and then sat across from Sherlock. “Are you ready?” he asked softly, clearing his throat and staring at the table.


	30. Chapter 30

Two hours later found him in a cab, reading a message on his phone from Sebastian. It was an old message, something that he had kept during the time they had been apart. 

He deleted it now, tucking his phone into his pocket as he took out his wallet and paid the cabbie. “Thanks,” he murmured, getting out and walking into Jim’s flat.

When Sebastian awoke he was by himself and the spot where John had been was now cool so he knew that he had been gone for a while, at first there was a sudden feeling of abandonment that consumed him for a few moments before he shook his head. John was just being efficient and wanted to get all of this over and done with without disturbing Sebastian. Once he had sorted himself out and told himself to stop being ridiculous he pulled himself out of bed. 

He checked to make sure John had left the gun for him before making his way to the shower. He was quick in the bathroom since he wanted to find something to eat; now being in the process of gaining back his weight. 

After he had eaten he made his way into the living room and began trying to occupy himself with reading and trying not to worry about John. Always making sure he had the gun close he was also constantly checking his phone just in case there was any news. But now, all he could do was wait.

~

John shivered, lying on Jim’s bed, marked and already bruising. Jim hadn’t really given him any relief today, not when John had come over voluntarily. No, today he had been subjected to  _everything_. 

"Can I walk around, boss?" he asked, his voice rough from being strangled for so long. When he got a nod, he stood carefully and moved around the bedroom, then out into the living room. His feet were tender, and he winced as he walked over to his coat, fishing around for his phone.

"Looking for this?"

John turned, looking up at Jim, who was brandishing his phone. He swallowed, fighting to keep his composure. “Yeah. Wanted to see if Seb had texted,” he lied.

Sebastian had managed to fall asleep again, this time on the sofa and he jumped when his phone buzzed and immediately groaned at the ache in his neck. He stretched out the kink before picking up his phone and frowning at the number, he didn’t actually expect John to message him until much later.

He frowned again when he saw the picture message and opened it, apprehension making him feel sick, something may have gone terribly wrong, and he didn’t know how to react at all to the picture he had been sent. 

John was covered in bruises and lash marks, tied to the bed he knew was Jim’s and his heart almost stopped. It was only sent a few moments ago and he immediately rang John’s mobile, putting it on speaker and resting it on the coffee table so he would be able to knock against it to ‘talk’ on the phone. 

John jerked on the rope that bound his arms painfully above his head. He hissed as he pulled his shoulder, closing his eyes against the pain.

"Hello, Sebastian," Jim said, walking around the bedroom, every so often smacking the whip somewhere on John’s body, making him flinch. "Pity I can’t hear your voice right now. I’m sure it’s shaking." He chuckled, glancing back at John. "Oh no, he came here willingly."

Jim tutted, shaking his head at something Sebastian was saying. “No, no, love. I can’t give him back to you. Johnny’s been a naughty boy, and he’s such a good little fuck. I’m going to keep him for a while, but you know what we have to do to naughty boys, Sebastian.”

Sebastian’s heart was in his mouth as he heard Jim speak; every so often the sound of something like a whip hitting skin in the background was making him flinch.   
At Jim’s words he started knocking no repeatedly on the table, he knew what that entailed and it make him feel sick; hearing another crack of the whip in the background finally forced a loud no from his mouth. 

The sound of his own voice that loud startled him but he really couldn’t bring himself to dwell on it as Jim still had John. Of course Sebastian quickly put the pieces together and assumed Sherlock would be busy with everything else while John ‘distracted’ Jim and he was angry. Angry that John would do that and angry that he would have gladly taken his place. 

Angry that he couldn’t go barging over there and just shoot Jim in the head, firstly he was nowhere near strong enough and it would fuck up the entire plan. Instead he hung up and threw his phone across the room and went straight into the kitchen to find himself the strongest thing to drink he could. There was nothing he could do and he was furious so he was going to have a strong drink and put his time into being able to speak. To stop being so fucking useless. 

Jim laughed, clicking off the phone and tossing it on the bedside table. “Bad news, Johnny boy,” he said, walking over to the bed and leaning over John. “Sebby isn’t coming to save you.”

John flinched as Jim brought up the whip, tracing it over John’s chest. “You ready for another round yet?”

**

Jim broke him. Blow by blow, fuck by fuck, he broke him down until he was nothing but tears and screams. 

John lost track of time, aware only of when Jim was there and when he wasn’t. He couldn’t even keep track of whether or not days were passing, because he was blindfolded at some point, and Jim never stayed longer than was needed.

Sebastian startled hours and hours later when he hear the door slam open and footsteps rushing up the stairs, he grabbed the gun and pointed it at the door, stopping only when he saw it was Sherlock. He looked slightly panicked and said that John obviously hadn’t been able to carry out the plan and Sebastian moved over and grabbed Sherlock’s hand and tapped furiously. 

 _'Jim has him and won't let go. We need to finish this. Is everything done?'_  Sherlock nodded and despite the risk Sebastian and Sherlock made their way to where John would be as fast as possible, both of them filled with nervous energy and adrenaline pumping through them. 

As soon as they arrived they barrelled in, taking down one last man in their way before running into the apartment. Sherlock took a risk and knew that Sebastian could handle this on the sheer adrenaline alone and he was sure John would never forgive him if he saw whatever state he was in so instead he guarded the door.

Sebastian went straight through to the main bedroom and when he saw the flogger in Jim’s hands he saw red, shooting and hitting Jim right in the wrist, a splatter of red painting the wall behind him and he practically howled in pain. 

Sebastian then found himself dropping the gun and moving forward using his momentum to plant a punch in Jim’s stomach, causing him to double over and as he did Sebastian grabbed his head. The chemicals coursing through his body pretty much done the rest as he twisted harshly and there was a snap before complete silence. 

John flinched and curled in on himself as much as he could as soon as the shot rang through the room. He didn’t dare hope that it could be Sebastian, so he didn’t say anything, didn’t cry out.

There were quick fingers at his wrists, taking off the ropes as gently as possible. The blindfold quickly followed, and John blinked, chancing a glance up. He found Sebastian staring at him with worry written all over his face.

John sobbed, grabbing at Seb’s shoulders and pulling him closer. He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was another choked sob.

As soon as John pulled him close his arms were wrapped around him, being mindful of any injuries but still holding John as close as possible. After a few moments, simply letting John get used to the fact he was here, he raised his hand and started softly stroking through his hair, 

"B… baby." He stayed there for what may have been a few minutes before moving, trying to tell John it would be okay with soft touches and quiet shushing noises since it was the best he could manage.

Sebastian pulled the quilt from the bed and wrapped it around John so he was completely covered and helped his to his feet after picking up the gun and tucking it in his waistband.  
He wrapped his arms around John to help him walk, moving slowly and carefully since he was unable to carry him. 

John didn’t voice his pain as they walked, didn’t say anything at all, didn’t make any noises. He let Sebastian support him, even though Seb was the one who was thwarted with weakened muscles. John had the mind at least to recognise that Seb was running off of adrenaline, and John was completely wiped of all energy.

He didn’t remember walking past Sherlock, who followed them as cover as they made their way outside to the street. He didn’t remember getting into a cab, didn’t remember arriving back at Baker Street.

He would only later realise what had happened, and acknowledge that Baker Street was the safest place for them at the moment. Currently, though, all he knew was that there was a total of thirty-six steps leading up to his room, and he didn’t know if he had the strength to make it up them.

He followed Seb out of the cab, though, walked up the stairs to the main part of the flat. He knew that some of his injuries needed attention, a couple of the cuts probably needed stitches, but he couldn’t do it, and neither could Seb.

"Sherlock," he whispered, swaying a bit where he stood. "You… can stitch, yeah?" Sherlock nodded, and John returned the gesture. "Good…" His knees gave out suddenly, and, as he was falling, he blacked out.

Both Sebastian and Sherlock managed to get John into the living room and near enough to the sofa and they both stilled when John spoke. Sebastian looked to Sherlock at John’s question and let out a breath of relief when he nodded before John suddenly became a dead weight in his arms and he only just managed to get him to the sofa before he landed on the floor. 

He looked at Sherlock and gestured him away with his hand, telling him to go and get the things necessary to treat John’s wounds. Sebastian moved John so he was lying properly on the sofa so everything was easily accessible for Sherlock to treat.   
He removed the quilt that was wrapped around John and looked over his wounds; luckily it seemed only a few would need stitches. Most of it was superficial but all of them would need cleaning. 

Sherlock returned quick enough and was soon working on John. Sebastian moved back and let him get on with it, trying not to get in his way but staying close in case he needed anything.

After what felt like hours Sherlock was finally done and they both incredibly carefully carried John up to bed, not dressing him and instead putting him under the quilt and Sebastian settled next to him. He made sure to keep some distance between them and sat up against the head board so he could watch John, keeping an eye on him. 

John couldn’t say how long he slept, but when he woke, it was with a groan of aches and pains. He moved his arms first, double checking that they weren’t tied up. Then he tried his legs, found them too heavy to deal with right then. 

He finally blinked open his eyes and turned his head, finding Sebastian above him. “Seb?” he whispered, reaching out tentatively to touch him, hoping that he was actually there, that he was solid and that John wasn’t dreaming.

Sebastian had dozed off again leaning against the headboard, the events finally taking their toll. He must have only been sleeping lightly though because as soon as there was any movement he was awake, he immediately looked over to John and moved closer as he saw him reaching out, letting John grasp his arm. 

"John." He smiled, before reaching out and covering John’s hand with his own, tapping on his knuckles. Telling him he was safe now and it was over and that he was here.   
He moved closer, being careful not to jostle John too much before settling right next to him so John could move closer if he wanted since he was unsure how he was feeling right this moment. 

John watched Seb moving, noticed the hesitancy in his motions. John smiled, trying to reassure him that he was fine, but he couldn’t find the voice to do so. 

He moved carefully closer, tentatively touching Sebastian’s side, his arm, anything that he could reach with a ghost-like touch. He tapped out a soft ‘I love you’ on Seb’s wrist, wanting to convey that he was alright, that he just needed time for his body to heal.

Sebastian let out a large sigh of relief when John tapped out his message and smiled softly before shaking his head and grasping John’s hand lightly and tapping out a reply.   
'I feel like we should learn sign language.” He laughed quietly before reaching out and gently stroking John's arm, reassuring him and hopefully lulling him back to sleep.

It looked like they would both be recovering at the same time, though Sebastian’s wounds had already started to knit back together and he was well enough to move around he mostly had to focus on gaining weight.

"John."

He stroked his arm once more, giving him another smile before tapping out the word sleep and closing his eyes. He followed John’s arm down to his hand and linked their fingers so they could be close, grounding each other.

John hummed, closing his eyes as well. “I love you,” he whispered, feeling like he was very close to falling asleep. He felt Sebastian’s hand tighten in his own, and then John was pulled into a relaxing rhythm of dreamless sleeping.


	31. Chapter 31

Months passed rather peacefully at Baker Street while John and Sebastian healed. Seb had received a call early on by someone else in Jim’s network, telling them what had happened as if it was news to him. Sebastian accepted becoming the leader of the underground organisation, and then that was that.

John healed a little slowly, his shock making the wounds stitch together at a hindered pace.

But now they were both back to full health, and John was ready to go home. 

"How about breakfast, and then we can catch a cab?" he asked over his shoulder as he pulled on a pair of jeans.

Sebastian nodded in agreement and stretched his arms out before pulling on a t-shirt. Happy at the way they fit snug again and he looked at John.

"Home sounds great." He smiled again. It had taken weeks upon weeks of training and therapy to be able to speak again and he very nearly cried when he managed to put together a full sentence for the first time, he of course made sure that the sentence was telling John how much he loved him.   
They finished getting ready and Sebastian walked over to John and wrapped his arms around him,

"Might have to call the cleaners, everything will be covered in dust." He laughed lightly before kissing John, revelling in the feel of his lips because he could never get sick of it.

John was halfway through a laugh when Sebastian kissed him, and he quickly changed the sound to a soft hum, parting his lips and taking a taste of Sebastian.

He let their tongues tangle together, his arms coming up to circle Seb’s waist, pulling him closer. The hum turned to a moan, and he stood up on his toes, trying to make the kiss last longer.

When he broke away, he was grinning, and he kissed his way down Sebastian’s throat before leaning back to look at him. “Fuck, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that,” he said, leaning up for another quick kiss before he pulled away, walking over to the door.

"Mmm I hope not." He laughed quietly again and followed John to the door, landing a light tap on his arse as he walked behind him.   
Once they were downstairs in the living area he checked the bag that he and John were sharing to make sure he actually had their flat keys since they hadn’t had much reason to use them as of late. He took them out and put them in his pocket, it felt strange, the thought that they were going home. Strange but he couldn’t remember a time he had felt happier, knowing that it was now all over.

He moved over to John and linked their fingers together, pulling him closer.

"We need to go to a jewelers."

John nodded, squeezing Seb’s hand. “I was thinking that we could just exchange dog tags for engagement, and then maybe we can pick out the wedding rings together,” he said.

He looked over at Sherlock, who had deduced it already that they were engaged. Sherlock was astutely ignoring them, but John didn’t really mind. Sherlock didn’t have to be on board with him marrying Sebastian; he just had to mind his manners.

"Toast for breakfast?" he asked, leading Seb into the kitchen.

Sebastian smiled and nodded at the dog tags suggestion, it was a lot more personal and he kissed John softly before following him through to the kitchen. 

"Toast sounds good." Sebastian wrapped his arms around John’s waist as he put the bread in the toaster and pressed up against his back, resting his chin on the top of John’s head. 

"Gotta admit, never thought I would have to plan a wedding." He laughed quietly and was suddenly hit again with the reality of the situation. He was going to marry John, actually marry him. They were promising themselves to each other forever and he never thought he would have that with anyone and he tightened his arms around John’s waist before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

John felt immensely short when Sebastian hugged him from behind, but he also felt incredibly loved and protected. He hummed, smiling as he leant back against Seb’s chest, his hands coming up to rest over Sebastian’s arms.

"I’ll help plan it," he teased. "Won’t be just you." He chuckled softly, imagining the disaster that would come from letting Sebastian loose at planning a wedding. "I’m excited for it too," he said quietly, a lot more serious about it now. 

He turned around in Sebastian’s arms, resting his hands on his chest and looking up at him. “I love you,” he murmured. “Thought that was impossible for me. But I do.” He smiled, signing the word ‘Forever’ to Sebastian.

Sebastian kept his arms looped around John’s waist when he turned around and looked down at John, his breath almost catching at the look in his eyes. 

"I love you too baby." He gave him a wide smile when he signed forever and he leaned down to press a soft kiss to John’s lips. They ended up both learning to sign and were now entirely proficient in it, it helped majorly when Sebastian was still getting around to talking again and now every so often, when he closed off, they could only communicate through signing. Mostly in public places with high volumes of people, Sebastian tended to be unable to speak so they conversed in sign. 

At that moment the toast popped out and he loosened his grip on John’s waist so he could turn around and see to it. 

John chuckled softly, turning around and putting the toast out on a plate. He buttered each slice and put some jam on his own two, leaving the others for Seb.

He munched happily, leaning against the counter. “So,” he started, taking another bite and chewing it while he thought, “should we get married in Prague or have our honeymoon there? I hear it’s beautiful this time of year with the snow and everything.”

He looked up at Seb, smiling softly. “I mean, if you want to go. We can just stay here, too,” he murmured, leaning over against Seb’s side.

"God no, getting away sounds amazing." Sebastian picked up a slice of toast and ate half of it before speaking again, 

"Also Prague is amazing; I have been before except it was on a job." He pulled a face and laughed before finishing his toast, considering the whole thing. 

"But I think we should get married here. Then honeymoon, it’s more… traditional I guess?" As he reached for his other slice of toast he pressed a kiss to John’s lips and couldn’t resist licking away the crumb at the corner of his mouth, humming at the faint sweetness from the jam. 

John hummed, kissing Seb again and then laughing lightly as he pulled away. “Yes, alright. We’ll be boringly traditional, then,” he teased, poking him in the ribs before he turned and washed the plate.

"Are you ready?" he asked a few moments later, smiling up at Seb and taking his hand. "It’ll be nice to get back to our own place again."

"Hey, I think we could use some boring for a change." He grinned at John and linked their fingers together when John took his hand. 

"I never thought I would miss the flat but I have." He smiled and with John’s hand still in his moved to grab the back and put it over his shoulder, tapping his pocket to make sure the keys were there again and nodding to himself. 

"Let’s go get a cab." They both said a quick goodbye to Sherlock, not wanting to linger longer than necessary and went out to catch a cab, only letting go of each other’s hands when they had to get in the cab and get back out.   
Sebastian tipped the driver generously and sighed as he looked up at the building, heading inside with a smile on his face. 

John followed after Sebastian, letting him go first to take a look at everything. John had called in already and hired the cleaners and a decorating crew to put up a tree and some lights. It was nearly Christmas, after all. 

John grinned at the way Sebastian froze just inside of the door, and he walked up, wrapping his arms around his waist. “What do you think, Daddy?” he asked, humming softly as he looked past Seb’s arm and into the expanse of the flat.

They really had done a fine job decorating. He could smell the sap from the tree, and it pleased something deep inside of him to smell it. “God, it’s been ages since I’ve had a tree,” he said, stepping around Sebastian and walking into the flat.

It took him a moment for everything to register and once it did tears immediately sprang to his eyes and he choked up. He promised himself he would stop this crying lark but he couldn’t stop himself. This was something he had never expected. His family had never ‘done’ Christmas and when he could he had no one to share it with and Jim had hated it. 

He turned to face John and grasped his face in his large hands and kissed him deeply before moving back and signing, 

_'Give me a moment.'_

He took in the decorations again, looking at the lights and the size of the tree and let out a shaky breath and finally turned back to John.

"I’ve never had a proper Christmas before, I… this mean so much. Thank you baby." He pulled himself together and kissed John again, wrapping his arms around him and dipping him down slightly. 

John leant into the kiss, trusting Seb as he dipped him down. When they straightened, John smiled softly. “You’re welcome,” he murmured, leaning up on his toes to peck at Seb’s cheek. 

He took their bag from Seb, tossing it over his shoulder. “Would you like to open one of your presents early?” he asked, his eyes twinkling. “You’re going to have to sit on the sofa if you do,” he said, giving Seb an almost shy smile. “It’s really special, Daddy.”

The bag was an excuse to leave the room for a moment, but the present was an excuse to get them together again. Neither of them were great with words, but actions… They could speak novels through their actions, and John wanted them to communicate on the same level again.

Sebastian tried to refrain from nodding like an excited child and instead he licked his lips at the shy smile on John’s face and the way he said daddy and he immediately walked over to the sofa and sat and waited as John took the bag into their room. 

He chewed his lip and looked around the room again, trying to reign in the emotions that were threatening to spill. He had to do something amazing for John, something he knew he wanted and he grinned to himself as he waited.   
Well he knew something he could get John, his grin dropped into a smile as he heard John walking back into the room and he tried not to turn around. 

"Can I look or are you going to make me close my eyes." 

John had changed as quickly as he could, settling the deep red, lacy panties in their proper place. He let out a breath, pulling up the thigh-highs as well, and then he straightened up and walked back into the living room. 

He blushed, leaning against the wall as he studied Sebastian; saw him fighting to not look. “You can look,” John said softly, his hands folded in front of him, not knowing what to do with them.

Sebastian let out a small breath of relief and turned around slowly, unsure of what he would see and he let out an audible gasp. The shade of red made John’s skin seem almost pale and his eyes followed down to his legs, almost drooling at the sight of the black hold ups trimmed with red.   
He stood slowly from the sofa and walked over to John, practically eating him alive with his eyes as he prowled over. 

"You look absolutely gorgeous baby." He stopped just in front of him and looked down at the gorgeous man in front of him. 

"Stand up straight for daddy and put your hands behind your back." He slipped into it without even having to think and he smiled when John complied. He walked around him slowly; taking in every detail and eventually ran his hand softly over the red lace covering his hip. 

John closed his eyes for a moment, leaning into Sebastian’s touch. He was so relieved that Seb liked it that he let himself relax for the briefest of seconds.

"Did I make a good choice, Daddy?" he asked, opening his eyes again and looking up at Seb from under his lashes. "Is this… Does this make you happy?" 

He swallowed, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He and Seb both had new scars; both had been possessed by a man that was now dead.

But he was Seb’s, and he was trying to reaffirm that with the both of them.

"Oh you made a fantastic choice, and you know that you make me happy, this is just a bonus." He came back around so he was facing John and he pulled him close, using one hand to gently tilt John’s head up and the other to move down and skim over the lace covering John’s arse.

"You look gorgeous." He tilted his head down and gently kissed John, only a light pressure until he decided to deepen it. Flicking his tongue out and licking over John’s thinner lips and John getting the hint, already willing to please him and he couldn’t stop the quiet moan that escaped him. 

As he hands roamed over John’s mostly bare body he realized John couldn’t do the same to him with him still being fully clothed and it sent a thrill through him, it gave he even more control and he pressed even further into the kiss. Sebastian eventually pulled back, leaving them both breathing heavily and he picked John up, securing his legs around his waist and moaning at the friction over his clothed cock and walking them to the bedroom.

Once they were there he lay John down on the bed carefully, looking at him with complete adoration.

"So fucking beautiful, and all mine, my gorgeous baby." He ran his hands slowly up longs stocking covered legs, sighing as his hands met the warm skin of his upper thighs.

John squirmed on the bed, his chest a little raw from rubbing against Sebastian’s shirt when he was carried in here. He let his hands stay on the mattress to either side of him, giving Sebastian a full view of him.

He hummed at the praise, glad that Sebastian was happy with this. 

His legs spread wider, and he could feel his cock hardening with every touch Sebastian gave him. He was annoyed that he couldn’t touch Sebastian the way that Seb was touching him, but it wasn’t a major issue. And Seb was probably doing it for a reason, anyway.

Sebastian ran his hands up the inside of John’s thighs this time, letting his fingertips move slowly over the bare skin and tease at the edge of the stockings which he had already decided were going to stay on.   
He finally moved his hands up and over his hips and to his sides, stroking gently and letting his fingernails drag lightly across the spots that he knew made John shiver.

"You look so perfect like that baby, so pliant and ready to please me. You’ve done so well." Sebastian moved forward, ignoring John’s hardening cock and kissing his stomach instead. 

He followed John’s torso up with his lips until he had reached his chest, dipping his head again to lick over John’s nipple. Working it until it was a solid peak before he started to suck and bite lightly.   
He looked up at John to make sure he was okay before moving across and giving exactly the same treatment to the other side. He looked back up at John, he already looked blissed out and Sebastian smiled before kissing his way back down John’s torso.

John hadn’t been touched like this in so long that it felt like years. He sighed and hummed, moving his body into the touches, his fingers grasping at the sheets on the bed to hold himself down.

He whimpered softly as Sebastian started moving back down, snapping his attention back into focus. “Daddy,” he whispered, lifting his head a little to look down when Sebastian stopped. “Can I touch you?” he asked, his hands aching to be moving through Sebastian’s hair, over his clothed shoulders, down his chest.

He knew better than to beg, so he just asked the once, chewing on his lip as he waited for Sebastian to answer.

Sebastian pressed one last kiss to John’s stomach, just above the top of the underwear and looked up at John’s question. He smiled again at the fact john had actually thought and nodded,

"You’ve be so good baby, you can touch." When he felt John’s hand settle into his hair he resumed kissing John’s skin, sometimes the inside of his thigh and sometimes hot open mouthed kisses over his hips.   
He purposefully done this for a few minutes, occasionally reaching up and pinching at his nipples while his other hand mapped out John’s skin, waiting until John’s breathing was ragged and he finally moved back.

"So sensitive for me aren’t you? Such a good boy." This time he eventually moved his mouth over the underwear that was framing John’s cock, and he pressed a kiss to the base of his shaft through the thin material. 

He slowly started to lick and suck lightly up John’s length, dampening the underwear as he did before finally reaching the tip which was now peeking out from under the waistband. Sebastian flicked his tongue out and licked up the pre cum that had collected there.

John gasped and moaned at the damp heat that was suddenly suctioning the fabric to his cock. “Oh,” he whispered, his lips framing the word softly as he moved his hips, desperate for more. “Oh, Daddy,” he gasped, whining and begging silently.

His fingers tightened in Sebastian’s hair as soon as Seb’s tongue brushed the head of his cock. “Fuck,” he whispered, closing his eyes and turning his head, blushing as he lifted his hips, trying to get Sebastian closer. 

He wanted to be fucked roughly, to be told what a good slut he was and how hungry he was for his daddy’s cock, but he also wanted to be loved slowly and gently, with bites and nips and spanks. He wanted everything, and he was so glad that he wasn’t in charge.

Sebastian finally relented and pulled down the waistband of the underwear just enough to expose John’s cock and top the tip in his mouth, suckling lightly. His hands continued to explore his thighs every now and then scratching the exposed skin but still keeping his movements soft.

When John started to squirm slightly he took more of his length into his mouth, flattening his tongue against the underside of his cock and sucking with a bit more pressure.   
He hummed around John as he started to move his head in earnest, gripping John’s thighs and keeping his legs apart, focusing entirely on John and trying to ignore himself for the moment. 

When Sebastian felt John start to tremble beneath him he gave one last long lick up the underside of John’s shaft before pulling off, giving John time to move back from the edge since he wanted to draw this out.   
He moved up the bed so he was now hovering over John and he licked his lips, taking in John’s heavy lidded eyes and parted lips. 

"You couldn’t be any more perfect baby." 

John smiled with just one corner of his mouth quirking up. His thighs were still trembling a little from the force of the orgasm he had been denied. “Thank you, Daddy,” he managed, petting his fingers through Sebastian’s hair.

He licked his lips and swallowed, wanting to taste Sebastian but wanting him inside of him more. They hadn’t had sex in a really long time, not in this way, at least.

He ran his hands down Seb’s side, trying to be inviting with his gestures.

He smiled at the way John was canting his hips towards him and he couldn’t refuse him much longer, he had already pushed him to the brink once. He moved away and stood at the side of the bed, pinning John with his gaze as he stripped off his clothes, purposefully taking longer and making sure they were folded and put to the side before he found the lube. 

Sebastian eventually moved back over John, kneeling beside him before manoeuvring him onto his hands and knees. He moved behind him, unable to resist rutting against his backside that was still covered by the underwear. Sebastian groaned softly before kissing down John’s spine and stopping at the small of his back. 

He slowly slipped the underwear down, leaving it around John’s thighs and he ran his hands of John’s plush arse. 

"Just fucking look at you, you want this so much don’t you baby?" He move down and bit the skin of one cheek lightly before pressing his tongue gently against John’s perineum and starting to lap at the sensitive skin. 

John moved over without much complaint, ducking his head down once he was situated. He opened his mouth, about to say that he’d wanted this for weeks, when Sebastian’s mouth was suddenly on him, and John was whimpering instead.

He rocked his hips back against Sebastian, begging him under his breath to “please, please fuck me, Daddy, please,” but he couldn’t manage to make his voice any louder.

His hands gripped fistfuls of the sheets as he tried to anchor himself, and he spread his legs as wide as they could go without ripping the panties. 

Sebastian’s tongue moved up John’s perineum, and John keened, rocking his hips away and then back again. He was already sensitive from before, and this wasn’t helping to still his mind.

Sebastian kept his mouth moving over John, alternating between long broad strokes of his tongue over his perineum and light licks over his puckered entrance.   
When John started keening and nearly trying to fuck the air Sebastian slowed and stopped completely, moving away so John came back from the edge yet again. 

He pulled back complete and ran his hands over John’s sides and kissed his back again, 

"You’re doing so well for me baby, so patient and receptive." He finally picked up the lube and took his time slicking up his fingers before moving back over John and leaning down until his chest was pressed against John’s back and one arm was wrapped around his waist

He brushed his fingers over John’s entrance, spreading the lube over the skin before slowly pressing in his index finger. He could be rough later but right now he wanted to take John apart, let him know he was entirely Sebastian’s. 

"My gorgeous boy, amazing John." 

John loved the weight of Sebastian on his back, loved the way that he was completely engulfed by him. He needed this, needed to feel safe and protected and  _owned_.

"Daddy," he whispered, pushing his hips back against Sebastian’s fingers, groaning as he was slowly impaled and gently worked open. He shivered, moaning into the sheets, wishing he could rut against them as well. 

He was down from two orgasms now, and his cock was so hard he thought he could burst. It nearly hurt, and he was dribbling pre-cum from the tip. “Daddy, please,” he whispered, needing more than just a finger or two. He needed to cum, badly.

"Shh, patience baby." He kept working John open until he had three fingers pressed into him, twisting and scissoring, occasionally pressing against John’s prostate but not over stimulating him so he wouldn’t cum. Not just yet. 

He eventually pulled his fingers from John and kissed the small of John’s back before turning him over so he was now lying on his back. There was a small patch on the bed from where John had been leaking and he smiled knowing that he had done that. He stilled John’s hands when he went to take off the underwear completely, 

"Ah ah, leave them on." He picked up the lube once more before slicking himself up and moaning loudly at the feel of the slowly warming lube. Once he was well and truly coated he moved forward, and pushed John’s legs together and up until his thighs were almost pressing down on his stomach and his ankles were hooked over Sebastian’s shoulder.

After turning his head and pressing a kiss to the bottom of John’s calf he lined himself up and used one hand to guide him into John, pushing in agonizingly slow so he could savour the feel of sinking into the now wet heat. 

John stared up at Sebastian with wide, soft eyes as soon as he was on his back again. He found it odd, having his ankles on Seb’s shoulders, but it wasn’t bad. He just thought it was weird, especially with him being so short.

"Oh, fuck," he gasped, lifting his hips as Sebastian started slowly pushing into him. "Oh, Daddy, please," he whispered, nearly quaking as he felt Sebastian filling him up, stretching him deep and finally holding still, bottomed out where he was.

John lifted one hand to cup Seb’s cheek, and the other went to his own stomach, poking around his lower abdomen until he swore that he could feel the head of Seb’s cock inside of him. He groaned, arching his back and moving his hips, begging his daddy to continue.

Sebastian grasped John’s hand that had made its way to his stomach and pressed it down into the mattress, supporting his weight on it so he wouldn’t be tempted to touch himself.   
He did however lean into John’s touch on his cheek, turning his head so he could kiss the palm of John’s hand before drawing back and slowly sinking back into John in one long stroke. 

"Oh fuck baby, you feel so good." He rocked his hips, moving inside John without pulling out before he thrust into him again. He lent his weight forward, leaning some of his weight on John’s thighs and keeping himself held up with one hand as he used his other to stroke down John’s leg.   
He pressed another kiss to John’s calf before snapping his hips forward and thrusting into John harder. 

John cried out, tossing his head back and grabbing onto the sheets. He wasn’t too far from the edge, really, but even without the denied orgasms, the way Sebastian was fucking him would have had him testing his stamina.

"Daddy," he whimpered, all too aware of the hand petting his thigh, skimming over the ridge where the thigh highs met John’s skin. He was hypersensitive of the way his cock was bouncing on his stomach, the way Seb was pushing him way inside.

Everything felt so much  _more_  now that John had been without Seb for so long. He’d been with Jim twice since the last time Seb had been inside him, and John wanted to erase that claim.

"Daddy, please, you feel so good," he whispered, gasping again as the next thrust pushed him up the bed a few inches.

"Come on baby let yourself go." His voice was strained and broken with deep moans and he continued to thrust into John, hard and steady. After a few more thrusts he let John’s legs slip from his shoulders, so John ended up having to twist over on his side, moving around Sebastian’s cock as he did so, drawing a deep groan from him. 

He swore again at the sight of the panties still around John’s thighs and he pulled entirely out of John, smirking at the small whine due to the loss. He moved John so he was on his front again, this time with his chest pressed against the mattress, and his arse up in the air with his thighs being held together by deep red lace. 

He ran a hand over John’s arse before smacking it lightly as he lined up before immediately pushing back in, drawing a ragged moan from himself when he was fully seated. 

This time when he started thrusting it was hard and fast, he had already pushed John to the edge multiple times and now he was going to shatter him, let him know that they were each other’s and no one else’s.   
The room filled with the sound of skin slapping against skin and Sebastian’s loud moans as he felt himself coming closer and closer to orgasm while he relentlessly fucked John. 

John lost himself in the steady rhythm of Sebastian’s cock, trying to let go, and then Seb was gone, and John was on his front in his  _favourite_  position, and then - fuck  _yes_.

John gasped as Sebastian slammed back into him, and John was soon lost in the quick, sharp movements. 

His orgasm hit him like a freight train, and he screamed into the mattress as his body shook apart. He felt like he was exploding, shattering on the bed as Seb kept fucking him, kept hitting that spot over and over again, pushing him to the point where it was almost painful.

Without being able to get a word out, John reached back, digging his fingertips into Seb’s thigh, choking on air as he tried to refill his lungs.

Sebastian kept him pressed into the mattress with one hand on his back, leaning his weight on John as the man came apart beneath him. He would be so over sensitive right now, having came without being touched and Sebastian was still relentlessly thrusting into him.   
He grabbed John’s waist with his other hand and dug his nails in hard as his own orgasm eventually hit him, his own cock pulsing inside of John as he came with a shout.

He moved his hand from John’s back but leant forward, resting on John as he got his breath back enough so he could move off him. He found that he was shaking slightly from the intensity of it and he stroked soothingly down John’s side.

"I’m going to move now baby." He slipped out of John, twitching due to his sensitive softening cock and he pushed John onto his side before settling down so they were facing each other.   
He reached up and cupped John’s jaw, pulling him in for the softest of kisses before murmuring against his lips,

"I love you so much baby. So fucking much." He pulled John closer to him, wrapping his larger arms around him and holding him close, occasionally pressing soft kisses to his forehead or hair.

John let himself be moved around, pulled into the safety of Sebastian’s embrace. “Love you too, Daddy,” he whispered, still trembling as he rested his forehead against Seb’s chest.

Every clench of his muscles, every shift of his body, hurt, and so he went boneless, his eyes closed as he rested against Sebastian. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t be able to move for a while, so he just let himself fall asleep.

When he woke up, it was to Sebastian gently kissing him awake, and John kissed gently back, his eyes still closed as he brushed their noses together and slid their tongues together. He hummed when he pulled away, smiling softly as he looked up at Sebastian. “What time is it, Daddy?” he asked. 

"It’s late baby, we should get up and get something to eat after we get you cleaned up." John was still in the underwear, having fallen asleep exactly where he lay and Sebastian stripped him off carefully. He forced himself to properly get off the bed before going to get a warm damp flannel and wipe down John, getting rid of any stickiness and kissing him softly when he was cleaned. 

He took the flannel back into the bathroom before walking through and grabbing one of the biggest dressing gowns and wrapping it around John. He was unable to resist picking him up and carrying him through to the living room, and sitting down with john in his lap as he flicked on the TV before picking up his phone.

"I think we have most definitely earned pizza." He gave john a smile and a quick peck on the cheek before finding the number for the delivery and putting in the he order. Once he was done he pulled John against his chest and started stroking his hair.

"How you feeling baby?"

John was a bit startled when Sebastian picked him up, but he was very okay with it, and he burrowed against Seb’s chest once they were sitting on the sofa.

He hummed, enjoying the feeling of those fingers in his hair. “I’m fine, Daddy,” he said softly, running his fingers over Seb’s chest, humming softly as he did so. “Tired,” he said, letting out a breath as he blinked his eyes open to look across the room. “Sore,” he added, “but good.”

He smiled, leaning back to see Sebastian, pressing a small kiss to his jaw. “I love you, Daddy. So much.”

"I love you too baby." He smiled softly when John kissed his jaw and closed his eyes for a second,

"We can eat and you can get some sleep yeah?" He looked back at John, content when he nodded in agreement before grabbing the remote and finding something to watch on TV.   
A re-run of some old game show would have to do before he turned is attentions fully back to John, not once stopping the fingers moving through his hair.

"It’s so good to be home with you love, I’m never going to be able to thank you enough for the decorations either." He gave a large smile before leaning down and stealing a proper kiss, briefly brushing his tongue over John’s lips before settling back into the sofa and sighing contentedly. 

"You comfortable enough baby? You need anything?"

John shook his head, nuzzling closer to Sebastian and resting his head on his daddy’s shoulder. “No, Daddy, I’m perfect,” he said softly, letting out a small breath as he rested, the sound from the telly filling the room.

When the bell rang for the pizza, John slid off of Seb’s lap, resting on the sofa cushions until he came back. The smell of pizza hit him and made his stomach growl, and he moaned as he pushed himself up to sit, giving a smile to Sebastian as he retook his seat. 

"Smells wonderful," he said, reaching forward and ripping a piece off as soon as the box was open.

"You must be hungry." Sebastian laughed quietly before reaching forward and getting a piece for himself, making sure John was contentedly eating before starting on his own slice. 

They both ate in content silence for a long while, both eating until they were completely full, leaving a few slices in the box. John sat forward to move it but Sebastian pulled him back, pulling him back into his lap. 

"I will sort that out later baby." He let his hands stroke over John’s stomach, just holding him close and soothing him. He felt an overwhelming sense of protection, the need to look after John and maybe he could now. Maybe he could now that it was just the two of them again. 

"There anything else you need?" 

John hummed, looking up at Sebastian and smiling softly. He was warm in his robe, contently curled up on Seb’s lap, and he had Seb’s arms around him and that silky voice in his ear.

"No, Daddy," he whispered, nosing against Seb’s throat. "I’ve got everything I need right here," he murmured, licking and kissing Sebastian’s neck before he settled in and closed his eyes.

"Maybe we could go to bed, though?" he asked softly. "Kind of sore and I want to sleep," he murmured, liking the moments like this when Sebastian felt the need to look after John, and John was more than willing to be looked after.

Sebastian hummed quietly as John payed attention to his neck; he stroked his hands over the parts of John he could reach as John spoke. 

"Of course darling." He pressed a kiss to John’s forehead before moving his arms so he could stand, lifting John up with him as the same time and walking them into the bedroom. He let John carefully down on the bed, taking the robe off him and getting in next to him when they were both completely bare. 

Even with it being winter it still got too warm with both of them so another layer was hardly necessary. Sebastian pulled John too him so he was curled up against him and kissed the top of his head. 

"Okay if I watch some TV while you sleep baby? Don’t wanna disturb you." He kissed John again and couldn’t stop himself as he started stroking over John’s skin. It was hardly sexual he just felt such a need to touch every inch of him. 

John hummed, nodding. “‘course you can watch tv,” he murmured, snuggling against Sebastian and smiling softly. “Just don’t leave me,” he murmured, wrapping his arm around Seb’s waist and holding onto him tightly.

"I love you," he sighed, his fingertips swaying and idly tracing over Sebastian’s back. "So, so much."

He fell asleep thinking about Sebastian and the fact that Christmas was only a week away. John needed to get Seb something else.

"I’m not gonna leave baby, I love you too." He kept his hands moving over John’s skin, stroking him lightly any place he could reach and he turned his attention back to the TV when he heard John’s steady breath letting him know he was asleep.   
He spent most of the time thinking about what he could possibly get John, he racked his brains, of course he could just ask but where was the fun in that? 

A rather good idea came to him and he would have to go shopping at some point, thinking of places he knew that done engravings. He would also get him something else but that would have to wait until just after Christmas and he mentally went through his list of contacts on his phone. Smiling to himself as he did so. 

A couple of hours later John started stirring next to him and he shifted slightly so he could press a kiss to John’s cheek then the corner of his mouth before waking him up properly with a slow deep kiss. 

John hummed, smiling as he leant into the kiss being pressed to his mouth. He tangled his tongue with Sebastian’s for a moment, enjoying his particular taste before he pulled away.

He blinked up at Seb, looking him over and finally smiling. “I’m so glad that you’re back to yourself,” he whispered, reaching his hand up to trace the stubble on Sebastian’s jaw. “You’re so handsome. I love you so much,” he whispered, leaning up to kiss Seb again, positive that he would never get tired of doing it.

Sebastian found himself laughing quietly as John’s hand immediately went to his stubble, he now only trimmed so he had a constant layer of stubble over his jaw since John loved it so much.   
He kissed him back, keeping it slow and lazy but unable stop himself from moving John so he was practically lying on top of Sebastian. He loved John being as close as possible and he splayed his hands over John’s back before breaking the kiss. 

"I’m offended that you only want me for my body." Sebastian tried to look as outraged as possible before bursting into laughter and wrapping his arms completely around John. 

"Fucking hell, I love you so much. Never thought I would be saying that when I asked you out for a pint. Hell, never thought I would marry you." He laughed again, quieter this time, amazing at how much everything had changed and he kissed John’s shoulder. 

"I love you so fucking much baby." 

John laughed, burying his face in Seb’s neck as he shook with laughter. When he got himself under control, he pushed himself up a little, looking down at Sebastian with a smirk. “You know, marrying really isn’t my thing. I only want to do it once, understand?” he said, falsely serious. “Everything’s going to be perfect. It has to be.”

He kissed Seb again, nudging their noses together and humming softly as their lips parted. He nipped Seb’s bottom lip, revelling in how close they were and how easy this was now. 

"I love you too, Sebastian," he murmured, kissing down Seb’s jaw, scraping his teeth over the stubble. "So, so much."

"Oh of course, gotta be perfect for my baby. Thought about what dress you want yet?" He laughed again before quietening down when he felt John’s mouth moving over his jaw, tilting his head back so he had better access.  John soon lowered himself down again, closing his eyes as he nuzzled Seb’s chest. 

"So, was there a reason that you woke me up, or did you just want to snog me for a while?" he teased, taking one of Sebastian’s nipples lazily into his mouth.

"Wanting to snog you for a while _is_  a reason.” He hummed quietly when John’s mouth closed over his nipple and graced it with lazy flicks of his tongue and the occasional tug. 

"But I don’t want it to be a pathetic reason so I’m gonna have to ask for more than a snog." He moaned lightly as John tugged at his nipple when he pulled him back up for another lazy kiss, his hands trailing down to John’s arse and his fingers barely teasing the cleft. 

"I bet you’re still nice and open for me from earlier hmm?" Sebastian had actually considered going to sleep but there was no way he could resist now, not with John on top of him like that sighing between lazy kisses. 

John pulled back a little, looking down at Sebastian with his eyes a little wider. He swallowed, licking his lips as he rocked back a bit against Seb’s hands. “Yes, Daddy,” he said softly, pushing himself up a little more.

He bit his lip, ducking his head down with a blush as Sebastian shamelessly dipped a finger inside of him. “Do you want me to ride you, Daddy?” he asked, looking up at him from under his lashes, moaning shamelessly as a second finger was pushed into him. 

He remembered at the beginning, when he had said that he wouldn’t do anything to act younger, but he was surprised how easily he had slipped into a more innocent role. He didn’t bring his voice up, but it was so, so easy for him to act shy and innocent, bringing up blushes and turning his face away in false embarrassment. And he knew that Sebastian loved it, so he did it.

"Please, Daddy? I’ll be so good for you," he whispered, running his fingers over Seb’s chest.

Sebastian groaned and john squirmed slightly on top of him, two finger sliding easily into him and starting to stretch him open again.

"Oh you want daddy’s cock so bad don’t you, such a slut for me." He smiled at John before stealing another soft kiss as he pushed in a third finger. He moved them in and out of john for a short while before removing them slowly after brushing over Johns prostate.

"Come on then baby, take what you want." Sebastian moved John’s hips so he was straddling him and lined up before moving his hips upwards, pushing the head of his cock into John.   
As he pushed in he felt a drop of precome land on his stomach and he whispered a warning.

"If you make a mess on me you’re cleaning it up with your filthy mouth, got that baby?"

John whined, nodding furiously as he sat himself down on Seb’s cock. Thankfully for him, he wasn’t perfectly lubed up, and the small bit of pain from riding his daddy would remind him not to cum.

"Yes, Daddy," he said softly, adjusting again to being filled before he started raising himself up slowly, sliding along Sebastian’s cock and then sinking back down.

He kept up the slow pace, dragging it out the way Seb had dragged it out earlier. He was still a little sore, but fuck, this actually felt good. Groaning, he tipped his head back, running his hands over his chest as he rocked his hips and circled them, feeling Sebastian move inside of him.

Sebastian groaned deeply when John started to move, his hands grasping John’s thighs and occasionally scratching over the skin. 

"Fuck, such a good boy for me." He moved his hands up and purposefully bypassed John’s cock to reach up and pinch and twist at John’s nipples. He watched each reaction he drew from John with complete focus, the sheer look on John’s face enough to make him moan louder. He ran his hands down John’s sides again before gripping his hips and moving them slightly before he thrust up sharply, angling to hit his prostate.   
He swore as John clenched around him and done it again before starting to thrust up at a slower pace but making sure to hit that bundle of nerves on every move. 

"You look gorgeous like this baby, fuck, on top of me like the slut you are." He kept one hand in a firm grip on John’s hip while he moved his other and wrapped it gently around John’s shaft and squeezed lightly. 

He saw the strain in John’s face, how he was telling himself not to let an orgasm build up and he was more than determined to get John to cum. In part because he loved seeing his baby cum before he did but he was also rather keen to see him clean it up and the thought alone made his cock twitch inside John. 

John whimpered, closing his eyes tightly because he knew what Seb was doing, and it was  _so_  hard to resist. He gasped and moaned and squirmed, fucking himself down on Sebastian’s cock, squeezing his muscles around him.

He was determined not to cum. Not because he was so against the idea of cleaning it up, but just because he knew that he could. He could hold out this long. He wanted to show his daddy how much of a good boy he could be. 

He wrapped his fingers around Seb’s wrists, holding onto him tightly. “Fuck, Daddy, you feel so good,” he whispered, his mouth open in a soft  _O_  as he finally opened his eyes again, looking down to see Sebastian starting up at him.

Sebastian bit his lip as he watched John on top of him, he was practically squirming now and Sebastian was letting out a constant stream of gasps and soft moans.  
He started to move his hand over Johns prick in time with every thrust, seeing John’s face made him quicken the pace slightly. John pressing down as he thrust up.

"You’re being so good baby." He watched as john strained to hold back, the way his body tensed trying to stave it off making him even more gorgeous.

"My good boy." Sebastian groaned loudly as he gave a particularly hard thrust and started to move faster, more erratically. John’s name falling from his lips as he started to use him for his own climax.

"Fuck! God baby." Both hands moved to John’s hips as he felt his climax rush over him and before he could slow himself down he was cumming with a shout, filling John and gripping his hips tightly.

John pushed himself down on Seb’s cock as soon as he felt him cumming. He moaned softly, running his hands over Sebastian’s chest, trying to do anything that he could to distract himself from how much he wanted to cum, how much the need was boiling inside of him.

"Daddy," he whispered, leaning down to kiss Seb softly, trailing his tongue over Sebastian’s lips. Fuck, Seb was hot like this. Blissed out from climax and relaxed enough that he looked even younger than he was. 

He trembled as he felt Seb shifting inside of him, and he bit his lip to hide a soft whimper. 

Sebastian took slow deep breaths and moaned again as he felt John lick over his lips. He could still feel john clenching around him and he immediately moved his hand to John’s prick.   
He ran his thumb over the leaking tip and started to stroke his shaft firmly, pulling him closer to orgasm, seeing just how long John could hold back.

"Oh baby, you’re such a mess. So gorgeous, I could do this forever." He moved up slightly so he could kiss John gently before letting his head fall back against the pillow.

"My good boy aren’t you? All mine." He moved his other hand back and worked a finger in next to his own softening cock.

John gasped and squirmed, his mouth opening and closing around sharp inhales, and exhales that came out as moans. “Oh, fuck, Daddy,” he whimpered, shaking and shuddering as his body demanded release.

His whole being seemed to be pulling taunt, stretched out like a bow string, and he was either going to snap or he was going to have to let go.

He closed his eyes and dropped his head down, feeling tears welling up but he didn’t care. He rocked himself back against Seb’s finger and softening cock, sobbing as his prostate was brushed almost delicately.

He only lasted a few more minutes, and then Sebastian added a second finger and  _pushed_  into him, and John was gone, unable to hold on any longer. He shook and shuddered and sobbed as he came, every muscle tensing and seizing before he went limp, swaying a little as he just barely stayed seated on Seb’s lap.

John came rather violently and Sebastian bit his lip at the sight, it couldn’t have been any more perfect and he held him steady as John came over his stomach. When he saw John visibly relax he very carefully tilted him and pulled him up so he was lying on his side next to Sebastian and he hushed him quietly.  
He wrapped one arm around his shoulders before cupping his face and pressing a tender kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

"you done so well baby." They both knew that either way John was going to end up making a mess, they both knew there was no way he could have held back.   
He felt John starting to relax completely next to him and he nudged him gently. 

"Ah ah, I said you would have to clean me up. Clean me up then you can sleep, there’s a good boy." He pressed a kiss to John’s forehead, 

"I love you baby." 

John whined softly, just wanting to fall asleep. He groaned and pushed himself up, nuzzling against Seb’s side before he stared licking and slurping up his cum, cleaning up Sebastian with occasional nips and bites. 

When Seb was all clean, John dropped back down onto his side with a huff, curling up against his daddy and burying his face in his side. “I love you, Daddy,” he murmured, his voice muffled from where he was. He didn’t care, though, too tired to really give it much thought. 

With another soft hum, John fell quickly into sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

Sebastian woke up first, he usually did but this was different for the first time in his life he was actually looking forward to Christmas Day. Especially spending it with John, he might even stretch to watching an awful Christmas movie. He shifted slightly, dislodging John from the grip he had on Sebastian and starting to kiss him awake. 

"Come on baby, wake up." He kissed him softly again on the mouth and over his cheek and jaw, 

"Come on gorgeous." He knew flattery would get him everywhere and he smiled as he eventually saw John’s eyes start to open, he moved forward to kiss him again, this time flicking his tongue against John’s bottom lip.   
He smiled again when he pulled back and forced himself out of bed, pulling on a thick dressing gown to cover his nakedness from the chill before looking back to John. 

"I’m going to make tea and I want you up and in the kitchen before the kettles boiled." He gave him another smile before walking into the kitchen. Trying desperately not to go straight to the tree and practically force John to open his gifts. 

John had told him not to spoil him but he couldn’t stop himself, John only thought he had five or so presents but through the night Sebastian had put the rest under the tree and now there must have been about 20 or so. He put the kettle on and grabbed two mugs, hoping John would like everything and he turned around with a smile on his face when he heard soft footsteps behind him. 

John was still yawning as he walked into the kitchen, having only just managed to pull on a pair of pants and one of Sebastian’s shirts, which hung a bit loose on him. “Morning,” he murmured, rubbing his eyes and leaning against the counter, wishing that there was tea in a mug for him to drink. 

Seeing as there wasn’t, he pulled out some fruit for breakfast, eating himself an apple as he leant back against the counter. “Merry Christmas,” he said, smiling over at Seb as he started to wake up a little more.

His present count for Seb wasn’t very high, but that was fine. He knew that Sebastian preferred spoiling John over receiving presents of his own. There were seven presents from John to Seb, and he hoped that they were all enjoyed.

"Did you put any candy in my stocking?" he teased, nudging Seb’s side with his elbow. "I hope you didn’t buy any crackers, because I hate the bloody things."

"Merry Christmas baby." He turned from John as the kettle boiled and set about making their tea, handing John his with a quick kiss before walking over to the living room. 

"Don’t worry there’s no crackers." he laughed lightly and waited for John to join him. He had two options, he could either say they could open their things together or he could make John wait until Sebastian had opened his. Just to get him that tiny bit more excited since he would be able to see them but not touch them. 

He smiled at himself and placed his mug down on the coffee table and waited for John to walk over and look under the tree. It had certainly took some doing, untangling himself from John in the middle of the night but he hoped it was worth it, he loved spoiling John and wished he could give him the world. 

John walked into the living room with his mug in hand and a biscuit in the other. He stopped short when he saw the massive stack of presents that now took over the empty space beneath the tree.

“Seb…” he trailed off, looking over to Sebastian and then back at the presents. “I told you not to spoil me,” he mumbled, blushing as he ducked his head and walked over to the sofa.

He wasn’t angry at Seb for going overboard, nor was he surprised. He was just worried that he would get used to this ridiculous amount of attention and that it would get to his head.

Sighing, he set his mug down and turned to face Seb. “Alright, how are we doing this?” he asked, nodding to the pile. “You go, I go? Or at the same time?”

Sebastian relished in the blush that covered John’s cheeks and gave him a smile, 

"I love to spoil you baby, you really gonna deny me one of my favourite things?" He gave him a grin before pretending to ponder for a few moments. 

"hmm I think I should go first, let you drink your tea." He gave John a sweet smile, he knew he would be making him wait on purpose and he watched, rather excitedly he would have to admit, as John gathered his presents and brought them over to him. 

He grabbed the front of the shirt John had on and pulled him down into a kiss before letting him go and picking up one of the presents and starting to unwrap it carefully. 

John sat down and picked up his tea, watching as Sebastian opened first the box with the knife, on which John had had  _'Tiger'_  engraved on the blade. Then came the bespoke suit, which was black with a blue shirt and a striped grey tie. A gun had followed, a Smith & Wesson model SD9 VE. And then came the more complicated presents.

"That’s just my promise to buy you a tattoo," he said, chewing his lip. "Or for you to pick out one for me." He smiled softly, looking down.

Then, “I figured that you might like an evening out sometime. Maybe we can get me a suit and you can parade me around,” he said to the gift card to the expensive restaurant across town.

And after that, he was a blushing mess. “That’s just, you know… I know that sometimes you like to bottom, and so I thought… instead of having to ask or tell me to, you could just, give me that card and I’ll know, and then I’ll know to take care of you,” he said, fully red by the time he was finished talking.

He stole the last box away from Sebastian. “No. These are last. I won’t argue about it. You can’t open this ‘til I’m done with my presents.”

Sebastian didn’t think he has ever been this spoiled and he didn’t really know what to say, he couldn’t remember anyone wanting to treat him like this and he had a constant smile plastered on his face and the occasional gasp left his mouth. When John eventually snatched away the last present, red faced and more the embarrassed, Sebastian surged forward and practically tackled him until he was flat on the floor, pinning him down and kissing him until they were both breathless. 

"They were perfect, you’re perfect, fuck I love you baby." He smiled widely again before stealing another kiss, slowing this one down this time and pouring everything he had into it. When he eventually pulled back he took a very long calming drink of his now cooled tea and nodded toward the tree. 

"Your turn now baby. And you see that one wrapped in red, open that one second last, the smaller red one last." He smiled at John, urging him forward to start opening his presents. 

There were a few clothes, designer jeans he knew John loved and some cashmere jumpers along with some t-shirts. Some original vinyls of John’s favourite artists, one of them even signed and a brand new record player to go with them. A first edition Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy book which took him longer than he cared to admit to find but John had mentioned it was his favourite book so it was more than worth it. 

Then there was the custom gun, perfect to every detail John had ever mentioned wanting in a gun, and it was in its own handmade case engraved with John’s initials. Of course a few items of the best lingerie he could find, all of it things he knew John would love and more than enough toys to go with them. 

Eventually John reached the second last box and he waited with bated breath for John’s reaction. He has found the best leather maker in the area and got a custom made collar. The best black leather money could buy, trimmed with red, a silver loop at the front and a padded buckle at the back so if would fit him perfectly and comfortably. 

The smaller present was to go with it, he had managed to get copies made of both of their dog tags and he had them merged into one. So one side was John’s and the other side was his, it was made to clip onto the loop along with the leather leash in the box that went with the collar if they wished to use it.   
He sat and chewed his lip as John started to pull the paper away from the box. 

John slowly opened the box, almost anxious to look inside. He gasped, pulling out the collar with light fingers, afraid to touch the soft, supple material.

He ran his thumb over it, his eyes glassing over with tears as he stared at it, taking in the smooth simplicity of it, the red trim setting it off perfectly. There was a leash in the box as well, and it perfectly matched the collar.

Knowing that the last present had to have something to do with the first; he quickly grabbed the much smaller box and opened it up, looking down at the piece of metal and instantly recognising it for what it was.

"Oh, Seb," he whispered, clipping on the dog tag and slowly moving so that he could hand Sebastian the collar. "Would you… can you put it on me?" he asked, feeling about ready to burst with tears of happiness.

As soon as Seb had placed the collar around his neck, John turned around and hugged him tight, burying his face in Sebastian’s neck. He felt loved, owned and safe. The collar was proof that he belonged to Seb and that Seb planned on keeping it that way.

Sebastian felt his heart swell at John’s reaction, he buckled the collar on carefully, making sure it fit perfectly and he wrapped his arms tightly around John. 

"I love you baby, I love you so much." He pulled John so that he was completely sitting on Sebastian’s lap but not once breaking the hug and he kissed John’s neck lightly, just above the collar. 

"It looks amazing on you, you look gorgeous." He kept one arm tightly wrapped around John and brought the other up to stroke through John’s hair and he laughed quietly, 

"I also have a feeling you’re hardly ever going to take that off now." He smiled to himself, beyond happy that John loved it, that it meant so much to him and he told himself he wouldn’t well up. He blinked away the moisture in his eyes and pushed John back slightly so he could look at him. He took in every inch of John’s face before leaning forward and kissing his way along John’s jaw, eventually stopping at his lips and kissing them chastely. 

He kept his hand moving through John’s hair and simply couldn’t stop smiling. He knew he had his last present to open but he also wanted to settle down in the living room and he reluctantly moved John off him, 

"Give me five minutes baby." He picked up their mugs and went to the kitchen and set about making hot chocolate, while he was waiting for the water to boil he went into the spare room and grabbed all of the blanket plus the quilt and pillows before going to dump them on the sofa. 

He turned the TV on to some music channel thankfully playing the old decent Christmas songs and he went to finish making the hot chocolate and bringing it back through to find John already wrapped in the quilt with Sebastian’s last present in his hand.   
He sat down next to him, wrapping a blanket around himself and leaning against John’s side, taking the present from him with a kiss and opening it slowly. 

John loved it when Sebastian did this, when he took all the blankets and pillows and stuffed them on the couch, wrapping the two of them up. The music was a nice touch, but he was happier when Sebastian sat down next to him. 

John curled up against Sebastian’s side, the collar a comforting weight on his neck, the tag tinkling a little with his movements. He watched the paper get pulled off of the little box, watched Seb pull out the small jewelry box inside, and then crack open the lid. 

The rings were gold, with a silver band in the middle that was carved with an intricate design. One was Sebastian’s size, and one was John’s. 

"I didn’t want to wait," he said softly, "so I went out and got them. We can’t wear them yet, obviously, but… I mean, if you like them," he said softly, leaning back to look up at Sebastian.

His breath caught as he opened the box, the rings were more than perfect and he needed to take a moment before he could even react. He was completely overwhelmed and he heard John starting to ramble slightly and he noticed he hadn’t said a word.   
He turned to John and his brain took a moment to form words and he still didn’t quite know how to respond, 

"I don’t know what to say." He ran his fingertips over the bands and looked back to John, 

"Fuck, they are beyond perfect baby. I love them, I love you." He placed the box down on the table carefully and cupped John’s face with both hands; his touch light and he pressed a gentle kiss to his lips then his forehead.  

"Perfect." He pressed another kiss to John’s forehead and pulled him back into his lap, mostly a big bundle of quilt at the moment and he smiled before passing him his chocolate before grabbing his own.   
Every so often he would kiss John, on the lips or the cheek as he hummed along to some of the songs, sometimes singing without realizing it. 

Sebastian could have quite happily sat there forever. 

John was so warm and content, sitting on Seb’s lap, surrounded by his smell on the quilt, sipping his chocolate, that he soon found himself dozing off. 

He was beyond relieved that Sebastian liked the rings and that he hadn’t taken offense at John getting them on his own. He was happy that they were good enough, happy that Sebastian was there with him again, and all of that happiness transcended into pleasant dreams.

When he woke up, only a short time had passed - maybe a couple hours at most - and they were now lying down on the sofa, John in the back, bundled up between Sebastian and the cushions. He hummed, rolling onto his back and turning to look at Seb, who was wide awake and just watching him.

"Hello, stranger," he teased, leaning in for a soft kiss. "How are you?"

Sebastian watched as John woke up slowly and turned to face him, he kissed him back just as soft before leaning back to look at him again. 

"Better now you’re awake." He smiled softly and stroked his fingertips over John’s cheek before moving down to touch the collar, 

"Was that comfortable enough to sleep in baby?" He kept his fingertips moving over the soft leather before letting them trail over the skin of his neck.   
He leaned down and kissed John again, this time gently pushing his tongue between John’s lips and tasting him slowly. 

John hummed into the touch, parting his lips and inviting Sebastian in further. He set his hand on Seb’s waist, his thumb stroking gently through the material of the robe.

He leant back with a smile, licking his lips almost greedily. “It feels really good to be wearing it,” he said, reaching up to touch it himself. “Not uncomfortable at all.”

"Good, that’s good." His voice was quiet, still rather disbelieving at how perfect the morning had been. He was actually nervous about John opening his gifts but it was apparent now that he couldn’t have done better and he smiled again, sighing as John stroked his side. 

"I got another present for you too, but it will have to wait a couple days if you can deal with waiting that long." He gave John a broad smile before leaning down and kissing him again, slightly harder than before and he couldn’t resist putting his finger through the loop on the front of the collar and tugging slightly. 

John was about to ask what could be so special that it had been put off for after Christmas, but Sebastian’s insistent lips were a very very good distraction. 

He moaned softly, tipping his head to get a better angle on the kiss. The tugging on the collar made it better, made him more secure. He only pulled back for a breath, nipping at Sebastian’s lower lip as he gathered air into his lungs.

"Will you make love to me again, Daddy?" he asked softly, looking up at Seb through his eyelashes. They’d only done it once, and he remembered it being in a setting much like this one, with pillows and blankets and a thin haze of love shrouding them both.

"Of course baby." He kissed him softly again before shifting ever so slightly, he may or may not have had the foresight to put the lube in the pocket of his robe anticipating something at least.

He took it out and moved the blanket from John and slowly pulled off his clothes, leaving him in just the collar and he sighed deeply at the sight. John was already half hard and he was sprawled on the sofa beneath Sebastian, the collar in stark contrast against his skin. 

"Exceptional." He placed the lube on the arm of the sofa for the time being and started touching every part of John’s skin, stroking up his thighs, letting his fingertips drag over his stomach and caressing his chest. He let his thumbs gently rub over his nipples before he started following his hands with his mouth. 

Moving over John and kissing, licking and nipping his skin. Eventually moving up and running his tongue up John’s neck and nipping at his jaw before kissing him thoroughly and deeply.   
When they needed to part from breath he moved back and tugged off his own robe, letting it fall to the floor and pressing his erection to John’s side when he reached for the lube. He nudged his hand against John’s thigh and his legs parted readily. 

"My good boy, gorgeous." He slicked up his fingers and pressed one against John’s entrance, circling and teasing before pressing in slowly and massaging against John’s prostate. 

John gasped and sighed as Sebastian touched him, worshipped him. John closed his eyes and arched into the touches, moaning softly when Seb touched him just right. 

A soft gasp escaped his lips when Seb penetrated him and started rubbing his prostate, and John whimpered at the delicate pressure over the bundle of nerves.

"Daddy," he whispered, biting his lip and moaning as he rocked down on the finger, already wanting more, but he was also more than willing to let Seb take his time.

He fingered him slowly, making sure he was already starting to squirm before adding another finger. Sebastian scissored him open, keeping the pace slow, as he dipped his head and started to kiss John’s neck. He would occasionally nip at the soft skin above the collar but mostly kept it to presses of his lips. 

Between the kisses he would murmur sweet nothings and compliments against John’s skin, the words merging with the small moans and gasps coming from John.   
He moved his way up John’s neck and jaw to kiss him deeply once more as he added a third finger, going back to gently massaging John’s prostate, every noise coming from John making his cock twitch. 

He pulled back and watched John intently and he continued to prepare him, the pace almost tortuously slow now. 

"I don’t think I can ever tell you enough how beautiful you are." 

John smiled up at Sebastian, only managing to stay composed for a moment before a small moan rose from the back of his throat, and his eyes shuddered closed, his hips bucking up. 

"Daddy," he whispered, almost begging. He licked his lips, wetting them since they had gone dry from his panting. "Please?"

He opened his eyes again, circling his hips and lifting them up, showing off his body in long lines and soft sighs. “I want you in me, Daddy,” he murmured, reaching up to run his fingers over Sebastian’s shoulders, tickling his neck and then running his palms down his chest. 

Sebastian moaned at the sight of John’s bucking up his hips and slowly pulled out his fingers, not before rubbing over John’s prostate again and circling his entrance with teasing fingertips. 

He parted John’s legs further and settled between them after slicking up his own length, pulling up John’s thigh so his leg wrapped around his waist. He leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to John’s lips and murmured against John’s mouth. 

"I love you so much baby." he lined up and unhurriedly started to push forward, sinking into John and groaning loudly. He gripped John’s thigh and slipped his other arm under John’s back so he was arching into Sebastian.   
He paused when he was fully seated and looked down at John; his eyes filled with nothing but adoration as he pulled back out and started to thrust into John slowly. 

"Fuck baby, I love you." 

"Oh," John gasped softly, holding tightly to Sebastian with his calf and thigh. "Fuck, Daddy," he moaned, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck and holding him tightly. "I love you too. So, so much, Daddy," he whispered.

When Sebastian moved slowly, John felt like he could shatter, like he was so breakable and precious that any quick movement would make him fall apart. He felt loved, possessed, taken over by everything that was Sebastian, his lover, his fiancé, his world.

He rubbed his heel over Seb’s lower back, pulling him closer with each thrust, feeling him push in as deep as possible. He moaned and writhed and whimpered with each thrust, his grip on Seb tightening.

Sebastian held John, kept him grounded as he thrust into him, rolling his hips and tightening his grip on John’s thigh. 

"I got you baby, my gorgeous boy." Each word was punctuated with a sigh or a moan, unable to stop the noises spilling from his lips at the sheer intensity of it, emotions running high for both of them as they moved together on the sofa in a mess of blankets and heated skin. 

He moved down again, and rested his forehead on John’s for a moment, their breaths mingling, before surging forward and kissing him fervently. Thoroughly tasting him as the sound of muffled moans and gasps filled the room. 

John broke away from the kiss to gasp in a breath, crying out softly as Sebastian brushed his prostate. John’s trapped cock between them was weeping, a pool of pre-cum gathering around it and trickling down his side.

He was trembling, on the verge. “Daddy please,” he whispered, mouthing over Sebastian’s jaw and nipping at his chin. “Please, I want your cum so bad.” He rocked his hips, matching Sebastian’s thrusts perfectly.

He could lose his mind like this, could easily fall apart in Sebastian’s grip, and he would let it happen. He trusted Sebastian so thoroughly that he would give himself over for just about anything.

He felt John start to tremble beneath him and felt the give in his own legs and the tell-tale build of warmth in his gut and he continued to move, the pace still slow but slightly less rhythmic, the only thing suggesting he was so very close to the edge.   
He dipped his head down and kissed just above the collar as he could feel the build coming to a crescendo,

"Love you." His voice was strained now and almost raw with the need to climax and the sheer heaviness of the emotion between them.  
Sebastian dropped his head against John’s should and he gave a particularly hard thrust forward and he was filling John with a deep rumbling groan, curses and John’s name repeatedly tumbling from his lips.

John moaned, his head falling back and his muscles seizing as he came, Sebastian’s orgasm pushing his own from him. He shook and trembled and mumbled how much he loved Sebastian as he slowly came down.

"Thank you, Daddy," he whispered, going limp on the sofa, his leg falling off of Seb’s back. He kept him close, though, not willing to let him go, wanting to keep feeling his heat and his weight over the top of him. 

"Stay?" he whispered, his voice lilting into a question because he didn’t want to order Seb around. "Just… stay." He wanted to keep feeling Sebastian inside of him, didn’t want him to pull out yet.

"Of course baby, of course." He moved slightly and kissed John’s forehead before stroking the now slightly damp strands of hair.   
Now that their slightly damp skin was starting to cool Sebastian managed to grab one of the blankets and pull it over the both of them, staving off the chill as he remained settled between John’s legs. 

He leaned most of his weight on one arm as he dropped his head back to John’s shoulder and closed his eyes. Breathing him in and listening to John’s own breaths, his other hand starting to trace patterns over John’s side.

It was a few moments later when Sebastian shuddered, his softened cock slipping out of John and he let his fingertips trail down to John’s stomach. Dipping them in John’s own release he shifted his hips slightly so he could lie further down and to the side slightly, letting his hand go between John’s legs. 

Sebastian stroked over John’s entrance, and hummed as two cum slicked fingers slid easily into John and he started to press kisses to John’s chest as he essentially lay and played with John who was completely pliant beneath him.

"I love you baby, you’re so beautiful like this, such a gorgeous mess."

John hummed, too spent to do much else as Seb started playing with him again. He didn’t mind. He could let Sebastian do whatever he wanted with him forever, and he wouldn’t care at all. 

"I love you too, Daddy," he whispered, turning his head to nuzzle into Sebastian’s neck, licking over his skin. Each time he shifted, the tag on his collar tinkled, and he smiled because of it. He loved that he was so thoroughly marked as Seb’s, and he wondered if he would be allowed to wear it outside of the flat.

After a moment, John leant back and looked up at his fiancé, smiling at him as he traced his fingers up his neck and along his jaw. “When’s the next time we have to go to work?” he asked softly, knowing that their perfect Christmas couldn’t last forever. Even if John still had another present waiting for him in a couple days, it would be a miracle if they could stay home long after that.

Sebastian didn’t stop his fingers as he spoke, occasionally withdrawing them and spreading the mess over John’s perineum before pressing back in.

"The 29th baby. You get your extra present, your treat on the 27th and we unfortunately have to work soon after that." The network was now theirs, mostly operating in foreign countries now and even Sherlock had chosen to overlook most of it. Thought sometimes they purposefully sent interesting ‘cases’ his way. It was certainly an interesting dynamic.

"You looking forward to your treat baby?" He pressed in another finger with the first two and kept them moving, conversing as if he wasn’t even touching John. He pressed a kiss to John’s jaw and smiled at him.

"I want you on your best behaviour though, okay? I’m not going to tell you any more though, don’t want to spoil it."

John nodded, squirming a little as the third finger was added and they accidentally brushed over his sensitive prostate. The 29th. He could do that. Gave them four days to get ready for it, four days to relax. It would be a nice break, just the two of them, and John was certain to make the most of it.

"I’m always on my best behaviour, Daddy," he said softly, turning to look at Seb. "I’m always your good little boy, right?" he murmured, reaching up to run his fingers over Sebastian’s arm, stroking the inner crook of his elbow with his thumb.

"You are love, you are." He smiled softly at John, humming as he felt fingertips on his own skin before leaning forward and kissing him gently.

"It’s an easy job, but we have to go to Stuttgart for it. I suppose we could think of it as a Christmas get away." He laughed quietly and kissed John again, his eyes closing as he did and he sighed quietly. 

He was still rather lewdly playing with John, as he continued to lie spent next to him but he told himself he could have a few more minutes, it was Christmas after all and John certainly wasn’t complaining. He started to pepper John’s lips, jaw and neck with kisses as he working a fourth finger into John’s leaking hole, he would stop in a moment but he just couldn’t refuse this.

"There’s my good boy."

John almost whimpered at the addition of the fourth finger, but he was distracted enough by Sebastian’s kisses and the description of the job that he caught himself. He wanted to keep his composure.

"What’s…" He swallowed, trying again. "What’s the job about?" he asked, closing his eyes and licking his lips. If he was a teenager, he would probably be hard again, but he was too old for it to happen so quickly now. It was hard not to focus on the way he was being stretched by Sebastian, hard to ignore the fact that he  _wanted_  more, wanted to be stretched all the way and fucked roughly afterwards.

He did whimper at that, again caught in his desire to be stuffed full of two cocks. He buried his face in Sebastian’s shoulder, nosing his way toward his collarbone so that he could lick and mouth over it.

"It’s a simple job." Sebastian bit back a smirk as John moved his mouth to Sebastian’s collarbone.

"A dealing with a cartel in Germany went sour and it’s down to a rat that we traced to Stuttgart and the rat needs to be put down." He started twisting his finger, pushing them in all the way to the knuckle before pulling them out slowly. 

John nodded as Sebastian explained, understanding why they had to go, but at the same time, not really understanding why  _he_  had to go. Not that he was going to complain, it just sounded to him like an easy in and out job for Seb.

Sebastian could be nice and leave it there but he decided that he was definitely going to make the most of Christmas and he forced himself to get up off the sofa, kissing John as he did so and ignoring the slightly put out look on his face.

"I’m going to be one second baby." Sebastian quickly looked rough the pile of John’s presents and picked up the black plug, laying back down next to him and pulling the blanket over himself again.   
He parted John’s legs once more and used the tip of the plug to gather up any mess around John’s entrance before starting to work it in slowly. As soon as it was in he moved his hand and kissed John softly.

"I love you baby, such a good boy for me."

He whined when Sebastian left him, gaping and leaking and empty, but his excitement picked up again when Seb returned with the black plug. He flushed immensely when he realised that Seb was pushing all of his cum back inside of John, and he gasped a bit at the sheer size of the plug. 

"Fuck, Daddy, it’s big," he whimpered, rolling onto his side and sucking in a sharp breath as he buried his face in Seb’s chest. It was easily the biggest plug that they now had, and it almost hurt. It was definitely stimulating, seeing as it was large enough to rub completely against his prostate.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around John and kissed the top of his head, 

"Shh, it’s okay baby." He lay there, stroking John’s back and letting him get used to the sensation of fullness and occasionally kissing his hair. 

"I’m going to make us another drink and put a movie on okay?" He moved back and kissed John once more before getting off the sofa and pulling his robe on, covering John with the blanket and going into the kitchen.   
He made hot chocolate again but this time pouring a generous amount of Baileys in it before rummaging around in the drawers and pulling out a packet of cigarettes that he definitely shouldn’t have but it was Christmas after all. 

Sebastian took over the hot chocolates on a tray along with the fags. Sitting back down next to John and stroking his hair for a moment. He picked up the remote and put a film on the TV before coaxing John to sit up and lighting up a fag after sipping his hot chocolate and humming loudly at the taste. 

John whimpered as he was pulled gently up, the plug a bit uncomfortable inside of him no matter how he was positioned. He took his hot chocolate and sipped on it, glad that there was some spirit in there this time.

"I thought you quit those," he accused, staring pointedly at the cigarettes, mainly the one that Sebastian was currently smoking. "Seb, you were d-doing so well," he said, his voice jumping a bit in the middle of his speech because he had shifted his weight and moved the plug.

He knew better than to complain about that. Inside the flat, unless John safeworded out, Sebastian could do what he wanted to him. Didn’t have to ask, didn’t have to cuddle him afterwards. But John knew that Sebastian would always do those things, unless he was being punished.

But the cigarettes… he could complain about those as much as he wanted.

"It’s Christmas." He gave John a grin, telling him that he wouldn’t budge when it came to that excuse today and the chances are he would be using it more than once.   
He smoked the cigarette slowly, savouring it, indulging before he stubbed it out in the dish he had also brought over and took a long sip of his hot chocolate and humming. 

He kept the mug held in one hand and wrapped his free arm around John’s shoulders, trying not to move him too much but pulling him slightly closer. 

"I love you" He pressed a kiss to John’s temple before leaning back and settling properly into the sofa, getting comfortable before kissing John’s temple again.

"You alright baby?" 

John rolled his eyes and leaned in as close to Sebastian as he could get. “Yeah, I’m alright,” he murmured, turning his head to nuzzle into Seb’s shoulder. “It’s just really big,” he mumbled, closing his eyes.

He didn’t like to complain, didn’t like to say that he couldn’t handle something, but the plug wasn’t moving, couldn’t vibrate, and was just keeping him spread really ridiculously wide for no reason that he could think of.

"Can you take it out, Daddy?" he asked, his voice hushed and shy and embarrassed. "Please? I can’t relax."

Sebastian smiled to himself before kissing the top of John’s head, 

"If you’re sure baby." He bit back another smile when he started thinking about John’s reaction to his other ‘present’ in a couple of days and he shifted slightly so he was facing more toward John.   
He moved forward to press a kiss against his lips before taking his hot chocolate and taking a sip. 

"I’m sure you can wait until you have finished your drink though. Then we can get you to the bathroom and clean you up hmm?" He said it softly but still carried the tone that let John know it wasn’t really a choice, but of course Sebastian didn’t worry, he knew John wouldn’t be scared to use his safe word.   
He went back to drinking his own chocolate and humming every so often at the sweet taste of the Baileys as he kept John next to him. 

John blinked, but he nodded, lifting his hot chocolate to his lips again and sipping on it. The plug wasn’t killing him, and it wasn’t painful, so of course he could wait a little longer for his daddy.

He hummed softly as the warmth of the drink slid down his throat, the Bailey’s leaving a small after burn that made him close his eyes and smile. “This is really good,” he whispered, never having had this before. He took another drink, then another, before he turned and gently guided Sebastian’s lips to his own.

"Thank you for the presents, Daddy," he whispered, kissing Seb again and blushing a bit as he remembered the sheer amount that Seb had given him. It was ridiculous, to be sure.

Sebastian kissed him back slowly, both of their lips sweet from the chocolate and he sighed quietly before moving back and smiling. 

"Anything for my baby. I would have got you more but I know you don’t really like to be spoiled so I tried to stop myself." He laughed quietly and brought up a hand to stroke through John’s hair. His other holding the last of his chocolate. 

"Your presents were beyond amazing too, you spoiled me." He laughed again and pressed another kiss to John’s lips, 

"Come on drink up baby, we will get you cleaned up and think about what I’m doing for dinner." 

John hummed and quickly finished off the rest of his hot chocolate, setting his mug aside when he was done. “I could make something if you don’t want to,” he offered, waiting for Seb to rise first before John followed suite, wincing as he stood up and the plug readjusted.

He looked up at Sebastian with soft eyes, reaching out to take his hand and kiss his knuckles. He knew that Seb felt good when he was taking care of John, and John felt good knowing that that made Sebastian happy and comfortable. But he also knew that he wanted and needed to remind his daddy at every available moment that John loved him.

Sebastian led the way to the bathroom and John followed, still holding steady to Seb’s hand, limping as he moved. He felt blood rushing south as each movement caused the plug to rub his prostate, and he couldn’t stifle a small moan as he leant back against the bathroom sink, waiting for Sebastian to turn on the shower.

Sebastian couldn’t hold back his smirk when he heard the quiet moan from John and he turned the shower on and holding out his hand for John to come over.

"Come on then." He gave John a soft smile, moving him under the spray of the shower and stroking his fingertips over the collar still around John’s neck, which would probably be there constantly now.   
He pulled John to him, pressing them together and letting John’s forehead rest on his shoulder as his hand moved slowly down his back and stroked over his arse gently before moving to the base of the plug.

He kissed the top of John’s head and wrapped his other arm around his shoulders, keeping them pressed together as he gently started to remove the plug.

"There we are baby, such a good boy." Once it was fully removed he let it drop to the shower floor for now as he started to clean John. He moved back and lathered up his own hands and started running them over John’s body.

John gasped once the plug was removed; groaning because he now felt so empty that he almost wished the plug was back in him. 

He closed his eyes, though, leaning into the touches that Seb ran over his body, cleaning him up from their mess earlier. He gasped again when Seb’s fingers trailed down to his hole, and he whimpered and squirmed a bit to try and get away from the touch.

"Hurts," he murmured, burying his face in Seb’s shoulder and setting his hands on his daddy’s hips. When John was clean, he leaned away and grabbed the shower gel, starting to clean Sebastian off as well. His movements were slow, and often times he found his thumbs skimming over Sebastian’s skin instead of cleaning him. He lost himself in thought, thinking about everything from the waterproof stain that must be on his collar down to the wedding that they were supposed to be planning.

He sighed, a bit overwhelmed, and rested his forehead on Seb’s chest, just focusing on breathing and touching for a moment.

Sebastian watched as John became more than pensive as John worked the suds over him. He let John get lost in his own world for a small while, knowing that sometimes it was needed, that sometimes John needed time to process things.   
When john dropped his head forward and rested it against his chest he brought his hand up and massaged gently at the back of John’s neck.

"It’s alright baby, I got you." He wrapped his other arm around John’s waist and let John lean against him, keeping up the soft massaging movements over his neck.

"We’re gonna get dried off, you’re going to take some painkillers and I’m going to make you a cup of tea." Sebastian pushed John back slightly; moving his hand from the back of his neck and tilting his chin up making John meet his eyes.

"Then, you’re going to lie on the sofa wrapped in blankets watching crap TV while I make us dinner drinking your tea. It’s also non-negotiable, you gonna be a good boy and do that for me?"

John nodded, looking up at Sebastian, who had always had the largest amount of trust in him. “I can do that, Daddy,” he murmured, turning his head to nuzzle against Sebastian’s palm for a moment before he shut off the water and stepped out of the shower.

John did as Sebastian had told him to do, drying off and grabbing a clean robe to wrap around himself. He took some painkillers and then walked out into the living room, wrapping himself in a blanket before he sat down, leaning a bit on his hip to keep pressure off his arse.

Grabbing the remote, John turned on some programme that he didn’t really care about, but he watched it anyways, leaning against the armrest with his blanket and robe wrapped tightly around him.

Sebastian followed him out of the shower and dried off himself, detouring into the bedroom to pull on a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before heading into the kitchen. He looked over to make sure John was comfortable enough on the sofa and he set about making John a cup of tea, coffee for himself.

As soon as the hot drinks were made he left his in the kitchen to drink while he set about cooking, taking John’s over and pressing a kiss to John’s forehead as he did so.

"I shouldn’t be too long with the food baby, shout if you need anything." He gave him a soft smile before picking up the cigarettes and dish acting as an ashtray, taking them through to the kitchen and he started cooking their dinner.

John smiled after Sebastian as he walked away, then wrapped his hands around his tea and slowly sipped it. This was a good way to end Christmas, he decided. A hot drink, dinner, and then sleeping beside his fiancé for the rest of the night. It seemed pretty normal, except he knew that it wasn’t. This was Sebastian’s first real Christmas, and John was glad that he was there for it.

When his tea was gone, John started to doze a little, his head resting on his hand. He was warm and comfortable and content, and the only thing missing was his daddy beside him, but that would happen soon enough.

Sebastian enjoyed being in the kitchen, cooking relaxed him and he ended up having a cup of tea after his coffee and smoking a couple of cigarettes while he was waiting for the food to cook.

Once he was finished he put both of their meals on trays along with the cutlery, they could have ate at the table but he wanted John to be comfortable and he carried their food over to find John asleep on the sofa. He smiled and put the trays on the coffee table before moving forward and kneeling down in front of John.

"Baby ~." He placed a hand on John’s shoulder and shook gently,

"Come on, dinners ready."

John parted his eyelids and found Sebastian at his level, smiling at him and beckoning him to wake. “Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, closing his eyes again for a moment and humming as he slowly woke up.

When he opened his eyes, Sebastian had moved and was sitting beside him instead. John smiled, reaching for his plate and holding it possessively by his chest so that he could eat. He moaned and how good it tasted, his eyelids fluttering shut again because it tasted so amazing.

"I’m glad you cooked," he said softly, glancing at Sebastian. "This is really good."

Sebastian smiled at John as he started eating; making sure was enjoying it before picking up his own tray.

"I’m glad." He gave John another smile and started to eat his own dinner, humming quietly at the taste. It wouldn’t have been Christmas without a proper dinner, of course he would have done more but there was of course only the two of them and it would have been a waste.   
But the dinner was just topping off a perfect day,

"We going to have this then watch some TV in bed? Well I’m assuming you might want to sleep." He laughed quietly before going back to his dinner.

~

Once they had both finished Sebastian had sent John off to bed and he tidied the living room and kitchen before going into the room himself. He stripped off and climbed into bed next to John, pulling him close and letting John lie on his chest.

"I love you baby."

When they were both lying down, and John was snuggled up to Seb, he let his eyes drift shut again, the only sounds available to him being the TV in the background and Sebastian’s steady heartbeat in his ear.

"I love you so much, Daddy," he whispered, letting his fingers trace a dip in Sebastian’s ribs as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are still enjoying come and find us on tumblr as mormortrash and mxrmor, comments and kudos mean the world :)


	33. Chapter 33

John woke up two days later to an empty bed. Not concerned in the least, he stretched and stood up, touching the leather of the collar - which he had yet to take off - and playing with the tag as he walked from the room and into the kitchen.

"Morning, Daddy," he yawned, reaching for the coffee pot and pouring himself a mug. He drank it black, needing an energy boost. He didn’t know what Sebastian was planning for the day, but he did know that Seb had been so excited about it last night that it had taken a lot of effort to get him to finally fall asleep.

Sebastian turned around as soon as he heard John walking into the kitchen and gave him a smile before sipping at his own coffee.

"Morning baby." He continued to smile as he walked over to John, he had already been talking to his friend this morning and it seemed that there was going to be a nice bonus.   
He gently cupped John’s cheek and kissed him lazily, moving his hand down and stroking over the collar.

"You going to be a good boy for daddy today hmm?" He relished the glint in John’s eye, hinting at his excitement and he gave John another quick kiss.

"It’s not until later but I need you to go in the shower when you have had your coffee and something to eat, preferably a bowl of cereal with some fruit and a glass of juice or water. Clean thoroughly, dry off then go into the bedroom. You got all of that baby?"

John leant into Sebastian, looking up at him with warm but tired eyes. He nodded, kissing Seb again and letting out a soft breath. “Yes, Daddy,” he murmured, stepping away so that he could drink his coffee and slowly wake up. 

When the hot caffeine was gone, John got the food out that Seb had suggested, eating it slowly, methodically, making sure that he ate all of what he had taken out.

When he was done, he stood and put his dishes away, then walked over to Seb and leant up for a long, soft kiss. “When I go to the bedroom, where do you want me?” he asked, wanting to do everything the way his daddy wanted.

Sebastian smiled as John done as he was told, eating his food and getting ready to go and shower.

"Just lie on the bed and wait for me okay love?" He kissed him again, he probably shouldn’t be this excited but he thought that it was mostly because he knew that this was something John wanted.   
He had just been too reserved to keep asking about it so Sebastian thought it would make for a great surprise and he was looking forward to John’s reaction.

As soon as he had went through to shower Sebastian picked up his phone and sent a few texts, a thorough shower for John would probably take about half an hour which was more than enough time. 

As soon as he heard the water running he went into the spare room and sorted out the bed and the things in it, thankfully John hadn’t noticed the fact he had moved most of the lube and toys into that room and he grinned to himself. As soon as he heard the shower shut off he went through to the bedroom to find John lying on the bed as he had asked,

"On your hands and knees love, just for a few moments." He picked up the lube he had left in the room and one of the small, slightly ornate plugs and set to working it gently into John and admiring the way it looked before checking the time.

"Stay here baby, I need to get something." He went out into the living room and closed the bedroom door behind him and went straight to the front door, greeting two of his old friends quietly, telling them to take of their shoes and quietly go into the living room.   
He went back into the bedroom with the leash for the collar and clipped it on before tugging it lightly.

"Come on then baby, you can walk or crawl, which would you prefer?"

John was a bundled mess of nerves by the time Sebastian came back inside the bedroom and clipped on the leash. He looked up at his daddy, who looked like he was getting ready to have Christmas all over again.

John was kind of tired of being on his hands and knees, and he really didn’t want to have to slow this down anymore by crawling, so he decided to stand up. “I’ll walk, Daddy,” he murmured a light blush on his cheeks as he dropped his restless hands to his sides.

John followed Seb into the living room with his eyes lowered a little bit, wanting to keep the surprised a surprise for as long as possible. It wasn’t until he heard a low, appreciative wolf whistle that he jerked his head up in surprise.

There were two strange men standing in the living room with their hands in their pockets and their eyes appraising John slowly. They were obviously both military from their stances, but even if that hadn’t given it away, then the dog tags hanging in front of their shirts would have.

John’s blush deepened and he looked down again, trying to keep the stupidly happy grin off his face.

Sebastian felt stupidly proud that they appreciated John that much and he found his hand moving to John’s hair and quickly running his fingers through it before tilting his chin up.   
Sebastian had already gone over the main rules with his friends, explaining John’s safe word with emphasis and they had both agreed. He used the hand that had tilted John’s chin up and made his look toward the two other men,

"Right baby, this is Dean and Cal but to you they go by sir or master unless stated otherwise. I have already told them your safe word and we’re gonna take good care of you right baby?" He smiled at the small nod he got from John and he tugged on the leash again, making him step closer to Dean and Cal.

"Go on then lads, want to give him a once over?" He watched as they licked their lips and moved over to John, their hands started to roam over skin, making a show of checking he was ‘suitable’ and that alone made Sebastian’s cock twitch in anticipation.   
Once they had both hummed and nodded in approval Sebastian grinned and tugged on the leash again, this time slightly firmer and walked john to the spare room before turning to the men with a smile on his face.

"So how do you want him first?"

John was openly staring at the other two men now that they were in the spare bedroom. He watched them undress, cataloguing past injuries and weaknesses as he studied their movements. He wouldn’t need that knowledge today, but it was a habit that he couldn’t get rid of.

More prominently, though, he saw their strength, their muscle, the way their eyes kept sliding over him.

John bit his lip and looked over at Sebastian instead, keeping his eyes on his daddy for a moment. He knew that it was a big step for Seb to be sharing him at all, and John appreciated it beyond belief.

It was Cal that stepped forward first, looking John over again before turning to Seb with hunger in his eyes. “On his hands and knees on the mattress, how about? We can get to know each other before trying anything too extreme.”

Any nervousness that John had still had instantly vanished at the soothing, low calm that was Cal’s voice. They weren’t going to devour him, then. Or at least, they had level heads on them. John was pleased at that, and he let out a breath, his shoulders losing their tension. 

He turned to Seb. “Do I listen to them like I listen to you, Daddy?” he asked, keeping his voice soft gentle, younger. 

Sebastian could have melted right then and there at the tone of John’s voice and it was if the room was suddenly thick with arousal.   
Sebastian flicked his eyes over to Cal then Dean and had to bite back a grin at how impressed they looked with Sebastian having John speaking to him like that.   
He turned back to John and pressed a kiss to his forehead, tightening his grip on the lead.

"Yeah you do baby, you listen to all of us like a good boy okay?" He leaned forward so he was talking right into John’s ear, his voice lowered but still loud enough for the others to hear,

"And if you don’t listen, you remember what happens to naughty boys?" He smiled at the blond before nodding to Cal and Dean as he tugged the lead, directing him toward the bed and letting him position himself. Both men moved forward and starting giving their full attention to John. This time just mapping out his body as Sebastian unclipped the leash and finally got himself completely undressed. 

Sebastian moved forward and kissed John’s back before stroking his hand down his spine and pressing against the smaller plug, shifting it slightly.   
Dean’s hand soon replaced his, moving the plug every so often in John so it would rub against his prostate and Sebastian pulled Cal forward, so they were kneeling in front of John and he gave John a lewd wink before pulling Cal to him and locking their lips together, kissing him deeply.

At the same time Dean had leaned down to start pressing kisses over John’s back and shoulders, not taking long before the kisses turned into long hot licks and light nips.

John moaned low in his throat, bowing his head down and arching his back. The pressure with the plug and that hot attention to his back soon had him hard, and he spread his legs wider with arousal.

He heard Dean chuckle behind him. “Eager little boy, are you?” he asked, placing his hand at the base of John’s spine so that he could start working out the plug from his arse.

John whined as the plug came free, and his fists clutched the sheets. “Yes, Sir,” he said softly, rocking back against him and feeling Dean’s hands move up his sides. He could practically feel him vibrating with the need to be inside of him, but he didn’t do it yet.

John lifted his head, looking up at Seb and Cal, licking his lips as he watched their cocks filling up. John hummed softly. “Master?” he asked, lifting his eyes to Cal and waiting for them to stop kissing. “Can I taste your cock, please?”

Sebastian pulled away a strange sense of pride at how good John was being, asking like that and watched as Cal moved in front of him.   
As John took him in his mouth Cal’s hand working its way into John’s hair, alternating between pulling slightly and petting it.   
Sebastian moved behind John, joining Dean and the sound of Cal’s praise filled the room, he had told them exactly what John liked and he was more than glad they had been listening. 

He couldn’t resist pulling Dean into a kiss too before reaching over to the side and grabbing a bottle of lube, taking Dean’s and his own fingers, slicking them up. 

They both moved forward, effectively trapping John’s hips between them as he continued to work at Cal’s cock, his moans filling the air and Sebastian rutted against John’s side before sliding his finger into John’s already slightly loosened hole.   
Dean followed suite, sliding a finger in next to Sebastian’s but taking up a different pace so the sensation would be entirely new to John and they both twitched with arousal at the whine it drew from John.

Sebastian pushed another finger in and twisted, crooking them so he brushed over John’s prostate, raising his other hand and dragging his nails down John’s side, leaving dark red marks in their wake.   
  
"He such a good little slut isn’t he?" Both men hummed in agreement and Sebastian withdrew his fingers and Dean replaced them with three of his own, starting to set up a proper rhythm thrusting them in and out of John.   
Sebastian moved from the bed and over to the side and picked up one of the rubber cock rings and moving back over to John, smearing the fluid from his already leaking cock over the glans before putting it on him then stroking his hands over John’s arse. 

"We’re going to take our time with you baby, you don’t get to cum until we say you can alright?" He gave John’s thigh a slap and stroked over the lovely red mark. 

John pulled off of Cal’s cock for a moment to look back at Seb, giving him a wide-eyed stare. At least with the cock ring on, John wouldn’t have to worry about having to concentrate on not cumming. “Alright, Daddy,” he murmured, turning his head back to lap at the tip of Cal’s cock, tasting the bitter pre-cum beading out.

He felt the number of fingers in him increase to four, and he moaned, dropping his head down and shuddering as his prostate was rubbed. The fingers suddenly pulled away, and John was left shuddering and gaping.

There was some shuffling and quiet murmurs behind John, and Cal got off the bed, but John stayed put, head ducked down, the perfect picture of obedience and submission.

When the bed dipped down beside him, John turned to look and found Dean lying on his back, smiling at him. “Come here,” Dean said, patting his thigh. 

John crawled over and moved to straddle Dean’s hips, looking down at him and bracing himself with hands on his chest. “Is this good, Sir?” he asked softly, lifting his hips up a bit when he felt Dean’s hand go behind him and grab his cock.

"Just sit yourself down, there, gorgeous," Dean rumbled, and John blushed, reaching back to grab Dean’s cock as well, guiding it to his hole and then slowly sinking down onto him.

Sebastian already desperately wanted to move behind John and work him open further, licking his lips as he watched john sink down on Deans cock, but there was no time limit on this and instead he decided he would give John a show. 

He moved behind John and pressed a soft kiss to his shoulder before moving to the side and pulling Cal on top of him and kissing him fiercely. He wrapped his legs around Cal’s waist and broke the kiss, looking directly at John as he whispered in Cal’s ear, loud enough for John to hear.

"I want you to fuck me." Sebastian moaned lewdly as he bucked his hips upwards and rutted against Cal who had already grabbed the lube, eager to take him. He knew he could be rough with Sebastian he already had been in the past and he flipped him over, bringing him to his hands and knees before starting to prepare him. 

Sebastian twisted around the best he could and looked at John, biting his lip and stifling a loud groan and Cal immediately pressed two fingers into him. He turned back so he was facing forward and managed to shift forward enough to lock lips with Dean. The kiss was sloppy and heated as Sebastian fucked back onto Cal’s fingers.

John’s breath caught in his throat as he watched, and a loud “Fuck!” was pulled from him as Dean suddenly bucked his hips up, shoving himself deeply into John.

He started moving then, lifting himself up and slowly lowering himself back down again, getting used to Dean’s cock, which was longer than Seb’s but not as thick. He bit his lip and stifled a small whine, setting Dean’s hands on his waist as he slowly started building up his speed, chasing an orgasm that he couldn’t have.

He heard Sebastian swear, and John jerked his head around, watching Cal start fucking him, pushing Seb’s head down into the sheets and setting up a brutal rhythm.

John yelped as Dean’s hands suddenly tightened, bringing John back around to focus on him. “Watch me,” Dean said, circling his thumbs and smiling before he rather quickly - though very gracefully - flipped them over and pinned John to the mattress.

Hot lips and tongue and teeth ran over his neck, and John moaned, his eyes fluttering shut as his previous fast pace was replaced with something closer to worship. Slow thrusts rubbed just to the side of his prostate and pushed all the way in, then about halfway out, and then repeated. When Dean’s lips finally found John’s, John was more than ready for the kiss, and his parted his lips with a whimper and a moan, greedily accepting Dean’s tongue past his lips.

Sebastian was now swearing repeatedly, words getting stuck between gasps and moans as he was fucked brutally into the mattress and he had to concentrate as much as possible not to get off from just that. He managed to turn his head and see John be flipped over and their pace slowed and Cal picked up on it almost immediately, rolling his hips and making Sebastian gasp. 

After a few moments Sebastian reached back and pushed Cal back, moaning as he slipped out of him and he turned around. Kissing Cal deeply before moving over to dean and John, leaning down to bite and suck at John’s nipple then kneeling next to dean and pulling him back so he could speak into his ear without John hearing.

Dean nodded with a grin and gave one last forceful snap of his hips before pulling out of John and flipping them over again, until John was on his hands and knees above dean with Sebastian behind him and Cal in front of him. 

Sebastian moved John’s hips again until he was sinking back down on deans cock except this time Sebastian was slicking up his fingers and again and he was going to give John exactly what he wanted. He set the pace by moving John’s hips with one hand as he started to work in his own fingers along with Dean’s prick.

Sebastian watched as Cal reached out to John’s hair and tangled his fingers in the strands but he shot a very quick questioning look to Sebastian who smiled and nodded.   
With the nod Cal tightened his grip on the hair and yanked John’s mouth toward his cock. At the same time Sebastian let go of John’s hips, trusting him to keep up the pace that was set and slapped John’s arse, hard enough to almost sting his hand.

John would have cried out if he hadn’t had Cal’s cock shoved all the way down his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut as it was, tears threatening to spill over as Cal started fucking his mouth, holding himself in until John was choking, and then he would pull out and let John breathe for a moment before doing it again.

He almost couldn’t feel the stretching of his arse, almost didn’t notice it at all because he was so focused on sucking off Cal. But he noticed when he felt pressure from Seb that wasn’t his fingers, and John suddenly stiffened and pulled off, gasping in a breath and the word “Wait”.

He coughed, clearing his throat and swallowing the extra saliva in his mouth. All other action had come to a stop, except for Seb’s hand rubbing his back, Dean’s thumbs circling his thighs, and Cal’s hand now massaging his scalp.

John turned to look at Seb. “Daddy, can I ride you instead?” he asked softly, biting his lip and wondering if it wasn’t his place to be asking. But this was his first time doing this, and it was going to hurt, and only Sebastian was allowed to see him like that, and only his daddy could make him feel better. “Please,” he whispered, hoping that Seb would understand.

"Of course baby, of course." Sebastian didn’t even question it, he understood and he moved John carefully before swapping placed with dean, both of them nodding at each other.   
He groaned deeply as John moved back over his and immediately, easily, slid down onto his cock before dean lined up too. He kept John’s eyes locked on his as Cal moved down and slid a hand between them, paying attention to John’s own pick simply to distract him.

"I got you baby." Sebastian rolled his hips up slowly and moved back down and he felt Dean now nudging at John’s hole, starting to press in carefully. They were both completely slick with lube and Deans length started to fill John slowly but smoothly as Sebastian gripped onto John’s waist, grounding him.

"Such a good boy, such a good boy for daddy and his friends hmm? You’re doing so well." He brought one hand up to John’s hair and stroked it carefully, pulling him into a deep kiss and groaning loudly into John’s mouth when he knew that Dean was completely inside John.   
Their cocks rubbing together and they tried to still, letting John adjust before starting to move incredibly slowly. 

Cal removed his hand from John’s cock that was now leaking pre come over Sebastian’s stomach and moved back to his mouth, and Sebastian cupped John’s jaw, guiding him to Cal’s prick.

John had kept his eyes locked with Sebastian the whole time, wincing and swearing under his breath as the stretch got a bit much as Dean bottomed out. He trembled around them while he adjusted, and it was actually a huge relief when they finally started moving.

He let Seb guide his mouth back to Cal’s cock, and he opened up again, accepting him eagerly. Everything had slowed down for now, and John was allowed to set his own pace on Cal’s cock, licking and sucking and flattening his tongue, mostly staying at the head and focusing on the glans, but occasionally dipping his head and taking Cal all the way.

He could hear Dean swearing behind him, could feel hands roaming his back and chest, but he was so focused on sucking off Cal that nothing really registered until Cal suddenly pulled off to keep from cumming and John was suddenly speared by a sharp thrust from both Seb and Dean.

He cried out, dropping his head down only to have it pulled back up by his hair, Dean’s hand gripping on tightly as he and Seb started to fuck him more quickly.

John could feel the buildup of probably two or three orgasms that he could have had but the cock ring had prevented, but now he was shuddering, and he was convinced that he could probably cum right then and there, cock ring be damned, and then the hand in his hair moved to wrap around his throat and give a squeeze.

John’s eyes went wide and he moaned, his mouth open and panting as he pushed back onto Seb and Dean, and then Cal was back and kissing John sloppily - but fuck John was so turned on by it anyway - and all he could do was  _feel_  and dig his nails into Sebastian’s chest.

Sebastian nearly came then at there at the sight of the hand around John’s throat but managed to hold on a bit longer, only just and he raised his head to nip at John’s shoulder and collarbone, soon turning into bites and sucking vivid marks into his skin. 

He swore loudly as he and Dean picked up the pace, it was tight and hot around his cock and the sheer thought that Dean’s length was rubbing against his pushed him closer to the edge and he saw the way John was trembling above him. But not yet, John had wait, do as he was told and he lifted his head to growl in John’s ear.

"Remember pet, you don’t cum until we decide you can." He blinked at the fact he called him pet but it was soon pushed from his mind and both his and deans rhythms because slightly erratic and he felt himself getting closer.

He knew that they were nearly all on the brink, all of them getting close to cumming bar of course John who had been told not too and he managed to use one arm to push Cal back slightly and this time guide his cock to Sebastian’s own mouth.   
He took as much as he could in that position before relaxing his jaw and letting Cal fuck his mouth just as they were fucking John. 

Hearing the sounds John was making and the sheer build-up of everything suddenly had Sebastian cumming violently, jerking under John and his shouts being muffled by Cal who was fucking his mouth to find his own release. 

The jerking of Sebastian’s hips had seemingly pushed dean to the brink too, moments later his own release filling John along with Sebastian’s. John still trembled above him as Sebastian came down from the high, letting his mouth continue to be used until he could feel the twitching of Cal’s cock and the hot release spilling into his mouth which he swallowed with relish, milking him for every last drop. 

The room was filled with the pants of the men, trying to catch their breath again and John’s quiet whimpers since he had still yet to cum. It would be soon, just not quite yet. Sebastian turned his head lazily to Cal and nodded toward the side, 

"Get the red plug." Both him and Dean pulled out of him as carefully as they could before call moved over and immediately filled John again, the plug wasn’t the biggest as he wanted John to relax slightly but he still wanted him kept full and open and he gently lay John on his side, stroking his hair. 

"You’ve been such a good boy." 

John shook and trembled, wanting to cum so bad, needing it with every fibre of his being. He whimpered, letting the tears that had built up spill over and run down his cheeks. He kept his eyes on Sebastian, trying to beg him silently, not wanting to verbally ask because he knew it would get him nowhere.

Dean and Cal had collapse on the other side of the bed, lazily kissing each other and catching their breaths.

"Daddy," John whispered, sounding wrecked. He shuddered as his body eased off the threat of orgasm, and he closed his eyes in defeat. He shook his head and swallowed thickly, his body limp and pliant.

Sebastian only felt moderately bad about the tears running from John’s eyes, he knew John was desperate but it would be more than worth it. 

"Shh, there’s a good boy." As soon as John stopped trembling so much he slowly moved over John and kissed him gently, being as tender as he possibly could he started to kiss his way down John’s chest, stopping to flick his tongue over John’s nipples, laving them with attention before moving further down and very carefully removing the cock ring around John. 

"You’ve been so good baby." He reached one hand up and laced his fingers with John, comforting him since he knew at the moment he would be slightly emotionally drained, before licking at the tip of John’s cock. He licked up the surprising amount of pre-come before finally taking John into his mouth and sucking slowly. 

John whined at the first touch of Seb’s mouth on him, and he gripped Seb’s hand in a tight grip. Beside him, Dean and Cal had stopped their lazy kissing and were now raptly paying attention to John and Sebastian.

John kept his face open and angled towards them, trying hard to keep his hips still and to refrain from bucking up into Sebastian’s mouth. He was already trembling again, and all he wanted, all he needed, was for Sebastian to just give him permission, and John would shatter.

His toes curled as Sebastian kept sucking, slowly moving down his length until John was completely buried in that warm heat, and then Seb pulled back again, setting up a rhythm that drove John mad.

He almost broke down, almost started begging, but he refused. He started crying again at some point, and Dean, who had been remarkably tender with him the whole time, reached out and wiped the tears away, stroking his hand through John’s hair. “You’re so good. Such a good boy,” he murmured, and John just closed his eyes and leant into the touch, trying not to break apart.

Sebastian gave John’s hand a light squeeze, getting his attention and with John’s prick still in his mouth he gave John a nod. Silent permission to finally cum and he suckled lightly at the tip, knowing that simply getting permission would now be enough to tip him over the edge.   
Soon enough he felt John tense beneath him and he moved his mouth from John’s cock, wrapping his hand around the shaft and started to lightly work John through his orgasm, in complete contrast to how violently he was cumming.

Any other time he would have swallowed, would have wanted to taste every part of John but right now he wanted to see him a mess, his stomach and even his chest up to his neck being coated in his release and there was nothing more beautiful. He eventually removed his hand from John and moved back up his body, placing a light kiss on his lips,

"I love you baby, you done so well." He gave him a soft smile before turning to Dean and Cal,

"There’s bottles of water in the fridge, would you mind getting some?" Both Dean and Cal got up to get them, both sharing a lazy kiss with Sebastian before heading into the kitchen. He turned his attention back to John and started stroking his hair,

"You’re gonna drink at least half a bottle of water for me okay? Is there anything else you need?"

John nodded, though he wasn’t sure that he could stay conscious long enough. That problem was solved for him when Sebastian moved up the bed and lifted John up, holding him against his chest. John sighed, turning to nuzzle at Sebastian’s throat and breathe in his smell.

"I like your friends," he chuckled. "Especially Dean. Cal’s really wild," he murmured. They were a nice balance, though, especially together. 

He made a small sound when the men came back into the room, their tags clinking against their chests. He took his offered water with a slightly shaking hand and started sipping on it, not wanting to get sick just because he was thirsty.

"Am I allowed to sleep a bit, Daddy?" he asked, glancing over at Dean and Cal. He knew it would take a while for them to all bounce back, so John figured he had maybe a half hour to an hour if he was lucky.

"Sure baby, finish your water first." He made sure John drank enough and lay him down on the bed, pulling the older blanket over him. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of John’s mouth and his cheek before leaning into his ear,

"I love you baby." Once John was settled he grabbed his own bottle of water and drank most of it before shifting slightly and facing Cal and Dean who were looking at him intently, Dean resting on Cal’s chest.

"You still a toucher Sebby?" They laughed quietly and Sebastian nodded,

"That sounds awful but you know I can’t help it. John certainly doesn’t seem to mind." They smiled at him and Cal looked over to John who had apparently passed out straight away.

"You got so lucky Seb, anyway come here." He moved over to lie on the opposite side of Cal so he was facing dean, who he kissed lazily over Cal’s chest before starting to run his hands over his skin. He never knew why, but like Cal said he was a ‘toucher’ even when it wasn’t about sex, at the moment at least.

Cal and Dean grinned as Seb immediately started moving his hands over them and they lay like that for a long while as they let John rest.   
After around 45 minutes they decided they definitely wanted to wake up John again after Sebastian’s touches eventually turned into more. They moved John as carefully as they could into the centre of the bed, not wanting to wake him yet.

Once he was in the middle of the bed and on his back Cal moved between his legs and started to kiss and lick at his thighs while Sebastian and dean moved over his chest and took each nipple into their mouth.

John was roused with a low moan, automatically arching into the touches on his body, his thighs spreading wider at the feeling of being touched there. He moaned again, gasping when he felt teeth on his nipple and his eyes flew wide.

He found Dean and Sebastian sucking at his nipples, and he could feel Cal mouthing his way up the inside of his thighs. “Oh…” he whispered, his fingers curling into claws on the bed, digging into the sheets to ground him.

He was still so fucking tired, but fuck if he wasn’t insanely turned on at the same time. 

He swallowed. “Daddy? Can I get the plug taken out?” he asked softly, turning to look at Sebastian. The silicone was starting to get uncomfortable, and he’d rather it at least be  _moving_  than just sitting there stationary.

Sebastian looked up to John and nodded before motioning to Cal, silently telling him to do the honours and his mouth immediately went back to John’s nipple, sucking and biting lightly. 

Cal parted John’s legs further and continued mouthing his way to the top of John’s thigh, nipping lightly at the skin before sucking a light mark into the top of his thing. Once he was happy with his mark he moved his hand up and grasped the bottom of the plug, starting to slowly work it out of John.  
He watched intently as he pulled it out, John still open slightly when it was completely removed. He placed it to the side and very easily slid two fingers into John, crooking them upwards and hitting his prostate before pulling them out again. 

Sebastian and Dean eventually moved back until all three men were looking at John, admiring him for a moment before deciding how he should be positioned.   
It was as if they were having a silent conversation and soon enough they were moving and Sebastian slid his fingers under the back of John’s collar and pulled him up, carefully enough that it didn’t hurt him too much but hard enough to know what was going to happen. 

He stood John up and walked him to the foot of the bed, finger still under the collar he pulled him in for a heated kiss, all tongue and teeth before moving back and speaking to Cal and Dean. 

"Get the rope and the spreader bar." He smiled as Dean handed him the rope and Cal kneeled down to move John’s legs apart and secured them at the ankles keep them apart while Sebastian started to talk while he wrapped the rope around John’s wrists in front of him. 

"You going to be good for us for a while longer baby? You going to be a good boy for daddy and his friends? If you behave you can cum when you want this time." He gave John and almost predatory grin as he turned him slightly and tied his wrists to the foot of the bed so he was bent at the hips, exposed completely. 

This was a very new position for John, trapped in a way he hadn’t been before, leaning his weight on the foot of the bed in order to keep his balance. The spreader bar was lower than he was used to, but it wasn’t bad.

He turned to Seb and nodded slowly, clearing his throat and licking his lips to breathe out a, “Yes, Daddy.”

He felt more than heard Cal move up behind him and grab him by the hips, starting a bit more gentle but quickly tightening his grip to be almost bruising. John made a soft, wordless exclamation, and he turned his face to hide it in his elbow.

Cal thrust into him in one long, smooth stroke, bringing a low moan from John. He heard a chuckle, one that wasn’t from Cal, and his head was quickly pulled back by the collar, cutting off a large portion of his air supply. He turned his eyes and saw Sebastian grinning wickedly at him, feeling the collar tighten even more. 

John’s mouth was open, trying to capture the air that he was desperate for, but it wasn’t entering his chest, wasn’t filling up his lungs. His cock twitched, and black spots danced across his vision.

Sebastian let go and air flooded John’s lungs. He gasped and coughed and shuddered, his head dropping down until his chin bumped his chest, and Cal just fucked him harder.

Sebastian watched as John took deeps shuddering breaths and he licked his lips, he placed a strong hand between John’s shoulders and pushed him down further so John was now facing the floor.

He moved away from John and climbed onto the bed, and kneeling just where John’s hands were tied. Sebastian grasped John’s hair and tugged harshly, pulling John’s mouth to his cock pushing all the way in, effectively cutting off John’s air supply with his length this time.

"There’s a good boy." He held John in place before pulling back and fucking his mouth moaning loudly whenever John’s throat constricted around him, following Cal’s pace so John couldn’t move back or forward if he wanted too. 

At the same time Dean had fell to his knees, moving under John and taking him in his mouth, hardly having to move his head thanks to Cal’s thrusts that ended up forcing John to fuck Dean’s mouth.   
Cal now had a bruising grip on John’s waist as Sebastian reached over and dragged his nails up John’s back as one hand kept a tight grip in his hair forcing John’s mouth onto his cock.

John felt effectively fucked, and he knew that they weren’t even close to done yet. He closed his eyes, focusing on not choking and on swallowing past his gag reflex as Seb fucked his mouth, not letting him breathe. Saliva was already running down his chin, and John blushed, his hips shuddering as Cal slammed into him harder than before, then held his position for a moment.

What seemed wordless but could have easily involved an order - John was too busy nearly blacking out to notice - the men all backed away and rotated positions.

John’s body shuddered as he coughed, and he felt all three men touching him, reassuring him. Seb knew that John could be easily triggered when he was tied up, which was probably why their touches were soothing even when they were all fucking him roughly.

Dean was now kneeling in front of him. Seb was behind him and Cal was on the floor, already lapping at the tip of John’s cock. John shuddered and moaned, and then all three men moved together and John couldn’t breathe anymore, taking Dean’s cock all the way down and forcing himself to swallow around it.

As Sebastian started to fuck into him, each snap of his hips hard and rough, he reached forward and hooked two of his fingers in the back of John’s collar. He pulled back every so often cutting off his air when it wasn’t cut off by the cock in his mouth. 

He brought his other hand up and slapped John’s arse as hard as he could before running soothing fingertips over the mark before doing exactly the same except this time further up. He didn’t stop until all of the right side of John’s arse and the top of his thigh was bright red, welts even rising in some places.

"Fuck! Such a good boy, doing so well." After a few more snaps of his hips he pulled out and stroked gently down John’s sides, a sharp contrast to what he had just been doing. He nodded to the other two men telling them silently to move back and he moved round and started to untie John’s wrists from the bed then untying them completely.

"On your knees pet." The spreader bar kept John’s legs open as he was lowered to the floor and Sebastian dean and Cal all stood in front of him.

"Come on then, put that gorgeous mouth and those hands to use."

John mulled over Sebastian’s use of the word pet when referring to John now as he was helped - barely - to the ground by Dean. Once he was kneeling, he looked up at his daddy and listened to him, then nodded and let out a small breath, taking in a large gulp of air before he got to work.

He started sucking off Cal first, the only one who hadn’t got a chance at his mouth this time. Cal was rough, suffocating John with his cock and making him hold it there until John was positive that he was going to throw up, black out, or both. His hands worked the other two simultaneously.

And then his head would get pulled in another direction, and he would switch. Saliva was dribbling down his throat and over his collar by the time they all stepped back again, and John gasped for breath, but he kept looking at the men this time, giving them a pretty picture of what they had done to him so far.

Sebastian looked down and John and he looked absolutely wrecked, he watched as saliva hug from his chin before dripping to the floor and he wanted to savour the image. It was a few more moments before he moved forward and tugged John up by his collar, 

"Come on, on the bed." He saw as John lay on his back and he tutted, 

"No baby, come here." Sebastian lay on the bed after picking up the lube and he wrapped his legs around John’s waist as Dean moved behind John. He tugged John down for a sloppy kiss before wrapping a lube covered hand around John’s cock and giving it a few firm strokes and rubbing his thumb over the glans. 

He tossed the bottle to Dean who slicked up his own cock again and licked his lips, waiting for Sebastian who guided John’s prick to his own entrance, biting back a grin at the look on John’s face as he pulled John into him using his legs. Sebastian groaned deeply, it was a rare sensation for him of course but it definitely wasn’t unpleasant despite the slight burn. 

Once John was fully seated Dean slid easily into John, forcing John to thrust into Sebastian who growled deeply. Cal this time decided to kneel by Sebastian and use his mouth instead of John’s, this time it was simply a means to and end and he fucked Sebastian’s mouth harshly.   
Sebastian groaned around the cock as John thrust into him, following the motions of Dean that were becoming harder and he felt Cal tense next to him so he purposefully groaned around his cock again. 

The result was a sudden load filling his mouth while he mostly tried to swallow but some escaped the corner of his mouth yet he couldn’t bring himself to care.   
It wasn’t often he was in this position and he was far to focus on John moving inside him and getting a hand to his own cock. 

John kept swearing and moaning, bracing himself above Sebastian and fucking into him, trying to set a pace so that Dean didn’t have to move as much, and John was fucking himself back onto Dean’s cock while he was fucking Sebastian as well.

Cal reached out and grabbed John’s chin, pulling him close for a kiss as Cal’s hips came to a stop, letting his cock rest in Seb’s mouth a moment longer before he finally pulled out.

John could hear Dean swearing, and his head was pulled back roughly by his collar. His hips stuttered and he fought down his orgasm. He knew that Seb had said he could cum when he wanted to, but there were guests and he wanted to make his daddy proud of him for holding out.

Dean started fucking him harder, each thrust pushing John into Sebastian, and John knew that he was hitting Seb’s prostate, and Sebastian was trembling, and John couldn’t breathe, and his cock was leaking precum and fuck fuck  _fuck_  he was going to cum.

Dean slammed into him and John felt himself being filled. The hand on his collar relaxed and the first cold breath of air went straight to his cock and he cried out, but he refused,  _refused_ to cum.

Sebastian’s entire body shuddered as John cried out above him and he tightened his legs around John, pulling him into him as deep as he could. His hand came up and he clawed at john’s back, sure he was breaking the skin but not caring he just needed that bit more. 

He tugged at his own cock, feeling the heat pool in his stomach, the cum he felt dripping down his face and one look at John was enough to tip him over the edge and he bit hard into John’s shoulder, definitely breaking the skin this time, as he painted his own stomach with cum. 

"John please!" This was certainly a one off but he needed it, he needed everything at the moment and he moved the hand that was scratching at John’s back and wrapped it around John’s throat. 

"Please!" This time his voice was a growl, deep and threatening yet he was still begging. 

John cried out, cumming hard at Sebastian’s demand to fill him up, and he couldn’t breathe, could only feel the intensity of the orgasm ripping through him and the harsh burn of the claw marks on his back and the bite on his shoulder.

He blacked out.

When he came to, he was on his side, Sebastian in front of him gently cleaning up the blood, cum and saliva, and Dean was giving him a gentle massage and Cal was lying behind him and petting his hair. The spreader bar was gone, and John felt like lead.

He hummed, but that was the only sound that he could make, his mouth too dry to even hardly think about anything else.

Sebastian had a damp washcloth in his hand and got the worst off John, running the cloth as gently as he could over his body when John came around. 

"Ah, there he is. My baby okay?" Cal immediately passed over the bottle of water and Sebastian carefully opened it and pressed it to John’s lips so he didn’t have to move.   
Once he was satisfied with the amount he had drank he place the bottle on the side and moved back over to John, stroking the side of his face gently. 

"Cal and Dean have to go now baby, they wanted to make sure you were alright first." They had stuck around to make sure John was okay and they both started getting ready, a comfortable lazy silence hanging in the room as they did. Once they were dressed they both came over and gave John a lazy kiss before Sebastian done the same as they walked over to the door. 

He didn’t want to leave John for a moment because he knew how vulnerable he could get after sex never mind after that, but he needed to show Cal and Dean out at least and he kissed John’s forehead, 

"Listen baby, I’m gonna show them out okay? Daddy’s gonna be back in a minute yeah?" He kissed John’s forehead again before pulling on a random pair of boxers and walking them to the door, saying their goodbyes and promises to keep in touch and finally he was back in the room with John, just the two of them.   
He crawled back onto the bed and pulled John to him, wrapping his arms around him and holding him close. 

"I’m going to get up soon and make food then you’re going to eat and have a bath before resting alright? How’re you feeling?"

John just laid there listlessly while Sebastian was gone, and he barely had enough energy in him to nod softly. “‘m tired. Hurts. Can’t really move,” he murmured, closing his eyes. He doubted that he’d be able to eat much, because swallowing was kind of difficult.

He nuzzled against Seb’s chest and let out a heavy breath. “Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, smiling softly, though he was beaming on the inside. “It was perfect.”

His back stung and his arse was sore and burning where he’d been slapped, and his shoulder hurt where Seb had bit into him, but fuck, he felt amazing, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

"I’m more than glad you liked it baby." Sebastian kissed his forehead again and hummed before closing his eyes and just focused on feeling John next to him. 

"I love you so much John, so fucking much." He sighed contentedly not wanting to move but he needed to make sure John ate and got washed up properly.   
He shifted from John and ran a hand through his mussed up hair, 

"I won’t be long, it’s just going to be soup for now then you will have to eat something else later alright?" He went into the kitchen and set about making John the soup, grabbing another bottle of water as he did and placing one on the tray as he downed a full one himself.   
As he waited for the soup to heat up he made himself some toast and ate it slowly, once he was done he put it on the tray with the water and carried it in placing it on the side before moving over to John. 

"Come on then, up you get." He made sure John sat up slowly and was comfortable before he passed the tray over. 

"I want you to eat most of it then I think a shower might be easier." 

John looked down at the soup for a long moment before he picked up the bowl and sipped from it, letting the thick broth sooth his throat. He hummed softly while he ate, eventually picking up the spoon and chewing the noodles and the carrots and chicken.

When the whole bowl was gone, he picked up the water and drank that too, setting everything aside once he was done. He was really fucking tired, and his arse was going to hurt like a bastard in the morning, but right now he was warm from the soup and his arms were at his sides and everything was heavy and slow like a dream.

He knew it was his body crashing from the endorphin high that he’d been riding, but it wasn’t exactly something that he could stop. “Mmm daddy,” he whispered, wanting to say something about taking the collar off to clean it and to show off the bruises that would be forming there, but all he could do was swallow and flick his eyes down to pointedly look at Sebastian’s throat.

Sebastian frowned slightly at John’s gesture but after a moment seemed to pick up on what he was trying to say,

"Do you want the collar off for a bit baby?" He waited until John managed a small nod and he reached over, reaching around the back of John’s neck and unfastening the collar before placing it carefully on the side.   
He reached out and ran his fingertips down the marks already forming over John’s neck, 

"Beautiful." he watched as John’s eyes fluttered shut and he tapped John’s cheek. 

"No, come on you really need to get cleaned up, then you can sleep for as long as you want." He looked down and John and smiled before simply scooping him up and carrying him to the bathroom as carefully as he could. 

He placed him down slowly, giving John time to get his legs under him and stand up while leaning on Sebastian while he turned the shower on and waited for it to get hot. Sebastian shucked off his boxers while still trying to keep John steady before pulling him gradually under the spray of water. 

It was going to sting and his body ached in sympathy but he needed to be cleaned, the scratches and bite mark especially so he would have to bear with for the moment until Sebastian could get him to bed. 

John whimpered as the water ran down his back, and he hissed and let himself turn into Sebastian and hide his face against his neck. “Daddy,” he whimpered, letting himself fall that low and just seek out shelter from Sebastian. 

He didn’t try to get away, though, as Seb cleaned him off. He stood like a good boy and let his daddy take care of him while he just clung on to Seb’s arm in order to stay upright.

When the shower was finally shut off, John stepped out with some help and let himself be dried off, and then a robe was wrapped around him and he was carried back to bed. 

John was asleep before they even crossed the threshold.

Sebastian wrapped an extra blanket around John before getting him into bed, making sure he would be warm and comfortable enough before climbing into the bed next to him trying to be careful not to wake him up, though he was sure John would sleep solidly for a while. 

He reached over a kissed him gently, running his fingers through his slightly damp hair before moving closer and closing his own eyes. He was tired himself and he was sure he could squeeze in an hour. Despite John being asleep he still looked over to him and smiled, 

"Sleep well baby." Soon enough he had closed his eyes and was asleep just as fast. 

John woke up only a few hours after falling asleep, having tried to roll over. He ended up just hurting himself, and he whimpered as he woke up, readjusting himself and scooting back over to Sebastian, who was stirring.

"It’s alright," he whispered, nudging his nose against the hollow of Sebastian’s neck. "I’m fine. Go back to sleep," he whispered, and they both quickly did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A tremendously indulgent chapter but of course nothing is perfect yet :) Come find up on tumblr as mormortrash and mxrmor feel free to comment/kudos :3


	34. Chapter 34

Months went by faster than John could keep track. It was pretty easy to get lost in the hustle, though, because between work and planning this  _fucking_  wedding, both he and Sebastian had a lot on their minds.

They didn’t have time for sex anymore, hardly had time for dinners together. John was getting angry with Sebastian just as much as Seb was getting angry with John. John had taken to avoiding Sebastian lately, getting out of the house on the pretence of doing  _anything_  other than sitting in the flat yelling about tuxes for the groomsmen or whatever else they were trying to plan. 

John wasn’t being sexist when he - more than once - thought they needed a woman for this. Women, he thought, wouldn’t throw a fit because the shade of silver was  _one fucking shade too light_. Women might at the very least be able to handle dealing with both John and Seb right now, where they were both failing.

As soon as John walked through the door Sebastian was up and striding into the hallway at his full height. The entered apartment had been thick with tension for weeks now, something was eventually bound to give and John avoiding him again was the last fucking straw. Sebastian hated being truly angry, it was rare he was but now something had to give and unfortunately it was Sebastian’s patience so as soon as the door closed behind John that was it.

"Oh avoiding me again are we? Because apparently it’s not enough for us to be arguing over this stupid fucking wedding you also have to run away from your problems because you can’t fucking deal with us disagreeing." Sebastian squared his shoulders and dug his nails hard into his palms, he had to keep a lid on it but he could feel himself boiling over.

"Is there even any fucking point in you living here anymore? You just keep fucking LEAVING! You’re hardly ever here and you spend more time out or at fucking Baker Street while I’m left here by myself. Was only a matter of time you were sick of me huh? Was it a drawn out novelty for you? All of it, just something until you found something better? That why you keep leaving?”

Sebastian knew it was petty but they hadn’t spent this much time apart since… Well for a long time. And the other day when John was out again Sebastian hadn’t even been able to speak properly and he was terrified the stress was going to make him severely selectively mute again. John blanched, receiving Seb’s anger like a blow to the face.

“You know what, Sebastian? Fuck you. You’re the one that keeps yelling at me and trampling over my ideas when I’m just trying to make this go as smoothly as fucking possible, and all you’re doing is complaining about everything. The fucking colours of the fucking plates, Jesus Christ. It’s just fucking silver.”

He clenched his jaw, glaring Sebastian down. “Don’t you dare, don’t you  _dare_  accusing me of leaving you. I’ve never fucking left you, never. I’m trying my fucking hardest not to fight with you, because you’re being so damned fussy about every little fucking thing. It just goes so much smoother when I’m out of the house letting you decide what  _you_  think is best for  _our_  wedding.”

"Well I’m so fucking sorry if I just wanted everything to be beyond perfect for you. I’m sorry that I don’t want one fucking detail wrong because all I have ever fucking wanted is to give you the best I possibly can. I’m sorry that I want everything to go smoothly on what I fucking hope is the best day of your life. I’m sorry that IM NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH!"   
His voice echoed around the room and he shocked himself with how loud he had shouted, it had made him come back to himself and he was unclenching his fists and hissing at the sting of where his nails had been viciously digging in, very likely breaking skin.

He looked at John and swallowed, unable to find words again after the shock he had just gave himself and instead he walked into the kitchen to grab the smaller first aid kit they kept in there.  
Sebastian silently took out and antiseptic wipe and absentmindedly rubbed at the marks on his palms, biting the inside of his cheek at the sting of the antiseptic.

John stood there for a moment, reeling from what had just happened. He swallowed, picking up his feet and forcing himself to walk after Sebastian into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around Seb’s waist and buried his face between his shoulder blades. 

"I know," he whispered, rubbing his thumbs over Seb’s stomach. "I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t be avoiding you," he murmured, shaking his head and holding Sebastian tighter for a moment before he let him go and gently turned him around.

They spoke better without words, they always had. So John took Seb’s hands and the wipe, gently cleaning them up and then putting some antibacterial salve on them before wrapping them with gauze that could be taken off in a couple of hours. He kissed the inside of Seb’s wrists before releasing his hands, looking up at him with a soft smile.

Sebastian jumped slightly when John’s arms wrapped around his waist, not really expecting it at all and he immediately leaned back into it. It was at the point now where he couldn’t even remember the last time John had initiated contacted like that, he was sure that there was even a thin layer of dust on the collar that John had loved so much.   
The thought made his eyes sting but he took a breath and let John finish cleaning up his hands. Sebastian’s breath stuttered as John kissed the inside of his wrists and it felt like his chest had tightened at John’s smile.

Sebastian pulled John to him and wrapped his arms tightly around John and breathed him in deeply, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"We’re going to hire a wedding planner." He laughed gently, something that almost turned into a quiet sob. He swore he would never shout like that at John, never. Sebastian moved back and chewed his lip as he signed he was sorry, the words feeling like they wouldn’t come out.

John laughed weakly, taking Sebastian’s hands in his own and kissing over his knuckles. “We probably should have done that from the beginning,” he murmured, looking up at Seb as he walked back into his arms. He leant heavily against Seb’s chest, closing his eyes tightly.

He hadn’t felt like Sebastian’s in months. His collar was in the bedroom, having not been worn for multiple weeks. There’d been too much strain and too little touch, and it had ruined them. But not beyond fixing.

John reached up and gently cupped Sebastian’s cheek, smiling as he pulled him down for an incredibly soft kiss. He slid their tongues together, moaning softly and arching into him, but he never pressed any harder, just revelled in the fact that Sebastian was kissing him back.

Sebastian immediately leaned into John’s touch and couldn’t stop the quiet sigh that escaped him when John pressed their lips together. Sebastian’s hands splayed over John’s back, his thumbs rubbing softly over the material of his shirt. 

He pressed his hands into John’s back pulling him against him completely and humming quietly before he eventually had to pull away for a breath. 

"I missed this, I missed you baby." He gave John a small smile, and moved his hands to John’s waist and squeezed lightly before tilting his head down and kissing him again. 

John hummed into the second kiss, sliding a hand up into Sebastian’s hair and tugging gently on it. “Fuck, Seb, I always miss you when we’re not together,” he mumbled, pulling away from the kiss to look up at him.

"Stay here," he murmured, pressing his hand firmly against Seb’s chest before he turned out if the kitchen and quickly walked into the bedroom. He grabbed his collar and blew off the dust, smiling softly before returning to Sebastian.

He held his hand out, palm up, and smiled. “Would you put it on me, please?” he asked, wanting to rectify this situation, wanting to be Seb’s again.”

Sebastian raised his eyebrow and watched as John went into the bedroom and he tilted his head, wondering what John was doing and he chewed his lip while he waited.   
When John came back and held out his hand he couldn’t stop the large smile that made its way onto his face. He took the collar from John, running his thumb over the soft leather before moving to stand behind him. 

"Of course baby." He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the back of John’s neck before fastening the collar in place, making sure it was on properly.

Sebastian turned John around and kissed him again, his hands moving over his shoulders and sometimes moving up to touch the collar, sometimes moving down to John’s waist. John hummed softly, running his hands over Sebastian, just getting to feel him again and revelling in it.

“Thank you, Daddy,” he murmured, letting out a heavy sigh as he said that, feeling a weight lift off of him and disappear.

He wrapped his arms around Sebastian and held him tightly, burying his face in his chest. “Let’s go to the living room. We can call someone later this afternoon,” he murmured, leaning up on his toes to nip Sebastian’s jaw. “Then they can handle the wedding.”

"Good idea." He held tightly onto John, keeping them standing in the kitchen for a few moments longer before moving back and grinned at John.   
He suddenly moved forward and picked John up, throwing him over his shoulder and carrying him through to the living room and dumping him unceremoniously on the sofa. 

He grabbed the remote and flopped down next to John, suddenly feeling a million times lighter and significantly more relaxed. He turned on the TV and pulled John to him, pulling him into his lap and wrapping his arms around John’s waist so he couldn’t move and started peppering the parts of John’s neck he could reach in kisses.

John broke out laughing, giggling and squirming on Seb’s lap, trying to get away from the ridiculous amount of kisses. “Sebastian!” he squeaked, leaning away as much as he could, which really wasn’t very much. “Seb!”

Finally Seb relented, and John collapse, panting onto his chest, still laughing though he was trying to catch his breath. “I love you, you ridiculous man,” he murmured, letting out a breath and nuzzling into Seb’s shoulder.

Sebastian held John to him and laughed breathily for a few moments before pressing one more softer kiss to John’s head, 

"I love you too baby." He leaned his cheek against John’s head, and sat there just breathing him in before another laugh escaped him, he was trying desperately to hold it back but he couldn’t stop. 

"You squeaked. You actually squeaked." Sebastian started laughing again before doing an awful imitation of John squeaking him name. 

"I think you’re the ridiculous one, at least I don’t squeak." Sebastian was starting to find it slightly hard to breath with the amount of laughing he was doing and it took a few very long moments before he calmed himself down enough to move one hand from John and wipe the tears from his eyes. 

John shoved at Sebastian’s shoulder, sticking out his tongue and crossing his arms with a huff. “Piss off,” he muttered good-naturedly, turning away to pretend to watch the TV.

A few moments later, Seb was kissing gently along his neck again, and John melted back against him, groaning softly and tilting his head to the side, smiling when he heard his tag tinkle.

"I can’t stay mad at you," he murmured, sighing as he turning to capture Seb’s lips with his own.

Sebastian laughed again as John shoved his shoulder, letting him have his ‘huff’ for a few moments before he was back to kissing him again. Softer this time and he sighed when John turn to kiss him properly. He kept it chaste and pulled back almost immediately, looking down at John, 

"You weren’t even mad you drama queen." Before John could respond this time Sebastian kissed him again, this time moving his tongue over John’s lips, sliding it between them to taste him slowly.   
He shifted slightly so he could stroke his hand over John’s waist, every movement he made was unhurried and if he needed to memorize John again. 

John almost whimpered, leaning into Sebastian and cupping his jaw. He turned so that he was straddling Seb’s legs, pressing them together just to touch, just to feel. 

He moved his hands down after a moment, playing with the chain of Seb’s dog tags for a moment before smoothing it back down and running his hands over broad shoulders and down Sebastian’s chest.

He only broke from the kiss so that he could breathe. “I love you,” he murmured, over and over as he placed open-mouthed kisses on Seb’s neck in between hot panted breaths.

Sebastian immediately tilted his head back, gasping as John’s started to kiss every inch of his neck. He moved his hands to grip John’s shoulders, holding him in place so he wouldn’t stop.

"Fucking hell, I love you too. So much, fucking much." Sebastian moved his hands down from John’s shoulders, moving over his waist and his fingertips teasing the skin through his shirt before letting them rest on John’s thighs. His head had dropped back against the sofa now, baring his throat completely for John and he couldn’t stop the small groan that escaped his throat.

"I missed this baby, I missed you." He let his eyes close and started to move his hands again, except this time he was intent on touching every single inch of John.

John hummed, nipping and licking and sucking at Sebastian’s neck, not trying to mark him, just wanting to touch him and taste him again.

He always missed Sebastian. Always. Even if they were just in separate rooms, he missed him. It was stupid and irrational and highly dependent of him, but he really didn’t care. He wanted to always be with Seb. 

His breath hitched when those long, commanding fingers lifted up the hem of his jumper and slid underneath to run over his skin. A whine escaped him, and he arched into the touches, suckling at the hollow of Sebastian’s throat.

John’s skin was warm underneath his hands, and just as soft. He dragged his fingertips over John’s sides before splaying them over John’s back, as if he was trying to touch as much of John as possible in one go.   
He groaned quietly when John truly started to suck and nip at his neck and he pulled john forward by the hands on his back until there was barely room for air between them.

"John…" He couldn’t even form the rest of a sentence since his mind was too focused on feeling. Feeling John again, feeling his lips on his neck and his skin under his hands.   
There was no doubt he would ever want or need more than John because he was simply everything.

"I know," John whispered, pulling back a little and smiling down at Seb. He pulled off Sebastian’s shirt and then his own, tossing them both aside and leaning back down to press a long, heavy kiss to Sebastian’s mouth. 

When he pulled away, he slipped down between Sebastian’s legs kissing and nuzzling and grazing his teeth over Seb’s chest and stomach as he went . “I know, Daddy,” he murmured, his hands running over Seb’s thighs and down to the back of his calves.

He looked up at Seb, his skin already burning hot. “Can I taste you, Daddy? Please?” He wanted to make up for upsetting Seb, wanted to be a good boy again and do something nice.

Sebastian tilted his head forward and watched intently as John slowly moved down his body, his body shuddering every time john looked up and caught his eyes.   
He watched with heavy lidded eyes as John settled between his legs and he stroked a hand through John’s hair, starting to play with the strands, almost petting him.

"Yes baby, gods yes." Sebastian lifted his hips once John had unfastened his jeans, letting John pull them down enough to expose him. He used a light grip in John’s hair to guide him forward before stroking through it again,

"Go on then, my gorgeous boy."

John hummed, enjoying Seb’s fingers in his hair, guiding him and encouraging him. John licked his lips and leant forward, kissing up the length of Sebastian’s cock, every so often flicking his tongue out to taste him.

When he got to the tip, he suckled softly on the glans, his lips wrapped loosely around them and his tongue working the slit. He moaned low in the back of his throat when he had finally worked a bead of pre-cum from Seb, and he felt it bloom over his tongue.

He loved the way Sebastian tasted; loved the way he felt on his tongue and in his mouth and all the way down his throat. He inched his way lower, slowly working himself down Seb’s cock until he had all of him in his mouth, and then he swallowed and pulled back off to the tip.

Sebastian kept one hand tangled in John’s hair, sometimes tugging and sometimes simply stroking through while his other hand cupped John’s cheek, feeling it hollow when John moved back and sucked.   
He swore and groaned loudly as John alternated between taking him all in and suckling at the tip, it was either not enough or it was too much and it was getting him worked up far too quickly. 

Then again it had been what felt like ages so it was hardly going to last forever, he jerked his hips us and gasped as John’s tongue flicked over his slit repeatedly before he swallowed him down again.   
He wanted him to slow down but he needed more at the same time and he bit his lip, trying to get himself under control before essentially deciding to fuck it. After how long it had been he would probably be hard again in 15 minutes.

"Ah, fuck baby." He tightened his grip in John’s hair, not controlling his movements completely but encouraging him to speed up, moaning loudly as John complied.

John complied with Sebastian’s wishes, moving his mouth faster, groaning as he slid down and hollowing his cheeks as he pulled back up, moving quicker until he felt the hand in his hair tighten, felt all of Sebastian’s muscles contract.

John pushed himself all the way down and moaned as he was suddenly filled with Sebastian’s cum. He kept sucking gently, rolling his tongue around and looking up at Seb with bright eyes. Sebastian swore loudly, his hand tightening almost painfully in John’s hair as he came hard, moaning lewdly as he watched John swallow everything. 

He only pulled off when he needed to breathe, and he quickly finished swallowing and then leant against Seb’s leg, nuzzling into his thigh.

He eventually loosened his grip on John’s hair but kept his hand there and once he could think again he started to card his hands through the strands before moving down and softly stroking his cheek. 

"That was… that…" He couldn’t even form a proper sentence since he was so sated and instead gestured for John to stand up, once he was standing Sebastian undone John’s jeans and tugged them down, letting John step out of them completely and kicking them to the side.   
With John completely bare in front of him except the collar he sucked in a breath and leaned back,

"Stunning." He reached out his hands and stroked them over John’s thighs, simply looking at him and taking him in. 

John didn’t mind stripping down in front of Seb and just standing there, though he didn’t know what to do with his hands. He put them behind his back and clasped them together, looking down when Sebastian started caressing his thighs.

John blushed, looking at Seb with a soft smile on his face. “Thank you, Daddy,” he murmured, chewing on his lip as he watched Seb’s thoughts skitter across his face.

Sebastian lost track of how long he simply looked at John, he could quite happy have sat there for hours just looking but he eventually moved his hands up to John’s hips. He ran his thumbs over the dip before moving his hands back over John’s arse and squeezing gently.   
He pulled John forward and pressed a soft kiss to hip before nipping lightly then starting to suck a mark into the sensitive skin.

Sebastian gave the same treatment to the other hip before finally dragging his tongue slowly up John’s shaft incredibly slowly. He hummed before licking up the rather significant amount of precome that was leaking from John’s cock, taking his time lapping at the tip and not giving any more.

John whimpered at the soft, deliberate attentions given to him. He wondered briefly if Seb was taking his time so that he could rebound, and John smirked at that, wanting Seb to fuck him, wanting his daddy inside of him again.

He moaned low in his throat and rocked forward, his hands coming up to thread into Sebastian’s hair. “Daddy,” he whispered, not knowing how long his legs could keep him up if Seb kept moving so torturously, “can I sit, please?”

Sebastian didn’t even stop his ministrations as he pushed John back slightly and fell to his knees. He knelt in front of John, licking his way down John’s cock before nipping at the top of his thigh.

"Of course baby." He turned them around and pushed him back until John was sitting on the sofa and Sebastian was settled between his legs and he looked up at John and smirked slightly.

"My gorgeous boy." This time he moved forward and completely swallowed John down and starting an immediate unrelenting pace, hollowing his cheeks and starting to suck.

John fell to the sofa and spread his legs wide, looking down and marvelling at Sebastian. He couldn’t remember the last time they were in this position, or if they had ever been like this at all.

His mind was wiped clean from thinking about it, though, when Sebastian suddenly took him down and went to work. John cried out, his hands suddenly fisting in Seb’s hair, pulling him in close without even thinking about his actions. All he wanted was more, and he was desperate for it.

“Please please ple- oh  _fuck_ , Daddy,” he moaned, closing his eyes and trying to concentrate on not cumming within the first thirty seconds.

Sebastian hummed around John’s cock, keeping up the unrelenting pace but every so often pulling back far enough to swirl his tongue around the glans before swallowing him down again. 

He brought his hands up and ran them up the inside of John’s thighs before dragging his nails back down the sensitive skin, stopping to grip John’s thighs tightly.   
He kept his mouth moving over John’s cock until he felt John’s thighs start to tremble beneath his hands and still he didn’t stop.

John cried out sharply, bucking his hips up and tightening his grip in Seb’s hair as he came, pushed over by the sheer amount of stimuli that Sebastian had thrown at him.

He let go of Sebastian’s hair and collapsed on the sofa, panting and grinning like an idiot as he came down slowly from the high. His eyelids fluttered open, and he looked down to see Seb still kneeling between his legs, a small stream of cum running down the corner of his mouth.

John reached out and caught it with his thumb, bringing the digit up to his mouth and sucking on it with a small smile. 

Sebastian swallowed eagerly; only a small amount escaping his lips but the only thought in his mind was how amazing John looked when he came. 

He smiled as John eventually looked down at him and he couldn’t stop the small moan that escaped him as he watched John catch the cum that had fell past his lips. Once he could finally tear his eyes away from John he stood up slowly and took his trousers off completely since they were still around his legs before climbing onto the sofa next to John.

He pulled John to him and wrapped the blanket from the sofa around them both before finally kissing John again, the taste of them both being swapped on their tongues rather obscenely and Sebastian groaned quietly.   
He broke the kiss and held John tightly before laughing quietly and rutting up against him.

"Honestly I’m only going to need two more minutes because fuck I missed this and that was incredibly hot."

John laughed, resting against Sebastian and closing his eyes, his breath slowly coming back to him. “I might need longer than two minutes,” he teased, though it was true. Seb was still younger than John, by quite a few years. 

He let out a happy breath, humming as he nuzzled against Sebastian and breathed him in. “God, I love you,” he murmured, looking up at Seb and smiling. “I swear, I swear to god, if you ever feel like I’m walking out on you, I’m not. You should stop me if there’s a next time, because I’d rather us exchange punches than have to go through this again.”

Sebastian laughed lightly then tilted his head forward to whisper right into John’s ear,

"I never said you had to be ready, you can take the time to recover while I’m fucking you." He made sure to lower his voice so it was almost a rumble before leaning back again and pretending he had said nothing.

At John’s next comment though he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to his neck,

"It won’t come to that again, I won’t let it baby. Never again." If it happened again he really thought it might break him, they had been through everything together, to the point of life or death, yet knowing something might be wrong between the two of them was too much.   
He was just glad they sorted it out before they really fucked it up; he couldn’t imagine life without John.

John chuckled, nodding as he leant against Sebastian. He thought a bit about what Seb had said, and it made him shiver. “Alright, Daddy,” he murmured, readjusting himself on the sofa so that he was lying down curled up with his head in Seb’s lap. 

"Just let me know when you’re ready." John nuzzled against Seb’s thigh, kissing over his sensitive skin. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging, but instead he was just vibrating with happiness and anticipation.

He felt Seb’s hand settle into his hair and then slide down his skin, touching him everywhere. It was soothing, going through this motion again, knowing that it meant Seb was relaxed and content.

Sebastian sighed as John kissed his thigh and started to stroke through his hair, John lying there with his head in his lap with just his collar on seemed incredibly… Right. 

He imagined coming in after a job and john already being like that, he would make himself a coffee and John would crawl up into his lap in nothing but the collar and not saying a word. Nuzzling against his thigh and Sebastian would sit and stroke his hair and skin, and when Sebastian wanted he would clip the lead on that he always had to hand and lead him into the bedroom, John crawling beside him.

He frowned and shook his head slightly, nearly laughing at himself, well that was new. New, weird, but not entirely horrible and he imagined John kneeling in front of the bed lapping at his cock while he still held the lead in his hand.   
Sebastian heard himself quietly moan at the sheer though and he nudged John,

"Baby, go and get the lube." He stroked his fingers over John’s cheek and smiled at him before chewing his lip for a moment before clearing his throat.

"Don’t walk. Crawl."

John thought about that request for a moment, trying to mull over why and then… oh. He smirked, wondering how Seb had got this idea and why John didn’t have more of a problem with it. Instead, it made him smile.

Without saying anything, John got off the sofa and onto his hands and knees. He stretched and turned to nuzzle the inside of Seb’s calf with his cheek before he leisurely crawled to the bedroom.

He got the lube and then, after some thought, grabbed his lead as well. By the time he got back out to the living room, Sebastian was completely hard and stroking himself, and the sight of that made John moan low in his chest. He handed Seb the lube first and then the leash before sitting on his heels and looking up at him.

Sebastian watched John intently as he crawled into the bedroom, licking his lips at the view and soon enough he was fully hard. He grinned as John brought out the lead as well, it was as if he had read his mind and he immediately clipped the lead onto John’s collar and wrapped it around one hand. 

He placed the lube next to him for the time being and stroked John’s hair, pulling him closer with the lead. He took a breath, this was slightly (very new) and he didn’t know what he was doing exactly, or even why he liked it so he would improvise. He stroked over John’s face and smiled softly. 

"Such a good boy." He tugged forward again on the lead and patted his own thigh at the same time, silently telling John to get up onto his lap. 

John carefully assessed the best way to get up there without hurting either of them, and he did so by quickly jumping up onto the sofa and then moving into Sebastian’s lap. He sat there with his hands on Seb’s chest and stomach, watching him and refusing to speak because he knew that that was against the rules in this game.

Instead he whined, flicking his eyes from Seb to the lube and then down to himself, asking if this was okay or if Seb wanted him to move a bit or what.

Sebastian chewed his lip again as John quietly complied, jumping up on the sofa and positioning himself on his lap. He shifted his hips so John move back slightly so he could have better access.   
He couldn’t stop the arousal that ran though him as John whined and he put his hand through the loop of the lead so it was around his wrist, leaving him with both hands free. 

He picked up the bottle beside him and liberally slicked up his fingers, only looking away from John from a moment to put the lube back down. 

Sebastian moved his hand and trailed his fingers over the cleft of John’s arse before teasing around his entrance but not pressing in, not just yet.   
He brought his other hand up and stroked over John’s neck, just behind his ear. 

"You’re my good boy aren’t you?"

John made a soft noise, closing his eyes halfway and turning his head to nuzzle against Sebastian’s hand. He nodded, softly kissing and then hesitantly licking over Seb’s skin.

He rocked back a little towards Seb’s fingers, whining again. He wasn’t really turned on, but he knew that was because it was too soon. Regardless, he still wanted Sebastian inside of him, and he knew that that meant opening him up.

He licked his way up to Sebastian’s thumb, locking eyes with his daddy before starting to suck on his thumb, suggestively moaning and rolling his tongue around.

"Oh, fuck." Sebastian’s cock immediately twitched at the sight and sensation of John licking over his hand before taking his thumb into his mouth. All he could focus on was the wet heat and he groaned quietly. 

After rubbing over John’s hole for a few more moment he eventually pushed one slick finger inside, it had been a while and it was so much tighter around his finger than he was expecting, and he had to reign himself in for a few moments before he started moving his hand.

He would pull out the digit halfway before pushing it back in, all the way to the knuckle as John sucked on his thumb and his cock twitched against John’s thigh.   
He soon pulled his thumb from John’s mouth, running it over his lower lip, before wrapping the lead a few times around his hand and pulling John forward until their chest were pressed together and he pressed a kiss just behind John’s ear.

"Such a good boy for me, so eager aren’t you pet?"

John gasped as he was suddenly pulled forward, and the shift in his position made Seb’s knuckle press against his prostate. A high pitched whine came from his lips, and he buried his face in Sebastian’s chest, nodding in reply to his daddy’s question.

He wished he could speak, so that he could beg Sebastian to hurry it up, to fuck him already because he was fine and he could handle a little pain and god he just wanted Seb to be in him again after so long but he  _couldn’t_  so he just whined again, licking at Sebastian’s neck and trembling a little in anticipation as his leash was pulled tighter and a second finger was added.

Sebastian groaned deeply as John whined and licked at his neck, the entire thing unbearably arousing and he started to scissor his fingers. He rutted his hips up again, his cock seeking any friction he could find as he kissed and nipped behind John’s ear again, his hand keeping a tight hold on his leash.

"Fucking hell John, you’re amazing; you’re so good for me my gorgeous pet. Mine." The last word was very nearly a growl as he pushing in a third finger, he was starting to verge on desperate and he finger fucked John roughly but if the whines that were coming from him were any indication he didn’t mind one bit. 

He gave one last nip behind Johns ear before removing his fingers completely, keeping a grip on the lead as he used one hand to slick up his cock. Pulling John forward and using the grip on the leash and collar to pull him down as he moved his hips up, finally filling John slowly with his cock.

John cried out as Sebastian finally filled him up completely, pushing into John and sinking all the way to the base. John whimpered, trembling as his overstimulated prostate was rubbed. He wanted to gasp out a soft ‘daddy,’ was actually so tempted to that he forces himself to latch his mouth to Seb’s neck instead and suckle lightly at his skin.

Once he was used to being filled again, he slowly rocked his hips, smiling to himself as he earned a low groan from Sebastian. He went a little faster, a little harder, but kept it pretty tame, for the most part. Seb’s hands were on his hips, though, and he was just waiting for a command.

Sebastian swore when John started to move, moving one hand to slip up and hook his fingers through John’s collar, keeping the other in a tight grip on John’s hip and before he could stop himself words were spilling from his lips.

"You look so beautiful like that, sitting on daddy’s cock riding me like you couldn’t be more desperate. The way you do as you’re told, a good little pet who’s always desperate to be fucked. Imagine always being ready and willing, always in your collar prepared and ready for me for when I decide to take you." 

He ended up moaning loudly, having worked himself up with the stream of word from his lips. Sebastian got a firmer grip on John’s collar, and snapped his hips up hard as he used the collar to pull him down and started relentlessly fucking John as he held him in place.

John wanted to sob, but he was having a difficult enough time breathing to worry about something like that. He could perfectly feel every inch of Sebastian’s cock that was being fucked hard into him, and he could feel the burning that was the stimulation on his sensitive prostate. And even though he wasn’t hard, he was extremely aroused.

He dug his fingertips into Sebastian’s biceps, needing something to hold on to, something to ground him. He thought about what Sebastian had said, thought about how, when Seb went out for work, John could be waiting for him on the floor or on the couch with his collar on and maybe a plug already worked into his arse so that he daddy could just start fucking him like the little bitch he was.

He whined long at that, wanting it so badly, wanting to be able to please his daddy like that, since it was obviously what he wanted. He gasped and squirmed, rolling his hips as much as he could in Sebastian’s grip in order to help his daddy get off.

"Ah fucking hell John!" His hips stuttered as John started to squirm on his lap, he moved the hand that was holding John’s hip and brought it up to John’s hair.   
He stroked it softly in sharp contrast to how hard he was fucking him, moving his hand down slightly and unable to resist scratching lightly behind John’s ear.

"You fucking love the thought of that don’t you, being my pet and letting me use you whenever I want? Sitting by my feet, with your hole stretched and ready just waiting for me to invite you up onto my lap so you can sit on my cock hmm?" He moved his hand back to John’s hair and gripped it tightly before pulling on the collar again, this time making it more difficult for John to breathe while he felt the heat pooling in his stomach.

"You want me to fill you up baby, does my pet want his daddy’s cum?"

John’s fingers tightened instinctively when his air was cut off a little more, and breathing turned into short, shallow breaths that dragged down his windpipe and were pushed back out with every thrust from Sebastian.

John nodded his eyes wide with desperation. Yes, he wanted to be Sebastian’s pet, wanted to be his puppy and his bitch and his good little boy. He wanted to be spoiled and loved and fucked like a whore. He bit his trebling lip and nodded again, because he wanted to be filled up, he always wanted to be filled up. Especially after so long, he was aching for Sebastian’s cum.

All it took was the nod from John and a few more sharp thrusts from Sebastian and he was tightening his grip on John’s hair and his collar as he started to tremble beneath him.

"Fuck!" Sebastian came violently, with a shout and he shuddered underneath John as he filled him. He managed to let go of the collar but immediately grabbed the lead as he continued to thrust up into John, fucking through his orgasm until he could barely move his hips.   
Sebastian practically melted back against the sofa, letting go of John’s hair and breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling heavily.

"Come here." He tugged at the lead and pulled John forward so he fell against Sebastian’s chest. When he finally had the energy he brought his hand back up to John’s neck and stroked the skin lightly.

John smiled softly, nuzzling against Seb’s chest as he lay there, feeling Sebastian’s heart thumping away in his chest, listening to his breaths falling rapidly from his lips. He licked his lips, humming at the gentle touches Sebastian placed over his skin, and he melted from them.

He loved it when, after a rough bout of sex, Sebastian cooled them both off with gentle, soft touches that didn’t mean anything, but were just a way for them to be close, to connect. It came in handy, sometimes, when John hadn’t realised that he had got a bruise or a welt or a cut from something, and Seb’s touching had alerted them to it so that they could take care of it.

John would have bruises now, and he almost wanted to put off calling a wedding planner so that he could just walk around the flat naked, showing off the bruises that would form on his neck and the large ones that would be on his hips. 

He hummed, still smiling to himself, and let his mind drift away for a bit, nearly sleeping but not quite. He wasn’t tired, just content to be there, to still have Seb buried inside of him, trapping his cum for the time being.

Sebastian finally let go of the lead and wrapped his arm around John’s waist, stroking over his skin, mirroring the movements off his other hand.   
It took him more than a few long moments before he could bring himself to speak; before he did he turned his head and pressed a kiss to John’s temple.

"You alright baby?" He felt a nod against his chest and smiled before going back to stroking John’s skin.

"We should probably call the wedding planner soon if we want an appointment by tomorrow, I doubt we would get one today." He gave John another soft kiss and sighed in contentment.

John didn’t know if he was allowed to speak yet, so he didn’t say anything at all, just continued to lie there, nodding every now and again and making noises of agreement, but not speaking, not unless he was allowed to.

He sighed softly, leaning back and sliding off of Sebastian’s lap to lie down on the sofa again the way he had been before, with his head in Sebastian’s lap. Maybe he did need to sleep after all. He was emotionally exhausted, for sure. And he was hypersensitive; his body not used to being fucked like that so soon after a good orgasm.

He let out a long hum, his eyes slipping closed as his shoulders relaxed, and he gradually found himself sliding into a light sleep.

Sebastian shifted slightly as John moved; groaning slightly as his now very sensitive cock slipped out and he let his head fall back on the sofa. He closed his eyes, despite not being tired; just content and he gently petted John’s hair as he settled his head in Sebastian’s lap.   
He sat and murmured sweet nothings to John as he fell asleep, keeping his hand moving over John’s hair and skin even as he slept.

After about an hour or so Sebastian lightly tapped the side of John’s face,

"Come on baby, wake up. Come on." He leaned down to kiss John’s forehead and shifted again so he could push John, forcing him to sit up.

"I want you to go and get cleaned up then come back out here and we can choose the wedding planner yeah? Then I think some take out is in order. After you get cleaned up you can put on a robe if you want to." He gave him a soft smile before leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"And you can speak now baby."

John blinked his eyes open slowly, nodding and yawning, smiling up at Sebastian. “Alright, Daddy,” he murmured, standing up and stretching carefully before walking from the living room and down the hall to the bathroom.

He climbed into the shower, not wanting to take his collar off, and just stood under the spray for a long time. He hummed softly to himself, running his fingers through his hair and letting out a soft breath as he finally cleaned himself up and then stepped out of the shower. 

He dried off, but he didn’t put on a robe, already feeling the bruises starting to form. He smiled to himself as he stared at the bright marks for a moment longer before walking back out to join Sebastian.

While John was showering Sebastian went into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt before going back to the sofa.   
He grabbed his laptop and opened it up, waiting for it to turn on he heard John come back into the living room and he smiled when he saw that he had decided to forgo the robe.

"Come here baby." He lifted his arm so John could settle next to him and he pulled the laptop back to balance on his knees so they could search for the best wedding planners.   
Before he started the search he looked over to John, taking in his neck and hips and the bruises forming there and he gave him a smile,

"Gorgeous." He stole a quick kiss before turning back to the laptop and starting the search, at least money wasn’t a problem, they could afford the best.

John blushed and mumbled a soft “Thank you” as he snuggled into Sebastian’s side, tucking his feet up and nestling his head on Seb’s shoulder. He let out a soft breath as they searched; sometimes leaving tabs open for people that they liked, and then deleting them later when they found someone better.

Eventually they settled on a woman named Elizabeth Keetes, who had been planning weddings her whole life and blah blah blah. All John cared about were the comments from the couples about how easy she was to work with, and her designs were gorgeous as well.

"When are you going to call?" John asked, letting out a soft breath and closing his eyes again. He just wanted to rest against Sebastian forever. Seb, who was warm and comfortable and always smelled so fucking nice.

"I’m going to call her now, the sooner the better hmm? It says calling hours are until 8pm so it’s not too late, then we can order some food." He turned and smiled at John, leaning in to give him a slow kiss, humming into his mouth before eventually leaning over to grab the phone.   
He dialled the number quickly and there was an answer on the third ring,

"Ms Keetes? Yeah, yep. Yes actually we were hoping as soon as possible. Yeah that’s fantastic. Oh that’s great, yes. Great timing then, see you tomorrow." He grinned and turned to John but frowned slightly as he saw he had his eyes closed again and he nudged him gently,

"We lucked out with that, she has just finished a huge workload so is totally free and we can meet her tomorrow, I just have to email her our address and she is going to come here at 10am." It felt as if he could breathe again now, it was going to take so much strain off them and of course they would have input but it wouldn’t be nearly as stressful.

"Food is the priority now though, I’m starving. What do you fancy baby?"

John hummed as he blinked a little, looking around and finding Sebastian’s eyes. “Hmm… yeah, food,” he said, nodding as he sat up a bit straighter and stretched. “I don’t know… maybe Thai?” he suggested, ending up back in his original position against Sebastian. 

His elbow started hurting, so he shifted position, freeing it up and stretching it out before he settled back down. “Can I go lie down?” he asked, looking up at Seb while he rubbed his elbow. “‘m really tired, and I wanna sleep ‘til the food gets here.”

He’d been relatively exhausted the past few days, but he was completely wiped out now. He needed a good six hours of sleep at the least, but he felt like he could sleep for days.

Sebastian frowned again, wanting to chalk John needing to sleep up to the exhaustion from trying to plan the wedding and tiring himself out earlier but when he thought about it he furrowed his brow further. 

John had always slept a lot, if they weren’t doing anything in the afternoon he would sleep, after sex he would sleep and every night he would manage to still get around 8 hours.

"Yeah, of course. Go lie down and I will order the food." He gave him a soft smile before watching him walk to the bedroom and as soon as he was gone Sebastian pulled the laptop back to him and opened google.   
Sebastian ordered the food online before going back to the search engine he had open, He was probably worrying over nothing but he needed to just have a look, just in case.

As soon as John was in the bedroom, he collapsed into bed, curling up among the sheets that smelled like Sebastian, and pulling Seb’s pillow to him to sleep on. He smiled into the fabric, and soon he was asleep once more.

He woke up from Sebastian shaking him later, and John just rolled over. “I don’t wanna get up, Daddy,” he whispered, shaking his head and burrowing under the covers. “Please don’t make me get up. It’s warm and my muscles hurt and I’m still really tired.”

The doctor side of his brain was nagging at him, telling him that something was probably wrong if he was still dog tired after all that sleep, but he didn’t have the drive to care about it.

All of the results Sebastian had found were cause for worry and he couldn’t let it slip by, not while they were in the process of arranging their wedding. When the food came, he ate his own but didn’t disturb John and instead put up his plate and put it in the oven so he could eat later.   
Once he had done that he was on the phone to the doctor, telling him to come over immediately. It wasn’t necessarily a huge emergency but he wanted it to be sorted now, and he wanted John to be okay.

Once the doctor had arrived he made him a cup of tea and told him to sit in the living room while he we and woke John up. He shook him awake gently and wasn’t surprised when John refused to get up.

"John, baby come on you need to get up. The doctor is here." He went and fetched John’s robe and brought it over to the bed,

"Come on, you have to get up baby, don’t make me carry you out." He pulled john up into a sitting position and managed to put the robe around his shoulders, sliding his arms into the sleeves. He left the collar, knowing John would probably want it kept on plus it wasn’t as if the doctor would say anything or care for that matter.

"Come on John, you need to come into the living room."

John sighed softly, because of  _course_  Sebastian would have called the doctor, and of  _course_  he would have asked to have an in-home evaluation. Grumbling about the fact that he was  _fine_  and that Seb was  _overreacting_ , John stood up and walked with Seb out into the living room.

The doctor stood when they entered and watched John carefully as he was led over to the sofa and sat down gently. John answered the doctor’s questions, closed his eyes for most of the examination, and held out his arm for a blood sample.

"Well," the doctor said, "it seems to me that something’s wrong with your thyroid. It’s perfectly common, but it is something that can cause all of these symptoms. I’m going to run tests on your blood and then I’ll give you a call when it’s complete, okay?" The last statement was directed at Sebastian, because John had already turned his head into Seb’s shoulder and was trying to get back to sleep.

The doctor sighed. “Until I can get back to you, just get him something to eat and then let him sleep as long as he wants. There’s really not much else to do until I’m certain of what it is.”

As soon as John’s head was on his shoulder Sebastian put an arm around him and stroked his hair, nodding as the doctor spoke. Breathing out a sigh of relief,

"Of course, thank you." He looked down to john and shrugged slightly and the doctor smiled and nodded before seeing himself out.

"Baby?" He nudged his shoulder up so John’s head was forced up,

"You heard him, you need to eat then I promise you can sleep again okay?" He kissed John before moving to get the food he had kept warm in the oven and bringing it over, making sure that John ate something.   
He was more than relieved it was just a thyroid problem, his friend had dealt with that and it was a simple case of medication to keep the levels under control.

John hummed once all of his food was gone, and he turned once again to nuzzle up against Sebastian. “You made him tea,” he murmured, smirking to himself. “My my, you ferocious colonel. Has my decency rubbed off on you?” he teased, chuckling drowsily, his eyes closed and his body heavy.

"Will you lie with me this time?" he asked, his fingers tracing over Sebastian’s chest very slowly. "You’re warm, and you smell good, and I haven’t slept with you in a while."

Sebastian laughed and let John cuddle up to him,

"I made him tea because I didn’t know how long it would take for me to get you out of bed." He laughed quietly again and hummed in agreement at John’s request.

"As long as you don’t mind me watching TV for a couple of hours." He looked at the plate and the mug on the table and figured he could deal with them in the morning and he moved John slightly so when he stood up he picked John up with him.

He gave John a chaste kiss before carrying him into the bedroom and laying him on the bed before he stripped off and climbed under the covers, grabbing the TV remote and lifting his arm so John could lie against his side, using his chest as a pillow.

"I love you baby." John snuggled up close to Sebastian, humming so quietly that he nearly couldn’t be heard, but he knew that Seb could feel it against his ribcage.

 “I love you too, Daddy.” He whispered, and a few moments later, he was asleep.


	35. Chapter 35

The doctor had diagnosed John with Hypothyroidism, and given him some medication, and John was already feeling a lot better now since the medication had kicked in and was doing its job.

He hadn’t been able to meet with the wedding planner yesterday when she had stopped over, but Sebastian had talked to her about the basics and what they had already that needed to be in the wedding, and given her some general directions so that when she came back today, it was with multiple different plans.

John stepped out of the bathroom after shaving and found Seb perched on the edge of the bed, no shirt on and with his jeans unbuttoned, his head tipped back and exposing his neck while he watched the news.

“Christ,” he murmured, stopping for a moment to admire the view. “Anything interesting?” he asked, reaching for his own clothes, which were folded on the bed already.

Sebastian turned to look at John when he spoke and gave him a smile.

"Nothing overly interesting, I see that Sherlock solved a bit of a high profile case but nothing exciting." He stood from the end of the bed and buttoned up his jeans before walking over to John and wrapped his arms around his shoulders,

"How you feeling today baby? By the way the only acceptable answer to that question is ‘I’m excited to see my sexy fiancée in a tux.’" Sebastian laughed quietly again before giving john a quick kiss and moving away to find a shirt.

John laughed, shaking his head at how ridiculous Sebastian was. He was excited, though. Not just to see Seb in a tux, but also for this to actually be happening. They were getting married, and soon. It was going to be a hectic rush from here on out, but Christ, John was so ready for it.

"I don’t even remember what colours we settled on," he said, pulling on a shirt instead of a jumped and tucking it into his jeans. "Silver accents, obviously, but did we decide black or blue or that really pretty dark grey?" he asked, trying desperately to remember but finding himself unable.

"Dark grey, we thought it would look better with silvers, less tacky." Sebastian laughed quietly again, a rush of excitement running through him.   
It was finally getting close, they were going to try on their suites and he had to calm himself down, pulling John to him and kissing him slowly to ground himself.

He pulled away and checked his phone looking at the time and swearing,

"Shit, we better get a move on."

John laughed lightly, following Sebastian out of the flat and to the car. He slid into the passenger seat and leaned back against the leather, closing his eyes and sighing with contentment.

He let Sebastian take charge of driving them there, and he didn’t make any quips about him driving too fast when they had plenty of time. When they got there, though, John’s stomach twisted with anticipation and excitement, and he got out of the car with Seb and immediately took his hand.

Sebastian smiled and linked their fingers together, leaning over to press a kiss to John’s lips before locking the car and leading John into the store. 

One of the assistants rushed over, knowing who they were straight away and shepherding them further into the room. They had already been measured for the suits, this time it was simply a case of trying them on to make sure they were perfect. They were eventually forced to let go of each other’s hands as they were ushered to their dressing rooms. 

Sebastian shot John a grin over his shoulder before he disappeared from view and he was filled with anticipation. 

John’s tux was already hanging up in the dressing room, waiting for him. He smiled softly as he ran his fingers over the material, then quickly stripped out of his clothes and started getting dressed.

The tux fit him perfectly, the dark grey making his hair look darker, more blond and less grey. The cut was fantastic, showing off his waist and his shoulders. He had refused to wear a bowtie, so he quickly tied the silver tie around his neck, situating it underneath the waistcoat. And then he pulled out the pocket square, which was supposed to be silver as well, but John’s was a rich, dark cobalt blue. 

Frowning, John thought it had been a mistake until he realised that no, this had to be Sebastian, because the colour of the pocket square was the same colour as his eyes. He smiled widely then, putting it in place and stepping into his shoes before he walked out of the dressing room.

Sebastian had decided to go with the bow tie, making sure it was fastened perfectly before smoothing his hands over the lapels of the tux and straightening the pocket square. He smiled as he straightened it, thinking about the colour he had secretly chosen for John.   
He took one more look in the mirror before taking a deep breath and stepping out of the dressing room. 

He made it about two steps before he stilled, sucking in a sharp breath and his words catching in his throat. 

"Y- you, J…" Words were failing him and he laughed at himself before signing to John,

_Fuck I’m speechless you look stunning._

John smiled softly, looking Sebastian over and trying to imagine the corsage that would be pinned to his lapel, how fantastic the wedding band would look on his finger.

He blushed, ducking his head down. He didn’t think he looked that great; looked pretty normal, really, but a nice tux could really pull off a good illusion when it wanted to. He stepped up to Sebastian and reached up to touch his cheek lightly with his fingertips. 

"You look amazing," he murmured, trailing his fingers down and tapping on Seb’s lapel. "We should get white and silver flowers, then. Maybe with one dark blue flower?" he asked, glancing up at Seb and finding himself unable to stop the stupid grin spreading across his face.

Sebastian leaned into John’s touch and closed his eyes for a moment before taking another deep breath, 

"The dark blue on goes in the middle, white and silver around it." Sebastian immediately grinned back before laughing in disbelief, 

"This is really happening." He cupped Johns face and tilted his head up, stealing a quick kiss before moving back and looking at John again. He could hardly being to imagine what he would be feeling on the day if this is how he felt simply seeing John in the tux. 

"Gods I fucking love you John Watson." A cough behind Sebastian let them know that they were here just for a fitting and Sebastian gave another breathy laugh before moving back from John slightly. 

John laughed, turning around so that Seb could see all of it. “It fits perfectly,” he said, smoothing his hands down the material again before he looked over at the store owner, who had come out to see them. “They’re perfect,” he complimented before squeezing Seb’s hand and leaving to change back into his normal clothes.

He was sad to be out of the tux so fast, but he knew he’d be wearing it again soon, which made him feel better about it. Again, he finished changing before Sebastian, and he waited for him while a worker went in to take his suit out of the dressing room and put it in a bag to keep it clean.

Sebastian got changed carefully, wanting the tux to stay pristine and he smiled as one of the assistants went into put it in a suit bag once he was dressed.   
He walked immediately over to John and kissed him hard enough to force him to dip back slightly before pulling back, a wide smile taking over his face. 

"You’re going to have to stop me from making you wear the suit around the house constantly until we get married." He laughed loudly before they got called over again, their suits being bagged and carefully handed over to Sebastian who took them to the car, John following behind him. 

"Send Elizabeth a text saying thank you, she deserves bloody everything for how much she has done." Sebastian placed the suits on the back seat so they were kept flat, unable to keep the grin from his face. 

John laughed tutting at Seb and shaking his finger. “I’m not wearing it again until the wedding. After that you can get your fill of suit porn, but until then, no,” he teased, sliding into the passenger seat of the car and humming softly to himself as he fished out his phone.

He sent the message to Elizabeth, thanking her profusely. There were still some final details to be made, and then they would still have to get everything set up the morning of the wedding, but that wasn’t here yet, so John wasn’t going to worry too much.

Sebastian sat in the driver’s seat and waited for John to send the message before turning to him with a pout and trying to keep his face as sad looking as possible,

"Well if you’re not gonna wear the suit for me what will you wear for me?" He turned away again, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible, pouting at John every now and then on the drive back to their home.   
He didn’t say anything else but spent most of the time fighting the grin that wanted to appear on his face and he surprisingly managed to keep it up until they were in the apartment before he burst out laughing.

"Fuck I was doing so well! I have no idea how people can sulk for such a long time, I have been dying to laugh." He laughed again before going into the spare room and hanging up the suits in the wardrobe in their since there was more space. Once he was happy they would still be perfect on the day he went into the kitchen and put the kettle on, since he didn’t see John on the way he assumed he was in the bedroom and shouted after him.

"You want tea baby?"

"Sure, Daddy!" John called from the bedroom, working the clasp of the collar around his throat. When it was sitting the way he wanted, he stripped down and pulled on a pair of light blue panties, fitting them on properly before he walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

He walked up behind Seb and wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling into his shoulder. “I found something else to wear until I can wear my suit, Daddy,” he murmured, letting out a soft breath and stepping away so that Seb could turn to look.

Sebastian made the tea and left it on the bench, smiling as John came up behind him and he leaned against the touch. His smile widened as he heard John’s tone of voice, knowing he was most definitely going to like what he saw when he turned around. 

He turned around and slowly took John in, his eyes going straight to the collar that he wasn’t surprised John had immediately put back on, before moving slowly down John’s torso and taking in the gorgeous underwear he had on. He quirkier the corner of his mouth up in a half smirk before holding his arms out.

Sebastian waited for John to move forward and he wrapped his arms around him as soon as he did, kissing him deeply and humming quietly.   
He moved back a long few moments later, his hand rubbing small circles over John’s back,

"I think I can deal without you in the suit." He laughed quietly before stealing another kiss, this time resting his forehead against John’s after he had moved back.

"I don’t think I could ever tell you enough how beautiful you are."

John was glad, as always, that Sebastian was happy with John’s choice. He leant into the kisses, tangling his tongue with Seb’s and moaning softly. He blushed at Seb’s comment, but he continued to look up at Seb, smiling softly at him.

“I’m glad that you think so,” he whispered, leaning up for another quick kiss before he stepped away and took his tea, sipping on it slowly.

He walked out into the living room with it, taking a seat on the floor in front of the sofa and leaning back against it. He sipped his tea as he waited for Sebastian to join him, looking up with a soft smile as he did.

Sebastian picked up his own mug and followed John into the living room, unable to help the smile at the fact John had chosen to sit on the floor.   
He moved over to the sofa and sat down right next to John, tucking one of his legs under himself and getting comfortable. He made sure he would be able to hold his mug in one hand, leaving the other free to play with John’s hair, occasionally stroking the skin behind his ear.

"I’m still finding it hard to believe that this is all because we bumped into each other in a pub." Sebastian laughed quietly in disbelief, considering what they had both been through and the fact he would be marrying this amazing man very soon.

"I think you owe Sherlock a thank you as well, you wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for him being insufferable."

John hummed softly, leaning into Sebastian’s touch. He had to set down his tea for fear of spilling it on himself in case he relaxed too much. 

He chuckled. “Well, I think it mostly had to do with the one-night-stand-turned-permanent, but yeah, the pub certainly helped with that,” he teased. “And I did thank Sherlock. I gave him a VIP invite to the wedding, wrote it out myself. I doubt he’ll show up, but… yeah, well. Good thing there were plenty of other people to invite.”

Honestly, John didn’t know the majority of the people on the invite list. He had invited Harry and Sherlock and Lestrade and Mrs H, and then he had run out of names of people he actually cared to invite. 

"It doesn’t matter how many people are there. It’s the wedding itself that is important." He kept his hand moving through John’s hair while he sipped his tea for a moment and hummed in thought,

"I suppose you are right about the one night stand as well, so really I should be thanking you profusely for being such a cockslut." The light and praising tone was in complete contrast to the vulgar word and he stroked over John’s collar before moving back to his hair, grinning before he spoke again.

"Thank you so much John, for wanting me badly enough to come to mine on what was technically our first date and let me fuck you until you were a whimpering mess. Think I might have to put that in my vows." Sebastian’s laughed hard enough at himself to almost spill his tea and he had to take a few long breaths to calm himself down.

John laughed, snorting and covering his mouth to keep down his giggles. “Don’t you dare,” he said, playfully slapping Seb’s calf. “I’d walk right out of there if I didn’t die of embarrassment first.”

He turned his body so that he was leaning more of his side against the sofa, and he looked up at Seb with a smile. “I need to get to work on writing those vows,” he murmured, thinking about it and realising how far behind he was.

He groaned, resting his forehead on the sofa cushion by Seb’s leg. “Why are weddings so bloody difficult to do?” he mumbled.

"Well it was your idea in the first place." He laughed again before stroking over the back of John’s neck, soothing him. Most of it had been sorted out now but it was still stressful and the vows certainly weren’t helping, for John anyway.

"Trust me, the vows, well they come easier than you might expect. You just have to let them, I don’t know, flow from you I guess." He thought writing his vows would be nearly impossible he so often found it difficult to explain himself but they finally came to him.   
They weren’t necessarily the most perfect vows but they were raw and truthful, he only hoped he didn’t mess up saying them on the day because they carried the weight of everything even though he was still sure that what he and John had been through couldn’t be put into words.

John looked up at Seb, surprised to hear that he was already done with his vows. He whined, shaking his head and resting his cheek on Sebastian’s leg, closing his eyes for a moment so that he could think. 

"Alright, you have to promise to let me say mine first," he said softly. "Because otherwise I don’t think I’ll be able to work up the courage to try and say them." He thought it was stupid, that of all the things in his life that he had done, killing people and being shot at among them, he was finding it the most difficult to say his own wedding vows.

"Daddy?" he whispered, turning again to look up at Sebastian. "Can we go on a date sometime soon? Before the wedding? Please? Even if it’s just something simple like a movie… I want to go somewhere with you for fun."

Sebastian looked down at John, raising and eyebrow in pleasant surprise and he nodded before tapping the sofa next to him, telling John to come and sit next to him.   
He waited for John to come up onto the sofa and settle beside him, putting his arm around his shoulders and kissing his temple.

"That actually sounds perfect. Do you mind if I arrange it baby?" He already had some form of plan for the date, he already wanted to spoil John and he was mentally listing shows that were currently on. 

It would be dinner, then a show and perhaps a nightcap to top it off, perhaps War Horse or Les Mis, perhaps he was slightly over eager for a proper date but he couldn’t remember the last time they had done something like that and if they were going to go out he wanted it to be something great.

"You going to let me treat you to a new outfit?" He turned his head to smile at John, before kissing him slowly.

John hummed softly and smiled into the kiss, parting his lips so that Sebastian could delve in further if he wanted to. He pulled away after a moment and smiled up at Seb, enjoying the look of excitement in his eyes. 

"Of course you can arrange it, and I’d love a new outfit," he murmured, knowing that it would make Seb happy to hear it. "I love you, Daddy. So much."

He went back for another kiss, nibbling softly on Seb’s lower lip, but for the most part he just kissed him, letting each of them explore the other’s mouth.

Sebastian hummed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around John and holding him close, his hand wondering down to the soft material of the panties. He hummed again before gripping John’s thigh and eventually breaking the kiss, 

"So when are we going shopping baby?" He couldn’t wait to spoil John again; in fact Sebastian was rather excited for it since he always wanted the best for his baby.   
He ran his hand back up John’s thigh and stroked over the soft skin at the top just below his panties. 

John smiled, running his fingertips over Sebastian’s arm, looking thoughtfully at the skin there as if it helped find the answer that he was looking for. “Whenever you want to, Daddy,” he said, looking up at Seb again and smiling.

He was excited for their little date as well, and he was actually looking forward to Seb spoiling him with a new outfit. Sebastian had good taste in clothes, as John was starting to learn, and he knew it would be best to let his daddy plan everything.

~ 

Sebastian had already planned and booked everything, they had exactly one week until their ‘date’ and now he was planning on taking John out to get some new clothes since he wanted to spoil him. 

"Are you ready baby?" Sebastian was sitting on the sofa waiting for John to finish getting ready so they could go out and buy John his new outfit. He had already decided on a small boutique around a half an hour drive from their home and he would buy whatever John wanted. 

John walked out of the bedroom with a small smile, glad to be getting out of the flat again after what seemed like ages. He knew that Seb was probably going to go overboard buying John his new clothes, but he didn’t really mind, because he knew that it made Seb happy.

"Ready," he said, stopping in front of the sofa. He’d decided to keep his collar on, and he was nervous as hell about it because it was his first time leaving the flat with it on. "Is this okay?" he asked softly.

Sebastian looked up at John and paused before a smile lit his face. He stood up, wrapping one arm around John’s waist and bringing the other up to stroke over the collar,

"It’s more than okay baby." He couldn’t quite express how amazing it made him feel that John wanted to wear the collar when they went out. He could see that John was still slightly unsure though and he pressed a reassuring kiss to his lips before lightly kissing his neck above the collar.

"It’s perfect." He gave John another smile before quickly patting his pockets to make sure he had everything before they went down to the car.   
The drive was spent in comfortable silence and when Sebastian found a space to park, two streets from the store they would be going to, he looked over to John who still looked slightly apprehensive.

"You don’t have to wear it right now you know baby."

John glanced over at Seb, chewing on his lip, and nodded slowly. “I know,” he murmured, rubbing the collar with his hand. “But I want to,” he said with more confidence. 

He reached over and squeezed Seb’s hand before he got out of the car, straightening his jumper and fiddling with the tag on his collar as he waited for Sebastian.

Sebastian got out of the car and made sure it was locked before going over to John and taking his hand in his own, running his thumb over his knuckles, reassuring him.   
He gave him a small smile and refused to let go of his hand as they walked down the couple of streets to get to the store. He walked with his back straight and shoulders back slightly as if he was daring somebody to say something. 

Thankfully all John got was a few curious glances and Sebastian was pleasantly surprised, people probably also figured out how incredibly defensive he was of the man next to him and were smart enough to not start anything and he turned to John just outside the shop. 

"I think most of them were simply jealous of how gorgeous you look and how lucky I am." He gave John a grin, stealing a quick kiss before leading him into the store. 

John avoided the eyes of anyone who looked at him while they walked to the store. He wasn’t embarrassed at the fact that that collar told everyone that he was Seb’s, he just hadn’t done anything so out of the social norm in a long time, if ever. He couldn’t really remember right then.

He smiled up at Sebastian, squeezing his hand as they stepped over the threshold. A young woman walked up to them with a smile, asking if they needed help with anything. 

John didn’t know what Sebastian’s intentions were, so he just looked up at him, waiting patiently for Seb to take control.

As soon as someone asked if they needed help Sebastian put an arm around John and smiled politely at the woman working there,

"Well, we are going on a rather special date and John needs a new outfit." The smile on the woman’s face broadened, she obviously liked the whole ‘outfit’ part.   
"Oh and that includes shoes." He gave her another polite smile before turning to John and chastely kissing his forehead,

"You choose anything you want baby," he leaned in so he was speaking into John’s ear, "and if I catch you even thinking about looking at the price tags I will take you home and spank you until you can’t sit down."   
He leaned back and smiled at the woman as if he had been whispering sweet nothings to John and he nodded towards the clothes and the changing room, silently telling them to go and start finding John’s new outfit.

John shivered at the threat, for some reason just making him more alert and slightly turned on. He followed the woman back further into the store, passing clothes racks filled with silk shirts and ties and even cashmere jumpers.

He was immediately surrounded by workers, some taking his measurements, another asking what the occasion was, and another asking him to hold still so that they could gauge the colour of his eyes. Then they were all gone, leaving John not really knowing what had just happened. 

Pretty soon, though, the lady from before - the first one who had greeted them at the door - came back and led John into a changing room, where a suit was hung up and waiting for him, shoes on the floor.

The suit itself was a light grey, a soft dove colour that could look white in the right light. The silk shirt was a really light cadet blue, pulling out the grey in the suit and the blond in his hair. It wasn’t bespoke, but it fit him perfectly. He chewed on his lower lip as he stepped into the black shoes and looked himself over, deciding to undo the top two buttons of the shirt before he stepped out.

Sebastian stood up from the armchair he had been sat in while they fussed over John and he walked over, immediately reaching out and smoothing his hand down the front of jacket. 

"You look amazing baby." His voice was quiet as he took in the entire outfit., the pale colours making the collar the focal point thanks to the sharp contrast due to the dark leather.   
His fingers moved over and toyed with the collar of John’s shirt for a moment before he moved his hand away and gave John a bright smile. 

"What do you think? Do you want to try some other things on first; since we are here we may as well get you some new jumpers." He gave him a lopsided grin and a wink knowing he would flush under the attention.  John did indeed blush, and he ducked his head down as well.

“I like it, Daddy,” he murmured, swallowing and looking back up at Seb. He wanted to argue with him and say that he didn’t need any more jumpers that he was fine with the amount that he had. 

But he knew better. “Maybe just a couple jumpers,” he said softly. He knew it was nearly entirely up to Sebastian what was purchased, but John knew he had a little sway, too.

"Just a couple then." Sebastian knew that he would have spoiled John so much more but he compromised, knowing John didn’t liked to be spoiled as much as Sebastian wanted to. He gave another small smile before giving John a quick peck on the lips and giving him another once over, his eyes lingering on the collar. 

"Go on then, get changed and pick out some new jumpers, I will be at the counter baby." He watched John walk back into the changing room and walked over to the counter, laughing as the woman at the till tried to look neutral.

He could tell she didn’t approve, the look on her face when she saw the collar looked like she had bit a lemon in half and he found himself laughing quietly.   
She frowned at him while they waited for John to come over with the clothes he was getting and Sebastian watched her carefully as she bagged them, making sure she wouldn’t say anything. 

Once everything had been paid for and Sebastian had picked up the bags he took John’s hand on his own and led him from the shop, pausing when they were outside. John blushed again, resting his forehead against Seb’s chest and closing his eyes.

“The woman at the counter didn’t approve at all,” he said softly, reaching up and rubbing at the leather around his neck. He hated feeling so self-conscious, but he wanted to look good for Seb, and he didn’t like knowing that some people hated it. 

He sighed, pulling away and giving Sebastian a small smile. “But I guess it doesn’t matter. You approve, right?” he asked, glancing at the bag that held his new clothing. He knew they had cost a fortune, and that just made him blush even more.

"It doesn’t matter because people are too stupid to realize how gorgeous you look and they don’t understand how lucky I am to have you." Sebastian let go of John’s hand so he had once free and brought it up to brush his thumb over John’s reddening cheek.   
He gave John a small smile and brushed his fingertips over his jaw, 

"And you know I always approve." He leaned forward and kissed John’s cheek before taking his hand again and walking them to the car. He carefully placed the bag in the back of the car and sliding into the driver’s seat, turning on the radio and turning to John sliding his hand over and giving his thigh a soft squeeze.   
He didn’t say anything and simply let his hand move back from John’s leg and he pulled out and headed for home. 

When they reached the flat, John got out first, smiling now, and waited for Seb at the door. He always liked when they finally got back home after a day spent elsewhere. It was relaxing to be back in their own space, where the rules were definitive and John didn’t have to worry about anything.

After they rode in the elevator and were finally inside, John took the bag from Sebastian and brought it back to the bedroom. He put away the clothes and then stripped down to his pants before walking back into the kitchen and making some tea. After all the attention he had got for the clothing, he felt like not wearing any right then a habit he was getting into when he was in the flat.

Sebastian followed John into the bedroom and watched as he put his clothes away, smiling at how much care he was taking. He eventually took his eyes away from John long enough to get changed himself, pulling on his lounge pants and a worn old t-shirt.   
He wasn’t surprised when John decided to forgo clothes; it seemed to be what he favoured in the flat at the moment but Sebastian certainly wasn’t complaining.

He followed John into the kitchen and walked up behind him while he was making the tea, wrapping his arms around John’s waist and resting his chin on the top of John’s head. Closing his eyes for a moment, just letting himself feel John in front of him, no matter how long it had been or how long it would be he loved simply having John next to him and would never get sick of it.

"You looking forward to our date baby?"

John leant back into Sebastian’s hold, closing his eyes and letting himself sink into him, to feel safe wrapped up in his arms. “Yes, Daddy,” he whispered, going back to the tea and finally finished it.

He turned around, handing Seb his mug before he walked out to the living room, sitting on the floor again. When Seb came and joined him, John leant back against the sofa and rested his head against Seb’s leg.

"Where are we going to go?" he asked softly, leaning his head up in order to take a sip of his tea before he set it aside and went back to leaning on Seb’s leg.

"Well, it’s going to be an early dinner first because I managed to get some of the best tickets for war horse." Sebastian moved his hand to John’s hair and started stroking through it, it was almost second nature by now and it was something he would never stop doing.   
He sipped his tea and thought for a moment,

"Then, if you want to, we can go somewhere for a nightcap." He looked down at John, the hand still moving in his hair.

"How does that sound?"

John smiled, leaning into the fingers in his hair and closing his eyes, a soft hum rising from him. “That sounds really good,” he whispered, reaching for his tea and sipping at it again. 

"Do we have any jobs until then?" he asked. He knew that most of the business was dealt with by some of the lower level workers, but he and Seb still had to do some legwork every now and then.

"Hmm just a couple of jobs, some higher profile things need to be dealt with but it’s nothing too difficult." He gave him a smile before taking another drink of his tea and placing his mug on the side.   
Sebastian patted his lap, always eventually wanting John to be closer no matter the way it made him feel when John sat at his feet.

"Come up here baby."

John looked up, then, seeing Seb patting his thigh, he stood and slid into his daddy’s lap, nestling down with him and snuggling up to his chest. “I love you, Daddy,” he whispered, resting his head on Seb’s shoulder. 

He was excited for their wedding, which was less than a month away now. He knew that the design was already finalised and now that they had their tuxes, all they needed to do was show up at the wedding and get through the ceremony. Then they could be on their way to Prague.

Sebastian wrapped his arms around John, his hands resting on his back, his thumbs stroking over the warm skin.

"I love you too baby." He kissed the top of John’s head before leaning back and closing his eyes. He kept his thumbs moving over John’s back, soon becoming his fingertips that were stroking over every bit of skin he could reach.   
He sighed quietly, a small smile on his lips even with his eyes closed, he would get to do this for the rest of his life and there was no better thought.

His own motions this time had also lulled him to drowsiness and he felt himself relaxing even more, his arms around John becoming more relaxed as he started to doze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been amazing if you have stuck with it this far and unfortunately there isn't much left! I hope you have all been enjoying it and comments and kudos always mean a lot. You can also come find us on tumblr as mormortrash and mxrmor


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night!

John ran his fingers nervously through his hair, which he had brushed out at least three times now in three different ways. The suit was already on, and he was showered and shaved and ready to go. Except that he wasn’t. He was hesitating on the collar again. 

He brushed the leather in his hand and looked down at it, stroking his thumbs over the red that lined the dark leather. The tag dangled and caught the light, showing off Sebastian’s side, which always faced the front.

Swallowing, John walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, finding Sebastian waiting for him. Wordlessly, he held out the collar, turning around so Sebastian could put it on him.

Sebastian smiled brightly as John walked out, he looked amazing and his breath caught as he handed over the collar.   
Sebastian took it from him, running his fingers over the leather before fastening it around John’s neck. He gripped John’s shoulder and turned him around slowly,

"You look beautiful baby." Sebastian leaned forward and kissed him slowly, humming quietly before pulling away.

"The cab will be here in a few minutes so we might as well head down." He kissed him again, this time only chastely and checked his pockets, double checking he had his wallet and the tickets.

"Thank you, Daddy," John whispered, reaching up to touch his collar and then look over at Sebastian, who was wearing the suit that John had got him for Christmas. He blushed, glad that the suit fit so well. It was ridiculous how attractive Seb was in a suit.

He followed Seb out of the flat and into the elevator, down to the main floor. While they were waiting, he reached over and took Seb’s hand, linking their fingers together.

He was buzzing with excitement and nervous energy, and he needed Sebastian to ground him before he changed his mind about going out at all.

Sebastian squeezed his hand gently and stood so close to John their shoulders were pressed together. John was fidgeting beside him and he ran his thumb over John’s, stroking the skin softly. 

"Calm down baby, it’s going to be fine." He knew some of it was of course excitement, he was looking forward to it himself but he could tell John was nervous again, probably mostly because of the collar. 

He gave him a soft smile before turning away as he heard a car pulling up and noting it was the taxi, he nodded to the driver and reluctantly let go of John’s hand before opening the door for him. He made sure John slid across the seat so he could sit next to him in the back, taking his hand again as soon as the door was closed.   
Thankfully the taxi driver wasn’t paying too much attention to them or wasn’t bothered in the slightest and he turned so he was facing Sebastian slightly, waiting for the destination. 

"Berners tavern please." The taxi driver just nodded and set off as Sebastian leaned back in his seat and relaxed slightly, his hand remaining linked with John’s. 

John leant against Sebastian, closing his eyes and humming softly to distract himself. Sebastian was warm and comfortable like always, and John felt himself slowly relaxing.

He only got nervous again when the cab stopped just outside of the dark double doors, and John could only barely make out the gold interior. He swallowed, only vaguely recognising the name of the place, but he knew it was slightly high class.

He watched Seb pay the cabbie, and then he followed him inside, taking his hand as soon as they were out of the cab and linking their fingers, refusing to relinquish his hold until he had to.

The inside of the restaurant was a high contrast of yellow/gold and dark wood. The ceiling was high and artfully decorated, and a gorgeous chandelier hung in the centre. What struck John, though, and what he assumed struck most people, were the multiple paintings hanging on the walls, covering nearly every inch of wall space. 

"Holy shit," he whispered, his jaw slack, all nervousness forgotten for the moment. "Seb, I…" he swallowed, cut off by the sudden appearance of a server.

With the appearance of a member of staff Sebastian couldn’t respond to John and instead gave another reassuring squeeze to John’s hand.

"Reservation for Moran." He gave the woman a polite smile and she nodded, checking the book for a moment before nodding and asking them to follow her.   
Naturally Sebastian had managed to get one of the best tables in the place, just off centre so you could see everything around you and take in the decor.   


As soon as they were seated Sebastian didn’t even have to look at the wine menu and asked for something he knew John would favour. Once they were alone again he turned to John and smiled,

"I hope this is all alright?" Of course he could tell John was impressed with the place with his earlier reaction but he needed to know if John was alright with it all. It could be slightly intimidating for those not used to it or, in John’s case, people who weren’t used to being lavish on occasion. John swallowed, finally closing his mouth, which had still been agape in a mixture of shock and wonder.

“It’s amazing,” he whispered, undoing the button of his suit jacket now that they were sitting down. 

He’d never been to anything like this before in his life, and while it was overwhelming and a bit over the top for his taste, it was actually quite perfect for his first expensive romantic date. Surprisingly his first ‘proper’ date with Sebastian.

John blushed again at that thought, tipping his head down and then looking over at Sebastian. “Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, rubbing his thumb over Seb’s knuckles and then taking his hand back to himself, a bit more confident. “It’s really lovely, thank you.”

"Anything for my baby." Sebastian gave him a grin and withdrew his own hand, sitting up a bit straighter as they brought the wine over. It was poured for them and Sebastian raised his glass to John,

"To us, to everything we’ve been through." He took a sip of the wine and looked back to John, he looked more than perfect as he always did and his chest swelled with pride whenever his eyes landed on the collar.

"To us," John agreed, and then sipped his wine as well. It was good, a rich red wine that smelled different than it tasted, but both senses were equally amazing. 

He managed to convince Seb to not buy them a full course meal while they looked over menus that were presented to them, and finally they both ordered, John settling for the sirloin and Sebastian getting some fancy as all hell meal that sounded French but John wasn’t really sure.

He smiled, though, settling back in his chair and looking around, taking everything in with a wider smile. He watched the other diners, took in their clothes and the jewellery on the women.

John noticed a man watching him and Seb from across the restaurant, but the scowl on the man’s face let John know why the man had such an issue. To retaliate the blatant show of disgust, John turned and pulled Seb in for a long, tender kiss, and when he looked back at the man, he was pleased to see a bright angry blush on his face.

Sebastian was momentarily startled when John suddenly pulled him in for a kiss. He hummed quietly, closing his eyes and melting into the kiss.   
When the pulled way Sebastian gave John a small smile before he followed his gaze to the man that had been staring before and he laughed quietly.

"Bit more confident now are you?" He gave him another smile and laced their fingers over the table,

"I’m glad we done this, I think we needed it." He sipped at his wine as he and John simply relaxed in each other’s company and it was not long before the food came and he grinned again , shaking his head at the fact that John hadn’t let him buy too much.

John dug in eagerly, cutting off the first bite of steak and nearly moaning as it touched his tongue. It was perfectly prepared, perfectly flavoured, and it was so tender that it nearly melted on his tongue.   
He looked over at Sebastian, who was chuckling as he bit into his own food.

“It’s delicious,” John murmured after he had swallowed his bite. “God, it’s amazing.” Sebastian nodded in agreement with a grin on his face, 

"Only the best for you." He laughed quietly and winked at John before getting back to his own food. It certainly was incredibly good and they ate in a comfortable silence, the occasional hum of appreciation. 

When he was finished Sebastian leaned back in his chair, sipping at his wine and simply watching John. He felt thoroughly relaxed, especially since he knew John was enjoying himself and he wanted the rest of the evening to go the same way.   
He was looking forward to the show but mostly he was simply looking forward to spending the time with John, making him happy. 

"You enjoy the food baby?" John smiled lazily over at Sebastian as he set his wine glass down.

“It was the most amazing food I have ever had the pleasure of eating,” he said softly, glancing down so that he could look up at Seb through his eyelashes.

"Thank you, Daddy, for spoiling me tonight," he murmured, then leant over to kiss Seb slowly, about to taste the tiramisu on his tongue still.

When he pulled away, he was blushing furiously, considering that most of the wait staff that were currently clearing off the table had been very privy to that. 

Sebastian watched as John’s neck and cheeks deepened with a dark flush and he grinned while he raised a hand to cup John’s face. He ran his thumb over the reddened cheek, 

"You’re welcome baby, I love you." His smile softened as he pulled John forward again and gave him a chaste kiss on his lips. 

"We should get going, want to get to the show on time." Sebastian paid for the meal, tipping very generously before taking John’s hand in his own and walking him out of the restaurant. He paused when they were out of the door and let go of John’s hand and instead wrapping his arms around his waist, 

"I’m not done spoiling you yet." He gave a soft smile before pulling John into another slow kiss, humming quietly. 

John melted against Sebastian, letting himself be bowed backwards into a slight dip, feeling Seb’s strong arm keep him locked in place against his chest. 

John grinned once they pulled away, and he watched Sebastian hail a cab for them. It was stupid, how much he was enjoying himself, but he loved it so much anyway.

He slid into the cab when it pulled up, angling himself so that his knee brushed against Sebastian’s as soon as Seb joined him.

As soon as Sebastian got into the cab he rested his hand on John’s thigh, giving the cabbie the address for the theatre and squeezing John’s leg lightly.   
The drive was comfortably silent, well it was comfortable for him and John at least if the curious/judging glances in the rear view mirror were anything to go by but he paid it no mind. As soon as they pulled up Sebastian paid, only leaving a very small tip and stood outside of the theatre. 

He took a glance at his watch before smiling at John, 

"Perfect timing." Sebastian took the tickets from his pocket and offered his free hand to John; he linked their fingers and walked over to John the queue that was now filing in. 

John smiled, waiting with Sebastian and then going in to sit down, keeping their hands connected by their entwined fingers and occasionally leaning up to kiss Sebastian.

~

The rest of the evening passed rather uneventfully. The show was very good, the theatre not too crowded, and John, still in good spirits from the delicious dinner and the wine, was able to ignore the glances and stares and whispers that followed them out of the theatre.

By the time they made it home, John was exhausted, but he still pulled Sebastian to him once the door was closed and kissed him thoroughly, his fingers carding through Seb’s hair. 

As soon as he was through the door he felt John pull him forward and Sebastian managed a quiet huff of laughter before John’s lips were covering his own.   
His arms wound their way around John and held him as close as possible as he hummed into John’s mouth, when they finally pulled apart Sebastian’s breathing had picked up slightly and he all but beamed down at John. 

"Did you have a good night then baby?" He already knew the answer but he would never tire of hearing that John had enjoyed himself and he would never tire of doing everything he could to make John happy. 

"I had an amazing night, Daddy," John whispered, running his palm over Sebastian’s chest and pausing over his heart to feel it beat. "Thank you so much. It was wonderful."

He leant up, smiling at Sebastian before kissing his cheek. “Can I repay you, Daddy?” he asked, wondering if Seb even wanted anything from him in return for the amazing night that they had just spent out with each other.

"You don’t have to do anything for me, you never have to do anything for me baby this is more than enough." Sebastian leaned down and kissed John’s forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment and sighing quietly.   
John just being here would always be more than enough and he never wanted John to feel like he  _had_ to do things for Sebastian but a smile still took over his lips. 

"Well I suppose there is one thing." He turned them slowly until John’s back was to the wall and he shoved backwards lightly until John hit the wall with a quiet thump.   
He grinned down at John, crowding around him before pressing the most tender of kisses to John’s lips. 

“I fucking love you so much.” Sebastian leaned down and kissed him again, only this time he picked John up and pushed him up against the wall. He made sure John wrapped his legs around his waist to support his weight and he made sure he was supporting John properly before he kissed him again, this time deeply, letting his tongue invade John’s mouth as he was pressed against the wall. 

John was suddenly wide awake, and he tightened his legs around Sebastian’s hips, pulling him in closer. He would have whimpered if his mouth wasn’t so busy kissing Sebastian back for all he was worth. 

His arms circled around Seb’s neck, one hand tangling in his hair, and he finally pulled back, gasping for breath and letting out a low moan. “Fuck, Daddy,” he whispered, looking down at him with lips swollen from kissing. “Would you fuck my mouth, Daddy? Please, it feels like it’s been so long.”

He loved being used like that, on his knees with tears streaming down his face and Sebastian’s cock shoved down his throat. “Please?”

Sebastian rutted his hips forward hard, drawing a moan from himself before he answered John. 

"Fuck, of course baby. Yes." Instead of kissing John again he moved to bite and lick at the skin underneath the collar for a few moments, making sure he was well and truly marked before finally letting John go from his position pinned against the wall.   
He made sure he let down John carefully so he didn’t fall and he grasped the shorter man’s chin, tilting his head up and forcing him to meet Sebastian’s eye. 

"You’re going to strip completely, make sure you hang your clothes up properly like a good boy and you’re going to wait for me in the middle of the bedroom, kneeling with your hands behind your back." He dipped his own head down and landed a soft peck on John’s lips before moving back and looking at him with dark eyes. 

"Make it quick."

John gasped sharply and quickly nodded, moving away from the wall and past Sebastian, quickly walking into the bedroom. He tried to hurry out of his suit, but he found that nearly impossible, so he took a deep breath and slowed down, careful not to rip the expensive suit.

His heart jumped when he heard Sebastian coming down the hall, and he rushed to put everything away, not knowing if his shoes were perfect or if his trousers had been creased expertly, but he quickly settled himself down onto his knees and folded his hands behind his back, waiting for his daddy to come into the room.

When Sebastian entered the room and found John exactly how he wanted him he immediately went over and ran his fingers through John’s hair, stroking softly as he circled John. 

"Such a good boy." He smiled Down at John and moved so he was standing directly in front of him and he eventually unfastened his trousers and pushing them down along with his boxers but only far enough to reveal himself. Leaving the rest of him fully clothed.  
Sebastian gave his cock a few firm strokes, groaning loudly, before nudging the head of his cock against John’s lips, telling him to open up as he settled one hand in John’s hair ready to give John exactly what he wanted.

John parted his lips and licked over the very tip of Sebastian’s cock, moaning deeply at the taste, which made his own cock twitch.

“Thank you, Daddy,” he whispered, looking up at Seb from under his lashes as he opened his mouth all the way and leant forward, taking just the glans past his lips.

He closed his eyes, suckling at the head of his daddy’s large cock, tasting his hot skin and his pre-cum mixing in his mouth, and the sensation made him groan. His hands tightened behind his back, holding onto the opposite wrists in a near bruising grip.

Sebastian moaned and swore quietly when John suckled at the end of his cock, rocking his hips forward ever so slightly and simply enjoying the sensation and watching John intently. The hand that was wrapped around the base of his own shaft now moved to Johns face, stroking down his cheek gently and over his jaw. 

He couldn’t resist giving John a wink when he looked up before he slid his thumb into John’s mouth, beside his own cock and hooked it so he was now pulling down on John’s jaw and holding John’s mouth open.

He could feel the knuckle of his thumb rubbing on the underside of his length, causing him to groan before he finally tightened his grip in John’s hair and shoved his hips forward.   
He drove hard into John’s mouth, this time swearing much louder when the head hit the back of John’s throat. He made the next thrust slightly harder and drew the chocking sound from John that always made Sebastian’s cock twitch.

John’s eyes went wide, and he almost resisted, almost pulled back, but he stilled himself at the last minute and closed his eyes. He could feel Seb’s cock twitching in his mouth and down his throat, and he couldn’t breathe at all, his airway completely restricted. 

And then Seb started moving, only an inch or so at a time, fucking him down his throat, making John gag and choke, sometimes holding him at the base as he just thrust his hips. 

John was crying and about to black out when Sebastian finally pulled him off. He gagged immediately and coughed hard, bending forward at the waist. The amount of saliva that drizzled out of his mouth and down his throat or onto the floor at his knees should have been concerning, but he was too focused on breathing to really care.

Sebastian moved as John coughed, tried to catch his breath. He quickly moved over to the bedside drawer, grabbing the bottle of lube that was always there before kneeling behind John on the floor.   
He leaned forward so his clothed chest was pressed against John’s back and he was speaking into John’s ear.

"You’re such a good boy for letting me fuck your mouth, you done so well." He brought a hand forward and gathered up something of the saliva that had escaped John’s mouth before running his fingers over the cleft of John’s arse, pushing him forward with his other hand until his chest was pressed to the floor.

"Let’s see how many more of those pretty sobs and gorgeous tears we can pull from you hmm?" Sebastian pushed two saliva coated fingers into John and immediately started relentlessly rubbing at his prostate.

John gasped, squirming and trying to pull away, shocked at the sudden penetration and the sheer rough force of it. “Fuck!” he swore, coughing again and rocking forward, away from the pressure, but of course Sebastian followed him, pressed down harder on his back.

John sobbed when a third finger was worked in without lube again. He was tight and tense, but fuck he was so hard, he was so fucking hard and it felt so fucking good.

"Daddy, please," he cried, his thighs trembling. He was going to get carpet burn being fucked like this on the floor, but god, just thinking about that made his own cock throb.

Sebastian pulled his fingers slowly from John but not before rubbing over his prostate once more and delighting at the sound he drew from John.

"You make such gorgeous noises baby." He kept his hand planted on John’s back so he couldn’t move while he used his free hand to slick up him own cock. He didn’t want to hurt John too much, well, not right now at least.   
When Sebastian was thoroughly coated he nudged against John’s entrance but didn’t push in, instead he planted a hard slap on John’s arse followed by his thigh.

"Gonna make you scream baby." His voice was soft and calm with only a slight waver betraying how much he needed John. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to John’s back before shoving into him.   
He barely gave John time to breathe before he was fucking him hard and fast, swearing and moaning himself as he used John. Sebastian wished he had the lead right now to wrap around his fist as he fucked John but instead he made do with slipping his fingers beneath the collar and pulling back.

John’s head came up and back with the pull on his collar, and if he was able to breathe, he probably would have complied and screamed for Sebastian. He was so deep and fucking him so hard, pressing him down into the carpet, each hard thrust rubbing his chest over the carpet and making his skin sting more each time.

His cock was positively leaking, drooling pre-cum as Seb continued to fuck into him, and John couldn’t breathe, could feel every thrust bone-deep. Black spots danced along the edges of his vision and he dug his nails into his own wrists to keep himself from trying to fight.

There was a roar in his ears that was his blood rushing through his veins, telling him that he was on the verge of passing out. He opened his mouth reflexively, trying for a breath, but nothing came except an increase in the force with which Sebastian fucked him.

When John was practically twitching beneath him Sebastian released his grip on the collar and moved his hand to John’s waist instead, fingertips digging into the skin as he pulled him back onto his cock. 

"Make some noise for me baby." The hand pressing John into the floor flexed and he curved his fingers so his nails were digging into John’s back, very nearly breaking the skin.   
The way John gasped when he could breathe again spurred Sebastian on as he pounded into John, unable to tear his eyes way from where his prick was sinking into John’s body. 

He eventually moved the hand that was pressing John down into the carpet and dragged his nails down John’s spine, leaving angry red marks in their wake.   
He slapped John’s arse again,  _hard._ The sound nearly echoing in the room before landing another hard slap on his thigh, drawing every possible sound from John he could. 

John gasped and moaned and screamed, arching his back as Sebastian fucked him hard into the floor. He sobbed and tried to get away from the scratching down his upper back, and he finally broke, letting go of his wrists and grabbing at the carpet.

He wanted to beg for more and to be for it to stop, but he couldn’t speak past the noises he was making. He didn’t think he’d be able to hold in his climax much longer, though, and he spread his thighs wider trying to urge Sebastian on, seeking out the release he was so desperate for.

Every single noise John was making was going straight to Sebastian’s groin and he felt heat pooling in his stomach, his thighs starting to quake with the threat of climax and the burn of how hard he was moving in John. Sebastian pushed John down again so his hips shifted and he was now hitting that small bundle of nerves with every snap of his hips. 

"Fuck! Gods John." He was panting harshly, the noise broken with intermittent groans and slapped John’s arse again before rubbing over the reddened skin. 

"You gonna cum? You gonna make a mess of the carpet baby? Like the little slut you are." Sebastian’s own words very nearly forced his own orgasm out of him and before he could even shout a warning he was filling John and swearing loudly. 

John cried out, the sensation of being filled pushing him over the edge and making him scream as he came. He shook apart beneath Sebastian, eventually rolling out of Seb’s grip and collapsing onto his side.

He was gasping for breath, sobbing and quaking from the force of what had just happened. He had been reminded more than once of Jim while Seb had been fucking him, but Sebastian was so different, and every time he’d pulled him back to the present.

He couldn’t speak, so he just reached out and wrapped his hand around Seb’s wrist, refusing to let go.

Sebastian let John keep a hold of his wrist and he gently started to move him, it proved to be rather difficult picking John up like that but he just about managed to get John to the bed.   
He didn’t want to disturb him but he couldn’t let him lie on the carpet and he hushed him with quiet words as he managed to get the quilt over him and he leaned down to pet John’s hair. 

"John baby, you need to let go of my wrist. I need to get undressed to get into bed." He kept his voice soft when he spoke and he moved his free hand from John’s hair to the hand covering his wrist, gently prying John’s fingers from him. 

"Come on baby, let go. It will only take a couple of minutes love." 

John whimpered, feeling the difference between the ground and the bed, and now the quilt gently settled over him. He heard Sebastian talking, and finally he understood, releasing his grip.

His hand fell to the mattress, and he whimpered, turning his head to bury his face in the pillow. “Daddy?” he whispered, feeling alone, wanting Sebastian back.

Sebastian felt his chest clench at the whimper and he stripped off as quickly as he could without ruining his suit, he hung it up quickly and moved back to the bed.   
He climbed in and as soon as he got under the quilt he pulled John to him, wrapping him in his arms and kissing his forehead. 

"It’s okay baby, daddy’s got you." Sebastian breathed deeply and let his fingertips dance over John’s skin, every now and then kissing his softly, soothing him and comforting him. 

John still trembled softly, needing to be held by Sebastian, to be comforted. He buried his face in Seb’s chest, closing his eyes as tightly as possible and let Sebastian’s warmth run through him.

Eventually he leant back, blinking slowly up at his daddy and looking over him, making sure that everything was okay now. “I love you, Daddy,” he murmured. “Thank you.” He hurt, but he wasn’t, well, hurt. Sebastian always took care of him, which was why John trusted him.

"I love you too baby." He softly stroked John’s skin as he looked directly into John’s eyes, sighing deeply at the pure adoration he saw there. They lay in silence for a few moments before Sebastian cupped John’s cheek with a large hand. 

"You alright baby? Do you want to get cleaned up later?" He saw the small nod and pulled John to his chest gain, letting him lie almost on top of him and Sebastian closed his eyes.   
He was so lucky, beyond lucky in fact, to have someone as amazing as John and the thanked every higher power he didn’t believe for the fact he was with this amazing man. 

John didn’t answer and he wasn’t sure how long he just lay there, letting Sebastian hold onto him, but he eventually lifted his head and blinked his eyes open to look down at Sebastian.

"Daddy?" he whispered. "Can we take a bath? Don’t think I can stand in the shower," he murmured, dropping his head back down to rest it against Seb’s chest. He didn’t want to move at all, but he felt the dried cum on the inside of his thighs and arse cheeks, and he was sore and felt used, and he knew that a bath would do him some good.

John looked so innocent when he looked at Sebastian and he would never tire of the flutter in his chest when he was looked at like that by John.

"Of course we can baby, you can lay here while I run it okay?" Sebastian untangled himself from John’s grasp and walked over to the bathroom, shivering slightly as the cold air hit his naked body.   
He went into the bathroom and started running the bath, making sure to add plenty of bubbles, he knew it was a rather childish indulgence with how much he was putting in but he also knew John liked it and though he wouldn’t say it so did he.

As soon as the bath was full he walked back into the room and gently picked up John despite the small protest, he easily carried him through to the bathroom and lowered him carefully into the bath and Sebastian sighed with relief as he got in himself, settling behind John.

"Is that alright?"

John made a small sound as he settled into the tub, the bottom a much harder surface than that of the bed. He leant back against Sebastian, closing his eyes and sinking down into the hot water and the bubbles. 

"It’s perfect, thank you," he murmured, rolling onto his side so that his weight was on his hip. "Hurts a bit," he said, looking up at his daddy with soft eyes. "But it’s fine. It’s all fine."

"As long as you’re alright.” He held John close for a few moments, simply letting them soak before he started getting John cleaned up.   
Sebastian’s movements were slow, almost sluggish as he got them washed up since he was more than ready to get to bed. By the time he was done he could hardly bring himself to move from the bath but the thought of a nice warm bed won over.

"Right come on, bed time for us I think." He gave john a soft smile and a chaste kiss before pulling himself out of the bath then helping John out and he started to towel dry them off.

John whimpered at being forced to stand, and he stayed as close to Sebastian as possible, probably hindering his efforts at drying them off. He felt too warm and too cold, fresh out of a hot bath but now out in the cool air. So he stayed as close to Sebastian as possible in hopes of evening out his body temperature.

He felt himself lifted up after a short few moments, and he must have fell asleep in Sebastian’s arms, because the next thing he knew, it was morning and he was awake and alone in bed. He whimpered, pulling the blanket up further and burrowing under it, not ready to be awake yet, not wanting to face the day.

Sebastian’s first port of call was to make coffee; he knew that John would need it more than want it. He made sure that he made it extra strong and carried into the room, already having been up long enough to drink his own.   
He placed the cup down on the side and tugged gently at the quilt, moving it from John’s grip so he could he see his face.

"Morning gorgeous, I brought you coffee." He gestured to the side before leaning over and giving John a tender kiss on the cheek, running his hand over John’s hair.

"Come on, sit up and drink your coffee. I will make some breakfast soon."

"I don’t want to," John whined, turning away and grabbing the quilt again, getting it up to his shoulders at least as he buried his face in his pillow. "I don’t want to get up," he said, closing his eyes and wishing that he could fall asleep again.

The fact of the matter was that he hurt, and he still felt over exposed from their date yesterday and he just wanted to pout about it and not move all day. They didn’t have any more planning to do for the wedding, and he thought he deserved a day inside, hidden in bed.

"John baby, come on." When John didn’t move again Sebastian pulled sharply on the quilt so it was completely pulled off John and he made his tone shape and commanding.

"You are going to get out of this bed now! You’re going to have breakfast and coffee then if you behave I may let you come back to bed." Sebastian gave John a stern look.

"If you don’t comply then I will fucking carry you myself."

John startled, rolling away from Sebastian and sitting up with a hiss of pain to stare at him. He swallowed and pushed himself to his feet, fighting through the hurt of it and walking around the bed. He grabbed his robe and pulled it on as he shuffled out into the kitchen, astutely ignoring Sebastian as he went about making his own food.

When he had toast and coffee ready, he leant against the counter and stood there, eating quietly, glancing up only once at Sebastian and then quickly back down. When his coffee was gone, he reached back and fumbled at the latch of the collar, then took it off and set it on the counter before walking past Sebastian and back into the bedroom. The last thing he did before crawling into bed was to forcefully shut the door and turn the lock on it, knowing that it was acting more as a statement than as a real attempt at keeping Seb out.

Sebastian nodded as John ate and drank some coffee, making sure he had enough however his face quickly turned into a frown as John took off his collar. The frown only deepened when he locked himself in the room.   
Surely John should have known that Sebastian was only doing that for his own good? He needed John to eat and he knew he could be stubborn, had he done something wrong?

Fuck, what if he had acted like Jim? What if John hated him? It was a constant fear so his mind immediately went into overdrive and he grasped the collar, he couldn’t have John hating him, he just couldn’t, not now, and this time he wouldn’t stay quiet.   
He immediately went to the bedroom door, sitting on the floor and resting his back against it, he knew he could easily get in but he didn’t want to hurt John any more.

"Fuck, John I know you can hear me. I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry. What did I do? Please tell me, John your collar, do you really mean it? Don’t do this, not now?" Sebastian was breathing deeply and he had no idea how to calm down, he was verging on a panic attack.

"Please, fuck John. What did I do? I’m not… Fuck I’m like Jim aren’t I?" A ragged sob escaped from his chest and he gripped the collar as tight as he could.

John frowned, bracing himself up on his elbow and turning to look towards the door. “Seb?” he called softly, standing up and slowly walking to the door. He unlocked it and pulled it open, reaching down to card his fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “Come inside,” he murmured, waiting until Seb stood up that John then walked back to the bed and sat down.

He watched Sebastian walk into the room hesitantly, as if afraid that any small motion would make John flee. John just held out his arms, waiting for Sebastian to come closer so that he could pull him down beside him. 

"It’s alright," he whispered, wrapping his sore arms around Sebastian and holding him close, rocking him gently. "It’s alright, I promise."

Sebastian curled into John, hiding his face as the rocking motions seemed to set him off.

"No, no no no. It’s not alright. I - you’re upset with me. It’s my fault. I’m awful." He simply couldn’t fathom what had set him off, usually he would be level headed and rational but he was starting to become inconsolable.   
There was still a high level of panic; he constantly thought John was going to leave him suddenly. The way he had left the collar, that Sebastian was still clutching in his hand.

"I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Please I will be better, John. Please I will do so much better." He gripped the collar tight enough that the buckle was practically cutting into his hand.

John just kept rocking his fiancé, holding him close and shushing him softly. “It’s alright,” he murmured, brushing his fingers through Sebastian’s hair. “I’m not going to leave you, Sebastian. Never. Not ever, I promise,” he murmured.

He tried to console Sebastian by murmuring sweet nothings into his ear and petting his hair. “I love you so much, Sebastian. So, so much.”

Sebastian didn’t know how long he was there simply being rocked in Johns arms but it felt like an age and he was only now eventually calming down.   
His breathing finally evened out and he hissed in pain as he loosened the grip on the collar, positive that the buckle had indeed broke the skin.

"I’m sorry, I’m really sorry John. I will do better, I promise. I love you so much." He shivered, the overload of emotion finally catching up to him and tiring him out and he felt himself go completely lax in John’s grip.

"I am sorry baby." His voice was barely a whisper, probably inaudible but he had no energy to put any more effort into it. He felt wrecked, he never used to be like this but their experiences had changed them and they just had to take the bad with the good.

John took the collar from Sebastian and set it on the side table, slowly manoeuvring them both onto their sides. He pulled Seb close and tucked him into his chest. 

"It’s okay, Daddy," he whispered, pressing kisses over his face and continuing to hold onto him. "You don’t need to apologise; you haven’t done anything wrong," he murmured. "I love you so much."

Sebastian closed his eyes as John kissed him, concentrating on his breathing and trying not to let himself get overcome again, focusing on the kisses.

"Of course I’m sorry, have to be sorry. I must have done something and whatever it was, I’m sorry." His voice was slightly more level now but it was still quiet as he finally tightened his arms around John. He was clutching onto him like his life depended on it, and when he thought about it, it really did.

"I just, you took of your collar without a word and I thought…" He let his voice trail off and buried his face into John’s chest.

"Shh," John whispered, shaking his head and holding just as tightly to Sebastian. "I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I was just mildly upset and I didn’t want to wear the collar and I was pissy because I just wanted to lie in bed. I wasn’t trying to upset you so much," he whispered.

"You’re not like Jim, and you will never be like Jim. I just think that it was a bit too much for just wanting me out of bed," he said softly, burying his face in Sebastian’s hair.

"It was stupid, I’m so stupid. Fuck I’m sorry." He continued to clutch John tightly, probably too tight but he didn’t care at the moment he needed to ground himself.  
"Just, tell me next time. Tell me what I do wrong John." Sebastian took a deep shaky breath and exhaled slowly,

"Never do that again, I thought I was… I just." Sebastian pressed his cheek against John’s chest, unable to find the words and just hoping John knew what he meant.

"I do love you baby."

"I love you too, Daddy. So much. I’m sorry for overreacting, it was stupid." John kept calm, just talking to Sebastian and rubbing his back, soothing him as he continued rocking them gently. 

After a few minutes, John felt Sebastian fall asleep from the emotional exhaustion, but he kept rocking them, kept murmuring quiet things to him. 


	37. Chapter 37

There was only one day to go and Sebastian would have been lying if he said he wasn’t quite frankly shitting his pants. He had been waiting for this day for what felt like an age but he still wasn’t quite ready and he was going to start fussing soon if he didn’t find something to distract himself. 

John was still in bed and Sebastian made their usual morning coffee before heading into the room, taking the coffee with him and climbing back into bed after placing it on the side.

"John? Please tell me you are as nervous as me." Sebastian laughed quietly but the shake in it betrayed how he was really feeling.

"I don’t even know why, should I be? I mean it’s just a wedding right, only one of the single most important days of our lives and everything will be fine right?"

John sat up slowly and yawned, smiling as he reached for the coffee. “I’m nervous, but apparently not as nervous as you,” he teased, reaching out and lightly poking the tip of Sebastian’s nose with his finger.

"We’ve still got another twenty-four hours, love. Just try to relax and enjoy today as much as possible." He pulled Sebastian down for a soft kiss, but he soon pulled away, far more interested in the coffee in his hand than he was in consoling his soon to be husband. "Just don’t get cold feet on me and we’ll be fine."

"I’m not going to get cold feet!" Sebastian focused on his own coffee for a few moments, practically inhaling it before turning back to John.

"I just want everything to be perfect, it’s… well it’s big isn’t it?" He shuffled along slightly so he was pressed right next to John and he dipped his head down and kissed John’s shoulder.

"Is there anything else that needs to be done before tomorrow? Anything at all, I just want to make sure it’s all ready." Sebastian shook his head at himself, he sounded like a fussy bride and he couldn’t help but huff out a small laugh. John laughed, turning around to kiss Sebastian again.

“No, love. We just need to be at the church on time tomorrow dressed in out tuxes. The flowers are already there, and the decorations are being set up tonight. Everything’s going to go smoothly and perfectly, okay? Neither of us would settle for anything less, yeah?”

He smiled broadly at Sebastian and patted his cheek before turning back to his coffee. John was excited for the wedding, extremely, but apparently Sebastian was a little more nervous than John was.

"Right yes, of course. It’s gonna be fine." There was no way he was going to stop being nervous but John had calmed him somewhat, if John thought it was going to be fine then it most likely was.   
Sebastian let out another small huff of laughter and this time shook his head at pretty much the whole situation, while still after all this time still seemed quite surreal.

"I’m still finding it hard to believe that I get to marry someone as perfect as you. I never thought I would get married at all to be fair and here I am. "John snorted, wrapping his arms around Sebastian and nuzzling into his neck, burying his face there and inhaling his scent. “I love you,” he murmured.

 “I’m not perfect and neither are you, but I love you so much. This wedding is going to be amazing and it’s going to go perfectly.”

He leant back after a moment to gaze at Seb, just watching him and looking over his scars and his eyes and the handsome line of his jaw. “Don’t you dare shave in the morning,” he teased, leaning in to kiss over Sebastian’s stubble. “I like it when you don’t shave.”

Sebastian sighed as John kissed his jaw and he ran his hand over John’s neck.

"As you have mentioned, I’m pretty sure that all I had to do once was rub my stubble over your neck and you were on your hands and knees begging me to fuck you." Sebastian half stuck his tongue out John before laughing again.

"What’s the plan for today then baby? I’m assuming trying to relax will be part of it." Sebastian chewed his lip, it would probably take a lot for him to relax today but at least he had the thought to try. John chuckled, bumping his nose with Sebastian’s and then resting their foreheads together.

“Just relax love, alright? Breathe. Focus on me how about, yeah? Think about how good I’m going to look in that tux tomorrow, walking down the aisle to meet you.”

His voice had dropped and he moved to straddle Seb’s thighs. “God, I can see you already, standing there with your bowtie and your hot fucking body that fits in your tux so fucking well.” He mouthed down Sebastian’s neck, laving over his skin in an attempt to distract him. “Can you see me there?”

Sebastian groaned quietly as John mouthed over his neck and he breathed out a quiet yes.

"You’re going to look amazing baby, it was nearly too much in the shop, I can only imagine what it’s going to be like in the church." He grabbed John’s face and pulled him up for a deep kiss, pressing into it like his life depended on it, when he pulled back his lips were slightly reddened and he licked them slowly.

"It’s going to be amazing." He smiled softly and licked his lips once more before pulling John into another kiss.

John hummed softly into the kiss, licking over Seb’s lips until he was granted access. He moaned then, running his fingers through Sebastian’s hair and leaning into him, nipping at his lips and groaning softly. 

"I love you," he whispered, pulling away and looking at Sebastian with wide, loving eyes and a smile on his face. He ran his fingertips over Sebastian’s face and down his cheeks. "You’re so amazing and wonderful, you know that? You’re literally everything to me."

Sebastian had to reign himself in, not wanting to get overly emotional right now and he pulled John close and held him tightly.

"I love you so much baby." He buried his face in John’s neck for a few moments before kissing the skin there softly. It only took a few moments before the kisses turned into soft nips and licks.   
He hummed at the familiar taste of John’s skin and he ran he hands over his waist and rested them on his hips.

"I know, Sebastian," John whispered, holding Seb close, his fingertips running in circles over his shoulders and his lips moving lightly over Sebastian’s ear.

John chuckled at how quickly Sebastian had taken the bait, and John quickly took Seb’s wrists and pulled them away. “Now now,” he murmured, lightly kissing Sebastian’s cheek, “we start our honeymoon tomorrow. Are you so sure you want to ruin that tension by taking me right now?” he asked, rubbing his thumbs over Sebastian’s wrists.

Sebastian let out a long, and retrospectively very embarrassing, whine when John pulled his hands away.

"But that’s like…" Sebastian thought for a moment before looking back to John with a small pout on his face.

"That’s like 60 or 70 hours away!" He tried to look as offended as possible before he couldn’t help but laugh and lean forward and kiss John softly.

"But whatever you want baby, oh and have I mentioned I love it when you say my full name." He gave him a small smile and put his hands back on John’s waist.

John laughed lightly, leaning down to kiss Sebastian softly, rocking his hips slowly just to get a bit of motion going, not actually trying to stir anything up. 

"Sebastian," he whispered as he pulled away for breath, looking at Seb’s lips, breathing with him, licking his lips when Seb did. "My Sebastian," he murmured, flicking his eyes up and rubbing his hands down Seb’s chest and then back up and over his shoulders.

"John stop teasing." His voice was most definitely a whine now and he stroked his thumbs over John’s sides slowly, trying to refrain himself from simply grabbing him and throwing him on to the bed and having his way.  
He took a deep breath and instead pulled John to him and buried his face back into his neck so his voice was muffled.

"You’re so important to me love, you’re everything."

"I know, Sebastian, I know," John whispered, wrapping his arms around his fiancé and holding him close, nuzzling into his temple.

"Hey," he whispered, leaning back and tipping Sebastian’s chin up. "Everything’s going to be okay. We’re going to get married tomorrow and then spend a week in a fancy hotel in Prague, yeah?" he said, tracing his thumb over Sebastian’s cheekbone. "Come on. I’ll make up something to slow cook for dinner tonight. We may as well be productive today."

Sebastian gave John a soft smile before closing his eyes and tightening his arms around his fiancée. 

"I don’t want to be productive." He buried his face into John’s neck and inhaled deeply, sighing loudly at the familiar comforting scent. 

"I want to stay here all day, I want to lie here and feel you pressed against me." Sebastian knew he was being slightly indulgent and petulant but he thought he was entitled, he was after all nervous and perhaps spending the day in bed would calm him down.   
He pressed a gentle kiss to John’s neck and refused to move at all.

John laughed despite himself and finally just gave up, rolling them to their sides and letting Sebastian be a clingy koala for the moment. “You’re such a baby,” he teased, tipping Seb’s chin up to kiss him softly. “But it’s alright, I like this side of you, too.”

He snuggled down closer to Seb and held onto him, petting his hair and running his palm down his spine, rubbing soft circles with his fingertips.

"I’m not a baby, you’re a fucking baby." Sebastian sighed in frustration before laughing at how stupid and childish he actually sounded. He still however leaned into John’s touch, staying as close as physically possible and indulging in his favourite past time, simply touching John. 

He could truly lie for hours and just stroke his hands over John’s skin, run his fingers through his hair and simply take him in. 

"I don’t think I can ever tell you enough how much I love you." John smiled, petting Sebastian lovingly, cupping his cheek and humming to him.

“Well, I promise that I’ll never get tired of hearing it,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss Sebastian again, letting his lips mould against Seb’s. “My colonel,” he breathed, reaching down and slowly pulling up Sebastian’s shirt to expose his torso.

He ran his palms and his fingertips over every inch of skin he could reach, rolling them over and then mouthing down Sebastian’s neck, nipping gently at his skin.

Sebastian sighed rather loudly as John’s lips started to move over his skin and focused entirely on the sensations instead of focusing on the fact there was so many more thing he wanted John to be doing right now.  
So instead of focusing entirely on John’s mouth he focused on the sensation of it and focused on their closeness, how even being this close to John made Sebastian feel like he was where he is meant to be.

He brought his hand up to stroke through John’s hair before he started murmuring to John.

"I knew there was something about you from the start but I never would have guessed that it was the fact you’re completely perfect to me. When I was deciding what to wear the first time we arranged for drinks I certainly didn’t think we would end up having to arrange wedding outfits but I wouldn’t want it any other way."

John found himself laughing at that, regardless of the fact that he felt the same way. “I know, Seb,” he murmured, looking up at his soon to be husband. “I love you so much. Sometimes it hurts just thinking about how much I love you.”

He moved slowly down Sebastian’s body, mouthing at his nipples, first through the shirt and then under it. He made his way down the contours of Sebastian’s chest, groaning as he slowly pulled his pants down and took his still soft cock between his lips.

"Oh." It was the only word he could muster at the moment, the surprise of John changing his mind and the fact John was mouth licking and suckling over soft sensitive flesh.   
Sebastian didn’t try to open his mouth again, instead he looked down so he could watch John, watch as arousal flooded his body and his cock hardened as John was taking it into his mouth.

The occasional obscene wet sound that John made had brought him to full hardness away and he started to gasp quietly while John started to mouth at him in earnest, his legs moving further apart to accommodate.

John groaned, taking Sebastian down deep enough to smell his musk, and then deeper again until he could make the soft choking noises that he knew Sebastian loved so much. Then he pulled off and started slowly bobbing his head, his hand coming up to massage Sebastian’s balls, lightly pulling on them as he looked up to meet Sebastian’s gaze.

He pulled off after a moment, replacing his mouth with his hand so that he could mouth at Seb’s hip. “I love you so much,” he whispered, sucking a light bruise along the V of Sebastian’s hips.

"Ah! Gods, I love you too baby." Each word watch punctuated with a quiet gasp as John’s hand worked over his length, trying not to buck his hips as John mouthed at the sensitive skin of his hips.   
It was slow and highly intimate and if anything it was only serving to make Sebastian’s breaths come quicker and he moved his hand so it was resting on the back of John’s neck.

He shifted his legs again, this time so John could lie between them properly and he groaned softly whenever John would twist his hand or squeeze lightly.

John let out a heavy breath across Sebastian’s skin as he slowly made his way closer to Seb’s cock again, licking at the base and then slowly mouthing his way back up to the tip. “I love you, Daddy,” he whispered, looking back up at Sebastian. “You can move. I like it when you move.”

With that, he took Sebastian down again, flattening his tongue and hollowing his cheeks as he slowly, very slowly, worked his way down Sebastian’s length.

"Oh fuck! Baby." Sebastian squeezed the back of John’s neck lightly as he slowly rolled his hips up, pressing further into John’s mouth. He still tried to keep it slow, not wanting to rush, watching John’s cheeks hollow around him and wanting to draw it out.   
Sebastian groaned loudly as the tip of his cock nudged the back of John’s throat, and he pushed his hips further up for a moment before pulling slowly back down and moaning again at the drag of John’s lips over his shaft. 

He kept a light grip on the back of John’s neck and used it to guide him, squeezing every now and then and running his thumb over the soft hair at his nape. 

John hummed around Sebastian’s cock, flicking his tongue around when he was up towards the tip and had a bit more room. He smirked, taking his time, being lazy about it, until he felt that his daddy was about to burst.

He took Sebastian suddenly down all the way, humming so that Seb could feel the vibrations. He choked himself on his daddy’s cock, gagging as he pulled back up, took a breath, and then dove right back down.

Sebastian swore loudly when John suddenly swallowed him down and the grip he had on the back of John’s neck tightened considerably, forcing him to take it all as he pushed down.   
Hearing the noises John was making and seeing his prick being swallowed like that it only took a few more moments before Sebastian was cumming with a very loud shout. 

He held John in place as he pulsed down his throat, practically choking John but he kept him there until the last tremor had ran through his body. 

When John was allowed to pull off, he swallowed down the saliva and the cum and then coughed, wiping off his lips and then dropping down onto his side, resting his head against Sebastian’s hip and closing his eyes as he caught his breath.

He shook his head, grinning to himself. “You’re very addicting, Sebastian,” he murmured. “Hard to resist you.”

Sebastian lay there quiet and sated for a moment, stroking his hand through John’s hair before eventually replying.

"If you think I’m addicting how do you think I feel about you?" He stroked softly over John’s face, tracing the contours of his jaw. He sighed in contentment before forcing himself to move; Sebastian pulled John up carefully and gave him a slow kiss before positioning him on the bed.   
He moved him so he was on his knees with his chest to the bed, his favourite way to see John, and he parted his legs as far as they would comfortably go.

Sebastian ran a hand over John’s arse and scratched lightly as the small of his back.

"Gorgeous baby." He leaned forward to place a soft kiss over the skin he had scratched before licking a form broad stripe over the cleft of his arse.

John squirmed, burying his blushing face in his arms and making a soft noise. “Daddy,” he whispered, his voice soft and gentle, not rushing but not asking him to stop, either.

He clenched his hands and flexed his thighs in order to not move his hips, to let Sebastian keep tasting him like that.

He stroked his hands over John’s thighs as he made sure he was properly positioned and wouldn’t move, letting his fingertips run up the soft skin. 

"Such a good boy." He pressed another kiss to John’s arse and bit down lightly before moving back over and ghosting a breath over the pucker, delighting in the way John jumped slightly.   
He did it once more before dragging his tongue over the sensitive skin, this time lapping at the pink puckered skin, not giving John enough pressure to truly get anything from it but more than enough to tease him. 

John whined, pressing back against Sebastian, begging for something more. “Daddy, please,” he whispered, shaking his head. This wasn’t what he had signed up for when he had decided to give Sebastian a blow job.

Honestly, he hadn’t expected anything, hadn’t really been prepared for it, and if he hadn’t known that Sebastian absolutely loved eating him out, John would have rolled over and pulled away. As it was, he groaned, burying his face in the crook of his arm and deciding to remain still.

Sebastian didn’t stop, and instead relished in the small, almost whimpers, John was making. He continued to move his tongue over John’s entrance, alternating between teasing flicks and firm broad licks.   
When John was well and truly panting beneath him he finally turned him over and drank in the sight of John’s flushed face. 

"Beautiful." He kissed and nipped at the inside of John’s thigh, slowly working his tongue over the sensitive skin before stopping completely and looking up at John.   
He gently took his wrist and guided John’s hand to John’s own prick and smiled, 

"I want to watch you." 

John frowned, taking his hand away for a moment. “What?” he asked, unsure of what Sebastian was asking him to do, he understood exactly what Sebastian wanted, but he was still extremely self-conscious and he wasn’t sure that he actually wanted to do this.

"Daddy, no," he said softly, shaking his head and reaching out to grab Sebastian’s wrist to pull him closer again. "Please, no. I don’t want to."

He moved up, following John’s pull, stopping to kiss his way up John’s torso and stopping at his chest. 

"Shh, it’s alright baby." Sebastian moved them so they were both on their sides and facing each other. He took John’s hand in his own and wrapped them both around John’s length so Sebastian was controlling the movements. 

"I got you." He kept his eyes locked on John’s face, taking in every single detail. 

John whined softly, pushing a little bit into his hand, but for the most part letting Sebastian control everything, from the pressure to the speed to the little twisting motions around the head as they stroked up.

He had to close his eyes, had to, because Sebastian was looking at him so intently, so lovingly, that it almost hurt. “Oh,” he whispered, his voice catching in his throat. “Fuck.” He turned his head away, hiding it in the pillow.

Sebastian brought up his free hand and stroked it gently through John’s hair before moving down to John’s face and forcing to look back. 

"Look at me baby, come on, focus on me." He kept up the motions over John’s cock, occasionally rubbing his thumb over the tip and keeping his eyes locked on John. 

"I love you so much."

There was a low burn in John’s gut that was driving him insane. He felt like he could go at this rate for hours, days, even, and just be comfortably warm and never feel the need to cum. 

Until Sebastian made John look at him. John moaned involuntarily, shuddering and tightening his hand around his cock. He took Sebastian’s thumb into his mouth, rolling his tongue over the pad and around the tip, and the action somehow made him bolder. 

He started moving his hand faster, feeling Sebastian move his hand away, and John blushed. He felt exposed and alone, but Sebastian was right there and John’s face flushed a little deeper, knowing how close they actually were.

Sebastian swore as John took his thumb into his mouth, and he was very nearly desperate to see John’s face as he came. He lightly gripped John’s wrist as he moved his hand and followed John’s motions, the sheer though of John bringing himself off in front of him making his already spent cock twitch again. 

"Come on baby, cum for me. Let your daddy see you cum." He moved his hand away from John’s mouth and pulled him into a very deep kiss, moaning loudly into John’s mouth. 

John suddenly gasped, pulling away from the kiss so that he could moan and swear and arch his back, moving his hand tighter and faster the low burn in the pit of his stomach turning to lava as he suddenly tensed and then came.

He cried out, his free hand gripping the sheets tightly as his other hand slowed down but tightened, gently milking the cum out until he had nothing left to give. John felly slack and his eyes drooped closed, a content noise coming out of him as he just laid there, letting the high run out of his system.

Sebastian tried to take in every possible detail he could, the way every part of John twitched and the way his face contorted in pleasure.

"That’s it baby, fuck you’re gorgeous." He moved his hand to John’s waist and rested it there, feeling him tensing beneath his palm and he rode out his orgasm.   
When John finally stilled Sebastian disregarded the mess between them and pressed them flush together, kissing the top of John’s head and stroking his back softly.

"You’re amazing John."

John smiled, humming softly as he nuzzled closer to Sebastian, rubbing his nose against his chest. “You too, Seb,” he whispered, letting out a huge sighing breath and relaxing completely. 

He leant back after a moment and looked up at Sebastian. “Why did you want me to do that?” he asked. “Why did you want me to get myself off?”

Sebastian looked at John for a moment before a faint smile made its way onto his lips,

"I wanted to focus on you; I wanted to focus on every reaction and every tiniest movement. I wanted to see you come apart thanks to your own hand knowing that I was watching and loving every second of it."   
It was purely indulgent, he knew it was but perhaps sometime John might just let him indulge completely.

He pressed another kiss to John’s head before getting properly comfortable and sighing quietly.

John hummed in thought as he settled in against Sebastian. “I love you,” he whispered, closing his eyes and nuzzling against his chest. “Hopefully you’re not too anxious for tomorrow anymore.”

He was excited for the wedding, to be able to see Sebastian dressed up in his tux and walking down the aisle to him. John had decided their predicament for them, had agreed to be the one that was walked to Sebastian. Shockingly, Lestrade had volunteered to do the walking, but John had turned him down. He wanted to walk alone, because he wasn’t being let go, he was just being taken.

Sebastian hummed and nodded, stroking the skin on John’s back,

"I think I will manage." He laughed quietly and started going over e day in his head. They had agreed for the sake of some tradition they would get ready in different places even though they had already seen the outfits.   
Sebastian was going to deans and Cal was going to come here then they would be at the church for 11. There wouldn’t be many people there at all but they wanted to do it properly. They wanted everything to be perfect.

"It’s going to be amazing baby."

John smiled, tipping his head back so that he could smile up at Sebastian. “I know it is, Daddy, I know,” he said, leaning up for a small kiss before he snuggled back down against Sebastian’s chest. 

He was a little nervous about Cal coming here and escorting him, but that was only because the last time they had met, neither of them had really been very… socially acceptable? John didn’t know what the man was actually like, but he assumed that he was nice, considering Sebastian was trusting John to him.

"It’s going to be a long day today," he murmured, remembering that it was still only late morning, and they had nearly another twenty-four hours before they could be married.

"Hmm it is, we will just have to fill the time I suppose. Not much else we can do since we have been over everything nigh on a million times." He laughed quietly as John nudged him,

"I will admit that’s mostly my fault but you wanted everything out be perfect too didn’t you?" Sebastian didn’t stop the soothing strokes over John’s skin as he thought about what they could actually do.   
He was already starting to buzz with nervous energy, thankfully not as much as it might have been, but he knew he would probably be unbearable by tonight. He would just have to find something to occupy him.

"Hey," John murmured, rubbing his palm in slow pressured circles over Sebastian’s back, trying to ease some of the tension away, "you need to relax a bit." He kissed over Sebastian’s chest, humming softly. 

"Don’t make me give you a sleeping pill tonight," he said, nipping at Seb’s skin to get his attention. "Come on, now, don’t get so worked up. Please? I know that everything’s already going to be perfect, so there’s no use stressing about it. Nothing’s going to go wrong, I promise."

"I just never thought we would get to this point you know? I’m surprised we even survived never mind stayed together and now we are getting married." Sebastian focused on John’s touch for a moment and took a deep breath, trying to relax himself.

"I just find it difficult to comprehend I suppose. I also find it difficult to comprehend why you put up with me." He let out a small laugh and manoeuvred them without warning until John was lying completely on top of him and he was effectively using him as a blanket.   
His arms wrapped around John’s waist, holding him in place.

John laughed at the new arrangement, but he didn’t protest. He sighed instead, resting his cheek over Sebastian’s heartbeat and listening to it sounding off strong and steady beneath his ear.

"You make it sound as if you’re some horrible monster and I’m like… a prize that you captured and you can’t believe that I was dumb enough to stick around," he said softly, running his fingertips up along Sebastian’s arm. "You’re not a monster. You’re my fiancé, and tomorrow you’ll be my husband. So you stop this," he said, tapping out his ‘I love you’ over and over onto Sebastian’s shoulder.

"I’m sorry, it’s just… I don’t know." Sebastian gave something along the lines of a small shrug and his chest tightened when John started tapping out that he loved him.   
He vividly remembered how he had to do the same because he just couldn’t say it at the time, but now he would never stop.

"I love you too baby, so much and I will never stop loving you." He moved his thumbs gently over John’s waist and closed his eyes, John being a comforting weight on top of him.

John hummed, rubbing his cheek over Sebastian’s chest and feeling his heart beating strongly below him. He hadn’t even noticed that they had both fallen asleep until he woke up to find Seb asleep below him. John smiled and slowly eased himself off of Sebastian, rolling from the bed and pulling on some lounge pants. 

He slipped quietly from the room and started doing some work around the flat, cleaning up and double checking that the food in the house wouldn’t spoil before they got back from their honeymoon. He started cooking them some lunch, opting for hot ham and cheese sandwiches. Turning the radio on low, he started dancing as he walked around the kitchen and cooked for the two of them, his hips popping to the sharp beat as he danced.

Sebastian woke slowly to the sound of music coming from the kitchen and he blinked the sleep from his eyes, well at least that had passed some time. He hadn’t really expected to fall back asleep but it was better than lying in bed and fretting.   
He climbed out of bed and wrapped the robe around himself that was hanging on the back of the door before heading out and pausing as he saw John in the kitchen. 

He was in his own world and the sight made a grin spread across Sebastian’s face as he watched the other man move around the kitchen. After a few moments of purely indulgent watching he moved over quietly and wrapped his arms around John’s waist from behind him but joined in with the sway of his hips so the movements didn’t falter. 

"Someone’s in a good mood."

John laughed, staying with the beat as he moved around, leading Sebastian forward towards and stove. He quickly turned the heat off, then turned up the music and turned around to face Sebastian with the biggest smile on his face. 

"Didn’t know you could dance," he said, feeling Sebastian move against him. Though, he supposed it shouldn’t have surprised have been surprised that Sebastian could dance, because that man had very good control of his body.

He spun back into Sebastian, ignoring the food for a moment as he moved with the bass, leaning back against Sebastian and humming along to the words.

"There’s not much I can’t do baby." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to John’s cheek, laughing lightly as he pulled away and started moving with John around the kitchen.   
Every now and then a quiet laugh would escape him when he would make John spin or when he dipped him down and stole a kiss. 

Sebastian kept them both moving around the kitchen to whatever came on the radio until they were both slightly flushed and beginning to truly laugh.    
He moved then so John was leaning back against the counter and he was leaning forward slightly on John and he kissed him slowly, still breathing slightly heavily. When he pulled back his face was plastered with a stupid grin. 

"I can’t believe we just done that." John was panting for breath, and he tipped his forehead against Seb’s chest, chuckling as he regained his breath.

“I can’t believe we’ve never done that before. That was amazing,” he said, looking up at Sebastian and leaning up on his toes to kiss him softly.

"You’re a bloody gorgeous dancer. It’s not fair, really," he murmured, nipping at Seb’s lower lip as he pulled back and went to make their food hot again by putting it in the over for a little while. He returned to Sebastian and pulled him down for another kiss. "You’re fucking hot. And good at everything. Christ," he breathed, kissing him again, tempted to just say fuck it and keep dancing with him. But he was hungry, and they needed to eat at least once today.

Sebastian laughed again before stealing another kiss from John,

"I wouldn’t say I’m good at everything." He pretended to ponder for a moment, making humming noises as he faked thinking about his statement.

"Wait no; I can’t actually think of a thing I’m bad at." This time his laugh was louder and it didn’t help the fact he was still slightly breathless from their impromptu dancing session.   
He leaned forward and kissed John again, except this time it was simply a soft press of lips that lingered for a few long moments.

"I love you baby." Sebastian smiled again, the sort of smile that made his eyes crinkle before eventually moving away from John so he could actually see to the food properly.

"I love you too, Sebastian," John murmured, grinning to himself as he returned to the food, preparing it for them properly. He set everything out at the table when it was ready, serving water with the meal so that they could both stay hydrated.

"You know the really nice thing about the two of us getting married?" he asked, sitting down and munching on a pickle as he grinned cheekily across the table at Seb. "We don’t have to worry about hair and makeup. So we can sleep in a little bit longer," he teased, winking as he finished off the pickle and picked up his sandwich.

"What! I am getting up at 7." Sebastian pouted his lips and tried to widen his eyes in as much surprise as he could muster, 

"I need to get my hair did, I want a bit of tint, perhaps some powder and a cheeky bit of mascara. Brings out my eyes." Sebastian laughed for a moment before finally turning to his food, humming occasionally as he ate.

"Thank you." He stopped eating and looked at John intently,

"Thank you for everything John." Before the other man could respond he went back to his food as if he had said nothing. 

John looked up at Sebastian curiously before he returned to eating. Once he had finished, he stood up and set about cleaning, making sure that everything was spotless. He didn’t want to have to clean up when they arrived home from their honeymoon. 

"Everything’s set, right? Someone’s going to come get our bags and bring them to us, so we can just leave the dance and get on the plane?" He was going to be sleeping as soon as they had boarded, that was for sure, but they weren’t doing more than spending the whole first day in bed, anyway, so it didn’t much matter.

He leant back against the counters, smiling softly at Sebastian, who finally looked relaxed. “Not that anyone has ever doubted it, but you get to officially claim me as yours tomorrow.”

"Everything is set, everything will be perfect." Sebastian returned John’s smile and stood up, moving over to him and kissing him softly, letting his lips linger before leaning down resting his forehead against John’s.

"Of course it was never doubted but I suppose this just makes it more  _real_  I guess.” There was no way everything wouldn’t go perfectly with the amount of planning that had went into it.  
Now that John had finally got him to relax he could actually start to look forward to things and he found himself stupidly grinning at John.

"What?" John asked, liking the expression on Sebastian’s face. "Nevermind that, actually. I’m just glad you’re smiling." He cupped Sebastian’s face and kissed him gently, just a soft motion of lips, nothing but love and affection coming out. 

He wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s neck and used that leverage to pull himself up onto the counter, where he proceeded to wrap his legs around Seb as well, clinging to him like a baby koala. 

"I love you so much," he whispered, nuzzling into Sebastian’s neck and placing soft kisses there. "So, so much. I can’t wait to put a ring on your finger tomorrow."

Sebastian sighed as John nuzzled into his neck and wrapped his arms around John’s waist, holding him close and firmly in place.

"You’re not gonna cry are you? Because if you cry I’m going to cry and I don’t want to ruin my makeup that I’m going to spend hours getting done." He laughed quietly before moving back and pulling John forward off the counter.   
The tight grip they had on each other held John in place and Sebastian carried him into the bedroom, letting them fall onto the bed in a tangled heap. Breathy laughter breaking the silence of the room.

"Put on a movie baby, might pass the time."

John laughed as they fell into bed, thinking about Sebastian’s comment about the makeup. Honestly, though he doubted it, he certainly wouldn’t put it past his fiancée to do something like that.

He stayed as close to Sebastian as was possible as he reached for the remote and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels until he came upon something decent enough, and then curled back up into Sebastian. 

"By the way, yes, there’s a very high likelihood that I’m going to cry, so maybe go easy on the mascara," he teased, burrowing into Seb’s chest and humming softly.

Sebastian wrapped his arms back around John’s and stroked his hands over the skin he could reach.

"It’s fine, there’s this amazing little invention called waterproof mascara. It works too, stays on for hours." Oh he was so tempted, even just a little bit, if it would pull one of those ridiculous giggle form John he loved so much as they met at the top of the isle.

"Hmm but enough about that, and enough about crying or you will end up starting a good few hours too early." He gave a quiet laugh before turning his attentions to the TV, his hands still moving absentmindedly over John.

John smiled, burying his face in Sebastian’s chest and feeling so utterly  _pleased_  with himself, because Seb was his and his alone, and he was so amazing and generous and lovely, and John never ever had to share him with anyone.

"Mine," he whispered, kissing over Sebastian’s exposed chest finding him to be a far more worthy subject of his attention than whatever was on the telly.

Sebastian moved his gaze to John who was now apparently intently focused on kissing every inch of Sebastian’s chest.

"All yours. Completely and irrevocably." He moved one hand to stroke through John’s hair, his attention now focused on watching each small attention that was paid to him.   
Watching the way John lingered over scars and occasionally flicking his tongue out against the wounded skin.

The way John was looking at him when he could see his eyes told him everything, it always did. John would never have to utter another word again, all he would have to do is look at Sebastian like that and he would know how much this amazing man loved him.

John finally finished his endeavour, and he settled contently against Sebastian, his cheek pressed up against Seb’s chest over his heart. “I get to marry you tomorrow,” he whispered, grinning to himself at the sheer thought of it. 

He trailed his fingers lightly over Sebastian’s skin, pushing the robe off just slightly and exposing new flesh to touch, to map reverently. “I love you, Sebastian. Get some sleep tonight, okay? You need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's drawing to an end :( One more chapter to go, I hope you have enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed creating it, come find us on tumblr at mormortrash and mxrmor :)


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally it's here the last chapter, I will keep my babbling for the end note but for now, enjoy!

Sebastian did eventually get some sleep but perhaps not as much as he should have; it was always hard to sleep when you were practically vibrating with energy. 

He looked over to John who was still fast asleep and he couldn’t resist leaning over and kissing him soft enough to not disturb him before easing himself out of the bed.

He went off to find a pen and some paper so he could leave a note for John, yes it was cheesy but he couldn’t resist. Once the note was left next to the bed with John he made sure he had everything he needed and quickly threw on some clothes so he could leave to get ready.  
Sebastian took in a deep shaky breath, kissing John softly once more on his cheek and leaving the flat practically high on excitement.

John woke up to his alarm just about an hour after Sebastian had left. He groaned, not liking to wake up in an empty bed, but it didn’t really matter. He would be able to see Sebastian really soon anyway. 

He pulled on a robe and padded into the kitchen, making two mugs of coffee in case Cal wanted some caffeine too this morning. He was halfway through his own mug when the other man showed up, and John went to answer the door. He smiled at Seb’s friend and let him in, offering him the coffee and then excusing himself to go shower. 

And then be began the process of getting himself into the tux. By the time he had straightened the tie and pinned it, they were two minutes behind schedule already. John smirked, liking the idea of making Sebastian wait for him. 

As a last thought, he grabbed Sebastian’s dog tags and put them on so that they were visible, the chain tucked into the collar of his shirt, the tags handing over the tie. 

"Alright, I’m ready!" he called ahead of himself, smiling at the sharp suit that Cal had dressed himself in. "When we get to the church, I want you to find Dean and tell him to fix Seb’s tags like I did."

Sebastian didn’t take long to get ready at all, the thing that took the longest was persuading a reluctant Dean to let him put on the tiniest bit of mascara just to make John laugh, though he had to admit his eyes looked fantastic.   
He had spent the rest of the morning talking to Dean about anything and everything to distract himself as it crept closer and closer. 

After the fifth or so time of checking his watch Sebastian eventually decided they could head to the church and he starting to feel the buzz of nerves run through him again the closer they got. As the car pulled up outside he turned to Dean and took a deep breath, 

"Right then. Not long now."

"Fucking hell Sebastian calm down, it’s going to be brilliant." Dean gave him a bright smile and practically forced him out of the car and into the church. 

John smiled as Cal offered him his arm to lead him up to the church. “This is ridiculous,” he chided, but he took the offered arm never the less.

"I’ve been told to look after you, so that’s what I’m doing," Cal said with a smirk, resting his hand over John’s as they walked into the church, and Cal immediately steered John into a room off to the side. "You stay here, and I’ll go find Dean and your groomsmen, alright?"

John nodded, and as soon as Cal was gone, John paced, nervously chewing his lip and going over what he wanted to say to Sebastian for the vows. He didn’t know how long he wanted them to be, but he was severely afraid of rambling. 

Nervous, he sat down in one of the chairs and put his head in his hands.

Sebastian stood at the altar watching everyone as they started to get settled and he had to admit he was really feeling the nerves now and he laughed shakily as Dean punched his arm lightly and told him to calm the fuck down.   
He did calm down a little when he saw Cal approaching them meaning that John was definitely here and he gave Cal a wide smile. 

"I have been informed by John that I had to make a minor change." Without telling Sebastian what it was Cal moved forward and started arranging the tags he knew he would have on so they would be matching John’s and Sebastian grinned as soon as he realized what he was doing.  

"Right all sorted, I will go and get John and we can get this party started." Sebastian rolled his eyes as Cal practically bounced off and he felt Dean’s hand on his shoulder. 

"You ready mate?" Sebastian steeled his jaw and nodded.

"As I’ll ever be." 

John looked up when Cal came back, and John nodded and stood, squaring his shoulders.

“Greg and Bill are standing up there, yeah?” he asked, and got a confirming nod from Cal in return. “Right. Okay, I’ll be right there.” He fiddled with the tags around his neck for a moment, then readjusted the blue pocket square and started walking from the room. 

He bit his cheek as he looked out over the pews. He knew almost everyone here, but that wasn’t saying much since they had less than one hundred people in attendance. His eyes travelled up, smiling when they found Sebastian, who was flanked by Dean and Cal, and across from them stood Greg and Bill, his two groomsmen.

"Right," he whispered to himself, waiting for the music to start playing and for everyone to grow quiet before he started slowly walking. It was agonising, forcing himself to take this slow pace when all he wanted to do was run as fast as he could towards Sebastian. But he just put a smile on his face, fixed his eyes on Seb, and kept walking.

As soon as the music started Sebastian’s heart started racing, he was torn between waiting until John reached him to properly look a build up to a gorgeous surprise but he needed to see John walking toward him. He sucked in a deep breath and turned toward John and immediately forgot how to breathe.   
He looked stunning and he was walking down the aisle to marry Sebastian, the thought was overwhelming and he had to bite his lip to reign himself in. 

He turned properly so he was facing John when he reached the top of the aisle and he had to try desperately to keep his voice even and under control. 

"You look gorgeous baby. Perfect." 

John looked up, about to say something equally as generous with an equally unsteady voice, but as soon as their eyes locked, John saw the eyeliner and he couldn’t hold in his sniggering laugh. “Oh, god, you arse, I knew you would do that,” he laughed, playfully slapping Sebastian.

But then the music pulled to a close and John trained his eyes onto the preacher that stepped forward. 

To be honest, after the opening lines, John spaced everything out, turning his focus back to Sebastian and finding his fiancé already watching him. John blushed and smiled softly, wishing that he could just exchange rings and kiss already, but this was important to the both of them, so he reined in his impatience.

Sebastian’s chest swelled as he saw John’s face light up and he laughed softly himself, he would do anything for that smile, anything. He took another steadying breath when everything quietened down and he just couldn’t keep his gaze off John. 

He gave another soft smile as John looked back toward him, noting the slight redness of his cheeks and he still couldn’t get over just how lucky he truly was.   
The talking in front of them was just a din at the moment and he wasn’t really paying attention with John in front of him but he was soon snapped back to attention when he heard the word vows. 

"I believe you have prepared your own vows?"

John nodded, clearing his throat. “Yes, we have,” he said, turning around to accept the ring from Greg. And then he was facing Sebastian again. He looked up, took Sebastian’s hand in his own, and then took a deep, steadying breath.

"Sebastian, I have known you a lot longer than I have had the pleasure of being engaged to you, and I would like to be the first person to inform you that you’ve changed. When I first met you, it was five months into a very long third deployment, on a very hot day, and you were such a cocky arse that I tried to avoid you at all costs.”

"Don’t get me wrong, you’re still a cocky arse, but…" John smiled biting his lip and looking down, because fuck he was crying already god damn it. He took in another breath and blew it out slowly, facing Sebastian again.

"I’ve always been a broken man, Sebastian, and I think that you have too. When we ran into each other again after the army had shattered us both, I was expecting, hoping, that you would just tear me down more, give me something to be angry about. But instead you did the last thing that I expected, and you put me back together, one small piece at a time.”

"You’ve given me a shoulder to lean on and arms to hold me when I’m not strong enough. You’ve given me a home and a purpose and a reason to smile in the mornings. You’ve had my best interests at heart from the beginning, and I can only hope that I’ll be able to pay you back in some way."

He was openly crying now, and the people in the pews seemed to be holding their breaths. “Sebastian, you’ve gone from a bitter young man who had never been shown affection to someone who openly tells me that you love me every day that we’re together. You make me breakfast and you take care of me when I don’t think that I can do it myself, and if that’s not a miracle then I don’t know what is.”

"I promise to be there with you every morning and every afternoon and every evening, supporting you in everything you do and encouraging you and promising you my love until Death finally catches up to us. I love you so much, Sebastian." Sniffing, he slowly slid the ring onto Seb’s finger, taking his hand and gently kissing his knuckles. "So much."

Sebastian used every ounce of willpower not to break down right then and there, instead he swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to breathe slowly when John slid the ring onto his finger.   
There were a few long moments of silence while Sebastian made sure he would be able to speak though his voice was still thick with emotion and his voice cracked a few times on the first few words. 

"John Hamish Watson, you know I’m…" His voice cracked and he took another moment to compose himself before continuing. 

"I’m not good with words; I never have been and never will be. When I first heard you say my name in that pub I recognized it almost immediately but I never thought for one second that it would change my life." He had to pause again, breathing slowly and willing his eyes to stop watering. 

"I never thought you would become everything to me but somehow you did. You made a man like me fall so irrevocably in love and I thank every higher power for that every day.   
We have been through so much and thought the worst of it is definitely over I don’t doubt there will be bad days but no matter what nothing will change. I will never stop loving you and I will do anything and everything for you, I would give you the moon and stars if you wanted them, just to see you smile.” He gave a soft smile, barely there as he swallowed thickly and placed the ring on John’s finger slowly. 

"You changed my life John. You became my life. You saved my life. I love you baby." 

John didn’t wait for anything else, didn’t give a damn about the priest or the people in the pews, he lunged forward and pulled Sebastian down for a quick, soft kiss, then proceeded to wrap his arms tightly around him. 

He couldn’t stop crying. He was just so happy and Sebastian was right there and he was solid and safe. “I love you so much,” he whispered, choking on his words as he cried into Sebastian’s shoulder. He heard applause from the crowd and knew that it was over, they were married, but he couldn’t let go yet, couldn’t pull himself away.

Sebastian’s arms were tight around John, holding him in place as a few tears finally escaped from his own eyes. He pressed chaste kisses to John’s head and temple whispering repeatedly how much he loved him and how they had done it.   
  
They had really done it. 

The thought hit Sebastian like a tonne of bricks and he was overcome with elation, he moved his arms from John and pushed him back slightly, giving him a wide grin before grabbing his waist and dipping him down for a deep kiss.   
He heard whoops and cheers coming from everyone there and he pulled back with a breathy laugh, standing John up properly again, the smile not leaving his face. 

"I love you  _husband_.”

~

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand Fin! I really hope you have enjoyed reading this, even if one person has loved it I will be more than happy. We had so much fun doing it and leaving kudos/comments really means a lot and lets us know it was worth it :) 
> 
> Come find us on tumblr as mormortrash and mxrmor, thanks again :)


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